Let’s Get This War On Christmas Started!
I’m a little disappointed in the usual “War on Christmas” brigade. Where are you, Bill O’Reilly? Where are you, John Gibson? It’s already almost Halloween, and I haven’t heard a word from anyone yet about how the Liberal Commie Brigades have seized the North Pole in a double-pincer action lifted straight from Hannibal and started putting the Toy Workshops to the flame. Is it possible that they haven’t uncovered our plot to use extraordinary rendition on Santa Claus and send him to our secret prison in Uzbekistan where we will waterboard him until he confesses who funds his maniacal ‘give stuff away for free’ scheme?
But this year, in the spirit of peacemongering and appeasenikism which we Liberal Commie hordes are supposed to be known for, I’d like to try heading off the hostilities that seem to always ensue sometime in the next few weeks. Now, some of my fellow Liberal Commies may object that by placating our enemies, I am only throwing a wrench in our long-term plans to force everyone in the country to participate in a mass gay wedding ceremony each Winter Solstice, followed by the commemorative gay abortion the next Labor Day. Alas, all I can say is that I am almost always willing to give peace a chance.
My peace offering takes the form of a shopping guide for the always difficult to shop for wingnut in your life. Whether it’s that Fox-News-watching uncle you only ever see once a year at Christmas, or the brother-in-law who manages to bring endless awkward and uncomfortable silences to the Thanksgiving dinner table by quoting his favorite bits from Rush Limbaugh all night, how do you find the right gift for the ragingly insane in your life?
Well, you could start with this — the “God, Country and Capitalism” car magnet. So often, we liberals seem to forget that Jesus was a graduate of the Chicago School of Economics. Our atheistic ways mean that we rarely read His Supply Side Sermon on the Mount, with its stirring and heartfelt claim of blessings for those who manage offshore funds — for theirs will be the Kingdom of No Capital Gains Taxes. This tasteful and decorative magnet can be a reminder of the lessons learned from the parable of the loaves and fishes, when Saint Milton, in a moment of senile dementia, asked Jesus to feed the poor, and Jesus replied, “Though the power to multiply loaves and fishes is within my grasp, the creation of such fiat food would cheapen the supply of actually existing food, and lead to a dangerous spiral of food inflation. The poor shall be fed when Caesar stops taxing the small business owner, allowing him to create more jobs, for which these mooches who follow me will qualify.” The wingnut in your life will be grateful for your recognition of the fact that God is both an American and a capitalist, and will hopefully therefore shut up for at least five minutes about how George Soros is actually Stalin’s first cousin.
For a more overtly religious message, the Christian Republic T-shirt might be a better choice. Those pesky fifty stars represent states like New York and San Francisco anyway, and what good Christian wants to be reminded that those places exist? Get rid of them, and replace them with the symbol of the real ruler of America — George W. Bush Jesus. Remember, just like the ad copy itself says, these shirts are the perfect accessory for Jihad, so when you’re ready to burn down your local neighborhood mosque, be sure you’re dressed to impress! This is a gift sure to delight anyone who believes that America was founded as a Christian nation, no matter what some crazy documents on this subject might say.
Hopefully, my attempts at détente in the War on Christmas will bear fruit, and we can enjoy at least one holiday season without listening to interminable squeals of outrage from the right every time some poor department store clerk wishes them a “Happy Holiday.” With any luck, there’s a Nobel Peace prize in this for me, too.
Update: Oh, no. It appears I am too late. The War on Christmas has begun!
Mrs. Fields bans Christmas from their products and promotion
Here is a Christmas Plan They Can’t Ban!
It is time to take a stand. Sponsor your church in Project Merry Christmas.
It’s hard to believe this kind of religious intolerance can happen in America in 2007.
Mrs. Fields, the maker of those good cookies, has banned any use of the word “Christmas” from their products and Christmas promotions.
Clif adds: Sadly, No!
If there’s to be a war, we’d better get to it…the stores had their decorations up the second week of September. Of course, those may be the decorations for Christmas 2008.
After 9/11 Osama bin Laden’s family got out of the country on the only craft allowed to fly that day: SANTA’S SLED.
Jillian, you may mock, but the war on Christmas is very, very real. Last year, because I am an evil secular humanist, I went to this public school in Dayton, Ohio where I stole every green napkin, paper plate and cup from the Student Council Christmas Party, leaving only the red behind. The students were about five seconds from breaking out L’Internationale when Bill O’Reilly Xmas Corps showed up foiling my dastardly scheme by providing many green ornaments and party supplies. *Sigh* I tried to keep people from going to church by using my friends the liberal activist judges, but for some reason their armies of secularists couldn’t keep the faithful from attending.
My God! With Mrs. Fields on their side, these Islamoathiests will be unstoppable! The only thing that can save Christmas now is three straight months of howling and shrieking!
Don’t laugh about the War on Christmas! Remember when we used to laugh about the War on Boxing Day? We thought, There will always be Boxing Day.
And now, Boxing Day is gone, as it was never even celebrated in the U.S.
Our children will never know the joy of British and Canadian and (probably) Australian children on Boxing Day. (Which I assume means you watch boxing all day and eat fish and chips and drink lots of bangers and mash.)
And if you don’t believe the liberals had something to with it, well, I have pieces of a bridge I’d like to sell you.
There will always be Boxing Day
Is that the one where the taciturn mailman gets a present he doesn’t deserve? Fucked if I’m gonna give anything to that grouch.
I dunno, Jillian, I’m kinda OK with the Christian Republic t-shirt, since it looks like my corner of the US has become its own Scandinavian country.
Before we get this war started, have you checked in with Debbie Schlussel and Ann Coulter (BFFs forever!), Jillian?
Nice. The United States of Greece.
drink lots of bangers and mash
You’re going to need a hell of a blender for that.
And there was me thinking the whole Graeme Frost thing was a smoke screen for the complete liquidation of Christmas. Maybe they will leave the wee nipper alone now that the fog of war has cleared!
Hoosier X – I think you mean drink Black and Tan (just to upset the Irish). I’d like to see you drink bangers’n’mash unless Heston Blumenthal has come up with a new dish like snail porridge or bacon’n’eggs ice cream.
Holy crap – only 73 warring days until X-mas? Time to dust off my festive tinsel-wound bazooka.
This sneaks up on me every goddam year.
This sneaks up on me every goddam year.
Sorry, every Darwin-dam year.
But Jillian. A gift guide for the christian wingnut in your life that does not include a variable-speed crucifix vibrator in soft, washable latex? It’s dishwasher safe! I think you missed a real opportunity to reach out here…
mikey
Well, and a gross of Shroud-of-Turin condoms. Just in case.
mikey, you probably don’t watch Lucy, Daughter of the Devil on Adult Swim, but, well, they sorta beat you to it.
H. Jon Benjamin is a deity.
Can I take a little time out from snark to ask how Donald Wildmon got the idea that Mrs. Fields was “banning” Christmas? Cause he doesn’t cite anything in his letter to back it up, so I’m just wondering. I may be foolish to believe it, but I always assume that there’s some small germ of truth that mutates into the hideous and overblown monster that these wingnut rumors become. Did some congregation member pick up a used catalog where the holiday offerings were mistakenly torn out? Was there an email passed lovingly from wingnut to wingnut that landed on the Pastor’s desk? Did they start to offer Hannukah cookies, which, in wingnut world translates into a complete and total embargo on all things red and green?
Am I the only one who’s wondering how “Mrs. Fields banned Xmas!” is “God’s Good News”? Is God on some kind of koan kick now?
It’s time to rise up, people! Throw your rice bowls on the floor for Jeebus!
Oh, what a blessing!!!
From the Donald Wildmon letter I wandered over to the American Family Association page, and found the wonderful Christian site Medi-Share, where I’m told there are 50,000 Christians who are willing to help share medical costs!
The testimonials there, like This One show how self-employed people who can’t afford health insurance and thus make the bad personal life choices not to purchase it still manage to get care, thanks to this wonderful safety net solution.
Cheryl says – “But mom and I are both self-employed – 3 kids, 2 in college – one in high school – Normal health insurance was $800 – $1000 dollars a month. We could not have afforded that and we could not have afforded all this medical care either. We would have had to sell the house, both cars and empty all our accounts.”
Well, why didn’t they sell the house and both cars, the frauds!!! Not only that, it appears that Cheryl must be an unwed mother, since she had three babies and is living with her mom. She should have made the smart personal life choice of having three abortions.
I had better rush over to Michelle Malkin and Dan Reihl and alert them to these immoral sluts and others like them, sponging off the good will of Christians for their phoney cancer treatments! What kind of car does Cheryl drive, anyway? And I see she put funding a college education as a priority ahead of buying health insurance – bet it was a private college, too!
Oh, I thought you said “moron” Christmas. Personally, I plan to petition the city council to replace the nativity scene baby Jesus with a small statue of the ten commandments and a menorah. That should confuse everybody.
Better Democrats at FDL.
I donated to Randi Scheurer (IL-08) today. She is running against Melissa Bean, Democrat in name only.
You can, too.
mikey, you probably don’t watch Lucy, Daughter of the Devil on Adult Swim, but, well, they sorta beat you to it.
H. Jon Benjamin is a deity.
To coin a phrase, Amen.
And if you don’t watch it, you really should. “Diet Margaritas. I call ’em Diarritas.”
Bill O’Reilly Xmas Corps showed up foiling my dastardly scheme by providing many green ornaments and party supplies.
A-ha! Billo is doing the old secret-double-super-twisty-fifth-column trick here! His minions bring GREEN, the COLOR OF ISLAMONAZIMPERIALISM, while pretending they are saving Christmas, only to catch us all unaware when we pull burkhas and turbans out of our stockings and suddenly WE ARE CONQUERED, just as he wanted all along.
Remember, it’s the Green Peril now. (Not Yellow, Black, or Red.)
I saw those t-shirts first, and I thought America had conquered Sweden as part of its War on Everybody. It would have been cool if we could have those sweet Swedish perks, like healthcare for everybody…
Oh you laugh about “boxing” day whatever dumb foreign, NONAmerican think that is, but the fact is that the liberals have already one their wars on Columbus Day and George Washington Day and Veterans Day. It will probably be Thanksgiving Day next once you destroy Christmas because we know liberals dont want to thank G-d and think that the PILGRIMS genocided the Indians anyway.
What we need is a weekly show devoted to how spineless and greedy the dems in congress are. It would keep us all focused and on task.
Let’s be clear: our troops are winning against terrorists. The real enemy is right here at home.
“It would have been cool if we could have those sweet Swedish perks, like healthcare for everybody…”
And all the intellectual acheivments of Sweden, as well.
Oh come on. Whoever did that fake Gary isn’t even trying.
the fact is that the liberals have already one their wars on Columbus Day
Umm, “one” their wars? I jumped over it and you ate it! Hahahah!!
Anyway, Gary, it appears you are attempting to help the Turks in their battle against the Americans, in order to preserve their rights to kill millions of their fellows a hundred years ago.
Because they just haven’t thought about it yet, but whatever will we do if the Turkish parliament retalliates against the American Congress’ genocide resolution with a resolution of their own decrying the American genocide of the Native American population?
We’ll be doomed, with non-binding resolutions condemning hundred-year-old genocide flying back and forth like ICBMs filled with, um, with that green slime and silly strings.
Meanwhile, there’s no real life or death matters for either legislative body to occupy their time with anyway, right?
mikey
What strikes me about the “War on Christmas” rhetoric is not so much the lies, not so much the hatred toward secularists, but the sheer pettiness of it all.
As if the conservative culture warriors had decided to fight on the smallest, most insignificant battlefield that they could find.
And I think that they will lose this fight in spite of that.
Dancing in outer space–
I thought you said the United States of Grace.
Tempting, tempting…
It takes a really frightened person to get upset about a cookie company using “Happy Holidays” as a greeting.
“It takes a really frightened person to get upset about a cookie company using “Happy Holidays” as a greeting.”
Excellent point. It points up the fundamentalist mentality that can’t stand for ANY suggestion that their religion is not the “right” one. Science challenges your faith? Change the science. It’s the same principal at work, but petty beyond description, like atheist said.
OT, but how did I manage to miss the War on President’s day memo? And does the war mean there will more or fewer used car special blowout sales on that day?
One thoughtful and sure-to-be-appreciated gift for that reactionary on your Christmas list is this pliable George W. Bush buttplug. Unfortunately, the glow-in-the-dark version does not seem to be currently available.
It points up the fundamentalist mentality that can’t stand for ANY suggestion that their religion is not the “right” one.
I agree with you Johnny, except I am bamboozled to find anywhere in the act of one person wishing “Happy Holidays” to another person the slightest speck, the tiniest dust-mote of a suggestion that the greet-ee’s religion isn’t the “right” one – I can find absolutely no hint of religious comparison at all.
What kind of uber-sensitive person can detect such a thing? Where does the religious doubt – nay, hostility! – reside? Is it in the “s” at the end of “holidays” that implies there may be more than one holiday coming up? Is it in the omission of the word Christmas that implies there may not be One True God? Is there some implication in the use of “happy” instead of “merry” that telegraphs discriminatory, anti-Christian, or Satanic intent?
I would love to hear one of them explain it to me someday.
Gary, Boxing Day is the day all good Canadians rise early and gather together to share their
consumer lustspiritual joy.And you better put on the hockey pads and bring some fierce determination if you want that 37″ plasma.
how did I manage to miss the War on President’s day memo? And does the war mean there will more or fewer used car special blowout sales on that day?
The fact is, the sale of used cars is a noble and patriotic expression of solidarity and support of the President’s Global War on Terror, and liberals who refuse to celebrate President’s Day by test-driving pre-owned luxury autos secretly long for the jihad that will enslave us and clothe American women in burkhas and prevent them from driving American made minivans. In any case, if the jihadis triumph, they will destroy the market for American made minivans by forcing burkha-clad women to abort their white babies, making minivans a drag on the market. Liberals don’t care, though, because they, like the rich Frost family, continue to drive foreign-made new-model Volvo SUVs, and sponge off the taxpayers to feed their children.
It will probably be Thanksgiving Day next once you destroy Christmas because we know liberals dont want to thank G-d and think that the PILGRIMS genocided the Indians anyway.
I know “Christmas” is right after Yule, but I can’t remember, is “Thanksgiving” the day before Buy Nothing Day? It’s hard to get local raw vegan food that day for some reason.
“I am bamboozled to find anywhere in the act of one person wishing “Happy Holidays” to another person the slightest speck, the tiniest dust-mote of a suggestion that the greet-ee’s religion isn’t the “right” one – I can find absolutely no hint of religious comparison at all.”
Because “Happy Holidays” is not “Merry Christmas.” If you don’t say “Christmas” then, yes, you are implicitly saying that there might be another holiday better or more important than the birth of Jesus, and thus you are not showing proper obeisance to the Christian religion upon which our country was founded. You might even be denying that our country was founded upon Christianity, and that’s a slippery slope to taking “one nation under God” out of the pledge of allegiance and removing “in God we trust” from our money. Once that happens, there’s nothing to stop us from becoming an atheistic, Soviet-style totalitarian dictatorship with teh Gay Abortions and Homo Nups and polygamous bestiality celebrations instead of Easter and Christmas.
Is it true GWB proposed a bill declaring President’s Day to honor him only and not those other has-beens?
hey, what about the war on Halloween?
Don’t.
It’s probably a sign of my anti-Christian, pro-dhimmitude, infantilized nature, but Halloween is my favorite holiday (and I’m not Goth or nothin’). I wish all holidays were Halloween.
Hey, christofuckers? It’s the United States of AMERICA, not the United States of SHETLAND.*
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Flag_of_Shetland.svg
Dude, I think i might know the chick…
“extraordinary rendition on Santa Claus and send him to our secret prison in Uzbekistan where we will waterboard him until he confesses who funds his maniacal ‘give stuff away for free’ scheme?”
Ohhh, Clif, there you go with your silly liberally-biased “Reality” again.
Wait. And they claim that Liberals hate Santa? He’s the Patron Saint of the Entitlement Programs!
*I would also accept Calais, France; Parnu, Estonia;and Iceland, circa 1900.
the liberals have already one their wars on Columbus Day…
I had Columbus Day off, Gary. Columbus Day is big in Columbus, Ohio (go figure).
Actually, all holidays that feature an excuse to shoot off fireworks are big in Columbus, OH.
See, it just shows the fact that liberals are that dumb. You cant even remember your own wars on holidays.
Presidents day used to be George Washington day until PC facists decided that they needed a day to honor a criminal and adulter.
Personally, I prefer Thanksgiving for its celebration of the primal joys of gluttony, but I admire Halloween for its sheer weirdness.
Speaking of weirdness, the ‘war on Halloween’ link at the 22:16 post is a goldmine of the bizarre, such as this completely straight-faced article about a guy who was turned into a satanist by his ouija board but in the end found true love and happiness with his exorcist.
I’m big on Xmas, what with it being a continuation of pagan Solstice festivals and the Roman Festivus. Hell, it ain’t even like the imaginary Jebus character was written as born on Xmas. He was born in the spring. Xmas is a clear continuation of the Romans’ tendency to assimilate the religious traditions of the people they conquered, only in reverse. Festivus was too popular to get rid of, so they incorporated it.
Plus, Xmas was considered impious by the mega-religious in the US until the 20th century.
I love Xmas. It’s such a big bag of stupid.
when i was ten I asked the ouija board if I would meet paul mccartney and it said no and that came true so!
To quote scripture:
And surely, knowing Jesus as the fundies know him, He would want his followers to get all shrill and bent out of shape just because there are people in the world who aren’t all that enthusiastic about celebrating His birthday on the wrong day, on the same day as the Mitras celebration, and decorating it up with as many pagan trappings as can possibly be crammed into a three-month long celebration of commercialism.
Makes ya think.
Presidents day used to be George Washington day until PC facists decided that they needed a day to honor a criminal and adulter.
I’m all for this. A few years ago I had a positively torrid affair with a married woman in Los Gatos. Truth to tell, I LIKED being an adulterer.
And, the fact is, to borrow a phrase, it certainly cut down on the requirement for phone conversations and dinners out…
mikey
Hey Hoosier! Where’s the “Shopping Cart” button?
I wanna order my own engraved copy of the Book of Cousin Jimmy. I’m getting a sense there’s some righteous wisdom in there…
mikey
Other highlights:
and
Traditionally, Christmas was the main get-drunk-on-your-ass-and-party holiday, somewhat like Halloween is today. The Victorians sanitized it into its current respectable form.
I’ve long bitterly hated Christmas, partly because it seems to turn a large part of the population into frantic assholes for about a month. Maybe I need to mellow out and adopt a more generous attitude.
I wish we could get the damn ‘Holiday” nailed down to the second to last thursday of the month.
I mean c’mon October 31st is pretty much nailed as the date of Halloween but “Christmas” is just a ripoff of older winter solstice traditions.
I love Christmas. I get three weeks off work and leave the country every damn year, thus missing the peak moments of insanity leading up to and immediately following America’s Bestest Holy Day. Yup, I love Christmas.
And this:
And this:
I think we need more national holidays.
How about Tina Turner Day?
Jillian, I too find the prospect of another season of ginned up outrage of the effing War on Xmas too mind-numbingly awful to bear. However, St Milton (of Friedman) would not take the position you attribute to him. he was a long-time advocate of the negative income tax for the poor, which inspired the Earned Income Tax Credit.
But how could I resist the temptation offered by a truly ridiculous joke about fiat food, Mona? Come on…how much willpower do you expect me to show?
I’ve long bitterly hated Christmas, partly because it seems to turn a large part of the population into frantic assholes for about a month
This is indeed true. I’ve really mellowed a lot over the last ten years or so, particularly as every part of my body hurts most days, but it’s utterly inevitable that I’ll end up exchanging blows with some asshole “christmas shopper” all wound up on stress and chocolate in a parking lot somewhere every damn year….
mikey
At the Wal-Mart near my house, there was a greeter named Mohammed. So, all December, the first thing you saw when you went in there was a little guy in a turban, who looked like Osama’s jolly uncle, giving you a hearty “Happy Holidays!” And did I mention that his nametag said “Mohammed”? Because it did. Guy named Mohammed saying happy holidays to everybody. I kept waiting for the local Fox station to go batshit, but the closest they ever got was a story about how Christmas trees were a tad pricey. Wusses.
WOO HOO! The War on Christmas 2007 – let’s go kill some Muslims!
What? Where did that come from?
Well, seeing as how the Atheists (Dawkins, Hitchens, &c.) are getting all uppity right now, I decided to do a little research on why, and – lo and behold – guess who’s fault it is? That’s right, MUSLIMS! duh…
Here is the WND article:
“How atheism is being sold to America”
http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=57852
also at the War on Halloween link is another column by (I think) the same guy, titled “The Moral in my Meatloaf.”
He ponders the meaning of Halloween, while lying on his couch smelling meatloaf cooking in the oven. The meatloaf only makes a second appearance in the last sentance:
I will not attempt to make this “holiday” a Christian celebration. I will simply close my door, put away the bowl of candy and shut off the light on my doorstep.
I will honor God tonight, by loving Him more than I love my neighbors. I will honor him tonight, by praying for them, and by asking Him to create an opportunity for them to come on in past my doorstep some night, and enjoy my meatloaf.
So there you have it. Halloween is ungodly, so I will turn off my doorstep light and pretend not to be home. Oh, would that someday God would allow me to welcome people into my home to share my meatloaf!
No-one can expect me to pay any attention to the rest of the thread, after Anne Laurie mentions tee-shirts and “sweet Swedish perks” in the same comment.
LOL – I just went to the “Christian Republic” tee-shirt link and noticed this: “Christian Republic’s patriotic Christian t-shirts are Gildan Ultra Cotton, 6.1-ounce, 100% cotton jersey.”
I guess no one bothered to tell these Xtian idiots that Gildan is a Canadian company, so by buying these tee-shirts they are taking the profits out of the pockets of American CEOs in favor of French-speaking Canadian CEOs in that jihadi hotbed of Montreal (where Gildan is based).
We had a big argument about whether to use Gildan for our pro-Hugo Chavez tee-shirts and decided to go with them [For the rationale, see: http://www.americans-for-chavez.com/Gildan.html ] That’s why the Gildan label caught my eye…
I’m big on Xmas, what with it being a continuation of pagan Solstice festivals and the Roman Festivus
OK, change the name to Santanalia and everyone’s happy.
The Memorial Service was private. Irony has asked that donations in her name be made to the American Institute for Self Awareness.
mikey
I swear, I didn’t write this as snark!
I saw that Rice headline come up on google.com’s news page today. There are no words.
I heard some of that on NPR and almost drove my car off the road, mikey.
I’m going to have to quit listening to news while operating a motor vehicle, or irony won’t be the only thing killed.
Putin is a believer in the Unitary Executive theory.
Damn it all, mikey. I read that hours ago and had just managed to convince myself it was all a weird dream. Now you show up with the evidence that Bobby wasn’t really in the shower all this time and . . .
Hey! It’s cocktail hour.
I, too, celebrate Santanalia, dedicated to the worship of the one, true (guitar) god.
lurker here. RE condi per wikki
Hypocrisy is the act of condemning or calling for the condemnation of another person when the critic is guilty of the act for which he/(SHE) demands that the accused be condemned.
Of course, it could also refer to
Hypocrisy is a death metal band – their lyrics in their early stages were anti-Christian and Satanic, but are now focused on lyrical themes such as the paranormal and extraterrestrial. The band’s style has drifted from a traditional death metal sound on their early albums to a more melodic death metal sound later on. Their latest album, Virus, contains lyrics of a more typical death metal nature, dealing with violence, insanity, war, drug addiction, and emotional struggles.
After considering her behaviour lately, I’m not sure in which category she belongs. Hmmm, Do as I say, not as I do; violence, insanity, war….. Geez, can’t decide. Either way, it’s hypocrisy, n’est-ce pas?
Dr Rice has a special gift for this sort of thing. I remember her explaining once that Iran is not a genuine democracy — because its electoral system is designed to restrict the voters’ choices, and exclude some candidates whom they might actually prefer.
Oh how we laughed.
“our long-term plans to force everyone in the country to participate in a mass gay wedding ceremony each Winter Solstice”
Cool. I’m gonna look awesome in a red-white-and-blue, star-spangled tux.
Also, I think we should convince the Christmas Warriors tha tthe way to fight back against Mrs Field’s is to send them a tin of fruitcake. Now, how to fit Bill O’Reilly into a tin?
**SIGH**
Ok, there’s really only two possibilities left to us.
One, none of this is real. We merely inhabit the first draft of a failed Joseph Heller novel.
Or two. Madness won. Fuck it. Don’t mean nothin. Saddle up you shit and live with it. Or die with it.
I finished a huge project yesterday. The client blocked off a bunch of the parking lot, drug out a couple of webers and grilled up a ton of steak and chicken, buckets of salad and piles of garlic bread. We drug some folding tables out, even though it was drizzling, and a couple guys got out their guitars. It was nice.
Point is, I came home with a very nice grilled hunk of Ribeye. I’m going to stir up an aioli, smear it on a crusty french roll, sautee up some musrooms, garlic and shallots, and lay them on the smeared french. Sizzle up the steak ’til it’s hot and crusty, slice it thin and lay it on the mushrooms on the aioli on the french that jack built. Then, sprinkle on some fresh flat leaf parsley. Slice some fresh end-of-season tomatos and hit it with some shredded gruyere and put it under the broiler (can I get a salamander for christmas, santy?) for a minute or so.
I’ll watch the Indians and Sox. I’m rooting for the indians, but if the sox win the series, I’ll be delighted to root for them against the NL. I’m not terribly invested ’cause my man-crush this year, Mags Ordonez, isn’t in the playoffs, so it’s all the same.
I’ve got single malt scotch for now, a lovely Sausel Zin with dinner and a very nice Patron Tequila I got for my birthday for after.
So Condi? Two words. Fuck you.
mikey
Oh, and before I get drunk and forget:
From Steve Benen at TPM.
Gore told Herbert, “What politics has become requires a level of tolerance for triviality and artifice and nonsense that I have found in short supply.”
The question is, should I respond with a hearty “hear hear” or a dejected sob?
mikey
“triviality and artifice and nonsense ”
There’s contemporary American politics in a nutshell. As a bonus, the three terms map almost perfectly onto the three branches of government.
Wait, Johnny, let me play. I know that triviality is the judiciary. Right? As for the other two, I’d have to go with artifice for Leg and nonsense for Exec. But really, I think you could play mix-n-match. It’s sort of like playing shag, marry, or throw off a cliff, isn’t it?
Your dinner sounds lovely, mikey. Up here in the surprisingly dry and sunny NW, I’m mixing up some fresh lamb with garlic and onions to make kofta with tzatziki and a side of imam bayildi and kalamata olives. We’ve already had a Zubrovka martini and have a bottle of Shiraz on the sideboard.
I hope Condi’s having a nice botulism stew.
Wait. Mikey? It’s your birthday? Happy!
Wait. Mikey? It’s your birthday? Happy!
Birthday was weeks ago. But good tequila takes the right frame of mind. I’m kind of thinking I’ll be in the precisely correct place. So that bottle shall lose its virginity. Fortunately, we can watch the game with the booze we wish we had, not the booze we don’t have and can’t get.
Or something….
I hope Condi’s having a nice botulism stew.
Hee hee….
mikey
I would say:
triviality – legislative
artifice – judiciary
nonsense – executive
But truly, all three branches are merely differing heady mixtures of these three basic elements.
Instead of a gay marriage can I become the sperm donor to a mostly lesbian but occasionally omnivorous lesbian couple?
That’s my Festivus dream.
yeah, i totally need to meet some “occasionally need dick” lesbians, too. cmon, santa.
triviality and artifice and nonsense
You need to add ‘gangrene’ to that list. Remember, the Vice-Presidency is a fourth branch of government.
triviality and artifice and nonsense
Oh, my!
Dorothy: Mr. Bush, what will you ask of the Wizard when we get to the Emerald City?
Bush: If I only had a brain. (sigh)
Dorothy: Mr. Cheney, what will you ask for?
Cheney: You stupid bitch, Dorothy – you know I need a good heart!
Dorothy: Congress, what do you require?
Congress (from behind a tree): Courage. I’d ask for some courage . . .
Happy birthday, Mikey. That dinner sounds great, and the celebration sounds like it was nice too.
I don’t know what to do either. I think the populace has mostly noticed that Bush sucks more than the usual president, but I don’t see a whole lot of action against him. And about Iran, they don’t know much, so will be easy to manipulate.
Yeah, triviality, nonsense and artifice. That’s what the public seems to be into.
Candy, I can’t quite see Cheney as the Tin Man. But otherwise good.
atheist, I was thinking at the end of this version, the wizard would kick Cheney, Bush and Congress in the ass. The heartless Cheney would be left to rust in an industrial park. Dorothy would go back to Kansas and kick all the bible thumpers to the curb. Bush would go back on a stick in a cornfield in Crawford, TX, where crows would dump on him daily. Congress would get a spine, and President Pelosi would rule over the land as Glenda.
The End
Oh! Coulter would play TEh Wicked.
Candy, a couple suggestions;
instead of Dorothy, Graeme.
Coulter plays the first, crushed witch. The Malkin thing gets the bigger role, with her legions of cheetohs fueled flying monkeys.
Instead of water, Graeme unwittingly beats her by coughing on her. This gives the Malkin thing a bad cold, which it turns out her insurance doesn’t cover, and so she dies.
Hmmm . . . I like it, adb. Especially the Malkin thing melting in a pool of snot.
Fucker
That wasn’t me!
How is it “patriotic” to mangle the American flag like that? I still haven’t figured out how it’s patriotic to wave the Confederate flag, and now this comes along.
Bill O’Reilly Xmas Corps showed up foiling my dastardly scheme by providing many green ornaments and party supplies.
Isn’t it amazing how cleaning all of the old St. Patrick’s Day party paraphernalia from his garage can make him a hero with the wingnuts?
“I think there is too much concentration of power in the Kremlin. I have told the Russians that. Everybody has doubts about the full independence of the judiciary. There are clearly questions about the independence of the electronic media and there are, I think, questions about the strength of the Duma,” said Rice, referring to the Russian parliament.
At least Putin did it without paying through the nose for “help” from Diebold!
[…] From a post over at Sadly No!, here are couple of […]
I’m going to stir up an aioli, smear it on a crusty french roll, sautee up some musrooms, garlic and shallots, and lay them on the smeared french. Sizzle up the steak ’til it’s hot and crusty, slice it thin and lay it on the mushrooms on the aioli on the french that jack built. Then, sprinkle on some fresh flat leaf parsley. Slice some fresh end-of-season tomatos and hit it with some shredded gruyere and put it under the broiler (can I get a salamander for christmas, santy?) for a minute or so.
Happy B-day, Mikey! It’s been drizzling here all day, so we can’t grill steaks. As I type, a rib roast is sizzling in the oven, a green salad with taragon vinagrette awaits, sugar peas are ready to nuke, and there are lemon tarts for dessert. And I am hoisting a glass of pinot noir in your honor. (And because I’ve worked my ass off all week and deserve it!)
Wow. good dinners for everyone.
Just came home from an evening at the theatre that was a pleasant surprise – knockout revue of Frank Loesser songs sung by an extremely talented cast.
Had a great dinner at a dark and classic dive beforehand; hearts of lettuce salad, a great burger and some mac and cheese. Poured a nightcap – spouse is watching the end of the ball game. Dog is curled up on his bed with a cookie.
life is good. Fuck Malkin and O’Reilly and Coulter and the horses they rode in on.
Ban everything with .info in the url.
Belated happy birthday, mikey. Maybe this will get picked up by a spamblog as well, and news of your birthday will be spread far and wide across the web, wherever a search engine is trapped.
Also, I’m not buying anything for wingnuts this year. Surely they can get everything their hearts desire with the massive tax cuts Bush has granted them. Right? Well, then, why the fuck are they wingnuts in the first place? That’s just dumb. Way too dumb for presents. If I gave them a Jesusflag t-shirt they’d most likely just soak it in lighter fluid and wear it in front of the fire. I’m not being a party to that.
OK. Here’s the thing.
Those two “Christians” wearing teh American-flag-with-a-cross-replacing-teh-stars t-shirts…
WTF?!?
No, really…
.
W. T. F?!
What I mean is, they desecrate our flag and, yet, expect to be seen as patriotic?! What’s up with that?
Also, are they married? Or, at least, related somehow? ‘Cos it just isn’t proper for an unmarried, adult woman to be seen in the company of an adult male without a chaperone. They’re sinning, so it’s really not a very “Christian” photo, either.
Unless, you know, they’re actually married.
So, in the end, they’re blasphemers and anti-patriots.
Nice.
If the mockery of the American flag by the Christians annoys, you, you’ll love this!
Also, I am officially jealous of all of your lives, and even your meals from last night.
[ seethes for a few minutes ]
OK. Better now. So, what have I been eating? Well, basically, I’ve been eating shit and not dying, much to the disappointment of a handful and ignored by a far greater group of people. OTOH, that’s what I can afford to eat, so I can’t complain too much.
Besides, I actually kinda like the crap I eat. It’s just that I really like the good stuff, too. I’d like to mix it up a bit, andgo back and forth between the two..
Even as is, every once in a while, I’ll splurge and get something nice, or go out to a decent restaurant.
But, not too much.
It never fails to amuse me that when I began my blog to vent about years of frustration with my fellow liberals and anger over 9/11 that I was embraced by so many on the right (who eventually became rather alarmed at my posts not on these subject dealing with the support of gay rights and other “left-wing” causes), linked all over the place and invited to join group blogs, etc.
Once I got that out of my system, however, and turned my attention back to the “Christmas Separatists” & evangelicals” as well as the many others on all sides, I have been told by more than one “anti-jihadi” blogosphere resident that I am being paranoid. Even when I point out the irony they don’t get it.
Perhaps they should see these alarming t-shirts, though they may be more alarmed by the Empire State Building’s Eid lighting, but I think most Americans could hardly help but to notice that the “Jesus Camp”ers are becoming more strident in their views and their methods of sharing these views…dare I say imposing?….on the rest of us? It’s not just the kooks I live around, this is going on everywhere here, and it’s freakish.
Hey! Where’d my attempt to console Marq go? Did you guys censor my Spam Chowder comment? Bastards. You’ll keep Little Orphan Annie and Doc Sammich around, but you censor me? You squares just can’t handle the reality, man!
(Yes, I’m fully aware that I was probably just a friendly fire victim of someone cleaning up after the spamblog weasel. Still. It’s been like, months, since I was banned from an IRC channel, even, so I have to get my angst points where I can.)
W.T.F.?!?
Was that directed at me or the spamblogger? It’s an advertising scam, essentially. Autopirate feed from the web, get paid by your ads for each item you post. They are assholes, polluting the commons.
That white cross on the blue background reminded me of some fascist designs but I couldn’t find anything specifically sinister. Unless this is an “original design”.
Although having a symbolic representation of a common historical method of excecution instead of 50 states… I guess its more of that “founded as a Christian Nation” nonsense…
What would Bill Hicks say ?
Although having a symbolic representation of a common historical method of excecution instead of 50 states…
Good point. The tee-shirt design would look way better if the top-left corner consisted of a white noose on a blue background, rather than a cross.
I figured as much. Really annoying, more than anything else. And it doesn’t help that they’re selling God & Jeebus to a disinterested crowd.
Really, guys. You can’t threaten me with a lake of fire that doesn’t, in fact, exist.
Where did you get that pic of the two people in the T-shirts? I think I know that guy!
I just thought of an alternate Holiday greeting
Merry Christ-punch!
(Moe of the Simpsons would approve).