North By Mideast
Posted on December 14th, 2009 by D. Aristophanes
Shorter Ollie North, Clownhall
Get Serious
- If Obama loves war so much, how come instead of only talking about missiles and tanks, sometimes he says stuff about the economy?
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™
What is this hard-on that old men get when they think about young Americans dying to enrich the bankstahs?
Is he sure it isn’t 92.3%?
“Why wasn’t left-wing commentator Chris Matthews rebuked for saying something that implicitly supports my point?”
Also, The Vacation President.
Well, if I may quote Sun Tzu; “The art of war is of vital importance to the state. It is a matter of life and death, a road either to safety or to ruin. Therefore, it is a subject that must be seriously studied.”
That seems familiar…
Definition of hubris: Oliver North thinking that anyone cares what Oliver North thinks.
See what happens when you let criminals walk around free? They think they can do and say whatever they want.
Oh hai famous war criminal, nice to know you’re still getting paid for your opinions as opposed to rotting in federal penitentiary or something. Shorter needs to be in ALL CAPS THOUGH. WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS TO THE FORE!!!
If Obama loves his country, why won’t he commit treason like I did?
Isn’t he dead yet? Gawd, he’s wasting everyone’s time.
I love the right wing. Only they could hire as a spokesman a traitor to his country who ran weapons to a declared “terrorist government,” then used the profits to finance another terrorist group in Central America, then still call themselves “patriotic.”
If Carter and Obama are “traitors” and “collaborators” for not being “tough enough” on Iran, what exactly do we call a guy who actually armed them? For that matter, why isn’t a guy who financed terrorism in Gitmo right this minute saving a seat for Osama Bin Laden?
A Republican perjurer is a very worthy source of reliable information. Swear to god. No kiddin. Honest Injun. On my mother’s grave.
Brilliant military strategist Oliver North, with demonstrated experience in paying off a variety of third world thugs.
If Carter and Obama are “traitors” and “collaborators” for not being “tough enough” on Iran, what exactly do we call a guy who actually armed them?
An entrepreneur.
Ollie Ollie, I have a plan you see!
Gonna get me the Presidency!
If Carter and Obama are “traitors” and “collaborators” for not being “tough enough” on Iran, what exactly do we call a guy who actually armed them?
An entrepreneur.
Or, Secretary of Defense in a future GOP administration.
Last night on ABC, Oprah had a show about Christmas at the White House.
President Obama spent 92% more time talking about the holidays than he did jumping out from behind the sofa wearing a military helmet and tackling Oprah.
Did North ever see military action?
President Obama spent 92% more time talking about the holidays than he did jumping out from behind the sofa wearing a military helmet and tackling Oprah.
Does that mean he’s for or against the War on Christmas?
Does that mean he’s for or against the War on Christmas?
As I understand it, he’s for a gradual withdrawal from the War on Christmas, but he’s sending 30,000 more troops into the War on Oprah.
he’s sending 30,000 more troops into the War on Oprah
But, but, but, she’s retiring in 2011!
If those who fight the war are important, why was there no rebuke for Chris Matthews, the left-wing commentator who described Eisenhower Hall at West Point as “the enemy camp”?
I dunno, shortcake. Maybe it’s because everyone but you already knows that Chrissy is a loud-mouthed buffoon and pays no attention to what he says? Or perhaps it’s because Matthews’ comment was a slam against Obama and not “tha troops”? Funny how the tough military men who are fetishized by you and your right wing pals are such delicate flowers that you assume a few stupid words – from a stupid guy – not even directed at them will make them cry. Good thing they’ve got a tough guy like you to stick up for them.
Ah, Oliver North, another conservative icon known, like G. Gordon Liddy, not just for participating in a corrupt enterprise but for spectacularly fucking it up. But he’s got that chestful of medals, so he’s some sort of elder warlord or something. Right.
Why o why did I not trust the shorter?
Apparently Ollie is not much of a multitasker. The idea that Obama could actually handle several different foriegn and domestic agendas at once seems beyond his abilty to grasp. This, of course, is in comparison to Bush, who couldn’t chew and watch TV at the same time.
Why is this asshat not rotting in a federal prison for the rest of his miserable life?
(Yes that was a rhetorical question)
Who is “Chris Matthews, the left-wing commentator?”
I know Chris Matthews, the idiot, but this other guy I never heard of.
I believe Ollie was in Nam. I have heard a rumor only that he would not go on night patrol because of friendly fire, he was not well liked.
Goddamn Batman, your sig line cracked me up, as they often do.
If there was any justice in the world Ollie “death squads” North would be rotting in a Nicaraguan jail for the rest of his miserable life.
There was. Various West Point cadets wrote Matthews to disagree, various politicians and liberal think tanks complained, and Matthews — who is only ‘left wing’ compared to, say, Glenn Blecch — apologized on his show.
That clearly wasn’t rebukey enough. Clearly, North was seeking some sort of blood atonement or firstborn sacrifice.
Clearly. Also.
Apparently Ollie is not much of a multitasker.
Actually he’s not much of a unitasker either – wanting his good buddy Noriega to help put the kibosh on the Sandinistas once he could “get his public image cleaned up” wasn’t exactly genius, & neither was his “neat idea” of arms for dope for arms for no hostages for dope for hostages for arms for TruckNutz for McCain tote-bags for … well, you get the idea.
I noticed that he stopped prancing around in uniform once some Marines suggested that it would be both a pleasure & a duty to fuck his shit up with extreme prejudice for having the arrogance to pollute it with his treasonous hide. Even a bucktoothed pinhead like him had enough brains to know they weren’t screwing around – I don’t know if he ever appeared in public in war-drag again once he got the hint.
Sometimes you gotta hand it to the wingnuts. When Bush II was the president, it was “How dare you criticize our War President in time of War? That’s…why, that’s treason is what that is, since you are giving aid and comfort to the enemy!”
Now, of course, for the handful of them who can remember past last Tuesday, this all poses a problem, because President NotRepublican is sitting in the White House, acting like a NotRepublican (and being Black at the same time!). Obviously, they think to themselves, we have to criticize President NotRepublican, but how can we do that without committing treason ourselves? Ollie provides the answer. America is still at War, but President NotRepublican is not a War President, so it is OK to criticize him. Actually, it’s probably your patriotic duty to criticize him, so he’ll step aside for that nice Sarah Palin.
Watching them live inside their little bubble would be funny if the bubble weren’t so well armed.
noticed that he stopped prancing around in uniform once some Marines suggested that it would be both a pleasure & a duty to fuck his shit up with extreme prejudice for having the arrogance to pollute it with his treasonous hide. Even a bucktoothed pinhead like him had enough brains to know they weren’t screwing around – I don’t know if he ever appeared in public in war-drag again once he got the hint.
I’ve never heard this story, but it warms my heart. Can you link to more details?
Ah yes, Chemical Ollie. I remember he was featured in some kind of deck of cards or something to do with terrorists and such. I thought we’d got him all arrested and convicted and done with. How’d he get away? Maybe Obama is too soft on these terrorist types after all.
Books from 500 BC are a great argument for today’s politics.
Dec 11, 2009: Oliver North, shits and falls back in it.
Just think, if justice had been served, he might be just getting out of prison now.
*channels Mimi*
Ollie North’s out of PRISON?!?
Wow, that Vulcan proverb was true–only a Republican can commit treason (and get away with it).
Advice from Sun Tzu:
“There has never been a protracted war from which a country has benefited.”
Also. Such as.
To Jim;
“I noticed that he stopped prancing around in uniform once some Marines suggested that it would be both a pleasure & a duty to fuck his shit up with extreme prejudice for having the arrogance to pollute it with his treasonous hide. Even a bucktoothed pinhead like him had enough brains to know they weren’t screwing around – I don’t know if he ever appeared in public in war-drag again once he got the hint.”
I second Lurking Canadian, do you remember where you read this? It’s music to my ears as well that some Marines finally stood up to him.
Where in the Art of War did Sun Tzu advise using lying?
more details?
Not so much, beyond seeing a Marine on TeeVee around the time the Contragate trial wound up, intimating that “Colonel” North had no right to call himself a Marine after fundamentally dishonoring his oath – & subtly implying that he & more than a few of his fellow gyrenes were itching to offer Ollie some impromptu dental-work (or perhaps gender-reassignment sans anaesthetic) if he didn’t dummy up ASAP… after which he suddenly started looking very civilian all of a sudden.
A real American zero.
Watching them live inside their little bubble would be funny if the bubble weren’t so well armed.
The foaming yeoman legions march to battle, armed to the dentures with weaponized stupidity.
The fact is, the Hon. Col. Oliver North has more integrity, bravery, and class in his little finger than all your libs have in your pudgy, granola-filled bodies. Suck it.
“Where in the Art of War did Sun Tzu advise using lying?”
In the same chapter where I laid out how semantic details, ie–Freedom Fighter vs. Terrorist, gives one the right to subvert the lawmaking body of a nation and provide an excellent excuse for “creative” war funding. The chapter is called “The Zen Art of Public Deception”
Sounds like he should take antibiotics for that.
Ohhh, gawd, why did I have to discover that Camille Paglia is back to posting on Salon? She’s got more nuts than a Friendly’s sundae and wears a taller kook hat than Pastor Swank. Oy, my head!
Hon. Col. Oliver North has more integrity, bravery, and class in his little finger
In fairness, it’s a REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY small finger.
To those who wish North was rotting in prison – you’re wrong.
He should have been executed.
I’m not a fan of capital punishment, but that’s the standard for treason.
His name should never be mentioned without following the word “traitor” or at the very least “convicted felon.”
Actually he’s not much of a unitasker either – wanting his good buddy Noriega to help put the kibosh on the Sandinistas once he could “get his public image cleaned up” wasn’t exactly genius, & neither was his “neat idea” of arms for dope for arms for no hostages for dope for hostages for arms for TruckNutz for McCain tote-bags for … well, you get the idea.
You forgot about all his bad ideas in Afghanistan as well. If there’s one thing worse than evil, it’s incompetant evil. This country got all the negative outcomes of Ollie’s plans, without the supossed benefits.
To those wishing he would still be rotting in prison: Ollie got a get-out-of-jail-free card from Bush I.
I’m pretty sure he’ll eventually be punished with a Medal of Freedom like those other guys.
Shorter Camille Paglia for the last year and a half:
Colonel David Hackworth didn’t think much of Ollie:
http://www.airborne-ranger.com/ranger/wannabees/OllieNorth.html
I was glad to be reminded by Hackworth about Ollie’s adventures that led to a three-week stay in the psych-ward when he went bonkers while serving in Okinawa:
Between 1969 and 1974 he spent most of his time in offices and classrooms and on training assignments. In late 1974 he again took charge of troops when he became a company commander, as a captain, on Okinawa. Just 29 days into the assignment, North–described to me by a follow officer who saw him at the time as an “emotional wreck”–surrendered his command.
He returned to the U.S., where he spent as much as three weeks at Bethesda Naval Hospital for some deep-shrinking by psychiatrists. The episode is shrouded in mystery. North himself is vague about it in Under Fire, his autobiography published reports that parts of his medical record were expunged. Meanwhile, there have been published reports (which North never legally challenged) that provide details about the apparent nervous breakdown. In one account he ran around naked, babbling incoherently and waving a .45 pistol.
I asked him about his emotional problems on the radio and he did not want to talk about them.
Gee, there’s a surprise.
The fact is, the Hon. Col. Oliver North has more integrity, bravery, and class in his little finger than all your libs have in your pudgy, granola-filled bodies. Suck it.
You know, I don’t see JanusWingNut measuring up to this kind of standard. You just don’t get this level of craftsmanship from automation.
Pshaw! Early days!
if you get to that point, Substance, you have to hook it up to the name Generator…..
if it auto-refreshes the name every three to four hours, it will be indistinguishable from troofuz.
Also, if you could have it recognize responses somehow, then after a certain number, it would go into “LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL” shutdown mode….
I laughed, I cried.
In other news, FYWP.
Also, if you could have it recognize responses somehow, then after a certain number, it would go into “LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL” shutdown mode….
Ah. The Turing Test writ LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLarge.
Ah, conservatives. People who called John Kerry traitorous and un-American back in 2004 because, well, just because. Meanwhile, they let this piece of dogshit walk free.
God, somedays I’d just like to track down every neocon and neocon-enabler on the face of this stinking planet and pull their balls off with an old pair of pliers. Burn in hell, North, right next to the terrorists you weaponized.
In the future I’d appreciate if you referred to him using his full title, viz, “Lieutenant Colonel, Terrorist Supporter, and Lying Criminal Oliver North”.
The fact is, the Hon. Col. Oliver North has more integrity, bravery, and class in his little finger than all your libs have in your pudgy, granola-filled bodies. Suck it.
Get back to me on that when you have as much combat time in your logbook as I do.
So Frank Burns’ breakdown was based on Ollie, that’s good to know.
I want to trust the shorter. I really do, but . . . .
The fact is, the Hon. Col. Oliver North has more integrity, bravery, and class in his little finger than all your libs have in your pudgy, granola-filled bodies. Suck it.
Unless you count all that dope he helped move and his friends who murdered some nuns!