Sounds Like a Strategy Toward Freedom
It seems that Bush is comptemplating adding a new tenet to the Freedom Agenda: overthrowing the elected government that he helped install. Crooks & Liars has the details (my emphasis):
Matthews: David, do you believe the President is looking for an out from his doctrinaire policy of staying the course?
Brooks: Not really, no I don’t. I think they’re looking at policy options. One of those options is trying to replace the current government which seems to be doing nothing. The second option is some sort of federation which–Joe Biden has suggested as separating Iraq. A third option and by far the least likely is going in with more troops, So there’s all different three options… We have much less control over Iraq than we did two or three years ago…
Y’know, this is just retarded. There are only three groups of people who could conceivably run a government in modern day Iraq, and none of them include the worthless pro-Western technocrats that Bush will inevitably appoint. These groups are:
1.) Sleazy black marketers: unlike the bums running the current Iraqi government, these guys actually know how to deliver goods and services to the people. Sure, putting them in charge of public works would likely result in large-scale corruption and a huge inflation of government expenses, but at least shit would get done. And really, I doubt they could do anything as bad as spending $75 million to build a police academy that rains poo and pee all over its cadets.
2.) Crazed religious fundamentalists: the current Iraqi government has a wee problem in that nobody wants to die for them. And why should they? You’re talking about a government that is completely detached from everyday life in Iraq that has virtually no legtimacy among the general population. Would you risk getting suicide-bombed for a pack of losers like that? Haaaaaaail no.
The crazed religious fanatics don’t have that problem. In fact, they’ve got a loyal army of men who are all too happy to sacrifice themselves for the greater good. Let’s face it: nobody wants to give their life for a bureaucratic American puppet, but everyone wants to die for Allah and get some damn virgins. Put the fundies in charge of national security, and you’ll see a dramatic turnaround in the country’s stability.
3.) Steve McQueen: With the fundies and grifters running the government, America will still need to appoint someone to look out for our interests in the region. But this time, we should avoid hiring a sissy-assed wimp like Paul Bremer for the job. Instead, we’re gonna need a rough-and-tumble bad-ass whom even the Iraqis would have to respect. Unfortunately, the one man who could possibly do such a hard job has been dead for over 20 years. Yes, I’m talking about Steve McQueen.
This will not be easy to overcome. Appointing Steve McQueen is the linchpin of the Brad Doctrine of Shit That Needs Fixed in Iraq. Without him, the entire project will fall apart. So if anyone can think of any living American who can fill Steve’s shoes, please let me know. C’mon, people. Your country needs you.
UPDATE: In the comments, reader Michael writes:
[S]ince Steve McQueen is dead, I nominate Duane “Dog the Bounty Hunter� Chapman to head up the Iraq reconstruction. He already has the support of the wingnut grassroots and Tom Tancredo thinks he’s just dreamy.
Ding! We so, so, so have a winner. I hereby nominate Duane “Dog” Chapman as our new ambassador to Iraq.
How about Gary Ruppert? Fiercely loyal to the Bush Administration and at least as smart as the people currently running things, The Fact Is he couldn’t do worse.
If Bush can appoint Kerik to Homeland Security, he can damn well appoint Steve McQueen to Iraq.
Hmm..needs fixed..Western PA, Eastern OH, northern WV..
The fact is that Iraq has made incredible advances in a short period of time. That is not reported by the media. The media is not on America’s side in this war.
When it comes to Iraq, the mature rational Republican base will help to re-elect Republicans all over the nation so we can finish the job in Iraq.
Hate-motivated childish Dems will fail once again.
In fact, Republicans will also keep the majority in the future, as they actually form families. While the Democrats will wither away due to their anti-life and anti-family views.
The Republicans are a party of ideas and hope. Democrats are a party of hate and fear. The Republican mission is not finished, not as long as we’re ignoring our energy capabilities in Alaska and not as long as Social Security flounders on.
The GOP is the party of the future, the Democrat Party is going to end up in the dustbin of history.
What’s with Gary and “dustbin of history?” It isn’t a particularly esoteric phrase. Who’s he trying to fool?
I think McQueen is a great choice. They can’t kill him cause he’s
already dead! Nobody will ever know where he’s at because he
can be everywhere and nowhere all at once. Play his movies 24/7(probably need some generators for that)…when they get a dose of
“the mares leg” they’ll knock that shit off.
Any idea what these incredible advances are Gary?
Gary in 2004: We must elect republicans to finish the job in Iraq
Gary in 2006: We must elect republicans to finish the job in Iraq
Gary in 2008: We must elect republicans to finish the job in Iraq
Gary in 2010: We must elect republicans to finish the job in Iraq
Gary in 2012: We must elect republicans to finish the job in Iraq
…
Apparently republican families are some sort of cloning process to produce future wingnuts, where democrats are all alcoholics and drug abusers on their 400th abortion (and that’s the men).
I love that hopeful feeling I get each time the terror alert jumps up because a democrat was making headlines, another wave of violence engulfs Iraq or North Korea detonates a nuke. And yeah, drilling in Anwar will save America somehow.
Spoken like a true stalinist. Keep it up Comrade Wingnut.
The great thing about the Steve McQueen plan is that he’s already a zombie: a zombie.
We could re-install Saddam (kind of like re-installing 2000, when you figure out that XP is crap no matter how many service paks they put out).
Personally, I’m planning to end up on the Buggy-Whip of Science, or maybe the Spinning-Wheel of Mathematics. And once again, Gary demonstrates the infalliable wingnut reflexive: accuse your opponents of whatever you’re plotting. (Hate and Fear!)
When the Repugs start accusing Democrats of bombing Iran and dropping a nuke on North Korea, that’s when we’d better start worrying.
If they re-installed Saddam, they could get their war on Iran, too, minus the American troops!
4) Well, Saddam, we’ve left the place in quite a mess . . . but we gotta go. Let me just say that I hope you’ve learned your lesson! Bye.
Why does anyone bother to respond to this spambot? Seriously; the shit it posts are boilerplate RNC talking points.
If it were my blog, I’d block its IP, since it’s clearly a Netvocates-style paid person who is pasting phrases in regularly. I’m not sure who’s paying for it, but I don’t know what they think they’re getting for their money…
puginov –
Exactly!
Clint?
Sean Penn?
Chris Rock?
I meant “The Rock”
ECHO!!! Echo…….echo……….
OK. Umm..bye.
Silly Brad.
Doing whatever idiotic shit in Iraq the Decider feels like doing today is staying the course.
I predicted this was coming a week and half ago at the Detroit News. And that was a couple of days before Warner mentioned “all options were on the table.”
Hmm..needs fixed..Western PA, Eastern OH, northern WV..
Ding! Ohio. I thought it was a midwestern thing in general, I didn’t realize it was specific to that region…
The Republicans are a party of ideas and hope.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
whew.
What was I laughing at again? Oh yeah:
The Republicans are a party of ideas and hope.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Only one other possibility:
Chuck Norris
In the interest of bipartisanship and a reach-around…I mean, reaching out across the aisle…since Steve McQueen is dead, I nominate Duane “Dog the Bounty Hunter” Chapman to head up the Iraq reconstruction. He already has the support of the wingnut grassroots and Tom Tancredo thinks he’s just dreamy.
If Dog can’t be extradited from his current Mexican standoff, then I nominate Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris stops civil wars just by looking at the foot he’s about to kick you with, then raising his eyebrow at you suggestively.
TC – Damn…you’re quick.
Mr. T.
Jesse “The Body” Ventura.
Yay!
It’s just not Sadly, No! enough without a stuck tag somewhere.
I nominate the Ultimate Warrior to be the new Saddam. He’s a sort of Ultimate Wingnutt as far as I’m concerned.
The Undertaker.
I third the Chuck Norris plan. You do realize that he can quell an uprising by simply thinking “booya,” right? On the other hand, there would be a kind of poetic justice in sending Ahhnold to put things aright.
Oh yeah, well where has Chuck Norris been all this time? We cannot trust Chuck to fix the Middle East with his powerful kicks and tufted jowls unless he shows the American he has a plan.
…shows the American people…
Pay no mind.
Dog’s going to a Mexican prison. 🙂
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/64585/the_trial_of_duane_dog_chapman_the.html
annie- dammit. That just means we’ll have to bust him out. We’ll send Gary to do it once he gets deported back to Mexico after the GOP gets torched this November.
Ok.
I think this says it better.
Also, I declare Ruppertpalooza. Here are the first two acts.
Gary transforms the Jews.
Gary gets dumped.
What about Joe Lieberman? Give them Iraqis a taste of Joementum.
“Dog’s going to a Mexican prison.”
Since when is criminality a disqualifier for anyone appointed by this Administration?
Actually, I think it would be a plus for him- like the President, he wouldn’t let a little thing like laws stand in the way.
You know, the thing I like about Dog, from the few episodes of the show that I’ve seen, is his unfailing humanity towards those he captures. Seriously. He treats them with respect, understanding, and humility. A real compassionate conservative, if you will.
THAT should disqualify him from being the next Viceroy of Iraq. I don’t think he holds any truck with the “kill ’em all, let God sort ’em out” thinking. But I’ve only seen 2 or 3 episodes from the first season, and have since quit watching TV altogether, with the exception of a few HBO series at a friend’s house.
I retract my Gary nomination- he’s got the ideological chops and is clearly stupid enough to get the job. I don’t think he’s got the manly power necessary, seeing as he’s really just a computer program.
Chris Rock? Too liberal. The Rock? Too smart.
How about… (my name is kiiiiiiiiiid…..) KID ROCK!!
Now we’re talkin’…!
“annie- dammit. That just means we’ll have to bust him out.”
I’m glad to see you agree with Shoelimpy’s article, but by breaking Dog out, you become no better than Dog himself. Let him rot. 🙂 He creeps me out.
As a Californian, I second sending Aaahnold.
Just watch his campaign ads: he singlehandedly saved California. We didn’t even have electricity when he came into office. He cut government waste. Oh and he’s tough on crime, despite the fact that it’s gone up lately.
He’s perfect for the job.
Oh, OK, I’ll admit it. I just want him out of my state.
That was to Brad, my bad.
Hey dAVE, don’t bud in front of me!
sorry!
It’s ok.
Actually, dAVE, budding is probably OK as long as you don’t bloom.
*groan*
Foiled again, BradR.
Dog, Leland and Tim were all released on bail on Friday, September 15th, 2006, as the judge concluded they are not flight risks. While out on bail, they will be required to remain in the state and wear electronic monitoring devices until they return to court for extradition hearings to face trial in Mexico. No date has been set for those hearings.
Shorter Gary Rupe-loops: “The fact is, DUH!”
Okay here’s the pitch: Chuck Norris, Joe don Baker and Samuel Jackson go to break Dog out – no possible way to finish the job without Dog, you know – in the ensuing high speed land, sea and air chase Joe Don gets wasted – “you guys go on! Get The Damn Job Done! as his fingers slip and he falls from the plane into the firestorm below…
Maybe on the way they can meet up with Van Damme, or maybe Pam Grier –
But Ahnold is RIGHT OUT. No namby-pamby politicians can talk their way out of this one!
I see a Presidential pardon in Dog’s future. Maybe even a congressional Medal of Honor! Or Medal of Freedom… or something… whatever the hell they gave Brownie when he jumped ship.
ack. I missed a close quote there, but at least I didn’t foul the tags…
*Hands a ball to Gary*
Here’s a ball. You can bounce it.
As an aside, can someone tell me what the word “technocrat” means, when used at SN? I know the historical meaning of the term*, and I have a fair idea of what it means elsewhere, but it’s clear from context that it’s being used to mean something else here. Can someone clear it up for me?
* In its original use, the term meant “one who believes in government by giant robots.”
“The Republican mission is not finished, not as long as we’re ignoring our energy capabilities in Alaska and not as long as Social Security flounders on…”
Shorter Ruppert: “The Repubs are not giving up while they think there may be a single resource unplundered or a widow’s mite unstolen among our joint national resources.”
Gary’s not pretty, but at least he’s honest. Probably doesn’t mean to let this core Repub tenet slip out, but then, if he had the brains to be a successful criminal he wouldn’t have to take Wingnut Welfare at the blog-troll level, either.
Obvious choice to run things… Uncle Duke (of Doonesbury).
I’m thinking Cthulu, he will sort out those Iraqis.
Funny thing happened, down here in the third world we rarely see the great, noble, wise and godly leader of the free world G Bush.
So consequently I was thinking that the mocking of his pronounciation of nuclear was just overdone.
But then, I an rare moment when I was watching television there ‘he was. In the virtual flesh discussing his war of erra and the NKs with their nucelar weapons”, and man was that funny. If I was a billionaire, I would hire him just to make that speech, it was so funny.
Somebody find the man a voice coach.
I think this says it better.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
You know, the thing I like about Dog, from the few episodes of the show that I’ve seen, is his unfailing humanity towards those he captures. Seriously. He treats them with respect, understanding, and humility. A real compassionate conservative, if you will.
I second that. My mom, of all people, got me watching Dog’s show and he really does capture people because he wants to help them and their families, not because he thinks criminals are a lower species who can only be dealt with by force. Dog doesn’t even carry a gun.
According to Wikipedia, Duane’s skilled might be more useful elsewhere:
Chapman has said that, if given permission from the United States government, he would attempt to collect a bounty on Osama bin Laden.
That he hasn’t been wisked away on a midnight flight to Kabul is yet another sign of this Administration’s fundamental unseriousness in the War on Muhammed.
LOL, Dog is a lowlife racist scumbag. 🙂 And you like him. 🙂 HA!
WOO-HOO!
Do I win anything?
Urrg…brains.
“LOL, Dog is a lowlife racist scumbag. And you like him. HA!”
Well, to be fair dearest anal annie we love you and you’re a complete joke.
You don’t love me.
> LOL, Dog is a lowlife racist scumbag. And you like him. HA!
Any man who causes lowlife racist scumbag Tom Tancredo to sport wood is good in the eyes of The Left™.
Yes. And Steve McQueen is the answer. We couldn’t be more serious.
Aw damn, and I was going to nominate Chow Yun-Fat.
Chow Yun-Fat.
Primary superpower: devastating constipation.
If Bruce Lee was mentioned already I apologize, but come on. He kicked Kareem’s AND Chuck’s ass. ‘Nuf said.
And you mispelled “strategery”.
And I misspelled “misspelled”. Scotch is your friend.
I think “technocrat” used to be used for undemocratic authoritarian yet competent leaders, like the guy who ran Singapore. But in the 1988 campaign guys like were Dukakis were called technocrats, so now I think it just means a wonky politician.
Why has no one yet suggested sending Mr. T?
Jillian DID!
No, Jillian did not mention Mr. T. I have no recollection of Jillian mentioning Mr. T. Well, I hadn’t heard that Jillian had mentioned Mr. T until Marq brought it to my attention. Come to think of it, one of my aides knew that Jillian had mentioned him but didn’t tell me, so I just fired him. Uh, wait, I read about Jillian proposing Mr. T several days ago, but I’m a paste addict who just checked into paste rehab a couple of minutes ago, so it was the paste talking, not me. Plus, I was tickled with a feather-duster by a Druid high-priest when I was a lad, which has scarred me for life. Damn you liberals!
Wesley Snipes — maybe he can work off his IRS debt by being the amabassador to Iraq.
Actually, the new Bush strategy appears to be to deny that he ever had a strategy of “stay the course”. Bush said today to Stephanopoulos “‘We’ve never been stay the course, George!”
Come on folks, think about it! You need someone who is not merely tough, but someone with no emotions for those he must crush, a man who understands both overt diplomacy and covert dirty tricks. Someone with managerial experience running large operations and can put together an effective enemy list.
Tell me this isnt a perfect job for the former President of The United States, Richard M. Nixon!
Decomposed, rested and ready!