This is why I log onto the Internet in the morning
Wanna hear something funny? “Reverse racism.” Ha ha, I know, but keep reading as Burt Prelutsky retells this hoary old standard:
Most whites in this country are not racist. In their heart, they agree with black comedian Chris Rock when he says, “I love black people, but I hate niggers,� even if they themselves are not allowed to make such an honest declaration.
Yikes, Burt. That’s not so much an “honest declaration” as an illuminative one. Whenever I hear someone repeat that bit, I think to myself: “I’ll bet that person’s kind of an asshole, and probably a racist. They also need some new comedy tapes.”
Burt Prelutsky: “I’m not a racist, but…”
About that joke: I understand the point Rock was trying to make, and I’m not sure it’s entirely objectionable in intent — which is to draw a distinction between black people who commit crimes and behave irresponsibly and, you know, black people. However, all Rock ended up accomplishing was to provide racists with a socially acceptible excuse to satisfy their burnin’ yearnin’ to use the N-word (“What?!? I was just quoting Chris Rock!”) and then continue prejudging black people for the way they look, not by the color of their skin but by the contents of their wardrobe (or Walkman).
Actually, what most whites are is cowardly. When we see black kids with the top of their baggy pants drooping somewhere south of their butts, annoying people with their ear-splitting boom boxes, saying “they be� when they mean “they are,� and we pretend that theirs is a different, but equally fine culture as our own, we’re no better than those enablers who give money to drug addicts or booze to alcoholics.
Let’s set aside the apparent fact that Burt hasn’t encountered a black kid since breakdancing was widely popular and address the substance of his point. Seriously, why can’t old codgers yell at whippersnappers for doing the dumb shit young people do and always have done? Isn’t that what old farts have always done? It’s the natural order of things. Why, when my own grandfather was a boy he once fell 40 feet from a bridge into the Ohio River while he was catching pigeons for a nickel a head. Some men in a rowboat hauled him out of the water and beat him for swimming in the river because, they said, he could get hurt. True story, but I digress.
When we finally stop patronizing loafers, louts and criminals, stop encouraging people who were born 120 years after the Emancipation Proclamation, 20 years after the passage of the Civil Rights Act, to pretend that their sloth and ignorance are the fault of whites, only then will blacks come one step closer to having that colorblind society they claim they want.
I thought a colorblind society was something only conservatives longed for. (Or believed they already had?) Most of us are socially adroit enough to negotiate the minefield of a multicultural society without pissing off too many people or becoming paralyzed with fear that we’ll offend someone. People from various cultures certainly can be different — and those differences are always fascinating, sometimes subtle and often hilarious when they’re shared in the spirit of friendship. If your observation can’t be made in that context (or might get you fired from your job), bite your tongue.
Burt’s comments section, in which he makes a few appearances himself, does not suffer from those same social graces. Once everyone agrees that Burt is quite courageous to risk being called a racist for signing his name to an unabashedly racist column, the conversation quickly devolves into complaints about recent media coverage of the NFL (“if I have to listen to someone carry on about how it’s about time that 2 African-American coaches are at the Super Bowl I think I’ll hurl”), recent media coverage of NLF coaches’ families (“Lovie Smith, along with his WHITE WIFE were on t.v. yesterday”), history (“P.S. Cleopatra was Greek..”) and recent media coverage of athletes in a variety of sports:
I have been favorably impressed during some recent post-game interview by how well-spoken the athlete was — in a couple of cases the black athlete made more sense than the white interviewer.
That’s the great thing about wonders: They never cease!
It’s a funny bit (“I wish I could join the Kooo Klux Klan.”), but yeah, I’ve heard more than one racist white person quoting the joke but being serious about it.
There’s never been anything like “poor white trash”?
And Burt ought also to recall Chris Rock’s other comedy riff about the phrase “they speak so well.”
Holy fuck, I didn’t realize this freak was writing on townhall.
And you missed this tit-bit:
I’m at work, man. I can only write about so much!
I love white people, but I hate crackers like that Prelutsky peckerwood.
Neener!
You know, Rock did a bit in Never Scared about how black atheletes were superior because of breeding during slavery.
The guy is a really good comedian, but has some fucked up ideas about race. Or at least some fucked up routines on race.
Of course Prelutsky will likely never be anyplace where his “I hate niggers” statement will be challenged. Maybe we can get him drunk and encourage him to try it on Charles Barkley.
It’s a funny bit (�I wish I could join the Kooo Klux Klan.�), but yeah, I’ve heard more than one racist white person quoting the joke but being serious about it.
Truth. “I’d do a drive-by from here to Brooklyn!”
It is sad that the Prelutskys of the world will completely miss the point of the jokes and use them as cover for some fucked-up views, but still, I maintain that Bring the Pain is a fantastic piece of standup.
Goddammit, I hate it when people call me a racist when I’m busy being a racist.
What the fuck does Cleopatra being Greek have to do with anything?
“What the fuck does Cleopatra being Greek have to do with anything?”
You know, she’s not one of those “Egyptians”.
Yeesh. There was an episode of The Office (U.S. version) where Michael has to undergo racial sensitivity training because he’s in the habit of (badly) performing the Chris Rock routine for his subordinates.
And along comes Prelutsky, demonstrating that wingnut life does indeed imitate art. Envelope-pushing, heigtened-reality comedic art depicting a disbelief-suspending situation that I never thought could ever actually be paralleled in real in real life.
Eh, I think I liked “The New Kid on the Block” better…
In Rock This!, Chris goes straight from the love-black-people bit into why it never has been and never will be okay for white people to say the n-word, no matter what–but every white person remembers the first bit and forgets the second one. I don’t blame him for dropping the whole thing from his routine entirely. It’s the only solution when people insist on being willfully stupid.
(Actually, there were four Cleopatras, one of whom was Ptolemaic–of Greek descent, but not herself Greek. Not that that has anything to do with racist crackers egetting their rocks off having a frank conversation about The Darkies, but Jesus, the ignorance of history that wingers show…)
So, let’s assume that he’s referring to the civil rights act of 1964.
First off, it’s worth noting that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was murdered for speaking out for racial equality four years after the passage of the civil rights act.
Second, let’s assume you were born 20 years after the civil rights act. Even if your parents were quite young when they had you, say, 18, this means they were born in ’66, a time in which, again, the idea that the colour of your skin doesn’t determine the content of your character was so controversial that you could be murdered in public for expressing it.
Basically, if you were born 20 years after the civil rights act your grandparents definitely lived in a time when institutional discrimination was normal. In all likelyhood, your PARENTS lived in that time (I was born in 84, and my dad remembers segregated drinking fountains).
What’s the theory here? That your parents’ social status has literally no effect whatsoever on your status? That say, them having enough money to pay for college doesn’t effect whether you can go? That the fact that they lived in a poor neighboorhood when you were born has no effect on where you grew up?
Jesus, how stupid do you have to be to accept the idea that a single generation should be enough to erase absolutely all vestiges of pervasive racism that was supported both by civilian organisations like the Klan (Which, uh, still exists by the way) and by people at the highest levels of government?
Hey–it’s Burt Prelutsky! who writes doggerel for children! Of which we had a book and read to our children! Look:
“W. Burt Prelutsky is an accomplished, well-rounded writer and author of Conservatives Are from Mars (Liberals Are from San Francisco): 101 Reasons I’m Happy I Left the Left.”
Accomplished AND well-rounded. You can’t beat that!
Hence, of course, the “genial” photo, the beard, the wise-old-man-w/-crinkly-eyes shtik. Jesus, these people.
Fortunately, the “doggerel for children” writer is Jack Prelutsky, not Burt. God, I hope they’re not related.
Books by Burt Prelutsky:
“Conservatives Are from Mars (Liberals Are from San Francisco): 101 Reasons I’m Happy I Left the Left”
Books by Jack Prelutsky (not a complete list):
“What a Day it Was at School!”
“It’s Raining Pigs and Noodles”
“A Pizza the Size of the Sun”
“Something Big Has Been Here”
“Tyrannosaurus Was a Beast”
“The New Kid on the Block”
“The Baby Uggs Are Hatching”
“It’s Halloween”
“The Snop on the Sidewalk”
Jack Prelutsky is like the poor man’s Shel Silverstein. Nowhere near as inventive or creative, and seemingly limited to one or two meters in his poetry. But it seems unfair to slander him by linking him to Burt Prelutsky.
When we see black kids with the top of their baggy pants drooping somewhere south of their butts, annoying people with their ear-splitting boom boxes, saying “they be� when they mean “they are,�
Actually, no, they mean “they be”–they’re just speaking a different dialect of English that diverges from Edited Standard English (which no one actually speaks) in more obvious ways than yours. And last time I was in The Biz, these differences were more closely tied to differences in social class than race.
and we pretend that theirs is a different, but equally fine culture as our own,
And what culture is “our own”? How do we know whose culture is superior if we don’t know which “our culture” you’re talking about?
we’re no better than those enablers who give money to drug addicts or booze to alcoholics.
Now, I’ll spot you the “booze to alcoholics”, but would it be enabling to give money to a drug addict to get him into a treatment program?
Burt: I have been favorably impressed during some recent post-game interview by how well-spoken the athlete was — in a couple of cases the black athlete made more sense than the white interviewer.
“People say Colin Powell speaks so well. What’d they expect him to say? ‘Ahmma drop me a bomb’? – Chris Rock
Meanwhile, President Chimpy can’t get an unbungled word out and he’s white as a Klan sheet and a Harvard man!.
Shorter Burt: “EEK! EEK! KNEEGROWS!”
Actually, no, they mean “they be�–they’re just speaking a different dialect of English that diverges from Edited Standard English (which no one actually speaks) in more obvious ways than yours. And last time I was in The Biz, these differences were more closely tied to differences in social class than race.
Prezactly!
*They* DON’T mean ‘they are.’ They MEAN ‘they be,’ just like *they* said. Is it their fault that his dialect has no comprehension of the durative be?
For clarity:
Burt Prelutsky and friends are jackasses. = Just at this moment, or for a finite period of time, Burt Prelutsky et alia appear to be exhibiting the characteristics of poorly-bred farmyard animals.
Burt Prelutsky and friends be jackasses. = For as long as anyone can remember, now, and for the foreseeable future, Burt Prelutsky et alia have been, are, and shall continue to exhibit the characteristics of poorly-bred farmyard animals.
I hope I’m wrong but, this Burt Prelutsky may have written or co-written some classic episodes of M*A*S*H back in the ’70s.
Wotta revoltin’ development this is.
Remember, kids — color is only skin deep! But as Burt Prelutsky so un-brilliantly reminds us, ugly goes right to the bone! (especially the lump of same between BP’s ears).
Yep, that’s the guy, according to his bio on Townhall itself.
Actually, what most whites are is cowardly. When we see black kids with the top of their baggy pants drooping somewhere south of their butts, annoying people with their ear-splitting boom boxes, saying “they be� when they mean “they are,� and we pretend that theirs is a different, but equally fine culture as our own, we’re no better than those enablers who give money to drug addicts or booze to alcoholics.
=====================
99 of the kids I see with baggy clothes, and rap blaring outta dere booom booxes is being drunk white boys…
Holmes!
“Jesus, how stupid do you have to be to accept the idea that a single generation should be enough to erase absolutely all vestiges of pervasive racism…”
============================
Not sure but I bet the Republican party has a very long list of names of people who can fill those shoes not to mention their coffers.
pittsburghese said,
January 23, 2007 at 8:33
I hope I’m wrong but, this Burt Prelutsky may have written or co-written some classic episodes of M*A*S*H back in the ’70s.
Actually, if I remember correctly, he wrote the entire first season of “Branded”.
Shortest Burt Prelutsky:
“Niggers!”
My dad grew up during Jim Crow in Louisiana, black people weren’t allowed in my Maternal grandmother’s front door. My father said Jim Crow was shameful. My mother used to laugh at her parent’s racism.
I wouldn’t really call the Klan “civilian”. For the vast majority of its existence it was a paramilitary/terrorist organisation, and arguably still is.
Why, when my own grandfather was a boy he once fell 40 feet from a bridge into the Ohio River while he was catching pigeons for a nickel a head. Some men in a rowboat hauled him out of the water and beat him for swimming in the river because, they said, he could get hurt.
And back then, nickels had a bee on ’em! “Gimme twenty bees,” we’d say. In fact, I wore a twenty pound beard of bees for that woman, but she didn’t care.
Wait. Where was I? Oh, yeah. I think a colorblind society would be a pretty cool thing, too. You could call me a conservative if you wanted, but then that screed I did over on my poli blog about conservatives would apply to me, and I’d have to cry.
I didn’t bury a link. I’ve given up blogwhoring for the next five minutes, at least.
Aside from Chris Rock, perhaps, I seriously dispute these guys’ ability to distinguish between regular black people and the ‘nigg@z’ they don’t like. I question their basic definitions. I suspect their pool of ‘likable black people’ consists of Bill Cosby alone.
“He’s so well-spoken! He speaks so well!”
Actually, there were four Cleopatras, one of whom was Ptolemaic–of Greek descent, but not herself Greek.
There were a lot more than four. The Cleopatra of renown, lover of Caesar and Marc Antony, was the seventh Cleopatra of the Ptolemaic (Macedonian, not Greek) dynasty. There were also several Seluecid Cleopatras, a sister of Alexander named Cleopatra and a wife of Phillip II (not the mother of Alexander and the previously mentioned Cleopatra). There were also two Cleopatra Selenes, the daughter and grand-daughter of Cleopatra VII and Marc Antony.
The vast majority of these women were, most likely, blonde haired, light skinned and grey or blue eyed like most Macedonians who were far fairer than the Greeks to their south. Don’t tell Mark Noonan, but these Macedonian succesor dynasties were really into shtupping their siblings so there wasn’t much, if any, non-Macedonian blood in Cleopatra (and her competence would be a fair argument that incest isn’t neccesarilly a bad thing). Her daughter was probably darker since Marcus Antonius, like many Romans, was a fairly dusky guy.
Dan Someone–
Ouch. Thanks. I needed that. Apols. to Jack, etc.
Any definition of the n-word in its original use must include the fact that it is used by white people to derogate black people. (White people = mostly, but not exlusively European Americans and Black people = mostly but not exclusively anyone of Arfrican origin and dark skinned).
Therefore the Shorter Burt Prelutsky: I like Black people, but I hate the Black people who seem to me inferior, which is pretty much all of them. And only when I can make that statement without being mislabled as a racist will we truly have a colorblind society.
That’s not a Chris Rock joke – that was conventional wisdom where I grew up in Maryland. I remember my Granddad (mother’s side, which was really fucked up anyway) telling me and my uncle exactly that line like it was a true relevation when we were about 8. And it was true. There were black people he liked, as much as he liked anyone. Deferential, quiet black people, who didn’t flaunt their differences by, you know, being different.
I thought that name sounded familiar, so imagine my dismay to see this is the guy who used to write for M*A*S*H and the Mary Tyler Moore show. WTF?
Burt really should take early retirement and keep it shut.
Seriously, keep it shut!
I suspect their pool of ‘likable black people’ consists of Bill Cosby alone.
Well, I think it also includes:
Condi
Clarence Thomas
Michael Steele
Lyn Swann
Armstrong Williams
That crazy preacher dude wingers always wheel out to slam Jesse Jackson
And Colin Powell was on the list until he got all uppity.
Somebody should introduce Burt here to RuPaul.
That is, like, so true. There is, like, no way that, like, white people would ever mangle the English language in, like, any way. Y’all are just, like, angry at Burt for pointing out the truth and stuff.
[…] sense that routine makes, they not only sound racist; they generally are racist. (Here’s a Sadly, No! post about one example.) This has nothing to do with the question of who can say what words; it has to […]