Holy Hermeneutics, Jeff!

It’s bad enough that you carry your five-dollar vocabulary like one of Minnie Pearl’s hats, but do you really think you provide enough entertainment value to ask us to help pay for it, too? Me, I’ll stick with the paste-eating channel, now on expanded basic cable!

Hey, be nice!
Didn’t the man who can’t write in English or PNAC-Latin (that’s JOSH TREVINO to those of you who don’t cotton to the use of aliases)say that Jeff G. is a retardo or something like that? Maybe he tripped him in grade school and addled his brains… I’m a little fuzzy on the details.
Anyway, Jeff G. is brain-impaired, and on anti-anxiety medication because of something—shouldn’t we take it easy on him?

Comment by Bruce Baugh at Crooked Timber:

“Talking with Mom and Dad about their personal histories led me to this association: what the war party bloggers have done is recreate the experience of being a child in World War II. They write patriotic essays and make patriotic collages, and get pats on the head and congratulations from the authorities. They watch diligently for the mutant, I mean, for the subversive among us, and help maintain the proper atmosphere of combined courage and vigilance. They are not expected to manage the family books, nor invited into discussion of the nitty-gritty, and it seldom occurs to them that there’s even a possibility there – that’s for the grown-ups, and rightly so.

“But what’s fitting for a child isn’t fitting for an adult.”

Liberals don’t advocate PRIVATE charity, Jeff. That’s for conservatives to justify slashing the safety net, remember? But tell you what — we’ll all hold a big protest demanding that the government subsidize your blog and the purchase of your new house.

Wah, wah, wah. If you can’t afford both housing and blogging, Jeff, perhaps you need to set your priorities a little differently instead of ending up “on the street.” If you can’t carry your own weight, and your friends and supporters can’t bolster you enough to keep you in bandwidth… well then, I don’t think any of us are likely to step up. Your voice is not materially different from the dozens of others out there screeching the Bushco talking points and insulting those who hold differing political views, and frankly I don’t think you’ll be much missed.

Boy, Jeff’s really been let down by the whole free-market system, ¿no? I mean, having to move because a property owner decides to exercise the All-American right to sell…it’s downright Muslaministic of him!

Unfortunately, some sugar daddy will come around and provide the necessary scratch to keep Jeff in paste for a while longer…and he won’t learn anything from the experience of being evicted…

I seem to remember that liberals believe in the currently being dismantled social safety net, even for Jeff. The basis of Republican sacrifice is charitable donation (preferably faith based). Although liberals certainly believe in charitable donation, I firmly believe Jeff’s attention should be towards that top 5% (the Republican branch)who have saved so much due to the Bush tax breaks. He would feel so awkward if George Soros bailed him out.

I wonder if Atrios and the rest of his progressive brethren… will step up and help save this poor young family from ending up on the streets.

My liberal bleeding heart was so deeply moved by Jeff’s eloquent call for help that I have personally pledged thirteen cents.

Maybe he should go to Freeperland with hat in hand and ask for some help. Seeing how wingnutia raised a whopping 600 bucks for the war effort….I’m sure they can raise enough for a 1…maybe 2 night stay at the local motel 6. As they say…they’ll keep the light on for ya.

I sent him a copy of James Frey’s book, along with a prophetic warning and a pamphlet for Hazelden.

I give…oh, Lord, do I give.

Mal, if you really did that, I heart you.

also, what’s awesome is his compartmentalization of costs. See the money that people send him would go to the site, but OTHER money would go to his house. Got it. Sounds like Fumento Pimento.

My goodness. I didn’t know you could do this.

Hey Wingnuts. I’ve got a crappy little blog. Can I have some money?

I love the internets…

mikey

Dig into your pockets, friends. Because, naturally, we should immediately support something we think is the shits.

Tell me again what his reasoning is? Shouldn’t he be going all resentful that the people who AGREE with him aren’t supporting him, instead of the people who think he’s a joke?

Dear Mr. Goldstein:

Castro Human Services Center, 1200 Federal Blvd link

Tell you what Jeff, I will pay my taxes, and you cash in on the government welfare that is so excellent. Welfare mom in blogger pajamas.

The spirit of Fitzmas overtook me, so I sent him some money, along with this message.

Jeff, I’m sorry to hear about your financial troubles. As a progressive, I’ve decided to help you out by donating $200. As a gesture of good will, I’ve decided to do it in a way consistent with your Republican beliefs. Taking the reconstruction of Iraq as my model, I did the following:

I hired some heavies to rob your house. They found $190 in the kitty above the fridge, and $10 on your bedside table. I thought it was only fair to use your money to pay them (seeing as you are the beneficiary here), so that leaves $160 for you.

Unfortunately, we broke your gate on the way out, so gave $90 dollars to my friends to fix it for you. They haven’t got around to it yet. I hear the company has since been disbanded, so I’m not sure we’ll be seeing that again. Oh well, these things happen. At least they painted it a nice colour.

Just before I left your property, I spotted your cat. I know your cat has a bad reputation, but I was in a hurry to leave, so I handed $30 and told it to buy you something nice. I trust your cat gave you a pleasant surprise?

I gave the remaining $40 to Mr Samarah to put in your paypal account. I think you might know him — he owns a cement factory? Well, I have a bit of bad news on that count. Look, you’ve got to expect some inefficiencies in a situation like this, and consequently, only one third of the value will be getting to you. Frankly, I think you should be grateful that we liberated you– I mean, liberated some money for you.

So that’s it. There’s $13 in your paypal account. I expect you to be grateful and to use it wisely. And if I hear anything bad about your financial situation causing arguments in your household, you’ll only have yourselves to blame. After all, I gave you $200.

Regards,
elendil

By the way, sorry about your dog.

Talk to the invisible hand.

did somebody say “personal responsibility”?

I told him I’d be happy to help him out if he would just supply me with documentation of his attempts to find gainful employment.

Hey Mikey, I like your Idea… So like a good neighbour, I’m gonna steal it.

Dear beloved right wing trolls who read this blog.

I, His Grace, need money. I personally need about $200 a month USD to run my own webserver for my blog, The Imperial. It isn’t even a political blog, and mostly involves the criticism of absurdity.

Please, I know I make fun of you constantly and find you a bunch of dangerous maniacs playing a world sized version of Risk with, well, innocent people’s lives.

But let’s move past that. I thought you were big in to charity. Helping a man when he’s down and all that. Well, I happen to be down a fair bit and am facing an illness with life changing consequences. And before you say “Join the Army and follow Dear Leader like a good Republican,” I am a) Not a citizen and b) said illness is not a good combination with guns and artillery shells.

Besides the dedicated web server, I’d also like a new computer to blog on and a new house to blog in. A car would be nice too. Nothing too flashy, I wouldn’t want to abuse your generosity.

Thanks in Advance,

His Grace

Oh, kids. The suffering of others! Where is the civility??

Aw, shucks, Bradrocket 🙂 I’m glad you found it funny. Unfortunately, the people over at Protein Wisdom don’t seem to get it.

elendil, you are genius.

🙂 fillerbunny, I’m just happy to make you smile.

Elendil, that’s freaking brilliant.

Giving him money is a nice gesture. I’d give him some, but, ummmmmmm, my clickin’ fingers sooooooo tiiiiiiired.

Thanks fiver. I’m glad people find it funny. After the cold reception at Protein Wisdom, I was starting to wonder if the joke made sense to anyone except me.

elendil, you brought tears (of laughter) to my eyes.

You are truly a giver.

And what does it say about Goldstein that he barely notices that his landlord is jobless and forced to sell off his property?

No, what really matters here is the fact that Jeffie is being inconvenienced. Waah!

Shouldn’t he be going all resentful that the people who AGREE with him aren’t supporting him, instead of the people who think he’s a joke?

No, g, because the point is that people who don’t like him but won’t help him are hypocrites, like all progressives. See? It makes sense if you repeat it a couple hundred times an hour.

I just want to make it clear that I’ve never had a tweedy classroom demeanor. Moreover, I recently signed an Online Demeanor petition in which I promised to call things by their proper names, even when the word “wanker” is involved.

elendil, your post was very funny. I wentover there and read the comments, and I have to say, is Jeff fucking nuts? And are his sympathetic posters nuts?

Does this guy have a fucking sense of entitlement, or is he just such a lousy writer that his meager attempt at irony just didn’t come off at all? I’d charitably excuse him of the latter, if it weren’t for the fact that, completely without irony, he jumps onthe comments threads and weighs in defensively, and posted a second thread.

Can I believe what I read? This guy really thinks that progressives should contribute money, not to support his website (which would be unlikely due to the fact that progressives DISAGREE with him), but to support his family for the unexpected turn of fortune that INCONVENIENCED them and made them change their plans?

He seems to have the same sense of entitlement as George Bush.

Maybe he can find someone to give him a CEO job running an oil company.

Oh, Professor Berube! [wriggles in seat self-consciously] You referred to my comment! [clutches stack of books to chest]

Tell me your office hours, again? I need to talk to you about…that essay you assigned.

[Swoons]

elendil – I’d like to say congratulations on your future Koufax award for the above comment. Absolutely priceless!!

Tak, g, Charlotte, thanks for your kind words. Charlotte, if you nominated me for a Koufax, I’d give you a big, wet, sloppy kiss. Anything that increases the number of people reading about torture on my blog earns my undying gratitude.

I have contacted you, most American friend, because of the death of my client, Arubba Dukkye, who has bequeathed the sum of 23,000,045 snerdlings to be invested in the efforts of a goodly American in the field of international relations, like yourself, Mr. Paste E. Ater, sir.

To accomplish the fund transfer, you will need to take this suitcase (marked ‘yellowcake’) full of snerdlings to a great American Bank and deposit it, along with your own two cents so that you will use it to continue your fight for freedom wherever men yearn to ask customers if they’d like freedom fries with that shakedown.

Please, in your wisdom and goodness, contact me at your earliest opportune moment of, at jaquesinnabox@boogerqueensland.yak

Sincerely;

Court Counsel Krak E. Dileteerze, Esq.

I’d pay him for 1 GB of compromising pictures of himself — capitalism at work!

Of course, seeing as it’s capitalism, and a buyer’s market at that, I’ll give him $.05 per inch.

First I want to apologize for getting all personal and OT, but..

g,
Are you the same g who posts over at the Narrow? Just curious.

And now back to our regularly scheduled lambasting of our friendly neighborhood paste eater…

I just wonder if Jeff realizes that by trying to call out progressives on their (supposed) hypocrisy, he is by default admitting that everything conservative (from tax cuts to eliminating all social safety nets — including unemployment benefits) is fatally flawed and destructive to this country, and everything progressive is what makes this country great…

P.S.
Preznit give me turkee!

Oh, if only Goldstein lived in one of those municipalities that offers free, citywide WiFi service. Then, if he had a laptop with a wireless networking card, and a charging cord that plugs into a cigarette lighter, he’d be able to continue blogging even after he’s living in his car! And he’d only need the occasional $50-80 for a tank of gas (why am I picturing some monstrous SUV here?). *sniff* It’s like a beautiful dream!

I don’t understand why he hasn’t decided to dickslap his landlord until the landlord agrees not to sell.

Tweedy? Everyone knows the evilest one wears a leather jacket.

Elendil, kudos to the way you respond to the pondlife over at PW – despite their amazing skills at self-delusion, ad hominem attacks, conflation, excuse mongering and just sheer dimwittedness.

I don’t consider it a good day unless I’m fairly sure I’ve sown doubt in the mind(?) of a WATB Bush apologist, and by this measure you can consider today a Good Day 🙂

is this what you americans call a ‘welfare queen’? does she have a cadillac?

Nicely done, Elendil. If that hadn’t been so witty..in fact, had it only contained half the wit, I’m sure Goldstein would have love it.

Maybe Goldstein could hit up John Aravosis for some dough.

“g,
Are you the same g who posts over at the Narrow?”

I don’t know what the Narrow is, so probably not.

I post as g in a couple of other places like Atrios and Crooks & Liars, but not very regularly.

Wow. Is Jeff Golddigger the wankiest wanker who ever wanked, or what?

Tsk tsk. His poor choices led to this predicament, and he has bootstraps that he can pull himself up by.

That is, if he hasn’t pawned his boots yet, because Teh Gubmint spent his hard-earned welfare check on some paint for a school in Kirkuk.

Cream rises to the top. The fact is that American meritocracy is alive and well when Golddigger’s blog isn’t blessed by the free market with ads and funding.

Wow. Is Jeff Golddigger the wankiest wanker who ever wanked, or what?

Tsk tsk. His poor choices led to this predicament, and he has bootstraps that he can pull himself up by.

That is, if he hasn’t pawned his boots yet, because Teh Gubmint spent his hard-earned welfare check on some paint for a school in Kirkuk.

Cream rises to the top. The fact is that American meritocracy is alive and well when Golddigger’s blog isn’t blessed by the free market with ads and funding.

Okay, okay. One of our housemates has finally found a place of her own, so our little impromptu homeless shelter is at half-capacity. I suppose if Jeff wants to move in, he can have her room.

He should be aware, though, that we’re queer, pagan/heathen, liberal, pro-choice, cat people. No smoking, drinking, or hanky-panky allowed. And we don’t have room for him to park a car, so he’ll have to learn to take the busses.

Honestly. I’m about as big a doormat as you could find, but somehow I draw the line at sending cash to people who have more money than I do (and as an out-of-work motel maid, that’s pretty much everybody) and people who are prepared to mock me for so doing. Screw him. Screw him cold.

Shame his family has to suffer, but then, with him as a father/husband, they’re probably used to it by now. There’s always WIC.

That last was me. Someone ate my identity cookie.

Look’s like Jeffy’s fundraiser is over…..and with a grand total of – forty-three dollars. One third of which came from the dashingly witty elendil.

I could make some wonderfully insightful point about liberals and their commitment to kindness and charitable values despite their comittment to what conservatives call “government charity” versus conservatives who seem to think private charity can replace the social safety net, but only as long as they don’t have to be the ones donating.

But instead, I think I’ll just point and laugh. It’s so much more fun!

Thanks Gridlock and Mal de mer.

Gridlock, I don’t know about how well I handled the commenters at Protein Wisdom. Somehow I ended up discussing how I’m not a bad person who wants the Islamists to win, and that yes, I do care about torture in China and Syria and everywhere that’s not the US. Once I’d convinced (?) them that I wasn’t a bad person, suddenly I was a self-righteous pratt. And obviously I’ve got a problem with condescension. Really, I think that our resident trolls deserve an award or something. That’s not fun.

Thanks Jillian. I think the $43 is only from “the left”, which I gather sit around singing Kumbaya, and deserve to have their necks slit by the Islamic terrorists that they support. Wow, you can’t make this shit up.

Oh, and I was thinking about that comment you made a while back about the role of education, and I think you might be right. But could it be so simple? Does it all just boil down to logical fallacies? I need to sleep on it.

I was gonna ask the dork who posted about Kumbayah just what HE was doing to protect us (since his post was all about liberals expecting to be protected) but I thought better about it.

But I admire you for sticking in there. What a bunch of schmucks.

elendil, it doesn’t *all* boil down to logical fallacies, but that’s a huge chunk of it.

There’s more to critical thinking than just the ability to construct a valid argument, I think. One of the things the left and right miss when they talk past each other is a failure to acknowledge our lack of shared definitions and assumptions. To use a vastly oversimplified example, if I were to talk about “making America strong”, I would be saying something about an America in which no one went to bed hungry and everyone had a shot at a decent education. Someone on the right would be talking about an America that could crush its enemies.

We just have *vastly* different conceptions of what government is, what its purpose is, what an economy is composed of, what work is, what human dignity is…and those are just off the top of my head.

And then to make it worse, people argue for their positions using logical fallacies, meaning you’ve got to strip the fallacious arguments away before you can even begin to address the root differences. But you can’t get rid of the fallacies, because your average joe wouldn’t recognize a logical fallacy if it walked up, bit him on the ass, and sent his kid off to go die in a pointless overseas war.

It’s why I tend to be pretty hyped on the idea of trying to improve the quality of education. If you can deal with the fallacies quicker and easier, you can get down to brass tacks. But it’s a generations-long project, I fear. Ignorance as massive as what we’ve created in ‘Merkuh doesn’t go away overnight.

Say, isn’t this a violation of that “online integrity” pledge Goldstein signed?

http://tinyurl.com/q5cut

Geez, that didn’t take long, did it?

Unfortunately, the people over at Protein Wisdom don’t seem to get it.

Yeah, but remember – that’s the crowd that actually thinks of Goldstein as a humorist, of all things. Bright bulbs they ain’t.

And Bradrocket’s right – it was freakin’ hilarious, though so was the “talk to the invisible hand” comment right after yours.

This guy really thinks that progressives should contribute money

The really funny part is that he actually went through the comments section and posted edits, in which he denied he was asking the “moonbats” to give him money.

Gridlock, I don\’t know about how well I handled the commenters at Protein Wisdom.

Elendil- Extremely well in my estimation, you revealed their \”OMG go tell it to CHINA they torture, like, a bizallion times more than we do!!!1!\” arguments for what they were, empty deflections.

My sincerest respect to you for sticking it out and trying to demonstrate the absurdity of their positions for so long, I would have just given up and called them all assholes.

What\’s with this fundraising shit anyway, the guy\’s got no job, thousands of dollars in the bank and he\’s asking people like me for money (after taking a swipe at people like me with the hand that isn\’t holding his begging hat)?
For what? So he can continue to argue for more death and hamfisted \”shock and awe\” destruction from the comfort of his new house where he gets to stay home all day with his son? I know people that would kill to be able to be at home with their kid(s) if only they could afford it. I\’ll help *them* out before that asshole sees a dime from me.

$43 will buy a lot of paste, you know.

Goldstein’s Plan:
Step 1: Passive-aggressively insult progressives.
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Money!

Shouldn’t step 3 be “Profit”?

Jillian: It’s why I tend to be pretty hyped on the idea of trying to improve the quality of education. If you can deal with the fallacies quicker and easier, you can get down to brass tacks. But it’s a generations-long project, I fear. Ignorance as massive as what we’ve created in ‘Merkuh doesn’t go away overnight.

Before the turn of the century, the “Three R’s” used to stand for Readin’, Writin’, and Rhetoric. As we’re in the age of robber barons and plutocrats, maybe we circled all the way around and we’re back again.

Speaking of which, can you believe Grover Cleveland’s ridiculous excuse? “We are only recording telegraphs of known Spaniards and Tippecanarians!” Indeed!

I would have just given up and called them all assholes.

I am practicing my Buddhism: “progressive and the wingnuts — mere players in a game, my friend, ephemeral as a dream.”

When the well dries up, I’m contemplating signing out with “Vraagh! EAT IT COBAGZ!!1!” I think it would be a nice touch.

I really think the progressive blogosphere missed a great opportunity to raise money for Goldstein’s landlord.

One of our housemates has finally found a place of her own, so our little impromptu homeless shelter is at half-capacity.

Keul! I am so moving in with D. Sidhe! 😉