Why Our Species is Doomed to Extinction
When aliens from the future study why humanity destroyed itself, I think this will a key historical e-document:
The reviews only grew more savage when Gore crossed over to the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee in the afternoon for a second hearing. “You’ve been so extreme in some of your expressions that you’re losing some of your own people,” announced Sen. James Inhofe (Okla.), the committee’s ranking Republican and the man who has called man-made global warming “the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people.”
Inhofe informed Gore that scientists are “radically at odds with your claims.” Displaying a photograph of icicles in Buffalo, Inhofe demanded: “How come you guys never seem to notice it when it gets cold? . . . Where is global warming when you really need it?”
And that’s about it, folks. Because it’s cold in Buffalo during the winter, global warming can’t be real.
There are times when I think we just deserve to die off. This is one of them.
However, there is yet hope:
Barton informed Gore that some of his ideas “are just flawed.” Under Gore’s plan, Barton said, “we can have no new industry, no new cars and trucks on the streets, and apparently no new people.”
But this was no match for Gore. “The planet has a fever,” he lectured Barton. “If your baby has a fever, you go to the doctor. If the doctor says you need to intervene here, you don’t say, ‘Well, I read a science fiction novel that tells me it’s not a problem.’ If the crib’s on fire, you don’t speculate that the baby is flame-retardant. You take action.”
The audience laughed. Barton started reading the newspaper, then discovered he wasn’t getting much support even from his own side. Bob Inglis (R-S.C.) admitted he paid to see “An Inconvenient Truth.” Roscoe Bartlett (R-Md.), implicitly rebuking flat-Earth colleagues, said: “It’s possible to be a conservative without appearing to be an idiot.” Barton flashed a grin of annoyance.
At one time, this was true. But nowadays, conservatism as a political philosophy boils down to hating gays, torturing Muslims and banning evolution.
Over on the Senate side, Inhofe was determined to avoid a fate like Barton’s. Given just 12 minutes to question Gore, Inhofe warned him that “I want the same ad-lib time that you have.” When Gore didn’t answer his questions succinctly enough, Inhofe ordered: “I’m going to ask you to respond for the record in writing.”
“Well,” said Gore, “if I choose to respond to you verbally here, I hope that’ll be okay, too.”
“If it’s a very brief response,” Inhofe directed, then declared that Gore could not answer any questions until Inhofe had finished his allotted time.
Boxer broke in. “You’re not making the rules,” she said, raising the gavel. “You used to when you had this.” The hall filled with applause.
Y’know, I’ll admit that I’m not the biggest fan of the Democrats. I think too many of them are sleazy opportunists who care more about their own future presidential bids than about doing what’s right for the country (see the Iraq war vote for evidence).
But I will gladly work to keep them in power just because they’re not complete fucking morons like James “ICICLES IN BUFFALO DISPROVE GLOBAL WARMING, BWAH-HA-HA!!!” Inhofe.
Inhofe made me wince, and the gavel bit made me smile.
Are we allowed to use the word “consensus” in America regarding global warming yet? Or are we waiting for Joe Barton and Jim “there are no homosexuals in my immediate family” Inhofe to come aboard? Because it could be a long wait.
Ooh, my check from the ExxonMobil PR flacks just showed up….
….As I was saying, climate change is the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people. Don’t they see the frost buildup in my freezer?!
The problem is the name. Yes, global warming is apt because the average global temperature is increasing. But not everywhere is getting hotter. A big part of the problem is the effect on weather patterns. Longer dry spells in some areas, longer wet seasons in others, shorter growing seasons in one place & longer in another, more destructive storms.
But the opponents stick to a literal interpretation of the name. Therapuetic cloning had the same problem. No one was cloning people; it was referring to the process to replicate stem cell lines.
I do think in Inhofe’s defense that he is that stupid, but for the most part this intentional confusion/misunderstanding is an easy way for pundits & media to paint a simple picture than the Fox News crowd can swallow.
My father-in-law uses the same type of literalism in his debating (lecturing according to my wife). But when I tell him what global warming or stem cells are really about, he at least listens. For him, it’s more like being the DI in Full Metal Jacket ~ he wants me to be consistent in my approach to his inconsistent arguements.
Inhofe informed Gore that scientists are “radically at odds with your claims.� Displaying a photograph of icicles in Buffalo, Inhofe demanded: “How come you guys never seem to notice it when it gets cold? . . . Where is global warming when you really need it?�
And because four, possibly even five, drops of water fell from the sky onto my car today, we here in South Australia don’t have a massive drought. That’ll be good news for the farmers.
And who are these “scientists” who are apparently radically at odds with claims of global warming? ‘Creation scientists’, perhaps? Stick-it-on-a-slab-and-run-some-lightning-through-it scientists? Or these sorts of scientists?
Y’know, in the good old days, these ignorant muffins were the natural prey for confidence tricksters. How come they’re now in control?
Basically, the only panelists I missed all day long were Joe Barton and James Inhofe.
I’m assuming that somewhere in my past is is some minor, petty crime — a girl who I never called after a one-night stand, a stolen pack of chewing gum, driving home from the bar, taking a leak on someone’s prized begonias — for which I was punished yesterday.
Seanly- you still haven’t explained why putting your dick into a bucket of ice is SO DAMN COLD, HAVE YOU???
We’re all doomed, so get yours before it’s gone.
My God, how did the United States become a world superpower? Do we really owe our success to the military industrial complex? Is military hegemony and corporatism our only claim to fame?
Inhofe is a US Senator. He sits on the Committee on Environment and Public Works. He is one of the most ignorant men in America. He is part of the GOP’s Limbaughian faction. Those guys think you pet animals with hammers. What. The. Fuck.
I’m glad Boxer had that moment with the gavel, but she needs to extend that spirit to the Environment and Public Works website, where Inhofe flunkie, Swift Boat liar, and all around creep Marc Morano is apparently still allowed to post his crap without even a rebuttal from the majority.
Sheesh.
Eric B
Inhofe-Boxer-Gavelwave.
Why do these guys even pretend to debate, or pretend to like science?
Why don’t they just do the Vince McMahon face theater like they do in professional wrestling? You know just walk around Al Gore, bugging their eyes out, doing enough facial expressions for old pre-talkies movies, and start yelling into the mic about how none of these wimpy, gay satanic eggheads are gonna tell them that their magic ‘science’ knows what the earf is gonna do.
Hey, science type guys, if we evolved from monkeys, why are they still around? Huh?
The problem is the name. Yes, global warming is apt because the average global temperature is increasing. But not everywhere is getting hotter. A big part of the problem is the effect on weather patterns. Longer dry spells in some areas, longer wet seasons in others, shorter growing seasons in one place & longer in another, more destructive storms.
I’ve had this same discussion with various wingnuts over the years– it’s a common tactic. “I had to shovel my car out of the snow last week– don’t tell me about global warming.” You know, that kind of nuanced, thoughtful argument. The selfishness and willful stupidity of these people never ceases to astound. The “icicles in Buffalo” theory is really something special, though. See, there’s no global warming, because ice still exists.
Because finding new ways to build energy efficient cars/truck/whatever will require no new industry or people or education. We can just wave our magic fairy wands and it will rain ponies and 100MPG Suburbans and lightbulds that never burn out and can be run by a hamster running in a wheel.
I just wish Inhofe would stop using the damn fairy wand to try to find his brain. You can’t find that which never existed.
weather = current events.
climate = history.
Cucuracha,
I did see that … it was sweet … but I’ve longed to see James “You can’t spell Science Fiction without Science” Inhofe get his comeuppance in chambers.
“It’s possible to be a conservative without appearing to be an idiot.�
Of course it is. Some conservatives can appear quite intelligent. They have doctorates, and serious affect, and articulate clearly.
It’s rather trickier to be a conservative without actually being an idiot.
“It’s possible to be a conservative without appearing to be an idiot.�
Of course it is. Some conservatives can appear quite intelligent. They have doctorates, and serious affect, and they articulate clearly.
It’s rather trickier to be a conservative without actually being an idiot.
It is possible to be a conservative without appearing to be an idiot, but like pimpin’, it ain’t easy. Otherwise a lot more people would be able to do it.
Darwin Award winners on a global scale.
I do wish they hadn’t invited Gore. I mean, I appreciate his effort to spread the word, but Congress should be getting testimony on science from scientists, not politicians or God forbid science fiction writers. What purpose does it actually serve for Gore to testify, beyond turning what should be a sober debate about one of the two or three most important issues for the next 50-100 years into a political carnival? As it is the media will just do its usual giggle-at-Gore routine. Why not invite 20 of the world’s leading climate scientists instead?
I honestly don’t understand. You could accept the science and disagree about what to do about it. There is a balance that needs to be struck between economic growth and greenhouse gas mitigation. You could be anywhere on that scale and not appear to be dumber than a box of hammers. There are actions we could take that are economically neutral. There are actions that have a negative impact on the economy. There are actions that would create wealth. It really makes no sense to me. Of course, they also could just say “God created evolution” rather than “evolution is a lie”. They seem to want to appear stupid…
mikey
It has been scary watching the birth of the “Republican Faith” these last 20 years.
Alright, so you say global warming is causing sea levels to rise, and that these have recently claimed their first inhabited island—Lohachara Island in India—but I just went golfing on Hilton Head this weekend, so how do you explain that? How can there be global warming if the golf course is still there?
NPR did a real hatchet job on Gore’s appearance this morning. They portrayed his as a clown, a geek, or a preacher and then talked about how “big” he is. Not once did they address the science.
They do not deserve your support, ever.
There’s been a good bit of discussion in the intertubes about whether my senior Senator, James Inhofe, is truly dumb as a bag of hammers, or whether he is merely a paid shill for the oil and gas industry.
I think we can reach a happy consensus on this issue.
Jim Inhofe is both dumb as a bag of hammers and a paid shill for the oil and gas industry.
“We are dumb all over, and a little ugly on the side…”
I would argue we are very ugly on the side, but who really cares. I for one welcome our new saltwater overlords.
Did anyone happen to explain why Buffalo got 200 or so inches of lake-effect snow along with those icicles? Or did the lack of one-syllable words in the weather explanation make his head hurt?
Well I read somewhere that babies are fireproof…
Qetesh the Shaved Abyssinian said,
And because four, possibly even five, drops of water fell from the sky onto my car today, we here in South Australia don’t have a massive drought.
And even more astonishingly, Australian cats are permitted to drive cars. I tried to teach my cat to ride a bicycle, and the neighbors called the animal cruelty police. WTF?
Hmm. On second reading, I guess Qetesh doesn’t say he drives the car- just refers to it as “my” car. That makes perfect sense. Never mind.
Are we allowed to use the word “consensus� in America regarding global warming yet? Or are we waiting for Joe Barton and Jim “there are no homosexuals in my immediate family� Inhofe to come aboard? Because it could be a long wait.
The’ll wait until the only cold place left is Hell.
Inhofe informed Gore that scientists are “radically at odds with your claims.â€? Displaying a photograph of icicles in Buffalo, Inhofe said: “This group of reputable scientists informed me personally that it gets cold sometimes”
All this time I thought global warming, meant and average warming of the whole globe. It’s a good thing we have Inhofe to explain to us that is means everywhere on the globe will be warm at the same time. Well,by that logic absinence only education is also a hoax because it would mean that everytime someone has sex, they have to have a baby.
Gore is obviously quite wrong. If babies are fire-retardant, the sooner we find out the better, given all their possible applications in the construction industry as a substitute for asbestos.
“Well I read somewhere that babies are fireproof…”
Sadly no, and we’re not going to mention that…accident last year.
RobW, Queens of my stature get chauffeured, thank you very much. We have no need of such mundane chores to endanger our claws, we merely sit in the back and yack on the cell phone.
There’s also a mini-bar, full of tasty sashimi treats.
run by a hamster running in a wheel
Like the Sadly, No! servers? [ducks, cuts and runs]
Al Gore claimed he’d invented fire.9
All you dirty hippies who tried to get in to see Al Gore testify but didn’t because the line was too long, next time contact linestanding.com and have your front-row seat guaranteed. For a fee, of course.
Why didn’t Gore have a comeback ready? “Senator, studies in child development show that by the age of about 18 months, we generally understand the basic concepts of space and time; by the age of about two, we understand the idea of speech and communication, and by the age of three we come to know the distinction between the specific and the general: that is, the difference between ‘that thing over there’ and ‘the general class of things like that,’ for example the difference between ‘one cold day in one cold place’ and ‘the general warming trend over the planet, over time.’ Senator, how old are you?”
I was hoping Barbara Boxer would have, in her ingenuous but touched with a bit o’ sultry voice, said, in response to what Inhofe wanted:
How about this, you let Al Gore answer the questions you ask while you sit here and drink your glass of shut the hell up.
Hey, science type guys, if we evolved from monkeys, why are they still around? Huh?
Because the GOP has to have *someone* to elect.
Mostly Harmless thanks you for your entry in the Blogocalypse Carnival.
“How come you guys never seem to notice it when it gets cold? . . . Where is global warming when you really need it?�
Give the guy credit for honesty, anyway. Global warming might actually be a good thing if it makes for less heinous winters in my part of the world! The rest of the planet can fuck off and die slowly for all I care.
“Hey, science type guys, if we evolved from monkeys, why are they still around? Huh?”
The more pressing question is, “Why do we keep electing them Senators from Oklahoma?”
Man, when Roscoe Bartlett lectures his fellow Repubs about appearing to be idiots, you know the conservatards have sunk to a new low; in Maryland, Bartlett is known as being only slightly smarter than a decapitated turkey. (Outside of his home district of Western Maryland, that is.) Can they get any dumber? (Rhetorical question.)
Exxon Mobile and their ilk are simply not getting their money’s worth from their paid Congressmen any more. Imhofe was great when he chaired the committee that “oversaw” the energy industry for the last six years–after all, how much talent does it take to stall. Barton, same thing.
Something tells me the oil industry will be looking around for slightly brighter public servants to buy.
More than likely, actually, the reason our species may become extinct is due possibly to our own actions and the effects of those actions on bees populations, both here and abroad.
AIDS For The Bee Industry
Inhofe, the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the people of Oklahoma.
Phillybits, that thing about bees is clearly wrong and alarmist, because Senator Inhofe got stung by a bee just the other day.
Keep this shit up, America, and you won’t be the world leaders at anything, let alone science and technology.
I’m not sure our species is doomed to extinction. I do know that trolls who post comments here are. I love this place, except that there are not enough built-in protections for trolls. And yes, I get the issue of free speech, as should be abundantly clear in my sentiments on the whole…
…Bong Hits 4 Jesus…
Dr BLT
http://www.drblt.net/music/bongHITS4.mp3
…issue…
but shouldn’t there be a few limits to protect us trolls from extinction? I would like to be proclaimed an endangered species.
Nice summation. Really, isn’t it sad that Inhofe is a friggin’ Senator?!?
God and the Earth may have to kill us all for the Earth to survive. Look at all the past civilizations that disappeared, usually because they used up all their resources. Since we have a global economy, when we crash it will be global. Still, who is willing, or even able, to change their lifestyles enough to make a difference?
As an Oklahoman, I apologize for our senators. We’ll try harder next time to get someone better. Like anyone.
I wonder when Inhofe and his ilk think their “Rapture” will come for them? With any luck it’ll be soon and those of us who live in the real world can get things done.
There is a balance that needs to be struck between economic growth and greenhouse gas mitigation.
Yes, and the scientists are currently stating that we need to reduce our carbon emissions by upwards of 90% within the next 30 years or climate change becomes a runaway process due to the methane (also a GG) which will be released when the Canadian and Siberian tundras thaw. There is as much methane in those tundras as all the carbon emissions human beings have ever released due to the use of fossil fuels. [Insert pre-emptive fart joke here]
In which case Europe will likely get another ice age, and the Midwest will stop being a breadbasket and start being a desert.
[…] God, Mickey. This is lame even by your standards. You’ve stooped to using the same logic as James “Can’t be none global warmin’, i’s cold’re’n my mammy̵…. Can anyone explain why Slate is still paying this useless hack to write such absurdities? And also […]