I Usually Only See Those Team-Ups in My Nightmares
Sometimes a conservative has to go without unearned attention for minutes at a time. The experience is more painful than actual oppression could ever be. And you damn liberals don’t even care, do you? Bastiches.
America’s Dumbest Homosexual, Gay Patriot:
The Protestor as Person of the Year; It’s His Ideology, Stupid
So the wingnut cycle has worked themselves into a bit of a lather over “the protestor” being named Time Magazine’s cop-out, I mean, person of the year.
Now, the reaction of a sane person would be to go “who cares?” because Time hasn’t been remotely relevant for fucking years and the “Person of the Year” category especially has about the impact of a mosquito farting into a marsh.
But B. Daniel Blatt is no sane person and this meaningless acknowledgement that the OWS protests, the riots in Europe and the various protests still continuing in the Middle East, have occurred and had an impact is too much for his little mind to take.
In his post last week on Time magazine’s decision to name the Protestor as its “Person of the Year,” Ed Morrissey thought the magazine a “little late to ‘the protester’ story in terms of real impact“:
Oh right, Dan is busy trying to clamp down on the fail eruption of GOProud when one of the activists momentarily fell off the drug cocktail and realized “hey, our fellow conservatives are homophobes and some gay conservatives work against gay rights.” A moment I’m sure had the entire gay staff of GOProud (all three of them) shuffling their feet and whistling innocently. As such, he mostly links to Ed Morrissey (the inferior Morrissey), a man who can’t even get his web video show on PJTV and has to settle for Hot Air TV instead.
Some choice Ed Mangos:
In 2009, Time had the same opportunity to pick “the protester” when the protests were the Tea Party and Iran’s Green Revolution, which followed from Ukraine’s Orange Revolution, and so on. Who did they pick? Ben Bernanke.
Ah, that’s cute, they thought they were a real movement. Yeah, while the order came down from on high to high-speed fluff the Teabaggers and their 5 person rallies as the new hot flavor, I imagine Time Magazine’s gut choked on the thought of having to acknowledge them for all time.
And yes, how dare they pick a focus on the financial collapse rather than a bunch of racists having a freakout over Obama and the single pet Middle Eastern protest they decided to “adopt” as “their own” because a few conservatives switched their twitter feed to green.
When the Tea Party movement actually delivered results at the ballot box in 2010 in a historic midterm drubbing of Barack Obama’s Democrats — they lost 68 seats, the worst outing since 1938 — they could have hailed The Protester then, too. Who did they pick? Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.
Oh, that’s cute.
You mean the less than impressive traditional swing-back and conservative voting patterns we see in a midterm post new president election? The one that wasted a chance to take the Senate as well because of all the teabaggers deciding this was their moment in the sun. And all those Teabagger candidates now leaving the Republicans staring over the vast precipice of looming irrelevance while a guy with a stick pokes them and urges them to jump.
Yeah, you’re lucky that Time didn’t deconstruct that. And yeah, again, Mark Zuckerberg had a movie about him thus insuring people would pick up a Time Magazine with his face on it and it was Time’s last shot to honor Facebook before it started its slide into irrelevancy.
Now back to Dan’s mangos:
What impact, he wonders, “has ‘the protester’ actually had in 2011?
A lot? I mean, we’ve got the recall election in Wisconsin, the Occupy movement turning into a National franchise, those European protests and riots that got the EU to think twice about selling the farm to the 1% and those Middle East protests that didn’t just go away because conservatives decided they were bored with it and done changing their twitter streams green.
Has the Occupy Movement, such as it is, had any kind of ground-breaking impact on politics in the way the Tea Party did in 2010 and still does in this cycle?
Oh yes, the impressive snrk impact of the Hoverund 12. Yeah, I think OWS met that “impact” when the first doobie was passed around and someone said “hey, we should like totally Occupy Wall Street, man.”
And this is the problem when you believe your own bullshit. Yeah, the guys who pay your salaries did send out the marching orders to every news organization in the country to cover a small smattering of hardcore conservatives having a freakout over “black president” as if it was the Green Revolution, but it never was anything more than a media stunt, a desperate attempt to distract our mayflay attention public from the fact that the 1% were looting the remaining deck chairs before they get off the Titanic.
And then here came this genuine populist organization, which actually remembered who broke the economy and how time works (things that cause things happen before the things they caused). And despite the media and the police pulling out all the stops, the movement not only stayed but grew and became national.
I would say the way you and your owners shit their collective pants over how this wasn’t in the script says quite a bit about the impact it had on everything (though nice wording to focus only on election victories seeing as we won’t see the impact on that until next year).
Not even close, and even people on the Left have begun washing their hands of the literally pointless display.”
Ah, that’s the cutest thing ever. The fake movement is desperate to erase the real movement and has been fantasizing about how “it’s losing impact and will go away soon about five seconds after the first bongo drum solo (a fair reaction to bongos, I’ll admit). Yet it still wants to pretend it’s got a seat on the table.
I’m sorry fake movement, you failed your masters. The real populist message got through. The 1% have already deleted your numbers from their phone and decided to skip the middle man and just buy the police to take care of the problem.
Have fun on the unemployment lines with the rest of us.
I’m sure your vast skills will get you a job in no time.
Well, the folks in the various Occupy movements did chant the right (er, left) slogans (at least according to our friends in the MSM).
Yes…because of all that air time they got in the liberal media versus the complete silence the Teabaggers got. Why, even Fox News has been tripping over itself to cover every cities version of Occupy, hailing rallies of 5 people as the people’s voice finally being heard and trying to motivate the crowd to make them seem louder while panning away from any images that might speak poorly of the protestors. Meanwhile, the Teabaggers, despite having numbers in the thousands, had to fight for even a local news mention while cops tried to beat and harass them at every turn and whatever media attention they got was all about what violent lunatics they were because of what someone in the general vicinity of them did that was 20 times less awful than what was being done to them on a regular basis.
It was a harrowing time for Teabaggers, but it paid off. There has been a growing sense of outreach and the message has been received by many, tapping into the real populist worries that have been ill-served by a bought-and-sold media chasing fad astroturf movements like OWS.
Yes, you are absolutely right, America’s Dumbest Homosexual. It is an outrage and you have totally valid complaints that aren’t at all based in whiny complaints that your band of lazy ass mouth-breathers don’t get to monopolize the airwaves simply because your rich daddies bought the media.
Waaah! Oh wow, the unabashed IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION of that last statement knocked me into the Bizarro World for three paragraphs.
You might be many things this Solstice season, but you can thank your Pagan Gods that you aren’t Dan Blatt, America’s Dumbest Homosexual.
So Blatt and Cap’n Ed are upset because the Teabaggers didn’t get props from the mainstream media?
When the Tea Party movement actually delivered results at the ballot box in 2010 in a historic midterm drubbing of Barack Obama’s Democrats
I know I’ve said this before, recently, but it bears repeating: the TPM isn’t the reason they won the House in 2010. The TPM is the reason they only won the House.
The law of midterms + the shitty state of the economy (which has seen governments all over the world fall periodically no matter what party they were) alone guaranteed that the opposition party was going to win big in 2010, and no one needed a TPM “insurgency” for that. On the other hand, only TPM pressure could force the Republicans to put ideological purity above being in touch with constituents, and thus to lose Delaware and several other not-too-conservative states (and the Senate along with them).
What impact, he wonders, “has ‘the protester’ actually had in 2011?
The overthrow of three long-standing, decades old, firmly entrenched dictatorships all in the same year, potentially with more to come?
The overthrow of three long-standing, decades old, firmly entrenched dictatorships all in the same year, potentially with more to come?
Yes, but brown people are cutthroat bloodthirsty savages, Chris
I’m penciling in some time to read this later this evening. bbl
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Home
fuckingprotesting is killingprostitutionastroturf!I haven’t visited GayPutzRiot in some while. Last I was there Eric Olsen had wrested the title of America’s Dumbest Homosexual from Brucie Dan Blatt. I am only half tempted to go see if the title has reverted to Brucie.
Word of warning: Avoid the commentariat over there, they are all vile, toxic, hateful, st00pid fuckwads.
Avoid the commentariat over there, they are all vile, toxic, hateful, st00pid fuckwads.
Errrrr, when aren’t they, when S,N! has to link to the piece?
Funny thing, it’s not actually automatically a cop-out if it’s not a specific person. They couldn’t have picked a more deserving individual. It’s not as if they ignored the news altogether and picked “You” because of what they’d read about Web 2.0.
POOPCOCAINE.Tea partiers didn’t “protest” so much as “rally,” and they didn’t accomplish much other than wrong-headed complaints. The Green Revolution also didn’t amount to much, unlike the Arab spring. But who cares? It’s a lame-ass pick by a lame-ass magazine, and still nowhere near the level of stupid that was the mirrored “YOU!” pick.
Word of warning: Avoid the commentariat over there, they are all vile, toxic, hateful, st00pid fuckwads.
DO NOT BAIT ME!!! i have actual work to do today…boring, boring event expense and income stuff…very boring…i’m on the edge, mr.!
Dammit, Bozo. GRRR.
Besides, Bruce may get his wish next year, when Time picks “The Looter” as person of the year.
Hooray for the left-wing media and our comrades at Time magazine!
congrats to tintin if he’s reading
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/12/20/DDST1MECJ8.DTL
At least he ain’t bitching that shaving pubes makes gay men sluttier.
At least he ain’t bitching that shaving pubes makes gay men sluttier.
What? Reveal one of his dating secrets?
At least he ain’t bitching that shaving pubes makes gay men sluttier.
but i bet he’s thinking it…
congrats to tintin if he’s reading
Haven’t seen it yet, looking forward to it.
Bloody pity that so few Belgian graphic novels have made it over the Atlantic. Tintin’s one of the few.
teabaggers are nothing more than the repug bases, expensively rebranded.
~
X = “my sources say no”
Given the ugly form of the question I’d say that’s a very lucky break.
Subversion & reification of any truly dissident culture has been honed to a science if not an art. Successful strategies to overcome this are not abundant, nor are they necessarily a fixed stable set of choices.
OWS ignited soldarity protests around the world – whereas the Tea Party has much prettier hats & Colonial drag to match them. Driftglass nailed it: the entire politcal brand is a kludge made from moonbeams & horseshit to distract from these being the same old Republican voters who voted for Commandante Codpiece, twice. A panicked orgy of Astroturfy table-tilting on behalf of their pet candidates in 2010 notwithstanding, the TEA-Jihad looks like a flash in the pan … one with unpleasant long-term side-effects.
Net impact of Tea Partiers looks like the GOP sabotaging themselves in mid-recovery.
Standards: it hurts to lower them once too often.
Shamelessness is the only thing like political kung-fu they have left now. Even McCain’s lukewarm pudding of a 2008 campaign looks like Erwin fucking Rommel hitting Tobruk next to this shit. They ought to be knocking Obama down to Dubya-like microscopic approval-levels with such a grim unemployment & socioeconomic picture. Meanwhile a weak recovery is occurring which makes their odds even worse.
Quelle surprise! Perhaps welcoming the Birchers to CPAC wasn’t quite the cunning plan it seemed like at the time after all.
Usually the partisan audience itself isn’t a direct factor for either party in the pre-election season, but not this time. Repeated public displays of mass ethical morbidity have cost them votes, some of them for a generation or for life. Booing a soldier while he’s serving in a combat role? Cheering a needless death?
As a silver lining, I guess they get some healing-points for subsequently toning the 1776th Armored War-Scooter Brigade down, sort of, maybe?
An army of Ross Perots … GAETHER YOURE TEABAGGES!
Has the Occupy Movement, such as it is, had any kind of ground-breaking impact on politics in the way the Tea Party did in 2010 and still does in this cycle?
The real question for Bruce is, did the Teabaggers have even half the political influence in their first year as they had in their third (2010)?
Because the appropriate comparison would be to compare Teabaggers 2008 railing against the bailout…AND FAILING TO STOP IT…and the OWS protestors in 2011 trying to enlighten the national dialogue about inequality…AND SUCCEEDING.
So imagine what they will do in 2012, a year ahead of the Teabaggers.
Has the Occupy Movement, such as it is, had any kind of ground-breaking impact on politics in the way the Tea Party did in 2010 and still does in this cycle?
The fuck is he talking about? The Tea Party couldn’t even figure out how to get the government to keep their hands off of Medicare.
An army of Ross Perots…
Nonsense. Ross Perot was saner than they are. Also, he’d done more with his life besides Cheeto his way into a mobility scooter.
My admiration such as it is for Perot stems from one thing: During the televised debates, which I watched, he was the only candidate who ever mentioned anything about how US foreign policy — NAFTA, at the time — would affect people outside the US. That’s a little bit of broad-mindedness more US pols could use, IMNSHAF*O.
The Tea Crackers don’t have a foreign policy, and they explicitly think that anything that hurts the rest of the world automatically benefits the US, so they ain’t that smart.
______
* For “And Forin.”
Truly jar-heads.
Someone had a good compare/contrast the other day between “protest” and “resistance”. The former is a political statement; the latter is an act of defiance that involves actual risks to the the one engaging in it. Protest says “Not in my name”; Resistance says “Over my dead body”.
The Tea Partiers had protest demonstrations; OWS is a resistance movement.
Nonsense. Ross Perot was saner than they are.
That’s right. The CIA only infiltrated his daughter’s wedding.
Truly jar-heads.
Given his ears, maybe “jug-heads” fits better.
OWS changed the conversation from “MUST CUT ENTITLEMENTS NOW” to “Let’s talk about income inequality.” People can pretend that’s not huge, but it is.
I sometimes wonder what would have happened if Ross Perot hadn’t been off his fucking rocker (and if he had chosen a legitimate running mate) in 1992. He had the really nice makings of a third party and had he scored a few electoral votes, he could have had a real impact on American politics.
Think about it: the 1992, 1996, and 2000 elections all featured third party candidates who could have had a real effect on the outcome of the election (you can make a case ofr Nader, altho not in a good way). There’s a trend, tho: successive elections saw third party efforts pushed to the fringe and ridiculed.
Meanwhile, the underlying fear never went away, and found a home in the Teabaggers, and to an extent, OWS.
The Tea Partiers had protest demonstrations; OWS is a resistance movement.
good point…and it’s not even thought about in the public discourse, is it?
The fact is, shut up and get a job hippys.
Time’s Person of the Year is Anja the Fire marshal
Time’s Person of the Year is Drawled-Uppermost
Time’s Person of the Year is Obstruct
Time’s Person of the Year is Outlining the Mathematical Dwarf Banshee
Time’s Person of the Year is Maudie Econometrica
Time’s Person of the Year is Musicalsshoyque Anal the Marketer
Time’s Person of the Year is Aunt Sheequwilma Fenton-Disruptive
Time’s Person of the Year is Firm Asynchronous the Blonde Judge
Time’s Person of the Year is Sherry Revived the Weary Pronghorn
Time’s Person of the Year is Saint Bogus-Hamey the Big Cashier
Time’s Person of the Year is Drooping Soygtaypcipr the Erroneous Iron Great Wyrm
Time’s Person of the Year is Madaline Lith the Funny Seamstress
Time’s Person of the Year is Marchelle Frames-Darwinizes the Philanthropist
Time’s Person of the Year is Ms. Mortar Characterizing-Obscene the Computer Programmer
Time’s Person of the Year is Leeayhafsayj Rapes-Earthman the Organic Artist
Time’s Person of the Year is Tus Closenesses the Dogcatcher
Time’s Person of the Year is Ewjusecr Inflicts the Police Officer
Time’s Person of the Year is Edincurs Grandniece-Interchannel the Sun-dried Living Crystal Statue
Time’s Person of the Year is Shoojeemoopr Quietly-Hiram the Quiet Tiler
Time’s Person of the Year is Clemmie-Danelle Cattlemen-Criminal
Time’s Person of the Year is Hana Adsorbs the Chain Pickerel
Time’s Person of the Year is Lady Shoodfub the Priestess
Time’s Person of the Year is Foowwoyrzeklu Blanking the Wonderful Vampire Hunter
Time’s Person of the Year is Beenomevqueevvoux Isaias the Cancerous Numismatist
Time’s Person of the Year is Onita Dike
Time’s Person of the Year is Kludaxplibrun Yimecroued the Financial Manager
Time’s Person of the Year is Presidentboy Bumble-Phillips the Dying Metal Spider
Time’s Person of the Year is Koyaz Lorette the Leatherjacket
Time’s Person of the Year is Moo Faces-Connoisseurs the Chemical Cop
what would have happened if Ross Perot hadn’t been off his fucking rocker (and if he had chosen a legitimate running mate) in 1992.
GRIDLOCK!
Gridlock might have been okay at that point as long as a budget could pass…
Time’s Person of the Year is Tus Closenesses the Dogcatcher
is he related to dog the bounty hunter or pitboss? i forget…
You’d think rapists would not be up for Person of the Year.
Those kooky folks at Time will spring anything on you.
Time’s Person of the Year is Obstruct
So the tea baggers WERE honored!
Seeing Mark Zuckerberg in the company of all that Hitler kinda makes me giggle.
The fact is, liberals are all like Hitler.
That’s dumb. My moustache is completely different.
Mine, too! I went for the Stalin-grand.
Well speaking for myself, I like children and dogs. See if Hitler can match THAT.
Well, he liked children, dogs, AND sausages, so I think he’s got you beat, though if you can add kittens and ponies you might give him a run for his marks.
You’d think rapists would not be up for Person of the Year.
They had one for 1981, didn’t they?
Lech Walesa? Or do you mean 1982?
Did you know that all vegetarians are Hitler? It’s true.
Did you know that all vegetarians are Hitler? It’s true.
We must eliminate the radish problem!
Or do you mean 1982?
ERROR: ILLEGAL INTERFACE
“Raped by a Computer” is a Lifetime movie waiting to happen.
ILLEGAL INTERFACE
We haven’t had an oral sex discussion in a while…
Hooray everybody! It has happened!
Well, I may have to see that.
“We haven’t had an oral sex discussion in a while…”
Has it been 20 minutes already?
The thing I remember most clearly about “The Demon Seed” was the expressions of Julie Christie and Whosis in the last shot. It was the clearest look of “WTF was I doing in this movie?” I’ve ever seen.
Has it been 20 minutes already?
If I had a nickel for every time a woman has asked me that…
My favorite Teaturd picture, from this past July.
One of the Teapresentatives giving a speech that is being duly reported as Very Important, despite the media being the only ones interested enough to attend. It really sums up how tired and played out the “movement” had become even half a year ago. It hasn’t gotten any more relevant since.
Sorry, Dan.
Well, he liked children, dogs, AND sausages, so I think he’s got you beat, though if you can add kittens and ponies you might give him a run for his marks.
this made me laff super hard…
now it is time to start the sauerbraten!!!
If I had a nickel for every time a woman has asked me that…
you would have zero nickels?
The ultimate Man of the Year for our time.
Yes We Have No Nickles
hey pups…the pickling spice i bought does not have juniper berries in it…mccormick’s is st00pid…anyhoo, i’ve heard i can add a splash of gin as a replacement…is this so? i bought some tanq just in case…
http://www.amazon.com/Frontier-Natural-Products-Juniper-1-28-Ounce/dp/B001NHCHXM
Juniper Berries, Og
OG? Are those Crip juniper berries or Blood juniper berries?
Must be Bloods, there’s red on the label.
http://www.amazon.com/Frontier-Natural-Products-Juniper-1-28-Ounce/dp/B001NHCHXM
thanks for the tip, old bean…but even though i live in the middle of nowhere and have to miss out on good things, i refuse to order foodstuffs online…unless of course, somebody was willing to purchase me an entire case of cadbury crunchie bars…
also, too…i forgot to go to the granary this week to see if they have any…and it’s go time for marinading, so…i’m gonna punt with the tanqueray
srsly…where does everybody go at this time every night? is there a hot tub party i am not aware of?
where does everybody go at this time every night?
I’m burglarizing ZRM’s house.
Don’t bang your head on those fucking door-frames he designed.
god, you guys make me laff…
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.
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or maybe it’s the wine…i dunno…
Don’t bang your head on those fucking door-frames he designed.
Leave it to a brain-eater to design a house with noggin-knockin’ features!
Leave it to a brain-eater to design a house with noggin-knockin’ features!
Isn’t that counterproductive to his feeding scheme, tho? I mean, chase a meal, smack your head, drop o the spot…
Or is it intended to drive out the humans?
house with noggin-knockin’ features!
Specifically targetted at the tall ones.
Serves them right, some might say.
Or is it intended to drive out the humans?
Nah, it stuns them, and tenderizes their branes.
Specifically targetted at the tall ones.
Serves them right, some might say.
Ned’s a tall man, he’s about five feet, sixteen inches.
Sorry, 1980.
The cover date confused me.
I apologize to Mr Walesa.
Nah, it stuns them, and tenderizes their branes.
As the punchline goes, I had not correctly divined his attitude towards his tenants.
flipping the sauerbraten…
It’s all good fun until someone gets their brain tenderized.
birthday pressie
Did you know that brains and intestines are the first things to rot after you die?
Think of your own Teabagger joke here. I have to get to work.
It’s all good fun until someone gets their brain tenderized.
You’ve been to White Castle, I see.
Did you know that brains and intestines are the first things to rot after you die?
Thus confirming the “shit for brains” theory
Yes, bbkf, use the Tanq. Though if you bought it specifically for that purpose you should have gone with Plymouth. Thats assuming you can’t get Dutch gin – that shit’s got the juniper! Just btw, gin works very well with pork too. And shrimp or scallops – sautE some shrimp or scallops on very high heat. Add the white part pf some scallions. Remove when they are almost done, keeping in mind it’s really easy to overcook that shit. toss a good glug of gin in the pan and flambé. Add a squeeze of orange juice and the green parts of those scallions, whisk in a knob of butter and drape the shellfish with the sauce. Make a fantastic appy.
I would imagine the high concentration of cholesterol that the brain contains, as well as the high degree of vascularity of that organ, is why brains would tend to rot first along with the intestines.
I would imagine the high concentration of cholesterol that the brain contains, as well as the high degree of vascularity of that organ, is why brains would tend to rot first along with the intestines.
No doubt. But both organs tend to be full of shit.
Whisking the knob
Just btw, gin works very well with pork too. And shrimp or scallops
tanqs, dude (see what i did there?) and really, what DOESN’T gin work with? hmmm…i have not heard of plymouth…must check it out…i just know that tanq is juniperier than hendricks…
i cannot wait!!! y’all know i’m going to be obsessed with my sauerbraten until it’s all gone, don’t you?
whisk in a knob of butter and drape the shellfish
also, too…i thought this said whisk the knob and ‘rape the shellfish’…
‘rape the shellfish’…
That’s while you’re waiting for the food to cook. If you’re in a rush, you can just grope the lobster
you can just grope the lobster</i?
grope your lobster to
the bone
whaddya get?
smeeeeellly fingers! smelly fingers!
yeah…i’m not sure how that tagfail happened…
but i DO know if time had a ‘tagfailer of the year’ cover, you would all know what i look like!
smeeeeellly fingers! smelly fingers!
Stroke the shrimp?
Canoodle the crayfish?
You grope sixteen lobster and what do you get?
Another day older with your forearms all wet.
Comfort the crustacean.
Prying open teh clam.
Plymouth is pretty tasty gin for folks who don’t liek fruity botanicals getting in teh way of their getting hammered.
“Literary” trivia – Travis McGee drinks Plymouth.
You grope sixteen lobster and what do you get?
Pinched. Also be careful raping shellfish lest you end up with crabs.
Prudent. You never know when the olives might attack.
Ur doin it rong.
They claim to detest that “everybody gets a trophy” mentality. But as soon as it’s THEM who don’t get a trophy …
Sweet! Even though it’s not my birfday, that is being printed as we speak and shall adorn the ceiling above my office door for all eternity.
This pisses me off:
FAA Issues Final Rule on Pilot Fatigue
http://www.xaeni.com/2011/12/faa-press-release-update_21.html
All well and good up until this part:
Covering cargo operators under the new rule would be too costly compared to the benefits generated in this portion of the industry.
So if I land on top of a 747 full of passengers, hey at least the passenger crew was well rested.
sharing is caring
Prying open teh clam.
Ur doin it rong.
yeah…everybody knows that clams with their hairless labial palps are sluts!
So if I land on top of a 747 full of passengers, hey at least the passenger crew was well rested.
I’m comforted.
I haven’t flown since the new invasive screening rules started in late 2001. Don’t ever plan to, either. I hated flying before, and now that it seems I will never have a job that requires it again, I’m home free.
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Covering cargo operators under the new rule would be too costly compared to the benefits generated in this portion of the industry.
now aren’t you glad i don’t order food online? then you would have to fly it to me…you’re welcome!
Rick Massimo nails it, I think. Also applies to the disdainful judgment of “sluts” of both sexes, because again these dudes ain’t getting the cup.
You’re welcome, OBS. When’s your birthday so I can forget and wish you a happy late birthday a day early?
And Major… holy crap, that is NUTS.
Snatching teh pearl from teh oyster.
So- cargo aircraft aircrew fly airplanes that don’t cost millions of dollars, and use their own airports and sky uncrowded by passengers, and fly over a planet made of soft rubber that will be totally unharmed by a couple dozen tons of hot aluminum and burning jet fuel?
Travis McGee had entirely too much influence on my teenage years.
Helmut, left you a birthday pressie above.
And Major… holy crap, that is NUTS.
The back story is that UPS spent a ton of money lobbying congress to get this.
bbkf,
Aftre you pass out (seems like it should be shortly), I’ll be over to take the remaining sauerbraten.
And, apparently, acid.
See here. You may not expect it, but I find that beer is an excellent gift.
Soooooooo, Pabst Blue Ribbon?
You know it’s good cuz of the BLUE RIBBON.
Beer, not fizzy yellow hipster water.
The 12-year-old heartthrob of my junior high was named Pabst. Always wondered if she had any connection to the beer people.
relevant
…original hipster
Aftre you pass out (seems like it should be shortly), I’ll be over to take the remaining sauerbraten.
ha, ha…right now i am the job where drinking is frowned upon, so you may have to wait awhile…
Didn’t Travis Mcgee enjoy quite a bit of Boodles, as well? not to mention the Tuborg.
“Oregon Beer Snob said,
December 21, 2011 at 20:40
Pabst Blue Ribbon?
Beer, not fizzy yellow hipster water.”
Wha–?
ha, ha…right now i am the job where drinking is frowned upon, so you may have to wait awhile…
Quit.
Find a job where it’s benignly neglected.
Beer, not fizzy yellow hipster water
It never ceases to amaze me how the beers that in my day were drunk by old winos who couldn’t afford Bud are suddenly “cool”.
It’s almost like, I dunno, the world devolved. Next up, Brawndo!
right now i am the job where drinking is frowned upon
Passing out would turn that frown upside-down!
A friend and I were talking about an American band that had massive quantities of Bud in their rider. Most of them didn’t drink it any more, but the Bud remained in the contract just because, so we got to drink it, free beer being the best kind of beer there is.
It was hard to get drunk with, so that was an advantage, relatively speaking.
Passing out would turn that frown upside-down!
Kinda depends on how one lands, dunnit?
.
tigris said,
birthday pressie
Half-way through assembling Rob Ives’ Kochtopus but DISTRACTED NOW.
It’s like a little rape machine for tentacle rapists!
Kinda depends on how one lands, dunnit?
Presumably, naked would help.
Passing out would turn that frown upside-down!
Moving to the Antipodes would work too.
It never ceases to amaze me how the beers that in my day were drunk by old winos who couldn’t afford Bud are suddenly “cool”.
It blew my mind when I moved out to AZ to finally finish my undergrad a few years back and PBR was the “cool” beer. I had to laugh because that was always the cheap stuff we drank up on the Rez, but now back home it has been replaced by Milwaukee’s Beast as the cheap swill of choice.
now back home it has been replaced by Milwaukee’s Beast as the cheap swill of choice
Here, it’s Natural Ice, or if lucky, 24oz. cans of Busch (which I can get 2/$2.50).
.
Presumably, naked would help.
Makes it easier to label the gluts w/Sharpie with the instructions, “Insert Wood –>”.
.
In Madison, PBR was the hipster beer of choice, because their marketing department decided that PBR must be $2 a bottle wherever it served. That made it the cheapest beer on the menu most places. They also went out of their way to sponsor lots of local/indie shows. It was a good strategy. When I was a ski instructor (in the Illinois alps) the cheap beer of choice was Keystone.
PBR, also Rheingold and Schlitz made comebacks.
My dad used to drink Rheingold. He was an old drunk. It would have put me off the stuff even if it lasted.
now back home it has been replaced by Milwaukee’s Beast as the cheap swill of choice
yes, and just a bit southeast of there it’s keystone…eck! but milwaukee’s beast makes a respectable appearance as well…as does busch light…
Is Stroh’s still around?
Makes it easier to label the gluts w/Sharpie with the instructions, “Insert Wood –>”.
heh…my brothers always threatened to shave ‘welcome’ on hubbk’s back if he ever passed out…
chee whiz! fellas…i’m back to the sweater vest…so, sweater vests and sauerbraten are my new obsessions…
I feel like I’ve had this conversation before, but here goes: Is this really a thing? Drinking shitty beer to be hip? And Pabst Blue Ribbon? RILLY?
I kinda feel like by saying it’s hip, OBS is secretly hinting that he wants some.
Is Stroh’s still around?
*shudder*
I needed therapy after a weekend with that swill.
so, sweater vests and sauerbraten are my new obsessions…
Christmas sounds…Teutonic…in your household.
What the frick? That is so neat. Smut, you always link to the coolest stuff.
I already posted this at Sub’s place, but what the hell…you know it’s my obsession and you know I hafta share. MORE MILLIONAIRE BUTTHURT!!!
Christmas sounds…Teutonic…in your household.
well, hubbkf’s side is some sort of prussian/pomerania/polish/german concoction and i’m half german and half irish, so yeah…
also, sweater vests and sauerbraten would make a kick-ass polka band name…
We used to visit a bar in Huntington, WV, back when you could buy alcohol at age 19 in WV. The bar was called the 1896 Club, and was in an old castle-looking house. They served 8 oz. cups of Blatz for a dime on a certain night of the week, and we’d go get hammered and throw up all over the place, after. “Blatz” is exactly the sound a pitcher of it makes coming from gullet to sidewalk.
.
Stroh’s, “the fire brewed” beer is gone. I believe Schmidt’s (remove every other letter starting with the c) is also a casualy,i believe. I remember when the Koehler (pour a Koehler collar!) brewery was closed and the famous glass lined tanks were retrieved and shipped to somewhere or other. And worst of all, Old Frothingslosh, the beer with foam on the bottom, hasn’t been produced in a damn long time.
Yes. Rilly. I don’t get it either.
That’s just hurtful. I haz a sad.
also, sweater vests and sauerbraten would make a kick-ass polka band name…
Or twee emo hipsters
It’s been so long I forgot half the tag line, “the pale stale ale with the foam on the bottom.”
“Blatz” is exactly the sound a pitcher of it makes coming from gullet to sidewalk.
Blatz….now that’s not a name I’ve heard since…
*heads to chest to pull out lightstein*
Your father wanted you to have this….
I remember when the Koehler (pour a Koehler collar!) brewery was closed and the famous glass lined tanks were retrieved and shipped to somewhere or other.
It probably didn’t help, being named after a toilet.
It allows you to believe that four people congratulating you at your country club makes you a GODDAMN HERO OF AMERICA.
hahahahah…this is exactly what i was thinking when i read that line!
The guys in my Air National Guard unit all drank Coors Light. I finally said “Admit it. You only drink this shit because you can drink 30 of them without getting full.”
The guys in my Air National Guard unit all drank Coors Light.
Never got it.
You want to know their target market? Guys too dumb to know when a beer is cold.
I mean, really…how stupid do you have to be to need not one, but TWO blue lines?
It’s not a fucking pregnancy test…
Ahhh, the Blatz Splatz. It makes that sound coming out the other end as well.
VS, there is a bar in Corvallis that serves the most PBR in Oregon because it is $ 1.00 all the time. I must admit I’ll go have a few there when I am short on dough but I usually have a few good beers at home first. After the first six you really don’t care anymore.
Which bar is this so I know to never go there?
You only drink this shit because you can drink 30 of them without getting full.
I now understand why, a few years ago, when I asked my doctor (when I had one… y’know, job, mortgage, heath insurance… The Good Ol’ Days) to do a full liver panel on me, and he asked why, and I told him of my fondness of beer. After getting the answer to, “well, how much beer do you drink in a week?” he laughed, and said, “I have plenty of healthy — though overweight — patients who drink that every night.”
I’m a lightweight. Eight beers in six hours is enough to make me hate my life the following day.
.
i’ve gotten away from beer guzzling…it makes me too full and fizzy, so i usually go for the all-booze martini or whatnot…hubbkf is not much of a beer drinker either, but when we do it’s either surly or some other dark, hoppy concotion…the son has a housemate who works for surly and gets to bring home the bent and dents, so we always have plenty on hand…
and you know what? you just can’t beat an ice-cold grain belt premium…
Which bar is this so I know to go there? Gotta get the car pointed in the right direction! Is there parking?
i’ve gotten away from beer guzzling
I gave up drinking.
I gave it up last night, and I’ll give it up again tonight, and possibly tomorrow night…man’s gotta sleep sometime.
Is this really a thing? Drinking shitty beer to be hip? And Pabst Blue Ribbon? RILLY?
I blame David Lynch.
I’m with bbkf. Beer is great and I love the craft beer explosion but when I want to get my grown-man on its all about the liquor.
I’m probably in a minority here, but it seems to me that posts as long as volume 23 of the Enc. Brit. put a damper on the snark. Brevity — soul of wit — and so on.
There is a time and a place for cheap beer. When you are going on a rafting trip, or floating down a river in an inner tube, cheap beer in cans is just what the doctor ordered. I drink better beer when the situation allows, but I can enjoy a PBR or a Coors light under the right circumstances.
*sipping herbal tea quietly*
A vocal minority, Stag.
There is a time and a place for cheap beer
Yes. The time is 3AM and the place is the front seat of my car after a stop at the 7-11 because the bars are closed.
OBS, it’s the Peacock and I love it because I’m a sucker for karaoke and sing some mean classic rock. The KJ is great and the sound system kicks ass. Sure it’s a dive but it’s a fun dive.
I thought karaoke was when people shouldn’t drink got together with people who shouldn’t sing.
tigris said,
birthday pressie
Sealing Cat now assembled and affixed to ceiling.
Let’s see how long until the Frau Doktorin notices!
I’ve always wanted to try singing karaoke. Only way I’d do it is to be shitfaced.
Karaoke is very satisfying when you’re drunk enough and positively excruciating when you’re not.
I thought karaoke was when people shouldn’t drink got together with people who shouldn’t sing.
And that’s just the tables for one.
Sealing Cat now assembled and affixed to ceiling.
Let’s see how long until the Frau Doktorin notices!
and once again, the talk turns to POOP!
I thought karaoke was when people shouldn’t drink got together with people who shouldn’t sing.
Oh yeah, there are some cringe-worthy singers but there are some really good ones as well. I can nail Sultans of Swing and Cinnamon Girl (among a few dozen others) and there are some regulars there that are better than a lot of people who are on the radio.
I can nail Sultans of Swing and Cinnamon Girl (among a few dozen others)
so, vs…you’re going to swing by and pick me up? this and buck pbrs sounds too good to pass up!
Let’s see how long until the Frau Doktorin notices!
Hee hee, please share her response!
I thought Karaoke was a game. The object is to sing the worst song as possible as technically well and as sincerely as possible. You lose if the crowd figures out what you are doing. Much of the Neil Diamond and Barry Manilow canon is excellent for this game.
I thought Karaoke was a game.
i’ve always wanted to make it more of a game…like the gong show…when people really suck, they get gonged…but whoever is the gong-er has to a)finish the song or b) buy the gong-ee a beer
i think it would add much, much enjoyment to the already beloved karaoke…(and i said ‘karaoke’ in a cheezy japanese accent, i will admit it)
This one’s never on the list.
I thought Karaoke was a game.
It is, much like Russian Roulette is a game
Y’all will have to wait, I am out of town for a couple of weeks.
Y’all will have to wait, I am out of town for a couple of weeks
Leave the key under the mat. You wouldn’t want to come back to a broken window
Y’all will have to wait, I am out of town for a couple of weeks.
you place much faith in our navigating skillz…
Ah yes, The Peacock. I can’t knock the Peacock, I’ve spent many a fun evening there over the years. I didn’t know they did the $1 PBR thing though, which shows you how much attention I pay to PBR.
Life is too short to drink crap beer. And there are plenty of places that make good beer in cans for those occasions that bottles are a bad idea.
Life is too short to drink crap beer.
i have a bar patron who is whizzed off because we don’t have old mil light in a can…most of our beers (cept for heinie, sam adams, corona, etc.) are the same frigging price! and we dont’ do cans…so, all i can surmise is that besides being a cheapass, he actually LIKES the taste of old milwaukee light in a can…derp…
I imagine that goes double for the audience.
I’ll be there with bells on! (Where will be the surprise!)
I’ll be there with bells on! (Where will be the surprise!)
i’ll be the one standing there waiting…
I like a good craft beer, or impert, but I’m not too picky. I’ll drink pretty much whatever is there if I’m thirsty enough, but I absolutely draw the line at Coors Light (CL, or Cheerleader beer, as they call it where I came from). Nasty, watery, tasteless, bleah!
Absolutely the worst ads imaginable, too. I mean, seriously, the only feature of your product you can think of to feature in your multi-million-dollar NFL TV ads is that it is somehow…colder?…than other beers? Really? Are we never supposed to ask whether that might have something to do with, y’know, your refrigerator, maybe?
Hee hee, please share her response!
THere is just enough room inside the See-Ling cat to conceal a webcam…
it seems to me that posts as long as volume 23 of the Enc. Brit. put a damper on the snark
The food here is no good! And the servings are so large!
What the frick? That is so neat.
Rob does a Flying Spaghetti Monster too.
again with the relevancy: even BETTAR than karaoke!
I’ve always wanted to try singing karaoke. Only way I’d do it is to be shitfaced.
WORST time for singing. Try enough of a buzz to open your legs and GO DO IT. It’s fun as hell. People who don’t like karaoke are bad at liking stuff.
also, i’m adding sir paul mctwatney to my list of people imma junk punch…the reason? simply this…if i hear it one more frigging time, there will be bloodshed…
Try enough of a buzz to open your legs and GO DO IT.
wait? i thought karaoke was singing?
I need more than a buzz to open my legs!
No, but tht actually makes sense to me, tsam.
Absolutely the worst ads imaginable, too. I mean, seriously, the only feature of your product you can think of to feature in your multi-million-dollar NFL TV ads is that it is somehow…colder?…than other beers? Really? Are we never supposed to ask whether that might have something to do with, y’know, your refrigerator, maybe?
I especially like the cans that tell you how cold the beer is. See, I have no feeling in my hands due to a certain compulsion I have, and I really need a beer to tell me if it is cold enough to drink without barfing.
wait? i thought karaoke was singing?
Yer doin it rong.
Yer doin it rong.
oh, so…yer saying to get a slight buzz so that you can master the shania twain stance while you belt out her greatest hits?
also, too…my radio is totes making up for making me listen to bad paul mctwatney christmas music by plaing josh groban’s o, holy night…
also, i’m adding sir paul mctwatney to my list of people imma junk punch
Aw, come on…you can’t blame him for saying to himself “What if I wrote the single godawfulest Christmas song ever and released it as a single? You think the chumps would be dumb enough to turn it into an instant classic just because, you know, Beatles?”
I mean, it *had* to be a joke on us!
oh, so…yer saying to get a slight buzz so that you can master the shania twain stance while you belt out her greatest hits?
Just enough of a buzz to have the courage to sing, but still only see a single set of lyrics. By my experience, that’s the uber-horny phase of my buzzedness. I’m guessing it’s the same for wimmin.
oh, so…yer saying to get a slight buzz so that you can master the shania twain stance while you belt out her greatest hits?
Just enough of a buzz to have the courage to sing, but still only see a single set of lyrics. By my experience, that coincides with the uber-horny phase of my buzzedness. I’m guessing it’s the same for wimmin.
Just enough of a buzz to have the courage to sing, but still only see a single set of lyrics.
oh, come on! am i the only person here who has noticed that shania twain could only sing with her legs open?!?!? what kind of freaks are you people?
By my experience, that’s the uber-horny phase of my buzzedness
oh…people need booze to feel like that? i AM doing it rong!
tsam doubly horny now?
that’s the uber-horny phase of my buzzedness. I’m guessing it’s the same for wimmin.
Boy, have YOU got a lot ot learn about life.
oh, come on! am i the only person here who has noticed that shania twain could only sing with her legs open?!?!?
Where does she hold the mic, btw?
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Where does she hold the mic, btw?
Just above the ballsack.
oh…people need booze to feel like that? i AM doing it rong!
There’s horny…which all of us generally are, and then there is “bad decision horny”, where the ugliest and most annoying of people suddenly don’t look so bad after all.
oh, come on! am i the only person here who has noticed that shania twain could only sing with her legs open?!?!? what kind of freaks are you people?
I noticed and I immensely enjoyed it.
am i the only person here who has noticed that shania twain could only sing with her legs open?!?!?
Wait…she sings when she does that?
There’s horny…which all of us generally are, and then there is “bad decision horny”, where the ugliest and most annoying of people suddenly don’t look so bad after all.
STOP JUDGING ME!!!
but I absolutely draw the line at Coors Light
Coors Light is like having sex in a rowboat. They’re both fucking close to water.
You just take some acid too and then everyone looks terrible but the music gets way more interesting.
Are we still talking beer? I rate for beer in cans. It’s a hippie dippy enviro less weight in packaging thing.
oh, come on! am i the only person here who has noticed that shania twain could only sing with her legs open?!?!?
Once Shania Law is in place, we’ll all have to sing like that.
Wait…she sings when she does that?
oh, sweet mystery of life at last I’ve found you!
Wait. Acid trip karaoke?!?! OMG.
You just sing the guitar parts from Neu songs.
Do. Not. Want.
Acid trip karaoke?!?!
better than acid wash jeans…
Imagine the emotional power of a “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” duet.
tsam doubly horny now?
Mayyyybe….
Hm. Thread killed by my horndoggedness.
Nah, it was the acid-washed jeans. They ruin everything. THANKS, BBKF!
I prefer to blame the PBR.
Blaming the PBR. Also and too.
and as such…yer welcome!!!
katy perry’s rendition of ‘white christmas’ is killing more than my thread…
I say this all the time but “so I’m offering this simple phrase” just slays me.
fun fact: my son thinks christina aguilara is the ugliest woman in the world…
That’s rude. Ann Coulter is MUCH uglier than Christina.
Nah, it was the acid-washed jeans. They ruin everything. THANKS, BBKF!
Yeah, THANKS, BBFK. Now my singing boner is GONE
Now my singing boner is GONE
what about your singing mouth, tsam?
That’s rude. Ann Coulter is MUCH uglier than Christina.
also, i don’t think he knows from ann coulter…and i’m not going to clue him in either…his faith in humanity is little to nil as it is…
Singing mouth needs moar drinks.
We will never know if Christina is ugly or not, because we will never know what she really looks like. Even by Hollywood standards she is overwhelmed with artifice, from the surgery to the make-up that would make a transgendered hooker blush. We’ll never know.
One thing I do know is that even though she has an impressive range, her gratuitous vocal acrobatics make my ass want to work buttonholes.
When Christina was young, she was very pretty.
Wait–work buttonholes? Please post pics, because I have no idea what this means.
Wait–work buttonholes? Please post pics, because I have no idea what this means.
yeah…
There’s only one song to sing for karaoke: Stand By Your Man.
Don’t even bother with anything else.
Not that this really matters, but my friends did some video work for Christina A and they say she was a very pleasant person, easy to work with, as opposed to certain other performers.
And re: hipsters: there’s this commercial on Bravo with the shouting guy for some new show about some guy named Brad, and every time I’ve seen it my reaction has been the same – to say, aloud, “fucking hipster doofus.”
Fun karaoke story: In a past life, the boss was really into mandatory “fun” for team-building, so we traveled in buses halfway across the state to meet our hardware mfg bretheren from the other side at a crappy bar in a crappy little town (famous for a TV series associated with it), drink beer and sing karaoke. Two highlights from the show: 1) A director-level dude who cannot. sing. at. all. but loves karaoke singing some stupid song while my co-worker urged him to DIAF at the top of his lungs and 2) the boss and his secretary singing a duet of “Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw”.
The boss divorced his wife and married the secretary not long after.
I’d rather have a root canal with no painkiller, thanks.
bbkf said,
December 22, 2011 at 1:58
fun fact: my son thinks christina aguilara is the ugliest woman in the world…
tsam said,
December 22, 2011 at 2:00
That’s rude. Ann Coulter is MUCH uglier than Christina.
Apples and oranges.
+1 DKW, beer is great in cans and I’m glad we’re seeing more GOOD beer in cans now.
speaking of…
OK—cheap beer. Around here if you go to a supermarket, the beer coolers are always along one wall, expensive stuff at one end, getting cheaper and cheaper as you go along. If you go past the cheap end, there will usually be a door where you can go in back behind the display case, where you will find stacks of cases of 11-oz stubby bottles for about the same price as a 12-pack of the cheap stuff in the front case. It’s never the same “brands” twice in a row, but they’re all Lucky Lager, because they have those little rebus puzzles on the inside of the cap—theory being, I guess, if you’re too drunk to figure them out, it’s time to quit.
When we had “Beer” beer here (beer beer here…snerk) it was the same stuff. It’s not terrible, better than Budweiser or Coors for damn sure.
Oh, and I’m willing to drink pop out of a can, but I guess it’s the alcohol in beer that extracts that aluminum taste so effectively—just revolting.
It’s an odd thing, the way hipsters go for the PBR in fucking Portland fer chrissake. You can’t swing a cat in Portland without hitting a brewpub. A fine, fine, brewpub.
And here’s Troofy bragging about being a Kochsucker.
You follow the statistics, PM? I’ve lost track, but as of a couple of years ago, 25% of the microbreweries in the country were in Washington, and about 20% in Oregon.
I knew an absolutely putrid early ’70s ballad (Precious and Few) that I could sing letter-perfect because it happened to be in the key I can sing best in. I couldn’t sing it with sincerity, though.
Re: work buttonholes. I think that may be a Southernism I picked up from somebody else. I think it just means it makes your asshole pucker…which is not something I want to see illustrated.
It doesn’t matter how well one can sing. Volume makes up for quality. That’s what I keep telling myself.
Rev. Battleaxe, I saw that earlier and came over here to copy the famous “bookmark it libs!” post over there but I couldn’t find it. O’l twoofy is as obnoxious as ever and just as deluded.
Volume makes up for quality.
I’ve learned this when singing Sweet Emotion and Black Betty, but the crowd loves ’em.
I take it that’s “Veritas”
He’s…a piece of work.
He’s…a piece of work.
Shoddy work, produced by child labor in an unventilated factory with no fire stairs.
I find the discarded can carcasses of all the cheap beers mentioned above in my woods every hunting season.
Apparently, altho’ the hunters are not s’posed to be hunting on my land (as they have not asked, nor do I wish to be shot while planting daffodils by the stream), the huntin’ dawgs do like their cheap, cheap beer.
And sincere karaoke? Awesome. SO and I karaoke on cruises*, and we always love the one person belting out “The Rose” so she can say she’s “performed” on a cruise. Last time, whomever was signed up to do it (I swear, someone does it every time) chickened out, so I did it, with deep, abiding sincerity. Then we ruined it by doing “I Got You, Babe” in our Sonny and Cher voices.
(SO also does a great Willie Nelson, Bobby Darin, and most notably, Elvis. He’s 5’8″, with almost waist-length silver-white hair and a beard, and is going to look like Santa in a few years, but when he croons, middle-aged women swoon.)
*These two stories may give people the mistaken idea we are rich. We aren’t, we’re just retired, with lots of time on our hands and living in a cheap part of the state.
I dunno what up with teh Xtina hate. Sure she was pretty hawt in that really slutty way in teh earlier days, but I find her much moar attractive now, after she’s had a kid.
Okay, maybe her brutalizing songs with beyond extraneous and ludcirous vocal flares warrants some bashing. I’ve always been a fan of teh idea of “flaunt it if you’ve got it” but sometimes there’s just one high note trill flourish too many. Or maybe several dozen too many.
speaking of,,,
Creemore is my go to lager because it comes in cans. Still looking for a good dark as teh Hockley Valley stuff doesn’t really do it for me. At home, I am still drinking Guiness as my stout – that draft-flow widget is pretty amazeballs – and Kilkenny and Newcastle Brown as my ales.
Also too, re:”so I’m offering this simple phrase” – Ultra Ninja has a sad. Srsly, what type of douchebag goes out of their way to exclude babbies having their first Christmases?
Ya gotta get loud for Metallica too.
TEH FUCHING FERRETS DEMAND SATISFACTIEN AND WILL NOT REST UNTIL JOHN MCCANE AND SARA PALING GET THERE BUCKWHEATS.
Srsly, what type of douchebag goes out of their way to exclude babbies having their first Christmases?
Drunk ones who don’t want their martinis knocked over by anyone but themselves? Embittered songwriters trying to concentrate? John McCain?
It’s kinda liek if at teh end of A Christmas Carol, Tiny Tim were to say “God bless us, every one! Except Peter. Just because.”
Fuck Peter.
I find the discarded can carcasses of all the cheap beers mentioned above in my woods every hunting season.
Drunk people with high-powered rifles. I mean really, what could possibly go wrong?
OMG Lony Martello *swoon*
MERRY FUCHING FERRETMAS TO LONNY MARTELLO
One thing I do know is that even though she has an impressive range, her gratuitous vocal acrobatics make my ass want to work buttonholes.
That is one charming turn of phrase there, vs. Can I borrow it?
Also too, re:”so I’m offering this simple phrase” – Ultra Ninja has a sad. Srsly, what type of douchebag goes out of their way to exclude babbies having their first Christmases?
What part of “From one to 92” excludes babies? “One” implies anything up to one year old.
Now, 92 excludes your mom…unless someone leaves the pile.
I will be spending the next 7or so hours in the car. Many pigs will die.
I will be spending the next 7or so hours in the car.
Are we there yet?
vacuumslayertse said,
December 22, 2011 at 14:32
I will be spending the next 7or so hours in the car. Many pigs will die.
I can’t believe your driving is that bad.
LOL
Many pigs will die.
Mmmmmmmmmmm…bacon.
What part of “From one to 92? excludes babies? “One” implies anything up to one year old.
Does not times one million no touchbacks. d00d, an eight month old is not one year old. It may be “almost one”, liek how a nine years and eight month old is “almost ten”. Ages are always rounded down – srsly, what do you say when you’re asked how old you are? Other than “none of your business” or “old enough to know better” or “is there a senior’s discount?”
Also too, “from one to ninety two” is a very specific range. Liek how your little blue pills promise from two to four hours of functionality but everything starts drooping again after eighty minutes – that’s outside teh range and not normal for folks who haven’t developed a resistance from serious sildenafil abuse.
Re: work buttonholes…. I think it just means it makes your asshole pucker…which is not something I want to see illustrated.
Just picture the opposite of teh goatse guy.
what do you say when you’re asked how old you are?
a) “Old enough to be your father, if the dog hadn’t beaten me up the stairs”
b) I round up, since it’s my x+1st year on the planet.
I think it just means it makes your asshole pucker
In the Air Force we used the term “pucker factor” to describe how scary a particular situation was.
If it was really scary we’d say something like “I was sucking the seat cushion up” or “It took them an hour to pull the seat cushion out of my butt afterwords”.
Just picture the opposite of teh goatse guy.
Or any of the anal retentives around this place.
Also re:karaoke
For all you haters out there, I fucking dare you to not sing along.
Just a small town girl,,,
b) I round up, since it’s my x+1st year on the planet.
You are teh only one that does then.
I fucking dare you to not sing along.
The sound of a thousand cats* being run through an industrial wood-chipper would still sound better than my singing voice. So not gonna happen.
*No actual cats were harmed in the making of this metaphor.
Sometimes it’s not about making music or creating art. Sometimes it’s just about doing stuff that feels good. When I sing, I’ve got Leonard Cohen’s vocal range combined with Celine Dion’s self-awareness and restraint – but they’re both Grammy winners so wev.
The sound of a thousand cats* being run through an industrial wood-chipper would still sound better than my singing voice.
One of the ways you can tell Mini__B is a baby: he’s the only person in the world, including me, who wants to hear me sing.
Also, blogwhore: THOUSANDS DIE! COOL SEMI-RELATED PICTURE AVAILABLE!
I like doing Leo Kottke’s arrangement of “8 Miles High” but I always remember his description of his singing voice as “goose farts in a cold north wind” and try not to sing that way.
You are teh only one that does then.
Not really, altho most wait until after six months into the year to round up.
The sound of a thousand cats* being run through an industrial wood-chipper would still sound better than my singing voice.
Kim Carnes? Is that you?
Karaoke was originally just another opportunity for drunks to make fools of themselves in front of other people. It has sadly evolved into a mini version of American Idol where a few people with talent and a lot of people who think they have talent believe they are going to be discovered and signed to big recording contract. I’m not sure which is the more amusing, but the latter is certainly the more pathetic.
Not really, altho most wait until after six months into the year to round up.
d00d, trust me on this one – you are teh only one. Even people two weeks shy of teh legal drinking age don’t round up. “Those three months means it’s only technically statutory rape” is not a valid legal defense. “Almost five” is still four years old. Thirty-nine years and seven months is most definitely not “in your forties”. I am adamant about teh last one – no particular reason.
I am adamant
I liked him better when he was Adam and the Ants.
Thirty-nine years and seven months is most definitely not “in your forties”. I am adamant about teh last one – no particular reason.
Farty forty, eh?
I remember those days….sometimes…it’s getting dimmer…I seem to remember having sex more frequently…I seem to remember remembering more often.
Big pigs are very solid, small ones are very nimble and hard to hit. Unless you are driving a bulldozer, I don’t think your car could drive after killing a pig. If you are driving a bulldozer, a small car could probably get you there in less than 8 hours, and use lots less gas doing it.
You liberals are worse than Hitler. You want GOP to look bad over a nothing temorary freeze going away, but beat up job creators and make them want to leave USA for working hard and getting paid! Socialism is your downfal, and by the way, YES Fannie and Freddie and Barney Fag and CRA DID cause the financial meltdown as well as high salaries of public employees and giving money to poor folks to buy steaks. I hope you enjoy your extra $15 a month on your morgage to pay for deadbeats, libs!
I like my singing voice just fine. When I hear my speaking voice recorded and played back, It sounds like I was abducted to Fargo for a decade of midwestern dialog coaching, given a bad head cold, and made to speak into a microphone muffled by a wet washcloth. When I speak, I don’t think it sounds that bad, but any recording sounds terrible.
Oooh, new troll! How cute! Can’t wait ’til Actor jumps in and responds to it!
Many pigs will die.
I’m pretty sure this is an Angry Birds reference.
I actually have a very good speaking voice. My instructors in pilot training always said I sounded like Jimmy Stewart when I talked on the radio.
Just can’t sing to save my life.
Was it that your voice sounded like his or that you spent a lot of time talking about your six foot tall invisible rabbit friend?
That very well could be.
Teh wackypedia has a chart from 3 years ago that shows Oregon as higher than WA on a per-capita basis, whatever that means.
What’s becoming really cool — in Oregon, you walk into any random restaurant and they’ve got five decent craft beers on tap. Just a few years ago that wasn’t the case. I imagine Washington is similar these days.
And after
walkingstumbling around downtown Portland after the holiday ale festival a couple weeks back, it does seem like there’s a brewery on every corner. Shit, Bend has at least 12 breweries now, and there are only about 50,000 people in that town. It’s good times for us beer folks.Believe it or not, we even have a handful of decent brew pubs in Columbus Ohio.
Believe it or not, we even have a handful of decent brew pubs in Columbus Ohio.
I easily believe it. We have some in Nashville (but NOT Jackalope — DO NOT WANT), and a lot of local bars and restaurants offer some of the local craft beers, too. Good times… or would be, if I could afford $4 pints.
.
Believe it or not, we even have a handful of decent brew pubs in Columbus Ohio.
‘Round these parts, the closest we can come is three overweight rednecks running a still back in the woods.
Merry Sadlymas!
Oooh, new troll! How cute! Can’t wait ’til Actor jumps in and responds to it!
Hey, you beat me to it! You’re no fun, all anal-retentive and shit…
My instructors in pilot training always said I sounded like Jimmy Stewart when I talked on the radio.
Wall, wall, I’m, I say I’m not sure that was a, y’know, COMpliment!
a nothing temorary freeze going away
i don’t know about the rest of you, but i HATE when my nothing temorary freezes…
If you fly on xmas day, I triple-dog-dare you to say “Merry Christmas, movie house!!!” over the radio.
Optionally, “Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan!” would work too.
Yeah, especially when they have to call the fire department and the cops to get you unstuck from the pole.
If you fly on xmas day, I triple-dog-dare you to say “Merry Christmas, movie house!!!” over the radio.
Optionally, “Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan!” would work too.
must also be recorded for posterity and our listening enjoyment and/or ridicule…
In fact, in my neighborhood, this is considered Craft Beer.
Optionally,
i like that word at the beginning of a sentence…in fact, i am now going to say ‘optionally, that makes my ass want to work buttonholes!’ more frequently…as in possibly every conversation i have…
In fact, in my neighborhood, this is considered Craft Beer.
Given your handle, I was expecting this
nothing temorary
Sounds like a lawyer I know in Kuala Lumpur
Ultimate hipster hat.
In fact, in my neighborhood, this is considered Craft Beer.
omg…my mom had one of those…except hers was budweiser and was of the newsboy style…verr, verr classy…
must also be recorded for posterity and our listening enjoyment and/or ridicule…
Everything said over ATC frequencies is recorded. Always fun when you forget you had the transmit button pressed and say something you really didn’t want the world to hear.
Don’t know how you’d get the tapes, however.
Ultimate hipster hat.
Is it a hat? I thought it was one of those classy TP covers you see on toilet tanks throughout the south. Grandma had one that was a plastic doll in a crocheted ball-gown.
Fixed for both bbkf and tigris.
Is Dan going to hold the Blogress Grand Diva poll again? Or did he give up after Robin of Berkeley? I had much fun stuffing the ballot box as directed by the Sadly overlords!
Is it a hat? I thought it was one of those classy TP covers you see on toilet tanks throughout the south. Grandma had one that was a plastic doll in a crocheted ball-gown.
zomg! those things are sooooo dreadful!
Optionally, ultra-classy TP cover.
thank you for that…
Always fun when you forget you had the transmit button pressed and say something you really didn’t want the world to hear.
ha, ha…this is especially humilating when working in very small market radio…it’s a mistake you only make once…well, okay maybe twice…
Kraft beer is good but that bright orange colour disturbs me.
Karaoke for advanced users: KAMIKAZE Karaoke.
Here’s how it works.
1) Have some alcohol, cuz shit’s about to get heavy.
2) Pair off in your group, each person selects a song FOR the other person.
3) ?????
D) Enjoy.
Also, Freedom Lover is not new. He has been here before, bragging about all the freedoms he has fucked.
Also, Freedom Lover is not new. He has been here before, bragging about all the freedoms he has fucked.
i like how he doesn’t use articles…makes him sound so foreign and exotic!
Is Dan going to hold the Blogress Grand Diva poll again?
Good question! I can’t stand the place so I shan’t go look.
Also, thank you Major Kong for The Ho’s birthday gift arriving on time and for not pancaking your bird into a fully loaded passenger 747.
i like how he doesn’t use articles…makes him sound so foreign and exotic!
He would contend that he only posts here for the articles.
Also, thank you Major Kong for The Ho’s birthday gift arriving on time and for not pancaking your bird into a fully loaded passenger 747.
a sentiment we can all get behind…
bah!!! i just made a photocopy of nothing…and then scolded my copier…i need to go home…
Thanks Pup.
Bye folks. I’m off to Grand Junction, by way of Casper Wyoming.
Teh most useful article here is “teh”
Via LGM an excellent piece of comedy:
http://blogs.citypages.com/blotter/2011/12/gay_marriage_amy_koch_michael_brodkorb.php
Bye folks. I’m off to Grand Junction, by way of Casper Wyoming.
happy contrails…
FTFKucinich
pancaking the bird?
Complicating the reversal.
Impressing the stability.
Confessing the outlining.
Messing the love.
Accessing the lover.
Stuffing the bringer of joy.
Eating the being.
Ringing the great auk.
Pinning the monkey.
Getting the bringer of goodness.
Unpacking the power.
2) Pair off in your group, each person selects a song FOR the other person.
In Russia, karaoke song choose you!
pancaking the bird?
Omletting the owl
VD Hanson:
It goes on like that. Apparently people are poor and stealing the copper out of streetlights, and yet Jerry Brown wants to raise taxes on rich people!
Pedantic nonsense is alive and well at the SN.com
I am starting to feel as if I am living in a Vandal state
Great school, unless you dormed
Weaker Boener is broken
Shorter VD Hanson: Whocoodanode there would be consequences to gutting the social safety net and turning the country into Mogadishu?
Oopsies. Boehner fucked his own face.
fathoming whether there is some ideology that drives it.
***flips through Rolodex**
OWS
Unions
Democrats
Liberals
Hitler
Atheists
Muslims
Jews
Hollywood
Rock and Roll Music
Satan
Taxes
Gays
Tattoos
The Dixie Chicks
Bill Clinton
Hilary Clinton
Chelsea Clinton
George Clinton
Black people
Mexicans
Catholics
Communists
Socialists
People who have sex
People who don’t find a 12 year old boy attractive
People who think rape really exists
Nappy headed hoes
….
Keep looking, VD.
Weaker Boener is broken
this is so full of teh awesome! i love the smell of boehner tears in the morning…
Here are some updates from the rural area surrounding my farm, taken from about a 30-mile radius.
i, sadly, cannot bring myself to visualize another comedic mis-travelogue from vdh…
i, sadly, cannot bring myself to visualize another comedic mis-travelogue from vdh…
And this is Selma in front of the house…and here’s Selma coming around the side of the house, but you can still see the front. And here’s Selma walking towards the back of the house, but you can see the front and roof…
Fathoming the ideology
Boy, that VDH column is just full of the stuff to snark by.
“Why are they not stealing bread, like good little poor people? Why do they steal easily fenced, valuable metals? Do they eat metal? And what is it with airline food? I’ll be here all week!”
fathoming whether there is some ideology that drives it.
“Greed is Good”.
Welcome to libertarian paradise!
I read somewhere that public utilities were inefficient, and would be better-managed under private ownership.
I was merely maximizing the value and utility of the wire. It seemed useless, hanging over a street like that, doing nothing and wasting space.
“Greed is Good”.
Welcome to libertarian paradise!
Hey! Gimme that line back! I wasn’t finished using that!
Is Dan going to hold the Blogress Grand Diva poll again?
Uh, probably?
Weaker Boener is broken
I think you misspelled “wanker”
I think you misspelled “wanker”
Actually, not.
I shall abstain from posting the link to the photojournalist article I saw the other day, titled “what happens when you steal copper.” Very NSFL. I’m sure you can find it if you are into that sort of thing.
boehner tears
also, i bet they taste like tang…
Actually, not.
OK, then, you either misspelled “Boehner” or “Boner”
Your call.
OK, then, you either misspelled “Boehner” or “Boner”
Actually, not.
Is Dan going to hold the Blogress Grand Diva poll again?
holy mother mary, baby jeesus and the heavenly father…ann outhouse won the crown one year?!?!?
Actually, not.
I know you are, but what am I?
You presume it was not an intentional alteration
I realize nuance is difficult for you, but please do try to keep up, son.
Settle down you two. Or I will turn this blog around and we will go straight home!
Sorry, Dad, I guess your awesome humor just whooshed right over my innocent lil’ head. Next time, maybe you can provide diagrams for those of us too gosh-durn slow to follow your awesome sophistimacation.
Shall I go see if I can find another troll for you to masturbate to? You seem a bit…tense.
finalize the ballot for the most coveted crown in the blogosphere
HA HA he misspelled ‘ballet’.
Poor Steerpike.
You are my troll now. In case you hadn’t noticed, things have been calm.
Except for you being an asshole.
Sorry, Dad, I guess your awesome humor just whooshed right over my innocent lil’ head
Much like your daddy’s stream, no doubt.
Someone should nominate Knockers McCain.
But I understand your slowness, Pike. After all, your mom swallowed the best DNA…
I mean, even alec has been smart enought to stay out of my face, and he only recently learned how to Velcro his shoes.
Ow! Ouch! Oo! Got me! You win, Actor, please don’t hurt po’ Stee’pike no more. You WIN! I know how important winning is to you, an’ all.
actor212 said
Can I get a tl;dr?
and let the Lord GOD hath given himself for the circumcising of the congregation of the ark of the chimney.
A Christmas passage I see.
Recipe.
A Christmas passage I see.
well, that explains this!
Those flouries and their kinky ways.
So I just saw the big orange boner on the CNNs (which is all that plays all day every day here at work in the breakroom, le sigh) coming out to announce that he finally taught some of the morons with a 1st grade reading level on his side of the aisle that raising taxes on the majority of the voting public and being seen as the major contributing factor to this was a BAD idea before an election year. So working stiffs like you and me will not be paying more taxes at least for a few months, which is good enough.
Of course, being a republican, he can’t dare let anything not go his way without several hundred tons of bullshit to go on top of it, so of course this admission was paired with the usual crap about the “American People(tm)” and how the precious republicans were “trying so hard to do the right thing” and saying maybe 6 times how “doing the right thing is hard”. The BoB was looking cranky about the whole thing, but not nearly as conciliatory as he should have. I guess that’s just going to happen when you’re an overpaid shill who has nothing personally invested in his actions, one or two million of those dirty “others” suddenly finding themselves unable to make ends meet notwithstanding.
Point? What point? I dunno, guess I’m just bitching. Though I’m honestly disappointed he didn’t burst into tears on the spot.
well, that explains this!
Awesome.
Though I’m honestly disappointed he didn’t burst into tears on the spot.
you and me both…what i want to know is how you resisted punching the teevee…you did resist, right?
Though I’m honestly disappointed he didn’t burst into
tearsflames on the spot.There goes MY fuckin’ Xmax.
.
you and me both…what i want to know is how you resisted punching the teevee…you did resist, right?
Yes, unfortunately I didn’t have much of a choice. I’m not terribly tall and the TV is mounted onto the ceiling so it would have been more trouble than it was worth.
Maybe this will restore your holiday spirits.
DO NOT CLICK ON DK-W’S LINK. For the love of all that is not nauseating, do not click.
What? But it’s so festive!
Direct quote from teh orange boner: “If you can get this fixed, why not uh, why not do the right thing for the American people – even though it’s not exactly what we want?”
You rarely see them openly admit that they do not want to do the right thing for the American people. This is going to go into a thousand ads this fall.
Not exactly what we want. FOAD.
and being seen as the major contributing factor to this was a BAD idea before an election year.
That’s a pretty major tell that they don’t really give a shit.
oops, that last post was me.
oops, that last post was me.
Nuh-uh!
All…one…bastard.
All. One. Guy.
Ooh, why you little!
HA! For once!
All. One. Sammich has gots vegetables onnit!
I’m sitting here eating dinner consisting of leftovers from Mrs__B’s company party. All. One. Meal.
Ya snuck that one in between (so to speak). I meant the anonymous, sorry.
Sneaking in the Bastard.
I may be a bastard but I’m not that big and I have a long brown ponytail (OK there is some gray mixed in).
Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize people might be eating when I posted teh Holiday Greetings link.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
December 23, 2011 at 2:21
Maybe this will restore your holiday spirits.
Teh human Santapede! !
For one scary moment I thought you said the Human Sadlypede. I like Subby and respect his Janusnode ability, but I have no desire to eat his dinner when he’s done with it.
Mmm, burritos.
Corn salsa?
Laugh it up, Wangchuck, you’re going behind me.
Corn salsa?
i can’t wait to use that one on my brother on christmas eve…
Laugh it up, Wangchuck, you’re going behind me.
in the santapede? or the bathroom?
in the santapede? or the bathroom?
or your mom?
HIS mom…i meant….and also i meant use the phrase ‘corn salsa’ to refer to poop in a conversation with my brother…i’ve used an awful lot of cleaning products tonight and apparently they’ve affected my cognitivity…
the woman just can’t stfu can she?
once again, the onion correctly sums it up
POOP
Well, this explains everything…………….
Don’t you see? It was really IraN all along!! Not IraQ…………..that was just a spelling error!!1!!1!1! Could happen to anyone!! IraN, IraQ…………….hell, they all look the same anyway. With those towels on their heads and all.
Glad we finally cleared THAT up. Now, let’s go get them IraNi TalibaNs!!
Don’t you see? It was really IraN all along!! Not IraQ
They are SO close on the keyboard, it’s totally understandable.
That sounds familiar, Substance. It was’t Carthage, it was after the fall of the Soviet Union—- guards at nuclear missile sites were refusing to guard because they didn’t have winter uniforms and it was freezing outside. Since they weren’t getting paid, they started pulling up wires and stripping them to sell the copper. People also learned to be very careful in the streets because people were stealing the man-hole covers and selling them for scrap.
Just goes to show ya— people get hungry and desperate enough they start making requisitions.
Most of Eric Olsen’s blog items on gaypatriot.net seem to have been deleted. The only two I could find are dated July 7 and 8, and may have been his first two posts. His last comment there was to a November 28 item by another blogger. He’s still described on the site’s masthead as one of its bloggers. I haven’t yet found anything on the site that explains the disappearance of what look like almost all of his blog items, including the one referred to here:
http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/35466.html
I just check at gaypatriot.net. At the time of my previous comment, Eric Olsen was still on the masthead of gaypatriot.net, I think as GayPatriotMidwest. I checked there just now and he’s not on the masthead anymore. Nor is there any other mention of him on the home page.