The Anchoress Makes Veiled P*n*s Reference*
Posted on February 11th, 2010 by Tintin
Shorter Sister Elizabeth Mary Magdalene Immaculata Scalia, O.C., The Anchoress
Global Recession & Low Birthrate
- Rubbers, not bankers, caused the financial crisis.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
*For more penis, go read Flaccid Hollywood’s John Nolte who apparently thinks that teabagging and cocksucking are the same thing — no, John, the cock and the balls are different things — and who says he is sorry that Roger Ebert’s treatment for thyroid cancer, which left Ebert unable to speak, didn’t also leave him unable to type.
I got yer bailout right here, baby.
Benedictus? Benny doesn’t even know us!
I used to be disgusted…
~
Wait, I thought the dark Satanic Mooslimish hordes were breeding like evil rabbits who eat carrots of hatred.
Pere, the Vatican is only talking about the Western world. That doesn’t include Muslims no matter where they’re born.
It’s good to see this site coming back its core values.
Ain’t getting off the boat. No way, no how, no sir.
How many economic units has the Anchoress produced?
Pere, the Vatican is only talking about the Western world
Oh, so Ann Choress is only referring to the problem of WHITE people not breeding fast enough, gotcha.
Not to nitpick, but you forgot to put PENIS in all caps.
Tired of these arguments from the irrational Catholic right. You see them all the time over at Jill Stanek’s site (she’s a former nurse, and a Catholic, and thinks she knows more than doctors, because, um, yeah). Their first argument is that overpopulation is a myth, because her commenters post photos of Manitoban plains, the Outback, and California deserts. Their second argument is that if we pro-aborts didn’t kill so many fetuses, the USA would have many more consumers spending their money at Wal Mart and keeping this economy afloat.
It’s quite a side show.
there’s a bilboard on the side of a truck near here that says something along the lines of “40,000,000 aborted babies will never pay social Security”
Since there aren’t 40,000,000 more jobs out there, they wouldn’t be paying Social Security if they HADN’T been aborted either. Sickness and Starvation is so much more humane.
Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™
Wow. Really? So she’s all about unprotected sex, even in the face of financial ruin?
Not to nitpick, but you forgot to put PENIS in all caps.
Maybe all caps had a headache.
I think the most telling part is this exchange
Please take this statement into consideration.
Low Birth Rate Caused by Recession.
This statement is certainly plausible by responsible people of all faiths. Some responsible married couples have taken an unusually hard look at their overall well being. With health care expenses on the rise, it is a usually difficult choice for middle class couples to make to raise and support children in modern day America. It would be interesting to look at the statistics for the last 2 to 3 small mini recessions that America has had and compare that to the birth rate of the middle class, which, I do suspect is running into the negative numbers.
[You’re still here on probation, you know. -admin]
Somone posts a thoughtful and not espcially argumentative reply and they get a warning.
I’m curious how Anchoviesh manages to reconcile her claim that the US has a zero birth rate with two other facts:
1) Abortion has been legal since 1979, which according to her should show a negative birth rate, since, you know, 40,000,000 Americans will not be collecting social security starting in 2044, and
2) The number of births each year in the US is roughly 4 million babies. The number of deaths each year is roughly 2.5 million. So a birthrate of 1.5 million is a positive, non-negative figure.
(by the way, the low birth rate is less a function of fewer women having babies– the numerator– but the extended life of women as a whole, which raises the number of living women– the denominator– and lowers the percentage.
Dumb ass!)
So she’s all about unprotected sex, even in the face of financial ruin?
Actually she’s all un-about sex.
Except for that thing where married couples are obligated to each other sexually. Ooops.
So, end result, women are never ever in charge of their fertility OR sexuality. The main point of Catholicism, as far as I can tell. Oh yeah and fuming incense stenchers.
Silly me. Here I thought that I was being rather thoughtful by not bringing another human being on the planet to consume our dwindling resources, but it turns out that I’m a selfish bitch who is ruining the economy.
Obama should give out tax breaks for vasectomy reversals.
the low birth rate is less a function of fewer women having babies– the numerator– but the extended life of women as a whole
Well, we’d make some of that disparity up through maternal death and back-alley abortions alone if we lived in her world.
Somone posts a thoughtful and not espcially argumentative reply and they get a warning.
The thoughtful ones are the most dangerous. Everyone knows thinking people tend to be non-conservatives…
@Scott: It’s wise to note Sister Scalia’s motto at the top of the blog: “Ideas create idols; only wonder leads to knowing.” Of course, if she took her own motto literally she’d have a hard time explaining why she doesn’t just STFU.
“Ideas create idols; only wonder leads to knowing.”
That’s the most idiotic thing I’ve ever read. And self-contradictory in several different ways.
I’m now picturing the Anchoress as someone who gawps up at the sky in amazement when water-fall-from-sky until, turkey-like, she drowns.
Scott,
As much as it’s a hamfisted attempt at humility, I can sort of grok what she’s saying: She’s trying to say that the only way to know something is to learn about it.
Funny coming from her.
I’m now picturing the Anchoress as someone who gawps up at the sky in amazement when water-fall-from-sky until, turkey-like, she drowns.
Veiled teabagging reference? Turkey-like gobble gobble gobble.
Wow. Word Press? It’s spammy to talk about sex for conception now???
Vatican economist Ettore Gotti Tedeschi quoted in Zenit (a Legion of Christ propaganda organ, according to Commonweal):
I like how he’s sort of apologetic about this but earlier blasts out his contraception equals global financial crisis thesis without inhibition.
So it’s not the word sex you object to, or conception.
Was it the bukkake reference? What about the massive dildo inference?
OK, those you were OK with….
Pregnancy?
“Ideas create Idols” (and therefore must me avoided at all costs); “only wonder leads to knowing” (unless wonder leads to ideas, or, God forbid, doubts). In fact, avoid wondering, or thinking, just to be safe.
Now that Roger Ebert has made a possibly mildly derisive remark about the teabaggers, all the dead-enders at Big Failywood are realizing that they have hated his rich snotty guts all along.
PENIS.
What about the massive dildo inference?
Um. How exactly does one “infer” a massive dildo?
I assume the same way one “infers” a black hole in the lightless void of space. It’s not what you can see of the massive dildo, but the influence it has upon the individual(s) that have it up in ’em.
She’s trying to say that the only way to know something is to learn about it.
As Steerpike said previously, wonder is good because it leads to knowledge, which leads to ideas, which are bad. No, she’s not grokworthy, she’s a gallon-sized freezer bag full of stewed and pureed idiocy.
Um. How exactly does one “infer” a massive dildo?
Seeing that the Shorter is for Tom Friedman and staying in the boat?
No?, Well how about this?
[You’re still here on probation, you know. -admin]
Can’t this be a new meme? To be posted after every idiot’s/troll’s/Broder entry? Make it a macro.
Alternative No-So-Shorter Anchoress:
The modern capitalist, free market economy is actually a pyramid scheme which needs more and more fresh souls in order to keep going. Of course, support of our current economic system is a matter of profound faith for us (so much so that we support it even if the man we claim is the “Son of God” seems like he wouldn’t have cottoned to our economic system), it is a matter of the utmost importance that we all keep having babies in order to prop up our pyramid scheme of an economic system.
*
BTW — what is someone who fancies herself as an Anchoress doing telling us to make babies? Is this a case of “do as I say, not as I do” or is she a little unclear on what the concept of an anchoress is? Does she think that those little holes used by anchoresses to communicate with the outside world also served as glory holes or something?
Um. How exactly does one “infer” a massive dildo?
Use modus pr0nens?
Shoulda waited. I gotta snappier comeback now.
Um. How exactly does one “infer” a massive dildo?
Speaking of David Broder, glad to see that he’s still
in touch with the people.
I never knew that billboards and black holes could be so hot!
Sort of on topic: a protein in weed could be used as a male birth control pill.
How exactly does one “infer” a massive dildo?
By the bulge in her panties, silly!
How exactly does one “infer” a massive dildo?
Infer a penny, infer a pound.
“Former US President Bill Clinton allegedly suffered from the syndrome, and it is now known but some as the ‘Clinton Kink’.”
That’s not what I’ve always thought of as the “Clinton Kink”
Sergeant ‘Clinton Kink’
[bad german accent] I fuck nothink! [/bad german accent]
How exactly does one “infer” a massive dildo?
First, you make sure it’s not humorless….
[You’re still here on probation, you know. -admin]
Commenter’s purgatory.
Go to work, N__B.
a protein in weed could be used as a male birth control pill
HA! So she DIDN’T get pregnant that night on Montego Bay!
wait a minute…that means I was married for twenty years on someone else’s dime!
It’s good to see this site coming back its core values.
i demand teh sawhich
Go to work, N__B.
I’m at work. I’m the boss, man. There’s no one to stop me.
There’s no one to stop me.
*knockknock*
Mr __B? IRS…
There’s protein in weed? So you really could live off the brownies.
By the bulge in her panties, silly!
Dunno…it could be a SHENIS.
True, but inferences are not always accurate, so I stand by my statement.
Dunno…it could be a SHENIS.
Shenis, Queen of the Urinal
Mr __B? IRS…
don’t be silly. It’s not as if engineers make any money….
don’t be silly. It’s not as if engineers make any money….
“We’re here to look at your expense accounts”
“Ideas create idols; only wonder leads to knowing.”
I wonder where she got that dumb idea.
How exactly does one “infer” a massive dildo?
Her eyes are bulging?
How exactly does one “infer” a massive dildo?
Believe me, if a massive dildo is insinuated into you, you’ll get the inference!
Her eyes are bulging?
If it’s a Republican,
Herhis eyes are bulging. And his wetsuits too.Is it PINTS
PANTS
PONYS
PANGS
PUNTS
PUNKS
????
Can I buy an “O”?
Alan Grayson is very wealthy and doesn’t have to worry about financing for his election. Even though many are well off, other senators do not have the luxury of not having to worry how they’ll pay for their re-election.
Oh crap, wrong window.
Oh crap, wrong window.
Way too much multitasking – especially after my second reward for slinging snow mimosa
Did I mention that I’m both a serial troll & a lazy sod?
Also: P3N15!
Global Recession & Low Birthrate
Curious stubborn fact: the low birthrate in America coincides with the creation of Medicaid and food stamps.
Now, if all those women were having brown babies to collect teh welfare, why didn’t the birthrate skyrocket?
silly liberals. Facts are biased, duh.
Jim, aren’t you still on probation?
Veiled P*n*s
People are generally uninterested in seeing my little burqa costume, hand-stitched though it is.
It’s impressive when people make such teeny artifacts.
Kind of the meaty equivalent of a ship-in-a-bottle.
Tauntaun costume. Also.
72 Comments and no “Meaning of Life” Reference?
Surely, medical facilities in the First World are suffering from lack of donated children, thus hurting R&D and new product development.
Every sperm is sacred.
Dimbulb’s motto: “Ideas create idols; only wonder leads to knowing.”
Actor’s attempt at translating the pidgin: “She’s trying to say that the only way to know something is to learn about it.”
no no no
wonder = the awesomeness of the contradictory bullshit taught by your church with fuming incense stenchers
knowing = if I believe hard enough then really I know for sure absolutely certain won’t listen to anything that might contradict lalalala can’t hear you
ideas = anything not involving wonder or belief
idols = oh who the hell knows
♩ And a tiny little mustache… ♩
Preemptive FYWP also too.
…the birth rate of the middle class, which, I do suspect is running into the negative numbers.
It’s almost as though if you put in economic policies that hurt the middle class, there are fewer of them, and the ones that are left can’t afford kids.
When all you’ve got is a PENIS—-
I will trust the shorter this time.