LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

The juxtaposition of D Batteries and gallons and gallons of water makes it especially disturbing.

Yes, Kathy, the real danger is running out of water. You just keep on thinking that. Jonah is right behind you, ready to fill your seat.

Meanwhile, Texans are drinking their piss…

There is some truly useful advice in her comment section.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

D Batteries and gallons and gallons of water

She apparently already has the circus trapeze, swim fins, cattle prod, nipple clamps, skiing goggles, saw horses, real horses, blowtorch, slingshot, skateboard, cheese grater, blindfold, diapers, candy corn, saxophone, propane tank, garden spade, parachute, vegetable oil, funnel, chimpanzee, surgical tubing, ball-gag and trampoline.

Hey, if you’re gonna be cooped up, you might as well make a weekend out of it…

There is some truly useful advice in her comment section.

There actually is. Like teh bit about teh bathtub. Also, there’s stuff like this:

While you are scouring for D-batteries, why not stock up on some 100-watt incandescent bulbs? We only have till January 1st, FYI!

WOLVERINES!

I’M BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Has there been a run on wetsuits as well?

buying gallons and gallons of water because of the potential … water fall.

I’m guessing it never occured to her that, if there’s a power outage, pumps won’t work and gravity only feeds the first six stories in NYC buildings (N__B help me out here, is that the right elevation?)

There is some truly useful advice in her comment section.

Stopped clock…

While you are scouring for D-batteries, why not stock up on some 100-watt incandescent bulbs? We only have till January 1st, FYI!

Unless she has Uncle Fester living in with her…not a completely impossible scenario, I grant you…what’s the point of lightbulbs during a blackout?

She apparently already has the circus trapeze, swim fins, cattle prod, nipple clamps, skiing goggles, saw horses, real horses, blowtorch, slingshot, skateboard, cheese grater, blindfold, diapers, candy corn, saxophone, propane tank, garden spade, parachute, vegetable oil, funnel, chimpanzee, surgical tubing, ball-gag and trampoline.

You forgot lube.
and live bait, Chinese acrobats, incense, absinthe, opium, crystal meth, ecstasy, raw hamburger, all of the livestock at Farmer Bob’s petting zoo and reptile encounter, backhoe excavator, safety harness, hard hats, Florida cane toads, wet suits, yogurt, pineapples, scotch brite, hazard tape, automatic milking machine, trained walrus, army ants, hot peppers, quicklime, school bus and garden hose.

Jonah is right behind you, ready to fill your seat.

Well, she won’t need the batteries then, will she?

She apparently already has the circus trapeze, swim fins, cattle prod, nipple clamps, skiing goggles, saw horses, real horses, blowtorch, slingshot, skateboard, cheese grater, blindfold, diapers, candy corn, saxophone, propane tank, garden spade, parachute, vegetable oil, funnel, chimpanzee, surgical tubing, ball-gag and trampoline.

You forgot lube.
and live bait, Chinese acrobats, incense, absinthe, opium, crystal meth, ecstasy, raw hamburger, all of the livestock at Farmer Bob’s petting zoo and reptile encounter, backhoe excavator, safety harness, hard hats, Florida cane toads, wet suits, yogurt, pineapples, scotch brite, hazard tape, automatic milking machine, trained walrus, army ants, hot peppers, quicklime, school bus and garden hose.

Throw in a goat and that was my bachelor party.

No jumper cables?

There’s always room for Jell-O.

And bagpipes, of course, but that goes without saying…

No jumper cables?

The cattle prod’s more compact.

I take it that she follows the “God won’t let it happen” approach toward disaster preparation.

Throw in a goat and that was my bachelor party.

I thought that was covered in the livestock from Farmer Bob’s petting zoo and reptile encounter. Or are you saying you had one more goat at the party than he had at the petting zoo?

WHY WOULD A LOVING GOD ALLOW EVEN THE SLIGHTEST MENTION OF KATHRYN JEAN LOPEZ’S LEATHERY VAGINA UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES

Unless she has Uncle Fester living in with her…not a completely impossible scenario, I grant you…what’s the point of lightbulbs during a blackout?

They’re concerned that the Kenyan Usurper will confiscate their incandescent bulbs.

Comment:

I would also add that a gun would be nice to have on hand as well. I have a bad feeling that restrictive gun control laws will be a hot topic next week. Hope I’m wrong.

Hogeye Grex said,
August 26, 2011 at 22:15

Well, she won’t need the batteries then, will she?

I’m surprised it took nineteen minutes to make that joke. I figured you guys would be all over that one. As it were.

They’re concerned that the Kenyan Usurper will confiscate their incandescent bulbs.

So he has a date tonight. Gotcha.

I’m surprised it took nineteen minutes to make that joke.

Well, see, for me, the only thing Jonah can fill is a toilet after a bean burrito…

D batteries for her crucifix shaped vibrator*, no doubt.

*from the good folks at Crucidicks: “Don’t wait for the Second Cumming”

Approprate XKCD Strip

Jonah is right behind you, ready to fill your seat.

With what?

BTW, there about 7 different jokes to be made here.

Who wants the bet that the damage caused by this single hurricane will far exceed the cost that any regulations on carbon emissions beginning about 10 years ago would have totalled?

We are a bunch of fucking losers who should always be picked last for every team.

I would also add that a gun would be nice to have on hand as well.

“Step away from the Cheetos, and you won’t get hurt!”

I would also add that a gun would be nice to have on hand as well.

Alternate Joke: “I find it helps with my masturbatory fantasies.”

I would also add that a gun would be nice to have on hand as well.

Nothing scares away an act of God like a Glock.

She apparently already has the circus trapeze, swim fins, cattle prod, nipple clamps, skiing goggles, saw horses, real horses, blowtorch, slingshot, skateboard, cheese grater, blindfold, diapers, candy corn, saxophone, propane tank, garden spade, parachute, vegetable oil, funnel, chimpanzee, surgical tubing, ball-gag and trampoline.

You forgot lube.
and live bait, Chinese acrobats, incense, absinthe, opium, crystal meth, ecstasy, raw hamburger, all of the livestock at Farmer Bob’s petting zoo and reptile encounter, backhoe excavator, safety harness, hard hats, Florida cane toads, wet suits, yogurt, pineapples, scotch brite, hazard tape, automatic milking machine, trained walrus, army ants, hot peppers, quicklime, school bus and garden hose.

OMFG I’m laughing so hard I think I peed a little.

Comment:

I would also add that a gun would be nice to have on hand as well. I have a bad feeling that restrictive gun control laws will be a hot topic next week. Hope I’m wrong.

Yes, because every time a disaster happens, civilized people degenerate into the sort of Hatfields and McCoys wet dream that commenter wanks to anytime he can manage to starch his spaghetti. You remember. Just like after 9/11 when the military had to occupy NYC to save it from the dusky hordes because God fearing caucasians can’t drape themselves in triggers and magazines.

feh

OMFG I’m laughing so hard I think I peed a little.

*SNAP*

Add a diaper to that list…

I’d dreamed about your knickers ever since my puberty
and you made my dreams come true when you asked me round for tea.
But when I got inside them, I knew it would bode ill
‘cos it felt OK, but it looked like roadkill.

Your labia minora look like wicket-keeper’s gloves.

We’ve made the duvet rock for the past eleven years
but my knees still knock when your thighs are wrapped around my ears.
I know that I’m shallow, but I still want to ease in
to something that I find more aesthetically pleasing

Your labia minora look like wicket-keeper’s gloves.

I love you, yes it’s true, but prepare yourself for shock
for your “pant kebab” has become a stumbling block
I can’t deny the fact that I’d like a nice ‘un.
Not one that’s done ten rounds with “Iron” Mike Tyson.

Your labia minora look like wicket-keeper’s gloves.

So my bags are packed and I won’t come back no more
and the sharp heartbreak just cuts me to the core.
But I can’t turn back, I’ve just got to leave
I can’t deal with a mimsy like a wizard’s sleeve.

Your labia minora look like wicket-keeper’s gloves.

Oh who could have guessed that our future would hinge
on the sight of your large and leathery minge?

Your labia minora look like wicket-keeper’s gloves.

Alternate Joke: “I find it helps with my masturbatory fantasies.”

Aaaaaaaaand we’re back to not needing the batteries.

Ya know, it’s going to be fun to watch as all the wingnuts discover on Jan. 1, 2012, that incandescent light bulbs have not, in fact, been banned.

It’ll be like the assclowns who woke up Jan. 1, 2000, and Jan. 20, 2009, only to realize the world hadn’t ended … and, sadly, only to come up with some newer and more-full-of-dumbfuckery topic about which to freak.

**sigh**

Oh, and good to see Lopez take the same approach to disaster preparedness as conservatives do to economics: ignore all facts and warnings, complain at the last minute about how nothing is working the way they think it should, and then blame all the problems of their own making on everyone else Not Like Them.

Rinse and repeat.

K-Lo is assembling her survivalist arsenal. Heh, ARSENAL. Also toolbox.

WHY NO RUBBER CHICKENS?!?!?!?!?

I would also add that a gun would be nice to have on hand as well. I have a bad feeling that restrictive gun control laws will be a hot topic next week. Hope I’m wrong.

Gosh, I heard a few reports of people being shot in New Orleans after Katrina…but I can’t seem to remember who was doing the shooting…

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

They’re concerned that the Kenyan Usurper will confiscate their incandescent bulbs.
I’m sure they can think of a hiding place.

Allow me to boast in passing of my own disaster preparedness, which consists of a huge stockpile of cat biscuits, shelves of pickled chillis, and a transparent waterbed that doubles up as an axolotl aquarium tank.

“She apparently already has the circus”

What the hell else is she going to wear?

Well, HELLO, kitty.

Also toolbox.

Aaaaaaaand we’re back to Jonah again.

Add a diaper to that list…
Please re-read the list. Item 13, right after blindfold and ahead of candy corn.

We are a bunch of fucking losers who should always be picked last for every team.

I read this as ‘pickled’

So I started on that.

and a transparent waterbed that doubles up as an axolotl aquarium tank.
Party at Smut’s house!

Gosh, I heard a few reports of people being shot in New Orleans after Katrina…but I can’t seem to remember who was doing the shooting…

I was going to mention the part about people with guns keeping people without guns from crossing a bridge out of the worst of the disaster area, but yeah.

I see her point about getting water supplies just before a hurricane, though! Why BUY water when you can set buckets & jugs and bowls out in the rain… with 80+mph wind…

Ya know, it’s going to be fun to watch as all the wingnuts discover on Jan. 1, 2012, that incandescent light bulbs have not, in fact, been banned.

you point to one other time in the last three years when reality has had that kind of effect on their paranoid dreams and I might agree.

“While you are scouring for D-batteries, why not stock up on some 100-watt incandescent bulbs? We only have till January 1st, FYI!”

First he comes for incandescent light bulbs, next it will be our Commodore 64’s and Attari gane consoles.

you point to one other time in the last three years when reality has had that kind of effect on their paranoid dreams and I might agree.

Well, there was that time when they … um … how’s about back in 2010, when they, uh …

Yeah. Okay. Ya got me.

But this one might be different, as the rows and rows of incandescent bulbs still sitting there, ready and able to be purchased on Jan. 2, 2012, might at least make a dent in the Cloak of Clinical Fucking Stupidity they seem to use.

Maybe not bring it down, but at least dent it a tad.

I would also add that a gun would be nice to have on hand as well. I have a bad feeling that restrictive gun control laws will be a hot topic next week. Hope I’m wrong.

LIER! I can hear the fapping though the wi-fi!

Its too late, the muslims have taken it over already. Is nothing sacred?

http://www.attari.net/

Town of Brookhaven just ordered evacuations.

I mention this because Brookhaven is on the north shore (albeit on the water) of Long Island, away from the strike.

So, a little help for us out-of-towners? When do you expect to be the best time for looting?

<i.She apparently already has the circus trapeze, swim fins, cattle prod, nipple clamps, skiing goggles, saw horses, real horses, blowtorch, slingshot, skateboard, cheese grater, blindfold, diapers, candy corn, saxophone, propane tank, garden spade, parachute, vegetable oil, funnel, chimpanzee, surgical tubing, ball-gag and trampoline.

You forgot lube.
and live bait, Chinese acrobats, incense, absinthe, opium, crystal meth, ecstasy, raw hamburger, all of the livestock at Farmer Bob’s petting zoo and reptile encounter, backhoe excavator, safety harness, hard hats, Florida cane toads, wet suits, yogurt, pineapples, scotch brite, hazard tape, automatic milking machine, trained walrus, army ants, hot peppers, quicklime, school bus and garden hose

what?!? no butt plug? guys, how many times do i have to tell you…you gotta start with the basics before you can get to the fancy stuff…

Focus on the homes of Wall Street executives and hedge fund managers in Grenwich CT sometime early Monday.

But you didn’t hear that from me.

Why BUY water when you can set buckets & jugs and bowls out in the rain… with 80+mph wind…

Just wringing out her beach shorts should provide enough to start a big pot of soup.

Just wringing out her beach shorts should provide enough to start a big pot of soup.

uh, klo…there’s a hair in my soup…

Focus on the homes of Wall Street executives and hedge fund managers in Grenwich CT sometime early Monday.
If you have access to firefighting equipment, breaking in with a firehose will create convincing hurricane style damage. The disappearance of the the family silver would be harder to write off as Hurricane damage.

..breaking in with a firehose will create convincing hurricane style damage.

It’s only fraud if you get convicted!

Remember, if you’re white, you’re not a looter, you’re a salvage specialist and/or good provider.

Everybody knows hurricanes only take sterling. They have no use for plate.

you point to one other time in the last three years when reality has had that kind of effect on their paranoid dreams and I might agree.

In the face of our determined resistance, Obama has backed down on his envirofascist agenda. FOR NOW. That is why we must REMAIN VIGILANT.

Also the Alinskyite fascist Left are sure to follow their usual policy of “disaster socialism” and co-opt the recent tragic succession of warm winters, hurricanes and rising sea levels as an excuse to impose carbon-emission controls. WE MUST NOT ALLOW THAT.

In a related story, the Rev. Pat Robertson said the best way to prepare for Hurricane Irene is not being gay.

Borowitz, of course.

They’re concerned that the Kenyan Usurper will confiscate their incandescent bulbs.
I’m sure they can think of a hiding place.

Hey, they totally fell on those.

Ted the Slacker wins the Interons forevah for catching this.

And: EEWWWWW.

Also, again, for The List: Gerbils?

When do you expect to be the best time for looting?

Soothing, pre-classical lute music is always welcome.

To be fair, 100W bulbs are apparently going away come next year, save for “special purpose” bulbs (insert The Jerk joke here).

I sort of dislike the idea myself. I’m not a fan of the spectra of cfls. I normally use 60 or 75W bulbs anyhow, and halogens will be around for a while, so meh.

Somehow, bitching about light bulbs as “Big Government” after hailing the “PATRIOT” Act as wonderful strikes me as just a tad disingenuous.

Jonah can be heard calling out from that deep dark canyon: “Send down 30 feet of rope. Repeat. 30 feet of rope.”

you point to one other time in the last three years when reality has had that kind of effect on their paranoid dreams and I might agree.

You’re right–they’ll declare victory in the war over light bulbs that happened only in their Kardashian-damaged little brains.

SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH YOU MESS WITH FREEDOM?

yeah.

Soothing, pre-classical lute music is always welcome.

Also sackbut.

Somehow, bitching about light bulbs as “Big Government” after hailing the “PATRIOT” Act as wonderful strikes me as just a tad disingenuous.

Wingnuts blaming Obama for Bush jobbies is par for the course, though.

breaking in with a firehose

Wrong thread, but TINTIN!

Also sackbut.
Somehow I thought of tigris as more interested in hautbois.

I believe I have mentioned I prefer the organ.

I was firmly in the anti-swirly bulb camp for a number of years…just HATED the quality & color of the light, the flicker & etc. Not to mention that the things were damned expensive. So I clung to my incandescent bulbs. But I don’t have a single fixture in the house where I use 100w – the highest I use in anything is 75w in a couple of the lamps in my reading spots.

Then, a few months ago at Target, I saw a twin pack of the swirly-but-look-like-incandescent bulbs on a clearance shelf. Someone had opened the package, so the two 75w equivalent package had been marked down to like $2.75. I figured, why not give them a try? I replaced the bulb in my bedside reading lamp with one of them when the old bulb burned out, and I’ve been fine with the fluorescent. It comes on dim and takes a few minutes to reach full brightness, but that’s not an issue for the bedroom. I’m not going to have to replace the damn thing for something like 7 years, and in that time it’s supposed to save about $22 in electricity. Goddamn the Kenyan usurper for saving me money!

Pancreas. Now there’s an organ.

Pancreas. Now there’s an organ.

Rick Perry prefers the skin flute

I believe I have mentioned I prefer the organ.

No longer satisfied with the virginal?

…good to see Lopez take the same approach to disaster preparedness as conservatives do to economics: ignore all facts and warnings, complain at the last minute about how nothing is working the way they think it should, and then blame all the problems of their own making on everyone else Not Like Them.

My late brother-in-law had a response to stuff like KLo’s whine that I like to quote a lot, although most people don’t really get the full impact of it because he did it with a special voice and facial expressions. Nonetheless:

BLOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!

If anyone is interested in LED bulbs that replace incandescent in size, shape and color rendering, look to see if you have a FIRST Robotics team in your area. They are exclusive distributors of a well done LED screw in bulb that also serves as fundraising for high school kids who want to build ROBOTS and use SCIENCE.

Initial cost is high, but considering energy use and replacement costs, payback is in the neighborhood of 3-5 years.

ZRM –

Do they work with dimmers?

Rick Perry prefers the skin flute

Heavenly flute…

I don’t have AC for the warmest* months here in the PNW, which is no problem since I’m in a cool microclimate as well. However, from sometime in October until well into April or May the furnace and/or woodstove are in use, and any extra “waste” heat is welcome in the house.

The heating season also coincides with longer nights, and light bulbs get far more use than in the summer. Given these factors I don’t see much of a downside to incandescents here, especially when their light is warmer and more comforting on a clammy, dark winter night. Your regional mileage may vary

*If we’re lucky enough to get any weather in a particular summer that could credibly be described as “warm”

They are exclusive distributors of a well done LED screw in bulb that also serves as fundraising for high school kids who want to build ROBOTS and use SCIENCE. SATAN!

Actually, as I recall we were heating well in to June this past alleged spring…

No longer satisfied with the virginal?

Actually, I was born there!

Do they work with dimmers?

no, not yet.

…good to see Lopez take the same approach to disaster preparedness as conservatives do to economics: ignore all facts and warnings, complain at the last minute about how nothing is working the way they think it should, and then blame all the problems of their own making on everyone else Not Like Them.

Speaking of ignoring all facts and warnings, here’s an OT that’s just too precious not to share;

“To argue that the Ford Taurus evolved from the Model T because they each have four tires is a dubious procedure. Maybe four tires is just a good idea, and anybody who wants to build a car should use it. Maybe a pig liver does the same thing that a human liver does, and for similar reasons. A Chevy and a Ford both have tailpipes, and I am entirely in favor of this. We need not resort to the explanation that the two cars are cousins, sharing a common ancestor.” -Doug Wilson

Acquired via the family grapevine and traced back to a relative currently in ultra-conservative seminary. Fucking science, how does it work?

Actually, as I recall we were heating well in to June this past alleged spring…

No shit–we had a lousy spring here in Spokane.

Having a nice late summer, however. No hurricanes yet.

The biggest joke is when the conservatards argue against CFLs by saying how toxic they are and harmful to the environment. This from a group that cheers on mountaintop removal, fracking, drill and spill, unregulated coal plants, and who deny scientific proof of climate change.

Spiral bulbs do not last long in rural areas with heavily spliced, Iraq-style grids that suffer more brownouts than Doughy Pantload’s underoos.

Alllllso, I seem to remember reading that in teh PNW, global warming/climate change could somewhat paradoxically make our weather cooler overall and — yippee — wetter, due to increased evaporation over the Pacific and the resultant thickening of cloud cover.

EL FUCKING NINO

EL FUCKING NINO

Well, your version is considerably more concise

“To argue that the Ford Taurus evolved from the Model T because they each have four tires is a dubious procedure

Just like slicing carrots with a hatchet. Wait just a minute…dubious procedure? Please explain.

Maybe four tires is just a good idea, and anybody who wants to build a car should use it.

Maybe it is, maybe it’s not. You were gonna tell me why today’s horseless carriage is NOTHING like the early mass produced models.

Maybe a pig liver does the same thing that a human liver does, and for similar reasons

WTF? How did this rogue sentence get in here? Weren’t we just talking about cars? I’m still waiting to hear why this comparison doesn’t hold up.

A Chevy and a Ford both have tailpipes, and I am entirely in favor of this

Back to cars. Sorry, the pig digression is still stick in my overheating brain. Oooohhhhh. Tailpipes. It’s all about the tails and pipes with you guys, isn’t it? It’s cool…please carry on.

We need not resort to the explanation that the two cars are cousins, sharing a common ancestor

So I’m guess that right now you’re extending one appendage to your back in order to pat it in congratulations for developing the BESTEST FUCKING PROOF THAT EVOLUTION IS WHACK EVAR!, right?

Well done, whingnut. Well done.

Well, your version is considerably more concise

And Spanish! OLE!

K-Lo is assembling her survivalist arsenal. Heh, ARSENAL.

Not a damn one of ’em would touch her. Soccer players may have awful taste in wives, but K-Lo is just a bridge too far. Too wide, too.

“To argue that the Ford Taurus evolved from the Model T because they each have four tires is a dubious procedure

I’d go even farther that that and say it’s BULL.

The biggest joke is when the conservatards argue against CFLs by saying how toxic they are and harmful to the environment.

Two things at work there: Al Gore heats his house, therefore you are all hypocrites! Don’t you care about pollution?

And “Yeah, but if I break one in my house it’ll be mercury a-go-go, not like shit that happens to poor people who don’t know any better than to have nice homes far from mining & whatnot!”

I’d go even farther that that and say it’s BULL.

Ha! Nice.

Maybe four tires is just a good idea, and anybody who wants to build a car should use it.

Unless they want to build a three wheeled vehicle or maybe a six-wheel Formula 1 machine.

anybody who wants to build a car should use it.

Maybe I want to build a car and NOT use it. Ever think of that, smarty pants? GET OFF MY FREEDOMS.

Tag fail in honor of bbkf. Wait, no. Tag fail STOLEN from bbkf! Tag fail is THEFT!

Nice

Even nicer that I resisted the anxious urge to rush back and correct “that that”… until now.

I’M ABJECTLY SORRY

Well you’re nuts my friend.

True story: the evening of the super tuesday primary in 2008, we got one of those winter thunderstorms/sleet blast things that God reserves only for Arkansas (bc we deserve His hate). I happened to be watching Oliver Stone’s “Nixon” again on dvd cuz at the time I had no satellite subscription and no antenna. So I was standing beneath the hanging lamp in the middle of the room, looking up something I’d heard in the movie. Lightning struck very very near my house. Did I mention the lamp had one of the Al Gore bulbs? Of course everything in the house went out briefly but the fucking bulb exploded very close to my ear and… well, I’ve been injured many times in stupid farm accidents, fights, drunken redneck daredevilry, etc., but I have never had my bell rung quite like that. A simultaneous deafness, punch to the head and heart attack.

Ergo,

Everything wingnuts say about the bulbs is troof

Mercury vapor tastes like pumpkin pie with a hint of brake fluid

I have dain brammage

Are we Friday night musicing yet? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZ1diGCosjQ

We need not resort to the explanation that the two cars are cousins, sharing a common ancestor

Of course, cars don’t reproduce, or live, even, so it’s not a perfect analogy, but even so the Ford Taurus and Model T do have a “common ancestor,” in fact a long line of them, in which four-wheeledness proved to be advantageous enough to be passed on.

GET OFF MY FREEDOMS.

*guffaw*

Mercury vapor tastes like pumpkin pie with a hint of brake fluid

Remember the old days when you could get brake fluid in a dozen different flavors?

And Mercury from a thermometer just rolled across the tongue?

End times indeed.

Why did I leave those comments at the end of the last thread? Am I concentrating on NY Evil – Orioles game too much?

She apparently already has the circus trapeze, swim fins, cattle prod, nipple clamps….

…. trained walrus, army ants, hot peppers, quicklime, school bus and garden hose.

So who pays for cleaning my keyboard? Steerpike or Helmut?

I have just been to Confederate Yankee’s site, and commented that I am praying for him and his grill.

A new circle of hell: I had to get some Coke (making pint-sized Cuba Libres runs through it fast) so I went to the deli nearby. I stood on line for twenty minutes as hipsters paid by credit card for their panic-bought emergency supplies of flavored tea and organic chips.

DIEDIEDIE

Conservatards are to human evolution as Edsels are to auto evolution.

Edsels? You’re being kind. I’d go with Delorean. No. Pinto.

I’d go with Fred Flintstone’s flurry-of-feet model, or perhaps the Dymaxion

*Sigh* sure wish I still had that old program book for the ’62 Seattle world’s fair, in which there was a full-page ad seeking prospective dealers for an exciting new flying-car model poised to storm the market.

The Homer.

ROFC

(rolling on floor crying)

List needs munchkins & nuns.

I, for one, am still extremely butthurt the Hovercar has not made an appearance yet.

“It’s the year 2000. Where’s my flying car? I was promised a flying car!“

No fucking kidding. I can’t place the quote. 🙁

I can’t place the quote. 🙁

IBM commercial starring Avery Brooks.

Future, shmuture. I’m actually glad there are no such things as mass-produced flying cars. A huge minority of people are totally shitty drivers in two dimensions; they’d be WMDs if they had to drive in three.

Also, too, can you imagine all the glibertardians whining endlessly about a driver’s license suddenly being as hard to get as a pilot’s license? It hardly bears thinking about, lest one prune-whip-yoghurtifies one’s brain on a lovely pre-hurricane Friday night.

And filmed on the Brooklyn Bridge.

“Also, too, can you imagine all the glibertardians whining endlessly about a driver’s license suddenly being as hard to get as a pilot’s license? It hardly bears thinking about, lest one prune-whip-yoghurtifies one’s brain on a lovely pre-hurricane Friday night.”

Clearly I didnt think things thru. You make some good points. Maybe THE WORLD is just not ready for Hovercars.

“IBM commercial starring Avery Brooks.”

Who the hell is Avery Brooks? I’m just going to pretend you wrote “John Hodgman”

I’m actually glad there are no such things as mass-produced flying cars.

B-b-b-b-but just imagine all those rednecks throwing garbage bags & beer bottles out of their windows at 5,500 feet!

WHY DO U HAET FREEDOM?

Who the hell is Avery Brooks?

Captain Sisko.

B-b-b-b-but just imagine all those rednecks throwing garbage bags & beer bottles out of their windows at 5,500 feet!

That is the strongest possible argument FOR flying cars.

Who the hell is Avery Brooks?

Captain Sisko.

Oh, yeah. Why did I picture Avery Schreiber?

Modern “conservatives” are the eels in the hovercrafts of an imagined dystupian (sic) future

B-b-b-b-but just imagine all those rednecks throwing garbage bags & beer bottles out of their windows at 5,500 feet!

Obviously you saw The Gods Must Be Crazy,

And as I sit sweating in the heat and scratching my sunburn here in the “rain-soaked” Northwest, I hope all out right-coast friends will keep us posted on how they’re doing…you know, if you’ve got electricity, that is.

I hope all out right-coast friends will keep us posted on how they’re doing

The closeted ones are welcome to remain mum if that’s their preference– we pitch a biiiiig tent here

B-b-b-b-but just imagine all those rednecks throwing garbage bags & beer bottles out of their windows at 5,500 feet!

I must admit, I larfed. On the other hand, I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as though my retired commercial-pilot father cringed in unbidden contemplation of the stupidity of the masses. Oh well, maybe that means he won’t vote for the CRAPs come October…

I’m kinda hoping the horrorcane doesn’t swing inland and paste us here in the Dagger Pointing at the Heartland of America (aka Southwestern Ontario), as the other night those monster thunderboomers almost caused me to die of feline-induced strangulation, and I’m not sure I could take the embarrassment of being accidentally offed by a tortoiseshell cat who only really loves me that much.

Google Maps has a track of Irene and according to Gazoogle, the hurricane is coming right over mah house. I have moved the grill indoors.

FACEPALM.EXE

After the IreneapocolypseI, I and a buddy of mine are planning on some looting early Monday morning in Grenwich, CT. We are going to start at the home of the C.E.O.’s of Goldman Sachs and work our way down. Anyone care to join us? ITS PAYBACK TIME BITCHES!

Anthony Weiner 2.0: Electric Salsa!

Indeed Jim, double face palm with merde.

Just wringing out her beach shorts should provide enough to start a big pot of soup.

Projectile vomiting.
.

THE WORLD is just not ready for Hovercars.

Are Bumper Cars okay?

Oh, yeah. Why did I picture Avery Schreiber?

because you want doritos?

Oh, yeah. Why did I picture Avery Schreiber?

You & me both. Turns out it’s Burns & Schreiber, not Brooks & …, which was my first guest why that was the picture pictured.

Senile dementia, I embrace you!

Now, who’s this Cap’t. SisQó again?

We need not resort to the explanation that the two cars are cousins, sharing a common ancestor

Of course, cars don’t reproduce, or live, even, so it’s not a perfect analogy, but even so the Ford Taurus and Model T do have a “common ancestor,” in fact a long line of them, in which four-wheeledness proved to be advantageous enough to be passed on.

Saying the Model T is the ancestor of the Taurus is like saying monkeys are our “ancestors”. The modern day car is descended from the 2-wheeled chariot! Car historians can trace the chariot to the 4-wheeled wagon, coach, (with a Neandertal-like offshoot train cars with dozens of wheels). Intelligent design, HA!

A Chevy and a Ford both have tailpipes, and I am entirely in favor of this
Don Surber? Is that you?

Don Surber? Is that you?

uhhhh…is my dick in your…orifice?

o rly? a dick in the orifice joke is going to kill this thread…well, that just tears it! good day, sir!

“It’s the year 2000. Where’s my flying car? I was promised a flying car!“

Also Kevin Smith.

Jethro Troll said,

Also, Kudos on the nym.

making pint-sized Cuba Libres runs through it fast

tell me about it. But it lasts longer if you use less soda.

Fortunately, my neighborhood has fewer credit-card-wielding hipsters.

BTW, those are officially called Cuba Zombres.

What’s always amused me about the name “Cuba libre” for rum and coke is that for a drink to have been given that name, it would have had to have been* invented when Coca-Cola still had cocaine in it.

*Man, the English auxiliary verb system is not for amateurs, is it?

invented when Coca-Cola still had cocaine in it.

you mean it DOESN’T anymore?

My illusions, they shattered.

Everything wingnuts say about the bulbs is troof
Mercury vapor tastes like pumpkin pie with a hint of brake fluid
I have dain brammage

No-one could have predicted that when you The Market outsources fluorescent tube manufacture to the cheapest country, they would end up being produced in factories in Brazil with weak labour laws and poor protection from mercury fumes so the workers start losing their colour vision from the neurotoxicity after a few years.

yeah.

When social security is abolished and minimum wages are destroyed and workplace protections repealed and we are all reduced to serfdom until we drop dead, we can have that neurotoxicity here in Amurrika, where it belongs!

o rly? a dick in the orifice joke is going to kill this thread

nah, the thread is just smoking a cigarette….

Conservatards are to human evolution as Edsels large rectangular rocks are to auto evolution.

I think that works better.

Conservatards are to human evolution as Edsels large rectangular rocks are to auto evolution.

Same thing. I took my driver’s test in an Edsel. The parallel-parking part didn’t go so well since the pylons were 20 feet apart and the car was 18 feet long….

my point was that at least the Edsel was nominally an automobile.

Conservaturds are not nominally evolved.

Same thing. I took my driver’s test in an Edsel.

HOW THE HELL OLD ARE YOU?

…eh, don’t answer that. I took my drivers test in an Opel Kadet with a broken speedometer and a heater made from two Bic Lighters. The examiner did NOT buy my explanation that I could tell how fast I was going with the tach.

I took my driver’s test in an Edsel

A hearse is a hearse, a curse, a curse

OK, I have had too much wine and I haven’t read all the comments.

But I read that Eric Cantor (of the district whose epicenter was the quake), Ron Paul, and Marco (polo) Rubio all say that the gov’t shouldn’t provide disaster relief.

WTF are these guys smoking?

I mean, not just a WTF on the rational grounds, WTF on the political grounds?????? What do they think their constituents (Cantor – aforementioned earthquake; Paul, drought, fire and hurricane; Rubio – hurricane) are gonna think about this?

Oh gawd: if this thread doesn’t move on soon it’s bound for a bout of archaic vehicular references.

My first driver’s test was on a pterodactyl: an early model that didn’t even have the tail plug-in feature.

HOW THE HELL OLD ARE YOU?

58. I didn’t say it was new—this was in 1969. We sold it the next year when that pushbutton-in-the-middle-of-the-steering-wheel gear changer put it in reverse when my mom pushed drive and it jumped backward into a light standard. “We’re getting rid of this piece of crap right now!”

But I read that Eric Cantor (of the district whose epicenter was the quake), Ron Paul, and Marco (polo) Rubio all say that the gov’t shouldn’t provide disaster relief.

In their vision, the government exists to create disasters. Never to help clean them up.

But I read that Eric Cantor (of the district whose epicenter was the quake), Ron Paul, and Marco (polo) Rubio all say that the gov’t shouldn’t provide disaster relief.

They apparently feel it’s time to pull the plug.

Government should not, apparently do anything but funnel money to incompetent banksters and people who make shit that kills people.

How much longer, people, before the guillotines?

Except for Eric Cantor, of course. He gets fucked to death by horses.

when that pushbutton-in-the-middle-of-the-steering-wheel gear

Heh. I had a friend in HS that had an old Chrysler with pushbutton shifting. I laughed.

Until I got that AMC with “three on the tree”.

He gets fucked to death by horses.

After doing a cost/benefit analysis of the Wingnut Processor, and looking at the elapsed time, it became apparent that cliffotines in conjunction with a small stable of aggressively horny horses, possibly augmented with meth, would do the same job; with much less overhead.

It is apparent that efficiency and throughput will be vital in the coming days.

Personally, I don’t know why you wouldn’t just keep this crap on hand.

Except for Eric Cantor, of course. He gets fucked to death by horses.

Isn’t there something with a spiked/barbed penis? What are crocodile dicks like?

Isn’t there something with a spiked/barbed penis? What are crocodile dicks like?

Cats. We need a really large lion….

ready to fill your seat.

filling your seat

Clearly I didnt think things thru. You make some good points. Maybe THE WORLD is just not ready for Hovercars.

Judging by the way 80% of TEH WORLD drives, I dont think we are ready for 2D cars.

Except for Eric Cantor, of course. He gets fucked to death by horses.

Wishy washy liberal, keel haul him!!!!

IIRC one of the less appealing characters in a Carl Hiassen novel falls into the wrong tank and is fucked to death by a randy dolphin.

Big-cat penes are spiny but not large. If you are going for lethal trauma, I feel obliged to point out that the walrus is the animal with the largest penis-bone, often more than 2 foot long.

BTW, those are officially called Cuba Zombres.

Only if you’re using the right commie rum. And no, I’m not paying the ridiculous import price. A friend travels to Nicaragua regularly and gets it there for the equivalent of about five bucks.

randy dolphin.

Redundant Smut is redundant. Why do you think they’re always smiling?

how’s it going on the right hand coast?

Nothing. I think we’re due for some showers.

To argue that the Ford Taurus evolved from the Model T because they each have four tires is a dubious procedure
Mostly because this sentence uses “evolved” metaphorically.

OT – You’re welcome.

Remember all that Obama bashing from last thread?
I take it all back.

Heh. I had a friend in HS that had an old Chrysler with pushbutton shifting. I laughed.

I have a 57 Desoto that has the pushbutton shifting.

“The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,
August 27, 2011 at 8:56

HOW THE HELL OLD ARE YOU?

58.”

Sometimes this place makes me feel kinda young…then I remember that Chris and Spearhafoc exist, and I don a frilly robe and turban and sit in stony silence in front of my dressing table remembering my glory days.

Did someone say guillotine?

I checked the NYC forecast using the iPhone weather app. It just said “rain.”. They don’t have a hurricane icon it seems. They should a “god’s wrath” icon or something.

Is that an old bearded guy stomping on a rainbow flag?

OH MY GOD IT HAS STARTED TO DRIZZLE! Guide me Landru!

FESTIVAL!

Geeks unite!

OH MY GOD IT HAS STARTED TO DRIZZLE!

IT’S CLOUDY HERE!

INTO THE BUNKER–WATER AND FOOD RATIONING NOW IN EFFECT!

I’m going out, probably for the last time until Monday morning. If you don’t hear from me by this evening, send out the dogs check the bars.

I WILL CHECK EVERY BAR IN NEW YORK IF I HAVE TO.

I’m back. Drinking and semi-live blogging have commenced.

What’s all this, then?
.

Let’s get N_B drunk and then take advantage* of him.

*take advantage=telling embarrassing engineering stories. OR regaling us with stories of endearing nerdery from his adolescence. Then again, some of the pervy among us–and I am totally not looking at Smut as I say this–may cop a feel.

Does this mean I can’t go to the bars?

*take advantage=telling embarrassing engineering stories.

he’s just going to talk about falling off buildings again.

In other news, I am about to start work on my first piece in months. I’m so happy I could cry.

In other words, what am I doing wasting time talking with you losers? I have ART TO CREATE, she said flouncingly.

I am about to start work on my first piece in months.

Dudeskull as a centaur, a la A-Rod?

Let’s get N_B drunk

That sounds like a dare to me.

That sounds like a dare to me.

It absolutely is one.

Dudeskull as a centaur, a la A-Rod?

That is horrifying. It makes me sad that someone put time and thought into doing that. But, no. No Dudeskull. This time. A project I’ve had in my head for a couple weeks now.

That sounds like a dare to me.

It absolutely is one.

I am currently eating dark chocolate with crystallized ginger embedded in it. I’m very mellow at the moment.

ZRM has been busy.

I am currently eating dark chocolate with crystallized ginger embedded in it. I’m very mellow at the moment.

You know what would go great with that? Red wine.

BTW, I am finishing up the background for project and it is amazeballs. I’m so happy.

Let’s get N_B drunk

That sounds like a dare to me.

Hey! I’ve got to finish drywall patching the kitchen ceiling, then work on the half-deck! I can’t believe you guys are gonna get drunk without me.

Only thing I’ve drunk today is coffee.

Red wine.

You’re right. The shiraz is going down smooth.

I WOULD RATHER BE CHECKING THE BARS IN NYC THAN SITTING AROUND HERE IN MASSACHUSETTS BUT I MUST KEEP CATCHING SQUIRRELS AND CHIPMUNKS FOR PROVISIONS.

WE WILL REBUILD!

See if you can make any sense of this:

http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/mmoriarty/2011/08/25/sarah-palins-pre-presidential-power/

See if you can make any sense of this:

The folks in the comments section can’t make sense of it either. Leftist conspiratorial hacking must be at play.

A huge minority of people are totally shitty drivers in two dimensions; they’d be WMDs if they had to drive in three.

I like this Mitchell and Webb sketch about jetpacks.

See if you can make any sense of this:

I believe Todd ejaculates prematurely.

See if you can make any sense of this:

The beyond bizarre, miraculously self-destructive knee-jerk insanity of an ideologue. Also something something golf Bloomberg/Obama LEFTYDOG.

See if you can make any sense of this:

He should sell all of his d-cells to K-Lo. He doesn’t need them.

His brain scan show anomalies.

Or “shows.” You be the judge.

WE WILL REBUILD!

You guys, I just saw Governor Christie doing his job

Being kind of a dick about it, but doing it nonetheless. He thanked president Obama for signing the emergency order and giving NJ federal funding. He named and thanked the FEMA liaison.

I drinking like 70 gallons of beer last night and the world is upside down this morning. If I drink more will we get single payer health insurance?

Not even NEW YORK will endure such a heartlessly Godless, New World Order attitude for long.

Or will it?

(cue scary music)

OH I’m dying to find out!

Holy crap. Comment:

Well, the Archangel Irene will arrive on the Sabbath to issue a reminder.

See if you can make any sense of this:

The build up of spinal fluid in the brain stem as his ‘body’ prepares for the predicted, discovered, tracked, and monitored natural disaster that his fevered brain keeps screaming cannot exist because they are all, “godless, heathen, lying, liberal, scientists is tremendous.

Moriarity’s spinal column has cut off the oxygen supply to his brain and he is suffering from Cerebral hypoxia, resulting in a President Palin fueled wankfest.

I don’t know whether to be smugly pleased or horrified.

http://travel.nytimes.com/2011/08/28/travel/36-hours-in-portland-ore.html?src=dayp

It’s their restaurant selection (Le Pigeon, site of my g’day feast t’udder day) that is the source of my dissonance.

FYautocorrect. “b’day”

Why does the damned Times keep pitching Portland? It seems like they’ve run something every couple of weeks the past few years. Not that I’ve kept scrupulous track, but haven’t noticed half as much re Seattle.

Why does the damned Times keep pitching Portland?

My guess is someone has a friend there and is looking for deductible trips.

Hey Pup, I’ve been meaning to ask, what’s good to do with leeks? They was cheap at the marmers farket, but I’m not sure how to best use them.

You can always force braggard Englishmen to eat them raw.

Potato and Leek soup springs to mind. Gently steamed or sauteed, they also can be quite a cool veggie side dish. Maybe wrapped in a cheesy sauce.

Iraq-style grids that suffer more brownouts than Doughy Pantload’s underoos.

Stolen!
Referring to skidmarked underoos is a hobby of mine. I will endeavor to make sure that the tem “brownouts” takes a further hold in the scatological lexicon.

/tips hat
.

Good to know. Excellent website especially on topics like bird control devices.