Magnets. How do They Work?

Isn’t it interesting that the only time we’re willing to give Africans full credit for their self-actualization is when we tsk tsk them about their backwards morality compared to our recently enlightened asses? As if finishing the race after the kid we tripped and then shanked is some sort of incredibly accomplishment made possible only through our inherent superiority.

Charles Ajunwa interviewing Chibuihem Amalaha, This Day Live:
Science of Gay Marriage

Ah Africa, the poor dog strapped to the roof of our proverbial Western World SUV. Whether it’s colonization, enslavement, exploitation, destruction of cultures, medical experimentation, or being used as ground zero for all sorts of insane economic or religious experiments based on what the most fucked-up areality wingnuts can brew up, it can seem like the continent can’t ever seem to catch a full break and self-actualization will always be cut short by racists desperate to “prove the inferiority” of its people by sabotaging any attempts to grow and approach the 21st century while mocking how “genetically” backwards they are.

Which is all well and good, but in our defense, they are very black. And clearly such noble savages from the Dark Continent couldn’t possibly manage to say, founded civilizations, invent brain surgery robots, produce great explorers, great artists, amazing modern musicians, or great mathematicians without the gentle benign racism of white people “helping” them out.

I mean, after all, there’s an old super white proverb that goes:

Give a man a fish and he’ll become a hippie communist freeloader. Teach a man to fish and he’ll steal a job from a white person. But give a man a bible and trample him under its brutal oppression and he’ll die and go to a better place.

Which brings us to Nigeria, home of a million jokes about rich desperate princes and also 170 million people. Without the influence of corrective white influence, pre-modern Nigeria proved to be a collection of disparate groups each with their unique civilizations, such as the Nok, the Fulani Kingdom, the Ife, Oyo, the Kingdom of the Nri, and the Kingdom of Benin, just utterly failing to live up to the Empire potentials of their close neighbors and profiting of West African/North African trade, I mean lacking civilization as was the African default before enlightened white people brought “salvation”.

And by salvation, I mean, the slave trade. Lagos was a major port of call for the infamous Atlantic Triangular Slave Trade, which decimated the region as it encouraged rival tribes to deplete each other by selling each other to the slavers before losing themselves to European double-dealers. But hey, that ended… in 1936, after the country was used as one of the exotic “locales” for British upper class fuckheads to exploit for “adventure” for over a century with an endless cavalcade of bloody genocidal wars and brutal political oppression. But hey, they’ve been running themselves now… well, only since 1960 and since then there have been a series of military juntas, the last one ending in 1997. Oh and they’ve had about one single round of not-visibly corrupt elections after the obviously fixed one of 2007. Corruption that is largely owing to the high Western demand for oil deposits in the region…

Oh and as if that wasn’t enough, pretty much every Evangelical and Christian missionary religion on the planet has declared open season on the Nigerian populace since the early 20th century, with about 40-50% of the population following a bastardization of Evangelical bullshit. And being home to all the “test” missions that all the Western world’s crazies want to try out with a “good target population” they can feel all smugly superior about has just been great for Nigeria culturally and medically. What with them currently having the second largest number of people living with HIV and LGBT rights that could be described charitably as oh my fucking Bob levels.

But really without that wonderful condescending “improvement” from kindly exploitative missionary fucks, the poor Nigerian people might have been unable to come to such important scientific discoveries as today’s exemple du wingnut and instead might have wasted their time being commie pinko rabble rousers. We can only thank all-mighty white Jesus for small favors.

Verbatim Tagline (or the last port before Jungle):

  • A University of Lagos post graduate student, Chibuihem Amalaha, from Imo State has used science to prove that gay marriage is improper among other breakthroughs, writes Charles Ajunwa

Clearly Nobel Peace Prize winner and prominent environmental biologist, Wangari Maathai, would be proud of the great scientific breakthroughs possible when one is “carefully” taught with only the finest of white man burdens.

His persistence during our conversations on the phone that I should give him an opportunity to explain some of his scientific breakthroughs made me to agree to meet him at his residence at No.38 Godwin Way, Ireakari Estate, Isolo, Lagos. With a disarming smile on his face, he introduced himself as Chibuihem Stanley Amalaha, a student of University of Lagos studying Chemical Engineering at the School of Post Graduate Studies. He talked about his researches and scientific breakthroughs with the confidence of an achiever. First, he let the reporter into his background.

Oh puff pieces. Always terribly introduced, no matter where you are in the world. C’mon journalists, you’re going for an interview, not a date.

“I was the first to publish report about the 2006 total solar eclipse in the newspaper in Nigeria when I was writing for the defunct New Age newspaper.

Sorcery!

I also reported the true situation about the 2010 acid rain in Nigeria. I carried out analysis and found out that there was nothing like cancer of the skin attributed to the acid rain and by 2011, I emerged the best science reporter in Nigeria where I won Nigeria Media Merit Award in the energy category as a science editor with Compass newspapers.”

You know those various “think tank” academics, the idiots with a few academic fancy titles to their name who can be trusted to regurgitate the usual oil shill bottom-line bullshit or newest faux-scientific religious batshittery? Yeah, that’s an international franchise and just as maddeningly cookie-cutter everywhere it crops up. Also, Sadly, No!

He continued: “Ever since then I have been doing a lot of researches in the country. There are many discoveries and inventions I have made in science and technology.

A note from a scientist tired of various bullshit shills pretending to be a scienamatist in order to make their self-serving bullshit seem academic. If someone starts taking about their research and doesn’t immediately babbling on about some obscure microfocus in an animated tone, then they are not a fucking scientist. Scientists are genetically incapable of talking about their research without starting to reveal the half-crazed down-the-rabbit-hole mentality that enables one to spend months on end hunched over microscopes and pipetting arrays without going on a homicidal rampage… And you have no idea how hard it is not to start talking about mitochondrial free radical effects on telomere length in-

(Nerd Alert Silencing Protocol Enabled, returning after rant in 3…2…1…)

And that actually reduces potential maximum life spans by a FULL HALF at least and… ah, sorry about that. I seem to have gone to my geek place for a while there.

I have also been able to prove that the mathematical symbol pi which people thought of as 22 over 7 is not actually 22 over , but rather a transcendental number while 22 over 7 is a rational number.

Holy shit, this was YOU?!? Fuck, I should have been able to tell what with your monocle and the fact that you are a late 19th century German mathematician.

I also proved that watching television in the dark impacts negatively on one’s eyes and by God’s grace, I was the first person to use scientific instruments to prove it in the whole world. The Nigerian Television Authority (NTA) featured me on this in one of their programmes on January 12, 2013, where I demonstrated to millions of their viewers that watching television in the dark damages the eyes. Usually when it’s around 10pm, many families in Nigeria will switch off their surrounding lights to use the light from television or the light from computer alone thinking that they will see images brighter. But from experiments I found that it’s not true and experts both at the University of Lagos and elsewhere have found my work to be true. The reason for this is because there is a lot of difference in illuminants (brightness) between the television screen and the dark background in the room known as the periphery,” Amalaha said.

You know that running joke in the Star Trek movies of Chekov explaining how some great scientific or mathematic discovery was actually done by Soviet scientists and then Kirk or Spock would roll their eyes and humor him?

I think this might be the Dunning-Kruger version of that.

The Wrong Act of Gay Marriage

Ha, silly queers, it’s not a gay “right”. It’s a gay wrong. Boom, time to quit my day job and go into terrible late night stand-up.

Then, he zeroed in on his research about gay marriage.

Ooh, did it also involve “scientific instruments”? I just love fake “research” pretending to be genuine academic scholarship. Wait, not love, what’s the word again? Oh right, loathe. I’m absolutely in loathe with it and want it to have all of my hate babies.

He said: “In recent time I found that gay marriage,which is homosexuality and lesbianism, is eating deep into the fabric of our human nature all over the world and this was why nations of Sodom and Gomora were destroyed by God because they were into gay practice. That is, a man marrying another man and a woman marrying another woman.

And lo, God looked down and saw a man in a suit, next to another man in the suit as they chastely kissed in front of the Justice of the Peace and though His Hallowed Breeches grew tight and breathing labored, He did thus spoke, Ew. And so the ground was split asunder and man and woman and child cast from his grace into the eternal burning Standard Abuse Tactic Casual Threat and Mankind did accept her chastisement and never again stumble onto His Holy Bookmarks or question about the All Sainted Credit Card Charges to HotMaleStuds.com. Amen.

“A recent publication on May 3, 2013 shows that France is the 14th country in the world that have legalised gay. I asked myself why should a man be marrying a man and a woman marrying a woman, does it mean that there is no more female for a man to marry or there is no more male for a woman to marry? And recently, Britain told Nigeria to legalise gay marriage of forfeit international aid. I thank God for our lawmakers who refused to sign the bill legalising gay marriage. And so God gave me the wisdom to use science as a scientist to prove gay marriage wrong.

Because apparently God had nothing better to do than that. Nope, nothing about say, the HIV crisis in the country, or the continued sectarian violence, or the various civil wars. Nope, all His time teaching an oil shill hack to use science to double plus science test tube Jesus.

… Yanno, wingnut evangelicals, your God is kind of a micromanaging dick. I think I’m going to just stick with the cult of Elaine Belloc instead, if it’s all right by you. And may Mona protect the hedgehogs always, Amen!

“In the area of physics, I used physics with experiments, I used chemistry with experiments, I used biology with experiments and I used mathematics to prove gay marriage wrong.

Whoa! Experiments?!? Shit. I mean, usually, I might suspect that this was about to lead into some tired rehashing of ignorant shit that every penny-ante religious nutjob tries to trot out when they think they’ve “got” those tricksy scienamatists of the Global Homosexual Jihad, but fuck, this is time-traveling German Scientist Guy. And he like used multiple scientists like with experiments and shit, fuck, he probably pulled some nth dimensional test tube shit that will like blow our brains like whoa, dude. Oh yeah, I said it, like whoa dude. Not just whoa. We’re on a whole new level is what I’m saying.

I’m gonna have to ramp up my Scienification and Truthiness if I’m gonna step to what is about to be thrown down.

The Physics of Gay Marriage

“To start with, physics is one of the most fundamentals of all the sciences

Oh, he is bringing it right down to the fundamentals. There just ain’t no response to be made. Checkmate liberals. Check and mate.

and I used two bar magnets in my research.

Ah, fuck, we’ve got magnets and shit all up in here? That’s just not right. I mean, no one fucking knows how that shit works!

A bar magnet is a horizontal magnet that has the North Pole and the South Pole and when you bring two bar magnets and you bring the North Pole together you find that the two North Poles will not attract. They will repel, that is, they will push away themselves showing that a man should not attract a man. If you bring two South Poles together you find that the two South Poles will not attract indicating that same sex marriage should not hold. A female should not attract a female as South Pole of a magnet does not attract the South Pole of a magnet. But, when you bring a North Pole of a magnet and a South Pole of a magnet they will attract because they are not the same, indicating that a man will attract a woman because of the way nature has made a female.

Which is why, every single person has one side of themselves that is “female” and another “male”, exhibiting the two poles like some horrific Mannequin creature from Silent Hill 2… wait, no, oh, I get it, they’re back to back like the 4-legged creature in the Origin of Love song from Hedgwig and the Angry Inch… Uh… everyone is intersex?

Oh, silly me, clearly I’m forgetting that magnets are independently either south pole or north pole. And certainly there aren’t magnets who can switch back and forth with what they attract to, bisexual style and… Wait, this raises an even more important question! What about electromagnetism?

If I’m in bed sandwiched between my two South Pole girlfriends and I start slowly spinning between them to show them both cuddle affection, do I become an electrical generator? And does this mean that queer threesomes are absolutely critical for the creation of our modern electrical grid?

Even in physics when you study what is called electrostatics, you found that when you rub particles together they don’t attract each other but when you rub particle in another medium they will attract each other. For example, if you use your biro and rub it on your hair, after rubbing, try to bring small pieces of paper they will attract because one is charged while the other one is not charged. But if both of them are charged they don’t attract, which means that man cannot attract another man because they are the same, and a woman should not attract a woman because they are the same. That is how I used physics to prove gay marriage wrong.

But wait, men and women aren’t really different mediums. I mean, it’s not like men are some alien lifeform from Planet Douchebro incapable of producing viable offspring with normal Earth females. Really, the case is better made that people in general should never “rub” each other and instead stick with things much more different than them in order to form proper electrostatic charge. Like barnyard animals or farm equipment (which reminds me, what is Don Surber up to these days?). Wait, no, ideally it’s something that can easily deliver a “charge”. Electrical equipment is especially good for this. And what is the electrical equipment most likely used to “rub” on people?

Really, if people insist on going against God’s will by refusing to be monogamous with their vibrators, then we really have no one to blame but ourselves. King Physics decrees it so!

I mean, sure, you may think that there are plenty of people experiencing genuine sexual and romantic attractions to the same gender or a different gender, because we are not actually all aromantic asexuals (woot to those who are, though, you deserve a shoutout from time to time). And that plenty of people get a good “charge” out of rubbing their fleshy bits against each other in that strange way you sexuals are so fond of doing. But that’s only because you aren’t a time-traveling triple-crown winning black-belt Physicist like this guy.

The Chemistry of Gay Marriage

~I remember when I found out about Chemistry~

“In chemistry, I used chemical reactions and we have different types of chemical reactions. We have double decomposition reaction, decomposition reaction, neutralisation reaction and reduction oxidation reaction.

Ah shit man, look at all those reactions. You can’t find those outside of… like a light perusal of a basic level chemistry book and shit. And all the experiments, they’re like off the hook, full of tables and complicated assays and not just pointing to some half-assed C-grade regurgitations of intro level shit as if you just found the Theory of Everything.

But in chemistry I used a simple one known as neutralisation reaction which is a reaction where an acid reacts with a base to give you salt and water. For example, when you bring surphuric acid and you reacts it with sodium hydroxide which is a base you are going to have salt and water. That tells you that the acid is a different body, the base is a different body and they will react

Sooo, what you’re saying is that when heterosexuals “react” they form a brief violent row, a salty unpalatable mess, and leaves everyone involved completely agendered… wait what?

But if you bring an acid and you pour it on top of an acid chemistry there will be no reaction. If you bring water and pour it on top it shows that there will be no reaction.

Uhhhhhhh….

If you bring a base either sodium hydroxide and you pour it on top of a sodium hydroxide you find out that there will be reaction showing that a man on top of a man will have no reaction. A woman on top of a woman will have no reaction, that is what chemistry is showing.

That may be what “chemistry” is showing, but I’m pretty sure the world’s porn supply not only shows that putting a man on top of a man or a woman on top of a woman will get plenty of “reactions”. It’s almost like ancient Evangelical myths about how “science” proves that men and women always complement each other and so must be relegated to 1950s gender norms have little to do with reality… No, mustn’t disbelieve polymath supergenius…

Even in chemistry when you also use a process called electrolysis, which is if you use electrolysis of acidilated water, that is water you drop some droplets of acid on it, you found that the negative ions will be attracted to the positive ones while the positive ions will be attracted to the negative ones. So the negative ones are not attracted to their peers, they are all attracted to the positive electrode and the positive ones are not attracted to the positive electrode. Instead, the negative ion is attracted to positive electrodes and why is it that the negative is attracted to the positive? It is because they are not the same. Likewise a man cannot be attracted to a man as negative ion is not attracted to the negative electrode instead negative ion is attracted to the positive electrode. That is what electrolysis is showing us that gay marriage is wrong in the area of chemistry.

But wait, positive ions can totes be smashed all up with each other if they have some neutral pals to keep them separated. Just look at neutrons and protons in the nucleus. So, it seems that negative ions can have fun chasing after each other and positive ions can be all cool showering together as long as there’s a good non-gendered person in the threesome to keep shit from getting all high drama, nuclear reaction everywhere.

I mean, really, with the electrical generator example and now this, you are making more of a case for queer poly families than anything else. I mean, they seem to be the only things with staying power to make it through the long term. Heterosexuals are just too prone to breaking apart or reacting violently with other ions all the time. I mean, if we’re arguing stability here for the little ion children, well… I’m afraid the “science” is clear.

The Biology of Gay Marriage

Oooh, yay! It’s biology! Ooh, I want to guess his “experiment” this time.

Hmmm… based on his monomaniacal focus, I’m going to go with “penis no can enter penis” (docking, sounding, or frottage, what are they?) and hurdy durr “vagina no can be penetrated by vagina” (me no ever heard of tribbing or scissoring).

Overall though, I imagine this will be the greatest train wreck of them all. I mean, biology is where we actually encounter actual people and actual animals and the messy kinky sex they have with each other in ways that make the baby Jesus cry. All that infinite variation and spectrum of gender and sexuality for all to see. It’s not like in chemistry or physics where it’s all abstract metaphors and you can pretend that people are acids and bases and have set predetermined reaction patterns under the same stimulae.

“In biology, I used simple experiments and I came down to a lay man.

Oh, my. (/George Takei)

We have seen that the female of a fowl is called hen and the male of a fowl is called a cock.

Ummm… if this starts breaking out into a rendition of What Does the Fox Say, I’m not sure that’s a compelling case for queer people being non-existing.

P.S. I gotta love how this was supposed to be a proof of how gay marriage is somehow “scientifically wrong” and instead has mostly been trying to prove that is physically impossible (as in against the very laws of physics and ions) to be attracted to the same sex or even engage in sex with the same gender. I’m pretty sure if it were completely impossible for people to be gay, then the wingnuts would have one less thing to feel “inherently” superior about and there would be no need for long sciency proofs of how “impossible” it is to have gay sex.

We have never seen where a cock is having sex with a cock

… Fuck it, I’m still counting it.

and we have never seen where a hen is having sex with another. Even among lions when you go to the zoo you find out that lion does not mate with a lion instead a lion will mate with a lioness showing that a lion being a male will mate with lioness being a female.

Snrk.

Heh. Heeheehee. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Uh, yeah, totes, dude, animals never have gay sex. Nope, never. I mean, for fuck’s sake dude, I know there’s been this long movement of politely glossing over all the queer orgies that animals get up to, but there’s denialism and then there’s just putting your fingers in your ears and yelling that you can’t hear the sound the bonobos are making when they are “grooming”.

Oh and to answer your initial fail, yes, Virginia, there are gay chickens. There are even transgender chickens. And asexual sheep. All that messy “unique” variation we see in humans is just as visible in the animal kingdom when we take our heads out of our asses and actually look for ourselves. Every last bit. If fluberts existed outside this blog, then you can bet your ass that my next link would be to flubert bat specimens.

Maybe it’s time you learned to deal with it. And that goes double for all the rest of you ignorant God-stalkers out there.

Now if animals that are of even lower creature understand so much, how come human being made in the higher image of God that is even of higher creature will be thinking of a man having sex with another and woman having sex with another woman?

Oh, if only he was actually competent at biology, maybe he could have avoided this delicious mouthful of irony. But he wasn’t and so we get to just savor it. Mmm mmm, that’s good own goal.

That shows that it’s a misnomer and when you come to real biological standard, when you see a lady you love there is what is called the follicle stimulating hormone. The follicle stimulating hormone in a man triggers what is called spermatogenesis through your brain which is called hypothalamus.

Uh huh. Yes, “men”, i.e. cis men when they see a lady (cis or trans* status indeterminate as of yet) that they love, only then start producing sperm and only in reaction to the “woman” they love. Not say, a routine creation that is hardly mercurial, but rather follows a set cycle that does not care if you are homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, heterosexual, single target, or asexual. I’m pretty sure there are aromantic hermits who have never fallen in love and will never fall in love who nonetheless still fall prey to the cycles that many of us are bound to.

But hey, maybe I’m wrong and this is part of the same magic sperm generation powers that reads how manly a man you are to decide whether or not you’ll have sons or not.

It will send message to your brain when you see a lady you love and through the hypothalamus you will go after the lady. And it will trigger your spermatogenesis and the lady’s host follicles stimulating hormone will be triggered by the hypothalamus and it will stimulate her ovarian follicle. So in the man is the spermatogenesis, in female it’s the ovarian follicle.

Oh joy, we’re exporting our evo-psych nonsense overseas too. I can’t tell you how overjoyed I am to see that anti-science bullshit spreading around the globe.

You find out that the sperm alone does not produce a child and the ovary alone in the female does not produce a child. They need each other for reproduction to occur and the follicle stimulating hormone in the man and that of the female promote different things. The sperm in the man alone doesn’t produce a child and ovary in the female alone does not produce a child, they need each other for reproduction to occur. So that shows how biology proves that gay marriage is wrong.

And of course this argument again. Because every single homophobe on the planet circles back to this argument when all their various other “attempts” to secularize raw religious antipathy fail. Because apparently reproduction is the be all, end all of relationships every where, even though plenty of cis/straight monogamous, sex in missionary position no more than once a week types have no intention of reproducing in the course of their marriages. Even though we don’t forcibly divorce people when one of them gets their tubes tied or fits in an IUD or is determined to be infertile or simply grows up and gets old. Even though there is no end to queer relationships that are fully capable of reproducing. Even though there are no end to 100% straight relationships that are physically incapable of ever reproducing.

Even though we have too damn many people on this planet already and too damn many kids who are unwanted and need homes, love, and support and the last thing we need is a bunch of religious fucktards continuing to overpopulate our resource-starved planet out of some fealty to “proving heterosexuality” through the unloving creation of a child who will be neglected and treated as nothing more than a tool and a possession.

Because they really have nothing else and they don’t really have this either. And our brands of wingnuts can sell it overseas and rejoice that at least they can convince their targets there to keep their gravy train alive a couple more decades, but it won’t change the trend. It won’t change reality.

And most of all, it won’t change love.

The Mathematics of Gay Marriage

Gays + Marriage = Rise of the Antichrist?

In mathematics which is another core area of science, I used what is called the principle of commutativity and idepotency. Commutativity in mathematics is simply the arrangement of numbers or arrangement of letters in which the way you arrange them don’t matter. For example, if you say A + B in mathematics you are going to have B + A. For example, if I say two plus three it will give five. If I start from three, I say three plus two it also give you five showing that two plus three and three plus two are commutative because they gave the same results.

Yes, I know. I was just teaching that concept to a Seventh Grader earlier this week. You are in grad school. Grow your arguments the fuck up, already.

That shows that A + B will give you B + A, you see that there is a change.

Uh, no there really isn’t. That’s sort of the point of the proof. They are one and the same and there isn’t a real change if you go from A + B to B + A… which if we’re going where I think we’re going means there is no real difference if you put the man in front or the woman in front. Whichever way the strap-on goes, it’s all the same.

In A + B, A started the journey while in B + A, B started the journey. If we use A as a man and use B as a woman we are going to have B + A that is woman and man showing that there is a reaction. A + B reacted, they interchanged and gave us B + A showing that commutativity obeys that a man should not marry a man and a woman should not marry a woman.

… I think I just became dumber for having read that. Um, the fuck? Reactions, we’re still on chemistry and the amorphous, undefined “reactions”. With fucking math. Math doesn’t really “react”. 1+5 doesn’t react into 6. It’s not like the 1 and 5 particles fuse to form an equivalent molar volume of 6 particles.

And I have no idea how even in your logic you jumped from man and woman equals man and woman therefore no fags. I mean, at best, you’ve proved a good argument for feminism as it doesn’t really change the love in a relationship of A and B and how they react if the man or woman is the one to take charge. Neither loses anything, mathematically speaking.

If you use idempotency, it’s a reaction in mathematics where A + A = A.

Uh… no. Just no.

Actually in abstract algebra, A + A =2A

“Abstract” algebra? You mean, like algebra. Or any form of math on the planet. For fuck’s sake man, I hate proofs as much as the next person forced to do them, but I’m pretty sure debugging an equation where A=0 or its equivalent problem was like example one on why we were supposed to pretend to care.

but we are less concerned with the numerical value two. We are more less concerned with the symbols A, you find out that A + A will give you A showing that the whole thing goes unchanged. It didn’t change unlike commutativity A + B give B + A there is a change. A started the journey in commutativity and A + B gave us B + A and B started the journey after the equality sign. But in the case of idempotency A + A will give you A showing that it goes unreacted. You started with A and you meet A ,the final result is A. Showing that a man meeting a man A + A will produce a man there is no reaction, it goes unreacted and in chemical engineering you have to send the material back to the reactor for the action to be carried out again showing that it goes unreacted. That is how mathematics has shown that gay marriage is wrong because commutativity proves that gay marriage is wrong. Idempotency also proves that gay marriage is wrong. So these are the principles I have used to prove gay marriage wrong in physics, chemistry, biology, mathematics and by the grace of God I am the only one that has proved this in the whole world.

Uh huh… So basically, if you ignore how math works then you can avoid acknowledging that a man and a woman is just that, a man and a woman. And a man and a man is just that, two men, and so on and so forth. A genderqueer person, a transman, an agendered asexual, a cismale transvestite, and an intersex sub are just that as well, themselves, combined, together.

That’s… so… BRILLIANT!

I mean, it’s such a perfect demonstration of the intentional myopia of homophobia and sexism and how it turns a blind eye to reality and the way people are in order to justify beliefs that literally cannot be reconciled with how reality works at its core. Willing to deny the very way the fundamentals of our understanding of the world works all while angrily screaming that they are just “defending” the “true” reality.

“If you go on the Internet to check whether there is anybody who has used physics to prove gay marriage wrong, you find out there is none. You go to Google or youtube check whether there is anybody that has used chemistry to find same sex marriage wrong, you find out there is none and the same applies to biology and mathematics.

“In general, same sex marriage is evil. It should be stopped by those practicing it. Now they are saying that they will go and adopt a child, the question is that if everybody shows interest in same sex marriage where would the child they are adopting come from?”

It is the perfect demonstration of how utterly predictable homophobia is and how the wingnut response to facts is a turtle-shell dodge hiding away from a reality that is literally shouting at them past their cognitive dissonance. And how they will gladly turn a blind eye to literally erase connections of love and sexual attraction in order to justify the unjustifiable and believe in a reality that never was. Man + Man in love is treated as nothing. Love is treated as artificially absent or segregated or dependent on meaningless gender roles that have never been anything more than bullshit and habit.

It’s only a shame that the author’s country of origin will overshadow how universal this shit really is and it will more likely play out as an “African is ignorant bigot” story than an illumination of how bigotry leads to the psychotic break from reality we are seeing in so many wingnuts.

And now his works have earned him the respect in the world of science. He said: “At the University of Lagos where I currently study as a student you will find my publication on the notice board there. When you go to the Senate Building of the university you will see the same notice there and even recently my lecturer at the Department of Chemical Engineering, Profesor D.S.Aribuike pointedly told me that I will win Nobel prize one day, because he found that my works are real and nobody has done it in any part of the world. You know Nobel Prize is the highest award anyone could ever win and no African has won Nobel Prize in science. So I am aspiring to win Nobel Prize for Africa. Other universities have seen my work and sent me commendations. I have a professor friend who has seen the work I did and he sent me congratulatory message because of the originality of the work.”

Not only that, Dr. Henry Boyo, Department of Physics at UNILAG approved of him. He said: “I have known him (Stanley) for the past five years. He is a very sound guy. He is genuine in terms of his scientific discoveries. He has appeared on NTA and SilverBird televisions where he demonstrated his knowledge of science. When you talk to him, you will know that he understands what he is talking about. He is convincing.
“He conceptualised the idea of using sciences and mathematics to prove gay marriage wrong and we have worked it here. Some people make claims to religion but he went a step further to use science and mathematics to prove gay marriage wrong. He used my laboratory here (UNILAG) to carry out his researches. He is the originator of the idea, he deserves commendation and we support the idea. You can quote me anywhere, the guy’s concept is germane and it has been scientifically proven to be true.”

His Next Step
“I want to be able to publish it in international journals. The finance has been a problem in this area because I found out that you you have to pay in dollars for international journals to publish you. You know finance is a factor and I don’t have money to start paying in US dollars and I need sponsors so that I can pay for the journals to be published.”

Not a one Nobel Prize winner, eh?

And who knows, perhaps you could have been an Ahmed Zewail or a Claude Cohen-Tannoudji, if you were willing like them to observe the world you lived in and actually do something real and new instead of serve as a convenient fool for the ignorant throw-up a sick and dying religion decided to make your daily gruel.

But sadly, no, you aren’t.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. You have no idea how much I’m crossing my fingers that this thread doesn’t just devolve into a LOL Africa iz dum failapalooza. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 271

 
 
 

Froost!!

 
 

And also, the heck with the chickens………………there’s plenty of gay penguins to go around, and they’re way more stylish. Too.

 
 

The sad thing is the twat leaves himself open to allll the awful lines about Nigerians scamming for dollars.

 
 

Give a man a fish and he’ll become a hippie communist freeloader. Teach a man to fish and he’ll steal a job from a white person. But give a man a bible and trample him under its brutal oppression and he’ll die and go to a better place.

Fookin’ brilliant, Cerb !!!

 
 

You have no idea how much I’m crossing my fingers that this thread doesn’t just devolve into a LOL Africa iz dum failapalooza.

Here, I’ll knock on some wood.

Anyway , the cra-zee is universal, ‘though this guy is approaching TIme Cube territory.

 
 

“This Day Live”?
It is reassuring to learn that Nigeria has its own version of WND. Still, their problem.

 
 

the heck with the chickens………………there’s plenty of gay penguins

Penguins is practically chickens.

 
 

Penguins is practically chickens.
Penguins is practically nuns, all black & white.
It gets lonely down on the ice.

 
 

“If you go on the Internet to check whether there is anybody who has used physics to prove gay marriage wrong, you find out there is none.
There’s a reason for that. It’s called reasoning, and you’re doing it wrong.

 
 

If he doesn’t have a billion dollars from the account of the late General Addis Ababa Whoosis to invest, what good is he?

 
 

Of course penguins are gay. They walk around in men’s evening dress all the time. Obviously they’re lesbians.

 
 

Q: Whats the only words in the Bible that so-called ‘literalists’ never take literally?

A: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Q: What are the only words in the Constitution that so-called literalists never take literally?

A: “well regulated militia”.

 
 

The swirl of sadness and anger I feel reading this has coalesced into one tiny little question: how old is this guy? I mean, not by the calendar.

 
 

Australia has fairy penguins, AKA little penguins. They are adorable!

 
 

Just for the record – Africa’s penguins are called Jackass penguins. Just, you know, to compare.
The little fairies are indeed adorable.

 
 

Science!

Yep, I’m convinced.

I wonder if this guy knows Chief Editor Korrir?

 
 

Australia has fairy penguins, AKA little penguins.

I didn’t think penguins could get any cuter.

 
 

Gay chicken.

I’m no evolutionary biologist, so my understanding of the mechanics are probably messed up. Anyways, the idea was explained to me as the “best presents come from your rich gay uncles” theory. The concept being that you share 50% of your genes with your siblings and thus 25% with your nieces and nephews. Meaning in species where extended families providing child care and support for parents lead to more children surviving to breeding age, there is selection pressure for homosexual behaviour.

That being the case, you would expect correlation between the incidence of homosexuality with parental care and communal child rearing. And that does appear to be observed.

Domesticated chickens are social birds. Even outside of factory farm barns, they collect in groups and behave in a very SOCIALASM manner. The real reason why you don’t see a lot of cock-on-cock action is that typical operations of chicken farming involve culling all the little boys as soon as you can determine their gender.

There was a guy who used to come by every now and then that was very knowledgeable about chickens, although his name escapes me at the moment. Had an urban farming blog too. I wish he were around to lend us his expertise on the very important question of gay chicken.

 
 

You’re talking about one crazy fuck knob who happens to be from a single country – Nigeria. And when I read his crazy fuck knobbery, I can’t distinguish it from American crazy fuck knobbery. So I kinda get the Nigerian connection, but I do not get the African connection.

 
 

And another thing. There are many similarities between South America and Africa when it comes to experiences at the hands of imperialist tools from various European nations and the unpleasant results. However, I never hear people talk about South America as though it is a country. Why is this?

 
 

It’s known as the “gay uncle theory.” There is indeed evidence that Teh gheys are more beneficent to their siblings children than their straight counterparts. I seem to recall a study (in Italy?) that showed gay men being notably more generous to their nieces and nephews than were their hetero siblings. There is also anecdata galore – my faggy fag acquaintances spoil the fuck out of their siblings’ kids.

And that’s without getting into the other supporting evidence like the increased fecundity of enate relatives of gay men and other stuff.

 
 

Shake has a good point but not an excellent one. Uganda? Even South Africa, which had Constitutional protections for gays, is notably homophobic.

 
 

Rooster Shamblin. That was his name. Sadly it appears his WordPress is defunct.

 
 

“I want to be able to publish it in international journals. The finance has been a problem in this area because I found out that you you have to pay in dollars for international journals to publish you. You know finance is a factor and I don’t have money to start paying in US dollars and I need sponsors so that I can pay for the journals to be published.”

I’ll bet he’s also related to a Nigerian prince.

 
 

Also curious that he want US dollars. Canadian dollars or Euros or rubles or dinars just aren’t good enough.

 
 

Looking for Rooster Shamblin has brought BackYardChickens.com to my attention. So, looks like gay roosters IS REAL.

 
 

we’ve got magnets and shit all up in here? That’s just not right. I mean, no one fucking knows how that shit works!

The tide goes in; the tide goes out.

 
 

The Mathematics of Gay Marriage

I notice he makes no mention of pie.

 
 

The Best of Cerebrus anthology is gonna be a thick book.

 
 

Hey! What happed to the Cerebrus donation button?

 
H. Rumbold, Master Barber
 

He left out the Engineering proof that you can’t thread a nut onto a nut or a bolt onto a bolt. Mouths and rectums don’t seem to have these topological incompatibilities, however.

 
 

Yes, it has now been scientifically proven that ladies have magnetic lady parts which attract gentleman’s gentleman parts.

Ha ha, you libs can’t handle the truth.

 
 

Also, am I the only one who thinks this guy’s experiments with chemicals have involved injecting or otherwise ingesting them?

And those of us who read T. Pratchett know this can’t end well at all:

I have also been able to prove that the mathematical symbol pi which people thought of as 22 over 7 is not actually 22 over , but rather a transcendental number while 22 over 7 is a rational number.

 
 

Now if animals that are of even lower creature understand so much

You know, if animals are so “low” and we humans are made in God’s image… “luminous being are we! Not this crude matter!” and all that good stuff… then how does it have any bearing on us what animals do or don’t do? I mean, it’s not like we evolved from them or anything.

 
 

Oh and as if that wasn’t enough, pretty much every Evangelical and Christian missionary religion on the planet has declared open season on the Nigerian populace since the early 20th century, with about 40-50% of the population following a bastardization of Evangelical bullshit. And being home to all the “test” missions that all the Western world’s crazies want to try out with a “good target population” they can feel all smugly superior about has just been great for Nigeria culturally and medically. What with them currently having the second largest number of people living with HIV and LGBT rights that could be described charitably as oh my fucking Bob levels.

No description of Western Christian missionaries’ involvement in Africa is complete without this – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pat_Robertson_controversies#Financial_ties_to_African_leaders

Or a mention of the Uganda kill the gays bill.

Africa is the proxy battlefield that American megachurches and televangelists use to spread the Glorious Crusade. The same role places like Afghanistan, Somalia, Iraq and now Syria fulfill for rich Saudi Wahabbis.

 
 

On teh Fizzicks front, his whole point was that “opposites attract”? Geez, he coulda just linked hot chicks with douchebags.

Anyways, no one tell him about strong nuclear force and the make up of nuclei.

 
 

You want anti-African stereotyping? Come to Africa (South).
1. Nigerians.
Stereotype : All conmen and drug dealers – bad guys.
Kernel of truth : Decent-living Nigerians stay home. We don’t get refugees – we get bad guys looking to score. SA big drug throughpath.
2. Somalis.
Stereotype : All Somalis belong to clans that stick together, open shops to exploit us – these being eminently suitable for looting at xenophobia time.
Kernel of Truth : Somali refugees do tend to look out for others from their clan groups when they arrive. They buy in bulk and start small shops in underserved areas. It’s a living when you do not speak the language so cannot get a job.
3. Congolese
Stereotype : Congolese think they are better than us because they have an education. Need to be brought down a peg or two.
Kernel of Truth : Congolese refugees tend to be educated people like doctors, engineers etc. but as they were educated in French and their qualifications are not recognised, they have to scrabble for menial jobs.
4. Zimbabweans.
Stereotype : Zims are job-stealing illegals who should go home already. We have enough of an unemployment problem.
Kernel of Truth : This is actually true. Zims will work for food and shelter and do so on many farms – their own country is such a disaster area.

/Ducks for cover/

 
 

Pi =/= 22 over 7.

I learned this when I was 24 over 2, for Christ’s sake.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Please don’t tell him about quantities that don’t commute—like position and momentum.

 
 

His persistence during our conversations on the phone that I should give him an opportunity to explain some of his scientific breakthroughs made me to agree to meet him at his residence at No.38 Godwin Way, Ireakari Estate, Isolo, Lagos.

The rest of the article that follows is a joke, right?

 
 

I have also been able to prove that the mathematical symbol pi which people thought of as 22 over 7 is not actually 22 over , but rather a transcendental number while 22 over 7 is a rational number.

He also brokers opportunities in bridge toll revenue streams for storied American firms PB and BAH for the right investor. See, it’s a win-win–you provide the capital, the government gets an administrative nuisance of their hands, and the revenue stream is good for life….

 
 

S. cerevisiae said,

September 22, 2013 at 15:33

Science!

Loved your feature story this week, Cerv!

This article is a perfect amalgam of “Texas” “brew” “beer gut” “fungal infection” and bad editing.

 
 

Suezboo–I liked District 9, but I thought the unironic stereotyping of Nigerians in that movie was kind of ugly.

 
 

He left out the Engineering proof that you can’t thread a nut onto a nut or a bolt onto a bolt. Mouths and rectums don’t seem to have these topological incompatibilities, however.

He forgot the Mathematical proof from Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex *But Were Afraid To Ask [HOW DARE YOU GHEYS AND KINKS AND FEMINAZIS CRITICISE ME, MY OPINIONS ARE SCIENCE!]: 0 + 0 = 0, therefore lezbeans R dumb.

 
 

And with that, I have things to eat and people to wave at awkwardly, so I’ll return to bore this thread into submission later.

Oh, and the gators won but it was Tennessee and I fucking hate Tennessee anyway… feel bad for my coworker who doesn’t just hate the Gators she HATES the Gators because yesterday was a bad day. I wish the ‘Noles would get good again, though. Would really blow up this superiority complex these Gator undergrads have going on.

 
 

… agree to meet him at his residence at No.38 Godwin Way, Ireakari Estate, Isolo, Lagos.

Furrin’ stylebook sez give the interview subject’s full address?

 
 

African news sites feature that kind of stuff pretty regularly in my experience. However they do tend to allow dissenting opinions on a lotta stuff.

 
 

This article is a perfect amalgam of “Texas” “brew” “beer gut” “fungal infection” and bad editing.
….
His bizarre case came to light after Cordell co-authored a report about auto-brewery syndrome for the July edition of the International Journal of Clinical Medicine.

Cordell is an aromatherapist; and whatever it is that makes a prestige journal, the IJCM has the negative version. Nuff said.

 
 

You want anti-African stereotyping? Come to Africa (South).

Suezboo – You might be surprised that Columbus Ohio has a fairly large Somali population. A lot of them came here as refugees from the civil war back in the 1990s.

 
 

Would really blow up this superiority complex these Gator undergrads have going on.

WTF? Gator undergrads have a superiority complex? I assume it’s about their in-all-but-name pro football team, ’cause I doubt it’s the quality of their undergraduate education. I worked in the science library there in the late ’80s, and, yeah, if you wanted to get a decent education there, you could, but if you were in any way on the fence about education vs party, it had to be difficult.

 
 

The real question is, does the good “doctor” know what the QUEERS are doing TO THE SOIL?

😉

 
 

Apropos of nothing in particular, my 14yr year old cat just had a fit of the wilds and ran randomly about with her eyes wide and her ears cocked. She’s not running anymore, but she’s still looking for trouble to get into.

 
 

WTF? Gator undergrads have a superiority complex? I assume it’s about their in-all-but-name pro football team, ’cause I doubt it’s the quality of their undergraduate education. I worked in the science library there in the late ’80s, and, yeah, if you wanted to get a decent education there, you could, but if you were in any way on the fence about education vs party, it had to be difficult.

Ha.

I have a relative who went there. His Facebook history lists “studied [insert fraternity name here] at University of Florida.” Yep, sounds like what you said.

 
 

This guy makes Violent Jay and Shaggy 2 Dope look smart. At least they admit they don’t know anything.

 
 

I assume it’s about their in-all-but-name pro football team, ’cause I doubt it’s the quality of their undergraduate education.

I thought we were talking about Ohio State there for a second. Oh, excuse me, The Ohio State University.

 
 

Christina Hendricks, ladies and gentlemen.

The only part of any awards ceremony that matters.

 
 

my 14yr year old cat just had a fit of the wilds

Do you live near a fault zone? Mebbe yer kitty is a Harbinger of Doom!
(Also possible band name.)

 
 

Do you live near a fault zone? Mebbe yer kitty is a Harbinger of Doom!

Since I live in a not-extinct volcano (it last erupted 10,000-32,000 years ago, geologists won’t swear to it staying dormant), I really hope she’s not a harbinger.

 
 

WTF? Gator undergrads have a superiority complex?

Oh, I agree, but this was when Bright Futures was like, a thing, and really studious middle class kids were flooding the place. Bernie Machen and state budget cuts put an end to that nonsense, and the party is back on.

 
 

Although it really was hilar-lar when the Shitty Commission, which does do anything without UF approving it first, started to get all pissy frowny face about underage alcohol sales and started making arrests and wouldn’t you know a whole lot of student senators and members of Florida Blue Key were openly drinking just as you like at The Swamp Restaurant right across the street from Library West. The bellowing and howls of outrage from that lot, I mean police aren’t supposed to arrest them by god, who ever heard of such a thing?!

I will laugh so hard when Charleston, SC has the same little ruction. I’ve never been in a town where I and my party were carded less… yup, they totally served an 18 year old. It’s totally legal in Europe, etc, & so on….

Ah, privilege.

 
 

I got fucking ID’d tonight. Yay me!

 
 

Always liked the word “ruction”.
Like to use it in the plural mostly.

 
 

Second sentence: “incredible” for “incredibly”.

. . . Math doesn’t really “react”. . .
It’s a slightly better article if you assume he’s just forgotten to say that he’s using “Reactive Math” and if you don’t know “Reactive Math” then you might not understand the cream-colored parts.

 
 

So, wingnuts have dragged us down to the point that America is now officially the favorite mark of African conmen.

What a sorry, sorry state we have sunk to…

(or, maybe we were always pathetically stoopid, and the mask is just falling away now that all the misbegotten wealth from 20th Century wars has dried up.)

 
 

I got fucking ID’d tonight. Yay me!

The last time someone asked me if I was old enough to buy beer I said “I’m old enough to have invented it.”

 
 

Just to point out, the electrolysis thing? He’s got it so not even wrong, he is as wrong as possible. The process of electrolysis involves hair removal. Uh, I mean it involves taking ordinary water molecules, Nature’s opposite sex marriage of different atoms and breaks them up so those deviant hydrogen ions can get together and gay marry one another with some crazy electron swapping bondage. Likewise the O’s.

Also note, in this example only the same sex molecules are pair bonds. Water is a threesome.

 
 

I got fucking ID’d tonight. Yay me!
I get ID’d too but it’s because I’m asking for the senior discount.

 
 

Right up to the bio section I was vaguely amused by this twit. I’m surprised he didn’t decode the human genome and develop a polio vaccine on top of his other research. Magnets AND acids and bases, QED bitches! Fear my infinitely assailable logic! Never mind all those orgies known as hydrocarbons (like the ones that fund your quack research dude).
At least now I can see where Christianist homeschooling publishers can go for writers when they decide that domestic idiots charge too much.

 
 

I once got ID’d at a local liquor emporium here at the age of 25, but I later found it that it was because of a recent enforcement operation where young adults younger than 21 went around to various establishments to see if they would be carded when they tried to buy alcohol. Some places didn’t, of course, so all the places that didn’t get caught ID’d everyone that could possibly be under 21, including yours truly.

 
 

Bread goes in, toast comes out.

YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN THAT.

(Alternate shorter)

 
 

it all reminds me of the old joke about the american scientist on what the greatest invention in history has been…the thermos…and why? because it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold…how does it know?

 
 

The rest of the article that follows is a joke, right?

The Great Gazoogle (maps) does show that there really is a Godwin Way off Ire Akari Estates Road in Lagos. Because Hitler, obviously.

 
 

Bread goes in, toast comes out.

YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN THAT.

Yeah, toast!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHptn_3RyYE

 
 

Always liked the word “ruction”.

PSA: eruction is NOT an electronic form of ruction.

 
 

Bread goes in, toast comes out.

YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN THAT.

A secret compartment hides the toast, it gets swapped for the bread. Easy, gullible sheep.

 
 

The Great Gazoogle (maps) does show that there really is a Godwin Way off Ire Akari Estates Road in Lagos. Because Hitler, obviously.

Circleville Ohio has not one, not two, but three roads named:

Hitler Rd 1
Hitler Rd 2
Huber-Hitler Rd

 
The Dark God of Time AKA The Dark God of Time
 

[Nymjacking antiObamacare copypasta trolling removed]

 
 

A secret compartment hides the toast, it gets swapped for the bread. Easy, gullible sheep.

BUT WHERE DOES THE BREAD GO?

 
 

If people are oh-so-different than animals, and made in God’s image… Why exactly would it follow that our sexual proclivities be like animals and be only heterosexual?

Sheesh. Their argument doesn’t even try to make sense, let alone be based in reality on either side. Might as well be arguing the sexual proclivities of turquoise rhomboids.

 
 

If people are oh-so-different than animals, and made in God’s image… Why exactly would it follow that our sexual proclivities be like animals and be only heterosexual?

Gods are pretty freaky. There are well documented cases of gods seducing mortals in the guise of swans and bulls. Who knows what the limits of what they consider acceptable are?

 
 

Also–like magnet poles repel, opposite poles attract.

Therefore, gay marriage scientifically lame.

 
 

BUT WHERE DOES THE BREAD GO?

Duh, it gets incinerated so more can be hidden.

 
 

The scary thing is that this guy represents a possible future for the US, if we keep letting anti-education types chip away at our educational system in the name of “religious freedom” or “the free market” or whatever other excuse they think will fly.

 
 

So, a Pole from Gdansk will be attracted to a Pole from Krakow but two Poles from Warsaw will hate each other?

 
 

Duh, it gets incinerated so more can be hidden.

It’s also the crumbsource.

 
 

BUT WHERE DOES THE BREAD GO?

I think I spent it all on pot and munchies.

 
 

This guy reminds me of Ben Domenech. Fantastic at parroting the prejudices of the authority figures he admires, but woefully short of anything else. If he’d apply half the effort to examining the character and motives of the people he’s trying to impress that he does to his bullshit ‘science’ he’d find out in a hurry, that they are only interested in ‘science’ insofar as it supports their reactionary agenda. Seriously, that is some ‘sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes’ level shit. This guy is a born con man and in another time he’d be making the big money selling patent medicine or starting a cult.

 
The Dark God of Time AKA The Dark God of Time
 

[nymjacked copypasta idiocy redacted]

 
 

BUT WHERE DOES THE BREAD GO?

Same place as those single socks. ITS A MIRACLE!

 
 

So, a Pole from Gdansk will be attracted to a Pole from Krakow but two Poles from Warsaw will hate each other?

According to these scientific findings, yes.

 
 

I blame Obama for not getting my bread back from the toaster. He’s giving it away to the takers and illegals with their cell phones and millions per year in welfare.

 
 

This is an apt time to repeat a favorite line I heard. Homosexual behavior has been observed in hundreds of species. Homophobia has been observed in only one species. Who’s natural now, beyotch.

 
 

There was a comment in the last thread about a Buckaroo Bonzai wannabe. Well, here we have a guy in a white lab coat. Underneath which is a bright red sport coat and a t shirt such as a rock star might wear. He’s holding a beaker and there’s another beaker on the work bench as well as several bottles of what appear to be over the counter medicines along with several ancient looking electronic devices. I don’t doubt that there is an oscillation overthruster in there somewhere.

 
 

I don’t doubt that there is an oscillation overthruster in there somewhere.

Are you building an interociter in there?

 
 

It all reminds me of the old joke about the american scientist on what the greatest invention in history has been…the thermos…and why? because it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold…how does it know?

I heard that joke as a boy. Actually I think I read it in a Tasteless Jokes bestseller. It was presented as a “blacks are dumb” joke. The last line was “how do it know?”

This was around thirty years ago, before we became a post-racial society.

 
The Dark God of Time AKA The Dark God of Time
 

[Stubborn copypasta nymjacking trolling removed]

 
The Dark God of Time
 

[Removed ’cause it’s the same email and IP as the copypasta]

 
 

WRT to “X R dum” jokes, I prefer to tell the funny ones as Aggie jokes. On the theory that people don’t choose to be born in group X, but anyone going to TAMU knows about Aggie jokes ahead of time, and it comes with the territory. I regard GoodHair as a special case Aggie joke (not funny at all in his effects, possibly a “revenge of Teh Aggies” kind of joke).

 
The Dark God of Time AKA I Done Got Carded
 

[Nymjacked trolling copypasta (5th time) removed]

 
 

BUT WHERE DOES THE BREAD GO?
Duh, it gets incinerated so more can be hidden.

If you want *real* bread-to-toast transformation, you should get Tesla (played by David Bowie) on the job.

 
 

…crazy electron swapping bondage. Likewise the O’s.

Only too true, alas! As everyone knows, the offense is plenty potent (though they’ve been cold the last week or so). The defense is about to shatter MLB’s record for fewest errors in a season. But the Oreos are hobbling on TWO Achilles heels: (1) Stinkeroo starting pitching, which has been a problem for years and years; (2) weak relief pitching, which is in freefall, given the excellence of the 2012 bullpen. Baltimore MUST strengthen its pitching in the off-season, if it wants to move to the next level…especially in the AL-East slaughterhouse.

By the way, I think the Jays are a MUCH better team than their record, mainly because they play in the killer AL-East. Put Toronto in any other division, and I guarantee they would not be a celler-dweller. The Jays are sorta like the Oreos, in a way: Scary-good offense, inconsistent pitching. I thought they made good off-season moves last year, but some inexplicably didn’t turn out has hoped….particularly R.A. Dickey, whom I like tremendously, btw. Moving over from the NL, I thought his knuckleball would completely baffle AL hitters. Losing Juan Batista to injury didn’t help either.

I’m looking forward to the final Toronto-Baltimore series. It should be competive, as the whole year has been. The O’s lead the season series by only one game. (8 – 7)

Apologies to all for extended baze-bol commentary. But a largish chunk of the thread was devoted to F1 racing, so I hope these paragraphs aren’t excessive.

bbkf: I’ve commiserated with the Twins all season. I think they made a good move in shedding Morneau’s salary. (Perhaps they should move Mauer in the off-season, too: Minnesota is gonna needs some big bucks for major rebuilding.)

 
 

This is an apt time to repeat a favorite line I heard. Homosexual behavior has been observed in hundreds of species. Homophobia has been observed in only one species. Who’s natural now, beyotch.

This is an apt time for me to steal this line.

 
 

BUT WHERE DOES THE BREAD GO?

Same place as those single socks. ITS A MIRACLE!

Bob works in mysterious ways.

 
 

Shakezula: Imma gonna steel it, too!

 
 

Did anyone notice Mr. Alawaha laboratory attire? Now that is some spectacular pimp suit he’s got on under his too-small lab coat! All he’s missing are the gold chains and plumed fedora. He may be a craptastic ‘scientist’, but he’s an expert at whoring.

 
Fran Gugelburgh, Digging and Backhoe
 

[copypasta]

 
 

I noticed that all his lab ‘equipment’ is out of date, they all have analog meters instead of digital read-outs, and he’s holding a flask and pen like he’s going to write something about the flask.

The problem is that can’t because any measurements would take place with the flask on the lab bench, not being hand-held where you’re trying to get a precise amount or other datum about the substance in the flask.

 
Frank Gugelaci, Boot cobbler
 

[overcooked copypasta]

 
The Dark God of Time
 

[nymjack troll]

 
 

Vandals torched a bronze, life-size statue of Ronald Reagan […] The 1-year-old statue was set ablaze

I’m impressed by the technical abilities of anyone who can render copper alloy combustible.

 
 

Are you building an interociter in there?

“Maurice,” I say, “you’re working on a nullifier.”.

 
 

Sooo, what you’re saying is that when heterosexuals “react” they form a brief violent row, a salty unpalatable mess, and leaves everyone involved completely agendered

QUIT SPYING ON ME!

 
 

If you want *real* bread-to-toast transformation, you should get Tesla (played by David Bowie) on the job.

The Hunger. Bowie’s best role. Also an appearance by Bauhaus performing Bela Lugosi’s Dead.

But yeah–that’d be cool.

 
 

re: lab coat

The number of applications requiring a lab coat but neither gloves nor eye protection is actually very high. Pretending to be a doctor, pretending to be a chemist, model for a safety products catalog, F!rosh week, it’s a bit chilly and I left my only lightweight jacket on the train last Thursday, reducing the nicotine aura of your shirts due to smoke breaks. Dozens more! Probably.

 
 

But yeah–that’d be cool.
Prestigious details here.

 
 

WRT Mr. Alawaha’s attire and the lab in the background, that might be the fault of the person writing/publishing the article. Just think of all those brightly colored flasks so beloved of set designers for shows and ads, when they want to establish “laboratory.”

I really hope that’s neither his actual lab (if he has one) nor his actual lab attire, as both would be hazardous in the extreme.

 
 

Now I’m remembering all those PhD chemists at my old job who just couldn’t seem to get it through their heads that wearing their labcoats outside their labs was hazardous, and against policy for that reason (also cross contamination, etc). I suspect they thought of it as “badge of office,” not the PPE it was.

 
 

All right, I know it’s not “PC” of me but what pisses me off is all you ever see are cheap-shit coats that aren’t even made of real labs.

Bleeding heart animal lovers.

 
 

Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

September 23, 2013 at 23:32 (kill)

Add a rusty coat hangar sticking out of the breast pocket and you’ve got a fun halloween costume. “Oh, he’s a doctor, how cu…. OMFG!”

Hey, what’s a broke student but possessed of a lab coat to do?

 
 

Pupienus said,

September 24, 2013 at 0:03 (kill)

Hm. First time I read this I assumed it was written by Smut Clyde.

 
 

. It was presented as a “blacks are dumb” joke. The last line was “how do it know?”

yes, that is how i heard it too…

by the way, planned giving conferences ARE the snoozefest one would expect…

 
 

Bleeding heart animal lovers.

Agreed! But they’ll NEVER take my baby shampoo away!

 
 

by the way, planned giving conferences ARE the snoozefest one would expect…

Anything I’ve ever attended that had the conference in the title was a soul crushing bore-fest.

 
 

Gay Marriage has Electrolytes!
They’re what magnets crave!

(or something)

 
 

Agreed! But they’ll NEVER take my baby shampoo away!

Only use real poo.

 
 

Howard CoSmell’s wig took off in the race!

 
 

That may have been the first use of “poo” that I ever noticed on American television.

Canadians were more advanced on the poop joke front.

 
 

I resent the implication of a ‘poop joke’ gap, Amuricans have a 20% greater funny poop content than your average Canadian.

 
 

The Hunger. Bowie’s best role.

Dunno about that, but it contains the best waiting room joke ever.

 
 

Shampoo for our real friends, and real poo for our sham friends!

 
 

There’s a ShamWow joke there somewhere………….

 
 

Poo poo pee doop.

 
 

leaves everyone involved completely agendered

So long as it’s not the gay agender.

 
 

Shamwow for our real friends, and real wow for our sham friends…

Doesn’t really work…

 
 

applications requiring a lab coat but neither gloves nor eye protection

I frequently wear a lab coat without gloves or eye protection. Also without shoes, shirts, pants, or underwear… but never without my authentic Beau Geste desert kepi.

 
 

never without my authentic Beau Geste desert kepi.

Well, it’s your (Viking) funeral.

 
 

Overheard at a conservative “grassroots” event, “we are the sham peons my friends“.

 
 

That would be sham rock.

 
 

Sham a lam a ding dong.

 
 

Now I’m remembering all those PhD chemists at my old job who just couldn’t seem to get it through their heads that wearing their labcoats outside their labs was hazardous, and against policy for that reason (also cross contamination, etc). I suspect they thought of it as “badge of office,” not the PPE it was.

I cringe when I see someone wearing their lab coat in the bathroom.

 
 

Overheard at a conservative “grassroots” event, “we are the sham peons my friends“.

I thought they were saying ‘champignons’, which made me confused.

Also too, I thought the saying was, “Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.”

 
 

Sham rock.

 
 

Who else is enjoying watching Ted Cruz drive at full speed at a brick wall?

 
 

Sham on you people and your bad puns.

 
 

This is the shim sham, flim flam, sand dance…k?

 
 

Yeah, Mr. Amalaha! Yeah, science!

 
 

Who else is enjoying watching Ted Cruz drive at full speed at a brick wall?

I’m enjoying him being a bug up Mitch McConnells’ ass:

In the Senate floor Tuesday, Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) criticized the plan of Ted Cruz and others to filibuster the House-passed government spending bill that defunds Obamacare.

“I just don’t happen to think filibustering a bill that defunds Obamacare is the best route to defunding Obamacare,” McConnell said. “All it does is shut down the government and keep Obamacare funded, and none of us want that. That would be the results of filibustering.”

 
 

oh shit–don’t read this if easily squicked

my wife called in an order to the Jamaican place for dinner yesterday. I said I wanted my brown stew chicken spicy–just so–spicy. She calls the lad and says she wants it “as spicy as you can make it”. I go to pick it up and the whole kitchen comes out to look at me. The cook is like “there are three ghost peppers in there in addition to the scotch bonnet peppers–I feel bad for you–come back and I’ll make you a new one.” I’m all like, sell me a soda, I’ll be okay, I’ll live. Went home, ate about half before my mouth was totally on fire, and the peppers were all in the “rice and peas” so that was no help. Had a bit of a problem moving about once it hit my intestines, they were all like “no, sit still”. Ghost peppers. Awesome. But I’m stubborn. Now I’m worried. Because they’ve hit the end of my digestive tract. I. am. so. screwed.

 
 

N.a.G., you should place a similar order for your wife, and guilt her into eating just as much.

 
 

I said I wanted my brown stew chicken spicy–just so–spicy.

Self critiquing.

 
 

I, uh, I think I’m all right.

Funny, last night one of the staff said it was about a third hotter than the hottest a Thai restaurant would make it and I kind of scoffed but no, I think she was right.

The irony is that brown stew doesn’t even taste good slathered in scotch bonnets… i hate my life.

 
 

N.a.G., you should place a similar order for your wife, and guilt her into eating just as much.

Lol, she can’t eat something if the paprika’s been near it. Anyway, there’s no guilting her. The fridge is full of the detritus of her last week’s culinary adventures that she was totally going to take to work to eat but didn’t.

 
 

Now I’m remembering all those PhD chemists at my old job who just couldn’t seem to get it through their heads that wearing their labcoats outside their labs was hazardous

PhD chemists handle chemicals? I thought that was what grad students were for?

If it was private industry, no wonder they were confuzzled. They ought to have hired MS Chems like everyone else does. kekekeke

 
 

Who else is enjoying watching Ted Cruz drive at full speed at a brick wall?

They’ll be able to use his filibuster speech to etch glass, if it comes to that.

His EPIC FAIL will qualify him for a good run in the 2016 primary. Can. Not. Wait.

 
 

“You are the losers
Cuz we have the champignons”

 
 

Seriously, that is some ‘sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes’ level shit. This guy is a born con man and in another time he’d be making the big money selling patent medicine or starting a cult.

Well, what an underachiever! Cults may be a cottage business these days but snake oil is flying off the shelf at your local Walgreens and CVS. Shame is a forgotten commodity in Complementary and Alternative Medicine. If he’s not raking it in he must not be very motivated by the dollar, which is not the kind of traditional virtues we expect in our conservative shills!

 
 

His Next Step
“I want to be able to publish it in international journals. The finance has been a problem in this area because I found out that you you have to pay in dollars for international journals to publish you. You know finance is a factor and I don’t have money to start paying in US dollars and I need sponsors so that I can pay for the journals to be published.”

He’s still thinking small: this is a 419 scam by another name.

 
 

They’ll be able to use his filibuster speech to etch glass, if it comes to that.

This morning I saw video of him saying that he sincerely hopes Obama doesn’t use the specter of default to advance his political agenda….

Teabaggers. Hubris to the highest degree. No compromise, no engagement with the other side, not a single shred of a grip on reality.

 
 

“not a gator” — I just talked to this esteemed scientificamist guy and he told me that a cure for the “spices” currently trying to take the shortest way out of your body by drilling through your intestines is to swallow some magnets while trying to calculate 22/7 and watching TV in the dark. You’ll feel great in no time!

 
 

“not a gator” — I just talked to this esteemed scientificamist guy and he told me that a cure for the “spices” currently trying to take the shortest way out of your body by drilling through your intestines is to swallow some magnets while trying to calculate 22/7 and watching TV in the dark. You’ll feel great in no time!

It is very important to remember to only swallow magnets of opposite poles though. If you swallow magnets with the same poles it will only add to your woes.

 
 

They’ll be able to use his filibuster speech to etch glass, if it comes to that.

For six years, the Plague party has used the Senate filibuster to thwart progress, hell, to obstruct what used to be normal government processes (e.g. appropriations bills, appointments, debt ceiling). The 60-vote threshold is now routine, even for procedural matters.

And for six years, the Leprosy party has allowed Plague to do it. They could have changed the filibuster threshold at least three times–the beginning of each session–but have neither the coherence or spine to do it.

Buy-partisanship in action.

 
 

It is very important to remember to only swallow magnets of opposite poles though. If you swallow magnets with the same poles it will only add to your woes.

Never swallow magnetic monopoles. Mono is no fun.

 
 

So don’t put all the blame on Plague’s obstructionists. They couldn’t do it without the acquiescence, complicity, and collaboration of Leprosy’s jellyfish.

 
 

Anything I’ve ever attended that had the conference in the title was a soul crushing bore-fest.

indeed…to make matters worse, i’ve now had two presenters (twerps both) who used literary characters in their examples…ugh…yesterday’s presenter also was boss eyed which made me re-live some ‘i.t. crowd’ episodes in my head, which helped a little…today’s was a nice enough guy, but i’ve watched enough lifetime movies to know that with a personality and delivery such as his, he has some serious emotional issues…

anyhoo, i rilly, rilly want to go someplace tonight because i don’t think i can take another evening of overpriced food and drinks at the harry caray’s in the hotel (biggest disappointment is no life-sized cutout of h.c. to get photographed by to send to a certain couple of young people with the caption ‘my friends call me whiskers!’)…but cab fare from here to the city is over $60 one way…sadness prevails…

 
 

but cab fare from here to the city is over $60 one way

What part of town are you in?

 
 

lombard…westin lombard yorkcenter to be exact…gotta get back to the conference…will check in after last session…

 
 

But I LOVE swallowing Monopoles.

 
 

lombard…westin lombard yorkcenter to be exact

You’re a long ways from the Loop. 20 miles give or take.

Your best bet would be to either rent a car or take the commuter train (Metra). Unfortunately the Metra stations are about 2 miles north (Lombard) or south (Downers Grove).

http://metrarail.com

 
 

But I LOVE swallowing Monopoles.

That… is not what I expected.

 
 

Lombard is only slightly better than my shithole suburb. Get on Metra and go downtown! (or don’t. your choice)

 
 

Because they’ve hit the end of my digestive tract. I. am. so. screwed.

For not a gator.

 
 

Because they’ve hit the end of my digestive tract. I. am. so. screwed.

I’m suddenly reminded of the dress-shop scene in Bridesmaids.

 
 

Because they’ve hit the end of my digestive tract. I. am. so. screwed.

An old roommate of mine would start singing “Ring of Fire” about now.

 
 

AHEM.

 
 

I’m suddenly reminded of the dress-shop scene in Bridesmaids.

arguably the high point of that movie…

thanks for the info on the metra…

 
 

LOL. Sorry, SC, I didn’t click the linky.

 
 

http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB10001424127887323527004579081243087841758-lMyQjAxMTAzMDEwODExNDgyWj.html

“Of course Korean girls don’t get eyelid surgery to look more white, just like all those Jewish girls in the 60s got rhinoplasties to impress other Jews, not to look more Caucasian, because erm herm well SHUT UP, that’s why!”

By gum I hate stupid people.

 
 

Her whole article is an exercise in the arrogance of ignorance plus some self-serving apologetics. It’s much like people who defend their usage of the term butthurt by wanking about how it reminds them of a baby falling on its bum and when it’s pointed out that it originated in gamer culture and means “ass-rape, that is, you were completely defeated, and now you’re crying about it” insist that it’s other people’s fault that they have sick minds to read their totally innocent metaphor that way.

I bet you’d get really far in a European marketing firm with that attitude. (Or US, these days–“LAPUTA is Miyazaki’s original title, all you guyze are sickos for saying it means something different. I shouldn’t have to change because of your ignorance!”)

 
 

So all those crazy christie missionaries could not even teach basic science. Crazy christies are worth than useless. They are a hazard to societies everywhere. Tax them unto death. They are no better than palm readers and astrologers.

 
 

I guess I was asking for those Ring of Fire gags, wasn’t I?

Allegra non steroidal itch cream is my friend.

 
 

So all those crazy christie missionaries could not even teach basic science. Crazy christies are worth than useless.

That’s presupposing they were there to teach science. They are not. They are there to teach advanced apologetics, rhetoric for fun and profit, and the PhD in Sophistry.

Seems like Mr Godwin Way learned his lessons well. He would fit in on the stage with Ken Hamm or Banana Man.

 
 

Pupienus said,

September 24, 2013 at 21:39

But I LOVE swallowing Monopoles.

Okay, I was not expecting that.

Well played, sir, well played.

 
 

Love…is a burnin’ thang…
And it makes…a fiery ring…

Heh. I sing that crummy song in my band. I hate it. Audiences dig the ever loving shit out of it. People are fucked up.

 
 

today’s was a nice enough guy, but i’ve watched enough lifetime movies to know that with a personality and delivery such as his, he has some serious emotional issues…

Do tell.

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time in Chicago. I don’t have any advice because I get my relatives to put me up whenever possible, and when not… well, let’s just say Holiday Inn sucks in all its incarnations.

 
 

But I LOVE swallowing Monopoles.

Be careful. The race car goes down OK, but the top hat and little dog tend to stick. And don’t get me started on the sharp corners of those houses and hotels.

 
 

But I LOVE swallowing Monopoles.
That would count as fusion cuisine.

 
 

lombard…westin lombard yorkcenter to be exact…gotta get back to the conference…will check in after last session…

I live in Lombard. I can get bbkf to and from the Lombard train station. Lemme know how I can help.

 
 

“I shot a man in his rellenos, just to see him cry.”

 
 

Smut: Nifty how your link sorta tied-in to Cerb’s title. Also math. Also physics. All of which PROOVE the wrongness of the gheys, according to the Labcoat Pimp. (Also a band name.)

 
 

Hmm, Labcoat Pimp … sortof a bookend to the Coat-of-Many-Colors approach to pimping, ala Seinfeld

 
 

Anything I’ve ever attended that had the conference in the title was a soul crushing bore-fest.

AFC. NFC. (Don’t like the ‘crushing’ part, myself. I like George Carlin’s take on baseball vs football.)

Also any conference committee in Con-gress.

 
 

In recent time I found that gay marriage,which is homosexuality and lesbianism, is eating deep into the fabric of our human nature all over the world…

Crap, what are the SI units for human nature fabric again? I can’t get this stoichiometry to balance.

 
 

I live in Lombard. I can get bbkf to and from the Lombard train station. Lemme know how I can help.

snap! if only i had seen this before the shopping, wine and then hendricks…okay, next time and thanks for the offer…

Heh. I sing that crummy song in my band. I hate it.

back when i was attending theater classes, we had to form teams and then come up with some sort of project to summarize all the plays we studied that semester. our group decided to perform a series of songs…i did ‘i will survive’ for the seagull and we talked the possibly most uptight norwegian kid to do ‘ring of fire’ for dr. faustus..i.it’s my favorite version of the song…he also fancied himself a guitar player, so he strummed his acoustic along with singing…standing stock-still, terrified of the audience…it was great…

 
 

hey, look at that! a chicago style tag fail!

 
 

In recent time I found that gay marriage,which is homosexuality and lesbianism, is eating deep into the fabric of our human nature all over the world…

How will we clothe ourselves if the homonopolesexuals eat all the fabric?

 
 

How will we clothe ourselves if the homonopolesexuals eat all the fabric?

trust me, the homonopolesexuals aint going anywhere near that fabric. TAAAACKYYYYY.

 
 

In extra innings, Toronto mathematically eliminates Baltimore from the post-season. (The Oreos disappearing offense actually eliminated them in the preceding 4-game series, when Tampa Bay swept them.) Jays now lead the Orioles in their season series, 9 – 8, with two left to play.

Then the Woes finish the season hosting Boston, which currently has the best record in baseball (.601). Oog.

 
 

I’m in Peoria, in a hotel across from a mall, out by the interstate.

Livin’ the dream baby!

 
 

By the way, I think the Jays are a MUCH better team than their record

So did most of LEAFS SUCK. A year ago they started making changes and going into winter they started spending like drunken sailors. My little hick town was told that this would be our year. The All New Superteam was totally going to dominate and awesomely be awesome this year. A fiction that lasted about a week after Opening Day.

 
 

LAPUTA is Miyazaki’s original title, all you guyze are sickos for saying it means something different. I shouldn’t have to change because of your ignorance!

True story:
A hospital in Phoenix got a new ER attending. He figured that it would be a good thing to learn Spanish, but was just not all that good at it.

He was the attending when he was paged to reception. The nurse directed him to a van parked in front of the doors. The back of the van had a young woman obviously in labor and her entire extended family.

He managed to mime his way into looking under her dress and saw that the baby was crowning right then – no time to get her to a bed or even inside. All he can really do is have her push and guide the baby out.

He reached up, got his fingers on the head as a guide, and told her, in his most commanding voice: “Puta! Puta!, Puta!”

He had no idea why Grandma burst into tears and Older Brother had to be physically held back

 
 

today brings on the fun: software training! it will be preferable to the way i was learning it…the elderly volunteer who is mentoring me in planned giving and his, ‘click here…no wait, go back…yeah, go here…or…wait…go back to where we were…’

then i’m back home…i am going to miss the hell out of my westin heavenly pillow top bed…

 
 

okay, next time and thanks for the offer

My pleasure but I’ll pay closer attention next time. I was a few hours late with the offer.

 
 

hey, look at that! a chicago style tag fail!

That’s some deep dish tag fail.

 
 

I’m in Peoria, in a hotel across from a mall, out by the interstate.

Livin’ the dream baby!

You have strange dreams.

 
 

Wake UP, Dorothy!

 
 

I though lesbians were after carpets, not clothes.

 
 

Can someone please esplain to Mr. Amalaha that metaphor:theorem::chess:war?

 
 

[trolly mctroll]

 
 

Oh joy. Someone’s running a leaf-blower out there. Three hours of sleep out to be enough for anyone I suppose.

 
 

This is complete fantasy land thinking, I know, but just think how cool it would be if all these wingnuts spent half the energy on finding dirt on the criminals on Wall Street as they do on trying to find dirt on Obama.

 
 

Oh joy. Someone’s running a leaf-blower out there. Three hours of sleep out to be enough for anyone I suppose.

Look on the bright side Major, the sidewalk will be squeaky clean for you when you leave for the airport.

 
 

Thread Bear, in CO, they’re too busy going after the librul mind control machine to worry about Wall Street banksters/traders.

 
 

Nice car. I always thought the Alfas I saw over in Europe were good looking cars.

 
 

[Trolly T. Trollerson]

 
 

Well the leaf blower is gone but now they’re vacuuming the hallway outside my room. Don’t think I’ll be getting back to sleep anytime soon.

 
 

In other words, this is incredibly stupid. Sure, the latest Center for Medicare & Medicaid Services report [PDF] says that “Obamacare” will lead to “roughly $621 billion” in additional health spending over the next ten years. But that emphatically does not mean that you, me, and the other two members of our typical family will be paying this money out of pocket. Most of it will be paid out by insurance companies, who will have a whole bunch of new policyholders because of Obamacare. Much of it will be paid by the government in subsidies and increased Medicaid enrollment. And yes, some of it will be paid by healthy (for now), well-off (for now) young (for now!) people who would otherwise forgo insurance and roll the dice on not ever being carted to the hospital in an ambulance.

Another way of looking at this is that the Affordable Care Act will insure an estimated 30 million additional Americans over ten years at an additional cost of about $2,070 per additional insured per year. We don’t know if that is a good deal because we are not experts on accounting, actuarial sciences, health policy, or economics.

http://wonkette.com/529563/forbes-contributor-attempts-math-finds-that-obamacare-will-steal-7450-from-typical-family-of-four#more-529563

Read the whole thing, libs. Bookmark it!

 
 

OMG. WANT!

The return of the affordable Italian sports car

all for an estimated starting price around $54,000.

Their definition of affordable is a little different than mine. But I do like it.

 
 

[Trolly T. McTrollypants]

 
 

“A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind, and won’t change the subject.”

 
 

I would love to see someone put together a chart to show how much it would save the taxpayers to defund Ted Cruz over the next ten years. I’m not just talking about the obvious stuff, senate salary and health care etc., but also any tax breaks or subsidies that he may benefit from in his non-senate income. Then I would like to see a Democrat senator introduce a defund Cruz amendment.

 
 

This is complete fantasy land thinking, I know, but just think how cool it would be if all these wingnuts spent half the energy on finding dirt on the criminals on Wall Street as they do on trying to find dirt on Obama.

Relevant: http://www.businessinsider.com/traders-got-the-no-taper-news-early-2013-9

 
 

Lightness and affordability were the engineers’ watchwords during 4C design, with the resulting road car built around a carbon-fiber central chassis tub that weighs just 143 pounds; in fact, the dry weight of the entire 4C is under 2,000 pounds. Final curb weight sans passengers is likely to come in under 2,500.

To move it along, Alfa added an all-aluminum 1.75-liter turbocharged I4 that makes 240 hp at 6,000 rpm; more importantly, 258 lb-ft of torque comes in at a reasonably low 2,200 rpm. The end result for those keeping score at home is a specific output of 137 hp per liter and 8.3 lbs/hp — again, dry weight.

So, Lotus-like.

 
 

[Troll, troll, troll the boat]

 
 

So, Lotus-like.

Prezactly. ‘Cept I think I might trust Fiat more to make a reliable car than I’d trust Lotus right now. And more of a chance the company will actually still be around in a few years.

 
 

[gently down the drain]

 
 

[merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily]

 
 

[trolls are very lame]

 
 

Firstly, thanx to whomever is standing duty on troll watch. I don’t have enough computer savvy to do things like kill files. Eliminating troll garbage–especially copypasta–makes Sadly No much easier for me to read. Also the deletion comments are wonderfully clever and add a dash of humor.

 
 

Final curb weight sans passengers is likely to come in under 2,500.

While that’s light by American bloat-o car standards it’s not really all that light. My Miata was under 2000 all-up and even the MINI was something like 2400. Of course, the former only had 116 hp to “hustle” it along while the latter had a massive 170 (and FWD, yecch).

Hrm…

Still, I’ll take the FJR’s pwr/wt ratio at 4.4 lb/hp (sans bloat-o American pilot).

It would be a fun track dog if you could get over the fear of wadding it up.

 
 

OMG Ted Cruz is secretly working for the Kenyan Usuperator!!111!11one

 
 

[troll fart]

 
 

[troll spew]

 
 

DKW: Thanx for the link. My read of the Jays off-season moves was very similar to the writer’s. I thought the Toronto was a MUCH stronger ballclub. Most of the acquisitions had rock-solid baseball resumes, all established guys. (I was sort ‘eh’ about Josh Johnson; not a fan a Cabrera’s after he was caught.)

I predicted a nifty three-way battle between Toronto, Tampa Bay, and Baltimore (sorta like what’s happened this year in the NL-Central) … with the possibility that all three teams might make it to the postseason (sorta like the Cards, Pirates, and Reds in the 2013 NL-Central).

After Boston’s selloff of high-priced stars–also a good move!–I didn’t think they could bounce back so FAST. I thought the rebuilding would take a couple of years, at least. I thought the Yankers were too geriatric. (Perhaps it was wishful thinking because I am a life-long Yankers hater.)

Anyway, I STILL believe the moves strengthened the Blue Jays. Perhaps the moves, didn’t pay off THIS year, but Toronto is a dangerous team; any club that takes the Jays lightly–especially in the other divisions–is cruisin’ for a bruisin’. Teams in the AL-East know better than that!

 
 

It would be a fun track dog if you could get over the fear of wadding it up.,

Speaking of wadding something expensive up.

And the Alfa is just damn sexy, but it’d be far more attainable for me to get a Subie BRZ.

 
 

Pupienus said,

September 25, 2013 at 21:25

Relevant: http://www.businessinsider.com/traders-got-the-no-taper-news-early-2013-9

You really have to read that to realize just how sick this shit is getting.

 
 

Speaking of wadding something expensive up.

Eesh. Reminds me of the time I watched a Carrera 4S break a steering linkage in the slalom on an autocross course and go slewing across the grass and into the timing vehicle. Ugly.

And yeah, in terms of bang-for-buck the BRZ would be the clear winner. You’d have a hard time telling the difference in fun factor between this and the Fiat Alfa on the track.

 
 

Eesh. Reminds me of the time I watched a Carrera 4S break a steering linkage in the slalom on an autocross course and go slewing across the grass and into the timing vehicle. Ugly.

I’ve only seen one actual minor-damage-inducing accident at an autox, but have seen some close calls out there. The worst was with somebody just getting completely lost on course and ending up heading the wrong way toward another competitor on course. Could’ve ended very badly, but didn’t, thankfully.

 
 

Actually, that’s not true, I also watched a guy rip a front wheel (and lots of suspension) of of his Viper at a small local event by nailing a curb at the edge of the course after getting ridiculously out-of-shape in the turnaround and not having the smarts to get out of the gas and save the car. That was ugly.

 
 

Why am I all anonymous all of a sudden? I blame Obamacare.

 
 

O/T (on the actual article)

So, umm, about the comment about cost to publish:

There are legit journals (i.e., journals you would not be embarrassed to put on your CV) that cost to publish. For my example, I’ll chose the PLoS family–you pay to publish (at most around $3000, which isn’t much for an American research institution) so that your research is free to view. However, at PLoS, researchers in poorer countries pay a reduced fee or no fee at all, depending on how poor they are. Nigeria is on the “free” list.

So he could publish for free in any of the PLoS journals–if he could get it by the reviewers. Which he couldn’t. Or possibly in the humor section.

 
 

Heh. I sing that crummy song in my band. I hate it. Audiences dig the ever loving shit out of it. People are fucked up.

You might have more fun if you do it in the style of Eric Burdon.

 
 

One doesn’t often see an RSR driver get object fixation. He binned it real gud.

 
 

Can anyone clue me in as to what this troll is prattling on about?

 
 

However, at PLoS, researchers in poorer countries pay a reduced fee or no fee at all, depending on how poor they are. Nigeria is on the “free” list.
So he could publish for free in any of the PLoS journals–if he could get it by the reviewers.

I’m more familiar with teh Frontiers journals, which offer a 50% publishing-fee waiver for “lower middle income” countries (including Nigeria).
Very much peer-reviewed.

 
 

Er, with regards to Biden, that is. I don’t feel like watching the video in his links.

 
 

The implication is that the Navy Yard shooter listened to Joe Biden when he chose what weapon to use in his rampage.

Typical troll logic. Everything noble in the world is conservative, and every evil thing can be blamed on a librul, if you just throw a few random facts and use troll logic to ‘connect the dots’.

 
 

Ah, I see. So he was just a law abiding citizen until Biden came along and forced him to become a murderer. (a law aBiden citizen?)

And this was worth posting several times, Mr. Trolley McTrollerson?

 
 

And this was worth posting several times, Mr. Trolley McTrollerson?

The closer a man approaches tragedy the more intense is his concentration of emotion upon the fixed point of his commitment, which is to say the closer he approaches what in life we call fanaticism.

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/fanaticism.html#mCj42sZHGf6JPLHF.99

 
 

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Frank Offengoogles, Liberal Projectionist
 

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Frank Offengoogles, Liberal Projectionist
 

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Frank Offengoogles, Liberal Projectionist
 

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Frank Offengoogles, Liberal Projectionist
 

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Frank Offengoogles, Liberal Projectionist
 

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what is up with you and all the butt-kissing?

Keep checking back, bucko. I’m working up a reply. May not make it into this thread.

 
 

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