The Plusquamperfection of Don Surber
Above: “…Erick is idle/ Pam’s found a bone…”
Don Surber, the Charleston (WV) Daily Mail:
The peace blimp
- Michael Moore is fat.1 Lookit the dumb liberals.2 Ha-ha, imagine them blown up by terrorists.3
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
1 Once nonpareil among conservative witticisms, the ‘Michael Moore is fat’ line is rarely encountered anymore due to the heaps of scorn, the scorncobs and indeed heaping bowls of scornflakes heaped upon it by liberals. The line was in fact a ticism. Because it had no wit to begin with. And no, that’s not funny either, but it seems like a reasonably smart person could labor the kinks out of it somehow, or that Noël Coward might have gotten away with it on an evening of dull company. Cf. ‘stuck on stupid.’
2 Whoopsie, it’s actually Ron Paul’s campaign director. Mr. Surber, we see you there, and please click the play button below.
3 ‘Blown up’ is just an inference, for what he actually says is this:
“Here is what I imagine: The Peace Blimp being hijacked. Ka-boom.”
Since this is Surber, he might in fact be imagining a hijacked Peace Blimp flown into a building and exploding with all the blimp gas ker-fooshing out, like with that one blimp, The Zeppelin, and the radio guy was all “Oh my God,” heh-heh, and you always see the old film footage of it on the History Channel. Radio guy got fired for that too, true fact, and his name was Orson Welles.
Oh, let’s have that trombone again.
Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™
So what’s this about a Peace Blimp? Is that like the
HindenburgRon Paul campaign vehicle?Which might explain why he missed so many primaries…
Peace is a dirty word, she used to be a painted blimp.
I’m staying on the boat.
But what the fuck is a “peace blimp”, anyway? Other than, of course, Michael Moore HURF DURF GUFFAW BLURP BLURP *rustle rustle*
Peace was a dirty whore who was a painted blimp?
Was this on some BBW lovers dating site?
He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.
Was this on some BBW lovers dating site?
Gotta ask Ian Astbury that one.
We are forming a Non profit 501(c)(3). Your donations will be tax deductible.
So, um, people who think taxes are robbery are going to contribute money so they can, um, write it off on the taxes Glorious High Lord Obama steals from them at gunpoint.
I’d expect something from Paulistas along the lines of “Fuck this, you’re not going to file anyway, so we aren’t even going to bother making this dedcutible”.
or “deductible”, even.
Don needs a DEVO dome.
I expect Don Surber is in danger of getting blowed up every day. That man should stop lighting his farts after eating EZ-Cheez.
Here is what I imagine: The Peace Blimp being hijacked. Ka-boom.
AWESOME. I hope they paint it like an enormous fetus. Ka-bort!
Staying in the goddamn boat. Nothing good can come out of a red-state newspaper that serves a town of less than 100,000.
And isn’t it just great when they come out and blatantly say “People who disagree with me should die horrible deaths?” It’s like watching a character in The Witches take off her gloves and wig.
No no no I hope they paint it with a dead-eyed stare behind old-timer discount glasses and gap-toothed grin! Sur-boom!
It isn’t nice to make fun of someone that has the misfortune of having cleft teeth.
What a minute, Orson Wells wasn’t the radio guy announcing the Hindenburg crash. “Oh, the humanity….!” That guy? Maybe you are referring to something else. You aren’t thinking of the War of th eWorlds broadcast, are you?
will they serve appletinis on the peace blimp?
Peace blimp… Catchy. Maybe Cat Stevens could write a song about it.
But he’s a MOOSLEM!!
See, it’s all Obama’s fault.
this, sir, is footnotes gone wild, i say, sir, nothing but rampant footnote-ism, sir, up with which i shall not put(1)
1. q.v, ibid, bvd.
Orson Wells wasn’t the radio guy announcing the Hindenburg crash
Close enough for jazz, man.
What was that movie where terrorists hijacked the Goodyear blimp and Bruce Dern had to stop them from exploding it at the Super Bowl? Good Friday, Crazy Sunday, something with a day of the week in it?
Anyway, maybe we can look forward to a remake where Gaptooth is the good guy who hijacks the Peace Blimp and explodes it in a farmer’s market or something.
will they serve appletinis on the peace blimp?
And show alpaca sex videos.
Bloody Sunday, BS, I think.
What was that movie where terrorists hijacked the Goodyear blimp and Bruce Dern had to stop them from exploding it at the Super Bowl? Good Friday, Crazy Sunday, something with a day of the week in it?
Black Sunday, I assume.
Yeah, actor…. “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!” He’s on a roll.
“true fact”
Perfect.
a remake where Gaptooth is the good guy who hijacks the Peace Blimp and explodes it in a farmer’s market or something
As we all know, terrorism isn’t terrorism if you do it for the right reasons.
Black Sunday it is. Thanks, Pere.
It isn’t nice to make fun of someone that has the misfortune of having cleft teeth.
How about for having a neck the same width as his head which makes him look amazingly like a big toe with a face drawn on it?
Modern airships use helium, which is not explosive. The Hindenburg blew up because it was filled with hydrogen, which is.
The only way to get a “ka-boom” today would be to set off a bomb in the cockpit.
Expect much outrage about dangerous Democrats using the law to abuse good companies and how this will make Wall Street have a sad and refuse to work with their traditional peak enthusiasm and efficiency:
Corporations are people unlike liberals who are not.
Was a time back in the Golden Age, I looked forward to a Future — not of jet-packs, like most children of my cohort — but of PERSONAL BLIMPS.
That this Future seems to recede further and further with each passing decade is a source of deep melancholy.
I looked forward to a Future — not of jet-packs, like most children of my cohort — but of PERSONAL BLIMPS.
So it’s your fault, the obesity crisis…
Attention Shoppers!
We have a special on Randian deadheads two threads back.
Actually, in the aerospace industry, they are referred to as airships. Could be rigid, could be non-rigid, filled with some sort of lighter than air gas….
Sounds much trendier. “Blimps” sounds so 20th century. Or a reference to a sandwich chain.
Imagine having a penis so large that nobody could ever laugh at you again. Women will swoon. The boss will listen to you. Nobody will ever kick sand in your face again. Just fifteen minutes a day and soon everyone will be begging to ride your blimp.
steampunk is so huge right now
I thought a blimp was specifically a non-rigid lighter than air craft, with engines of some kind.
Hydrogen was only ever used where economic sanctions made the use of helium difficult. Using hydrogen is probably illegal in most places now.
Making a helium airship blow up is a bit difficult. Crashing it is pretty easy though.
Come to think of it, the Ron Paul blimp was probably powered by a mixture of hot air and methane, donated by Paultards.
Sockpuppet, yes, you are correct…. I was just bored and wanted to post something. The term “airship” is used to cover ALL lighter than air vehicles, blimps being a subset. Guess what industry I work in?
I didn’t know that all those Goodyear blimps that we always see at football games were the SAME old ones that the Navy used during WWII. Same ones, refurbed a bit. I hadn’t realized they were that old. I think they are getting replaced with next generation ones now.
Ho. Lee. Fuck. Eric Cantor brings on teh funnay: “I sense a lot of dissatisfaction and a lot of buyer’s remorse on Wall Street,”
Yep, he was talking about Wall St.’s poltical donations. “Buyer’s remorse.” Precious.
steampunk is so huge right now
And I can see why.
Gocart Mozart: How about
“Corporations Are Better Citizens Than Liberals!”
for a bumper sticker?
Yep, he was talking about Wall St.’s poltical donations. “Buyer’s remorse.” Precious.
Recall!
“I sense a lot of dissatisfaction and a lot of buyer’s remorse on Wall Street,”
Only a metaphor, I’m sure. Winkitty winkitty.
Of course, Wall Street’s made huge gains since March, and is sitting pretty now. So they really don’t got fuck-all to complain about. But hey, while we’re on the subject, any Troofyologists got the little shit’s post about Dow 2,000 or something similar.
Gavin, you are the Shakespeare of the blogosphere–an upstart crow, shaking your spear all over the place. Brilliant use of the sad trombone.
I thought a blimp was specifically a non-rigid lighter than air craft, with engines of some kind.
“Nice balloon you have here, Col. Zeppelin.”
“Is NOT a ‘balloon’ It is an AIRSHIP! An AIRSHIP, do you hear!” *thump*
Imagine. Throngs of 8 or 9 people turning out with signs welcoming the peace blimp, while others mostly go about their business and wonder why the hell anyone thought this was an effective use of time and resources. With each stop along the tour, frustrated backers wonder why people are simply more worried about their daily lives than coming out to scream for a blimp.
Crowds flock to the events and are educated about the war. With each stop along the tour the momentum for peace grows from a dull roar into an undeniable fervor until the seemingly endless wars come to an end…
Remember how we stopped having wars after everyone started speaking Esperanto?
But suppose the blimp showered people with, uh, free stuff? You know keychains, t-shirts, mugs with a pic of the Peace Blimp? And pencils, don’t forget pencils. Bumper stickers. “PEACE! IT’S WHAT’S FOR EVER!”
Anvils?
Is it THAT FUCKING DIFFICULT to realize that no, everyone does really like peace, but will allow themselves to be manipulated far too often into thinking that violent conflict is the best alternative to whatever? Particularly when you claim their security is directly threatened?
SWEET SCREAMING JESUS, if all it took to not have wars was a bunch of people realizing WAR IS A BAD THING we’d have had 10,000 years of sweet peace and tranquility already.
But suppose the blimp showered people with, uh, free stuff?
Oh yeah, they should totally BOMB PEOPLE with pencils, paperweights and mugs. And lawn darts! Everybody loves lawn darts!
Anvils?
Damn you.
And am I a total idiot (SHUSH, YOU!) for thinking that maybe the above was too goddamn self-evident for speech, in the same way that oh, say, smashing yourself on the hand with a hammer is A Bad Thing and so we don’t educate people extensively in How Not To Smash Yourself On The Hand With A Hammer, and even so Mr. Surber is a assclown of the first water for makling fun of the concept, thus proving himself to be the kind of person who hammers should be kept away from lest he spend his idle hours breaking hot merely his phalanges but all 206 bones in his (presumably) human skeleton.
Pardon the totally OTness but I want to pass this along to as many folks as possible. Please go to the link below.
http://thecompgeek.info/?p=70
Translation – Denial of Service attack on the pro Iranian gov’t. web sites. Thereby shutting them down. Yes, it really does work and it really is that simple.
Turkeys of Freedom
But suppose the blimp showered people with, uh, free stuff?
Anvils?
Turkeys of Freedom
Frozen Turkeys of Freedom carrying anvils
Maybe if the peace types could use this blimp people might notice.
Frozen Turkeys of Freedom carrying anvils floating down on bowling ball parachutes!
Blimps? Where’s my damn hovercar?
Obambi is continuing his fall, libs.
plusquamperfection… 🙂
Don Surber is such an unfortunate looking dumbass. I hate (not really) to be looksist but this guy emerged from the womb as Gomer Pyle without the niceties.
Gavin M.!
I hope things are well bayou.
~
And none who have witnessed all
can think of a nobler cause
than perishing in
The Pencil Rain.
The Dash Board: Dash dozes, getting into the Olympic spirit by dreaming he just medaled at the ’68 Games.
Turkeys of Freedom
As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!
DASH POWAR!!
Hee hee, holy crap he’s cute!
Nifty!
I wish we could send all the snow we are about to get up to Teh Olympics
~
Dash, in that photo, has all the appearance of an all knowing, all seeing, benevolent master. Who wouldn’t follow him anywhere?
(He is soooooo cute. This is my fav photo, and this is too adorable for words.)
I live in the vicinity of the Olympics and very few here are in the spirit, mostly because the event is costing $6 billion, about $5.5 billion more than originally estimated, at the expense of health care, education, and other badly needed services. VANOC has become our resident dictator, military jets roar overhead, there are 15,000 armed police strolling the downtown, and another bazillion civilian security people. Roads are closed and transit is going to be swamped, lengthening commuting times. The whole event has an enormously tacky and corrupt track record.
If the IOC ever comes to your town you will undoubtedly regret it. Better to watch the games from afar on HDTV.
If the IOC ever comes to your town you will undoubtedly regret it.
I bet Columbus, Ohio will remain safe, forevuh!
But we’re gonna get some snow.
~
in other news, the appearance of an image mr surber in a public forum sent stupidity futures up 1.42%
analysts feel, however, that the stupidity market has a lot of room to grow, and economic conditions are just right for it to go through the roof. look for more outbreaks of incipient fascism and bloody martyred logic lying on the floor left for dead, as well as just plain gooboobooness of all varieties
Carly Fiorina “in full Mutton Meltdown” with “an increasingly bizarre fixation on farm animals”
She certainly puts the win in wingnut.
If the IOC ever comes to your town you will undoubtedly regret it.
Oddly, the Olympix seem to have done my hometown of Salt Lake City some good. At least we got our crumbling highways fixed and got a light rail system that was actually designed non-stupidly (I commute on it and it kicks ass.)
On the whole, though, I think you’re right, and you’re definitely right about the corruption and tackiness.
Carly Fiorino’s FCINO is pronounced ‘fuckey no’.
Why would former Broncos and Falcons coach Dan Reeves want hippies to be blown up by terrorists? What did they ever do to him? It wasn’t like they were the ones kicking the crap out of him in the Super Bowl when he had John Elway, and then again when he didn’t.
Xechy, Metro Vancouver achieved a similar public transit benefit but at the rate the city’s population is growing, we would have built the subway from the airport to downtown eventually anyway. The entire “Canada Line” was hurriedly constructed using poorly paid and, to some extent abused, foreign labour. The cost of the Olympics has delayed expanding other badly needed public transit services and the buses and subways are so jammed, people living here and travelling here for the Olympics will wait hours to get a tram car. I use transit weekly and it’s packed during rush hour without the Olympics, so the service is rapidly approaching being inadequate.
Vancouver doesn’t need to be promoted. It’s a port city drawing tens of thousands of Asian immigrants every year. As it is, the city lacks adequate housing to support this growth and its housing is the least affordable in the world. Expo 86 changed Vancouver for the better but it was months long and well planned and supported. This two week circus just isn’t supportable from any point of view I can find.
After experiencing the IOC’s influence politically and economically, I’d support the committee building a permanent Olympics city somewhere in Europe that would need maintenance, not this travelling side show. The rich people spending thousands on tickets could go there (though who would pay for it is anyone’s guess. Sponsors.)
I’ll just leave this here.
with “an increasingly bizarre fixation on farm animals”
What’s so bizarre?
Scott Brown, 41st GOP senator, sworn in
i’m ready to do a little swearing, myself
The Dash Board: Dash dozes, getting into the Olympic spirit by dreaming he just medaled at the ‘68 Games.
Right on, baby.
I thought Lieberman was the 41st GOP senator?
Gocart Mozart: How about
“Corporations Are Better Citizens Than Liberals!”
for a bumper sticker?
“I’m a corporation, and I (buy) vote(s).”
I am become death, killer of threads.
Read the fucking FAIL and weep.
It’s alive!
Wait, what PUMA post?
Wait, what PUMA post?
Looks like a broken link. Fail indeed.
Totally unfair to goof on two of Akron’s greatest products- DEVO and blimps! Of course, I escaped years ago, but, I got off parole and the check cleared, and, dammit….
I, for one, would look forward to getting hit by a blimp.
It is tough out there:
Hit By A Blimp playing live at the Plaza Sportiva 24h-spinning-marathon.
Speaking of blimps – how to deal with ratfuckers like Little Jimmy O’Keefe and Andrew Not-So-Breitbart:
It is tough out there:
It’s hard out there for a blimp.
Oh, man, I shoulda …
“It’s hard out there for a blimp.”
Is there an Oxycotin and Viagra shortage?
If the IOC ever comes to your town you will undoubtedly regret it. Better to watch the games from afar on HDTV.
If you have followed the UK papers, next year’s London jamboree is a fuckfest of epic proportions. None of the bullshit that was promised (decent housing, community projects, etc) have materialized and the IOC appears to ahve dictoorial powers. For gods, sake, they have ordered London to do some of the horsey shit in St. James Park , seemingly for the Lutz. The whole of the UK has to pay for this shit, in a city which already gets far too much money spent on it as a whole. And the cost has gone way off the charts. Parisians (Paris was runner up to London) are laughing there arse off. I am sure the citizens of Chicago will feel the same.
next year’s London jamboree is a fuckfest of epic proportions
Surely no one could have foreseen etc. …so where the hell was Biggles?
Reportedly, Vancouver’s IOC dictatorship has also banned deliveries of heating fuel for six weeks and has boarded up occupied houses deemed too close to IOC facilities at gunpoint.
The olympic games have no place in a free country.
How the hell, Gavin, did you find ‘Stuck on Stupid’? You’ve got the apparent web range of a gray whale.
‘Saluting’ Nazi filmmaker idiotic”
Not only did these jerks decide to use Nazi footage, they doctored the original footage to edit out Nazi symbols, hoping no one would notice.
It didn’t work out..
They didn’t really need the original footage, since they’re doing such a great job of being nasty little fascists on their own. With full support from the con governments of the day, of course.
lobbey, you might be interested in this.
http://www.vancouversun.com/news/Impact+hosting+Olympics+inconclusive+study/2303328/story.html
“Inconclusive” is the most positive spin they can put on this five ring circus.
A UBC prof concluded there are no meaningful social benefits in the history of the Olympics, but I can’t find the article. Will see if I can dig it up.
There are more homeless people than ever in Vancouver. Little has been done to solve homelessness. Much of the promised social housing hasn’t materialized, and the homeless are being shuffled out of sight into shelters, and in one case, moved to another town.
Whistler, a ski resort hosting many of the events will experience its lowest level of business ever during the Games. The resort is asking the feds for $90 million in compensation for lost business. Businesses in security corridors have to shut down or will see no traffic. These same businesses were told they’d reap major benefits from the Games.
Vancouver was awesome this summer, but it’s clear the provincial government is not swimming in resources. Hosting the IOC: big mistake. Unfortunately, I don’t think the message is going to reach the US. I mean, Obama–Obama–was trying to get the Olympics to come to Chicago. Clearly, the community organizers need to get and stay on message here!
The conservatives have been out of power since 2008. Conservative pundits are toothless. Why bring them to task? Obama and the Democrats are the ones abusing power now. Hell, Franken is even a senator. Obama invaded Pakistan and Haiti, so why is Cheney still your war scapegoat?