2010: An Erick Erickson Odyssey
I have seen the future, my friends, and it is hilarious.
Last night I was struck by a prophetic dream in which RedState doofus and Macon city councilor Erick Erickson has succeeded in his quest to save his town from the scourge of its police department. Join with me, friends, as we gaze into the crystal ball…
- From the Macon Telegraph, January 23, 2010:
Erickson dissolves Macon police department
City councilor Erick Erickson today declared that his successful bid to abolish the police department in Macon was a triumph for free-market capitalism and for freedom-loving Tea Party patriots everywhere.
“Ridding our fair city of this pestilence will bring in a new era of freedom that will serve as a model for the rest of American to follow!” bellowed Erickson, who was dressed in his customary powdered wig and triangle hat. “Eliminating the police department is just the start of my bold agenda to downsize government in Macon. Memo to the firefighters: your asses are next!”
When asked who would be responsible for arresting and detaining criminals in Macon now that the city had no organized police force, Erickson blinked his eyes for five seconds before muttering, “What?”
- From the Macon Telegraph, January 30, 2010:
Crime in Macon spikes by 2 trillion percent
City councilor Erick Erickson pleaded for calm in the city today even as new data showed that crime in the city has risen by 2 trillion percent since he decided to dissolve the police department last week.
“Freedom is messy,” said Erickson, whose powdered wig looked somewhat unkempt. “But golly gosh, it’s only been a week! Before some of you negative nellies in the press start attacking me, let’s give the program more of a chance. Golly! Goodness gracious me!”
At this point, Erickson’s press conference was cut off as a pack of gangsters stormed city hall and held up all the reporters at gunpoint. Erickson was hurriedly escorted off the premises by his bodyguards.
“We absolutely love this Erickson character,” said Rocco “Skinny Legs” Mancini, one of the gangsters at the stick-up. “Ever since he abolished the police department, it has created a wonderful free-enterprise zone where we may conduct our wholly legitimate business without interference.”
Mancini said that he and his family — who had moved in from New Jersey just days after hearing of Erickson’s decision to disband the police — had formed ErickPAC, a political action committee dedicated to making Erickson a city councilor for the next five thousand years.
- From the Macon Telegraph, February 17, 2010:
Erickson hires Blackwater to protect Macon
After enduring months of looting, pillaging, mass murder and general lawlessness, Macon may finally be getting a police force… of sorts.
City councilor Erick Erickson today announced that he had hired the private security firm Blackwater to protect Macon’s terrified populace.
“The long town-wide nightmare that I created is now over!” boomed Erickson, who stood at the podium surrounded by Blackwater employees equipped with fully automatic weapons. “Through the miracle of the free market, I have given Blackwater a no-bid contract to protect the citizens of Macon from crime for more money than it would have cost us to pay our own ungrateful, union-loving police department. Behold the wonders of capitalism at work!”
- From the Macon Telegraph, March 23, 2010:
Crime down, but civilian massacres rise
Although private security firm Blackwater has successfully driven down crime rates during its first month as Macon’s free-enterprise police department, it has also led to a shocking 400% increase in civilian massacres.
The latest high-profile massacre came last week, when Blackwater security forces stormed into a Macon church and began opening fire, sparking a massacre that left 23 dead and dozens more wounded. The church, whose attendees were predominantly black, has accused the firm of overt racism.
“They barged into our church and demanded to know where we were hiding drugs,” said the Rev. Michael Devine, the church’s pastor. “When we told them that our only drug was the love of Jesus, they opened fire. No way this woulda happened if we were a white church.”
A Blackwater spokesman disputed Devine’s accusations of racism, however.
“I mean, come on,” he explained. “The word ‘black’ is part of our name. Would we really called ourselves ‘Blackwater’ if we hated black people?”
City councilor Erick Erickson defended Blackwater’s actions and said that any complaints about civilian massacres were solely the creation of the media.
“What is it with you people?” shouted Erickson at reporters. “First you bitch about the rampant crime and the fact that Skinny Legs keeps leaving horse heads on your lawns. Then you bitch about some so-called ‘massacres’ of ‘civilians.’ Hello?! Are you people ever satisfied?”
- From the Macon Telegraph, March 30, 2010:
Erickson, Rev. Devine attend White House for beer summit with Obama
President Obama’s latest attempt to soothe racial divisions in America did not go as smoothly as his first attempt.
Obama had hoped to take a page from his actions last summer, when he successfully brought Henry Louis Gates and Sgt. James Crowley down to Washington DC to share a beer. This time, Obama invited Macon pastor Michael Devine and city councilor Erick Erickson over to the White House to iron out their differences over civilian massacres.
But unlike the last event, where both Gates and Crowley had a polite and friendly conversation, this event was marred by controversy as Erickson showed up to the White House wearing full Revolutionary War garb, not just his usual powdered wig and triangle hat. Erickson also refused to shake the president’s hand, preferring instead to slap him in the face with his glove and walk away.
“I bid you good day, sir!” shouted Erickson as he stormed off the White House lawn. “I said, GOOD DAY!”
On his way out, Erickson also threw a tea bag into Michelle Obama’s garden.
Comments working now? Test, test, test…
Why do I see a Batman remake featuring The Joker, but set in Macon?
Ah good. I’d closed them accidentally earlier. Fire away 🙂
If every stupid thing said by a wingnut in the batshit-o-sphere since Obama’s inauguration was summarized on a 2x2inch Post-It note, they would completely cover the Vietnam Memorial and be halfway up the Washington Monument by now.
Well, I for one am all for Erick Erickson’s plan to dissolve the city police force – but then again I am a huge proponent for BURNING SHIT DOWN!
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to see you libs pooh-pooh-ing his ideas. Just goes to show how threatened you feel with the notion of a lawless society rife with crime and morality-free mercenaries patrolling the streets looking for random minorities to shoot. Hello liberals – just like the hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqis – feature not a bug.
What? No role for the Red State Trike Force?
What about mandatory gun ownership and carry? It’s catnip there, right? Sort of DIY policing. Doesn’t that capture the wild west feel they all like so much?
Just pass a law so that all residents 12 and older must carry a gun at all times. It’ll be extra safe and polite and freedomy.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to see you libs pooh-pooh-ing his ideas. Just goes to show how threatened you feel with the notion of a lawless society rife with crime and morality-free mercenaries patrolling the streets looking for random minorities to shoot.
Y’know, when you put it like this, like it’s some kind of video game…I don’t know, I guess we could call it “Doom” or something…it sounds like fun!
Needs a addition to between, where Erickson claims that UN placing Macon on on place 195 in the list of “best places to live” is a liberal hoax, and the fact that people who starved to death because the raging gun battles prevented them from leaving or getting food is only an example of how lowincome people should man up and stop reliyng on goverment aid.
Update from Erickson: He no longer wishes to liquidate the PD because legally, the police union would be pretty powerless. Odd that he didn’t do any research before he threatened to burn his own city down, but he would still rather farm out the police work to the Sheriff because unions “breed inefficiency, corruption, and taint.”
Looking in the comments at Sluggo’s link, we find this beauty:
TRANSLATION: I was for Democracy before I realized I was against it.
If the union gets 51% support on one day, the other 49% are forced to either join against their will or find a new job.
Sigh. So much ignorance about unions. There is no such thing as a closed shop, even in the enlightened states that aren’t Right-to-Work states. No one is forced to join a union.
represented workers are required to pay dues that cover the cost of representing workers.
Looks like Erick’s getting quite a hammering from his commenters, actually.
His taint is getting hammered.
Update from Erickson
Lookee here.
Still calling for dissolving the force and privatizing police duties.
Gee I wonder if City Council bears any responsibility for that?
Okay, he’s reiterating his “fire ’em all to teach them a lesson about unionizing” argument. This is immediately followed by:
Durrr, didn’t you just say that they should all get canned for unionizing? You know, I’m of the opinion that we should kill all shit-eaters* but if Erickson really wants to eat shit
and diewe should just let him.*Actually I’m not for killing shit eaters. Shit eaters are the grinning-est people I know. Really, whatever between consenting adults is okay by me.
Just pass a law so that all residents 12 and older must carry a gun at all times.
You’ll put your eye out kid.
“Looks like Erick’s getting quite a hammering from his commenters, actually.”
Actually, the amazing thing to me is that some of are supporting him. Vociferously, even.
I wonder if ‘Babe’ Hugget will write a
hack piecestunning expose on the what could causes the ‘physical and mental damage’ required for that level of numb-nuttery.I wonder if ‘Babe’ Hugget will write a hack piece stunning expose on the what could causes the ‘physical and mental damage’ required for that level of numb-nuttery.
Perhaps having this done to your head would do it.
Wow- that came out a bit mangled.
Coffee. I really need to get the coffee before I babble online.
“I bid you good day, sir!” shouted Erickson as he stormed off the White House lawn. “I said, GOOD DAY!”
Curse that Erickson and his foul “Good day to you”!
(seriously, totally and incontrovertibly NSFW if you check out any of his other comics)
According to several lawyers I have talked to, unionized police in Georgia do not get the benefits of collective bargaining with the city relating to the terms and benefits of employment. Likewise, they do not get to strike.
Erk probably needs better lawyers.
Why do I see a Batman remake featuring The Joker, but set in Macon?
This is more of a Penguin set-up: the lack of a professional police force requires the introduction of corrupt paramilitaries, controlled by Oswald Cobblepot…
Erk probably needs better lawyers.
Or, possibly, the ability to listen and comprehend.
Erk probably needs better lawyers.
I’ve been waiting to see if one or more of the police political/union organizations in Georgia or elsewhere are going to come stomping in and give Erk (nice, that) a little reality check. Police unions and their related political arms are very experienced playing hard-nosed politics, on both state and local levels. I would assume that the Macon cops are reaching out to their brethren in blue and Erk (still, a good one) may be facing a self-soiling incident in the near future. A guy can dream, can’t he?
This is more of a Penguin set-up:
I was thinking R?’s al Gh?l, but I guess he’s a bit liberal for Eric. Plus, you know- *Arab.*
Damint- that’s supposed to be Ra’s al Ghul. Better get more coffee.
We should probably consider firing them just on principle.
This pasty fuck has an authoritarian streak a fucking mile wide. I’m guessing he had a rough childhood. Parents who name their kid “Erick Erickson” are bound to have issues.
What an excellent way to start the weekend.
Parents who name their kid “Erick Erickson” are bound to have issues.
Or, you know- Vikings.
We’re still being ignored in all this!
And, and. For the most part, conservative (as well as moderate and even liberal) elected officials seek the support and endorsements of local law enforcement as a stamp of approval that carries weight with voters. Meanwhile, being opposed by the cops sends a message to voters that someone running for office is untrustworthy and wants to strangle, rape and behead little boys. When does Erk run for re-election? I suspect he may have a harder time of it going forward (yes, yes, still dreaming).
We’re still being ignored in all this!
Yes, Erk is taking the political stance known as, “Bad cop! No donut!”
Or, you know- Vikings.
That would explain the pseudo-masculine blustering and overly confrontational bullshit. Of course, the fact that he’s a pasty, dweeby fuck who probably had his ass kicked constantly could explain it, too.
By the way, isn’t he the motherfucker who was stopped at the border and was like, “Look at me!!! I’m a redhead! Can you believe they fuckin’ stopped ME???”
Erk (nice, that)
I wish I could claim credit for that, but in Finnish, Eric is spelled “Erkki” and is shortened to “Erk”.
It just seemed such a fit. Too bad his first initial isn’t “J”
Or, you know- Vikings.
That would explain the pseudo-masculine blustering and overly confrontational bullshit.
Of course, Vikings were never as savage and brutal as history makes them out to be–except the warriors sent on expeditions or fara i viking— so the posing is really more about the so-called “descendants” (devolutionaries?) than the heritage.
Why do I see a Batman remake featuring The Joker, but set in Macon?
Flattering, but I was imagining something more along the lines of this.
Just looked at the Macon City Council web site. Poor Erk, there are non-whites on the council! And wimmens! Off to look for some coverage of the council and their doin’s.
Of course, Vikings were never as savage and brutal as history makes them out to be
Oh good lord- next you’ll start trying to convince us all the The War Between the States was about something besides state’s rights and self determination. Revisionist.
That Erickson POOP-ed @ macon.com is astounding. Consider this:
Nice of you to say Erick. I am surprised that you recognize that Unions aren’t de-facto evil and they, at least historically, served the purpose of increasing wages and working conditions for blue collar everyday Joes. Now, why was it again that you were opposed to the Macon PD having a union?
Awesome. Totally fucking awesome. The only thing missing from Erickson’s column is Kenneth Gladney:
BWAAHAhahahAHahaHAHAHahaHAHAHHAHahh!11!!!!one!!1
Prepare for a wingnuttia orgasm. Chicago lost the bid for the 2016 Olympics.
So, a guy did some research in 2008 and listed who was missing Macon City Council meetings. Erk missed a few,apparently.
“But what about Erick Erickson? It appears that he doesn’t feel the need to be bothered with Macon City Council. Don’t these people get paid to run the city’s business affairs? If a member can’t be bothered to attend, just what are we paying for? Last I heard, the pay wasn’t anything to jump through hoops for (about $12,000/yr.), but it’s still a paycheck. I shudder to think that the citizens of Macon might be paying someone to handle their personal business rather than take care of the city’s business as they were elected to do.“
I shudder to think that the citizens of Macon might be paying someone to handle their personal business rather than take care of the city’s business as they were elected to do.
Why, Looch! This suggests that Erk is living on the public dole!
Of course, Vikings were never as savage and brutal as history makes them out to be–except the warriors sent on expeditions or fara i viking– so the posing is really more about the so-called “descendants” (devolutionaries?) than the heritage.
Yeah, that’s kind of what I was getting at. It’s quite sad, actually.
Chicago lost the bid for the 2016 Olympics.
Well good. It’d only fuck up the place (more.)
I’d like to see Rio get it. South America has never hosted the Games.
Prepare for a wingnuttia orgasm. Chicago lost the bid for the 2016 Olympics.
YES!!!111!!! Take that, bitchez! America SUCKS!
Or what if the Ruskies invaded Macon. Unionized police would be all sympathizers with the invading hordes because of their lurve for collectivism and socialist-communist ideology. Then we’d all be skrewed because instead of just having to repel Soviet-style elite troopers (who are super easy to take down since they aren’t Americans) we’d also have to deal with the Macon PD. Oh the horrors. Can you imagine trying to band together the Wolverines!!!one!1 when some of the dirty Reds are actually your neighbours and their dads?
Still, they’s be traitorous union rats standing in solidarity with the parasites and the Commies. To hell with ’em. WOLVERINES!!!111one!
Just pass a law so that all residents 12 and older must carry a gun at all times. It’ll be extra safe and polite and freedomy.
Even the suspiciously dusky ones?
We should probably consider firing them just on principle.
What principle would that be? Joining a legal organization must be stopped? Constituent safety is secondary to employee-screwing?
Erk probably needs better lawyers.
He needs to finish scranletting the field down at Ticklepenny Corner.
As a lifelong Chicagoan, I’d like to insert ” Thank you fucking FSM that we won’t have the olympics here”
Teh Aw350m3!!!1!
The International Olympic Committee (IOC) will vote on the destiny of the 2016 Summer Olympic Games after a final round battle.
Cage match, televised I hope.
” Thank you fucking FSM that we won’t have the olympics here”
Word. Western suburbs here.
Erick’s update on the Olympics is classic. I remember acting that way when I was, oh, 12.
Just pass a law so that all residents 12 and older must carry a gun at all times. It’ll be extra safe and polite and freedomy.
Even the suspiciously dusky ones?
He said ‘residents,’ not ‘interlopers who only come into town to cause crime, sell drugs and leer suggestively at ‘proper’ women.’
Of course you don’t give them guns….
Spot on, except for one small detail. Erickson, or rather Macon County, would never be able to afford Blackwater. And Blackwater would probably take one look at him and think, “Oh fuck no. We do countries, not this little pissant pennyante shit.”
The American Police Force, however, is right up his alley. The spousal affair panty-sniffing, “covert pregnancy testing,” heavy weaponry and authoritarian swagger? It’s everything the Red State Strike Force aspires to be.
Erick Erickson is alleged to be untrustworthy and wants to strangle, rape and behead little boys. He has not, so far as I can tell, ever denied it.
Chicago lost the bid for the 2016 Olympics.
Well good. It’d only fuck up the place (more.)
I’d like to see Rio get it. South America has never hosted the Games.
Right, so let the brownskinned fuck THEIR city up?
Elitist!
Chicago lost the bid for the 2016 Olympics.
Damnit- after I worked so hard on this.
He has not, so far as I can tell, ever denied it.
Or the goat-fucking charge.
Damnit- after I worked so hard on this.
Ha!
Nice.
Damnit- after I worked so hard on this.
I bow to your mad Photoshop skillz.
Right, so let the brownskinned fuck THEIR city up?
Elitist!
Spread the love, baby. Let Rio go broke this time.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t threatening to cut jobs in order to discourage unionization specifically illegal under the Wagner Act?
Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t threatening to cut jobs in order to discourage unionization specifically illegal under the Wagner Act?
No because SHUT UP.
isn’t threatening to cut jobs in order to discourage unionization specifically illegal under the Wagner Act?
Only if you do it while wearing a horned helmet.
…specifically illegal under the Wagner Act?
IANAL, but Wagner Act doesn’t apply to civil servants like coppers. They’re covered under the Civil Service Reform Act of 1978.
So I guess it depends on how you define “illegal”.
Never in a million years would I have imagined such a thing: Erick Erickson, as an effective union organizer.
Thanks DKW. I didn’t remember the details, but many moons ago, I was working for a hotel that union
agitatorsorganizers were targeting. The GM had a series of department meetings where he said, basically, “if the union come in here, we’ll have to cut jobs, and possibly close the hotel.” A couple of days later he had to packpedal furiously when someone pointed out that he wasn’t supposed to say stuff like that (he was a big-mouthed loose cannon who lost his own job a few months later, even though the union vote ended up failing). “I didn’t mean to ‘imply’ (translate: explicitly threaten) that we would cut jobs if the union succeeded; I simply meant to point out (translate: scare everyone–BOO!) that it would be dificult to compete with the additional burdens (translate: living wages) a union contract might impose on our business.” It didn’t matter: the union vote failed, because everyone was convinced it would put us all out of work.I love how Erick had to do research to discover real life isn’t like Robocop and no, the Police can’t go on strike.
It’s Rio. Good for them.
Never in a million years would I have imagined such a thing: Erick Erickson
as an: effective.Fecksed for global inclusiveness.
It’s Rio. Good for them.
The IOC found a way to increase the already large amount of fucking at the games. Well done, sirs and madams.
So Erk’s church (where he was a Deacon) disbands after nearly a century. Then he threatens to destabilize Macon by eliminating the local police. The man’s a one man wrecking crew. And, he is according to some folks, a rising star in the Republic Party (I just wanted to see how that looks) and one can only imagine what he’ll do there. Erk the Red, Destroyer of Worlds. Has a nice ring to it.
And Erk on the Olympic decision:
“Hahahahaha.
I thought the world would love us more now that Bush was gone.
I thought if we whored ourselves out to our enemies, great things would happen.
Apparently not.
So Obama’s pimped us to every two bit thug and dictator in the world, made promises to half the Olympic committee, and they did not even kiss him.
So much for improving America’s standing in the world, Barry O.
Maybe now perhaps we can hope he will mature a bit on the issues of foreign affairs. But I doubt it.
BTW, Dear Barack Obama, you are no Billy Mays.”
Oooh. “No Billy Mays.”
Snap!
Steerpike,
No prob, I have an itchy Google finger, so I’d have probably searched it up anywhos. And that loud mouth GM? Fuck that fucker. I don’t mean to imply that he’s a lousy shitbag that can’t get it up without thinking about goats in schoolgirl costumes but- no wait, I do.
What about schoolgirls in goat costumes?
From a comic timing perspective I would think that the American Police Force would be a better choice for Erick’s no bid contract. I’ll bet he’d a sucker for their militaristic eagle coat of arms, too. Oh, and it’s Xe now.
So would this be one of those “He-said-Xe-said” situations?
I would like to (nix that, pay good money to see) Erick and the Red Trikes running the place.
“Cat stuck in a tree,Mam?” ”
Sharpshooters fall in!”
their militaristic eagle coat of arms
Topped with a crown. Very American, that.
And Erk on the Olympic decision:
If Chicago had gotten it, Erk would be waxing ineloquent about the money wasted etc.
Why in the world didn’t the president step in and make a case for awarding the Games to Chicago? Why does he hate America? Hosting the Olympics is a signal honor, and if Obama were concerned for our national pride and prestige, he would have taken the time to visit Copenhagen and lobby the commitee. It’s an outrage!!!
Wait, he did what? He did go to Copenhagen?….
What in the world is Obama thinking? How could he justify taking time away for such a thing at a time when we are mulling a radical overhaul of our entire healthcare system, not to mention engaging in delicate talks with Iran, just to push for a meaningless and expensive boondoggle?! If he were truly concerned about America, he wouldn’t be wasting the taxpayers’ money to shamelessly promote his currupt home city. It’s an outrage!!
I was totally against Rio getting the Games, because you know that the IOC will make them put on clothes.
Nicely done.
Title thought: “A RedState Clodyssey”
I was totally against Rio getting the Games, because you know that the IOC will make them put on clothes.
*waterspit*
FTW!
You just had to bang on motherfucking Jersey, didn’t you?
You just had to bang on motherfucking Jersey, didn’t you?
Jersey’s a whore. Ever look at her hair?
A fledgling pronunciation guide. Um, add your own…
http://forvo.com/
The beach volleyball matches in Rio are going to be awesome!
Why do I see a Batman remake featuring The Joker, but set in Macon?
Peter Greenaway is way ahead of you.
Don’t tell Dan Riehl.
You just had to bang on motherfucking Jersey, didn’t you?
By comparing it unfavorably, more or less, to Georgia. I live in Athens and I’d be insulted, frankly.
Speaking of which, I’m moving to New Orleans in a couple months. Anybody know anything helpful?
Anybody know anything helpful?
Tipitina’s.
You reckon they’re hiring? Man, Bruce Daigrepont is playing there Sunday afternoon for seven bucks. The fuck am I still doing in Athens?
I thought Athens had a good music scene. I check Tipitina’s schedule every so often just to see what I’m missing. I imagine other commenters who know more about New Orleans will come along soon enough and share more substantial information on the city. I only visited it twice in the early 90s and having been wanting to go back since.
Athens has a great music scene. I’m just tired of it. Been here 10 years, and that’s way too much indie rock played to the backs of hipsters for any poor country boy. And since I can’t get the mountain to come to Mohamed, among a number of other things, it’s time to go.
Plus, it’s a game weekend, and the town’s full of yay-hoos from Louisiana on top of the normal Georgia yay-hoos, and I realize there’s a certain incongruity between bitching about drunken jackasses coming into town six weekends out of the year and moving to a town set up to accommodate drunken jackasses permanently. Life is a series of contradictions, I’ve found.
2010: An Erick Erickson Odyssey
My God, it’s full of fail.
Results 1 – 10 of about 454 for “it’s full of tards”
Of course, with the dissolution of the police force, E.E. can live out his “Mall Cop” fantasy…
Can I get a “Blart”?
Memo from Macon PD–ignore the alarm at Erik bin Erik’s house for, let’s say infinity.
When the Ocmulgee overflows again (like it did in ’94 and last week), and he’s clinging to his roof like a wet kitten, then the Macon PD and Bibb County Sheriff’s Office can compete for the prize of rowing by his house to toss him a concrete block.