Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

So what does Ecuador have to do with Chelsea Clinton’s wedding and why does this jackass give a shit where it is?

He wants to be there when Vince Foster’s ghost shows up to avenge his murder.

Well, I didn’t trust the shorter and it was totes not worth it. Seriously.

These people are pathetic.

Wish I had trusted the Shorter.

I need a hug.

I need a hug.

Awww, c’mere.

(Shut up, pervs).

You know who else needs a hug? Hitler Obama Bill Clinton, that’s who! Zing!

Yay! All better now.

I need a hug.

Awww, c’mere.

Bowchickawowwow…

The important question is what kind of counter tops will be used at the wedding, and whether Chelsea clinton actually exists or did the AP invent her to make President Clinton look good.

And…”Doug Powers?” Really? Where’s his birth certificate?

The important question is what kind of counter tops will be used at the wedding, and whether Chelsea clinton actually exists or did the AP invent her to make President Clinton look good.

But wait! That’s not all!

How many of the bridesmaids will Bubba bang, two at a time, at the reception? How many will Hillary bang, two at a time, at the reception? Will Paula Jones pop out of the wedding cake?

Satan himself is rumored to be on the guest list.

I could use a hug….

“The Tragically Flip said,
June 22, 2010 at 15:02

And…”Doug Powers?” Really? Where’s his birth certificate?”

“Danger”‘s his middle name

Will Paula Jones pop out of the wedding cake?

Nope, but I hear they got another Starr lined up.

Hillary said she was more likely to give up the nuclear launch codes than the date and location of Chelsea’s wedding, but since Obama’s probably already done that, Hil will have to find a more effective comparison.

I trusted the shorter, but found it to be much more sane than the original version. This dude is one angry little man. Look how he skillfully takes little sucker punch at Obama in there. One can imagine little Dougy writing this piece of shit, stopping numerous times to slam his fist on his mom’s desk and scream “OH I HATE THEM SO MUCH!!!”

We ALL get a piece of the cake!!

Bowchickawowwow…

When I said “pervs,” I was talking about you, you know…

I could use a hug….

As long as you promise not to nom me or get dead shit on my dress.

I could use a hug….

I’m not falling for that again.

“zombie rotten mcdonald said,
June 22, 2010 at 15:06

I could use a hug….”

What happens when you hug a zombie?

What is with these perverts and their obsession with Chelsea? I guess maybe its the fact that, so far as they know, she is the only Clinton that will not rip off their heads and shit down their necks for this kind of horseshit.

When I said “pervs,” I was talking about you, you know…

Who?

One can imagine little Dougy writing this piece of shit, stopping numerous times to slam his fist on his mom’s desk and scream “OH I HATE THEM SO MUCH!!!”

Right? I mean, how is he so furious over someone who has been out of office for 10 years??? Fuck, Bush has only been out for a couple, and I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate his vile ass, but I’m not sure I could summon up that much anger.

Oops, that was me up there. Givin zombie hugs.

she is the only Clinton that will not rip off their heads and shit down their necks for this kind of horseshit.

I think they hate that worse. This sort of shit is like a kid crying out for attention. When it’s not given, the behavior escalates. Pretty soon you’re working for CNN, and it’s all downhill from there.

Hey, Jenna’s bicycles got stolen! The invasion of Estonia can’t be far off!

With Darrel Issa busy pre-printing his subpoenas and no doubt shooting pumpkins in his back yard, and a Clinton getting married, it will soon be time to party like it’s 1995.

I eagerly await the congressional investigation into Hillary’s long distance phone calls to Chelsea where they discussed wedding plans AT TAXPAYER EXPENSE!

When I said “pervs,” I was talking about you, you know…

Who?

You, too, tsam. Don’t act like you don’t know.

but I’m not sure I could summon up that much anger.

And people who aren’t creepily obsessed would never be this goddam worried about a Bush daughter wedding.

“One can imagine little Dougy writing this piece of shit, stopping numerous times to slam his fist on his mom’s desk and scream “OH I HATE THEM SO MUCH!!!”

LULZZZZZZ!!!!!!

You, too, tsam. Don’t act like you don’t know.

ok sowwy.

ok sowwy.

Hm. I didn’t expect you to be so…compliant…

Hm. I didn’t expect you to be so…compliant…

Yeah? You like that?

How about when I close tags?

When I said “pervs,” I was talking about you, you know…

Thanks for pointing that out, Captain Obvious.

How about when I close tags?

Yeah, that’s hot.

Thanks for pointing that out, Captain Obvious.

You’re welcome, Captain Smartass!

You’re welcome, Captain Smartass!

My work is done here.

*standing athwart T&U, fists on hips*

Doug has a blog., some of his deep analysis:

There are in fact no “absolutely safe” energy sources. Consider one of the simplest and most convenient energy sources we have available: Ourselves. Obama recently expressed an interest in leg power — getting people to ride bikes and walk to where they’re going more (and spent a fortune of our money on it as a matter of fact). Do you know how many pedestrians and bicyclists are killed each year? Me neither, but I do know that it’s a lot.

Boy, Was this hard to find:

2008 traffic fatalities: 34,017
Drivers: 19,220
Passengers: 7,397
Motorcyclists: 5,290
Pedestrians: 4,378
Cyclists: 716

Are they ever right about anything?

Not getting out of the boat on this one. Too depressing to think of someone having a ragegasm about Chelsea Clinton.

Motorcyclists: 5,290
Pedestrians: 4,378
Cyclists: 716

Two observations:

1) This bit surprised me, that there are nearly as many pedestrian deaths as motorcycle deaths, but I suppose when you’re on a motorcycle (or a bike), you’re a lot more attentive to the circumstances around you.

2) That there are as many deaths in one year in auto accidents doesn’t surprise me, and I’m betting that number has crept up at SUVs spend more miles on the road. The inherent sense of immortality one feels in a car, a solid piece of metal cocooned around you, seems to me to make one more likely to take stupid risks. Like driving 75 on an icy road.

Unlike the speed limit, the laws of physics are unbreakable.

To be fair it’s mostly fap material for delusional Mid-nineties-era Clinton-haters. It was a flimsy pretense to complain about the clenis and the emasculating bitch she’s married to. BAZINGA!

The comments are far far worse than mere Tigers. We’re talking ur-tigers of some pre-cambrian dinosaur hunting type.

Catered by China I’m sure!

She must personally know every invitee.

I hope not in the Biblical sense, I thought Bill was taking care of that?

I’m not saying the girl has an overbite, but Chelsea could eat pepperoni pizza through a venetian blind.

what?

I’m not saying the girl has an overbite, but Chelsea could eat pepperoni pizza through a venetian blind.

Nice. Poor kid’s only public connection to this douche is being the daughter of someone he despises, and that’s cause enough to deconstruct her looks.

Fap material or an audition reel for a Leno writing gig circa 1998? You be the judge.

I’m not saying the girl has an overbite, but Chelsea could eat pepperoni pizza through a venetian blind.

I’m still willing to bet money that she’s more attractive than you, asshole.

alt shorter: Haters gonna hate on old shit nobody but them cares about.

Fap material or an audition reel for a Leno writing gig circa 1998? You be the judge.

lol…OUCH. Oh, Leno…bless his heart.

Oh, Leno…bless his heart.

Wait. Is this a condescending, Southern “bless his heart,” or are you actually blessing his heart?

Y’know, I can understand picking on an ADULT (or near adult) child’s behavior, like if Jenna or NotJenna were, say, caught in a bar in Texas called Chuli’s with fake ID, or a kid named Algore III was caught DWI.

Or a girl named Bristol getting knocked up by a Playgirl centerfold.

That’s behavioral. That’s fine, and within limits of mocking, because in truth, you’re mocking the family and the environment the kid was raised in, which speaks directly to the parents.

But Chelsea has been among the most adult of the kids to endure the White House, and given the distractions and distortions her dad’s administration had to live with, it would have been more understandable if she became a coke-addled ne’er-do-well who crashed his, I mean, her car in Kennebunkport and had to have Pater bail him, I mean, her out of trouble.

Amy Carter, same thing. Hell, even the FORD kids turned out OK.

So maybe these douchbags out to lay the fuck off, because IF somehow thru some horrible twist of fate, Snowbilly is elected, we’re so going to tear Trig a new one*.

*set up line.

One of the commenters has some kind of functioning ethical reasoning, and here is the result:

If she was trying to have a very public wedding you be sniping at her for that. How could she go about this in a way that would PLEASE YOU? What’s next her choice of restaraunts?

Yes, if I knew where she was eating.

I will mock the Clintons forever. And no she doesn’t have to please me, and no, I am not displeased, and no this isn’t important, but it’s amusing, particularly since her new father-in-law is a crook.

Bristol was 17 during the election. Chelsea is nearing 30, and chose to publicly campaign for her mother.

Note that while Chelsea’s wedding is the event, Doug’s targets are Hillary, Bill, and Ed.

Damn it boy, shake harder!

Wait. Is this a condescending, Southern “bless his heart,” or are you actually blessing his heart?

The Southern kind! I was born in Charleston. I’m allowed to use it. 😀

Hey mon, Chelsea is a nice woman. Too bad she freckles so easily, mon. I like the sunshine while I fish,…for penguins, mon. Not strictly fish, I know dey birds, mon.

Note that while Chelsea’s wedding is the event, Doug’s targets are Hillary, Bill, and Ed.

And apropos of nothing, Obama. And also venetian blinds, but to be fair, that was a commenter.

Meanwhile, I heard that the location of McMegan’s wedding was so secret that Ezra K couldn’t find the hot tub at Matt Y’s parents’ house where it was being held.

I mean, speculation on the Interons about people’s personal lives is way over the line. Thank goodness we know that Michelle has an open marriage. Doug, “guest blogger,” indeed.

I can’t stop

How did focusing on ridiculing Bill and Hillary in 1996 work out for you?

How did taking the high road in 2008 work out for you?

See the problem with the 2008 Republican campaign was that they weren’t willing to get into the muck.

Meanwhile, I heard that the location of McMegan’s wedding was so secret that Ezra K couldn’t find the hot tub at Matt Y’s parents’ house where it was being held.

I snarfled Diet Coke.

I did see ONE blurry cell phone pic tweeted by Ackerman (I think) from the secret location…I think she was wearing one of those crumpled tissue-ass dresses.

I heard that the location of McMegan’s wedding was so secret that Ezra K couldn’t find the hot tub at Matt Y’s parents’ house where it was being held.

Well, if you were marrying a turkey baster, would you want people to know?

BTW, South Africa is kicking France’s ass in futbol.

BTW, actor, the joint where Jenna and/not Jenna got busted with fake ID is “Chuy’s.” It is the kind of Mexican restaurant where someone with “Bush” as a surname would enjoy the food.

the joint where Jenna and/not Jenna got busted with fake ID is “Chuy’s.”

Yea, I knew it was something like that. I have a friend who lives in Houston, tells me the same thing. Kind of Chili’s, only more so.

BTW, South Africa is kicking France’s ass in futbol.

WOW. Two-zip nil at half.

BTW, actor, the joint where Jenna and/not Jenna got busted with fake ID is “Chuy’s.” It is the kind of Mexican restaurant where someone with “Bush” as a surname would enjoy the food.

I suppose I should be offended on behalf of my brother- and sister-in-law, but you’re right…

remember folks, the RWers think that THEY are the grownups and that it’s those on the left that are immature and unhinged. Oye.

So maybe these douchbags out to lay the fuck off, because IF somehow thru some horrible twist of fate, Snowbilly is elected, we’re so going to tear Trig a new one

Nah. I’m betting on Piper to be the wild child in that family. Who wants to bet she comes out as gay?

Nah. I’m betting on Piper to be the wild child in that family. Who wants to bet she comes out as gay?

You know, I hadn’t considered that…but I think it’s quite likely.

I suppose I should be offended on behalf of my brother- and sister-in-law, but you’re right…

You’re related to Jenna? NotJenna?

You’re related to Jenna? NotJenna?

No, just white people who like to eat at Chuy’s.

Who wants to bet she comes out as gay?

Hm. Given Mary Cheney survived…yea. Besides, it will just make the fapping more intense.

Glen Beck

BECK: It doesn’t matter how you try to sell it to us, it doesn’t matter how many celebrities you get, it doesn’t matter how many bars open early, it doesn’t matter how many beer commercials they run, we don’t want the World Cup, we don’t like the World Cup, we don’t like soccer, we want nothing to do with it. … They continually try to jam it down our throat.

America’s doing well and France is getting its ass kicked. Seriously, WTF? What’s not to like?

e don’t want the World Cup, we don’t like the World Cup, we don’t like soccer, we want nothing to do with it. … They continually try to jam it down our throat.

Oh, so that’s why the largest number of ticketholders at the World Cup outside of South Africans are Americans?

America’s doing well and France is getting its ass kicked. Seriously, WTF? What’s not to like?

That’s like telling a redneck dad that his son is winning a baking contest…

They continually try to jam it down our throat.

Wow. Can’t they invent some other orifice to fill?

Oh dear. France is down a man, too. I missed the red card.

Will Paula Jones pop POOP out of the wedding cake?

Soooooooooooooooooooo….any word from the rightwingers about McChrystal’s insubordination?

Les Bleus down a man but within a goal now, 2-1.

And Dave Weigel answers my question.

Soooooooooooooooooooo….any word from the rightwingers about McChrystal’s insubordination?

When he gets his ass canned, they will canonize him. Sound about right?

When he gets his ass canned, they will canonize him. Sound about right?

It’s the perfectly hypocritical thing to do, so yeah.

Shorter Breitblart: Because there are sharks patrolling the oil slick waiting for dead fish to drift into their mouths, there’s no reason to worry about the wildlife in the Gulf!

Soooooooooooooooooooo….any word from the rightwingers about McChrystal’s insubordination?

The knee-jerk reaction would be to agree with the general in the field against the liberal president, but McChrystal isn’t just any general, and the counterinsurgency model he’s been pushing is way too “hearts and minds” oriented (and not just as a cheap political slogan) and makes a lot of right wingers uncomfortable. (Hell, wasn’t he the one who “apologized” a couple months back for a fail airstrike?)

So I’ll be interested to see what happens.

Surprisingly, Byron “Shih Tzu for a hairpiece” York agrees Obama should fire him.

When I said “pervs,” I was talking about you, you know…

I wanna be a perv too.

Will Paula Jones pop POOP out of the wedding cake?

Heh, I thought the same thing…

Stacy McCain blames Obama

When he gets his ass canned, they will canonize him. Sound about right?

If his ass got canned, they would canonize him and attribute all kinds of conservative attributes to him that he never had, make him a martyr to the conservative military cause, unjustly crucified by a liberal president, and all that stuff.

Thing is, I’m not sure Obama would have the balls to can him. In fact, I’m betting he won’t. Not saying it’s a good thing, not saying it’s a bad thing, but I think McChrystal’s going to stay, which will make the right wing reaction just that much more interesting.

O’bambi isn’t a real commander in chief so McChrystal is just speaking truth to imposter in criticizing him through a music rag.

WTF was McChrystal thinking, anyway? Did he do this on purpose?

O’bambi isn’t a real commander in chief so McChrystal is just speaking truth to imposter in criticizing him through a music rag.

That’s the general consensus I’m seeing. The right wing agree with him, but he shouldn’t have said it out loud.

Say buhbye to France in the World Cup.

Do you know how many pedestrians and bicyclists are killed each year? Me neither, but I do know that it’s a lot.

If I were to do a blog, I would definitely make it a wingnut blog. Think of the time I would save in not looking stuff up or worrying about thinking about stuff. Added bonus; If facts nuke your argument, just omit them and your audience will never know the difference. Added super bonus; Sadly, No! may just showcase your brilliant work. It’s just like a Pulitzer, only different.

Say buhbye to France in the World Cup.

Pfft. Surrendered already, huh?

It’s just like a Pulitzer, only different.

A Bullshitzer? A Howitzer?

Au revoir!

How about when I close tags?

Yeah, that’s hot.

Anything you wish, Mistress.

Aside from the current discussion (and, honestly, Jen-Jen, you’re living in the same goddamn city that The Wire is set in, consider springing for a couple of New York Locks and Fahgettaboudit), despite all the whinging that wingnuts did about so-called Bush Derangement Syndrome, no one on this side of things goes on about W’s family the same way that they do about the Clintons. (And it’s not about Hillary being SecState; at least, they pretended to be outraged when Barbara Boxer mentioned the fact that Condi “Totally Not A Lesbian And SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP about that liberal woman that she owns a house with LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOUUUUUUU” Rice doesn’t have kids.)

I’d say that they’re starting Nineties nostalgia early, but you can’t be nostalgic for what’s never left, and Clintonphobia has always been on the jukebox.

Nuh uh, I ain’t gettin out. Prithy tell me, WTF is it with Ecuador? Why Ecuador? I would have thought maybe Venezuela. Does Ecuador produce mangos?

A Bullshitzer? A Howitzer?

Something like that. However, it occurs to me that I would donate money for some sort of award to send to those super geniuses that make the cover of Sadly, No!. Something like a brown ribbon? A medal in the shape of dogshit? Discuss.

Go back to the Stacy McCain page and look at the very first viewer comment; “From what I understand McChrystal’s ROE were a potentially bigger problem…”

Bingo.

They don’t like McChrystal. In fact, they hate McChrystal. He personifies a significant part of the military which, since the Iraq war, has gotten tired of the conservative approach and understands that a counterinsurgency campaign cannot succeed in the long run if you don’t at least try to connect with the people on the ground. Privately, the right wing is seething at these people, particularly since they disprove the whole “scratch a soldier and find a conservative” belief they hold so dear. My guess is they’d be very happy to see one of their guiding lights shit-canned, which is why a lot of them won’t circle wagons around McChrystal the way they did for, oh, say, the Abu Ghraib and Haditha perpetrators.

Surrendered already, huh?

As soon as they stepped off the plane.

consider springing for a couple of New York Locks and Fahgettaboudit

With the chain, those things weigh like 30 lbs., GDB. Jenna’s boobs aren’t big enough to counterbalance that.

and Clintonphobia has always been on the jukebox.

Where the fuck is Fonzie when you need him? He did survive the shark jump, right?

However, it occurs to me that I would donate money for some sort of award to send to those super geniuses that make the cover of Sadly, No!.

A coupon for Denny’s.

A coupon for Denny’s.

Ah yes, good idea. I’m thinking something one could hang on the wall to commemorate such an achievement. That coupon would be turned into chicken fried steak in a matter of minutes.

Privately, the right wing is seething at these people, particularly since they disprove the whole “scratch a soldier and find a conservative” belief they hold so dear.

Definitely true, but they also compulsively hate anything Obama does. I’ll bet they’re a leeettle confused right now…

WTF is it with Ecuador? Why Ecuador?

Another place that’s lousy with brown Catholics? Who knows. I’m guessing the toolbag saw something on the History Channel and the name Equador got stuck in his speech center.

That coupon would be turned into chicken fried steak in a matter of minutes.

Noooooooo! Moons Over My Hammy!

Moons Over My Hammy!

I was in that film and STOP JUDGING ME!

Yeah the Ecuador thing confused me too. It’s some kind of milestone that right wing insidery self-referential insanity is now indecipherable even to semi-pros who follow their shit regularly.

My cat just peed on the couch. Thank goodness it’s leather. She’ll pee on anything that’s paper these days. ANYTHING. Even a printed-out receipt.

BTW, I wonder if Clinton-bashing will become more popular now that it’s established that Obama has a picture-perfect family and does not live up to what wingnuts imagine Black America to be.

It’s some kind of milestone that right wing insidery self-referential insanity is now indecipherable even to semi-pros who follow their shit regularly.

It came from a commenter. My guess is he thinks he’s Dennis Miller doing stream-o-consciousness comedy.

Chelsea Stalkers make even the PoliSci nerds who endlessly debate JFK versus Nixon in 1960 look sharp … because chowing down on a bucket of Kentucky Fried FAIL is one thing, but telling everyone that it tastes like caviar?

It’s impossible for me to feel pity & ROFLMAO at the same time.

I will mock the Clintons forever.

“That chicken: I will never get tired of fucking it.”

“That chicken: I will never get tired of fucking it.”

I double-dog dare you, jim. Double. Dog. Dare.

Here’s more incomprehensibility, Doug happily relays this quote from Dick “Penis” Armey:

I watch that Keith Olberby guy — cracks me up. I know very well he’s never gotten over the Americans beating the Russians in ’80. And he’s got this mean nasty side to him, and it’s entertaining, but don’t tell me he’s a newsperson. It’s a disrespect to the profession.”

Is there some long forgotten sports anecdote where a young Keith Olbermann rooted for the Russians in 1980? I mean the obvious explanation is that Olbermann=commie=rooted for the rooskies but it’s so obscure and stupid and yet to Dougie this is a clap-worthy nugget, to which he says “Too funny because it’s too true.”

My guess is he thinks he’s Dennis Miller doing stream-o-consciousness comedy.

Wait. Dennis Miller does comedy?

I watch that Keith Olberby guy — cracks me up. I know very well he’s never gotten over the Americans beating the Russians in ’80

What. in. the. fuck? Surely this guy is taking the piss…

Wait. Dennis Miller does comedy?

Only for the retarded.

Only for the retarded.

YOU STOP MAKING FUN OF TRIG!

On another level, it makes sense that Armey and Doug would attribute Olbermann’s personality to a single sporting defeat, because right wingers do base large portions of their personality on low-importance cultural grievances that didn’t go their way. Jane Fonda sitting on the AA gun probably did inadvertently create more wingnuts than all the 1960s race riots, school busing and affirmative action put together. Janet’s boob mattered more to them than the Democrats taking Congress.

So far, counterinsurgency has succeeded only in creating a never-ending demand for the primary product supplied by the military: perpetual war.

The best part of that Rolling Stone article IMHO.

June 17 Olbermann:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37781132/ns/msnbc_tv-countdown_with_keith_olbermann/

OLBERMANN: Well, we all got a big laugh out of Dick Armey mangling my name last night and suggesting I was rooting America in the U.S./USSR Olympic hockey “Miracle on Ice.”

But then it hit me, the son of a gun said, tea party candidates should not identify themselves as tea party candidates if they want to get elected. That might be the second most interesting political story of the week. Dave Weigel joins me for it—ahead.

Frm the June 16 show:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37760049/ns/msnbc_tv-countdown_with_keith_olbermann/

DICK ARMEY, FREEDOMWORKS: I‘m sorry. I just—I watch that network. I watch Keith Olberby guy—cracks me up. I know very well he‘s never gotten over the Americans beating the Russians in the ‘80.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

OLBERMANN: What Mr. Army and his perfect, wonderful tone-deafness does not know is that actually attended the Americans beating the Russian in the‘80. The hockey upset at Lake Placid. I covered not just the miracle on ice game but the crowd, too. So, not only is it one of the most joyous memories of my life as a proud American, but I got to participate in what is believed to have been the first time voice was given to a now familiar public chant, “USA, USA!” In fact, my report on radio was, if not the first, when one the first two to broadcast the USA chant across this nation.

Oh. Sad.

I’d love to find a clip of Olbermann’s reporting, shouting into the mic over chants of “USA! USA!”…

Surrendered already, huh?

As soon as they stepped off the plane.

Now now, they didn’t really surrender, that’s very unfair of you. They actually took the _other_ traditional route of the French. They went on strike.

Way late on this, but shouldn’t the shorter on Jonah’s “Big Time Gets Smaller” be Who Moved My Cheetohs?

Who Moved My Cheetohs?

Worth the wait.

I have to go back to the car versus walking and cycling thing for a sec. More pedestrians and cyclists = less cars, less cars = less car/pedestrian car/bicycle fatalities. To suggest that more people on foot or cycles is going to increase the overall traffic fatality rate is a false comparison on a fantastically stoopid scale. On a positive note, I bet Dougy makes more pay for his opinion on MM than Charles Murray makes from the NY Times.

The Ecuador thing is because of this:

http://biggovernment.com/publius/2010/06/17/clinton-obama-admin-to-sue-arizona-over-immigration-law/

Imagine her giving an interview to a foreign reporter, and stating that the federal government rather than the states should be the ones making immigration law. I think they think she was giving up state secrets, or surrendering, or something.

No, seriously. That’s the whole Ecuador thing. I followed the links. That’s the whole freaking dog whistle right there.

BTW, I have (finally) put up a few new posts over at my joint, including a new Comments Out of Context, featuring several of you Sadlies.

Are we going to get a thread about the story of the day, i.e., the “Obama is weak if he doesn’t fire McChristal” or “Obama is an arrogant shit if he fires McChristal?”

It’s sad when the issue of the day is about status when both those guys are in charge of efforts to kill people.

Thanks AG.

fish said,

I wanna be a perv too.

*hides eggs*

I have to go back to the car versus walking and cycling thing for a sec. More pedestrians and cyclists = less cars, less cars = less car/pedestrian car/bicycle fatalities. To suggest that more people on foot or cycles is going to increase the overall traffic fatality rate is a false comparison on a fantastically stoopid scale. On a positive note, I bet Dougy makes more pay for his opinion on MM than Charles Murray makes from the NY Times.

This is a compelling argument. Then again, “I don’t know, but it’s a lot!” is pretty convincing too. Unrelatedly a large metal object just struck my head with great force.

Girls can be pervs too. You just have a much more difficult task in offending the victims.

Moons Over My Hammy!

That name might be the most loaded with veiled references of any other 4 words combined. Awesome.

fuckin thread death. How does it work?

Needs more limericks.

Tsam was once spotted a-blubber:
“I can’t get the hang of this rubber!
I put the thing over
But it falls in the clover!
How can I become a great lubber?”

fuckin thread death. How does it work?

1.) Everyone ignores the fact that my cat PEED ON MY COUCH while I was sitting there watching

2.) tsam posts. Death is sure to follow.

3.) Most likely: I think it’s just people get busy at work (and occasionally life. Not having a life myself and working from home, it’s hard to relate.)

So what does Ecuador have to do with Chelsea Clinton’s wedding and why does this jackass give a shit where it is?

He wants to find out if Clinton is going to be picking up a shipment of cocaine.

We ALL get a piece of the cake!!

Didn’t read the whole thread… apologize if someone’s written it before, but… THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!

1.) Everyone ignores the fact that my cat PEED ON MY COUCH while I was sitting there watching

Blame Obama

2.) tsam posts. Death is sure to follow.

Blame Obama

3.) Most likely: I think it’s just people get busy at work (and occasionally life. Not having a life myself and working from home, it’s hard to relate.)

Blame Obama

Most likely: I think it’s just people get busy at work (and occasionally life. Not having a life myself and working from home, it’s hard to relate.

Fucking work. How does IT work?

Awesome limerick, Sub!

Blame Obama

A year and a half, and STILL NO FUCKING PONY! I still have to go to work and there seems to be a lot more of “those” people hanging around my town.

Oh, Leno…bless his heart.

Wait. Is this a condescending, Southern “bless his heart,” or are you actually blessing his heart?

Grace before meals!

Grace before meals!

She does make me hungry.

When Tsam gets his hands on a thread
It always ends up dead, dead, dead,
He scratches his beard,
Then thinks, “It’s so weird”
It must have be something I said.

GRR, misplaced quotation mark.

I’ll turn myself in to the grammar police.

I can’t believe that fucking asshole judge lifted the drilling moratorium.

I can’t believe that fucking asshole judge lifted the drilling moratorium.

Corporations are people too! (Cue “we shall overcome” music).

Big Bad Bard Bastard
Met a rhyme he hadn’t mastered.

I can’t believe that fucking asshole judge lifted the drilling moratorium.

He should be made to sleep with the fishes. If there were any left.

Blame Obama

I blame him for the shitty day I’m having. My better half has been kind of a jerky-jerk to me…on top of giving me his cold. Surely, that’s all Obama’s fault.

tsam, not only haven’t I gotten my pony, I never got my check from Soros. Things aren’t working out like I planned at all. *sigh*

Oh lookie, a Reagan appointed Judge has overturned Obama’s drilling ban.

Survey says:

Intelligent, Pompous, egotistical, pushy, arrogant, unfair, no empathy for poor people and workers who come before him, his heart is with business.

also, too with bonus links to the Heritage foundation.

Thanks Jennifer. I made the big time! Love the touchdown Jesus post.

Big Bad Bard Bastard
Met a rhyme he hadn’t mastered.

He tried to wax poetic
Ended by taking emetics
And pooped to the very last turd.

When Tsam gets his hands on a thread
It always ends up dead, dead, dead,
He scratches his beard,
Then thinks, “It’s so weird”
It must have be something I said.

*beatnik snaps of approval*

If it’s any consolation VS, your couch still smells better than Jonah Goldberg’s. Or Jonah Goldberg.

If it’s any consolation VS, your couch still smells better than Jonah Goldberg’s. Or Jonah Goldberg.

Jonah smells like Bigfoot’s dick. Yes, I totally stole that.

Corporations are better than people too! (Cue “we shall overcome are the champions” music).

Fixed! Because we own you!

When Tsam gets his hands on a thread
It always ends up dead, dead, dead,
He scratches his beard,
Then thinks, “It’s so weird”
It must have be something I said.

HAHAHAHA! Way to tap into the insecurity there. I love it!

Corporations are better than people too! (Cue “we shall overcome are the champions” music).

Fixed! Because we own you!

Boy, do I hate being right all the time.

He tried to wax poetic
Ended by taking emetics
And pooped to the very last turd.

My bowels are now all chafed and sore,
There’s brown stuff all over the floor.
I looked for a bucket,
Then said, “Ah, go fuck it.”
This is what hoses are for.”

A word of advice VS: Take the cat to the vet. Sounds like it has a UTI.

I have to take her in to get her thyroid checked, so I’ll ask the vet to check her pee, too.

I blame him for the shitty day I’m having. My better half has been kind of a jerky-jerk to me…on top of giving me his cold. Surely, that’s all Obama’s fault.

tsam, not only haven’t I gotten my pony, I never got my check from Soros. Things aren’t working out like I planned at all. *sigh*

Oh wait–I heard the checks were all going to the blacks. That’s why we don’t get nuthin. I forgot that Obama despises white people. Lucky for us, Glenn Beck’s on the case!

Oh wait–I heard the checks were all going to the blacks.

Wait! I’m black and I didn’t get no check!

Well, I mean, I tan nicely…

so I’ll ask the vet to check her pee, too.

Hey! This isn’t “that” kind of establishment.

Glenn Beck’s on the a head case!

Fixxled for great accuracy.

Oh wait–I heard the checks were all going to the blacks. That’s why we don’t get nuthin.

What I’m really soulful and a good dancer?

Wait! I’m black and I didn’t get no check!

Does thinking Will Smith is dreamy, but in a totally straight way count?

Hey! This isn’t “that” kind of establishment.

Are you kidding? This is Perv Central.

Soulful and being a good dancer don’t count for squat if you’re melanin deprived. No checks for us…

Does thinking Will Smith is dreamy, but in a totally straight way count?

We’re totally proving we’re liberals: welfare queens trying to game the system…

Are you kidding? This is Perv Central.

Animals is where I draw the line. Except for chickens and those little rodent looking things from The Lion King.

We’re totally proving we’re liberals: welfare queens trying to game the system…

But the Master Plan!

Except for chickens and those little rodent looking things from The Lion King.

Well, they’re just plain sexy. And asking for it.

Where the fuck can I get some m’fin’ iced tea up in this piece?

**checks mailbox**

Well, they’re just plain sexy. And asking for it.

No one can resist that chicken strut. I’m cock of the walk!

Animals is where I draw the line.

*striking tsam off my list of “last resort fucks”*

*striking tsam off my list of “last resort fucks”*

HA! Well played sir!

Martini coming up.

Where the fuck can I get some m’fin’ iced tea up in this piece?

That’s not funny, Bill.

Goddammit.

That’s not funny, Bill.

Well then tell your blacks to start acting like the ones on the teevee in those rap music videos. I wasn’t even scared after like 10 minutes in there.

Martini coming up.

You just want to get him drunk so he’ll show you his etchings. I see how you are.

Goddammit.

As you wish, Mistress.

You just want to get him drunk so he’ll show you his etchings. I see how you are.

Now how you gonna cock block me like that?

right wingers do base large portions of their personality on low-importance cultural grievances that didn’t go their way.

Karl Rove getting beat up by a girl is my favorite example of that.

As you wish, Mistress.

Yes, yes. Good, good. More of this.

Martini coming up.

*sipping*

Needs more motherfucking iced tea.

Now how you gonna cock block me like that?

actor’s etchings are for MY EYES ONLY!!!! *cries*

Karl Rove getting beat up by a girl is my favorite example of that.

Wha-wha-wha-WHAT? This I need to hear.

Oh lookie, a Reagan appointed Judge has overturned Obama’s drilling ban.

Well, fuck me, isn’t that a surprise?!

Motherfucking iced tea, how does it work?

actor’s etchings are for MY EYES ONLY!!!! *cries*

As you wish, Mistress.

Motherfucking iced tea, how does it work?

I don’t know, but my mom sure orders a lot of it.

“Karl Rove getting beat up by a girl is my favorite example of that”

Links? photos? Please oh please.

Tea in your martini? Done.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100622/ap_on_re_as/as_afghan_mcchrystal

More on the McChrystal front; Afghan leaders weigh in.

Tea in your martini? Done.

I try not to do this (wait, who am I fucking kidding?), but I’m going to issue an unequivocal EWWWWWWWWWWW on this one.

As you wish, Mistress.

Startin’ to get a little concerned about how hot I find this. I missed my motherfucking calling!

actor’s etchings are for MY EYES ONLY!!!!

And whatever body parts happen to rub up against them…

Lucky for us, Glenn Beck’s on the case!

Or he will be. Just wait until he gets FIFA’s immense un-Umuricun dick out of his throat.

“Karl Rove getting beat up by a girl is my favorite example of that”

Links? photos? Please oh please.

I detect an Eric Cartman like origin story in this business.

I try not to do this (wait, who am I fucking kidding?), but I’m going to issue an unequivocal EWWWWWWWWWWW on this one.

It’s really really good. Sounds like it shouldn’t be. But it is. Favorite of my sis-in-law and me. In fact, I’m sure we’ll be swigging some down in Charleston this weekend. woot!

Tea in your martini? Done.

HOLY SHIT!

I can walk there on my coffee break! How did I not know they sold hard sweet tea????

Links? photos? Please oh please.

It’s true! I read about it on Gawker!

More on the McChrystal front; Afghan leaders weigh in.

Let’s bury him right next to MacArthur.

It’s really really good. Sounds like it shouldn’t be. But it is. Favorite of my sis-in-law and me. In fact, I’m sure we’ll be swigging some down in Charleston this weekend. woot!

Honestly, I don’t like sweet tea at all. Is it vodka-y?

It’s true! I read about it on Gawker!

That is. Amazing.

Honestly, I don’t like sweet tea at all. Is it vodka-y?

It’s pretty sweet, but not disgustingly so. It is definitely vodka-y. But, again, sweet and tea-y, too. The first thing you think when you sip it is just how MUCH it tastes and smells like sweet tea.

Startin’ to get a little concerned about how hot I find this. I missed my motherfucking calling!

Found the go button, did I?

Thanks, Xecky. I knew you weren’t just pulling it out of your Jonah.

The first thing you think when you sip it is just how MUCH it tastes and smells like sweet tea.

This sounds like a bad idea.

Found the go button, did I?

I guess so!

This sounds like a bad idea.

Like a vodka tonic. Tastes like water with lime, and is responsible for nudity on my part on at least two occasions.

Motherfucking iced tea, how does it work?

I don’t know but EW.

I just read the Karl Rove thing. Aside from the story in itself being probably the best thing in the world, it is also incredibly funny. Comments are nice, too. It’s not like when I go to the conservative sites and I read the comments and feel like I need a Silkwood scrubdown afterwards.

Tastes like water with lime, and is responsible for nudity on my part on at least two occasions.

You say that like there’s something wrong with it.

Like a vodka tonic. Tastes like water with lime, and is responsible for nudity on my part on at least two occasions.

That’s my go-to drink!

actor’s etchings are for MY EYES ONLY!!!!

And whatever body parts happen to rub up against them…

Frottage is NOT an etching process. Also: ow.

Everyone ignores the fact that my cat PEED ON MY COUCH while I was sitting there watching

Some actor or other peeing on your couch is hardly comment worthy. It happens often, does it not?

Some actor or other peeing on your couch is hardly comment worthy. It happens often, does it not?

Hey, I had that BPH looked into and am taking my meds religiously

Wait, actor’s a cat? How does he type?

Wait, actor’s a cat? How does he type?

Dictation. I have a secretary, you know…

like Keyboard Cat, I spose.

Dictation. I have a secretary, you know…

You speak English?

(Also, I am imagining a kitty cat in a suit and tie sitting behind a desk and dictating and it is making me giggle).

Wait, actor’s a cat? How does he type?

One-pawed.

And we prefer to be called assistants, thankyouverymuch.

Actor’s a cat only insofar as he is a cat obsessed furry.

And we prefer to be called assistants, thankyouverymuch.

Do you work for a cat? Then shut up.

One-pawed.

Yes, but I’m polydactyl.

You speak English?

No, but I has a good LOLcat translator on my iPhone.

I mean, have.

No, but I has a good LOLcat translator on my iPhone.

I mean, have.

So your poor “secretary” has to type up dictation taken through your iPhone and you won’t even call her your assistant?

Damn, that’s worse than when I had to type up dictation from our octogenarian rich guy with Parkinson’s.

Oh! Sexist language. Sorry. Front Desk Marine would kick my ass.

MacArthur, McChrystal: Not true Scotsmen.

Damn, that’s worse than when I had to type up dictation from our octogenarian rich guy with Parkinson’s

You’re my secretary????

You’re my secretary????

You’re a retired heart surgeon?????

Also: You people don’t seem to know the difference between perversion & being kinky. Wise up!

Ladies and germs, behold, I bring you THE LULZIEST SLASH FANFIC OF ALL TIME (NSFW)

Shorter: Captain Kirk is tripping BALLS and when he wakes up, he knows there are two things he must do: murder his rival and seduce Mister Spock.

Real quote from this real fanfic:

Sometimes he thought of himself as a swimmer caught on the crest of an enormous wave at midnight, riding through the darkness towards the unknowns of the sparkling sea. He gave himself up to that image, a dolphin in the endless ocean, roaming[…]

You’re a retired heart surgeon?????

Well, no, but I’ve broken a few.

Sometimes he thought of himself as a swimmer caught on the crest of an enormous wave at midnight, riding through the darkness towards the unknowns of the sparkling sea.

Somewhere, Bulwer-Lytton cries.

If it’s so dark, why is the sea sparkling?

“Well, no, but I’ve broken a few.”

You’ve broken a few heart surgeons?

“Well, no, but I’ve broken a few.”

You’ve broken a few heart surgeons?

You should see my cardiologist. She’s put on thirty years in the five I’ve been her patient.

“You should see my cardiologist. She’s put on thirty years in the five I’ve been her patient.”

Taking care of a pervy smartass cat will do that to you.

If it’s so dark, why is the sea sparkling?

Bioluminescence.

It’s interesting watching the scathing reviews pour in on the judge what lifted Obambi’s job destroying ban on freedom.

There was 1 review prior to today. Now there’s 26, and the average rating is dropping. Kind of interesting since each of them is someone who saw the decision, was pissed off enough to google the judge’s name, find the profile-judge-rating site and submit a rating.

Taking care of a pervy smartass cat will do that to you.

I’m telling my cat you insulted him. Also.

Someone the other day asked “why is everyone moving to Portland?”

http://bikeportland.org/2010/06/20/an-estimated-13000-take-part-in-portlands-naked-bike-ride/

Poopy,

BFD. It’s held on International Naked Biking Day.

It’s Portland’s edition of World Naked Bike Ride. I did not intend to say it was unique to PDX, only pointing out that ours is the world’s largest.

I did not intend to say it was unique to PDX, only pointing out that ours is the world’s largest.

Compensating?

BTW, did you guys see this comment at Gawker:

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Karl’s father is the cause of his Uber Conservative life style. Karl’s dad was a Hard Core Leather bodymod Queen and founding member of Gauntlet in SF. (though getting beat up by a little girl as a child probably didn’t help either.) Reply
Reddy Tuxpin promoted this comment

WTF? Do you think it’s true?

WTF? Do you think it’s true?

I know his dad’s gay (he’s not his biological dad, though). I didn’t know he was so hardcore, though.

I don’t know if the hardcor bodymod leather queen part is true but yes, Karl’s pop was a big old fag. He has LOTS of issues there. But again, I don’t know if that is the root much less cause of his wackadoodlelydooness.

Cheese and rice, those are some dumbass people. Many of them have the decency to be well wishers for the Big Dog. Still, massively clue resistant.

If it’s so dark, why is the sea sparkling?
Bioluminescence.

Beyond the shadow of the ship,
I watched the water-snakes;
They moved in tracks of shining white,
and when they reared, the elfish light
Fell off in hoary flakes!

NO DOLPHINS.

Cheaters! Some of those bicyclists are wearing underoos.

No, but seriously: rock. We need to improve the image of bikes in Florida. Here they are associated with broke people and jailbirds.

I missed my motherfucking calling!

Its never too late to chase your dream!

Just post video…

oops, I forgot to change out of my secret identity as The Man.

Karl Rove’s dad is quite famous in the body modification community.

Not the bioluminescence scene, but containing additional ALBATROSS in partial compensation:
http://www.erudit.org/revue/ron/1999/v/n15/005872arf002n.jpg
Also.

Porcupine fish hat.

I wants it.

not a gator, you couldn’t pay me enough money to click that link. I get seriously freaked out by stuff like that. (not gay, leather stuff…body mod stuff…*shudder*)

oops, I forgot to change out of my secret identity as The Man.

It would be funny to be a dominatrix named “The Man.” *giggle*

Etchings? Newsletter?

Etchings? Newsletter?

Check with actor. I gave them to him.

And Karl passes it on to his sons:

Palacios said that Rove was “very upset” and was “yelling in our faces” and that Rove told them “he hoped we were proud to make his 14-year-old and 10-year-old cry.”

Porcupine fish hat.
I wants it.

HTH.

You’ll want to have an intestine coat to go with that hat.

What’s the difference between a big-haired intern and the economy?

Clinton didn’t screw the economy.

2008 traffic fatalities: 34,017
Drivers: 19,220
Passengers: 7,397
Motorcyclists: 5,290
Pedestrians: 4,378
Cyclists: 716

That’s total and not adjusted per capita, of course. There’s a far greater number of drivers than motorcyclists, so it’s still much safer to be driving. While there’s far more pedestrians than drivers, so its even more safer-er to be walking.

And it’s safest to be riding in a public transit vehicle, unless of course said vehicle is operated by WMATA. Then proceed with caution.

Oh, so that’s why the largest number of ticketholders at the World Cup outside of South Africans are Americans?

…

Sure, that’s true…. factually. But those soccer fans are all Americans with passports – hardly Beck’s target demographic.

So practically speaking, his statement is true… for … certain values of American.

-K

“BTW, I wonder if Clinton-bashing will become more popular now that it’s established that Obama has a picture-perfect family and does not live up to what wingnuts imagine Black America to be.”

Nah–they are just marking time till Malia gets old enough to date–then the knives will really come out. Every black girl is a whore-just-waiting-to-come-out, y’know?