With The Thoughts He’d Be Thinkin’ He Could Be Another Lincoln

Slightly Shorter Jim Hoft, Gateway Dumbshit:
Obama Says He “Won’t Rest Until Leak Is Stopped”… Then Attends Nationals Baseball Game (Video)

  • Liar-in-Chief Obama says he won’t rest until the Gulf leak is stopped but that didn’t keep him from going to bed later that night.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 54

 
 
 

Obama should be forced to sleep in a jacuzzi filled with bubbling oil and breathing through a snorkel, preferably one which is leaky. You never saw George W. Bush Jr. taking a vacation when important stuff was going on.

 
 

Hey, remember that time that the Gateway Pubis posted that blog about “President Bush vows ‘(he) will not stop until Osama bin Laden is brought to just-us’ … and then spends 7 months out of the next 7 years clearing brush on his stage set in Crawford”?

Neither do I.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I also heard he took a fifteen-minute dump yesterday. WHILE reading Newsweek.

Lazy, shiftless, good-for-nothing ni–I mean, president.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

OT, but I didn’t know that Jonah Goldberg was also a school menu planner!

 
 

Does Hoff’s T-shirt say “Don’t Tread on Cheetos” across the front?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I guess it would have been on-t if I’d played my cards right. Damn.

 
Physical Educator NIck Saban
 

In Obama’s defense, he was wearing a diaper at the game.

The “don’t tread on me” fixation is hard not to see as evidence of a trampling fetish…

 
 

I also heard he took a fifteen-minute dump yesterday.

Arugula and Dijon mustard will do that to you.

 
 

I attempted some trolling at Gatewaypundit but was immediately accepted as a trusted member of the community.

 
 

Also, Obama is taking on too much at once and using Chicago style gangster / Jesse Jackson / ACORN thug methods to destroy big business. Also, he is lazy and does almost nothing.

 
Physical Educator NIck Saban
 

Oh, and is this where we have to dig out the event in 2004 when Bush said he could only meet with the 9/11 commission for an hour because he had A FUCKING RODEO TO ATTEND LATER THAT DAY?

 
Jim Hoft's internal dialogue
 

Jim remember people bash George for all of his vacations.
Jim very smart he know what to do!
Jim bash Obama for same!
Not the same?
So What!?
Jim get even bigger thrill from lying!

 
 

OT, but I didn’t know that Jonah Goldberg was also a school menu planner!

It’s like an unholy alliance between Jonah and Sandra Lee.

 
Jim Hoft's internal dialogue
 

ooh, peanut butter.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

It’s like an unholy alliance between Jonah and Sandra Lee.

LOLyuck. I have a feeling Sandra would be Jonah’s dream woman–besides his mom–if she weren’t dating Andrew Cuomo.

 
 

I’m pretty sure those three guys on his shirt are having sex. Hot, patriotic sex.

 
 

There does appear to be a lot of intertwined limbs doesn’t there?

 
 

It would irresponsible of us not to speculate.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m pretty sure those three guys on his shirt are having sex. Hot, patriotic sex.

I read this as: “I’m pretty sure he’s one of those guys who keeps his shirt on during sex. Hot, patriotic sex.”

Um, what? I think I need to go back to bed. Even if it is 2:30.

 
 

LOLyuck. I have a feeling Sandra would be Jonah’s dream woman–besides his mom–if she weren’t dating Andrew Cuomo.

I hope she doesn’t try to force her cooking on him- what kind of paisan would eat lasagne made with canned tomato soup?

I’m pretty sure those three guys on his shirt are having sex. Hot, patriotic sex.

Tom of Finland Freedom

 
 

That made LOL because that seems so likely…assuming he can get anyone to have sex with him.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

That made LOL because that seems so likely…assuming he can get anyone to have sex with him.

He’s a Never Nude.

 
 

He needs to see an analrapist.

 
 

This guy has to be Gary Busey’s long lost brother (or son). Big teeth, floppy blonde hair, nuttier than squirrel shit.

 
 

The guys saying “Don’t tread on ME” always look lSticky, like they’re made of marshmallows or bread dough. If you stepped on him (them) you’d sink waaay in, and leave a big dent.

 
 

I attempted some trolling at Gatewaypundit but was immediately accepted as a trusted member of the community.

That’s life in the post “Poe” world.

 
 

Um, what? I think I need to go back to bed. Even if it is 2:30.

Its funny, I read that as “I think I need lots of furry sex. At least until 2:30”.

That made LOL because that seems so likely…assuming he can get anyone to have sex with him.

But hypothetically, if he did, the hooker would insist that he keep his shirt on.

 
 

But hypothetically, if he did, the hooker would insist that he keep his shirt on.

He’s also a definite two-bagger.

 
 

” funny, I read that as “I think I need lots of furry sex. At least until 2:30?.

LULZ. this is turning into a game of Gossip.

 
 

“tigris said,
June 19, 2010 at 21:52

But hypothetically, if he did, the hooker would insist that he keep his shirt on.

He’s also a definite two-bagger.”

Exactly. One for his head.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Its funny, I read that as “I think I need lots of furry sex. At least until 2:30?.

*sigh* You know, normally I’m a fan of scurrilous rumors about me…

 
 

Friday, 14 December, 2001, 20:04 GMT

Mr Bush also said he was determined to capture Bin Laden dead or alive, and that he was confident that such a capture was possible, regardless of whether it happened in a day or in a year’s time.

 
 

“TruculentandUnreliable said,
June 19, 2010 at 21:55

*sigh* You know, normally I’m a fan of scurrilous rumors about me…”

What about furrylous rumors?

 
 

From the comments over there::

Another mistake by the Blowhard’s handlers. They took him to see a pitching phenom who is white.

Because he can’t see white people in sunlight?

 
 

Cake is so sweet.

Especially when you’re dying and it’s all you can think about.

 
 

Rock the fuck out, dude.

It’s fun to be president.

 
 

And if Obama fulfilled his promise as literally as they’re parsing it, the next wingnut ragegasm would be over the president’s amphetamine use.

 
 

Rock the fuck out, dude.

God, he was just repulsive. I happily admit to suffering from Bush Derangement Syndrome.

 
 

Hoft, you vile pallid fuck.

Really, you disgusting leucistic discharge.

 
 

Hoft’s calculated-to-offend headlines on memeorandum are about as vile as one can get.

I’d make some sarcastic crack about what a loving Xian he is, but he’s a Papist, so what can one expect?

 
jesus touches me
 

That gateway fundip dood reminds me of this guy.

 
 

Hey, getting a $20 billion escrow fund established (thus bypassing dozens of the world’s skankiest international and maritime lawyers) for dealing with an environmental disaster involving a British petroleum company, a Korean-made oil rig flagged as a Marshall Islands vessel, the great and noble Halliburton, and several other miscellaneous multinational companies based in the Cayman Islands is what I call a pretty g-d successful week.

 
 

“one of whom shared with him the gory tale of hot Cheetos with melted cheese on top. In a bag. With a fork. Lunch on the go! We asked our mole, Rameen, to send us a picture. Whoahhhhh.”

And so it is, Jonah has revealed to us the realization of his Extreme Cheetoh fantasy, with pics per request for repeated acts of auto-gratification.

All the while Obama’s wife Michelle threatens Jonah’s world with proposing proper nutrition at school lunch counters.

All the while the oil slurgs along the coast and Obama dreams up ways to stifle captialist creativity but not fast enough.

 
 

Musicallier Jim Hoff:

I would while away the hours
a-blogging with my powers
of ideas quite insane
And my crotch I’d be scratchin’
To deal with the itch that\s hatchin’
Cause my pants are all a stained.

I’d unravel every riddle,
For every individle,
With “Obama sucks” again.
With the thoughts I’d be thinkin’,
I could be another Lincoln,
Fadged well a thesaurean, I calumniously fain

..

 
 

Grace Nearing said,

June 19, 2010 at 23:11

The question comes to mind: Are any of the companies involved actually American? I know some may have once been, or are pretending to be after bailing for tax reasons (or maybe liability reasons, hmm?), but are any of them technically based here?

Inquiring minds, and suchnot.

 
 

Alternate even shorter Jim Hoft: PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT BP CEO AT THE REGATTA!

 
 

Alternate even shorter Jim Hoft: PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT BP CEO AT THE REGATTA!

QFT.

This noise has fuck-all to do with Teh Kenyan Usurper, & everything to do with taking heat off the oil industry (the GOP’s BFF) … & now, also taking the heat off themselves since so many of them agreed with apologizing to BP for its “shakedown” (before the mobs screaming for their heads inspired them to pull a 180).

I bet the GOP now despises America more than ever, because you just know they LOVED that “shakedown” angle like a firstborn son – & now its about as popular as the Ford Edsel or chronic mange.

BREAKING NEWS:

November 27, 2010 – Lame-duck GOP Representative Michele Bachman announced today that she has used an obscure & little-used provision of her state’s constitution to pass a law requiring all of her constituents to be roasted in the depths of a Giant Slor. “It’s the only way we have left to reliably purify our once-great Republic in these socialist times,” she explained.

 
 

jim: WHAT?! Why are you all looking at me like that? I … I just HAD to kill this thread! You all saw where it was going! You should be THANKING me!

thread: S-so … c-c-c-cold … everything … g-getting dark …

 
 

because you just know they LOVED that “shakedown” angle like a firstborn son

It’s like watching Wile E Coyote fall off a cliff: “What! You mean our suck-up-to-massive-corporations-that-ruined-everyones-lives idea isn’t working?! OH SHI-“(splat)

 
thedarkbackward
 

Jesus Christ – not only does he look like a Dan Clowes character, he even has a name like one.

 
The Goddamn Batman Took Five Minutes Off One Time To Get Alfred Some Chicken Soup When Alf Had A Cold, And Someone Jaywalked And Got Away With It, And He's Never Forgiven Himself
 

thedarkbackward is totally correct–Jimmers looks like he saves up to buy original artwork from Dan Pussey.

Also, Barry needs to realize that he has to take advantage of the soft bigotry of low expectations in order to manage his public image. People think that Obama could snorkel down to the well with a tub of Spackle in one hand and a determined gleam in his eye and take care of this thing if he really wanted to; on the other hand, any day that W didn’t walk into a wall or something in full view of reporters was considered a red letter day.

 
 

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