FRIST? Or Maher?

I prefer Maher. Frist is actually a consolation prize. And THANKS for the flag about the new thread!

Gonna finish reading the last thread. And I ain’t gettin’ out o the boat!

oh. my. aching. ass.
how the hell am i supposed to get to sleep after reading that?!?

Bilo: Terrific comment about the Paris sewer system in last thread.

you know, it was opined that today is historically the most boring day in sports news. judging by the flurry of s,n! activityi would like to point out that it is also a day chock full of teh crazy..

Let’s hope […] that the perpetrator is swiftly sentenced to death,
Also, liberalism is a CULTURE OF DEATH.

Whaaaaa? I got lost here:

“… the Marxist-loving, Hitler-loving, Bible-hating, atheistic pothead radical leftwinger Loughner…”

I know you are but what am I?

In the ancient civil code of Israel, the community in which the murder had been committed had the responsibility to carry out justice. The standards of evidence were very high — no one could be sentenced to death without the testimony of two or three eyewitnesses — but when the standard had been met, execution followed.

It’s worth nothing, by the way, that if biblical standards of evidence were still followed in America’s judicial system, as they once were, you would have only an infinitesimal chance of sending an innocent man to death row. Too many are sentenced to die or to long prison terms today based on the testimony of a single witness. That’s exactly how you get innocent people sent away for life. Once again, the Bible is the solution, not the problem.

Note to self: kill the hooker where NOBODY CAN SEE.

The wingnuts seem to have painted themselves into a corner. On the one hand, they really want Loughner to be insane, because five minutes’ assessment of his writings and history marks him as a particularly flagrant wingnut; on the other hand, they want him to get the death penalty, which is off the table if he’s judged insane.

The smarter ones among them dread the idea of an open courtroom with li’l Jared giving forth his manifesto of precious metals and abortion as terrorism–they want him committed pronto.

Note to self: kill the hooker where NOBODY CAN SEE.

Starting next season on the Left Behind Network: ‘CSI: Gomorrah’

Waded out of the boat, just to confirm what SubMick doth quoted, then jumped back in, tearing piranhas from my toes:

It’s worth nothing, by the way, that if biblical standards of evidence were still followed in America’s judicial system, as they once were, you would have only an infinitesimal chance of sending an innocent man to death row.

(Emphasis mine.)

Yes, the death penalty is always a barbaric injustice, decried by Thomas Paine as a method by which monarchies had brutalized their aptly-named subjects. He passionately argued against the death penalty, using the same methods by which he had mocked your organized religion, and with as little rational response from his targets.

“Mister” Fischer — and I mean that with the full force of the very Christian Ben Harper — your claims are indeed worth “nothing”, and have remained so, for the centuries that our once-proud republic has existed. If I believed in an eternal afterlife, I would hope you would spend yours in the celestial version of the Islamic Republic of Iran, where you richly belong.

Since I don’t believe in any of your risible mumbo-jumbo, I sincerely pray hope you someday suffer waterboarding, then drawing and quartering, in full view of all your male offspring, for any offense for which the Old Testament authors decreed the death penalty. It’s the least a just society could do.

David Caruso: Lieutenant, can you run forensics on the suspect’s vestal garments?

Perky Shiksa: Sure thing, boss!

[One hour later]

Perky Shiksa: Captain, we found trace elements of blood matching our suspect’s DNA …

[Cut scene to tightly edited sequence showing the horned Moabite storm god Baal raping the suspect just before her wedding night]

David Caruso: I think it’s about time we paid our, ahem, ‘virgin’ a little visit …

[CSI: Gomorrah forensics team heads for the exit of the lab, each picking up a stone on their way out]

[‘Who Are You’ blasts over the credits]

That’s funny, I just posted this over at Zandar’s fortress of intellect this morning:

A completely unregulated militia, being necessary to defend against the threat of Negroes, Jews, Ay-Rabs, Catholics, Socialists, Immigrants, Anchor Babies, and Fascist Democrats to our Beloved Freedom and Christian Way of Life, the right of Real Americans to keep and bear pistols, shotguns, rifles, muskets, assault carbines, grenade launchers, machine guns, fully-automatic weapons, potato guns, street sweepers, slugthrowers, zip guns, tasers, hand cannons, paintball markers, siege weapons, and phased plasma rifles in the 40 Watt range, and all ammunition and accessories for the aforementioned, and all advocacy for keeping, bearing and using the aforementioned, shall not be infringed.

Best recited in the Texas Drawl of Maj. J.T. ‘King’ Kong, of course.

LEFTY LEFTY LEFTY LEFTY LEFTY LIBERAL COMMIE LEFTY. Also, Democrats have totes politta-sized the tragedee.

Didn’t you know George Washington got the ten commandments at Valley Forge?

…tightly edited sequence showing the horned Moabite storm god Baal raping the suspect…

I suggest drawing it out as l-o-n-g as possible (if you get my drift). Maybe slow-mo. And multiple angles. Not that I’m thinking about how pr0n (especially involving ancient gods) will increase audience share, you understand.

Rather, it’s that–so far–we only have four lines of dialogue to cover the whole episode. So, yeah, that’s the ticket. We really need the extended slo-mo! Also for bold, artistic vision. And other stuff, too.

barf. is it a willful misinterpretation of MLK? an attempted holiday tie-in? evidence that he’s never really read any of his writing? does it matter?

bughunter: Ditto! Thanks for posting your excelleny Amendment over her at Dadly,No! too. You are clearly a Consitutional scholer who can kick lie-bural ass!! ROFLLMAO !!!!1!!11

LEFTY LEFTY LEFTY LEFTY LEFTY LIBERAL COMMIE LEFTY.

Not any more, since I’ve discovered that I can blame all my problems on abortion! Or the Left, Professional or otherwise.

is it a willful misinterpretation of MLK? an attempted holiday tie-in?

It’s the annual “MLK was really a Conservative” mass rationalization and delusional soiree. As far as I can remember, it started about the same time as the War on the War on Christmas.

I always look forward to the pageantry!

Didn’t you know George Washington got the ten commandments at Valley Forge?

I know that, pal. But the moonbats over her got no fuckin’ clue! LOL! ROFLMFAO !!!!111!!!!!!1!!

I always look forward to the pageantry!

Me too! My special favorite is the Parade of Gigantic Inflatable Balloons! It’s even niftier than the Ethel and Agness Awards!

Proposed Rule for this thread: ‘Dudeskull’ must appear somewhere in the text of any comment on a serious topic. Hide it wherever you want! It’s like playing Where’s Waldo.

Now that I seem to be alone, I could Seize Contol of the Thread with pointless essays on arcane subjects.

Or insert pointless autobiographical anecdotes! I’ve got some subversive ones, too: I used Bob Dylan lyrics as a ‘cadence call’ when marching around trainees at Fort Leonard during basic. Or the time when I shocked the Watch Office by announcing–with evident admiration–“I really like the Russians!”

But, of course, that would be wrong. So I’m going to go read. Have fun!

VS: Thanks for consolidating the drinks recipes on your site. They were great when sprinkled in the S,N! thread. Even funnier when you read them all together. I hope you get lots of hits!

‘Change of venue for Loughner: perfectly terrible and unbiblical idea’

This is true. Nowhere in the bible is there mention of a “change of venue” prophecy. Interestingly, some scholars believe that if Jesus had only been tried in Dudeskull instead of Jerusalem, his sentenced may have been lessoned. Sadly, even dieties sometimes lack proper foresight.

Changing the venue is ‘unbiblical’? God and MLK agree?

Any other people you want to quote mine in support of your thesis?

And courts are supposed heed and determine the ‘biblical impact’ before rendering judgments now?

God and MLK back you up on that too, I see.

The wingnuts seem to have painted themselves into a corner. On the one hand, they really want Loughner to be insane, because five minutes’ assessment of his writings and history marks him as a particularly flagrant wingnut; on the other hand, they want him to get the death penalty, which is off the table if he’s judged insane.

Why do you assume they have the slightest qualms about executing the insane? As governor, W approved the execution of the mentally incompetent and the wingnut world applauded.

Palindrome. Genius.

Wingnuts are really good at shooting liberals themselves in the foot. Aside from the difficulties of finding an unbiased Jury in AZ, it’s a safe bet that Judge Roll was friends or cordial with every other AZ Federal judge. Changing the venue only makes it more certain than Loughner will be convicted and sentenced to death without (and this is key) the obvious grounds for appeal that the judge was biased against him by his personal connection to one of the victims.

A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear the jawbone of an ass shall not be infringed.

Is this some kind of attack on Palin?

Actually I am surprised they’re not screaming for him to be shipped to Gitmo and tried as a supervillain in The Vault under show-trial rules as a terrorist. Isn’t he too pants-shittingly scary to be tried in these United States?

Oh wait, he isn’t brown. Sorry, forgot that essential ingredient for the right wing terrah receipe.

Also if they’re fearing that a California jury won’t give him the death penalty because it will be full of bleeding heart liberals, not to worry. Jurors who object to capital punishment on moral grounds are routinely excused. It’s one of the sly ways that capital punishment perverts justice by filtering out precisely the sort of jurors who actually look at evidence and refuse to convict people where the State has not proven its case beyond a reasonable doubt.

His proposal would save this country millions. Since only three witnesses will suffice to convict someone of murder, all those expensive crime labs which collect physical evidence, and use unGodly science like that pro-Darwiniian DNA testing, could be eliminated.

all those expensive crime labs which collect physical evidence, and use unGodly science like that pro-Darwiniian DNA testing, could be eliminated.

The savings would be offset by the millions of people thrown of work by the end of the CSI and L&O franchises.

This is a terrible, terrible idea, and contrary to biblical concepts of justice.

That’s the part of the Civics test I got wrong: America is a _______________.

The fool I am answered ‘crazy fucking place’ while Mr Fischer points out the correct answer is ‘theocracy’.

I still think I should get partial credit.

It should also be noted that Fischer’s pronouncement that innocents would be spared if we relied solely on three eyewitnesses’ testimony followed by swift imposition of the death penalty is chart-toppingly stupid, since forensic studies have repeatedly shown that eyewitness testimony is often among the most unreliable forms of evidence.

The number of persons accused and/or convicted based on eyewitness testimony, only to be later cleared by perfect alibis or physical evidence like DNA is huge.

The savings would be offset by the millions of people thrown of work by the end of the CSI and L&O franchises

All the better. Throw those godless pinko hollyweird liberals out of work.

Their time slots can be filled with preacihing of the gospel and reruns of Davy & Goliath.

reruns of Davy & Goliath.

I anxiously await the splintering clay when D&G try to convert Gumby.

“… the Marxist-loving, Hitler-loving, Bible-hating, atheistic pothead radical leftwinger Loughner…”

You left out “Ayn Rand loving,” shit for brains.

The prophet Amos foresaw the need for justice in Tuscon?

Nostradamus is a fucking piker compared to this guy.

It’s worth nothing, by the way, that if biblical standards of evidence were still followed in America’s judicial system, as they once were, you would have only an infinitesimal chance of sending an innocent man to death row.

Sure. All you’d need would be God’s permission, and you could just go ahead and exterminate an entire race of people, women and children included (see Amalec).

Old Testament God; soft on killing the innocent. Yeah, sure.

Too many are sentenced to die or to long prison terms today based on the testimony of a single witness. That’s exactly how you get innocent people sent away for life. Once again, the Bible is the solution, not the problem.

I’m not a legal or criminal expert, but I imagine the reason why you needed two or three people back then was that eyewitnessing was literally the only way to “prove” anything. DNA testing and all the other CSI things have been invented in the meantime (despite all the best efforts of your Biblical solutions).

Didn’t you know George Washington got the ten commandments at Valley Forge?

This deserves a reiteration;

“[T]he Founding Fathers would have hated your guts…and what’s more, you would have hated them. They were everything you despise. They studied science, read Plato, hung out in Paris, and thought the Bible was mostly bullshit.”

This Is Your Theocracy On Drugs

As per usual, no?

“The number of persons accused and/or convicted based on eyewitness testimony, only to be later cleared by perfect alibis or physical evidence like DNA is huge.”

Back in the day, F. Lee Bailey would demonstrate this by having something unexpected occur at his lectures and then ask the “witnesses” what had happened.

Gary, you should be thanked for bringing so much freshness and deodorization to the vaginas of the world. None can compare.

Even more efficient: lynching.

Uh oh! The Right’s <a href="http://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2011/01/028167.php"love affair with Chris Christie might be ending, for he has committed wingnut’s #2 sin: he appointed a Muslim to the state judiciary. And not just any Muslim! This guy’s bad news. For example, his name is Mohammed! And he’s worked with the FBI and encouraged other Muslims to do the same, which is bad for some reason.

Motherfucker. Here’s the link.

“Vengeance,” by the way, is just a synonym for justice. You could look it up. See the dictionary: “vengeance: punishment inflicted or retribution exacted for an injury or wrong.”

Huh? Maybe I don’t understand what a synonym is, or how dictionaries work, but that may be the stupidest fucking sentence I have ever read besides “How is babby formed?”

Gary, you should be thanked for bringing so much freshness and deodorization to the vaginas of the world. None can compare.

Mine smells like conversation hearts! (I’m gearing up for Valentine’s Day.)

For example, his name is Mohammed! And he’s worked with the FBI and encouraged other Muslims to do the same, which is bad for some reason.

Beeeecause having people in the FBI who are familiar with the culture and language of terrists is a bad thing? Why are all these white, American, English-speaking Christians in the FBI, then?

the stupidest fucking sentence I have ever read besides “How is babby formed?”

First, define “babby.”

First, define “babby.”

Babby.

(Not linking directly to SomethingAwful, as I am at work).

Oh noes, Chris Christie failed his 6 degrees of Al Qaeda test.

(Not linking directly to SomethingAwful, as I am at work).

I know where it comes from. I was responding to your characterization. If “babby” is meant to be “baby” then it’s incredibly stupid. I live in hope that “babby” is short for some esoteric type of sculpture.

Chris Christie probably just appointed one of those imaginary guys celebrating 9/11 on New Jersey streets.

(For America’s judicial system) the Bible is the solution, not the problem.

That exotic taste treat Sharia Law is now available in a zesty new Baptist flavor.

You know who else’s name was Mohammad?

mark f said,
January 19, 2011 at 15:54

HOLY DOGSHIT!!!

The only question now is what side they’ll come down on. Either they’ll rationalize the Muslim as an exceptional “good Muslim” (like Ayaan Hirsi Ali, etc) or they’ll say Chris Christie’s betraying them just like Scott Brown… or they’ll just sweep this under the carpet and try never to bring it up.

Obviously Chris Christie has drunk the liberal cool-aid and eaten the liberal, cool aide.

Beeeecause having people in the FBI who are familiar with the culture and language of terrists is a bad thing? Why are all these white, American, English-speaking Christians in the FBI, then?

It’s been a recurring, if understated meme on the right that these experts are actually all moles passing information on to al-Qaeda.

There was a PJM video interview last year of a man sitting in the dark, Deep Throat style, that they claimed was an FBI agent who didn’t want to be identified, but who claimed that the FBI allowed known Muslim Brotherhood agents access to classified information that ended up back in terrorist hands.

You know who else’s name was Mohammad?

vs’ babby? Mohammad Dudeskull Slayer.

I know where it comes from. I was responding to your characterization. If “babby” is meant to be “baby” then it’s incredibly stupid. I live in hope that “babby” is short for some esoteric type of sculpture.

Ah. I apologize, for I am slow this morning.

You keep on believing that, N__B. I promise that nobody will snicker at your naivete.

“Vengeance,” by the way, is just a synonym for justice.

Ooooooo…… K.

Isn’t he forgetting the fact that there’s a shortage of judges in that area? First, because the fucking Republicans have blocked Obama’s nominations, and second, because some guy just shot and killed a Tucscon federal judge.

I promise that nobody will snicker at your naivete.

D-KW’s mom said my naivete was the biggest she’d ever seen.

What?

It’s been a recurring, if understated meme on the right that these experts are actually all moles passing information on to al-Qaeda.

I figured it existed, but was hoping it didn’t, because that’s so fucking retarded (sorry, Trig).

Again, I ask: have any of these people actually *met* any Muslims in their pathetic lives?

D-KW’s mom said my naivete was the biggest she’d ever seen.

I’m sorry to tell you this, but she says that to everybody.

I’m sorry to tell you this, but she says that to everybody.

Another bubble pricked.
~

A Nazi, liberal and a commie, sounds very confused

Another bubble pricked.Another bubble pricked.

I believe it’s spelled “babble.”

I believe it’s spelled “babble.”

My mom is not a pedophile. She may sleep around a lot but she doesn’t have sex with chil… uh.. I mean YOUR MOM’S THE WHORE!

Once again, the Bible is the solution, not the problem.

forget that pesky Constitution!

There was a PJM video interview last year of a man sitting in the dark, Deep Throat style, that they claimed was an FBI agent who didn’t want to be identified, but who claimed that the FBI allowed known Muslim Brotherhood agents access to classified information that ended up back in terrorist hands.

That was an episode of Family Guy.

Steven Tyler looks like somebody hit him in the face with a frying pan full of plastic surgery.

…It’s worth nothing, by the way, that if biblical standards of evidence were still followed in America’s judicial system, as they once were, …

We could still get rid of annoying neighbors by killing them as witches. Ahhhhh, the good old days.

“The murders of six innocent people by the Marxist-loving, Hitler-loving, Bible-hating, atheistic pothead radical leftwinger ”

Hey, go fuck yourself, Fischer. The lefties aren’t the ones telling any crazy who will listen that the government is not to be trusted. ENCOURAGING paranoia.

Is this Fischer d00d a Christian or a Jew?

If the former, than doesn’t Jesus’ “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” trump whatever the Hebrew Bible says about criminal cases?

If the latter, he should be reading TaNaKh through the lens of Talmud. And if you follow the Talmudic procedures, it’s very hard to get the death penalty. And while I don’t know the relevant parts of Talmud (I’ve mainly studied Talmud concerning commercial law as the leader of the Talmud study when I went was a lawyer who did a decent amount of commercial law), I’m sure the Rabbis would have been down with the whole idea of a change of venue.

Is this Fischer d00d a Christian or a Jew?

Both groups deny him.

“Vengeance,” by the way, is just a synonym for justice.
I am not accustomed to the usage of the word “synonym” to mean “mockery” or “perversion”.

Anyways, doesn’t he read that 2000 year old fish wrapper where it says “Vengeance is mine saieth the lord”? Romans 12:19 if I’m not mistaken.

Sweet babby Jeebus!

[Michael Steele] hopes to keep moving, and to continue playing a role in Republican politics. “Doin’ some TV here and there…[as well] there’s a presidential cycle coming up. I plan to play in that a little bit. Maybe a lot.”

Bachmann-Steele 2012!

Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.

Bachmann-Steele 2012!

It sounds better as Bachmann-Stalin.

Bachmann-Steele Overdrive 2012

Bachmann-Steele 2012!

Make it rain, Frasier Crane!

Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.

I’m not sure that quoting from Tarantino’s epistle to the suckas cuts any ice theologically speaking.

I figured it existed, but was hoping it didn’t, because that’s so fucking retarded (sorry, Trig).

It exists, but they don’t make as big a deal out of it as you’d think, probably because if they did, people would demand action. And if they took action, the same thing that happened to Joe McCarthy would happen to them; authorities would demand that they produce “the list” of moles so they’d know who to arrest, and they’d be left with egg over their faces because, of course, there is no such list.

Again, I ask: have any of these people actually *met* any Muslims in their pathetic lives?

I’m sure those of them who traveled to Lower Manhattan for Shreking 101 caught a glimpse of one or two of them.

Just wanted to share this with any who might have missed it. Two days ago on the Daily Show they had this to say in reference to Reince Priebus:

“I’m not saying he’s a dick from Wisconsin, but Brett Favre just texted me his picture.

Shreking 101

I’m all out of green body paint.

Another bubble pricked.

Better than a bubbling prick, I say. QUOTHA!

You know who else’s name was Mohammad?

Don’t it make you want to rock and roll all night long?

Bachmann-Steele 2012!

Bachmann Terror Overhype

“Vengeance,” by the way, is just a synonym for justice.

Oww, oww! Everybody’s eyes have been gouged out!

“Make it rain, Frasier Crane!”

Make it dribble, my bibble!

Once again, the Bible is the solution, not the problem.

So the guy should be crucified. Also, abortion is OK but the baby’s brains must be dashed out on a stone. In fact, strict Biblicalism demands the fetus be cut out with a sword.

Make it dribble, my bibble!

Make it sputter DKW’s mudder.

There must be 50 ways to kill a ticket.

OT: Mr. Slayer’s response to my suggestion of “Dudeskull”‘as a name…
“it’s better than some of the names you’ve come up with. “

It’s worth noting that the biblical standard for conviction was probably an improvement on what existed in the day, which was probably something slightly less rigorous than the “she’s a witch!” scene from Holy Grail.

BTW, there was a story within the last month on a guy who was wrongly convicted with 3 eyewitnesses who were coerced/convinced to testify against him. Anyone remember it, and can find a link? I read it in the WSJ.

I mean, we’re talking about a book that describes bats as “birds.” Maybe it isn’t a guide for everything in unswerving perfection?

Put on the cooking pot; put it on and pour water into it. Put into it the pieces of meat, all the choice pieces—the leg and the shoulder. Fill it with the best of these bones; take the pick of the flock. Pile wood beneath it for the bones; bring it to a boil and cook the bones in it.

Woe to the city of bloodshed, to the pot now encrusted, whose deposit will not go away! Empty it piece by piece without casting lots for them.

For the blood she shed is in her midst: She poured it on the bare rock; she did not pour it on the ground, where the dust would cover it. To stir up wrath and take revenge I put her blood on the bare rock, so that it would not be covered.

Woe to the city of bloodshed! I, too, will pile the wood high. So heap on the wood and kindle the fire. Cook the meat well, mixing in the spices; and let the bones be charred. Then set the empty pot on the coals till it becomes hot and its copper glows so its impurities may be melted and its deposit burned away. It has frustrated all efforts; its heavy deposit has not been removed, not even by fire.

Now your impurity is lewdness. Because I tried to cleanse you but you would not be cleansed from your impurity, you will not be clean again until my wrath against you has subsided.

The time has come for me to act. I will not hold back; I will not have pity, nor will I relent. You will be judged according to your conduct and your actions

I’m sorry, but this is much more important.

I saw the greatest hopes of my Christian nation destroyed by homosexuality,
penetrating, violating and ejaculating,

faith leaders and all-American jocks prowling Castro nights for angry leather studs,

suburban hipsters sparking ganja joints as they click through the skanky dilemma of Craigslist at 3am,

who Pumas and Chinese tattoos and herbal teas sat up contemplating lubricants and Lady Gaga,

who bared their buttocks on webcams and saw millionaire Manhattan sugar daddies conspiring to overturn the U.S. Constitution

And cetera.

Peter Cetera sucked but he was hardly responsible for the downfall of America.

“it’s better than some of the names you’ve come up with. “

Melcher Exxon-Indecipherable
Ants Levi
Tha Remonstrative
Counterproductive Woy
Divine Bareness
Tuhkatia Injection
Bleatingrooze Flotilla
Rick Freudianism
Whistles
Shoodshit
Answerer Rim
Fudprime Puquheeb
Locality Eraser-Sympathizer
Terrance
Tadtwirls Sub-Communion
Tims
Allocatable Wholesomeness
Wefbiopsies Hump-Dukes
Prickly Layvjugutwoyr
Rich Giruk
Malibu Charlie
Senator Yiwemooyayklod
Priam
Sprinkler Rescind
Qumardell Carey
Gregoriaci Lemfupehdor

I went to school with a Terrance. He shot a liquor store clerk and is in prison for at least another 10 years.

DKW’s mom presents a skanky trilemma.

“DKW’s mom presents”

Like a fucking baboon she does.

Peter Cetera sucked,,,

I believe that’s Substance’s cue to link the delightful Mr. Leonard Snerdley.

I went to school with a Priam. He threw a spear at a guy and was dragged to an altar and killed.

I went to school with a Priam. He threw a spear at a guy and was dragged to an altar and killed.

Man, you’re old. How’s Euphrates doing these days?

Malibu Charlie throws the best parties.

Substance, I think you should have inserted Reince Priebus into you list just to see if anyone noticed.

Man, you’re old. How’s Euphrates doing these days?

Don’t know, but the other Panthera say “hi.” Also: GRRRR.

OT again…had to share this because I feel like the heavens have parted and the light from DKW’s IPU is shining down upon me. So I’ve had an extraordinarily painful sinus infection for the past week. I’ve been in a pretty bad way and couldnt treat it because of Dudeskull. So I had to get us checked out by the doc today…and she gave me sweet sweet antibiotics (which will also treat the thing DKW’s dad gave me) and permission to take Tylenol cold medicine. I’m SO HAPPY.

I believe that’s Substance’s cue to link the delightful Mr. Leonard Snerdley.

Happy to oblige. Mr. Snerdley, however, is uncharacteristically angry in his treatment of Mr. Cetera’s works.

After breaking the collective hearts of the soft rock-loving populace by leaving the powerhouse group Chicago, Traitor Cetera made a half-baked attempt to reconcile himself with his fanbase by recording this stinker. It’s coincidental that the first track is titled “Big Mistake”, as if Traitor knew his leaving one of the premier groups of our time was the worst decision he would ever make.

Tag-time.

Or just make sure it’s Pedobear ftw.

“inserted Reince Priebus into you list just to see if anyone noticed.”

Rofl. I betcha nobody wouldve.

I think Divine Bareness is the hit of the lot.

” think Divine Bareness is the hit of the lot.”

Bonus: no need for a porn name

Mr. Snerdley, was Chicago really that great?

“…Religion is a sop and a leash. Religion is a poison precisely during a revolutionary epoch and in a period of the extreme hardships which are succeeding the conquest of power. This was understood by such a counter-revolutionary in political sympathies, but such a deep psychologist, as Dostoevsky. He said: ‘Atheism is inconceivable without socialism and socialism without atheism. Religion denies not only atheism but socialism also.’ He had understood that the heavenly paradise and the earthly paradise negate one another. If man is promised a hereafter, a kingdom without end then is it worth shedding his own and his brothers’ and his children’s blood for the establishment of a kingdom just like this here in this world? That is the question. We must deepen a revolutionary world-outlook, we must fight the religious prejudices in the youth and approach the youth, including those having religious prejudicies, with the maximum pedagogical attentiveness of the more educated towards the less educated. We must go to them with the propaganda of atheism, for only this propaganda defines the place of man in the universe and draws out for him a circle of conscious activity here on earth…” Lev Bronstein

Nobody names their kids “Lev” anymore.

The standards of evidence were very high — no one could be sentenced to death without the testimony of two or three eyewitnesses — but when the standard had been met, execution followed.

No one could evar find one or two people to lie about someone they didn’t like. Unpossible!

Actually, I am very pro death penalty. Especially for egregious acts of white collar crime. No joke. There are too many people on the planet anyway, and human life isn’t that precious… pretty much anyone can make more.

Quality of human life is precious, and I think prisons are a horrible waste of effort and energy as they exist now. People who must be locked away for life to protect society (or as punishment) just don’t need to be. I know it is society’s fault in many cases, and society should appologize profusely, but if a person can’t be let free in 5 years, then prison (as it exists now) will largely make sure they become even less able to cope when they do get out. What is the point? We spend so much effort and money creating a horrible, seperate, inhumane world to store criminals.

I do think the standard of proof on such things has to be utter certainty, either because they are clearly broken or they have proven they will do it over again.

Better prisons that actually are capable of reform are also mandatory for this idea as well.

Our criminal-industrial complex now is designed to make money. The people who make money use it to criminalize more people, making harsher laws, longer sentences, and generally producing more people incapable of living in society. It is used to strip voting rights from minorities. It has very little impact on “fighting” crime, at least compared to the many other ways the money could be spent.

No, I don’t think it would ever be implemented, but it is my “closest-to-right-wing” position. Except the part about killing white collar criminals, because they generally do more harm to society in the long run and likely create more violent and property crime through their actions.

Orly Taitz offers an invitation on a platter:

Often, when a person is feared, she is hated. What do some people with law IQ do, when they hate somebody, but cannot win an argument on the merits? They resort to retarded, infantile techniques. What out retarded members of the media do? They photo-shop and torture my pictures in order to make me look bad, hardly recognizable even by my own children. First, they paid some demented artist to paint inappropriate pictures of me. When that didn’t work, they started torturing my pictures to the point of me being unrecognizable. I am wondering how far this media retardation can go?

Heh, Orly Taitz. There’s another name that would fit nicely in Substance’s list.

Orly Taitz offers an invitation on a platter:

Well, there goes my free time for the next couple of days.

I’m beginning to think there may be a lesson here for vs. If you give your kid a bizarre name it might increase the odds that he’ll grow up a Rethuglican. Oh my!

it’s better than some of the names you’ve come up with.

Hawley Smoot
Skylas Dempster
Lane Narrows
Tuxedo Junction
Magnus Priapus
Uncle Albert
Ipso Facto
Doctor Dudeskull
Pontius Pilate
Captain Crunch
Rolland DeGrasse

If you give your kid a bizarre name it might increase the odds that he’ll grow up a Rethuglican.

Isn’t that right, Mr. President?

The standards of evidence were very high — no one could be sentenced to death without the testimony of two or three eyewitnesses — but when the standard had been met, execution followed.

Oh, and more recent instances abound. The Salem witch trials, for example.

What do some people with law IQ do, when they hate somebody, but cannot win an argument on the merits?

They usually become judges.

Orly Taitz offers an invitation on a platter:

She needs a higher law IQ.

All right, Louis XVI!… listen to me, smartarse, when you’re King of France,… you’ve got better things to do than go around all day remembering your bloody number!!

“Orly Taitz offers an invitation on a platter:

Well, there goes my free time for the next couple of days.”

OMG. You have to draw the line SOMEWHERE.

What do some people with law IQ do, when they hate somebody, but cannot win an argument on the merits? They resort to retarded, infantile techniques.

Reducto ad retardum.

You have to draw the line SOMEWHERE.

I was thinking a stack of pancakes with word bubbles saying “That doesn’t look like mum!”. Maybe also too, a waffle in a Leafs jersey. I’m going to mull it over and see what POOPS out.

You know who else’s name was Mohammad?

Zombie Rotten Mohammed?

it’s better than some of the names you’ve come up with.

Malcom Z
Snagglepuss
Kenny Boy
Kiwi Kiwi
Edmund Spenser

AK and thunder also mentioned Edmund Spenser. Curious…

You know who else’s name was Mohammad?

Cassius Clay.

How about…

Spencer Tracy

Malcolm X Wife

Mohammed Attaboy

Methyl Kennedy

it’s better than some of the names you’ve come up with. “

most guys would be okay with naming their son Dudeskull, I suspect.

Reince Priebus

I call shenanigans and foul. NO WAY there’s a guy with that name from Wisconsin.

Methyl Kennedy

Methyl Ermine

VS: Ain’t nothing like sinus headaches. Like all the bones around the eyesockets are being crushed in a vise …. as ice-picks stab through the temples.

You’ve mentioned them in blithe asides for the last several threads; I’m glad you’ve finally got a Truckload Of Antibiotics.

Sinus headaches: I hates ’em.

Methyl Stoffles

Mohammed Attaboy

Methyl Ermine

*chuckles*

The D-KW nearly causes a liquid beverage mishap.

Snidely, your description of sinus headaches is dead-on…and I agree that DKW’s latest name is potentially keyboard-ruining.

Sorta completely OT (assuming that there is one at this point) other than pondering names for VS to inflict on her baby, but what sort of name is Rancid Prius? Sorry, I mean Reince Priebus. Was someone left with a bunch of unused Scrabble tiles and had to come up with something?

Let’s see how “biblical” Mr. Fischer really is. Does he hold that mandrakes are the bed price one wife owes the other to sleep with their husband, or is he one of those pick-and-choose cafeteria Christians?

The formulation is quite simple:

[bad thing A] exists;

God caused [bad thing B] to happen as a punishment for allowing [bad thing A] to exist;

[good thing C] must happen in order to appease the angry God.

List A: homosexuality, abortion, high taxes, atheism, Islam, sexual permissiveness, rap music, drug use, Democratic Party, DKW’s Mom.

List B: Tsunami, earthquake, flood, fire, famine, war, terrorist attack, inflation, political assasination, soldiers’ deaths, childood cancer, kittens’ being hit by cars.

List C: return to (my interpretation) of True Biblical Law.

I think it’s officially a free-for-all now, Marion. And I agree…that name is mind-boggling. As in the game, Boggle.

Beef Supreme, vs

Ice Penis Ere Rub

I think it’s officially a free-for-all now

Oh, has D-KW’s mom joined the party?

OT: I’m back from the barber and I’m hairodynamic.

*groan*

You were expecting better from me? That’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me in days.

“Oh, has D-KW’s mom joined the party?”

You’re welcome for puttIng the ball so close to the net.

Did you get shaved bald? Do you still have eyebrows?

Did you get shaved bald?

With one exception*, I have had only two styles since 1966, when professionals began cutting my hair. A 1/2″ brush cut during the summer and a short “regular” (you know, the haircut your father probably had) the other three seasons. I now sport a short regular.

*My mother somehow connived in 1968 to get me a John-John. I don’t remember how – my father may have had the flu or something – but I do remember going back a couple of days later to get a short regular.

Do you still have eyebrows?

While I enjoy “The Wall,” I do not look to it for lifestyle choices.

Steerpike,

Reince Priebus is magical for anagrammatizing. To wit:
Inscribe Rupee
Scribe Pee Ruin
Incubi Pees Err
Pubic Sneer Ire
Be Precise Ruin
Crib Pee Insure (note to vs, you should get some Crib Pee Insurance)

Reince Priebus. Was someone left with a bunch of unused Scrabble tiles and had to come up with something?

*chortle*

Kiwi Keith

Orly Taitz is “I tort lazy”.

A real Palindrome as well as a direct order from overlord Soros:

Harass Sarah!

Reince Priebus

I call shenanigans and foul. NO WAY there’s a guy with that name from Wisconsin.

No kidding. I’ll bet good money this guy has a ton of unresolved issues from high school.

I got an invitation from one of those FB “come look at my photos on my website” girls, named “Thane Polysaccharide”. I friended her, of course.

Steerpike kills at 19:95.

Also his anagram string! My favorite (so far): Ice Penis Ere Rub

Do you still have eyebrows?

I hear she killed Thane Cawdor.

Man, that’s what I get for not paying attention to my cuts and pastes. Let’s try again, now that the joke’s dead:

Thane Polysaccharide

I hear she killed Thane Cawdor.

While I enjoy “The Wall,” I do not look to it for lifestyle choices.

There’s your problem. You need to mix things up!

note to vs, you should get some Crib Pee Insurance

Pee I can handle. I need POOP Insurance.

Man, that’s what I get for not paying attention to my cuts and pastes. Let’s try again, now that the joke’s dead:

Thane Polysaccharide

I hear she killed Thane Cawdor.

What’s great is that I understand neither iteration.

vs said,

AK and thunder also mentioned Edmund Spenser. Curious…

Genius will not be denied.
~

Genius will not be denied liquor.

Fixt. This makes our collective alcoholism charming and interesting.

I’ll bet good money this guy has a ton of unresolved issues from high school.

I’m guessing it goes farther back, to grade-school playgrounds. Remember how kids are on playgrounds? They can be cruel. My guess is that traumatized Kid Priebus is gonna Prove Something to the Cruel Liberal World that mocked him as a child.

Then my work here is done.

I’m sorry…I’ve still got a pretty horrible sinus headache…and I’m coming off my meds…and I’m listening to the Sarah Hymn. It’s like being drunk. But not the fun kind of drunk.

I’ve been thinking, someone several threads back sggested Dis Spencer, but the popular choice seems to be Dudeskull. So if you were to go with something like Dudeskull Inverness Spencer he could still write his name D.I.Spencer.

Let’s try again, now that the joke’s dead:

AND eyebrowless.

VS: Pretzel Logic
Gabby Hayes
Purple Hayes
Stigmata
Fullcourt Press
?

As Jon Stewart said the other night: “You can’t spell pubic rerinse without Reince Priebus.”

AND eyebrowless.

Most skeletons are.

#

I hear she killed Thane Cawdor.

I think this version seems more Sadlysian.

I think this version seems more Sadlysian.

That version has them rolling on the floor in pain in Ytterby.

Not really OT and because the BOTH SIDES DO IT thing makes me want to put my fist through some drywall: ONE SIDE DOES IT WAY MORE

Sinus Headaches are God’s punishment for tolerating the existence of liberal government spending. The only solution is to declare war on Muslimes worldwide.

I hear she killed Thane Cawdor.

I’m thorry, you we’re thane?

Ytterby

You know I’m part Ytterbian on my mother’s side.

What’s great is that I understand neither iteration.

Since actor’s still on vacation, I don’t feel bad about doing this:

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace are doing your mom,
To the last in the long long line;
And all those who have cum before, your mom has shown
The way to lusty death. Out, out, many cocks!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon your mom
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of neurosyphilis
Signifying nothing.

Act III:

I am in your mom stepp’d so far
That should I fuck no more
Standing up were as tedious as to go on.

The only solution is to declare war on Muslimes worldwide.

Oooh. Ouch. Not feasible. Also, don’t see one five foot six pregnant woman striking fear into the hearts of a billion people.

Also too, sinus headaches are punishment for abortion.

I liked Dis Spencer right from the start!

And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of neurosyphilis
Signifying nothing.

THIS is how you improve upon Shakespeare, people. Learn from the master(bator).

Crib Pee Insure (note to vs, you should get some Crib Pee Insurance)

YOU CAN’T FORCE ME TO BUY PEE INSURANCE, COMMIE!

Fucking your dad is the habit of many
Some are selective but he will take any
He’ll take any penis, sore-covered or runny
But the real whore’s your mom ‘cuz she does it for money.

don’t see one five foot six pregnant woman striking fear into the hearts of a billion people.

wear heels.

N__B’s mom: Is this a dagger I see before me,
The helmet to my hand? Come let me clutch thee.

One that hardly needs editing:

D-KW’s mother:

Here’s the smell of the jizz still. All the
perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this
little hand. O, O, O!

don’t see one five foot six pregnant woman striking fear into the hearts of a billion people.

wear heels.

I don’t see one five foot six klutzy pregnant woman striking fear into the hearts of a billion people.

See what you started, Shakespeare?

Back for more McGravitas?

Your dad’s ass is wider than you think,
Wider even than your favourite link
It can contain multitudes and then some,
But not quite as much as that whore, your mom.

Also, Ytterbian Khatru was one of Yes’ best songs.

Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and urine. Lechery, sir,
it provokes and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it
takes away the performance: therefore much drink may be said to
be an equivocator with lechery: it makes him, and it mars him; it
sets him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him, and
disheartens him; makes him stand to, and not stand to: in
conclusion, equivocates him in a sleep, and giving him the lie,
leaves him. But your mom’ll keep sucking no matter what.

Or if there were a sympathy in choice,
War, death or sickness did lay siege to it
Making it momentary as a sound
Swift as a shadow, short as any dream;
Brief as the lightning in the collied night
That in a spleen unfolds both the heavens and the earth,
And ere a man hath power to say “Behold!”
The jaws of your mom do devour it up
Five bucks. Three fifty if your okay with her spitting.

As Jon Stewart said the other night: “You can’t spell pubic rerinse without Reince Priebus.”
damn…i’ve been trying to think of that one all day…thanks!

Your dad takes an ass pounding from Mr. Plow
The Plow King soon stretches his asshole and how!
There follows a train: here pusher, there shover
But that just kills time ’til they’re on to your muvver.

Not really OT and because the BOTH SIDES DO IT thing makes me want to put my fist through some drywall: ONE SIDE DOES IT WAY MORE

vs, weren’t you listening to sarah and sean the other night when they were explaining (again) how they are the VICTIMS? come on, now…you must know by now that facts don’t PROVE anything?!

also, just heard michelle bachmann quoted…she’s whizzed off because WI put a big billboard on the border that says “wisconsin is open for business!”

you know why she’s whizzed off? because it is a reminder of what 40 years of ‘democratic RULE’ has done to the great state of MN. why is it always democratic RULE, but republican LEADERSHIP?

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smiting unbelievers.

Bryan Fischer: the AMC Gremlin of the wingnut Grand Prix.

No need to hunt mangos there – given his past history of constant epic fail, it’s a sure bet that he’s taking a lot of words to say bugger-all. The same genius who advocated exterminating all the bears (for JEZUS!) & said recent Medal Of Honor recipients were a bunch of pussies for not doing lots of killing while being heros – yeah, who ELSE would you go to for judicial wisdom? Also, I’m sure the obvious fact that a change of venue from the increasingly hostile turf of Jerusalem would’ve kept his homeboy J.C. off the cross is central to his point.

Oh no. Don’t tell me Mr. Plow is involved in this sordid business. 🙁

sarah and sean the other night when they were explaining (again) how they are the VICTIMS?

I keep forgetting.

Heavy machinery? Okay, let’s go with that theme.

Your daddy loves guys on construction sites
To fill up his hole and his nights.
But while he fucks those men again,
Your mom’s playing hide the crane.

And your dad goes nearly bezerk
As those men go about their work,
“MOAR MOAR” he stammers,
As your mom rides the jackhammers.

All those men your dad has laid,
But it’s your mom that’s the one that gets paid.
Because all he does is scream for MOAR
But your mom, she’s the whore.

#

Steerpike said,

January 19, 2011 at 19:55

The formulation is quite simple:

[bad thing A] exists;

God caused [bad thing B] to happen as a punishment for allowing [bad thing A] to exist;

[good thing C] must happen in order to appease the angry God.

List A: homosexuality, abortion, high taxes, atheism, Islam, sexual permissiveness, rap music, drug use, Democratic Party, DKW’s Mom.

List B: Tsunami, earthquake, flood, fire, famine, war, terrorist attack, inflation, political assasination, soldiers’ deaths, childood cancer, kittens’ being hit by cars.

List C: return to (my interpretation) of True Biblical Law.

Actually, I prefer the following version:

“The [recent disaster of any kind] was caused by god as punishment of [something I don’t like]. We must [do something I want/like] so that God will forgive us.”

Repeat as necessary with varying details.

The same genius who advocated exterminating all the bears (for JEZUS!)

Wow, so much for the BIBLICAL punishment for those who uncivilly mock godbags. Why does Bryan Fischer work to thwart the will of God?

you know why she’s whizzed off? because it is a reminder of what 40 years of ‘democratic RULE’ has done to the great state of MN. why is it always democratic RULE, but republican LEADERSHIP?

Has anyone told her that Pawlenty is a Republican?

Your daddy loves guys on construction sites
To fill up his hole and his nights.
But while he fucks those men again,
Your mom’s playing hide the crane.

All those men your dad has laid,
But it’s your mom that’s the one that gets paid.
Because all he does is scream for MOAR
But your mom, she’s the whore.

can’t fool me. That’s from one of Subby’s Norwegian death metal bands.

Do you still have eyebrows?
These days all the cool kids are using iBrows.

These days all the cool kids are using iBrows.

Does that make them iBros?

Has anyone told her that Pawlenty is a Republican tool?

Oh wait, that didn’t really change anything.

Has anyone told her that Pawlenty is a Republican?
Has anyone told her that Pawlenty is a Republican tool?

Oh wait, that didn’t really change anything.

we laff now, but my pain will soon be the nation’s pain…PAWLENTY/BACHMANN 2012…you can’t top our batshit-crazy!