The kindness of wankers
Posted on August 2nd, 2011 by
ABOVE: Stephen Stone (not Craig T. Nelson)
Shorter Stephen Stone, RenewAmerica:
Special message: Update and thanks
- I don’t have health insurance but that’s ok because youz all are paying my hospital bills.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Why so soon? The previous thread still has that New Thread Smell.
MOOCHER! LOOTER! PARASI-Oh, wait, white guy. Never mind.
We’re hoping to negotiate a minimum settlement with the hospital once its bill arrives.
Meaning the hospital will charge other people more to make up for the shortfall. Like abortion, socialism is OK this time because this case is different and special and he really NEEDS it, not like when other people do it.
so he’s just another person who has seen the self-awareness fairy sneak into the room and just when it was getting out it’s magical wand of self awareness… bang! another victim of the castle doctrine.
We’re hoping to negotiate a minimum settlement with the hospital once its bill arrives.
are you fucking kidding me?!?!? really? the fucking hospital saved your life you dumb fucker…and you got a bunch of strangers to pay for the rest of the costs. fuck me, this is really too much…now i know why all the contributors to renew america look like they are on leave from the hospital for the criminally insane…it’s because the president of the fucking place is off his fucking nut!
See, when other people get charity it’s because they’re leeches on society and it’s totally theft and Communism.
When I get charity, it’s because God reached down from the heavens and opened your wallet to give me money.
So this guy’s onenna those Christwire parodists, isn’t he? C’mon, you can tell me, I won’t spill. Man, those guys are sure hard to tell from real religious nuts. Their parody is letter perfect on tone. Brilliant! A++
Why did he have medical “science” fix the gift of illness Jesus gave him?
Always works. ALWAYS.
‘Cause Jesus was aimin’ at that strapping young buck next to him and missed. Don’cha know nuthin’?
So when my duodenum burst, I put my trust in God
Always works. ALWAYS.
Hey, wasn’t He the guy who made it so shoddy that it burst in the first place?
ABOVE: Stephen Stone (not Craig T. Nelson)
i’m thinking more powers boothe…
So when my duodenum burst, I put my trust in God
“Dear Lord, please handle my shit.”
We’re also nearly done building a home by ourselves on our small farm
oooh! i found a pictureof it!
I think the Craig T. Nelson connection is his “I’ve been down and out. I’ve been on Food Stamps. Nobody ever bailed me out!” quote.
“Thankfully, I was otherwise in excellent health when my duodenum gave out, the doctor said — or I might have had more difficulty handling the surgery, or going days without food as my digestive system mended — and for this, I’m deeply grateful to divine Providence.”
The doctors I suppose have to settling for sucking on his newly reconstructed diddlydoowop or whatever its called. Also, what’s the big deal about some dirtwater city in Rhode Island? Can someone explain this to me?
I think the Craig T. Nelson connection is his “I’ve been down and out. I’ve been on Food Stamps. Nobody ever bailed me out!” quote.
ohhhhhhhh…thanks! does craig t realize that if he was on food stamps somebody was indeed bailing him out?
He was in there poking it with His Mighty Finger.
8 home schooled kids. How is it that these weirdos are so fertile?
At least he thanked the marks, normally that wouldn’t happen.
If he had , heaven forbid, died would we be seeing a bitter letter from the wife attacking those who didn’t pray hard enough? I guess we only hear about the successes.
“Thankfully, I was otherwise in excellent health when my duodenum gave out, the doctor said — or I might have had more difficulty handling the surgery, or going days without food as my digestive system mended — and for this, I’m deeply grateful to divine Providence.”
also too, shouldn’t providence have kept his duodenum from bursting in the first place? and as such, shouldn’t stephen be looking forward to hanging with god 24/7 up there? why did he show such weakness and ingratitude by going to a doctor? who he fully disdained before it was his ass on the line? and what’s with having anesthesia? why didn’t providence give him the strength to cheap out even moar on his surgery? why didn’t he just bite on a stick while the doc sawed him open with a rusty knife providence found in the parking lot?
The “Invisible hand” of the freemarket better stay out of my diddlyduodendum that’s all I have to say.
if he and his family are truly self-sufficient, why did he go to a fancy, new-fangled hospital? what a softy.
Also, what’s the big deal about some dirtwater city in Rhode Island? Can someone explain this to me?
I’ve been to Providence, I didn’t find it all that divine.
“How is it that these weirdos are so fertile?”
The Trojan Man works for the devil.
8 kids? Jeezus lady, it’s a vagina, not a clown car.
He was in there poking it with His Mighty Finger.
I had taken a sip, but not yet pulled the glass from my lips, so I can only assume almighty God loves my monitor. Thanks, Big Guy!
If he had , heaven forbid, died would we be seeing a bitter letter from the wife attacking those who didn’t pray hard enough? I guess we only hear about the successes.
To be fair to the wife, it’s usually not the ones praying who get blamed – one is grateful to them for trying so hard, and they are often as shocked by a bad outcome as anyone – remember, a lot of people really think there’s a personal God who answers prayer, and is good and just.
8 home schooled kids. How is it that these weirdos are so fertile?
At least he thanked the marks, normally that wouldn’t happen.
He can have 8 kids because he has marks to pay for their needs. Shit, sometimes I wish I didn’t have a conscience, because I think I could make a decent cult leader.
8 kids? Did they negotiate a minimum settlement with the hospital on each delivery?
The Trojan Man works for the devil.
I think I saw that movie; it had Keanu Reeves and Anne Hathaway, right?
I’ve been to Providence, I didn’t find it all that divine.
I found the services at the Starry Wisdom Church to be quite interesting– who needs enlightenment when endarkenment can be had?
In all seriousness, I hope this asshat’s kids don’t have any serious health problems.
8 kids? Did they negotiate a minimum settlement with the hospital on each delivery?
It’s cheaper in bulk. And if you’re a return customer the frequent flyer points add up
I’m deeply grateful to divine Providence
I’m afraid you’ve made a little ol’ mistake there. It’s called Provincetown, darling, and yes it’s dee-VINE!
He’s almost rediscovered the public thing, there.
It’s cheaper in bulk.
Buy 10, get 1 free!
The miracle of birth
The miracle of birth
8 kids? Did they negotiate a minimum settlement with the hospital on each delivery?
only the first 3 were delivered at the hospital…the rest were at home with midwives…which i assume they paid off with chickens or some such…
The miracle of birth
am soooo afraid to click on that link…
the rest were at home with midwives
which i assume happened when they went to the hospital with child #4 and were introduced to the hospital’s new payment plan: c.o.d.
only the first 3 were delivered at the hospital…the rest were at home with midwives…which i assume they paid off with chickens or some such
I think you’d have to pay with copper wire for a birth, I mean that’s a lot of work, there.
The miracle of birth
am soooo afraid to click on that link…
That’s why I posted twice, the first one is completely safe to click on.
I think you’d have to pay with copper wire for a birth, I mean that’s a lot of work, there.
not in steve’s world…after all, he wants to negotiate for major surgery…i shudder to think of how he coerces his wife to sleep with him…
8 kids? Did they negotiate a minimum settlement with the hospital on each delivery?
Well, when they originally spawned, 85 kids chewed their way out of the egg case, but, after the typically period of cannibalism, only 8 survived.
The miracle of birth
oh…ha! one of my faves…
The miracle of birth
And here’s the machine that goes beeeeeeeeep!
The miracle of birth
and now i have the sacred sperm song in my head…
“We’re hoping to negotiate a minimum settlement with the hospital once its bill arrives.”
All kidding aside this is the main reason the costs of heath care are skyrocketing. This guy really needs to be called out. This is infuriating.
The organization is for ALL people who consider themselves loyal Americans. It has no philosophy, image, or agenda beyond this one unifying premise: America must return to its founding principles if it is to survive.
RenewAmerica is thus nonpartisan and nondenominational.
This guy really needs to be called out. This is infuriating.
i kNOW! i am so pissed off it’s not even funny…
sending wonderful friends and supporters of RenewAmerica to our aid
Beggars can’t be choosers.
The organization is for ALL people who consider themselves loyal Americans. It has no philosophy, image, or agenda beyond this one unifying premise: America must return to its founding principles if it is to survive.
RenewAmerica is thus nonpartisan and nondenominational
They also embrace all religious viewpoints, as long as those viewpoints are Christian, Protestant, and Evangelical.
They also sell cars, available in any color, as long as it’s black, and they play both kinds of music: Country AND Western!
“We’re hoping to negotiate a minimum settlement with the hospital once its bill arrives.”
I have clients like that.
I have clients like that.
Me too.
“We’re hoping to negotiate a minimum settlement with the hospital once its bill arrives.”
Hoping? You’ve got a house full of kids and your healthplan is hoping?
Of course if the hospital says pay up in full you could always declare bankruptcy and blame illegal aliens for driving up costs.
What a Friend We Have in Jizzes?
are you fucking kidding me?!?!? really? the fucking hospital saved your life you dumb fucker…and you got a bunch of strangers to pay for the rest of the costs. fuck me, this is really too much…now i know why all the contributors to renew america look like they are on leave from the hospital for the criminally insane…it’s because the president of the fucking place is off his fucking nut!
They’ll say it’s charity because the other people, not the government, voluntarily donated.
This, of course, is why EVERY citizen has a voice at Renew America with which he can hit up thousands of total strangers for help paying his hospital bills. (And I’m sure they’d all be just as ready, willing and able to pay up for the Jose Miguel Rodriguezes and Mohammed Husseins of the world).
What was even more offensive to me is the endless drumbeat of “thank God, thank God, thank God,” with barely an acknowledgement of the highly trained hospital staff that performed the actual life-saving operation. It’s an “I don’t owe pesky human beings anything” arrogance I’ve seen in fundies like him before.
They’ll say it’s charity because the other people, not the government, voluntarily donated.
agreed, but to essentially get most of it paid for, except for the actual hospital part to have the fucking gall to want to *negotiate* with the institution that provided alot of the fucking care? this man has me so fucking pissed off i almost feel wingnutty!
What was even more offensive to me is the endless drumbeat of “thank God, thank God, thank God,”
i know…by that logic, isn’t it god who burst his duodenum in the first place? has steve ever considered that maybe he hasn’t been a good enough christian and that’s why he had an intestinal bomb? or maybe god just got sick of steve being a tool and smote him…
What a Friend We Have in Jizzes?
thanks! now i have ‘every sperm is sacred…every sperm is great…’ mingling with ‘what a friend we have in jizzes…’
i am going to the circus tonight…that organ music ought to mix nicely with those two…
New rule!
If you don’t believe in science, you shouldn’t have science-based medical treatment.
Go to church and let Jesus heal you, shitheel!
And stay the fuck out of my hospital!
They pray to God knowing full well there is a network in place to take care of their emergency medical needs no matter what.
I could make a decent cult leader.
I suppose there are decent cults around. Doesn’t have to be Branch Davidian crazee. The Big Bad Bald Bastard works great a cult leader name.
All cults must have a name.
There was great Bible-thumping name in an old Firesign Theater piece: The Powerhouse Church of the Presumptious Assumption of the Blinding Light.
I can only think of one: Orthodox Hedonists.
you shouldn’t have science-based medical treatment.
Mebbe Steverino is a Christian Scientist.
A quick search of “Obamacare” in the RenewAmerica archives:
Obamacare root canal repeal — the time is now
Obamacare is 21st century eugenics (a five part series)
Transgenderism and Obamacare
Pulling the plug on Obamacare
Obama to gut Medicare to pay for Obamacare
Obamacare furthers black genocide
Repeal Obamacare
Obamacare one year later, creeping “death panels”
Obamacare will create doctor shortages
Obamacare is NOT what we-the-people-want
Obamacare: not a slippery slope, but a cliff
Obamacare vs. America
You’re everywhere. You’re omnivorous.
— Homer Simpson, Homer’s attitude to God
I can only think of one: Orthodox Hedonists.
I have a running joke with a friend of mine about “Church of Christ, Hedonist”, which would feature midnight techno “mass”.
Heh… midnight ass…
which would feature midnight techno “mass”.
do we have to sign anything?
Bay: I musta missed that episode. Thanx.
do we have to sign anything?
Maybe a Meat Beat Manifesto…
Please don’t think badly of me. It would have been better for the world if he HAD put his trust in gawd. Shame he didn’t die.
America must return to its founding principles if it is to survive.
Yeah, I remember learning how in 1795 the new nation refused to pay back its debt to France in full, with Alexander Hamilton negotiating a minimum settlement instead.
Disclaimer: I am waiting for my Vicodin scrip to get filled, after a particularly difficult surgical extraction of a molar. Still, I would prefer he died. Painfully.
There must be liturgies and religious observances as well.
We must unroll the Budweiser prayer beach-towel and face Vegas, the Holy City twice every evening: At the start of Celine Dion’s first show … and Wayne Newton’s late show.
Also need some distinguishing religious head covering. (Perhaps Saint Spearfoc, he of Many Hats can guide us here.)
We definitely needs some Extremely Odd dietary laws. (Pup?)
Sinatra’s will be done!
Stephen – it’s not too late, you could still die. Here, let me help.
A quick search of “Obamacare” in the RenewAmerica archives:
Ooh, how about unemployed single mother eight kids welfare?
Fenwick, I got it here.
You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don’t work in real life — uh, Christianity.
— Homer Simpson, telling what religion the family belongs to
Pup: Ouch! What foods are you planning for your recovery period?
Ya’ll do know “My duodenum burst” is TalEvangical code for “Should have used a smaller butt plug. Or barnyard animal.”
Just making sure.
The novocaine is wearing off. Too. GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VICODIN NOW! Sweet, sweet vicodin.
Arky said
GUFFAW!
Also need some distinguishing religious head covering. (Perhaps Saint Spearfoc, he of Many Hats can guide us here.)
That’s a no-brainer, laddie!
Ooh, how about unemployed single mother eight kids welfare?
That’s totally different because she’s probably a negress, and definitely a Jezebel.
spear: Sorry for the typo in yer nym. Fortunately–like TinTin–I have Special Exemptions granted by Zeus is own self. (Indeed, I am listed as TinTin in the Sadlies’s Secret Identity Roster. So are you, btw.)
Soft foods. Gin, mostly.
Don’t be such a meanie
Hurry with the vicodin martini
Hello doctor.
Hello. You seem to be experiencing some discomfort.
Yes, I’m hurting real bad here.
Hey, aren’t you Stephen Stone, from Renew America?
Ye…yes, oh God, oh God, Doctor, can’t you do something, now!
It hurts, doesn’t it?
Yes….yeeaaagh.
Where, exactly?
Are you..yooyyyoouu serious?
Of course I’m serious. A misdiagnosis would be an invitation to a lawsuit, no?
What?
A lawsuit, you know, medical malpractice?
Oh forget that, I would nnnneeevveer, oh God, please make it stop!
Right, they all say that. Sign here. Here, take my pen, here, hold it like this, that’s right.
Oh God, oh god. Okay. I’ve signed it…now please give me something.
Not so fast. Wouldn’t you like to pray first?
Pray?
Yes, pray. You know, to God Almighty, our boss.
Okay…okay…..okay…..oooohhh. Dear God, please give me the strength..oh God…
That’s not exactly the prayer I had in mind.
What…oh God…..oh please doc..
I thought we might get the whole family in here, the wife, the eight children, by the way, how’s the beet crop?
Please….oh God, please help me.
Hold on a second. Nurse, could you get me a couple of tylenol please.
Oh God, you’re gonna take tylenol now? Now!?
Oh no, these are for you. Expensive too. Forty dollars each.
I was thinking of starting a cult that worships money and power, but then I realised the GOP already existed.
BBBB: Perfect headcovering: The contents of the vessels can hold miraculously transubstantiated Hedonist beer. We still need priestly raiment, though. Including special hats.
Excavating at the care home on Churchhill drive is ongoing since I moved down the street last October, they dig a hole, they fill it with gravel. rinse and repeat. Gunfire is frequent there, the residents change often. Earlier this week, one Brenda Huegle was in the area, and I’m almost certain was at the care home, and in fact was the person who fired the shot. She abducted me many years ago, and made me forget by making me ill. Brenda Huegle did at one time work in care homes, and many died in her care. She’d come home and say, another one died. A parapalgic youth died in her “care”, sometime during the night she mysteriously managed to flip herself over and was smothered by the pillow. That’s the story anyway. She was given an award from Luther Care. When I was young, she arranged for men to sexually assault me, providing they paid a fee. She’s a monster, and she’s armed and dangerous. Brenda has a new sort of stun gun, as well as a firearm. She is trained in torture techniques. She has harmed my children, and prevented me from seeing them. They are now being harmed by Walter Roy Francis, who is a child molester, sex offender and murderer. I do not know where they are.
I was in the hospital recently and witnessed nurses cleaning up a crime scene in the middle of the night. The smell of blood permeated the entire floor. There was screaming in the night, and there are tunnels between the floors, that allow for abuse and the removal of corpses.
It has come to my attention that nazi prostitutes are now abducting children and bringing them to the prisons. There is innocent, guilty, men, women and children in holding cells together.
Eveyone knows that population control is an official agenda in China. Everyone knows that the babies are being murdered, especially females. Some people don’t know that there is no such thing as SIDS. Some people don’t know that The School (it’s so prestigious it needs no other name) has observation rooms that some children spend weeks on end taking care of babies, with no direct supervision. They are encouraged to kill the babies, and some of them do. NO ONE IS HELPING THE BABIES!!
Now, the nazis are instructing people to kill as many babies as possible. It’s carnage. Of course there are still abductions occuring. The world health organization WHO, the un UN are facilitating and funding the nazi policies. nazi’s come in all shades.
Sincerely, I have no name.
Is there already a cult that wears bowlers? If not, I call it.
Is there already a cult that wears bowlers? If not, I call it.
Rodert: Always fun reading your dialogue.
Steve Reeves
Taunt and spit at him on the way to the hospital. Make him view ultrasounds of his doudenum and talk to a counselor before he can proceed.
“But, but, but, it’s just a medical procedure!”
America’s only hope is that someone, somewhere is building a self-awareness ray. In the meantime poor chuckleheads like this will be fighting tooth and nail from their god given right to die broke at the hands of the health insurance industry.
<i.Stephen – it’s not too late, you could still die. Here, let me help.
i lol’d…
Okay, so that wasn’t what was preventing me from posting. Wonder what it was.
Sweet, sweet vicodin
ooooh…percocet is my fave…but my doc is onto that and limits me severely…damn his eyes!
Mebbe same ISP somethin as previous version cutsy/pasty troll, who seems to be back.
cutsy/pasty troll, who seems to be back.
do.not.like.
Excavating at the care home on Churchhill drive is ongoing since I moved down the street last October, they dig a hole, they fill it with gravel. rinse and repeat. Gunfire is frequent there, the residents change often. Earlier this week, one Brenda Huegle was in the area, and I’m almost certain was at the care home, and in fact was the person who fired the shot. She abducted me many years ago, and made me forget by making me ill. Brenda Huegle did at one time work in care homes, and many died in her care. She’d come home and say, another one died. A parapalgic youth died in her “care”, sometime during the night she mysteriously managed to flip herself over and was smothered by the pillow. That’s the story anyway. She was given an award from Luther Care. When I was young, she arranged for men to sexually assault me, providing they paid a fee. She’s a monster, and she’s armed and dangerous. Brenda has a new sort of stun gun, as well as a firearm. She is trained in torture techniques. She has harmed my children, and prevented me from seeing them. They are now being harmed by Walter Roy Francis, who is a child molester, sex offender and murderer. I do not know where they are.
I was in the hospital recently and witnessed nurses cleaning up a crime scene in the middle of the night. The smell of blood permeated the entire floor. There was screaming in the night, and there are tunnels between the floors, that allow for abuse and the removal of corpses.
It has come to my attention that nazi prostitutes are now abducting children and bringing them to the prisons. There is innocent, guilty, men, women and children in holding cells together.
Eveyone knows that population control is an official agenda in China. Everyone knows that the babies are being murdered, especially females. Some people don’t know that there is no such thing as SIDS. Some people don’t know that The School (it’s so prestigious it needs no other name) has observation rooms that some children spend weeks on end taking care of babies, with no direct supervision. They are encouraged to kill the babies, and some of them do. NO ONE IS HELPING THE BABIES!!
Now, the nazis are instructing people to kill as many babies as possible. It’s carnage. Of course there are still abductions occuring. The world health organization WHO, the un UN are facilitating and funding the nazi policies. nazi’s come in all shades.
I have pleaded with the Saskatoon City Police and the Canadian military to help, to no avail. I was on the Mickey Mouse club, if anyone knows my name.
Sincerely, I have no name.
Pfft, it’s not called Oxy-cotton for nothing.
Spear: Well, there were the Droogs in Clockwork Orange, of course. The Droogs, however, were unorthodox Hedonists–heretics all!– and therefore tshunned by those who are Pure of Heart.
Unfortunately bowlers are out, Spear. Other suggestions?
G-o-o-o-a-a-al !!!
Homburgs, then?
Mmmm, gin and Vicodin. What could possibly go wrong?
How do you get the Vicodin to stay on the edge of the martini glass? Or do you submerg it like an olive?
America must return to its founding principles if it is to survive.
Translated for literate people: Stop reading this piece now. There is nothing of value in this writing
America must also be the land of home and the free of the brave it she is to survive!
The British are coming and I told those guys in the red coats they can’t have are dam guns!
Open throat, insert….
Don’t they get tired of regurgitating the same logicFAIL again and again?
Perfect! Homburgs may clash with the other priestly vestments–tee shirts(*), bemuda shorts, and beach clogs. But as long as the homburgs are bright day-glo colors it should work.
(*) I must warn you: You risk grave doctrinal heresy in the matter of tee-shirts. Beware apostasy!
Mmmm, gin and Vicodin. What could possibly go wrong?
NEEDS A FAST CAR!
Imagine he really says “LIBERALS!”
Homburgs, then?
Tyrolean hats, because Lowly Worm is a player.
Perfect! Homburgs may clash with the other priestly vestments–tee shirts(*), bemuda shorts, and beach clogs
Hedonists have no need of raiment! Skyclad’s the only way to go!
I…think I’m going to be sick.
I have a Tyrolean, actually.
Skyclad’s the only way to go!
Not Saran Wrap™?
That’s because all medical personnel everywhere are trained by Jesus.
Translated for literate people: Stop reading this piece now. There is nothing of value in this writing
oh, this was good!
That’s because all medical personnel everywhere are trained by Jesus.
Damn, that picture sorely needs the Raptor Jesus treatment, with the caption, “You gonna eat that?”
Skyclad’s the only way to go!
Not Saran Wrap™?
yeah…let me drop another 20 and then we can talk…i would need lots of saran wrap right now…
Damn, that picture sorely needs the Raptor Jesus treatment, with the caption, “You gonna eat that?”
that was almost a granola bar out the nose, mister!
Leaving for vacation in the morning, so here’s the question…
Going to the airport in my “Zombie Osama bin Laden” cosplay: good idea or bad idea?
Going to the airport in my “Zombie Osama bin Laden” cosplay: good idea or bad idea?
i think that depends on how much you want to get felt up by tsa…but you know, afaf…
Leaving for vacation in the morning, so here’s the question…
Where ya headed, lucky ducky?
Going to the airport in my “Zombie Osama bin Laden” cosplay: good idea or bad idea?
BEST IDEA EVAR!!!
i think that depends on how much you want to get felt up by tsa…but you know, afaf…
tsam don’t roll like that!
i shudder to think of how he coerces his wife to sleep with him…
I imagine the concept of “marital rape” doesn’t exist in his world.
Going to B.C. to visit family. I think they’re somewhere in the Cretaceous period.
Damn, that picture sorely needs the Raptor Jesus treatment, with the caption, “You gonna eat that?”
‘Give her D cups.’
‘Fuck off, Jesus. It’s just a tonsillectomy.’
Ahhhhhh. Home. Vicodin down, please kick in soon, please?
I was going to say something about a night ride on the SV1000 but that would probably be safer – I’d fall over before releasing the clutch. Somebody have an Aston Martin to loan me?
This post about WAAAH WE GOT CALLED TERRORISTS! has a really terrific and incoherent comment thread.
a really terrific and incoherent comment thread.
You couldn’t get me out of the boat for that if you tied me to an anchor and pushed me off the side.
That’s because all medical personnel everywhere are trained by Jesus.
That picture looks more like “No, no, don’t cut that. Cut over here. No, pull that out of the way first! No, you’re going too deep! MYSELF! Get out of the way and I’ll show you how to do it, Doctor Kildaire!”
I suppose there are decent cults around.
LMGTFY.
let me drop another 20 and then we can talk
Lightweight. These days I need at least 500 micrograms to feel anything.
Coming soon on Discovery Health channel: “JESUS: Life In The E.R.”
This post about WAAAH WE GOT CALLED TERRORISTS! has a really terrific and incoherent comment thread.
After the entire period between 2001-2008 my heart just fucking bleeds for ’em.
I’m not an expert on duodunals, but I just have to wonder. If he had been getting regular check ups or perhaps talked to a docter at the first signs of discomfort, rather than praying for relief, would this expensive surgery even have been nescesary?
Sez who?
Be sure to wave at the clown car.
“That incredible infrastructure that was ready and waiting to act and save my life? God put it there just for me. I don’t need to pay for any upkeep or anything.”
I believe the Term of Art is G.O.M.E.R.
Get out of my emergency room.
Fitting in this instance for several reasons.
I’m locked into baseball.l There was a wonderful mis-pronunciation by the announcer: He referred to the ‘designated Hitler’….
Heh.
Also too, Tyrolean hats are cool.
I knew the designated Hitler rule was the work of the devil!
Did they remove the man’s orange toupee before the operation?
Spear: In case you turn in early tonight, have a good journey and good time in B.C.
That degree of orangeness is taken to denote sterility.
Designated Hitler: Before you invade a country, make sure you have a designated Hitler!
Did they remove the man’s orange toupee before the operation?
Surgery through the top of the head was the indicated way of reaching the duodenum while minimising injury to healthy tissue.
I always wanted to be a cephalopod so that my gullet could go right through the middle of my brain!
“Designated Hitler: Before you invade a country, make sure you have a designated Hitler!”
World affairs just haven’t been the same since they instituted the designated Hitler rule.
um, 500 micrograms of hydrocodone isn’t very much at all. didn’t even know they had that dosage. try moar and you’ll feel better.
Alternate even shorter shorter: GIMME GIMME GIMME!*
(No link because someone still cares enough about Black Flag to yank unauthorized you2bage. Yay!)
*Works for most fReichtard outpourings, mostly.
That’s because all medical personnel everywhere are trained by Jesus.
“Yep, right there’s where I fucked up his duodenum……………”
From Sub’s link, some happy mangos:
The media is playing mind games with people. They are saying the Democrats got defeated, etc. blah, blah, blah just to assuage the wounds of low information voters who really haven’t a clue what just went down in this deal. The tea party just got rolled, BIG TIME. They didn’t really get anything. No BBA. No entitlement cuts. No having Obama address this issue before the next election. Need I go on? Since I’m not a numbers person I won’t even go into the accounting gimmicks. However, let’s just say that they don’t add up. If you have to look for crumbs here and there you got a bad deal. As one representative said, “a sugar coated satan sandwich.”
Democrat “political defeat”? I must have missed it. Was it before or after we gave them another $2.4 trillion to blow on vote buying?
Is Herman Cain a secret Muslim?
http://thinkprogress.org/security/2011/08/02/284104/frank-gaffney-herman-cain-muslim-brotherhood/
Or is Frank Gaffney secretly working for Michele Bachman.
Sorry, forgot link.
http://thinkprogress.org/security/2011/07/29/283215/gaffney-bachmann-foreign-policy/
Thanks. I’ll have Internet access and a lot of free time, so I’ll still be around. Just not tomorrow. No wifi on the plane. Bastards.
And, yes, Tyroleans are indeed cool.
Why does that make me think of the made-for-TV movie Kelly Bundy starred in: Madame Curie: Noted Scientist or Sex-Crazed Whoremonger?
“FOX network viewing positions, everybody!”
Yeah. I don’t think he’s talking about opiates there.
500 mics strongly suggests something a touch more colorful.
Of course, the kids these days think 150 is a lot, if you can find it at all.
I think the Craig T. Nelson connection is his “I’ve been down and out. I’ve been on Food Stamps. Nobody ever bailed me out!” quote.
Mr.Nelson also mentioned unemployment in that tee vee rant.
==============================================
I care about Black Flag, but that’s why I want them on YouTube.
Close enough for rock & roll.
That is, Nelson rec’d. unemployment & food stamps while between acting gigs.
Only form of human life lower than musicians? Actors. If we discount terminal lepers. Curable lepers are higher on the chart than musicians & actors.
DJs don’t qualify as human, if you were wondering.
I remember Alfred Hitchcock on The Dick Cavett Show. Dick quoted at him that he supposedly said “Actors are cattle.”
“No, no, I never said anything like that. I said: ‘Actors should be treated like cattle!’ “
“Society needs actors. Otherwise, who’d drive the cabs?”
I wish I could remember which film that’s from.
DJs don’t qualify as human, if you were wondering.
radio or dance club?
Two vicodins, two martinis later. S’all good.
It’s getting better all the time….
A-fucking-HEM.
Let’s check these lyrics (from my memory)
Sitting here like a loaded gun, I’m waiting to go off
I got nothing to do but shoot my mouth off
That’s ME we’re talking about. NOT a fReeper. Those guys are Dust in the Wind or some lameass, bad moustache having shit.
Two vicodins, two martinis later. S’all good.
It’s getting better all the time….
Good god, I wish I was you right now.
The only musicians who are low life forms are the ones who still have their haircuts from 1986. The rest of us got jobs and do it for fun instead of trying to scam a place to sleep from some recently divorced cougar, FYVM.
Good god, I wish I was you right now.
undoubtedly!
also, the circus was pretty lame…i was mostly fascinated by the roustabouts…talk about hard work, holy crap…and almost everybody was from south america…except for the elephants which came from oklahoma…who knew?
radio or dance club?
Yes, ha ha. I’m vamping on an Albert Brooks bit where he refers to radio DJs introducing concerts as being lower than curable lepers, but not quite as bad as terminal lepers.
P.S.: I have spun platters (They were licorice pizzas then!) & blathered on the radio. Prisoners at the Washington State Penitentiary in Walla Walla loved me!
Prisoners at the Washington State Penitentiary in Walla Walla loved me!
THAT WAS YOU?
Wait–disregard that.
i also blathered on the radio and still do part time
To this day? Hey–you’re still off the smokes, right?
To this day? Hey–you’re still off the smokes, right?
yes indeedily! and i managed to lose 20 pounds in the process! yay me! how about you…you still off the smokes?
oh, and yeah…to this day…radio is hard to get out of the blood..plus it’s basically free advertising for my real job…
yes indeedily! and i managed to lose 20 pounds in the process! yay me! how about you…you still off the smokes?
Still not smoking but I’ve GAINED like 20lbs or so. Congratulations! Well done.
What city does your station cover? (You can decline to answer any of these questions if you aren’t comfortable giving out the info–I wouldn’t be offended in any way)
Also, not smoking… and trying to help others (and make a buck) do the same.
.
Also, not smoking… and trying to help others (and make a buck) do the same.
We had like a Great Sadly Smokeout up in this piece. I love it. That’s a few thou worth of sick money that won’t be going into the hands of Repig Senators and fucking farmers and tobacco companies. One little step at a time.
oh, yeah…i don’t feel comfortable answering any questions…
Just a hunch, but this seems a little sarcastic.
Indeed.
Just a hunch, but this seems a little sarcastic.
indeed…you know me well, sir!
and jp…well done, you!
Thanks again, tsam and bbkf — you Sadlynauts inspired me, truly!
.
it’s nice to know that being part of this bunch of degenerates has served a purpose…
How the fuck do you quit smoking AND lose weight?
No, don’t lie. I know it involved a pentacle*, 2 dozen black candles, five newborn babies and a wood chipper. You healthy Satan worshiping, baby shredding asshole.
*Dear Pagans – Sorry, the comment wouldn’t work without the pentacle.
I just read this entire thread and the copy-pasta troll got that damn Ting Tings song stuck in my head. I demand he and I negotiate a minimum payment.
Oh, fuck, never mind.
Holy fucking shit you guys, Wisconsin Republicans officially don’t give a shit anymore about trying to come off as anything other than the Belarus of the US.
Well, I’m ashamed (and if you know me from Eschaton, you can skip this as I’ve told the story a few times, there). I once quit smoking for three whole years. Got to exercising, got in good shape, was getting the diet to a good place… WHAM! Gall stones.
I’m in a backwater, but only 60 miles from civilization. The doc at the ER says, “Nope — we gotta admit you — that’s gotta come out in the morning.” Not being a medical doctor, I didn’t argue, which is unfortunate… they didn’t yet have a laparoscopic surgical suite, so they took mine out the same way they got grandma’s. Five days on time-metered IV Dilaudid, and the hospital didn’t want to let me go, then, as I was planning to go home to an empty house. The doc finally made me call some friends from the hometown, who arranged to pick me up from the hospital, and take me home with them for a week or so.
In February. And both the friend and his wife were chain smokers (and may still be).
I could NOT lay in that recliner all day, stoned on whatever happy pills I was prescribed, breathing that noxious stuff. But lighting one and taking a drag or two made it feel better.
On the ride home the next week, I stopped and bought a pack, and the rest… well…
.
(doubled posted because new thread, sorry if I’m bothering anyone with that)
Apparently not.
Duodenal perforation. Caveat, I don’t know Mr. Fucking Asshole’s medical history, but I bet that it didn’t all of a sudden perforate. It was probably a peptic ulcer that was giving him trouble for quite some time before it became a serious enough problem to do something about. I imagine it probably went something like this:
Oh God! Oh it hurts so, like a burning lance in my stomach. Oh Almighty Lord! Save me from this agony! This is the third time this week that the pain has broken me in two!
repeat week after week until
Oh Lord! I know my POOP isn’t supposed to have blood in it! Sweet Baby Jesus! But if I am strong in my faith then I shall persevere and emerge triumphant! I’m sure that the blinding stomach pain is totes unrelated and this will all clear up with a bit of time and prayer.
repeat week after week until
BrrrlllaAAAAGGGGHHHHHHOOoofF! Oh God!
Stephen! Are you okay?By the good graces of God!
I was referring to your barfing all over the dinner table.It’s not your cooking. I just have this tummyache. I’m sure it’s nothing and,,,
Stephen! There's blood in your vomit!Uh, well it must be a sign of my,,,bbbbrRRRraaaaLALLFFFF!!
That's it. We are going to the hospital.Oh no woman. We will place our faith in the Lord. He shall surely send a sign* showing us what we mus,,,gggHHHUUUUULLLLPPHHH!!!
Hospital. Now.*Reminds me of the joke about the guy who drowned in a flood and the punchline goes – Then God said “You were waiting for a sign? We sent you three boats and a helicopter!”
But seriously. Damn it, that had to hurt like a sonuvabitch. And clearly he’s a True Believer, so maybe his adamant refusal to have his chronic abdominal pain looked at by a medical professional really is a tenet of his Faith*. Or maybe it’s a justification for his stubborn assholishness – that “seeing a doctor” is too bothersome so he’ll keep on going with the excruciating torture of having his insides being eaten out.
Possibly a contributing factor may have been his lack of health insurance. That he couldn’t afford a trip to the doctor to have his ulcer looked at and managed before it became life-threatening. Because I guess, emergency surgery and hospital care ended up being so much cheaper.
This is just one of the many ways that the fucked up private medical insurance scam is blowing up health care spending. Single payer might have headed off this problem and saved a lot of resources. Even if we judge by Stephen’s blatant obtuseness and lack of self-awareness and assume that he’d hace still avoided seeing a doctor earlier – or after seeing the doctor, refusing to give up his thrice weekly five-alarm chili dinners. Even in that case, the cost of the surgery would have been borne by government. That being unfortunate enough to be stricken with an easily treatable medical condition wasn’t going to lead to financial ruin or death. But apparently that’s not what government is for.
As a religious man and devout Christian, Stephen Stone probably professes to give a lot of consideration for the less fortunate. I wonder if he has even thought about the people who might get into the same medical situation he found himself in, but didn’t have an infestation Freepi to dun for funds. Just kidding – I’m pretty certain that he’s given no thought whatsoever to it**.
*If your Faith requires you to endure repeated bouts of searing white-hot pain and refuse medical attention for it – then I would have to say that your Faith is “not a good one”.
**see Chris at 23:24 on what teh whole “private charity should be doing this instead of gubmint” thing means. That little things like basic medical care should only go to the rich, and the ones that the rich designate as worth saving.
Oh, one moar thing from insomnia-land. If you go to the dunning page, you’ll see this:
I knew there had to be liberals at fault for this.
Why do I read this as “asked to account for/return the embezzled funds.”? I mean, it’s not even the same number of letters or anything.
Yeah, I’d be guessing duodenal ulcer. If that were the case, he would have had previous bouts of excruciating pain.
The message is ‘All through these bouts of pain my faith in the Lord never wavered. See how hard I was faithing?!?!?‘
So afterwards, his family and readers think ‘goodness, such faith this man has. Enduring the pain of a duodenal ulcer brought on by the stresses of dealing with libruls day after day. My hero!’
Way to gamble with your livelyhood, father of eight. Dickhead.
*livelihood
Also from the link at the bottom of the page,
Enemy? Seriously? WTF are these people on?
Ulcer? Check.
Huge, unmeetable hospital bill threatening bankruptcy and the loss of all you’ve worked for? Well, okay. As long as we don’t get any socialism on anything.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu………………..
More dirty shit in Dairyland.
Well, poop. I had to play hostess last night and it looks as though I missed out on a thread fairly overflowing with LULZ.
Spear: In case you turn in early tonight, have a good journey and good time in B.C.
But whatever you do, for Raptor Jesus’s sake, don’t step on the butterfly.
How the fuck do you quit smoking AND lose weight?
No, don’t lie. I know it involved a pentacle*, 2 dozen black candles, five newborn babies and a wood chipper.
Or needle drugs.
“As far as our medical costs are concerned, the donations we’ve received have been just enough to cover the bills we’ve received to date”
You see, I make donations to people who need health care as well. It’s called a monthly insurance premium, you fucking moron.
It’s a shame that when the surgeons were patching up Stone’s intestines, they didn’t take the opportunity to remove his head from there.
I always get to wondering about stuff like this. So where does god draw the line? It’s awesome he stepped in and helped this guy with his dude-thing, but what about all the people who have cancer? How come god isn’t doing anything about that? If prayer were enough, you’d think there’d be fewer sick and dead people around. Or is this guy so fucking special god took time out from smiting gay aborters to save his sorry ass? Cuz if so…wow, srsly, god?
How come god isn’t doing anything about that?
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
But hurricanes and tornadoes and floods!
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
But Rebecca Black is being taken seriously by the music industry while thousands of talented indie musicians are still busking!
Mysterious. Ways.
God is a bastard!
How the fuck do you quit smoking AND lose weight?
No, don’t lie. I know it involved a pentacle*, 2 dozen black candles, five newborn babies and a wood chipper.
Or needle drugs.
smut wins!
Surgery through the top of the head was the indicated way of reaching the duodenum while minimising injury to healthy tissue.
DKW is a complete bastard for ruining the joke I was scrolling down to make. What. An. Asshole.
Why do I read this as “asked to account for/return the embezzled funds.”?
I read it as “Bush et al were ALL liberals!” but yours does have the ring of truth.
The Big Bad Bald Bastard works great a cult leader name.
plus, I can fill in as the prophet who rises from death….
Tintin: are you sure you’re not Kirsten Boyd Johnson?
http://wonkette.com/450540/jonah-goldberg-sickened-by-sight-of-gabrielle-giffords-because-of-sarah-palin
“Society needs actors. Otherwise, who’d drive the cabs?”
Tom Friedman’s imagination?
i also blathered on the radio and still do part time
“radio”? what is this “radio”?
“radio”? what is this “radio”?
it’s the tool of the devil…
God is a bastard!
dingdingdingding!
Not a Bald one though.
Hmmmm,
God is a bastard!
DKW is a complete bastard
Is this why he has mommy issues?
Well, poop. I had to play hostess last night and it looks as though I missed out on a thread fairly overflowing with LULZ.
Picturing you in a Twinkie the Kid outfit…
“Two vicodins, two martinis later.” My sister-in-law died from a Vicodin overdose, but it wasn’t the hydrocodone that killed her; the acetaminophen caused her liver to fail. Fun stuff. I try to avoid alcohol and Vicodin, because the acetaminophen reacts with the alcohol to cause acute liver toxicity, especially if one is in the habit of drinking five or six nights a week.
DKW is a complete bastard for ruining the joke I was scrolling down to make.
AHEM.
ROFL! I see Twinkie suffers the same indignity Donald Duck does.
Dude, I quoted yours.
I must return from retirement to announce that I am personally hand-strangling this idiot in the name of God. There’s a limit.
Mr. Stone is the poster child for what’s wrong with people.
hey speng!
Actually it’s pretty difficult to declare personal bankruptcy for medical bills, thanks to the Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention, Consumer Protection and Billionaires Shouldn’t Have to Pay Taxes Act of 2005.