Pocketa! Pocketa! Pocketa!

Cur

Noted internet expert Roy at alicublog notes that Ace at Ace of Spades is linking to a link to porn*:

Utility at last.

Man, that’s one big turtle she has on her laptop screen. Must 1200X900 pixels.

I think our relative lack of shock over things like this is actually a good sign for the culture.

Yeah, cause ten years ago there were no girlie magazines with pictures like this. None.

Well, not many anyway.

OK, hundreds, but Ace’s mom wouldn’t let him read them.

(I went to Catholic schools all the way through college, and yet, somehow, I managed to find a dependable penis and a vibrator some 16-odd years ago.)

“Dependable Penis”

Band Name? Or a way of life?

Sounds like a GURPS Supers name…

You say dependable, I say detatchable…

mikey

Thizzle for thosizzle wizzle clizzle on thizzle approprizzle lizzle involvizzle closizzle of a young womizzle vizzle eizzle alonizzle or in thizzle compizzle of a dizzle or somizzle dudizzle pizzle.

This reminds me of the time a few years ago when they said CNN was going to use hip-hop phrases.

So ten years ago there were no cheerleaders having sex, using sex toys and having someone take pictures of it? Huh. I must have been hallucinating all those mags my college roomies had. Sharing a house with 8 guys was, if nothing else, informative. It’s when I figured out porn is boring most of the time. They stopped flipping to the porn channels to freak me out when I started bringing popcorn and commenting on technique…

It’s when I figured out porn is boring most of the time.

You have to keep watching and watching to find the good stuff. Yessirree.

Ten years ago? Virtually impossible to get a young girl to do this. And God knows I tried!

Which may explain his having to register when he moves? Just a thought.

Absolutely shocking. Unprecedented.

Actually, S,N, that’s a vulva.

Or amore.

Still: Ten years ago? Virtually impossible to get a young girl to do this.

I’m gonna get Ace the Marquis de Sade’s Philosophy in the Bedroom for Reyes tomorrow.

Mikey: King Missile in the motherfucking house!

Still: Ten years ago? Virtually impossible to get a young girl to do this.

This really does sum up the republican thought process. X is my experience, therefore X is true.

Anecdotage.

Ugh. What is it with straight guys: that looked like nothing so much as a wad of blanched pastrami.

Pulled pork.

What is it with straight guys

I keep telling people I was born this way and they just laugh at me.

Now might be a good time to recall Ace’s second post ever. Nothing like it had ever happened before and, God willing, never will happen again.

Point is, Ace has a long history of moral outrage, only traditionally it’s been directed at Democratic presidential candidates rather than at smut.

I’ve been out combing the high schools all day. Booger, Revenge of the Nerds. Ace, Ace of Spades.

Dammit, I lost a post. Weird. Anyhow, the gist of it was that back when I started high school, there was a scandal over the senior cheerleaders getting shit-hammered at some back-to-school party and let some fool (I forget who, actually) take pictures of them wearing nothing but a boozy smile. Here’s why it was so funny: the reason they got busted is ‘coz the dumbass took the pictures to Wal-Mart for development. Why didn’t he use a digital camera?

Because this was almost 15 years ago. For what it’s worth, it was a small, conservative, church-filled town of less than 4,000 in Northeast Mississippi. The heartland, bubba.

Still: Ten years ago? Virtually impossible to get a young girl to do this.

You ran around with the wrong girls, son. Ten years ago I was in college, and it should be against the law to have as much fun as I did.

Ten years ago I was in college, and it should be against the law to have as much fun as I did.

Without knowing what you did, I’m still willing to bet that in many jurisdictions it WAS illegal.

Matt. Did you look behind the couch? In the medicine cabinet? The recycling? That’s usually where I lose stuff.

Don’t you guys think that Gavin should add some kind of porn-indicating graphic to Ace’s logo?

Just sayin…

mikey

How likely is it that Ace thinks all songs about dancing are really all about dancing?

I so want to go over there and post my modest but instructive collection of Victorian porno.

Especially the all-male orgy one.

SM,
And you’d win that bet. It was Florida, after all.

mikey,
Nah. I went off on a much longer, not to mention more disjointed story, saying essentially the same thing. It’s all for the best, I imagine.

For what it’s worth, it was a small, conservative, church-filled town of less than 4,000 in Northeast Mississippi. The heartland, bubba.

Ah, but Northeast Mississippi is home to a number of infamous pourne peddlers. Howlin’ Wolf (born in West Point) sang about being a backdoor man. Elvis Presley (Tupelo) shook his hips in such a way it couldn’t be shown on TV. And Lucille Bogan (Amory) was as nasty as she wanted to be on “Shave ‘Em Dry” (lyrics here, scroll down for both the PG version and the NOT SAFE FOR WORK version).

Ace’s take on copying music:

Before the advent of MP3s and Napster, people NEVER violated music copyrights.

His ability to find teh stupid is beyond the pale.

This really does sum up the republican thought process. X is my experience, therefore X is true.

And, furthermore, if I am X then X must be just like me and anyone who is not just like me can not possibly be X.

Morally, intellectually and psychologically stunted.

Ace is mister entertainment!

And the “get a young girl to do this” bit. If you’re a healthy individual you don’t have to somehow “get them” in order to have your fun. It’s possible that your partner might, you know, hand you naked pics of themselves. First time it happened to me was about 15 years ago, so maybe there was some perviness toxin released from some chemical plant somewhere that hit places other than Florida.

From Ace’s comments:
YOWWEEE!
They’re not kiddin’ about the NSFW boys.

Jiminy Fuckin’ Christmas. My junior high school buddies didn’t even react to porn like this.

Those are about as not safe for work as you’re gonna get.

I don’t know about you guys, but after reading Ace awhile, I feel like a goddamn world traveler.

I don’t know about you guys, but after reading Ace awhile, I feel like a goddamn world traveler.

Seen a girl in the buff? Why yes, old chap, it must have been in Marrakesh in 1973 around the corner from the Argentine consulate. Order us each an aperitif and I will explain how I eventually touched this particular bit of crumpet on the thigh.

My junior high school buddies didn’t even react to porn like this.

Okay? I mean, I’ve just seen better. Much better. To wit, the BF/Male appendage has dirty fingernails, and unless she’s Giganta, he ain’t exactly packin’ a lot of tubesteak. And where’s the ATM action? No DP? This is below-grade amateur stuff.

NSFW indeed- wingnuts should be shielded from this filth. I hear a thousand Cleti uh-hyuhing in unison.

Listen, grasshopper.

Those photos were depictions of a GODDESS and nothing less.
If I was in the military today I would silk screen the Photo on my flak jacket.
Any sniper would have too much sweat in his eyes from pounding his pud to get a clean shot at me.
Attack Al Quida with what they fear most…THE CLIT!

teh l4m3,

Agreed. Though I assumed the basement-dwelling “Wild Cards” would be bigger connoisseurs of the subject than you or I.

Let it be said: Never overestimate the knowledge and experience of a right-wing commenter.

Ace of Spades, man of the world.

My favorite naked cheerleader story was the group at a local private high school where I was living who took a bunch of naked photos of themselves, most of them involving lesbian acts, and then emailed them to a nerdy student with the message “look at what you’ll never get.”

Which was a great idea because, of course, no nerd would know how to forward all those photos to all the students, the faculty, the administration and all the girl’s parents.

Purrrrrrrrrrrfect, SM!

My junior high school buddies didn’t even react to porn like this.

dgbellak: I don’t think it is appropriate for you to be showing pornography to junior high school kids. Even if you have them believing you’re a “buddy”.

Just sayin’.

hehehehehehe, I’m teh funny.

You know, underneath our clothes, we’re nekkid. Like, almost all of us – but not Ace.

I would like to have a moment of silence for the passing of a great blog. It was the first blog that I frequented, and, in a coy, “the-world-is-ending” sort of way, my favorite:

Billmon, it was great

From the Wikipedia entry:

On December 28, 2006, Billmon stopped blogging at The Whiskey Bar, and the URL http://www.billmon.org became unavailable.

Isn’t this the same Ace that had the rape-fantasy-blogathon? Isn’t this the same Ace who defends Jeff Goldstein who slaps faces with his genitals?

Fafblog, bilmon, mykeru. When will the horror end? We’re taking serious casualties here, and they’re what, some hybrid of the Energizer bunny and the NVA? Jeez. I look around, not just at us but at the whole world, and I wonder – are we an endangered species?

mikey

I think maybe ACE should incorperate the “Stone of Destiny” into his logo.

Also, I call BS!!!11!!!! Meghan, provide link !!1 Please.

Yeah, what happened to Billmon? I’ve been looking around since before 12/28, and nothing. No comments anywhere on it either.

He was a fave.

And Ace has no dick.

I can offer no proof, it was 8-10 years ago and I wasn’t on the web at the time. I knew faculty at the school and saw ink-jet prints of the pictures.

This fine tribute to Billmon provides some insight into why he gave up blogging. Though cached posts are still available, I wish he’d kept up his archives.

I’ve eulogized Whiskey Bar on my awsomely amature site, and if there is a Right-Wing Fluffy award, I think I deserve the nomination.

I’ve seen hardcore porn from the 1920s. Ace is a retard.

Damn. I was hoping the whiskey bar was just closed for a bit of needed R & R. Slainte, Billmon.

10 years ago I was in college as well, and girls were doing that kind of stuff n a whole lot more. Only I went to a good school, and the girls mostly had self respect, so the only ones I saw porn shots of were the ones working in porn to pay their tuition.

ADB, I respect a fair amount of what you say here, but I’m perplexed by your frequent appeals to class snobbery. Do you really believe that “good school” equals “self respect”? You seem to think that a lower socioeconomic status (or at least a second-tier collegiate experience) indicates a proclivity for doing the nasty on camera. Maybe I’m misinterpreting what you say (it’s been a long week and I’m tired) but if I’m not, your views are kinda fucked up and, y’know, Republican . . .

Gewhu? By good I mean well regarded, as in the girls had the brains to realize there was more to them than their breasts, so they didn’t do things they’d regret later. Why you think I’m linking going to a lesser school with “a proclivity for doing the nasty on camera” is beyond me. Like I also said, there were people who worked in porn there, with me. I think it’s more likely for stuff like what ace linked to to come from a state school than an ivy, but that’s a far damn cry from saying I’m linking class and the degree of discretion one takes in getting busy. The biggest sluts I’ve known were all in boarding school, and, please note, to me slut is not a gender specific term.

It’s always amusing to watch men define women’s self-respect. Ugh ugh and double ugh. Shut up ya patronizing assholes.

Patronizing is assuming having a penis disqualifies someone from having any idea about any of them wimmins issues type things. And besides, self-respect is not a gendered concept.

When someone uses the term “self respect” there is invariably a judgment about others following. It’s usually bullshit. Best to avoid the term entirely.

Did everybody just go crazy?

How about a nice vid.

Well, that’s a fair point. And I am judging the girl ace linked to as either foolish or dumb, based solely on the fact she did a bunch of nude poses n hardcore shots that ended up online. She could be a porn pro and these are home outtakes, or might be an exhibitionist. The fact I want a girl who keeps her shirt on in public doesn’t mean girls who don’t do so are bad people.
and this is rapidly turning into a more you know nbc public service promo.

Double standard brad, there are zillions of you.

Porns up his dates in his mind and resents them for it.

Madonna-whore? Oy, please. Like I said, being a slut isn’t a gender specific thing to me. Biggest slut I know is a guy. And porn has never fooled me. It ain’t real. It’s useful when I feel like wanking, but it’s not sex like I have it or want it, which isn’t to say I have shitty sex. It doesn’t bother me that someone I’m with has been with other guys. Why would it?

I went over there and had a little look-see for myself. That’s not porn. That’s art!

Backpeddling from this now, Brad?
By good I mean well regarded, as in the girls had the brains to realize there was more to them than their breasts, so they didn’t do things they’d regret later.

girls…brains…more-than breasts…regret. There’s nowhere to go but up.

Backpedaling from a george michael vid from when i was 10? Naw. I’m defending that ground to the death.
You’re reading demands of chastity from girls into that sentence, Lesley. I was talking about taking pics of getting busy, not about getting busy.

Either porn or art, it must be Constitutionally protected. After all, censorship is becoming America’s favorite past-time. The US gov’t (and their corporate friends), already detain protestors, ban books like “America Deceived” America Deceived (book) from Amazon and Wikipedia, and fire 21-year tenured, BYU physics professor Steven Jones because he proved explosives, thermite in particular, took down the WTC buildings. Looks like porn to me, excellent.

Off topic, well…maybe not entirely:
For anyone who is interested, The Secret Life of Brian, a documentary about the making of the Python film and the pressure by religious fanatics to shut it down, is well worth seeing. It aired on Britain’s Channel 4 but someone’s posted it in two parts (so far still incomplete) on Youtube. Full feature also downloadable on UKNova (membership is free).

Documentary examining how Monty Python’s seminal 1979 comedy Life of Brian caused such a global furore amongst religious groups, who saw the film as blasphemous. Featuring exclusive interviews with John Cleese, Michael Palin, Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam, the Pythons reflect on the concept and making of the film and discuss the obstacles overcame. Given the uproar it created over 25 years ago, the programme also asks whether the film could have been made in today’s political climate.

Most comical are the critics – especially a fanatical Christian named Mary Whitehouse who could have been the prototype of Mrs. Conclusion. There’s wonderful footage of a live debate between two Pythons and the Catholic clergy (who play themselves as only the Pythons could play them). And the Not the Nine O’Clock News did a brilliant sketch parodying the live debate – this is also available on YT.

“I’m a University of Louisville cheerleader.” And then we have a Texas cheerleader. But aren’t these good ole fashioned Red State folk, with good old fashioned Southin’ values? I’m confused. It’s almost as if there is some sick form of hypocrisy that dominates conservative culture?

Heh. Life of Brian is one of the greatest movies ever made. That people were/are protesting only further proves it’s point of what happens when you let your religion dictate your everything. It’s not anti-God, it’s anti-Religious nuts.

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

Mary Whitehouse:Last Thursday, evening we sat as a Family, and we saw a program that started at 6:35, and it was the dirtiest program that I have seen for a very long time.” *Camera cuts away* “And Lord, did I enjoy it. You should have seen it, I just couldn’t get enough of the bloodshed and the booty shaking. Oh, yes, you best be believing I was sweating by the end.”

Is she the woman that british comedian based her outlandish talk show host charactor on? I can’t remember her name at all.

Check out this clip of Harry Enfield playing Norman Ormal, Tory MP (is that a perfect character name or what?). He also plays “Edwina Craggy” a Norman Ormal fan. “You could feel the juices running in the conference hall whenever Norman got up to speak. It was as if he’d thrown us all, ever so ruggedly, onto a big brass bed.”

My favorite bit:

“But Why Blame MTV and Sex & the City? What About the Internet? I don’t think the ubiquity of porn has much of an impact, because in order to sell this behavior, you have to sell it as cool, chic, hip, an attractive “lifestyle choice.”

Nah, you need to accompany it with fabulous digs like on The Real World or a fabulous job like Carrie Bradshaw has.”

*coughPLAYBOY!coughcough*.

Okay, seriously, Playboy has been doing this “Porn as signifier of a chic lifestyle” thing for more then half a century.

I hereby decree that nobody shall be allowed to write about the history of porn unless they are aware of three basic facts:

1. Playboy exists.
2. Playboy has been around for more then 40 years.
3. The existence of the cliche, “I only read it for the articles” and the basic meaning of said cliche.

Seriously, writing about the history of porn without knowing these things is like writing about astronomy without knowing the earth revolves around the sun.

Harry Enfield again as Tory Boy (with acne).

Apparently, only women who come from families rich enough to be able to afford to go to expensive private schools without doing some sort of sex work to pay the bills have either brains or self-respect. Nice.

Of course, as someone who came within about two days of becoming a stripper to pay for college, and yet still managed to graduate from a top university with over a 3.9 GPA, I can’t imagine why comments like that might rub me the wrong way.

But that’s really all neither here nor there. The really important thing to realize is that Ace has never seen a Venus of Willendorf. Because, you know, back in the old days, women didn’t do that kind of thing. And by “old days”, I mean about twenty five thousand years ago.

By the same token, he’d probably be shocked to encounter the Cerne Abbas Giant.

The only reason ancient people didn’t take pictures of themselves doing the nasty is that the technology to do so wouldn’t come along for another few thousand years.

Heh. India has its own Reverend Donald Wildmon. Check it out.

But who has carried greater blame
in a passion gone astray:
she who sins for need of payment,
or he who pays for his enjoyment?

And ironically enough, perhaps the only thing of significance the Marquis de Sade ever said…..

O Therese, the callousness of the Rich legitimates the bad conduct of the Poor; let them open their purse to our needs, let humaneness reign in their hearts and virtues will take root in ours; but as long as our misfortune, our patient endurance of it, our good faith, our abjection only serves to double the weight of our chains, our crimes will be their doing, and we will be fools indeed to abstain from them when they can lessen the yoke wherewith their cruelty bears us down.

This advice, IIRC, being offered to a young girl, cast out by cruel fate and – as is usual in a de Sade novel – debauched by a series of corrupt priests, thus being encouraged to use her sexual charms to rip off as many men as she possibly can.

plus ça change, non?

(Just FYI, that link leads you to an online copy of Justine, and is therfore probably not really work-safe).

You can almost hear that Willendorf State cheerleader humming the Oolitic equivalent to “My Humps.”

BTW, Pompeii has some sweet graffiti porn— but I guess Pat Robertson would say that’s why it got buried under ash.

All the girls in Willendorf are easy.

Virtually impossible to get a young girl to do this.

Yeah, gotta love the use of “get” there.

That poem up there is right. You have no right to cluck about how terrible porn is as you seek it out. Don’t rant about the supply when you’re making the demand.

Who here is shocked that Ace-boy could never manage to see someone else’s private bits for free?

Slightly OT — but I don’t think I’ve mentioned my plan to start a tow-truck company, with the gimmick that all the drivers will be young topless ladies. I’ll call it The Topless Towers of Ilium.
If anyone doesn’t pay their bills, they will be shamed and blamed by publishing their photograph in all the newspapers, along with the words “Was this the face that burnt the Topless Towers of Ilium?”

Y’know, if yer gonna call me an elitist and get yer panties in a bunch about me, at least do it over something I actually said. Chreebus. Old poor people have no sense of humor.

Lesley, I’m not sure whether this comment refers to me

It’s always amusing to watch men define women’s self-respect. Ugh ugh and double ugh. Shut up ya patronizing assholes.

but I figured it might since you posted it right after my exchange with a different brad. Anyway, on the chance that I’m one of the assholes you refer to, just a couple of things: First, my comment had nothing to do with gender — I was specifically questioning ADB’s apparent assumption that people who go to top-tier schools have self-respect and don’t have pornographic photos taken. Second, you’re assuming I’m a man, which is kind of interesting.

Smiling mortician, my comments were directed at a different brad.

OK. The plural confused me. Carry on.

eergh…ah well, some people have more than one asshole!?

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