Shorter Charles Krauthammer
Posted on August 12th, 2007 by Gavin M.
(L-R) Krauthammer, Abe Foxman
- As for me, for the record, I denounce the traitor, Dreyfus.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Note: Voici.
Based on the lies he has been telling about the FISA bill, can we call him the Washington Fabulist?
Or rather, Washington Fabulist #245?
Well of course the military is full of inhuman monsters who wear the skulls of children as trophies and run down dogs for fun – that story is so boring that it is unpublishable.
The real key is that by his OWN ADMISSION, Beauchamp was a viscious sadist before he ever went to Iraq. Therefore, the military has no responsibility whatsoeverfor what he and the various other sociopaths
and criminally insane recruits do while they are in the country.
The surge is working!
Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’
Though rivers of blood are swollen
Keep that narrative rollin’
Rawhide!
It’s the story of a disgusting human being, a mocker of the disfigured, who then goes to Iraq and, as such human beings are wont to do, finds the company of other such human beings who kill dogs for sport, wear the bones of dead children on their heads and find similar amusement in mocking the disfigured.
Finds the company of…? You mean these guys formed their own unit? Hell, I might enlist if I could form my own unit. And order the unit to spend all day at the embassy pool.
The Weekly Standard quoted an anonymous military source…
Huh? “Quoted” an anonymous source? That’s good. Just as good as TNR’s fact checking, at least.
Hey, wha’ hoppen to the frog talk above? Je vous denonce! Cons!
Je penserait que personne ne comprendraient….
Because it fits perfectly into the most virulent narrative of the antiwar left. The Iraq war — “George Bush’s war,” as even Hillary Clinton, along with countless others who had actually endorsed the war, now calls it — has caused not only the sorrow and destruction that we read about every day.
Does “virulent” now mean “truthful?” Whose war is it then? Clinton may have voted for it, but it wasn’t her idea to begin with. And for someone eager to dismiss the writing styles of others, shouldn’t the Hammer of Kraut have a comma & “but” at the end of the sentence, followed by another phrase, or not have “not only” in the sentence?
L’autre idee que j’aurais, c’est. . .um, the frickin’ tenses are killing me here. . .c’a ete que, parce que Dreyfus a ete Alsacien, Krauthammer pouvait parler en Allemagne, etre que: “Ach! I kondemm zis Dreyfuss!” etc.
Personne n’a etais compris.
If that final verb thing makes any sense. Passe-compose subjunctive brain-explodey = probably wrong…
Somehow it is funny no matter howez-vous writes it. Ca plane pour moi!
Vous pouvez bien avoir raison, ces americains ne sont pas les plus intelligents du monde. Et je vous prie de m’excuser mes accents, je ne sais plus où se trouve mon dictionnaire français. Bravo aussi pour l’usage du subjonctif. Salut!
Je pense que la dernière doit être: “Personne n’aura compris.”
(Yeesh, been a while. Back to anglais à l’americain.)
Whur lolcons/?? lien rite wngerz no funee!!1!
Hey Punko, Plastic Bertrand is a sale belge. Pfui!!
Bon soir, tout le monde!
Mais, le subjonctif, ce me fait souffrir comme un chien qui a ete coupé a une voiture.
Et-il necessaire qu’on soit si correct?
(Heh-heh — ‘soit.’ Apparently, despite all obstacles, I can still do ‘etre.’)
What about J’en Ai Marre, the guy from the Smiths?
I swear it’s an unacknowledged French pun — his birth name is Marsden.
–Johnny McCrack
Two years ago, Scott Beauchamp would have been lauded for pulling off a brilliant maneuver.
….Uhh… La bibliotheque est sur le droit de le Rue de Gaul?
Who knew the Special Olympics had a pundit contest?
Or are those Medals o’ Freedom?
It’s the story of a disgusting human being, a mocker of the disfigured
Would a person who belittles a blind man for wearing sunglasses and makes fun of a death row inmate for requesting clemency fall into that category?
Ou est le singe?
Le singe est sur la branche.
Plume de ma tante, plume de ma tante.
My hovercraft is full of eels.
I only speak the English language, but it’s pretty cool that many of you here are fluent in Freedom…
The last line of his op-ed
The only thing we learn from Scott Thomas Beauchamp is what literary ambition can make men say.
is delicious. To put it succintly:
s/literary/(tv|newspaper|radio) (appearance|publication)/g
or something like that.
In wingnuttia, Chuckie is considered serious and very wise. I’m not joking.
Cabbagehammer.
Charles Marteau-de-Chou
See, it’s just too stupid to even contemplate.
How many guys snapped photos clowning with dead VC or NVA, a lit cigarette in the corpses mouth, their arm draped over the dead shoulders in camaraderie? Thousands, at least. In scrapbooks all over america.
How many guys went a little crazy and took a string of ears? Thousands.
How many raped 8, 9, 10 year old vietnamese girls because they could? Thousands.
How many killed NVA troops trying to surrender because taking them was a pain in the ass? Thousands.
How many called air or arty onto a ville because it was just plain safer to go through if everybody was dead? Thousands.
How many years has war dehumanized young men, turned them into vicious killers because the option is to die hard and young? Thousands.
Scott Beauchamp. Another in the long proud line of warriors…
mikey
But…but…but..mikey! he made fun of the contractor in Kuwait, not in Iraq! So that means our soldiers are all noble and pure and paint schools instead of run over dogs.
This blog’s socialist sympathies become more blatant by the hour.
Soon, you’ll be singing L’Internationale and calling everyone citoyen.
Then, of course, you’ll all be put in camps. That’s what they do with traitors.
That’s a selling point for most of us.
That’n the take-no-prisoners snark.
Even if it gets us in trouble with the PC police every once in a while.
**trots off to the LOLcat generator**
But as always, Kraphammer and the other LOLCons don’t know anything about war other than what they see on the John Wayne flicktoons.
Because they are happy to send others to kill, and die, and go through all that stuff mikey said.
But they themselves are too important to subject themselve to it.
They ALL need big sammiches.
I can’t help wondering what Foxman is handing to Krauthammer in the picture. Miniature cymbals? Foil-wrapped chocolate discus? Goldplated wheels?
That’s Hanukkah gelt, dude.
Then, of course, you’ll all be put in camps. That’s what they do with traitors.
Just to reiterate, so there’s no confusion. I’ll be taking the Col. Hogan role. All ur blondes are belong to us…
mikey
Notice the way he attacks Beauchamp’s credibility without naming who these “commentators and soldiers” are. Uses “soliders” for extra-plausibility bonus points. These people were attacking “Scott Thomas” for using a cover not but a few weeks ago.
Irony is lost on these people.
I am only half-jokingly in favor of requiring major print columnists to take a rhetoric and logic class with a mandatory final that they must pass to be able to write for any national or major metropolitan periodical.
That’d put Kraphammer (not to mention L.A. Times Pantload) right out on the street, and really, how many people’s day’s here would start out with a sadistic smile after reading that bit of news?
I am only half-jokingly in favor of requiring major print columnists to take a rhetoric and logic class with a mandatory final that they must pass to be able to write for any national or major metropolitan periodical.
I’m guessing “half-joking” is because we know that the faulty logic isn’t an accident. They know they’re polishing turds – and it works!
“Krauthammer was born in New York City and raised in Montreal. He was educated at McGill University, majoring in political science and economics, Oxford University (Commonwealth Scholar in Politics) and Harvard (M.D. in 1975). He practiced medicine for three years as a resident and then chief resident in psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital. ”
Yep, a couple of trite classes would surely trip this guy up.
I’m guessing you haven’t read the column in question.
Simba, you’d be surprised what otherwise highly intelligent people can warp themselves into believing.
I think the breaking point for me on this issue was many, many years ago. Long enough ago, in fact, that I was watching the Donahue show when it happened. I know I’m totally dating myself with that reference, but what can I say? I was a weird kid. Never much into playing with dolls and toys, but very caught up in the strange growunp world around me.
Anyway, Phil Donahue was doing a segment on kids being raised by their parents in cults. One of the guests was a woman who had joined a cult, and her ex-husband was waging a legal battle to get custody of his child back so he could get the kid away from the cult.
So, this lawyer on stage starts talking about the case, and I remember thinking “Well, this lady’s a lawyer, and I know lawyers (my aunt is one) and they are really smart and really logical, and this cult stuff is crazy, so she’ll be talking about what the dad needs to do to get his daughter back.”
Turns out the lawyer was also a member of the cult, and was talking about how the cult was a perfect place to raise children, and the father was a sinner and therefore an unfit parent.
I never had any faith in people’s ability to apply logic consistently across all aspects of their lives after that.
It’s in part what makes me as unbending of an atheist as I am, in fact. The realization of how easy it is to compartmentalize rationality, and to be perfectly rational in parts A, B, and C of one’s life, yet a total looney-toons in parts D and E – and never even realize you are doing it – makes me pretty ruthless with myself (and others, I suppose). To put it simply: rational thinking is the most goddamned difficult thing you’ll ever try to do in your life, and if you allow even the teeniest, tiniest corner of irrationality to sneak into your mind, you have absolutely no way of knowing where it will stop. It’s the one slippery slope argument that seems sound to me, based on my experience with it in the real world.
Irrationality kills, and Krautie boy will never, ever be able to realize just how shitty his thinking in certain areas is. It’s sad, because I’m sure he’s not stupid – but he is evil. And the saddest part is that ultimately, no one is responsible for it but him. Just like the rest of them.
I can’t help wondering what Foxman is handing to Krauthammer in the picture. Miniature cymbals? Foil-wrapped chocolate discus? Goldplated wheels?
I think it is the ADL annual award for most moronic, gramatically incorrect article writtien by a wingnut. The competition is tough, but old Charlie scooped it again. Although the proze looks like large chocolate coins, its actually a new pair of balls, extra large wingnut size.
As for that picture of old Chuckie, is that not just a bit scary, he kind of looks like Gary Gliter the day he was arrested.
Actually, if you run Chucks’ name through the Google German to English translator, it comes out as herb hammer, oddly enough.
Sounds fierce, don’t it?
Although the prize looks like large chocolate coins, its actually a new pair of balls, extra large wingnut size.
The other possibility that came to mind was “gold-tinted spectacles”.
I’m with Mikey on this one – the bouncing up and down and high-fiving and fingerpointing over the whole affair du Beauchamp are the products of people deliberately clinging to whatever tiny threads of justification they can to ignore the larger picture. The picture that the really don’t want to have to confront … the one where men sent to war pretty much say fuck it, I don’t care what I have to do, I’m getting out the other side of this one alive, and I don’t care what I have to do to get there. Except that the trip to the other side involves pretty much killing whatever person you used to be.
Some people are able to rebuild themselves. Some people are able to build a new person. Some people just drink and drug themselves to forget. And a whole bunch of wingnut commentators pat themselves on the back and worship the image they have in their heads of what they think is involved in going to war.
BTW – thanks for the Dreyfus references. Very apt; but I hope that the U.S. does not have to go down the rabbit hole that far to get some kind of reconciliation between reality as it is and the reality that the conservative forces wish to cling to and make everyone else agree to accept. ‘Cause that process sucks.
How many guys went a little crazy and took a string of ears? Thousands.
I bet it was more than that.
My mother’s brother, my father, his brother, all had ears on a string. None of them knew served together, that was all done as independent actions in different units and branches of the military.
One of the ears came off a guy who collected scrap wood out of the firebase and someone was convinced that a rocket stand they found contained some of the same boards so next time the guy came around to collect wood he told him there was a big pile outside the base, led him out and blew his brains out when no one was looking.
This shit happens and when you want to get a war going this is what you are signing up for.
“Krauthammer was born in New York City and raised in Montreal. He was educated at McGill University, majoring in political science and economics, Oxford University (Commonwealth Scholar in Politics) and Harvard (M.D. in 1975). He practiced medicine for three years as a resident and then chief resident in psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital. ”
Yep, a couple of trite classes would surely trip this guy up.
Somehow, the aphorism about lipstick on a pig seems appropriate here.
All that higher education, and he still doesn’t understand the concept of medical ethics. In fact, by using his negligable “credibility” as a psychiatrist to diagnose people in public, he manages to hit the nadir of ethical behavior regardless of which way one views it. Either he is diagnosing people he has never met clinically, and speaking from absolute ignorance, or he is speaking about people whom he has diagnosed professionally and thereby violating doctor-patient privilege to score political points.
God has told me not to read Charles Cabbagethumper (here, Thumper! Hippity-hoppety!) but nevertheless I gather he has revealed that a US soldier is a big fat liar. And he knows this to be the case because the man has no moral standing. Because the man said that he made fun of a disfigured woman. Therefore everything he says must be lies. So he didn’t make fun of a disfigured woman. But then what he says must be true. In which case, he made fun of a disfigured woman. Therefore everything he says must be lies. In which case . . .
Isn’t this known as the Cretin Paradox?
That picture made me finally grasp something that I’d been trying to put my finger on about the Kraut Hammer’s macabre presence – he’s actually a mannequin! I can just picture him sitting on Cheney’s lap spouting wingnut punchlines emitted from the Dark Lord’s twisted grimace.
I just took the opportunity to look up Krauthammer’s page on wikipedia, which gives this quote from the Financial Times:
“Lately, his proclamation of the ‘dawn of a glorious, delicate revolutionary movement in the Middle East’ looks less prescient than a year ago, but he is a long-term thinker.”
Umm … that word, “long term thinker”. I do not think it means what I think the Financial Times thinks it means ( / Inigo Montoya ).
Nu? About a “long term thinker”, you’d say something like “his proclamation of the ‘dawn of a glorious, delicate revolutionary movement in the Middle East’ looks more prescient than a year ago” … unless they are positing that in 70 years Krauthammer will be vindicated, someone who’s ideas seem less true (the word “prescient” also doesn’t mean what I think the Financial Times thinks it means) than they did when they were uttered, is, um, precisely the opposite of a long-term thinker!
When I look at him, I think of Davros.
“Today, the Human race is ended, consumed in a fire of war. But, from its ashes will rise a new race. The supreme creature. The ultimate conqueror of the universe. The Krauthammer!”
Why does Krauthammer continually have this purse-lipped smirk on his face that makes him look like Joel Grey should be doing bad impersonations of him?
EXTERMINATE!!!! EXTERMINATE!!!!