I’m telling you–his wife is Cindy McCain, only poorly dressed.

Maybe that’s her disguise.

Broder. DEAD.

My love of existing, and the hard work of being a true and factual thing, is what led me to convince all of those crazy motherfuckers that I am fake.

And the proof of God’s forgiveness is that He has made me rich.

There is nothing worse than a right-wing, authoritarian, misogynistic Catholic who happens to be a Calvinist.

If god really loved him, she’d have lent him one of her bras.

Broder. DEAD.

His new, reasonable position is six feet under the ground!

Pathetic.

But God has now completely forgiven me, so who are you not to do the same thing you know just like I did when Clinton was caught cheating?

I swear, the religious right as a clean-slate-wiper for GOPers works wonders. George Wallace, Richard Nixon, now Newt Gingrich.

Dammit, ‘slayer, I was JUST going to say how nice it is they can share bras, what with having the same cup size and all, but DENIED.

There is nothing worse than a right-wing, authoritarian, misogynistic […] Calvinist.

You repeat yourself, friend.

That is some serious pasty white.

I’m telling you–his wife is Cindy McCain, only poorly dressed.

Maybe that’s her disguise.

Nah, they just came from the same robotics factory.

I swear, the religious right as a clean-slate-wiper for GOPers works wonders. George Wallace, Richard Nixon, now Newt Gingrich.

That whole notion of being “born again” is a real cop-out. A few years back, I really got some poor fundie-girl upset when I told her so.

Dammit, ‘slayer, I was JUST going to say how nice it is they can share bras, what with having the same cup size and all, but DENIED.

tigris, I’m starting to think you and I are having some tug of war over this small allotment of of jokes. Clearly we’re both brilliantly funny! The edge just goes to the person with faster fingers or better timing.

Stepford, Connecticut is beautiful this time of year.

There is nothing worse than a right-wing, authoritarian, misogynistic […] Calvinist.

You repeat yourself, friend.

Mebbe, but the whole “prosperity gospel” thing has never really taken hold in Catholicism, which posits that faith alone won’t lead to salvation, but that good works are necessary. Unfortunately, many Catholics believe that “good works” consist of harassing poor, worried girls who are about to make the most harrowing decision of their lives.

That is some serious pasty white.

Look, some of us can’t help it, okay? Would you rather I get skin cancer???

So if Newt runs, should Values Voters not vote for him in order to protect marriage, or is Newt going to promise to half-ass any position he’s elected to in order to avoid the temptation of sleeping around.

The edge just goes to the person with faster fingers or better timing.

That’s what SHE… *scuttles away*

Mebbe, but the whole “prosperity gospel” thing has never really taken hold in Catholicism, which posits that faith alone won’t lead to salvation, but that good works are necessary.

Yeah, that’s one good thing for Catholicism, for sure.

You know, it occurs to me that Conservatism is sort of like Calvinism, only on earth.

Newtie toots!-

You’re looking for somebody who should be, ideally, the unifier of the nation

In a sense, our Judeo-Christian civilization is under attack from two fronts. On one front, you have a secular, atheist, elitism. And on the other front, you have radical Islamists. And both groups would like to eliminate our civilization if they could. For different reasons, but with equal Passion.”

darn tags

The edge just goes to the person with faster fingers or better timing.

NOT FAIR!

Poor Tintin. Nobody around here posts for weeks except him, and then he gets posted on top of twice in, like, four days.

You want to be able to look into them and understand, do they share my values? Do they know what I’m frightened of?

Who would Jesus bomb?

But what does it say about this poor woman that she would fall for this guy?
He seems to sucker them in pretty good.

Mebbe, but the whole “prosperity gospel” thing has never really taken hold in Catholicism, which posits that faith alone won’t lead to salvation, but that good works are necessary.

This. Not just Catholicism either, and the idea has Biblical backing: “What you did not do for the least of these, you also did not do for me.”

Yeah, that’s one good thing for Catholicism, for sure.

The big problem with Catholicism is a major shift to the right after the reforms of Vatican 2. As much as Pope John Paul 2 was beloved by most Catholics, he was very conservative from a doctrinal standpoint, and he was adamantly opposed to the “Liberation Theology” then popular in Latin America- most likely his understandable loathing of Soviet style communism made him leery of anything that smacked of socialism.

Of course, having Ratzi as his right hand man was a friggin’ disaster.

Allow me to make the rather facile observation that patriotism is clearly a threat to traditional marriage. It must be outlawed.

Dear Newt:

Screaming “Oh God! Oh God!” as you are cumming is not asking forgiveness.

ANOTHER NEW THREAD!!!! ANOTHER NEW THREAD!!!!

He seems to sucker them in pretty good.

I think money helps.

Do they know what I’m frightened of?

Let’s see, you’re 67 with 3 marriages, a crappy political reputation and you’re asking Jeebus for forgiveness?

My geuss it’s your own mortality.

Screaming “Oh God! Oh God!” as you are cumming is not asking forgiveness.

Thanks, fish.

Who has the brain bleach?

I told my wife and my girlfreind too
Don’t cheat on me and I’ll be faithful to you
They laughed in my face as I told my lie
It hurt so bad I pretended to cry

I see through you
I can see through you
I see myself when I’m looking at you, I see through you
I’m a hypocrite too

The Psychodots

The big problem with Catholicism is a major shift to the right after the reforms of Vatican 2. As much as Pope John Paul 2 was beloved by most Catholics, he was very conservative from a doctrinal standpoint, and he was adamantly opposed to the “Liberation Theology” then popular in Latin America- most likely his understandable loathing of Soviet style communism made him leery of anything that smacked of socialism.

You either stand for human rights and human dignity everywhere and regardless of who threatens them, or you don’t. If you’re only for it when it’s convenient, you should not be preaching morality at people. It’s bad enough when governments do it in the pursuit of realpolitik: when you claim to be speaking for a God’s eye, universal morality, you should be able to do better than that.

Of course, having Ratzi as his right hand man was a friggin’ disaster.

See, I’ve never been on board with the across-the-board tendency to revere JP2 and revile Ratzi. The man was one of JP2’s closest advisers, and to the best of my knowledge, his preachings are largely in line with his predecessor’s.

He wasn’t nearly as charismatic, nor did he have the same inspiring backstory (suffering and opposing Nazi and Soviet oppression both), so I tend to think a lot of people who had issues with John Paul’s Vatican but didn’t dare, or couldn’t bring themselves to accuse him, took it all out on his successor. But as Popes, they haven’t differed as much as all that.

Who has the brain bleach?

Oh sure! Get after me bufore, but now you go for the all over.

Is it my imagination or has S,N been incredibly laggy today? Who put whiskey in hamters’ water?

You want to be able to look into them and understand, do they share my values?

Let’s see- oppression of women and gays, intrusion into people’s personal lives… yeah, the Christian and Islamic fundamentalists pretty much share the same values.

Do they know what I’m frightened of?

Yeah, the same things you’re frightened of- independent thinkers and independent women.

See, I’ve never been on board with the across-the-board tendency to revere JP2 and revile Ratzi. The man was one of JP2?s closest advisers, and to the best of my knowledge, his preachings are largely in line with his predecessor’s.

It’s a age thing, I guess (GET OFFA MAH LAWN!!!)- JP’s anti-Soviet schtick and his homespun “Polish peasant” charm allowed people to overlook his authoritarian and right-leaning attitudes regarding the role of women in the church, and sexual matters of all stripes.

That is some serious pasty white.

that’s an awesome photoshop! wait…what? good thing his wife is blind…wait..what?

Poor Tintin. Nobody around here posts for weeks except him, and then he gets posted on top of twice in, like, four days.

Twice in two days

and sexual matters of all stripes.

JP2 pretty much blamed pedophile and abusive clergy on too much secularism in society.

Twice in two days

and i had some effing brilliant comments two threads ago…dammit!

Twice in two days

Yeah, but who’s counting?

Twice in two days

🙁

Damn, my memory is getting really bad.

snort or is it snot? LOL
You are feeling picked on aren’t ya’ Just flinging those labels around like they were confetti…..
I’m just hoping the looney right wing doesn’t flush our whole country down the toilet. You are apparently unaware of the danger at your back, sweetheart.
I don’t want to hear you complain for. one. second, when. the. rug. gets. pulled. out. from. under. your. ignorant. ass.
Judeo-Xtian civilization is what I would like to see back again. Where people spoke and debated civility, instead of ranting hatred. Buffoon.

debated civility

i don’t think there is a debate about civility…

In a sense, our Judeo-Christian secular civilization is under attack from two fronts. On one front, you have a secular Judeo-Christian extremists who find atheists around every corner (as if not holding the same beliefs is wrong), and anti-elitism. And on the other front, you have radical Islamists Teahadists. And both groups would like to eliminate our civilization if they could. For different reasons, but with equal Passion [sic]”

Fizixed for greatest accuracy!!

Oh, and Dear Congressman Pastylegs:

I might not be a Biblical scholar, but I’m fairly certain that if you claim to love teh Babee Jebus, yet go around trying to deny the poor and the sick access to health care and/or any form of assistance, YOU’RE DOIN’ IT WRONG.

Seriously. Go back and read that book you claim guides your life, because you obviously missed the point, you ignorant, hypocritical, fuckfaced douche bag.

—

Sorry for the rant. I just hate me some Newt.

Before your brain explodes, snort, it ain’t hatred i write, it’s exasperation, anger, and stark raving fear of what you and your partners in crime have done to my freaking country!
Work together to solve problems. Nope.
Spread light instead of darkness. Nope.
Listen to the other side of the issues. Nope
Think Faux is really News? Yep.
Believe the corporatists are on your side? Yep.
Think you will come out of this in one piece/ Yep.
As I said. Buffoon.

Oh, and I posted on this thread in solidarity with Tintin, whose posts keep getting pushed down more than the head of one of Charlie Sheen’s hookers on blowjob night.

(Too much?)

Oh, and where’d actor go? I ask because I get the feeling I missed something …

Um … Em Hoop?

I think Snort was quoting Newt earlier and just goofed the tag. Those weren’t his words — those were Newt’s.

I could be wrong, but I’m fairly sure Snort is a dedicated lefty.

And if I am …

**clears throat**

FUCK YOU, SNORT!

😉

Em Hoop said,

March 9, 2011 at 21:49

Huh?

bbkf
Pardon, please, my typo. You are correct. Undebatable.

How much wil I have to love my country to qualify for that three-way with the 17-year-old twin acrobats?

(Human women—I doubt I can love Merka enough for anything much more uh ‘exotic’, though I probably could spring for she-male orangutans did I but want such.)

Newt loves America just like he loves his wives. You always hurt the ones you love.

Whenever I see a photo of this guy, I believe his furniture says, “Get off me!”

Forever etched in my mind is the vision of Newt retiring to his office during lunch break at the impeachment, sitting down at his desk, with the future Ms. Newt underneath it.

Mmm! Doughy!

Ms. Newt underneath it

i have to believe that glass she is holding straight up full of whiskey…

I think the GOP’s worst liability in 2012 will be the fact that they have run a Republican.

… have TO run a Republican.

I go back sleep now.

Those moobs of his are just obscene.

That whole notion of being “born again” is a real cop-out. A few years back, I really got some poor fundie-girl upset when I told her so.

I called it the “get out of hell, free” card, to be used over and over. The fundie I mentioned it to was upset also. It’s cute when their brain starts to melt and they lash out.

Thanks for defining modern conservatism, Newt.

Thanks, Newt!

That’s how you know God is a Republican: He only forgives other Republicans.

There will be those Evangelicals who can’t get past Gingrich’s transgressions from earlier in his life. But let’s remember. Evangelicals know all about grace and redemption, too.

The outsized influence of forgiving Christians is why there is no death penalty in the US.

Hey, he didn’t say they know grace and redemption in the Biblical sense.

Oh the newt has…
Diabetes…
And his legs are
Pasty white!

Sung to the tune of Mac the Knife…

Oh that Newt has/
manly boobies/
and his chest hair/
is shiny white!

Yes he cheats ‘cos/
he’s a patriot/
and his leg skin
is pasty white!

Mark D: “Go back and read that book you claim guides your life, because you obviously missed the point, you ignorant, hypocritical, fuckfaced douche bag.”

The Missus: “Let’s see, that’s in Timothy, is it?”

posts keep getting pushed down more than the head of one of Charlie Sheen’s hookers on blowjob night.

But…in Charlie’s world, EVERY night is blowjob night!

Can you imagine if he’s elected President? It’ll be like Christmas for adulterers across America. “Yes, honey, I did screw the cocktail waitress at the convention, but it’s because selling toilet brushes is hard work and I love America. Besides, the President says it’s OK and he’s our commander-in-chief!”

I LOVE AMERICA ERGO PENIS!

Whoa, them moobs. Looks like I picked a good night to get me a six-pack of IPA.

You want to be able to look into them and understand, do they share my values? Do they know what I’m frightened of? Do they have answers that are real? Are they stable; are they capable of doing something?

The idea of Newt possessing actual values is hilarious to the nth degree – like McCain in 2008, it’s plain to see that he’d happily sodomize his mother with a lit blowtorch if it got his stubby paws on the Nuclear Football. What he’s frightened of is not being important enough any more to get invited back to Meet The Press or yet another CNN Round Table at which to bloviate: once an attention-whore, always an attention-whore.

Capable? Gingrich has proven himself capable of EPIC FAIL over & over, from his year-plus Crusade O’ Ratfuckery trying in vain to ruin Clinton (whose ratings promptly went UP when Newt & The Bluenose Brigade nipped at his heels over an illicit BJ) to his pathetic fall from power to his ongoing mail-order scam thinly disguised as “Awards” for wealthy patriotic Americans.

The scary thing about him is that he’s by far the smartest candidate the GOP has, & arguably the most uncompromisingly sociopathic to boot. “Libs are terrified of Palin” is little more than an ironic punchline; “libs are terrified of Gingrich” is not at all unreasonable, given the reeking cesspool of FUD he’s turned US political discourse into since circa 1994. Teabaggers & FOX NEWS hairdo-platforms alike loyally use his “negative buzzword” template to this day, as do Boehner, Cantor et al – because it works. GOP Strategery 101: In a system where so many stay home on voting day, you really DO only need to fool some of the people some of the time.

It’s one thing to be an advisor. It’s another thing to be a doer. And then it becomes a summary judgment, a lot of it’s just gut instinct.

Going with your gut worked out so peachy-keen for the LAST corporate butt-boy they put in the Oval Office – hot damn, let’s do it agin, Bubba! I wanna see what happens THIS time! YEEEEE-HAW!

Gingrich 2012: Because Jesus Told Me To Bomb Iran.

Em Hoop said,

But what does it say about this poor woman that she would fall for this guy?
He seems to sucker them in pretty good.

He mu$t have $omething the$e female$ find arou$ing, but I $ure can’t $ee what it i$.

Pass the sickbag Alice. Further comment is superfluous.

Now is the time for all good men to come for the aid of their country.

Apparently, I now have higher standards than god.

You know, if you look closely at that picture, you’ll notice that Gingrich is built exactly like Nero.

Seriously, I’ve seen many movies about ancient Rome, and if you cut his hair in bangs, give him a fiddle and a muu-muu, Gingrich is the spitting image of the soft, doughy emperor who fiddled around while his community burned to the ground.

Remarkable, really.

RE: “the proof of God’s forgiveness is that He has made me rich.” – Newt
MY SNARK: You mean casino magnate Sheldon Adelson is G_d? I had no idea. I expected G_d to be taller than 5’4″.
http://www.alternet.org/news/134214/is_the_twice-divorced_newt_gingrich_converting_to_catholicism_for_a_2012_run?page=entire

Being a Republican covers a multitude of sins.

God may forgive you and trust you Newt, but I sure don’t.

If he wins, will she be called the Third Lady?

vacuumslayer: (On Newt’s masculine attraction) “Money helps.”

Yes. Money goggles are amazing things.

This should play well with the idiot GOP base. Anyone would be hard pressed to find a group of people this gullible.

He is surrounded by forgiveness. It is closer to him than the blood in his veins. Yet, it cannot touch him, will not touch him, because he is incapable of genuine remorse. Affectations of remorse and sorrow, deployed as a tactical maneuver will not work, no matter how skillfully he executes his play-acting. He will never figure this out.

Wifey 3’s face (why bothering to give them names) always seems to look like a life-size Barbie Doll. The clothing not so much. Plenty of botox in that face I suspect. Maybe that is the only way she can keep a straight face when her “faithful” hubby speaks.

It would not do if she burst out laughing every time the clown does his act.

I wonder who told the Newt that God had forgiven him? Was it God, Jesus, or the image advisors who told him to get back in the good graces of the radical religious right?

so this wife du jour… does she know newt called her a chevrolet and not a jaguar like his second wife???

If Newt Gingrich could not be Speaker of the House except by cheating on his wives how would he handle the pressure of the White House?

Newt’s picture makes me wish the run for President involved some real running.

The reason I am a devout atheist is that the god most others believe in is apparently a Conservative Republican.

Don’t blame this idiot on us, Catholics, Wife #3 told him to convert. See Reptards can get married as many times as they want, it re-affirms family values to be raising toddlers when you’re sixty-two, plus it creates jobs for Swedish aupairs.

By converting to Catholicism, he was able to get his first two marriages annulled (within the Church, that is). That means he never committed adultery, because the marriages never existed. Fornication and sodomy, yes, but adultery, no.

This photo raises a question:

Is America doomed to be ruled by fat, pasty, porcine people in suits?

Its threads like this that make me long for that ole time fire and brimstone religion. The ole Testament God would have blazed a bolt of white fire and turned Newt into a pillar of salt.

The Raisins-The Bears-The Psychodots. Also.

Newtie represents everything that is wrong with Christianity and especially the faith he embraced only recently, Catholicism. For one thing, Catholicism condemns divorce, yet it allowed this serial divorce’ to be baptised into the RCC. Hypocrisy. For another, Christianity allows forgiveness of sin simply by apologies to “God” and, in the case of Catholics, utterance of mumbo jumbo done by rote and meaningless praxis. No sin is too great. You simply sin, then ask for forgiveness. After his next divorce, Newt can donate money to Rome and all will be forgiven. I don’t know about you, but I don’t see myself helping finance the Poop’s life of luxury at Castle Gondalfo any more than I want to finance priestly pedophilia. Newtie wants to impose Catholic values on America. That is a dangerous plan. Need one say more?

with apologies for bloggular self-promotion, this thread reminded me of a recent post.

You either stand for human rights and human dignity everywhere and regardless of who threatens them, or you don’t.

Spoken like a Massachusetts intellectual elitist. Probably a Jew also.

She has helmet hair. Ladies in Texas use half a can of hair spray to keep those monsters under control. Hit em with a bat, they won’t feel it.