I got as far as “sterilization” before shooting a hole in my monitor. Fortnuately I have automatic hole formatting.

I was born to be a saucier, but I only got to “So far as I can tell…” before realizing these mangos are rancid.

What a fucking creep.

I haven’t gotten out of bed yet. No fucking way am I going to ruin my morning day year life. I’ll trust the shorter.

The Valentine’s Day card, the birth control pill, and mark f all come from the same city. Coincidence?

Me too. Birth control makes Ross cry. Reading Ross makes tsam break stuff. Breaking stuff makes coworkers scared. Scared coworkers make stinky messes in their pants.

In the end, I’m the real victim here.

When will the Chunky Reese Witherspoons of the world learn?

Actually, I’ll bet he’s just pissed because the non-Chunky Reese Witherspoon is in a movie opening today and every time he sees one of the omnipresent billboards he pops a boner. And by “pops a boner” I mean, “Realizes he’s never been able to get it up,” even with that Viagra that his health care provides for a reasonable co-pay.

I’ll just say one thing. He biggest problem with their argument, if I may be generous in my terminology, is their continued misstatement of the issue. It’s not about religious institutions having to obey the laws, it’s about religious group owned businesses having to obey the laws. You want to deal with the general public you have to do so in the same fucking way every other business.

I really don’t get the whole butthurt over this. It seems to me that this should actually be a big windfall for these people. So, a Catholic operated hospital or university must provide for birth control through the insurance plan. Now that they must provide a service that they did not previously, what a great excuse to raise the rates. (Like they ever need an excuse). However seeing as the vast majority of their employees are Good Catholics, very few of them will actually be using this service. (Obama admin says the service must be availlable. It DOES NOT say the employees MUST take advantage of the service) So they take in more money to provide the service, but none of the Good Catholic employees use the service, and wow! Pure profit!!! What good Republican capitalist could have a problem with that?

However seeing as the vast majority of their employees are Good Catholics, very few of them will actually be using this service

Because it’s not about the freedom to practice your own religion as you wish. It’s about the freedom of an employer to impose his religion on his employees.

Obama should just give in and say: “Alright. I give up. If these Muslims want to practice Sharia Law, then they should be allowed to.”

It just never occurs to these people to ask why these services are in such high demand, does it?

If your own employees won’t listen to you, why should anyone else?

I know that logical consistency isn’t their strong suit but how can you simultaneously argue (1) against abortion, (2) against contraception, (3) against having kids unless you’re married, (4) against having marriages without kids, (5) against masturbation, (6) against gay sex, and (7) against social services? Unless we eliminate modern health care* there’s no way to return to the middle ages without having a population explosion of poor people.

*I know, they intend to.

OK, I slept through the war on Valentine’s Day but I am so ready for the War on Easter. Those peeps and bunnies better watch out.

I wish I had girls who looked like Reese Witherspoon (chunky or otherwise) nibbling my neck as a young man. Just sayin’

All this because they don’t want premarital screwing, but they can’t come right out and say they want a Constitutional Amendment banning premarital screwing, because a good chunk of their base wants to screw premaritally.

So instead they come up with this convoluted argument wrapped in Catholic sensibilities. And to think, back in the 60’s they were afraid that a President Kennedy would be taking his marching orders from the Pope.

N__B-

The answers to your questions are 1.) because God 2.) because God 3.) because God 4.) because God 5.) because God 6.) because God 7.) because the Church will do that.

Unless we eliminate modern health care* there’s no way to return to the middle ages without having a population explosion of poor people.

Well, they won’t be able to vote because of the mass drug testing. Because only poor people use drugs, ya see.

1) Only poors should be denied abortions
2) Every sperm is sacred
3) Single moms are destroying america
4) Every sperm is sacred
5) Every sperm is sacred
6) OK, we’re really FOR that. Just don’t tell ;>)
7) Blacks are the worst, amirite?

It’s not much of a dessert, kid, but they are vanilla wafers.

It’s not much of a dessert, kid, but they are vanilla wafers.

And vanilla is a vegetable!

How many US Senators divisions has the pope?

is their continued misstatement of the issue. It’s not about religious institutions having to obey the laws, it’s about religious group owned businesses having to obey the laws. You want to deal with the general public you have to do so in the same fucking way every other business.

i almost went fucking berserk last night down at the in-laws…fil loves him some fox news, which i don’t get because he is a lovely, lovely man…by anyhoo, of course the teevee was blaring last night and i had to bite my tongue very, very hard to not scream at bill o’reilly that he is NOT CLEARLY STATING THE ISSUE!!! or any goddamn motherfucking issue for that matter…

the only thing that made me feel better was going home and watching the daily show…

I really don’t get the whole butthurt over this

Wedge issue
Sticking it to the nigg president
A very effective way to get morons fired up
A surge of Santorum and a passing of a Romney
…

No Republicans outside of the orthodox Catholic purists like Santorum give a half a shit about birth control for adults.

Douthat’s mullet in that photoshop always creeps me out. You’d think you couldn’t make him look any creepier than he is normally, but there you go.

He should grow out that mullet for real. No chunky Reese Witherspoons will go near him then.

Yes, contraception ought to be as hard to get as pussy is for Ross. That’ll show the bitch!

I briefly left the boat and was happy to see that Chubs McNeckbeard is getting his ass handed to him in the comments over there.

Here it is, Pryme:

http://usliberals.about.com/od/faithinpubliclife/a/KennedyReligion.htm

I especially like the line: “there was no religious test at the Alamo”

It DOES NOT say the employees MUST take advantage of the service) So they take in more money to provide the service, but none of the Good Catholic employees use the service, and wow! Pure profit!!! What good Republican capitalist could have a problem with that?

oh, crap! i was planning on quitting my jobs here and getting hired by a catholic run institution, just so i COULD go out and get an abortion…damn!

and yeah, the whole ‘this is a war on religion!!!111!!!’ is a total line of bull shit…when i was a pharmacy tech, i worked with a shiite catholic pharmacists…he told me he COULD refuse to fill birth control scripts but he DID kinda swear that he would perform his duties in a non-detrimental way to anyone’s health and besides that $$$$$!

He should grow out that mullet for real.

Hellz yeah

Ot (from last thread) Hamster Cöck update:

Pup: the original image came from wikimedia — yes, there are high resolution versions available.

The lineup is shaping up, although I think we still need theramin, harpsichord, panflute, and bagpipes…

My comment at the Times, which I doubt will pass muster:

Ross, you ignorant slut! Just because you wouldn’t put out for Chunky Reese Witherspoon doesn’t mean the other 98% of us don’t have sex!

Fuck. I have to be in meetings the rest of the day. Happy Valentine’s Day to me.

Chubs McNeckbeard

I’m unbelievably sad I did not come up with that nickname.

I play triangle. It’s the one and only reason Motörhead rejected me. Like there’s something weird about having TWO triangle players.

I can play cowbell until, well, until the cows come home.

The lineup is shaping up, although I think we still need theramin, harpsichord, panflute, and bagpipes…

I have bagpipes! And a kilt that doesn’t fit!!! Oh, does matter if the bagpipes don’t really work properly?

The original HHS rule almost seemed to have been deliberately written to leave Catholics like Sister Keehan with no alternative but to oppose it, even if doing so put the “the future of health reform” in jeopardy.

Yes of course! Sister Keehan really really wants health reform, but NUH UH if the sperm can’t get a shot at the egg and NO TAKEBACKSIES if it does. Those lepers can just lose those fingers.

Oh, does matter if the bagpipes don’t really work properly?

only if she complains about it, i guess…otherwise, they DO make a pill for that…

Thread Bear: I think non-functional bagpipes would be perfect.

Thread Bear, what do you wear under kilts? It’s Wonder Woman Underoos, isn’t it?

Also, i think that Obama missed a great opportunity here. What he should have done was come out and say that since the religious institutions don’t want to cover contraception and other women’s health care procedures and since these instutions are tax exempt, then the obvious answer is to implement a single payer socialised health care plan. The religious organizations are off the hook as they don’t pay taxes and everybody gets the coverage they want. Everybody wins!!!

Thread Bear, what do you wear under kilts? It’s Wonder Woman Underoos, isn’t it?

Only if it’s a kangaroo in a kilt.

Thread Bear, what do you wear under kilts? It’s Wonder Woman Underoos, isn’t it?

There is nothing worn under the kilt madam, it’s all in A-one condition I assure you.

smedley,

This one caught my eye:

the humiliating treatment of our president and vice president by those who no longer respect our power;

the hungry children I saw in West Virginia; the old people who cannot pay their doctor bills;

the families forced to give up their farms; an America with too many slums, with too few schools,

Glad we took care of those problems!

I liked that bit about playing “let’s pretend” at the beginning. Because that’s what these varying religious organizations are already doing:

“Let’s pretend there’s an invisible, moody man living in the sky and watching our every move.”
“Let’s pretend the fables of a bronze-age society are instructive in how to manage a modern society.”
“Let’s pretend we know what’s best for everyone.”

I especially like the line: “there was no religious test at the Alamo”

I’m pretty sure they have no basement either.

I have[after checking the storage room] had a theremin! I could build another….

However seeing as the vast majority of their employees are Good Catholics, very few of them will actually be using this service

WRNOG! Can’t be arsed to [source], something like 90% of Catholic women have used birth control (methods other than the only church approved method, abstinence). THAT’s why they hate it so much.

Thread Bear, what do you wear under kilts?

Your mom’s lipstick

Sure, kilts are hot, Thead Bear…but are they as hot as Pope-dresses?!!!!! I THINK NOT.

Speaking of Popes…HOT!

BTW, Fenwick mentioned something about “baby goatse” in the last thread…

Do I even want to know?

I think I have just the right attitide to be in Hamster CocK too…

This is how I think I play.

This is how I actually play.

I’m pretty sure they have no basement either.

I am smiling in appreciation.

Your mom’s lipstick

Oh dear. You’re confusing my mom with DKW’s mom.

However seeing as the vast majority of their employees are Good Catholics, very few of them will actually be using this service

Also, the vast majority of employees at a Catlick hospital are NOT Catholics, good or otherwise. Certainly not the doctors, not the nurses or other medical staff, nor the food service or other maintenance staff. The majority of the administrators may well be Catholics, as well as a good number of donors, but no, other than the name, there is nothing particularly Catholic about it. There CAN’T be. They can’t discriminate on the basis of faith when accepting either employees or patients by law. Otherwise they won’t qualify for any of the sweet, sweet federal or state funding, without which they won’t BE a hospital.

“In 1773!” he said, booming each syllable into the mic, “The colonists! Were fed up! With old King George!”

In the fifth row, a gentleman in a minuteman uniform stood and waved his tricorn hat overhead.

“In 1785, two years later,” Cain explained, “the American revolution started. Eight! Years! After that! We won… the American Revolution.” The crowd did not seem to catch the chronological slip, and cheered appreciatively.

We! Must! Outsmart! The liberals!” Cain continued. “We must outsmart the stupid people that are trying to ruin America! We! Outnumber! The stupid people!”

You can’t make this stuff up.

Also, the vast majority of employees at a Catlick hospital are NOT Catholics, good or otherwise. Certainly not the doctors, not the nurses or other medical staff, nor the food service or other maintenance staff. The majority of the administrators may well be Catholics, as well as a good number of donors, but no, other than the name, there is nothing particularly Catholic about it. There CAN’T be. They can’t discriminate on the basis of faith when accepting either employees or patients by law. Otherwise they won’t qualify for any of the sweet, sweet federal or state funding, without which they won’t BE a hospital.

would you be so kind as to put that in an email to one bill o’reilly of the fnn? i would love to see his smirky smirk in the face of such logic and to hear him refer to you as a pinhead…not because i think you are a pinhead, but because i would really like to hear his tortured logic on how you are WRONG!

“I’m pretty sure they have no basement either.”

I miss Jan Hooks.

BTW, Fenwick mentioned something about “baby goatse” in the last thread…

Do I even want to know?

http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/36472.html#comment-1260879

Like marriage for priests, the Church’s ban on contraceptive use is more about political power than serious theology. At least according to this interesting Mother Jones article:

[I]n 1966, Paul VI’s birth control commission presented its preliminary report to the pope. It held big news: The body had overwhelmingly voted to recommend lifting the prohibition on contraceptives. (The former Archbishop of Brussels, Cardinal Leo Suenens, went so far as to say the church needed to confront reality and avoid another “Galileo case.”)

[. . .]

[But] in July 1968, Paul VI released an encyclical titled Humanae Vitae (“on human life”), reaffirming the contraceptive ban. It turned out that three dissenting bishops on the commission had privately gone to plead with the pope: If the position on contraceptives was changed, they said, the teaching authority of the church would be questioned—the faithful could no longer trust the hierarchy.

[. . .]

Laypeople overwhelmingly disregarded [the prohibition], and bishops throughout Europe undermined it with statements reassuring couples to “follow their consciences.” American bishops were more circumspect, but a survey of Catholic priests in the early ’70s showed that about 60 percent of them believed the prohibition was wrong.

[. . .]

The church then turned its attention to Africa and Latin America—where bishops were more dependent on the Vatican for support, and Catholics, it was thought, were more traditional in their views of marriage and sexuality. The Vatican was able to keep the flock wary of modern birth control in part by linking it to colonialism: The West, the argument went, wanted to control poor people and reduce their numbers, instead of addressing the causes of their poverty.

[. . .]

[At a 1994 conference on population] the UN for the first time framed the right to reproductive health as a human right. The shift was unwelcome news inside the Vatican­—where the conservative Pope John Paul II had begun to dismantle some of the reforms of the ’60s—and it hardened the church’s resolve. Suddenly, opposition to contraception became almost as high a priority as battling abortion. At the UN, the Holy See announced that if family planning were designated as a part of primary health care—a designation that would define the terms of international aid for churches and NGOs.

Even US bishops, who had pretty much ignored contraception for 20 years, began a fresh effort to persuade American Catholics.

We! Outnumber! The stupid people!”

Yeah, by two years… or twelve maybe.

Well, as a bonus, my son got to see the babydoll stuffed up a man’s ass. So, yay?

Do I even want to know?

No. Seriously, no you don’t want to know. It registered 10 on the Gross-O-Meter.

bbfk !!! Have you and hubbfk been to the Mayo? How are you (pl) doing? Also, I wanted to find out more about your daughter ‘liking a boy.’ Can you share the background on that? Especially the conversation in which you learned of it? [Fenwick Question Machine luckily shorts-out before going into overdrive….]

Also, I’m guessing yer absence from Sadlyville had something to do with your visit to relatives? Aunts and uncles and cousins of mine in Indiana are deeply–I mean deeply into Fixxed News. (I worked hard to undermine the youngest folks–kids of my cousins. No hope for the politically sclerotic older relatives. It’s s-o-o hard remaining civil at such times. I,m. never going to the Large Family Reunion again.

We! Outnumber! The stupid people!

But the stupid people will outsmart you if you’re not hyper-vigilant? How does that work?

Whoo-doggies. First, I’ll note again, as I have elsewhere:

The only reason contraception is necessary in the first place is that most men aren’t Ross Douthat. That can be interpreted in several different ways, and all of them are correct.

Now then – annual cost of checkups + prescription birth control costs $750 or less. Cost for pregnancy care and delivery costs about $8500. This is why so many of the shitty “health” plans out there now don’t cover pregnancy without a separate “rider” to the policy – which typically is priced at $300 or more per month. I think the solution here is to just adopt another rule, one that says an employer either has to provide no-cost coverage for birth control OR cover all female employees of child-bearing age with pregnancy & delivery coverage for $300 per month. The Catholics ought to be fine with this, since the whole basis of their “religious conviction” here is that people shouldn’t have sex without getting pregnant. That’s fine for them to have that point of view, but if they want to impose it on their employees, they need to pay the real cost of it. So, offer them insurance plans that cover the cost of what happens when women have sex without using birth control, which is, pregnancy. In any given year, about half of all fertile women having regular sex without using contraception will conceive. That translates into about $3800 more per year per woman who isn’t using contraception. Let the Church pay it. Then, stick with the compromise by requiring insurers to “reach out” to those women whose employers have foolishly decided to spend a lot more for health insurance for them that doesn’t cover birth control, and let those women know that no-cost contraception is available through the insurer directly. Allow the insurers to keep enough to cover the contraceptive coverage, plus 10% or so of the extra premium they’ve collected from the braying jackasses in the church for each woman who avails herself of the free contraception through the insurer, then rebate the remainder of the extra premium to the women themselves, as a reward for taking “personal responsibility” for both their health and helping to hold down health care costs. Win-win-win. Not that the last bit would ever apply, because we all know that if the Catholics are told they have to pay more for the costs associated with sex without contraception, they’re going to opt for a plan that provides birth control and this will all be over anyway.

Beyond that, 98% of Catholic women have used birth control. They can’t even force their medievalist bullshit on their own flock, yet they claim that not being allowed to force it on others who never bought into their stupid cult is an infringement on their religious liberty? That would have a lot more force as an argument if they hadn’t been paying for contraception for their employees in 28 states already for the past dozen years.

This isn’t about religious liberty; even the pasty old white men in dresses and beanies don’t believe that bullshit. This is about trying to pick away at ACA until it leaves us at status quo with health care. Though personally, I think they’ve really helped us with this non-issue: I would guess they’ve probably shaved at least 5-10 points off of Republican support among women, and imagine the men’s vote we can pick up when we point out that the Republican nominee is running to become Cockblocker-in-Chief.

Even US bishops, who had pretty much ignored contraception for 20 years, began a fresh effort to persuade American Catholics.

and boy howdy, is it working! we have a few clans of catholics in the area who, i swear, are in competition with each other…one of my bosses kids married in to one…mother of the bride (who is the eldest of 11) was nursing at the ceremony…and you couldn’t walk anywhere after nine o’clock at the wedding dance there were so many tots sleeping under tables and in corners and anywhere else they could find…apparently catholics don’t believe in baby sitters either…

This weekend will be a very good time to be in Portland.

Fenwick said,

February 14, 2012 at 21:58

eh, no on the mayo…not in hubbkf’s preferred network, so we’re going to the u of mn…hopefully hear today or tomorrow when that will be…

the daughter is IN LOVE…she is downright giddy! the lucky young man works with her at the dac…since she’s a social butterfly and knows everything, she usually gets tasked with showing the newbies around…he just started there within the last year or so. anyhoo, he just asked her the other day if she would be his girlfriend…and of course, as in any microcosm, word got out and she was being mercilessly teased…so she was telling me about it and insisting that she and forrest were just good friends…but after i got off the phone with her, she texted me, ‘is that okay?’ and after a convoluted text conversation, i finally figured out that she was asking if it was okay if she was his girlfriend…

so, she hasn’t stopped talking about him since…and even though she used to HATE red powerade, she now thinks it’s lovely since forrest likes red powerade…and she is trying to convert him to country music. she made supper for him last night and he and one of his staff came over…over the weekend, she and i made a heart shaped red velvet cake with pink frosting and sprinkles on it for dessert…and when i way ‘we’ i mean mostly me…she held the mixer for a bit and put the sprinkles on…

i brought her home early yesterday so she could make supper and i offered to tidy up her room for her which she readily agreed to…when her chili was all put together she came downstairs and asked me if i was done and if after helping me carry some stuff out to vanna, would i need to come back down? i asked if she was trying to get rid of me already (forrest wasn’t due for another hour) she was all, ‘well, mom i have to put on my glitter spray and pick out some music!’ she helped me carry the stuff out, gave me half a hug and scampered on back in the house…which is pretty awesome considering our usual good bye ritual starts about half a day before she has to go home and involves many many tears on her part…

i’m not sure if forrest knows what he’s in for…i’ve met him briefly once, and hubbkf had supper one night with both of them…he said he’s “really…normal…” he’s also a younger man…he turns 19 later this month and she’ll turn 26 on the 25…ha, ha…my daughter’s a cougar!

Jennifer said,

February 14, 2012 at 22:02

also, please email to one bill o’reilly c/o fox spews…

One of the Chicago Tribune meatheads had a column this morning whose gist was, “If women get free contraception why can’t I get free Claritin?”

This is along the same lines of, “If women can breastfeed in public, why can’t I pee anywhere I want?” Which is actually an argument this same asshole has made before.

In other words, he’s too stupid to tell urine from mother’s milk, so why would he be able to tell pregnancy/childbirth from the sniffles?

and she is trying to convert him to country music.

If she truly loves him she would not do this cruel thing!

Really cute…congrats Daughterbbkf!

The West, the argument went, wanted to control poor people and reduce their numbers, instead of addressing the causes of their poverty.

Yes, because having 80 children you can’t afford is in no way related. And the Vatican puling about not “addressing the causes of poverty” is so rich it’s fucking gilded and inset with jewels. They EXCOMMUNICATED some bishops who taught Liberation Theology, harsher treatment than received by any boy-raper.

Yes, because having 80 children you can’t afford is in no way related. And the Vatican puling about not “addressing the causes of poverty” is so rich it’s fucking gilded and inset with jewels. They EXCOMMUNICATED some bishops who taught Liberation Theology, harsher treatment than received by any boy-raper.

yeah, I mean idea that we are supposed to defer to these baby-rapers on any matter of morality kinda makes me wanna put a screwdriver into my eye.

yeah, I mean idea that we are supposed to defer to these baby-rapers on any matter of morality kinda makes me wanna put a screwdriver into my eye.

Except that the baby-rapers (usually) know what they did is wrong (once they get caught), while those dirty sluts intend to go right on having sex without having children. See the difference?

Glad to hear about the daughter bbkf! FWIW, I don’t think you can be a cougar until you’re at least over 30, but wevs. At his age, he’ll be getting kudos for getting a real grown-up woman.

Except that the baby-rapers (usually) know what they did is wrong (once they get caught), while those dirty sluts intend to go right on having sex without having children. See the difference?

Now that you put it that way, I kinda think I know where the Bishops are coming from. Having pleasurable, consequence-free sex is 1000 Hitlers worse than raping kids.

If you’re in the priesthood, raping kids is your only way to have consequence-free sex.

So far as I can tell, the White House’s proposed “compromise” in the contraception-sterilization-plan B-ella controversy asks the parties involved to compromise their reasoning faculties and play a game of “let’s pretend” instead.

A game surely unknown among the religious, much in the same way that fellatio is unknown among groupies.

And by winning back the Catholics who wanted to be won back, the White House may have successfully defused the immediate crisis that its own ineptness created. Public opinion is highly malleable on this issue, and by dividing his critics, the president has made it more likely that this will be perceived as a left-right struggle on an issue (contraception) where social liberals have the public on its side, rather than a religious liberty issue that had centrist media types tut-tutting and swing-state Democrats jumping ship.

… or it would, if either the original policy announcement or the revision had actually threatened anyone’s religious liberty. You are free to believe, but that freedom doesn’t come with a guarantee that the rest of the world will then be obligated to play along with your belief. To assume that Yahweh’s – or anyone else’s – mighty hand will decide otherwise is to play a game of “Let’s Pretend” indeed. Public opinion is highly malleable on ANY issue, depending on which words one uses to gauge it, so to me that’s yet MOAR blowing smoke.

So the president has probably won today’s political battle. The question now is whether the Catholic bishops in particular, and religious conservatives in general, have a strategy for the longer war.

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP

Yeah, what he said! Or … or maybe President Obama didn’t win so much as the bishops actively lost the battle by being a such a bunch of fucking sullen hostile man-children in the wake of the compromise that completely addressed what they claimed was their bone of contention.

PS: All the states that aleady had – & still have – the exact same policy in place that Obama proposed are of course central to Douchehat’s jihad point.

One of the Chicago Tribune meatheads

Ima guess it was Kass. God I hate that asshole.

Ima guess it was Kass. God I hate that asshole.

I hate him more than you do, but this particular asshole was Dennis Byrne, who’s worse.

I was about to guess that it was Steve Chapman

good call on the cougar age, jennifer…it’s just mostly funny to call her that because her college teams are the cougars…thanks for all the nice words about daughter…i am lucky in that it seems there will always be milestones and new experiences for her that are wondrous to see…he just better not dump her is all i can say…i DO NOT want THAT particular milestone event…

i am getting pretty fucking aggravated at all the male dominated “discussions” regarding birth control…stfu all penis owners with domination issues*!

*this does not include sadly males and/or their spouses and/or partners, if said person does NOT think it’s their biz to tell the ladies what to do with their parts…

We are through the Looking Glass, people. I mean, yikes. Fox News was the only thing keeping them together.

“because her college teams are the cougars”

Do they let them wear stilettos and pearls on the basketball court?

I was about to guess that it was Steve Chapman

This is making me wonder why I subscribe to the Trib at all, except that I’m an old fart who loves my dead-tree news. The Sun-Times isn’t really an option because I also subscribe to my local rag, which is owned by the Sun-Times and cross-runs lots of its editorial, and I don’t want to pay for the same stuff twice.

We are through the Looking Glass, people.

Yes, clearly an organization whose inane morning show panel accuses the president of everything from being racist to “cooking the books”–because any good economic news is suspect, even coming from independent sources–has moved too far left. *headdesk*

Do they let them wear stilettos and pearls on the basketball court?

Depends if the coach is there or not.

This is making me wonder why I subscribe to the Trib at all, except that I’m an old fart who loves my dead-tree news.

my grandmother used to read both the tribune and suntimes cover to cover each day. even stories she wasn’t interested in and the goddamed sports section! her fingers were always black with the ink.

If you’re in the priesthood, raping kids is your only way to have consequence-free sex.

OH SNAP!

The more I hear the Church ranting about birth control, the more I think of a line from Warren Ellis’ No Hero: [context: the head of a superhero group is freely admitting to its newest member that heroism has nothing to do with why he runs the group]

“The more people alive there are, the more people there are to earn money that will eventually be given to me. Also, the more people there are to breed girls whom I will eventually fuck.”

You don’t even have to change that last line very much.

Not sure if everyone has seen this, but Fat Tony already made the point clear. Two decades ago.

Shorter: “No, fuckheads. Your beliefs do not trump law and/or civil society at large. Now go fuck back off under your rock.”

Okay. The shorter is me, but you get the idea.

How about this? Your “religious liberty” ends where my rights begin, full stop.

OK, I slept through the war on Valentine’s Day but I am so ready for the War on Easter. Those peeps and bunnies better watch out.

http://img62.imageshack.us/img62/7569/1251708459560.jpg

How about this? Your “religious liberty” ends where my rights begin, full stop.

My only problem there is that, for them, you have no rights that are not given by God. Their God. And therefore only the rights they want you to have because SHUT UP THAT’S WHY.

On that note, I’m starting a religion where the Sacrament involves wingnuts and cliffotines. Who’s in?

heading for my bunk…

I’m not reading DoucheBag’s scribblings, but is there the always present alternative shorter: “and by the way, fuck you to all youse bitches who might need birth control to actually control your menstrual cycle…you’re probably just saying that so you can go run around like a slut”. Maybe DoucheBag can advocate for an Old Man Catholic Patriarch Blood Flux Panel to see if some slut actual has a need for the pill or just wants to fool around behind Jeebus’ back.

On that note, I’m starting a religion where the Sacrament involves wingnuts and cliffotines. Who’s in?

expect a sadly stampede…

On that note, I’m starting a religion where the Sacrament involves wingnuts and cliffotines. Who’s in?

I’m in. Also, I would also appreciate a Sacrament where smart, funny, geeky guys have to make out furiously with me.

WHAT? THAT’S PERFECTLY REASONABLE.

Since I doubt any woman would ever have sex with Douthat I don’t see why he’s so worried about birth control.

and by the way, fuck you to all youse bitches who might need birth control to actually control your menstrual cycle…

Riiiiiiight. And I suppose all those old guys are just taking Viagra to keep them from rolling out of bed…

and she is trying to convert him to country music.

There is no such thing as country music any more. It’s just bad 70s pop with cowboy hats.

)

Since I doubt any woman would ever have sex with Douthat I don’t see why he’s so worried about birth control.

I’m pretty sure this is why Maggie Gallagher is so anti-gay marriage. It’s because NO ONE will fuck her. Normally I don’t like to ascribe that sort of motive to people, because it’s pretty ad hominem. But it’s clear the woman has SERIOUS ISSUES and she’s looking for the easiest target to take them out on.

. It’s just bad 70s pop with cowboy hats

heh…i agree…her new man likes rap, which is why she’s trying to convert him…

Your “religious liberty” ends where my rights begin

For some reason, I read “rights” as “thighs”…

But it’s clear the woman has SERIOUS ISSUES and she’s looking for the easiest target to take them out on.

omg…you will not believe the hideous evil that i faced on sunday at church…i had to go because it was our annual meeting and in a weak moment earlier this year i agreed to be church secretary…anyhoo, talking to one of our more august members of the congregation, i ended up being so upset that i had to leave before i said something regretful…only because she’s among my donors…during the meeting, i rolled my eyes at our lesbian couple who were dragging the meeting on and on and she noticed…and gave me a knowing smirk…just so she knew that i wasn’t rolling my eyes because they were lesbians, i whispered to her that i didn’t eye-roll because they were gay but that they annoyed me because they are always wanting to get in on things and volunteer to do things but never come through with anything and have some pretty outlandish excuses as to why…she replied that she didn’t have a problem with them being gay but that they were married…she very nearly spit the word she is so disgusted…okay…i bit my tongue…although i wanted to point out to her that if she was so disgusted that they were married, then yes, she did indeed have a problem with them being gay…i’ll just leave it that that was the highlight of her further remarks…which were not gay related, but none the less were so vilely inhuman and misguided it pretty much put me off being associated with christians for the rest of my life…

Your “religious liberty” ends where my rights begin

For some reason, I read “rights” as “thighs”…

Well, that works too if you think about it.

Well, I love that anti-gay folks want to paint gays as sexual libertines…but won’t let the “settle down” and suffer with the rest of us.

For some reason, I read “rights” as “thighs”…

Well, that works too if you think about it.

haha…i went with a friend to protest a pro-life rally once and her sign read ‘keep christ out of my crotch!’

but won’t let the “settle down” and suffer with the rest of us.

well, that’s where your thinking goes wrong…the anti-gay wingnuts don’t settle down like the rest of us…they usually have many extra-curriculars going on…otherwise, yeah…misery loves company…

They believe that marriage is between one woman, one man and his totally hot Dominican rent-boy.

The fact is Shalom and ding dong dilly from the Reagan Democrat heartland libbies. I’m here to burst all of your filthy stinking lies and falseness-maximated untruthables.

WRNOG! Can’t be arsed to [source], something like 90% of Catholic women have used birth control (methods other than the only church approved method, abstinence).

hahahaha. Pup Max can’t be arsed? That’ll be teh day. nywho, teh study only looked at women between 15 and 44 who have ever been sexually active. That’s not all Catlick women. Fr’instance, what about nuns? There you go, teh study is wrnog and biased and nevermind about teh fact that it also shows that Catlick women use contraceptives with exactly teh same distribution (condoms versus snipped tubes, &c) as all women. BOOOM. Myth busted.

There is nothing worn under the kilt madam

LOL! We all know that’s not true.

Oh dear. You’re confusing my mom with DKW’s mom.

Nuh-uh. YOUR MOM’S TEH WHORE!

that’s just ice cream!

crap…i got called in to work at the club tonight…the upside is i get to wash dishes!!! that means drinks and loud music back in the kitchen!!!

something like 90% of Catholic women have used birth control

And the other 10% are probably lying.

and she is trying to convert him to country music.

If she truly loves him she would not do this cruel thing!

This from the bagpipe lover.

her new man likes rap, which is why she’s trying to convert him…

Oh, yeah. Oughta be a snap.

OTOH, maybe the two of them could collaborate on a whole new style of music!! A sort of country-rap hybrid!!
Now, what could you call such a creation?????

I’m pretty sure they have no basement either.

NOW where will I put my bone?

Now, what could you call such a creation?????

Crap?

Now, what could you call such a creation?????

Yer surnym de blog offers a suggusetion.
.

Do they let them wear stilettos and pearls on the basketball court?

Add a shirt that shows off the cleavage and I will attend every game with my hamster peeking out of the top of my Levis. Believe that.

I apparently owe Jennifer a coke or someother carbonated beverage…
🙂
.

A sort of country-rap hybrid!!
Now, what could you call such a creation?????

Hmmm, I’m guessing a one way ticket to a good old-fashioned lynching. Cowboys doesn’t like that (offensive expletive) music that those (offensive expletives) make. Don’t mess with Texas. Or Alabama. Or any dumbfuck redneck. They will sweat ALL OVER YOU.

…with my hamster peeking out of the top of my Levis. Believe that.

[backs slowly out of the room] ” I think I left that thing in my car, brb.” [Sounds of squeeling tires are heard in the background]
.

Now, what could you call such a creation?????

Crap?

Whoa. I JUST got this and it is FTW. One martini coming up.

I was thinking about suggesting Cuntrap, but thought that wasn’t a word I should use in polite company.

NOW where will I put my bone?

Apparently you’ll have to figure out where everyone’s thighs are because NOT THERE.

[backs slowly out of the room] ” I think I left that thing in my car, brb.” [Sounds of squeeling tires are heard in the background]
.

Wait! Don’t go! I’ll keep my shirt over it.

Ahhh yes, you all went for my low- hanging fruit. Fools!!

I was thinking maybe hick-hop.

Wait! Don’t go! I’ll keep my shirt over it.

[sidles in furtively throught door, takes a quick glance round the room] I’m back with the thing…”

[tosses dry erace marker at tsam] “put a smile on that thing would ya!”
.

with my hamster peeking out of the top of my Levis.

They sound much more metal in Dutch.

I was thinking maybe hick-hop.

Nice!

i was actually being quite literal as the image short circuited my mental snarketry.
.

does matter if the bagpipes don’t really work properly?

How would you know?

They EXCOMMUNICATED some bishops who taught Liberation Theology, harsher treatment than received by any boy-raper.

Yeah, the Church took a lurch to the right under JP2, Ecclesiatic Boogaloo. Used to be, there were good Catholic lefties like Dorothy Day, but they’re rarer than hen’s teeth these days.

It’s why I gave up Catholicism for Lent a few years back.

It’s why I gave up Catholicism for Lent a few years back.

Mae West: Why don’t you come back to my room?

Man: I can’t. It’s Lent.

MW: When you get it back, come see me.

Okay you dirty liberals. Country-rap hybrids are fucking awesome so shut up.

Hey major kong and fenwick— I’m talking with a man who is writing a book on people in nuclear forces (or related to them) during the Cold War. He’s published a couple of books on non-proliferation negotiations with North Korea and is no slouch. He says if you’re interested in telling your stories you can contact him at

joelstephenwit@gmail.com

He will need your real names. He asks interesting questions and is easy to talk to.

The hell there is no country rap
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLwmk8nLvKs&feature=youtube_gdata_player

It’s why I gave up Catholicism for Lent a few years back.

Good heavens!

So anywho, Valentine’s dinner. Sorta tradition with Ultra Ninja’s mom and I to have seafood – usually scallops – for Feb. 14. Dates back to our first Valentine’s dinner when I cooked up some scallops with cream sauce on egg noodles.

Tonight it was a pound of mussels. a pound of scallops, a pound of clams and a pair of lobster tails*. In a pot that had butter, garlic and onions innit, with some white wine to provide teh steam. Vegetable was stir-fried pea shoots with garlic and last summers thai bird chilies out of teh garden. All that and a fat hunk of double cream brie and a baguette and teh rest of teh bottle of white that went into teh seafood.

Dessert was Veuve Cliquot. Only a split though, something about not getting too inebriated when taking care of a babby**. Not teh most extravagant or overblown of meals, but pretty flipping decadent with a lot of sentimental touches. A little butter goes a long way, so a lot of butter is better, amirite?

*There are leftovers. But for us, teh scallops aren’t optional on St. Valentines Day. Also too, whilst I am pretty proud of teh eatables on offer in LEAFS SUCK, it is a shit place for seafood. I deeply envy you fucking bastards what live close enough to smell teh ocean with a mad passion on nights when I cook “seafood”.
**He says as he pours teh bourbon.

The best stuff at the Belgian beer place down the block is mussels. YUM.

Uh, the lulz are strong in GOPerville:

Everyone in the race, according to Mitt, needs a “severe” Romney enema. Rick, Rick my man, do not bend over! show more.

So anywho, Valentine’s dinner. Sorta tradition with Ultra Ninja’s mom and I to have seafood – usually scallops – for Feb. 14

Not oysters? WTF?

Those Madrid mussels sound delicious, but I don;t think I could not order teh Normande.

Not oysters? WTF?

Sort of embarassing. I don’t have an oyster knife, she does. And apparently it’s her knife. And also apparently, I get to figure our dinners for this night. And also also apparently, she’s sick and tired of my paella, despite teh fact that I keep changing it up every time.

Now, what could you call such a creation?????

Are you kidding? Rednecks invented rap. They call it “Square Dance Callin’ “

No but seriously, country and rap go really well together. Music of teh downtrodden underclass. With teh outspoken bravado and cooler-than-thou posturing. Simple songs with that basic impetus, that need, teh throbbing go of teh songs that need to be played to teh end. Teh one or two hooks that dig into your soul that repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat.

This is actually teh first song that came to mind.

Shorter Ross Deuteronomy: Obama’s “compromise” on contraceptive coverage “provides grounds for anyone who desperately wants to believe in it to believe in it” and that’s not fair because only bishops get to do that.

February 14 is this goyle’s birthday, but my present doesn’t get here until Friday. I’m getting a Wii Fit Plus with a Balance Board so I haz a yoga companion. Wii bowling is great and all, but it doesn’t really do much for me beyond practicing standing without falling down which is, sadly enough, a workout sometimes.

The BIG present is my first relapse. It’s kinda hard to walk. I’m getting brain-foggy and fatigued. I am, indeed, bitter about it; but that will pass. Clouds is about to help me with the review of these fuckin’ records from lock down, so the whole mess can be faxed with my commentary to the woman who did my re-evaluation for disability.

Oddly enough, it keeps getting easier for me to fall asleep and to stay asleep. The pain isn’t so bad. It appears clear to me now that it was hypervigilance keeping me awake and waking me up until I cracked up. The pain was worse with sleep deprivation and added stressors and the ice cold floor in my room in lock down.

Now, I don’t need to take much of anything for pain, and I sleep like a baby. It’s just kind of hard to walk and to focus. Fatigue is not like being tired or sleepy. It is consuming like doing battle with gravity all day or like fighting a virulent flu all day, every day.

Harumph. I’m 51 today and 51 doesn’t sound right. Now 52 is a nice round number. 51 is the number of Heinz and has no dignity, Must. make. it. to. 52. 53, however, also sounds clumsy and unserious. 60 is starting to sound positively regal. I truly dig living this long, but the older I get, the less accurate these numbers become. I don’t want to describe myself as being the age of 51. This is like the ninth life I’ve led, at least, so I’m like “life 9, chapter 7”. The stupid calendar we use seems too arbitrary and indifferent to describe a lived life.

Don’t even get me started on the tyranny of the clock.

Happy birthday! Maybe next year we can play 52 Pickup. Wear something easily cleanable.

Wii Fit Plus comes with a crazy meditation mini-game where you have to sit still and stare at a virtual candle while distracting footsteps play in teh audio. That and it constantly tells me that I am dangerously close to being overweight. A great companion.

That picture on Wonkette’s page? That looks like the Waffen SS guy they sent to pick you up.

Uh,,, too creepy? Okay, I’ll dial it back a bit – I blame teh champagne.

Wii Fit Plus is cutesy and simplistic, as essentially all mini-game collections are, but there’s some pretty well designed cutesy and simplistic stuff in there. Teh Island Bicycle thing is actually a great way to distract oneself for a while and not notice that you’re exercising while doing it. I’m not hugely fond of teh personal trainer characters that are packaged with it. They are kinda condescending and are obviously pretending at stuff to make you feel better about yourself. Not that it’s a problem that teh game tries to make you feel better about yourself – that’s good, it;s just that it does it very poorly.

Plus that really weird one where you’re pretending to be a chicken and you have to fly around and land on these tiny little platforms? That game is:
1. Fun
2. Teh best drinking game ever designed for any console
3. You are pretending to be a chicken. What moar can you ask for?

Florida State takes Koch money and the wisdom produced is all about penny-pinching.

The best stuff at the Belgian beer place down the block is mussels.

Sadly I seem to have an allergy to them. I break out in hives somewhere around the third mussel.

53, however, also sounds clumsy and unserious.

I turned 53 this year and for the first time really noticed the number. I feel old and am finally starting to see my body breaking down.

I would whine more but really my overall health is good and nobody wants to hear it.

Happy Valentibble, my nibbles!

Jennifer said,
February 14, 2012 at 22:02

“I think the solution here is to just adopt another rule, one that says an employer either has to provide no-cost coverage for birth control OR cover all female employees of child-bearing age with pregnancy & delivery coverage for $300 per month. The Catholics ought to be fine with this, since the whole basis of their “religious conviction” here is that people shouldn’t have sex without getting pregnant. That’s fine for them to have that point of view, but if they want to impose it on their employees, they need to pay the real cost of it.”

Yes. This whole post is good — I’m glad you’re at work elsewhere.

This church wants to be involved in procreative decision-making. They want to reap certain benefits of population growth. Let them bear some risks and costs as well. Governments are helped by population growth, and in other respects are hindered or even broken. Individuals and families, ditto.

Major Kong – Mrs__B has a business trip to Columbus coming up. Have you got a restaurant recommendation or two? Places that will, you know, serve a Siberian.

Columbus is actually a very good restaurant town. Did you have a certain type of food or certain part of town in mind?

I have no idea where she’ll be staying. We obviously have a lot of good choices here, so she’s looking less for a unique menu than for quality. Is there something very central Ohioan?

(I hear a voice in my head saying “Is Kansas corny?” DAMN YOU RALPH BAKSHI!)

I should think Thudner would be the one to ask, N__B.

Also too, happy birthday bitch! Er, witch I mean, yeah, witch. FWIW there are several pipples here who share that age.

Wait, is Kong a Columbusiteian too? I gets confuzzled. Sometimes,.

Ooops. Of course, Thundra, your choices would also be welcome.

I break out in hives somewhere around the third mussel.

so it’s safe to say you’re not a mussel-man?

Places that will, you know, serve a Siberian.

A Husky girl?

51? 53? What a bunch of old farts! I’ll have you know I just celebrated my 12th birthday last December!

For the fourth time!

A Husky girl?

Nah. Petite enough that our monstrously large baby will soon be too big for her to swing around.

Wiley —

Hypervigilance is the pits. I watch it sap away at my wife and try to mitigate it. So much energy and repose is lost to it.

I remember reading about soldiers who learned to take catnaps anytime they could, falling asleep on a dime and waking up at the first sign of danger. It sounded good!

I’ve always been a light sleeper, able to seem totally awake and functional with no delay. Getting to sleep is a problem, though. So I was beguiled by stories of these catnapping soldiers. It didn’t occur to me that their sleep patterns might be altered in less heroic ways.

(This is CRA adopting a new name. The initials are a bad idea, IMO.)

The initials are a bad idea, IMO

Wait – so CRA is NOT a name? To think of how many hours I pondered whether the vowel is long, short, schwa-like, …

Here are some of my favorite places in Columbus:

The Flatiron – good local bar and grill. Has surprisingly good bbq.
Alana’s – A little upscale. Funky, eclectic menu.
Cap City Diner – upscale diner.
Columbus Brewing Company – Brew pub with a better menu than most.
Trattoria Roma – Real Italian (not Italian-American).
Haiku – Sushi
Columbus Fish Market – Good seafood (for Ohio anyways).

Central Ohio doesn’t really have a cuisine of it’s own. There is a lot of German influence here, so she might try Schmidt’s. It’s very touristy, however.

“whether the vowel is long, short, schwa-like”

I do have something that can be long, short, and/or schwa-like, but it isn’t my name.

MK –

Thanks very much. BBQ, Sushi, seafood, diner, and German will probably catch her eye.

I do have something that can be long, short, and/or schwa-like, but it isn’t my name.

Your hair?

N_B, I sense that you don’t want to talk about my penis right now, and I’m OK with that.

N_B, I sense that you don’t want to talk about my penis right now, and I’m OK with that.

Unless you’re me and I’m conversing with myself in a disturbing manner, it’s pretty much impossible for me to talk about your penis: my intense nearsightedness means that when I’m in a locker room – pretty much the only time in my boringly straight life when I’ve seen another man’s penis – I’m effectively blind.

If YOU want to talk about your penis, I’m all ears, figuratively speaking.

51? 53? What a bunch of old farts!
As old as sin and almost as old as M. Bouffant.

You’re an extremely nearsighted man who spends time in locker rooms. That’s what my notes will reflect.

I’m 49 but it’s not the years it’s the mileage.

That’s what my notes will reflect.

Then you’re ready for a pop quiz.

“Then you’re ready for a pop quiz.”

I wasn’t told there would be quizzes, and you lost me at “pop.”

So, I’m confused. Does this Obamacare freedom grab mean I have to start taking the pill?

[tosses dry erace marker at tsam] “put a smile on that thing would ya!”

I ditched my POS Droid today and got an iPhone. My hamster already gots a bigass smile on his head.

They sound much more metal in Dutch.

I don’t understand Dutch, but does it look to all of you like an author trying to make someone sound German?

It says: De korenwolf gaat ‘s avonds en ‘s nachts

I read: The Korenwolf gots almonds and nuts

Anybody want this valentine? I got nobody to give it to….WAAHHHHHHHHH!

Just kidding. I’m single and I work out. Therefore, I rule.

**tap tap tap

Is this thing on? I KNOW you’re out there. Im in yer base pwnin yer RSS feeder

WHAT EVER!

I am so sorry for this poor woman:

Wealthy Rita Lamberg, who told airport staff she was carrying £100,000-worth of jewellery in her hand luggage was robbed of the stones after being ordered to put her bag in the hold.

A tragedy we can all relate to.

If I edited the paper, I woulda just called her Rita Lamberg, but I don’t suppose it would’ve helped.

wiley witch, glad to hear you’re getting some rest – hypervigilance is a pain in the arse (figuratively speaking), and lockdown ain’t purty neither.

As for age, this year I’ll be 32, but then I count my age in base 16, so, well, you work it out.

And bbkf, your girl’s in love – schweet!

Sadly, I’ve got nothing of import to say: it’s another bor-ring day at work, and my brain’s running out of my ears like tapioca…

Yer “nibbles” ? I have been called many things,Whale Chowder, but none so sweet as “nibbles”. “Sweetness” was nice, but not as nice as “nibbles”. “Space Cadet” was cool and strangely accurate, but not as cool as “nibbles”. “You fucking bitch” has a nice ring to is, but is not nearly as melodious as “nibbles”.

I must try this on.

Yes. A PERFECT fit.

You’re mucking up the alliteration, Wiley Witch!!

Good golly, don’t make a topsy-turvey world even topsier.

Yeah. “wiley wibbles witch” is just about as good. Of course, you’re all collectively mah nibbles, mah posse, mah…

Wait. I already admitted I’m old.

Golem Heart, if we’re gonna talk about your penis, it’d bette be something special.

And for fuck’s sake, N__B, whatever you do, don’t go groping around for your towel in that locker room. Have you considered lasic or contacs?

Putting a smile on the hamster.

[tosses dry erace marker at tsam] “put a smile on that thing would ya!”

Having flashbacks now to the time I added a smile and a pair of little kitten ears cut from paper and held on with tape. The Frau Doktorin was even more amused than usual.
Then there was the time I used green marker pen and a cut-out paper back fin to make Godzilla, which was all very well until the Frau Doktorin decided she was going to be Ebirah the Mutant Prawn.

Does this Obamacare freedom grab mean I have to start taking the pill?

Nah. Your moobs are big enough

NO! The number of Heinz is 57. Fifty-one is just fucked up. I don’t like that number, didn’t like it the moment I saw it. Never trusted it.

51 is the number of Heinz and has no dignity,

Psst. Heinz 57

Wait til you hit 54, hon. You have no idea…

Wiley – I’m too far gone for lasic and truly hate the feeling of wearing contacts. But thanks.

A tragedy we can all relate to.

Jewellery including a ladies’ diamond-encrusted Rolex watch worth $40,000 (£25,000), a 6-carat diamond ring set in white gold worth $60,000 (£38,000), and a $25,000 (£16,000) diamond ring with blue sapphires, were all missing….

A spokesman for US Airways said that staff had offered Mrs Lamberg the opportunity to remove items from her bag before it was placed in the hold.

He added that the request to stow the luggage was made because the couple was late for their flight, and the overhead bin space was full by the time they boarded.

“We take this very seriously and are investigating with law enforcement,” he said.

And of course she had tipped off the staff to the fact that there was gold in them thar bags in order to get them to carry on in the first place…My inner cynic is inclined to believe that the insurance investigators will have every right to be highly skeptical of this story. The boyfriend could have easily stashed what amounts ot a watch (ladies sized I presume) and a couple of rings in his blazer pocket.

.

Time for an orifice search of La Lamberg.

I’ve decided that I dig people in their 50’s. They’re old enough to be wise, but they’re young enough to still be fun as hell. And, not have, like walkers and poodle perms and such.

I would also appreciate a Sacrament where smart, funny, geeky guys have to make out furiously with me.

I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter convert to your religion and become your devoted altar-boy. (Engineering diploma and knowledge of fractals provided upon request.)

Sweet! Leave your resume on my desk.

I would also appreciate a Sacrament where smart, funny, geeky guys have to make out furiously with me.

Fess up: you’re the creator of “Big Bang Theory,” aren’t you?

That would imply I find those guys funny.

N_B

I’m too far gone for lasic and truly hate the feeling of wearing contacts. But thanks.

How long did you try out the contacts? I struggled with them for about 2 months, and now I wear them about a month without taking them out at all and don’t even realize they’re in my eyes anymore, except when a cold wind hits my face and dries them out.

I would also appreciate a Sacrament where smart, funny, geeky guys have to make out furiously with me.

Just how smart and funny do we have to be? I have graduate level geekiness, but I struggle with smart and funny. Would this pocket protector help?

That would imply I find those guys funny.

Congratulations; you passed the test (although I will admit an affinity for Mayim Bialik).

I’m single and I work out.

Wigglewigglewigglewigglewigglewigglewiggle
.

I’m married and don’t work out but wish I did. In case anyone was wondering.

I wear them about a month without taking them out at all and don’t even realize they’re in my eyes anymore, except when a cold wind hits my face and dries them out.

Be really careful. Even with extended wear contacts, you run a terrible risk of some really nasty eye infections. Most opticians advise against even overnight wearing unless its necessary.

I had a friend who wore daily wear lenses for a year and they had to surgically remove the lenses before they could treat the fungus.

I’m too far gone for lasic

I would do this, except I’m terrified they’ll botch the surgery. And besides, I hear night vision gets worse, and at my age, it’s already pretty bad.

that was fucking pathetic. there were some wonderful dogs at that show.

coincidentally I recently rewatched “Best in Show”. John Higgins is hilarious

He added that the request to stow the luggage was made because the couple was late for their flight, and the overhead bin space was full by the time they boarded.

Here’s the deal: you discreetly mention to the flight attendant that there’s enough jewelry in the bag to put a down payment on a house and would she mind terribly stowing it in the crew locker?

It’s worked for me for much less valuable items, like my photography equipment.

and the winner is………………………….a Pekingese??

In fairness, that Peke was the odds-on favorite going in.

Still sad the Dalmatian didn’t get it.

Pekes remind me of conservatives, with the perpetual look like they just sniffed butt

John Higgins is hilarious

The great thing about his role is it’s about the only one in the film that can really go over the top and still be funny. Everyone else, except maybe Fred Willard, has to play it pretty much straight-faced to get the best laughs.

Would this pocket protector help?

They’re known to be an effective contraceptive, if that’s what you mean.

Pekes remind me of conservatives, with the perpetual look like they just sniffed butt

Mean too. I got bit by one when I was a kid. A Peke, that is.

Mean too. I got bit by one when I was a kid. A Peke, that is.

Michelle Malkin?
.

I would have been happy with the German Shepherd, the Doberman, the Irish Setter, the Dalmatian or the Wirehaired Dachsund. In fact, I was pulling for the Dachsund.

I would also appreciate a Sacrament where smart, funny, geeky guys have to make out furiously with me

“Paging Bill Nye. Paging Bill Nye. Your presence is requested in the sacristy immediately”

Pulling (for) the dachshund…

Vagina is for rapists

Vagina is for rapists

Do they have anal sonograms? If so, I’d mandate that anyone seeking office in Virginia be forced to get one to determine if their head is stuck up there.

Could a bill pass the Virginia Lege if it read, simply: “Unwanted vaginal penetration is sexual assault and will be prosecuted as such?”

and the winner is………………………….a Pekingese???????????? Are you fuckin’ kidding me????????

Oh crap I forgot about Westminster…I presume that it was this past weekend and that you are talking about “Best in Show?” Tossing a bone to the rich ladies with their purse dogs will prolly bring in some scratch.

People I run into (‘specially those with rarish dog breeds) are occasionally amazed that I know anything about the breed, and I love it when I catch one out in the wild that I had only previously seen at Westminster. Reminds me of when as a kid and I couldn’t wait to knock Hawaii and Alaska off of the license plates seen list.

This better be one special Peke is all I gotta say, gonna look for pics/vid or it didn’t happen.
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How long did you try out the contacts?

I have really bad near-sightedness and astigmatism. The last two times I asked, they said no soft contacts. I wore a test pair of hard contacts for ten minutes and said “fuck this.”

Just how smart and funny do we have to be? I have graduate level geekiness, but I struggle with smart and funny. Would this pocket protector help?

I’m gonna have to give you a score of “0” on geekiness…but when you’re as smart and funneh as you, who needs geeky?

Now you’re head’s gonna be too big to fit through the door.

Pekes remind me of conservatives, with the perpetual look like they just sniffed butt

Well, conservatives do seem awfully concerned about what people do with their butts, so maybe some of them have already moved on to sniffing them. I wouldn’t put anything past them.

This better be one special Peke is all I gotta say

I think the dog is being judged by how close it comes to the “perfect” example of its particular breed.

So the Pekingese is being measured against some mythical “perfect Pekingese” and the Doberman is being measured against the “perfect Doberman”.

I admit I am prejudiced. The “perfect” Pekingese would make a “perfectly” good mop.

Transcribed form the video. At about the 30 second mark, stated without attribution for who knows what reason by some GMA weekend anchor:

[voiceover] “This is an inhospitable place for cat lovers” Followed by asking a lady grooming her charge: “What do you think about cat people?” She answers “They’re a little off…[face time is chuckling and clapping]…they’re a little off beat.” Ten seconds spent to create a sense of division for no reason. Strawman Isreal!

I dig animals of all shapes and sizes, though I will admit a particular fondness for the feline and if that makes me a cat person, so be it.

Anyhoo, I got sidetracked by the type of shit that is exactly why I no longer have nor watch, (unless sports, bad scifi, or classic movies are on at a friends house or bar) a TV.

Back to see what fine assed beasts this bitch beat to win the crown.
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I admit I am prejudiced. The “perfect” Pekingese would make a “perfectly” good mop.

I feel sorry for all of the toy dog breeds. I wonder if the first dog knew what he or she was letting their descendants in for when they traded a life of running free for a place at the campfire.

I’m gonna have to give you a score of “0? on geekiness

I build and fix computers and stuff! That’s geeky. I also still love hearing “Living on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi.

There are many things about me that are incredibly geeky. Hmmpfh!

BTW she was a he, I just assumed (ya know, little dog and all). Anyway the final as usual featured some fine dogs, though none of my favorite breeds were represented. And at the tail end of the segment was the reason the cat people thing was inserted, ’cause apparently someone onf the twitter suggested that Malachy “wait for it…looked like a cat” This was back at the studio and in the company of George Stephanopoulos and some other anchor lady who looikd familiar but whose name I can’t be bothered to remember.

If I was Romney rich I would spend 15 minutes every morning shooting TV’s (or rather a more environmentally sound simulacra thereof) then a short workout followed by a fine breakfast
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Speaking of Geeky, we have a national convention of geneticists coming through the airport all day today. It’s like watching The Big Bang Theory live.

I’d mandate that anyone seeking office in Virginia be forced to get one to determine if their someone’s head is stuck up there.

Who knows they may have enjoyed occupying the space with their noggin that once removed, they lost that Loving feeling and snapped off another head to put in its place.
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If you were Romney rich, you could probably start your morning off with shooting real live morning talk show hosts, and be praised for giving them “constructive criticism” or something.

I have really bad near-sightedness and astigmatism. The last two times I asked, they said no soft contacts. I wore a test pair of hard contacts for ten minutes and said “fuck this.”

OH yes–I had hard lenses back in high school. Those lasted about about as long for me as they did for you. I could feel them scratching the back of my eyelids every time I blinked. So I was perpetually teary and bleary eyed, and really couldn’t see through the tears. Then, I got one of them shoved up to the top of my eyeball in a failed attempt to remove one (with this silly little stick with a suction cup on the end of it). Good LORD that was painful. I couldn’t get it out of there, couldn’t see it, couldn’t reach it with anything…

There still isn’t much they can do with astigmatism, unfortunately. Hopefully someday.

Most small dogs remind me of conservatives. Tough talking bitchy little runts who bark at the big dogs from the safety of a fence. Also the butt sniffing thing, yeah.

My next-door neighbor has some kind of pekingese cross (I thinks it’s a “peek-a-keep-that-fucking-thing-quiet”) by the name of “Danger”.. Everytime I walk out in the back yard, Danger will run up and down the fence, yipping its stupid empty head off, and I think, “Pfft, ‘Danger’, indeed. It’s in danger of becoming a slipper”

There was just something about that Dachshund that appealed to me. He seemed “proud” or something. Like he really could run with the big dogs, so to speak. Unlike that Peke, who, just reminded me of David Spade.

I think the dog is being judged by how close it comes to the “perfect” example of its particular breed.

That is in fact the criteria for judgment. I’ve just never been a big fan of the breed no matter how specifically it conforms to the “ideal.” That’s just me.
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If you were Romney rich, you could probably start your morning off with shooting real live morning talk show hosts, and be praised for giving them “constructive criticism” or something.

There is that…And larfed I did, did I….But seriously, to pull that fantasy off I would prolly have to be in the Koch or Buffet league.

I do have to admit that I had an idea of setting up a bunch of TV’s just outside the Morning Joe set and blowing one up everytime I heard something that pissed me off, which might make an impression…
🙂
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and the winner is………………………….a Pekingese???????????? Are you fuckin’ kidding me????????

Well, if you consider what that judge was wearing I’m not surprised at her taste in dogs. There are sofas in lower class Turkish bordellos with fewer flounces and pleats. (Or so I’ve heard.)

DENTISTRY PUBLIC TRANSIT IS THEFT!

Meh, the Peke winning doesn’t bother me that much. I despise yapyap dogs, and generally don’t care for purebreds. Give me a Heinz dog every time.

There is a procedure now that’s like cataract surgery except they implant a corrective lens rather than a just a clear one to replace the clouded natural lens. I would love to have that done – from what I understand it arrests any further changes in visual clarity, because the lens is inside the eye. But the idea of someone slicing into my eye just squicks me out a bit too much, and since I’ve long since dispensed with vanity, I’ll stick with spectacles. Even though I’ve had them since age 9, my prescription hasn’t gotten that much worse over the years because I never wore them most of the time. These days, I need them for driving even during the daytime, but there is one advantage to being near-sighted – I’m not having the vision problems with things up-close that a lot of my peers have.

Re: dogs – I want one of these. I don’t think they’ve accepted this breed for Westminster yet.

New post.

Jennifer would not like an Andalusian dog, I bet.

Vagina is for rapists

Remember, gals – if you hear banjos, run!
THEY DON’T JUST GO AFTER FAT GUYS IN CANOES ANYMORE.

Holy Mother Of Fuck … Margaret Atwood should sue the Virginia Leg for royalties.

In fact, I was pulling for the Dachsund.

So that’s how they get all stretched out like that.

Unlike that Peke, who, just reminded me of David Spade.

THAT’S who it was! I was staring all fucking night trying to figure out who the little shit reminded me of.

“Golem Heart, if we’re gonna talk about your penis, it’d bette[r] be something special.”–Whale Chowder

Your Honor, let the record show that I stopped talking about my penis almost immediately.

It’s hard to speak clearly with a schwa in one’s mouth. Or so I’m told.

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