Van Ripper. Marine General Paul Van Ripper.

You can’t beat that. His name alone could kick your ass.

Van Riper also retired in 1997, and really doesn’t have a grasp of the facts to make an intelligent decision on Rumsfeld.

But, he’s doing what his leftist friends like Zinni want him to do.

You can’t beat that. His name alone could kick your ass.

But he’s never single-handedly taken down an entire Klingon star fleet, has he? Clearly, the fact that The Left has given no thought to the oncoming Klingon menace shows how deeply unserious they are about protecting America.

But, he’s doing what his leftist friends like Zinni want him to do.

Yes. He is clearly a senile old leftist who would rather be smoking dope and nabbing poon than defeating terrorism. The fact is the left has infiltrated the highest levels of the military and is working through Clinton-appointed coward pseudo-generals to sap the morale from our troops and pave the way for Shar’ia law.

(Sorry, guys, but I’ve decided to join Gary as a faux-right-wing troll on my own blog… it’s just too much fun to give up!)

I’m sorry, Gary, best if you stay out of this thread. “Ruppert,” next to “Van Ripper,” is just impossibly wussy. The juxtaposition makes you look bad.

Go back to the previous thread and stand next to Dafyydd for a while. Trust me, it’ll make you look a lot better.

I’m sorry, Gary, best if you stay out of this thread. “Ruppert,” next to “Van Ripper,” is just impossibly wussy. The juxtaposition makes you look bad.

The fact is that military experience doesn’t qualify you to make military decisions. Our Army would be run more efficiently by overweight Cheetos-stained philosopher kings.

Our Army would be run more efficiently by overweight Cheetos-stained philosopher kings.

Sold me, Brad.

I’m just trying to picture Daffy astride a horse, wielding his sandwich against the Muslim infidel. Saladin himself would tremble.

The Fact Is I would pay a goodly amount of Federation Money to get a picture of Gary. Somehow, I have a feeling Daffy could beat him like a red-headed stepchild…

mikey

Having played Civilization II on the computer, I know a thing or two about warfare, military strategy, and building Sun Tzu’s War Academy.

I have to agree with Mr. Ddaaeffyyydddd1 al Hewgh, these Klintoon appointed ex-Generals are clueless to the finer points of the genius of the Rumsfeldican Gambit.

As soon as U.S. spacecraft develop warp drive and photon torpedoes, we will crush the Islamonazifacistcommunistas once and for all.

But, he’s doing what his leftist friends like Zinni want him to do.

Yes, that hotbed of liberal, leftist thought … the United States military.

What fucking planet do you live on, you stupid sack of shit?

Jefe – Having beaten my Mom at several rounds of Stratego in my youth, I think I speak with a fair degree of authority when I say that those Clintonista “generals” are useless. Give me 5 Miners and 8 Scouts, and I will give you victory against the Islamofascist hordes.

Actually, I’m not so sure that Photon Torpedoes would be enough. Arabobarbarianism is particularly resillient. I think we would need to hit them with a few Quantum Torpedoes as well, just to be sure.

Jefe and Brooklyn — as a recent purchaser of the game Star Wars: Empire at War, I believe the best way to destroy the Islamomarxists would be to send two Victory-class Star Destroyers, complete with TIE fighter escort, to soften the defenses, then land several groups of Stormtroopers. But unfortunately you can only land five units before you have to take over another reinforcement point. Unless you’re on Endor, then you can land 10.

Hey, will those “Star Destroyers” work on Brittny and Kevin? ‘Cause that would be a good thing…

mikey

References to Mom and Stratego playing? Now this is some serious war-gaming.

I’m out of my league, obviously. I’ll just be back here strategising on how to keep the supply lines maintained with sufficient quantities of Gorditos and Mountain Dew.

I’ve spent innumerable hours playing Battleship (the real one with the holes and stuff). I believe that makes me uberqualified to be “The Decider”.

I also believe that reveals a bit more about my age than necessary. Anything for the security of the homeland!

A “Star Destroyer” would not work on Kevin. For that, we need a “Throughly Untalented Loser Destroyer.”

I thought of that, but I was hoping he could be collateral dammit….

mikey

Having just purchased the “Command and Conquer: First decade” party pack of like 17 bloody c&c games, I can, with absolute certainty, tell you all that all we need to keep the invading muscomfascist hordes at bay is a collection of tesla coils deployed at a distance of no more than 2 squares from each other, running along the entire periphery of the country. A few SAM sites may be necessary as well, but other than that we can phase out pretty much the entire military, concentrating on processing the valuable Tiberium that will sustain our beautiful new society.

I’ve spent innumerable hours playing Battleship (the real one with the holes and everything). I believe that makes me uberqualified to be “The Decider”.

I also believe that fact reveals a bit more about my age than necessary….but anything for the security of the Homeland!

So Gary, do you fill out your “Reagan Revolucion” shirt as doughily as Da5ydd does? I need to know, because if Reagan’s face isn’t distended like silly-putty stretched to its very limit, I’ll have to conclude you are unserious.

oops. sorry for the double post. obviously not qualified to post.

Ripper, Reeh-pEHr, Ruppert.

Dafyydd ab Hugh is the only Starfleet Commander ever to win at the Kobayashi Maru scenario!

Speaking as a man who has played three or four rounds of the card game “War” and having recently heard the song “War” on the radio, I feel that I am the only one on this comments thread qualified to comment.

And I say, if you want to get rid of this war, we just use some Dr. Scholl’s Wart Remover patches, with the “t” scratched out.

I dropped a tab of acid this morning…not only am I supremely qualified to be a tactitician in the practice of modern, hi-tech warfare of the type this clash of civilisations requires, I’m fighting several actual battles as we speak.

…the light show from the laser cannons is particularly awesome.

Having driven by Fort Dix on the way to the Jersey Shore on several occasions while saluting with both hands and steering with my knees I feel I am eminently qualified to defend America and what not.

having recently heard the song “War” on the radio …

What is it good for?

America is too big and has too much baggage for me to defend, but I think I could run a successful cartel in some small third world country.

Smuggling Autographed Hairbrushes?

mikey

America is too big and has too much baggage for me to defend, but I think I could run a successful cartel in some small third world country.

Annie- you should start your own sectarian Christian militia in Canada. That’d rock.

I was thinking more along the lines of somewhere in Central America. I could go deep into the interior, find an isolated villiage and gives shoes to the children and start a school, build a church, etc. Then I’d start a big plantation and start running guns.

I’d run the whole thing using only women in positions of power and I’ll do it like a pyramid scheme where instead of putting in money, you put in time. 6 months and out with a load of cash.

Yep. That would kick ASS.

I hope everyone’s checked out America’s Greatest Military Mind’s web site. He take the new wingnut meme of “no secret prisons, it was all a trap!” and runs with it. If Porter Goss denies it’s a trap? OF COURSE HE WOULD, he has to or it wouldn’t work! And if other CIA agents confirm there are prisons? OF COURSE THEY DO, they’ve been fooled by the trap set-up! Jesus, it all makes sense now!

Annie- you should start your own sectarian Christian militia in Canada. That’d rock.

She already has. It’s called the Oshawa Knights of Columbus.

Gavin — nice add with the lightsaber.

Oh, man…..that second picture is a thing of beauty. I’m going to break out my Yoda furbie so we can both enjoy that as my new desktop wallpaper.

Van Riper was also the guy who completely owned the US military in the Millennium Challenge, a gigantic war game the military used to plan for Iraq. After Van Riper made them look the fool, they threw out all their old plans and adapted to the realities of the modern battlefield.

…oh, my mistake, they threw out the results of Millennium Challenge. Then they re-ran the simulation under more favorable conditions, and of course dominated as though — to use a comparison Dafyydd ab Hugh would appreciated — they’d simply started a new game and typed IDDQD.

tigrismus — Just took a minute to peruse Admiral Nimitz …er, Daffy el Hewitt’s screed on how the secret prisons were a “canary trap.” I am now dumber for having read it.

“faux-Welshman” makes me love our language so fiercely that I want to weep like Adam Yoshida masturbating to Reagan funeral videos.

Jeff, read it a couple more times and you won’t remember you were ever intelligent. Then YOU will be the most qualified on the blog to speak on all matters military, second nationwide only to Commander Taco.

tigris — Working on reading No. 3 right now. Then I challenge thee to a game of Risk. If I can take Kamchatka, my dominance of Asia will be complete and I will get 8 extra armies next turn.

I think all of our governmental decisions should be made this way from now on.

In fact, I hereby challenge Ben Bernanke to a game of Monopoly. Winner will henceforth take the title of Federal Reserve Chairman.

And none of that commie crap about landing on Free Parking and getting all the fine money, either. We’re gonna play it old school!

I challenge all to a game of Candy Land … winner gets to head up the FDA.

And if this guy can’t beat me at Operation, then I get the spiffy hat and epaulets, baby!!!

Dang….that would be this guy.

Obviously, I don’t get to be Chief Information Officer.

I am the mistress of Hi Ho! Cherry-O, and I pit myself against Mike Johanns for head of the USDA. Eat crow, Mr Johanns, I will dog you and I will stem your accession.

I will play Tom DeLay in a game of Mouse Trap, although I’m sure the former exterminator would win handily.

America is too big and has too much baggage for me to defend…

As a veteran of many Fortress America campaigns, I feel eminently qualified to pick up annieangel’s slack.

Unless we are defending America from a large dog sliding across the linoleum. That gambit gets me every time.

Under this new model of government, we’ll save money, too!

For example, with Scott McClellan gone, why not consider replacing him with a See ‘n Say? Think of how efficient it woulc be!

“I can not comment on an ongoing investigation.”

“The President stands by his decision.”

“The President stands by his staff.”

“This staffer has chosen to spend more time with his family.”

The fact is the creators of these board games are radical leftists who are trying to distract the American people so our enemies can take over, ban our Bible and give all of our women abortions.

…and give all of our women abortions.

Especially the lesbians.

They’re lining up for abortions like you get free Indigo Girls tickets with each one!

By Gawd, Jeff Ruppert’s right. By merely using the Pop-O-Matic in a Game of Trouble, you can Catch Teh Gay…

mikey

As a former, veteran player of Warhammer 40K, I feel I am more than capable of taking on the Bedouinauthorinazicommusheiks. We need only deploy two squads of Assault Space Marines supported by Dreadnoughts with Assault Cannon and a Land Raider-equipped Terminator squad. The battle will end in 4 turns when we engage the Enemy in melee combat and they fail their morale checks, causing them to leave the table – er – battlefield immediately.

Jillian – I totally second the See n’ Say, as long as there is one random cow sound. Just in case Bush forgets what the cow says.

BTW, this thread is cracking me up. Plus, as a level 60 Tauren warrior, I shall pwn the Islamowhateverthenewinsultingcatchalltermisnows.

They’re lining up for abortions like you get free Indigo Girls tickets with each one!

Hey, Al–RIIIIGHT!! Can I get one o’those abortion thingies too? I TOTALLY love the Indigo Girls. I have this longstanding weakness for the Banjo…

mikey

Lucky for us, the 101st Fighting Keyboardists are all equipped with +6 Islamofighting Blogs. Each time they click publish with the mouse, they get to roll 2D6 plus they get yet another bonus +6 each time they call the media or the democrats terrorist sympathisers.

For some strange reason, although the Islamocomunazifascistiviekbrownpeople only get to roll 1D4, at least in the Wingnutt Guide to Warfare as a Game, they still can’t manage to defeat them. I think it’s either the media or the Democrats.

Ronnie is a chocodile away from looking like the Kool-Aid man on that shirt. Sort of appropriate actually.

http://www.heinleinsociety.org/…

Far left (snicker) facing the camera. Another flattering picture of our fearless warrior-poet at a meeting of the Heinlein Society. Apparently he’s a Starship Trooper as well.

If you guys don’t push the boardgame gov’t meme, the internet will be a forlorn place.

I’m sure that SadlyNo will soon brag over the latest slanted poll bashing Bush

Ahhh, the preznit isn’t unpopular…It’s the POLLS that are slanted. Thanks for that Gary. What a hoot!!

mikey

I’m sure that SadlyNo will soon brag over the latest slanted poll bashing Bush

Hey, did you guys see that Bush is at 32 percent in the latest poll? But the fact is it’s slanted so obviously it means nothing … 80-90 percent of the nation is still enamored with Dear Leader. The rest of you are just radical leftists.

That’s IT, Gary. We duel at Dawn. Choose your weapon, sir:

Candyland

Chutes and Ladders

Monopoly

Hungry Hungry Hippos

My Second, Bradrocket, awaits your response!!

mikey

I’m with Gary, the poll is obviously slanted. The question asked should be Are you a traitor? and the responses should be 99.5%, No I love the Great Decider and 0.5% Yes I am a liberal.

Any other result is just an example of how the MSM manufactures the “news.”

Why is it that Gary hardly ever actually participates in a discussion? He just likes to drop these little stink bombs (usually at the beginning of a thread), then disappear. Could this have something to do with that little narcissism issue we discussed earlier?

As a longtime player of the “Total War” series of games, the obvious solution of the Muslamofascististas is to invade Syria- with at least six units of spear infantry, four men at arms units, six units of various knights, plus as many Knights Templar or Hospitallers as the “Crusade” feature will give you.
Of course, as a student of actual history, I can safely say that if one actually wants to “win” (dodgy term, but what the Hell…), then progressivly invading more of the Middle East with limited and spent forces and a massive budget deficit is not the way to go.

GG, I think your studies in history are wrong. Right now, I’ve built a couple of nukes and am preparing to use them on Persepolis. Don’t worry, I’ve got a couple of worker units on standbye to handle all the fallout problems. I know My army is sorta bogged down fighting all those barbarians in Babylon, BUT the thing is, all I need is just a couple of units to occupy Persepolis and a few other cities and the war is won.

Of course, as a student of actual history…

Huh? Wha? Where’s that option…ak-ch-ual hiss-tery? Is that in the game set-up menu or is it a cheat?

So, I used to love playing this one game on my Commodore 64. I think it might have been called “Secret Agent.” All I remember is going into various rooms and a voice declared (in a lo-fi Gert Frobe voice), “Destroy Him My Robots!” And then you had to jump around and get something or other (it might have been puzzle pieces, I can’t really remember) and solve a puzzle (or do something else if it wasn’t puzzle pieces you collected).

So, I figure I can head up the CIA. I’m more qualified than Brownie was to head up FEMA.

I refuse to take Gary seriously until he posts a picture of himself in a “Reagan Revolucion” t-shirt. I also expect to be told his favorite Smurf and how much wood a woochuck could chuck.

The fact is Smurfs hate America and, along with the media, are the reason people think we’re losing to Gargamel … er, in Iraq.

Pretending to be Gary’s brother is fun!

Huh? Wha? Where’s that option…ak-ch-ual hiss-tery? Is that in the game set-up menu or is it a cheat?

Generally, a cheat, though it requires a lot of fiddling with the system and there are a shitload of expensive books you have to buy in order to actually figure out how to get it.

Is annieangel going to have her gun-runing Christian Central American women’s cooperative market their traditional artesanal needlework items as well as AK-47’s? Cause I’d totally go for that! Some pleasant blouses with colorfully embroidered tanks and machine guns on them, I’m thinking.

Don’t forget the little burlap Annie dolls holding little wooden machine guns. And chicklets. Lots of chicklets.

All I remember is going into various rooms and a voice declared (in a lo-fi Gert Frobe voice), “Destroy Him My Robots!” And then you had to jump around and get something or other (it might have been puzzle pieces, I can’t really remember) and solve a puzzle (or do something else if it wasn’t puzzle pieces you collected).

Strangely, I hear this is exactly what happens when a liberal walks into a Republican Party meeting by accident.

Seriously, if you like the Star Wars flicks and strategy computer games, check out Empire at War. It is pretty sweet.

I’ve got the demo, and it kicks ass. ‘Course, I’m a dirt poor college student, and Rise of Legends takes precedence, I’m afraid. When next I get fifty bucks, though- I’ll be on that like shit on velcro!

I’ve never seen velcro on shit, or vice versa.

I’m sure Daffyd has.

After he ate his parka.

It’s the gaping, slack-jawed expression of. “Duh!” on Daffy al Huge’s face that kills me. You can practically hear the gears turning in his clockwork brain!

Having boinked with some guys from Great Lakes Naval Training Center, and not told… um, until now, I feel that it is I who am the most qualified to run the military! First, we re-design those awful uniforms….

Brig. Gen. Jack D. Ripper:

You know when fluoridation first began? Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It’s incredibly obvious, isn’t it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That’s the way your hard-core Commie works.

Sorry. Had to.

“We are the Blog. Resistance is futile.”

All I remember is going into various rooms and a voice declared (in a lo-fi Gert Frobe voice), “Destroy Him My Robots!” And then you had to jump around and get something or other (it might have been puzzle pieces, I can’t really remember) and solve a puzzle (or do something else if it wasn’t puzzle pieces you collected).

That would be the Impossible Mission series, most like Impossible Mission II.

So, does this mean my RTS and MMoRPGs skills are good for something besides procrastinatiing on my thesis and not getting laid?

Which MMO, Socratic?

Satisfaction has been demanded, Gary, what say you? mikey awaits. I think you should choose Battleship!

I totally heart annie BTW, if she is settling in to be a good community member, I forgive everything. I want to see her take out Cobag City using the King Rolo gun.

Yes, good man! One day we will control- wait for it- THE WORLD!!11!1!!

I’ll never forgive you assholes. Cept maybe Pinko.

What, a bunch of tabletop wargaming jokes and no mention of Advanced Squad Leader? I’m disappointed.

Pinko, if you do not stop encouraging that twit, I am going to send the hordes of Phlegm Monsters to overtake you again.

An ego that frantic for feeding is a disgusting thing to see (that is, hers not yours).

We will be thankful to have someone like Daffyd running CENTCOM when Hugo Chavez launches his Vogon battle cruisers to prevent the Second Coming, by shooting down Jesus before he can enter the atmosphere.

after you take kamchatka, you also need alaska. it defends kamchatka’s flank and denies north america to your enemy.
damn, i am qualified to run the army now. yoohoo.
you also take the northernmost part of australia.

I will secretely replace Pinko Punko’s corndogs with tofu-corndogs and not tell him.

And then I will giggle each time he eats one, but never tell him why.

The NY Times has published an account of Mary McCarthy’s self-defense that includes Rush Limbaugh as a primary source in the rebuttal of her defense.

Since when did Rush Limbaugh become a credible expert on national security investigations, let alone one deserving of recognition in the paper of record?

Unfortunately, this is the second time in the last month the Times has used Rush as a primary source in an article that defends Bush and the Republicans.

The Times has officially become a joke.

What is it about Trekkies that brings out the rightie idiots? Lest we forget, one of the inventors of the “Star Trek Convention” was future Wall Street Journal liar John Fund. Qa’pla!

Bill Shatner was right. Trekkie wingnuts, get a life…

Dafyydd ab Hugh reminds me of my Step-granduncle (my paternal grandfather remarried…she is from Quebec), a guy with all the social skills of a leper.

“Van Riper also retired in 1997, and really doesn’t have a grasp of the facts to make an intelligent decision on Rumsfeld.”

Care to post your DD214 Gary?

Thought so…

Whoa…someone should fix the inertial dampeners on ol Hugh’s bra

As an undefeated former player of Axis and Allies, aka The Board Game of 10,000 Pieces, I declare that tanks are the most cost-effective means of ground-based conquest. Don’t waste your money on soldiers, just use tanks.

And, if you undertake an aerial campaign, always try to fudge on how many zones you can fly across in one turn without running out gas. Then you need fewer carriers.

Finally, you can decide to be the Allies and let the Islamofascistas be the Axis, and get three turns to their two. Clearly, you can only defeat al-Qaeda by capturing both Japan AND Germany.

1. Having years of experience under my belt at SimCity and SimEarth, I feel uniquely qualified to serve as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development. Alphonso Jackson, you’re going down.

2. I ran three miles this morning. I ran three miles yesterday, I ran a total of 18 miles last week, and I listened to “I Ran” in the car on Sunday – twice.

If I’m not made a foreign policy advisor, I’m calling the New York Law Firm.

COMIC BOOK GUY!!! Right?

Sadly most of the qualifications here seem to me to read like a viable resume to become a part of the bush admistration.