Brad, Pat Robertson said pretty much exactly that: that gay sex is the BEST SEX EVAH! and no one will ever
have heterosexual sex again if we don’t keep oppressing gays.

(Wish I weren’t at work so I could Google for a link for you, but they watch the search engines.(

The fact is Brad, we are at war for civilization itself. We are one gay marriage, one episode of queer eye for the straight guy, one latte away from the complete and utter destruction of our very way of life.

Let me tell you what is happening in my country: A series of rogue activist courts ruled that Canadian Marriage Laws were discriminatory against same sex couples. Eventually after a bitter, extended debate the Canadian Parliament legalized same sex marriage in the entire country.

Now, I fought against it at the time, knowing that homosexuals could freely marry any woman they chose. But I never realized the chaos that it would unleash, even though God was busy destroying New Orleans with a hurricane.

My brother got married in the middle of all this family destroying governmentness. At first I was hopeful, since I thought that a good Christian Man and Woman might as an example be able to stem the tide of wickedness that pollutes our political discourse up here.

But I was shocked one day to have the following conversation with him:

Your Grace, he said. I really like having sex with my wife.

I nodded, since good Christian men have conversations like this from time to time.

He looked a little worried though. Lately though, with all the gays getting arried, I fear that I might be getting overstimulated in a homosexual sort of way.

You haved caught teh gay? I asked incrediously.

I don’t think I have yet, but it is strangely addictive.

My eyes were opened from this day on. I saw construction workers oogling each others muscular tanned bodies, when they should have been hooting at women passing by. Heterosexual pornography sales have plummetted. I have even caught myself calling DJs to get It’s Raining Men to be played on the all request hour. Needless to say it, along with anything by Elton John or the Villiage People are the number 1 songs in the country. Nobody even drinks beer up here anymore.

Thankfully, our beloved Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, is going to reopen the debate on this important matter in the fall, even though less than a third of the country supports this civilization saving move. It might be too late to stop sixty percent of the population from turning into full gays, but then again, it might not. As for my brother, I urged him to get a mistress or two to help him cope with the homosexual overstimuli.

Siting here in queens eating refried beans we’re in all the magazines
Gulpin’ down thorazines we ain’t got no friends our troubles never end
No christmas cards to send daddy likes men

We’re a happy family we’re a happy family we’re a happy family me mom and daddy

Hmmmm, wasn’t it Dobson’s group that advocated dads showering with their young sons for some kinda “look how big dads penis is” thingy? These folks seem truly closeted.

Isn’t it obvious why they feel threatened?

Besides politics, the driving fear behind this amendment is that these homophobes’ sons will be able to openly act on the feelings they have suppressed for their whole lives.

The fear that their kid might be gay. Well, just ask Randall Terry or Alan Keyes. For some, it is enough to disown your kid and to say as much horrible shit about them in the press, lest anyone think you gay too.

If there is one thing that scares these people more than gay marriage, it is the prospect of a discovery of a gene linked to homosexual tendencies. That could mean that Alan Keyes, Randall Terry, and Dick Cheney could carry the gene. But not Dick. It has to be Lynne, with her lesbian books and all.

Yeah, there is that peak oil thing that means we will run out of our source of energy and our favorite fertilizer, paralyzing both industry and agriculture, but it’s Bob and Steve down the street who will really destroy civilization.

I have only recently come to understand the threat associated with gay marriage. The threat is that the institution of marriage will be undermined if we allow just any consenting adult to marry. That by itself doesn’t make any sense until you factor in who is doing the threatening.

That’s right, if we let everybody get married, the conservatives will destroy marriage with DOMAs.

Think of it as yet another aspect of the Scorched Earth Policy they’re using with the budget, gov’t functions like FEMA, and the environment.

Now, I fought against it at the time, knowing that homosexuals could freely marry any woman they chose.

Well, except the homosexual women. Bummer, really.

You know, I think conservatives just naturally flash to two burly men grinding when they think of homosexual marriage, not any of the really hot people, because if they were imagining those chicks from Sapphic Erotic or any other lesbian porn company, gay marriage would already be in the Constitution.

But if the family is itself being undermined at its foundational level, then do we really care what the price of gas is?

Now this is something I don’t understand- how the hell does same-sex marriage affect straight peoples’ families?

They’re trying to deal with “family” as a Universal. They’re playing in Plato’s sandbox, pretending that there is a perfect form out there somewhere for a “family”, and that two dudes getting married somehow offends the “form-maker” or the very existence of the form itself. It’s a bit like their notions of “abomination” and “blasphemy” – offending the very sense of “the way things are supposed to be” by virtue of there being an example or two or ten of things not being “that way”.

Wow. Not very clear, I know. They’re crazy, and it’s hard to find any kind of clarity in crazy.

The fact is that gay sex is totally addictive and capable of destroying all American families.

According to Dr. Gary Cameron, Ph.D.,

People in homosexuality are incredibly evangelical. It’s pure sexuality. It’s almost like pure heroin. It’s such a rush.

[H]omosexuality seems too powerful to resist. The evidence is that men do a better job on men and women on women.

Not that I would know anything about it personally. Like Dr. Cameron, I am just reporting the findings of SCIENCE.

Article here: http://www.pflagdetroit.org/Holy_War_OnGays.htm

[H]omosexuality seems too powerful to resist. The evidence is that men do a better job on men and women on women.

Did he just come out in favor of inferior sex? Good Lord. No wonder these people are always starting wars.

OK, I was reading Dear Abby on Friday, and I came across one I’ve never seen before. Check it out and see if you can tell me why this “GRANDMOTHER IN MISSOURI” believes what she does, ‘cos it’s insane-o-riffic. If I was that boy’s parents, I’d be worried about granny thinking about his foreskin so much. I mean, it’s just disturbing.