Goddess, you just want to slap the daylights out of both of them~

Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

I need to find a hammer and nail some of my brains back into my skull before they all slip away.

Always trust the shorter.

Always trust the shorter.

Always trust the shorter.

Hey, the mantra works!

fuckayoua “so called” actor. I started typing it before you did.

Are you kidding? I’m designing a T shirt around that!

Top 1 reason why John Hawkins is a lazy columnist:

1) Like, 3/4ths of his columns are Top 5/10/Whatevers.

This love’s for gentlemen only
wealthiest gentlemen only….

The fact is, real America Heartlands love making their voices heard in the form of numbered lists, like John Hawkins does, also.

1. The Delclaration of Independence is a list of why freedom is great in the heartland.
2. The Bill of Rights is a list of the guns we can have to keep the blacks out of our heartland homes.
3. This list is a Heartland freedom tale in the form of a list of reasons why lists are American and great and not for liberals on the coasts.

Also.

He looks like someone glued a wig, a rubber mask and a pair of novelty ears to a mound of butter, dough and cooking fat and balanced it all precariously atop a shop window dummy. And then punched it in the face for good measure.

It looks like he’s wearing a face on top of his real face but the outer face is too small and also kind of ratty.

Gary Ruppert said,

September 22, 2009 at 21:20

Hot damn, that was fan-fucking-tastic.

Tom Tomorrow concurs.

Wow. Corky from “Life Goes On” sure hasn’t aged well.

Wow. That comments section is teh awesome.

I had no idea liberals were people who “Claim that Jews use the blood of Palestinians in Purim cookies.”

So what does that say about the GOP’s selection and soon-thereafter neutering of Michael Steele? And what are “race relations”, anyway? If you mean “people will not judge others by the color of their skin”, how can having Barack as president possibly have a downside? I mean, if people frequently see an eloquent, thoughtful, intelligent darker-skinned man on the TV, won’t SOME of them naturally start judging a little less? Plus, won’t his election provide nothing but motivation for those all-but-banished to the non-white lower socio-economic classes?

Let me put it another way: if Barack had lost to uber-flawed crotchety McCain and his Caribou Sidekick, what would THAT have done to “race relations”?

I want to apologize for that unforgivable crack at the expense of Down Syndrome victims. I know damn well that guy isn’t Corky. He’s Chastity Bono, post-sex-change.

He’s the king, king of the dweebs
What’s his name?
John Hawkins

With apologies to The Oppressed.

I had no idea liberals were people who “Claim that Jews use the blood of Palestinians in Purim cookies.”

Oh yes. Which really makes us hypocrites, since we feast on the flesh of Christian babies at Christmas and Easter.

It looks like he’s wearing a face on top of his real face but the outer face is too small and also kind of ratty.

It’s like a Thanksgiving turducken.

We can call him “Turdfucken”

Let me put it another way: if Barack had lost to uber-flawed crotchety McCain and his Caribou Sidekick, what would THAT have done to “race relations”?

Well we’d be sending everyone whose family wasn’t connected enough to get them 5 deferments off to the war with Iran, so I’m thinking race relations would pretty much not be a problem.

Top 5 Reasons Why You Should Click Through Even Though The Shorter Is Totally 100% Bang On.

5. Reply #12

92% of blacks approve of BHO?
Now I know how blacks ended up in America. They don’t know when they are being enslaved.

4. Reply #22

First off, Slavery was not an act of racism. If slavery was an act of racsim, we would then have to logically conclude that African Blacks that sold their own people into slavery were racists. That obviously makes no sense.

Seriously, “First off”. He keeps going…

3. Reply#28

THOSE WHO CALL RACISM SHOULD BE CAREFUL
They may get what they wish for.

2. Reply #16

People overlook the 5% of Black Americans who did NOT vote for Barack Obama in the first election of a President of African descent.

I haven’t forgotten these thinking Black Patriots, who saw through the hype, lies and deceit.

Actually, almost everything by Retired Geek. Wow that is a jam-packed full can of bottled up rage.

AND <drumroll> Num-bah ONE reason!
(183 comments so far)

since we feast on the flesh of Christian babies at Christmas and Easter.

I hear Jack Black will be leading the congregation this year.

Wait a minute. If the overwhelmingly white Tea Baggers can call Obama a Mooslamic, African-born usurper based purely on his policies, with no racist overtones, why couldn’t African Americans have voted for him overwhelmingly based solely on his character, achievements and values?

why couldn’t African Americans have voted for him overwhelmingly based solely on his character, achievements and values?

Because they’re shut up, that’s why.

Damn you cyntax and your comment reading ways. If I hadn’t put it in the form of a Top Five, I’d be revelling in the glory.

I had no idea liberals were people who “Claim that Jews use the blood of Palestinians in Purim cookies.”

Duh: Hammastaschen.

Try this tasty Purim cookie.

Does that pasty creature have a goiter, or is that just a huge roll of fat? And why does he seem to be wearing a bolo tie off center under his shirt?

Top One John Hawkins Writing Technique:

Sept 22, 2009
5 Reasons Obama’s Election Is Bad For Race Relations

Sept 15, 2009
10 More “You Lie” Moments On Health Care

Sept 8, 2009
10 Lessons We Can Learn From The Rise Of The Nazis

Sept 1, 2009
The Top 7 Most Embarrassing Town Hall Moments for Democrats

Aug 25, 2009
5 Liberal Lies About Obamacare

And why does he seem to be wearing a bolo tie off center under his shirt?

That’s the string his mom tied for him so he could wear a bath towel like a cape.

If I hadn’t put it in the form of a Top Five, I’d be revelling in the glory.

Sorry DKW, didn’t mean to steal your thunder, but reply #16 caught my attention too, so I was wondering which one you’d ranked bottom of the barrel.

I was about to say that I had no idea that Patton Oswalt and Samuel L. Jackson had made a buddy comedy, but I just couldn’t bring myself to slander those two fine gentlemen, not even for the sake of a joke. I must be getting soft.

Also: Fake Gary Ruppert is too clever by half. Half? More like 90%.

And why does he seem to be wearing a bolo tie off center under his shirt?

That’s the string his mom tied for him so he could wear a bath towel like a cape.

Naw, that’s where the pork chop goes.

He has a reason for every chin!

Naw, that’s where the pork chop goes.

Still, not even stray dogs will be his friend….. 🙁

DIY lap-band.

…so I was wondering which one you’d ranked bottom of the barrel.

I only got so far as thirty-something, but of those #22 has got to be the best. I bumped Reply 16 due to the volume of Retired Geek’s rantings.

Must. Trust. The. Shorter.™

Aw fuck. I didn’t take my own advice…Grrrrr…

Jews use the blood of Palestinians in Purim cookies

Only when we can’t get our hands on enough dried cranberries.

First off, Slavery was not an act of racism. If slavery was an act of racsim, we would then have to logically conclude that African Blacks that sold their own people into slavery were racists. That obviously makes no sense.

I just had to repost that to be sure I saw what I thought I saw.

Of course, I’m being ambulanced to the hospital for 3rd-degree stupid burns right now. That shit don’t rinse out. I tried smearing some margarine on it, but it’s not real butter so it doesn’t stop the stinging.

OT, but hi-fucking-larious.

Joe Wilson dolls: http://gawker.com/5365291/congressional-action-figure-made-into-action-figure

Finally, somebody tries my Fat Suit/Mall experiment…

“I haven’t forgotten these thinking Black Patriots, who saw through the hype, lies and deceit.”

Why, they’re some of the good ones!

I was about to say that I had no idea that Patton Oswalt and Samuel L. Jackson had made a buddy comedy, but I just couldn’t bring myself to slander those two fine gentlemen, not even for the sake of a joke. I must be getting soft.

It’s like Patton Oswalt and Samuel L. Jackson made a buddy comedy, and Hawkins and Sharpe are the stars of the Turkish knockoff version.

Pee J-
Obrigado!
Salve Flora!

Must. Trust. The. Shorter.™

Not trusting the shorter is like getting off the boat and looking for mangos.

Never get off the boat.

Hey Michael Steele – Ringling Brothers called, the clowns want their underwear back.

“I haven’t forgotten these thinking Black Patriots, who saw through the hype, lies and deceit.”

Nader voters too embarrassed to spill the beans to the exit pollers.

Someone should tell Hawkins that the use of iodized table salt will prevent endemic goiters.

It’s like his neck got hungry and is trying to eat his head.

“whoop-whoop” LOOKISM ALERT “whoop-whoop”

Hey, give the guy credit. At least he concedes that the Civil War was fought “in large part over slavery.”

the use of iodized table salt will prevent endemic goiters.

What should we prescribe for his endemic idiocy?

At least he concedes that the Civil War was fought “in large part over slavery.”

You lie!

What should we prescribe for his endemic idiocy?

Salt that includes copper sulfate. It will solve all his problems.

*sigh* ACORN Worker in Video Reported Duo to Police.

PeeJ,

So let me see…the guy plays along, probably to avoid having the “pimp” pull a gun or a knife or something, then turns around, does the right thing and calls the cops, but can’t do anything because he finds out a few days later he’s been duped?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

…copper sulfate. It will solve all his problems.

Hmm… he probably would be too busy throwing up all over his keyboard to vomit his “thoughts” onto the net…

Salt that includes copper sulfate. It will solve all his problems.

Now, now. He may be fat, but there’s no need to encourage bulimia.

Salt that includes copper sulfate. It will solve all his problems.

Now, now. He may be fat, but there’s no need to encourage bulimia.

Fancy pants liberals! When I was a kid, we’d stick a finger down our throats to force bullimia!

He’s as stupid as he is ugly.

And he fits perfectly my description of ALL CONSERVATIVE PUNDITS:

He is pudgy and fat-faced. They all are. It’s like a rule or something.

That is no goitre. I think it’s a foreskin.

When I was a kid, we’d stick a finger down our throats to force bullimia!
Whose?

*sigh* ACORN Worker in Video Reported Duo to Police.

Wow, what an unsurprising turn of events. Wonder if we’ll hear about it on Fox News?

When I was a kid, we’d stick a finger down our throats to force bullimia!
Whose?

We had entire gangs of punks, roaming around, sticking their fingers down random people’s throats.

And we liked it!

Damn Travis, that was one mighty fine “Shorter…”

We had entire gangs of punks, roaming around, sticking their fingers down random people’s throats.

Linda Lovelace changed all that.

Linda Lovelace changed all that.

Oreally?

It’s like Patton Oswalt and Samuel L. Jackson made a buddy comedy, and Hawkins and Sharpe are the stars of the Turkish knockoff version.

Perfect.

From teh spewl: Against this backdrop came Barack Obama with an unspoken promise: elect me as President and America can put race in the rear view mirror once and for all.
Translation: I hear stuff that people don’t say.
This is one of the more interesting symptoms of the mass delusion. Things that the bozos were attributing to Obama voters were actually never said. Now that he is the president and the those things are still not being said, it’s proved to the delusional that they heard right the first time because they can point to it being said before he was elected, never mind that it was those same delusionists who said it.

“Top 3 questions you must answer if you wish to cross over John Hawkins’ bridge”

The Townhall comments are at once a cesspool of stupid and a fascinating glance into the window of a conservatard mind. For instance,
Jim in VA predicts the future:

What needs to happen for blacks to vote conservative is for a REAL conservative party to open shop. Blacks will NEVER vote for the Republicans, any more than I will EVER vote for Dumbocrats. The only middle ground is to start a new party, a TRUE Conservative party, and let the others go the way of the dodo.

Which is going to happen to the Dims, faster than you think: Americans of all colors hate Communists

You know, I gotta give Jim credit for going on out a limb with this one–the reason blacks don’t vote Republican is because Repubs AREN’T CRACKER RACIST ENUFF!

Oh, and here goes, Rock Strongo in MI offering up this irony-free insight:

But to liberals–ignorant of history–the same tired ideas always seem novel, innovative, and deserving of another round of “tests.”

Unfortunately, it is never those in power who pay the price for being so wrong. Again.

Not to be outdone, terry in GA shares this gem:

…..To get back to racism in America …lets say it takes 300 to 600 years to blend the races …would racism end? …would the lighter shades lord it over the darker as they do in Brazil? …

…Q. What happens when you mix a glass of water with a glass of ink? …

…A. You get a weak ink and a lousy glass of water …..COLOSSUS

Yeah, well the Jerk Store called and,

aw fergetit

That is no goitre. I think it’s a foreskin.

HAVE MERCY. I think I just developed spontaneous projectile bulimia.

Now, if I were Sean Hannity, I would want to know why Hawkins is APPROVINGLY using lists- a format notoriously used to threaten the librul-rape of Sarah Palin’s beautiful white daughter. Then I would put a wet rag in my mouth while Ann Coulter sodomized me with a spiked dildo shaped like Ronald Reagan.

spontaneous projectile bulimia

The medical term is “trebuchet.”

When I was a kid, we’d stick a finger down our throats to force bullimia!
Whose?
We had entire gangs of punks, roaming around, sticking their fingers down random people’s throats.

I am relieved to hear this. I was worrying about the kind of pranks that med students get up to.

Sure is fun around here w/o the trollz. Did I miss something? Was there an exorcism or something?

Duh: Hammastaschen.

First Secretary General of the U.N.?

Did I miss something? Was there an exorcism or something?

Blog Fiber™. Slow-moving but sure.

No no, those are Jebbfa cakes.

See what happens when you don’t quote the person to whom you’re responding? If I’d quoted it, of course, it would have appeared directly after.

Driefromseattle 72p · 9 minutes ago

Good post! I am wondering how hard it is going to be to find theatre companies and other art companies that haven’t taken stimulus money or the NEA “grants”. I really don’t want to be part of the mouthpiece speaking for the Destroyer. (wow that was dramatic) I think maybe “guerilla theatre” may be in my future unless the arts community realizes that money never comes from the hands of a benefactor strings–including a benefactor such as Uncle Barack.

Hey Michael Steele […] the clowns want their underwear back.

That tie is definitely a keeper. It is the kind of fabric that Rosie the Riveter might wear as a head-scarf.
I can only suppose that his odd sartorial choices are an attempt “to get down with the kids” as you youngsters say, and earn himself some street credibility.

If I’d quoted it, of course, it would have appeared directly after.

I am greatly relieved to hear that Jebbfa cakes contain no Blog Fiber™.

I really don’t want to be part of the mouthpiece speaking for the Destroyer
Am I wrong to imagine a re-make of Zardoz?

Am I wrong to imagine a re-make of Zardoz?

Who would you cast for the thigh-highs and speedos hero? Besides the obvious choice of Pauly Shore.

The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the Earth with a plague of men, as once it was, but the gun shoots death, and purifies the Earth of the filth of brutals.

Who would you cast for the thigh-highs and speedos hero?
Kate Beckinsale SHUT UP SMUT

The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the Earth with a plague of men, as once it was, but the gun shoots death, and purifies the Earth of the filth of brutals.

Damn I got rent this one.

Handy –

You really, really don’t.

Totally ripping off the drummer from Manowar.

I can’t help but observe;

Michael Steele. Shock G?

Great performance art, if so.

Who would you cast for the thigh-highs and speedos hero?

Why, Jennifer pointed us to a whole photo line-up of likely contenders just last night!

AFAIK Connery got a few movies he REALLY WANTED TO DO in exchange for more Bond shenanigans, and Zardoz was one of ’em. That alone makes it worth watching: it isn’t just a crazy piece of shit that somehow came together, interesting people really pushed for it.

GodDAMN it, Substance.

Why, Jennifer pointed us to a whole photo line-up of likely contenders just last night!

I only recently regained the ability to focus my eyes so, no, I’m not revisiting that horror.

interesting people really pushed for it

Because they were all stoned or otherwise legally incompetent to make life-altering decisions.

Totally ripping off the drummer from Manowar.
So that’s what Mikey’s been up to lately.

Nothing says “Not Gay” like a white suit with a white shirt and a white tie with polka dots.

I dunno N__B, I’m tempted to just to have the chance to see Sean Connory in a whole new…errm…way.

Don’t know if this holds true for TV or DVD, but seeing Zardox on the vast and mighty theater screen (yes, I’m that old) one could catch a brief glimpse of Connery’s peen. Vast and mighty, indeed.

Because they were all stoned or otherwise legally incompetent

That’s pretty close to my definition of “interesting”.

I’m tempted to just to have the chance to see Sean Connory in a whole new…errm…way.

[cue ominous music] You’ve been warned. [slow fade ominous music]

‘We began as a slaveholding nation that simultaneously held the contradictory belief that “all men were created equal,” actually fought a civil war in large part over slavery’

Wait wait wait. “were created equal”? *were*? You’re going to quote the most famous document in American history and you fuck up the quote?

Wait wait wait. “were created equal”? *were*? You’re going to quote the most famous document in American history and you fuck up the quote?

All men were equal until some decided to pay attention to Zardoz and Manowar.

HAVE MERCY. I think I just developed spontaneous projectile bulimia.

Always Trust The Shorter.

Do Not Eat Or Drink While Enjoying Sadly, No!

Now there’s a “Law” that won’t last another week.

With respect to any covered organization, the following prohibitions apply:

(1) No Federal contract, grant, cooperative agreement, or any other form of agreement (including a memorandum of understanding) may be awarded to or entered into with the organization.

(2) No Federal funds in any other form may be provided to the organization.

[snip]

A Covered Organization:
(3) Any organization that has filed a fraudulent form with any Federal or State regulatory agency.

(4) Any organization that–

(A) employs any applicable individual, in a permanent or temporary capacity;

How’s that “Creating your own Reality” working out for ya, Goppers?

Substance–

Sorry to nitpick, but my understanding was that Connery got to do Sidney Lumet’s The Offense in return for returning to play Bond in Diamonds Are Forever. United Artists made the Bond films, but 20th Century Fox made Zardoz, so as far as I know there was no Quid Pro Q involved, just Connery’s erratic taste in movies (though in his defense, Zardoz director John Boorman had just made Deliverance).

How’s that “Creating your own Reality” working out for ya, Goppers?

Now that’s calling somebody’s bluff.

so as far as I know there was no Quid Pro Q involved, just Connery’s erratic taste in movies

Your memory is probably better than mine, as I have THREE MANOWAR POSTS.

Best video of the three?

This is one of the more interesting symptoms of the mass delusion. Things that the bozos were attributing to Obama voters were actually never said.

Yep, this has been rampant this summer. McCain slamming Obama for not keeping the promises McCain made….someone else slammed Obama for not pulling us out of Afghanistan like he promised….except he didn’t promise that at all.

I am wondering how hard it is going to be to find theatre companies and other art companies that haven’t taken stimulus money or the NEA “grants”.

My goodness, there are these “grant” things given by the National Endowment for the Arts! When did they start doing that?

Hey! Who’s the retard with O’Bammy?

suggested caption:

Gene pools to avoid

The anti-Manowar.

so- how does ‘Zardoz the Destroyer’ stack up against ‘El Topo’? Because that was 3 hours of my like I will totally never get back.

dammit. I meant to type: ‘3 hours of my life I will totally never get back’

‘3 hours of my life I will totally never get back’

I doubt you’ll get any of it back.

No, I won’t get any of it back. But I prefer to spend it, not waste it. (While I explain a minor opinion on a internet forum to someone I’ll never meet, instead of doing something useful like, huffing gas)

Hey! Who’s the retard with O’Bammy?

Jabba the Hutt?

That nice black fellow is helping out that poor mentally handicapped kid who probably just won the Special Olympics or something and all you people can do is crack jokes at them. I bet you all also go to charities in your free time and say ridiculous things to the volunteers just to waste their time and get a good laugh at their expense. You people sicken me.

The anti-Manowar.

Castrato? Might have trouble filling out a Speedo.

The last time I met people that I only knew from internet fora we ended up sampling a bunch of home made liquor. Umé plum aquavit, honeyshine (distilled mead, wow) and eau de vie de pomme. It was sort of like huffing gas.

Always only look at the photo.

Damn, Gocart.

I was just thinking the Special Olympics winner/celebrity photo op. But I got distracted. Really. I thought of it an hour ago. Or more.

What?

Well, a different mikey, I don’t have the other boozes, but I do have Akvavit, I will take a drink in your honor tonight. And I can’t say I’ve ever met anyone from the fora I frequent, probably due to my voluntary exile to Madison WI.

Against much wise advice, I didn’t trust the shorter. I clicked through.

I’m glad I did, because I learned something I wouldn’t have believed otherwise. It turns out that it is possible to write an article in which every single declarative sentence is false. Seriously. All you shorter-trusters, go read it. If there is a single claim made in that article that does not misrepresent the reality in which we live, I must have missed it. Either that clown is posting from an alternate timeline, or he has a true gift for invention.

The point raised by another kiwi:

Translation: I hear stuff that people don’t say.
This is one of the more interesting symptoms of the mass delusion. Things that the bozos were attributing to Obama voters were actually never said. Now that he is the president and the those things are still not being said, it’s proved to the delusional that they heard right the first time because they can point to it being said before he was elected, never mind that it was those same delusionists who said it.

is only the beginning.

The last time I met people that I only knew from internet fora we ended up sampling a bunch of home made liquor

I can nearly the same thing. The likker tweren’t “homemade” but it was from a local microdistillery. Ahh, the Portlanding. Good times, good times.

is only the beginning.

The Stubots are multiplying?

Ahh, here is the link I meant to supply. Apologies for any inconvenience I may have caused.

And I can’t say I’ve ever met anyone from the fora I frequent, probably due to my voluntary exile to Madison WI.

Some of my in-laws are there, but it’s unlikely I’ll be visiting them in their natural habitat.

Well now, ain’t it a good thing that we’ve got this fine young gentlemen to tell the black folks where its really at?

And I’m sure they (the black folks that is) are all gathered ’round the fire in the cabin and listenin’ to their massa’s fine instruction.

The Beauties of THE DEVIL!

so- how does ‘Zardoz the Destroyer’ stack up against ‘El Topo’?

Zardoz is accidentally funnier, El Topo is better.

The Beauties of THE DEVIL!

I was hoping for more nudity.

From the Clownhall site, Mr. Hawkins bio:

“John Hawkins is the blogosphere’s premier interviewer and has interviewed big name conservatives like Jed Babbin, Michael Barone, Sam Brownback, Mona Charen, Ann Coulter, Tom DeLay, Jim DeMint, Larry Elder, Milton Friedman, Newt Gingrich, Bernard Goldberg, Jonah Goldberg, David Horowitz, Mike Huckabee, Duncan Hunter, G. Gordon Liddy, David Limbaugh, Michael Medved, Dick Morris, Richard Perle, Mark Steyn, Thomas Sowell, Tom Tancredo and Walter Williams. ”

This list represents the people this fella looks up to worships.

That list may also constitute Stubot Prime.

And. And.

Can you imagine if you had been interviewed by this guy and he left you off this list?

Can you imagine if you had been interviewed by this guy and he left you off this list?

Me? I’d be deliriously happy. The wingers, not so much.

Would you like to know who he wants to have sex with?

Would you like to know who he wants to have sex with?

DO

NOT

WANT

Me? I’d be deliriously happy. The wingers, not so much.

Um. Yes. That was central to my point. Which I obviously made quite clearly.

Which I obviously made quite clearly.

Don’t feel bad. I am at this moment a collection of limbs randomly attached to a large ball of chicken, salad, and Nicaraguan rum.

And I can’t say I’ve ever met anyone from the fora I frequent, probably due to my voluntary exile to Madison WI.

Some of my in-laws are there, but it’s unlikely I’ll be visiting them in their natural habitat.

Yeah, I don’t blame you. Perilously close to Zombie stomping grounds.

a large ball of chicken, salad, and Nicaraguan rum.

NOM NOM NOM

Hey ZRM – if we have a NYC SN! drinkfest, you coming here?

Castrato? Might have trouble filling out a Speedo.

I think he’s intact, just with a nice high falsetto. A Speedo and we’d know for sure, though.

I was hoping for more nudity.

You kidding? I could see EVERYBODY’S f-holes!

Have another slice of pizzicato

“Q. What happens when you mix a glass of water with a glass of ink? …

…A. You get a weak ink and a lousy glass of water …..COLOSSUS”

That old canard against mixed race marriage still worming its way around? And they say liberals aren’t original? Good lord.

“With respect to any covered colored organization, the following prohibitions apply:..”

I could see EVERYBODY’S f-holes!

I admit, I averted my eyes.

Every time I see that picture of Hawkins, it makes me think that somewhere a Special Olympics is missing a shotputter…

(shotputtee)

How could El Topo be better than anything this side of home movie snuff films? Is Zardoz the Destroyer a home movie snuff film? eww.

Zardoz is a home movie chewing tobacco film.

Every time I see that picture of Hawkins, it makes me think that somewhere a Special Olympics is missing a shotputter…

That cord around his neck (in the photo) holds his badge. With the notation: “Please contact Special Olympics if this participant is found wandering off the competition grounds…”

Come on people, there’s nothing wrong with Hawkins that 3-4 times through basic training at Cherry Point and a metric shitload of psychoactive drugs and gratuitous amateur electroshock therapy wouldn’t cure.

John Hawkins has that “special” look.

You kidding? I could see EVERYBODY’S f-holes!

Sometimes those are fake, you know.

How could El Topo be better than anything this side of home movie snuff films?

I enjoyed it.

Zardoz moves faster, but still sideways.

Sometimes those are fake, you know.

Indeed

S-M-G rides a flaming horse from the sky.
~

And not just on the ladies.

John Hawkins has that “special” look.

You know, ClownHall really is the Special Olympics of social/political commentary. Everyone gets a trophy!

And everyone in the stands cheers them.

I hate to say it, but this is the first time the shorter didn’t completely capture the full essense of the lunacy, which are Hawkins’ repeated admissions that yes, all of the reasons that Obama is BAD for race relations in the here and now are things that in the long run are good things that need to happen to truly improve race relations. In other words, it will be great when we get to a post-racial society, but in the meantime, why should we be letting the n***ers run the show, and being seemingly very sincerely oblivious to the idea that you can’t go from point 1 to point 10 without first passing through points 2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and 9, one of which is represented by “first black president.”

Wait — Obama is black?

Nobody ever tells me anything.

There’s a well known bluegrass bass player with f-hole tattoos just like Tig’s photo above. She wears shirts designed to show them off. I was once backstage with a famous bluegrass personality who, when he saw the tattoos said, “That just wouldn’t work the same on a man.”

Bryn Davies.

Very good, J–. For extra credit can you name the famous bluegrass personality?
Your google foo won’t help you this time.

I couldn’t find a picture of her decorations, even under her previous nym.

Silly me, there it is on her My-Space page:

here

Difft mikey – here?

Drat, missed it by seconds.

I believe this will amuse Xecky.

Been there, dadat.

I believe this will amuse Xecky.

My new favorite band!

FWIW, whenever I click through to the Townhall site, I wind up with five tracking cookies on my computer. Always practice good hygine after visiting their site and do a scan when you return safely home.

And speaking of Toad Hall, what’s up with the “I’d rather be waterboarding” T-shirt they’re selling? Those people are some kind of sick. Torture ha,ha, ha, it’s just so funny I tell ya.

Dave’s not here.

Would you like to know who he wants to have sex with?
Another fucking-list from John Hawkins.

He forgot Reason #6 – It’s caused white conservatives to reveal themselves as total racist douchebags, whereas formally they could at least maintain the fiction of some doubt. That can’t be good for race relations either.

Also, that guy’s chin waddle is something else. It’s as though we caught him in the midst of trying to swallow an entire pot roast in one go. That has to win some kind of prize. Not a prize anyone would want admittedly, but a prize just the same.

“…a picture of her decorations…”

wait, those are nowhere near her G-spot.

what?

I believe this will amuse SMG

Indeed.

You know, what worries me is how my mother’s going to take this.

Oh, I see that you have accessed my page! How are you? I am fine and eagerly anticipating any correspondence you may send here to Ipanema, where I await sexily your caress across the vast distance of internet, and yet so close! Kisses in advance!

Also, AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

No no no, it’s “Aaaaauuuugggghhhh” from the back of the throat.

when he saw the tattoos said, “That just wouldn’t work the same on a man.”
On the other hand, I can draw felt-pen dots all over my belly and go to fancy-dress parties claiming to be a Dobro guitar.

And speaking of Toad Hall, what’s up with the “I’d rather be waterboarding” T-shirt they’re selling?

Lots of reasons really.

Those people are some kind of sick. Torture ha,ha, ha, it’s just so funny I tell ya.

They think it makes them look tough.

Ya know, like T2-Arney in Persols tough.

You’ll all be glad to hear that I’m about to punch a gaping hole in my abdomen with a large-caliber pistol and dub myself a Martin D-.44.

I think I missed the humor in that one.

Tacky, I know but could you explain it?

Owlbear, you talkin’ to me? If so, here goes:

See, early on in this thread multiple references were made to the “f-holes” of a violin as tattooed on the back of a woman. These holes enhance the resonance of a fiddle, and are functionally analogous to the large central hole of a typical acoustic guitar.

Awhile back, SmutClyde jocularly wrote “I can draw felt-pen dots all over my belly and go to fancy-dress parties claiming to be a Dobro guitar,” which is a reference to the alternative acoustical arrangement of a dobro, which has multiple small perforations.

I merely upped the ante by metaphorically imagining blowing a hole in my midsection (rather than merely tattooing it), and that reference to a “Martin D-.44” draws on the Colt .44 — a venerated high-powered pistol — and the Martin D-40, a classic acoustic guitar model.

Sure, it could have been in better taste– but what are we all doing here, anyway? –Venting!

Okay, thanks for explaining. I get it. Funny.

–Not.

OK, finally time for bed… ‘bye!

*sigh* ACORN Worker in Video Reported Duo to Police.

I demand a long form copy of the police report!

Smut: I wish you luck on turning your abdomen resophonic. You’ll find it riveting

OT but amusing (to me, at least). Glenn Beck’s newest book (with him dressed like Col. Klink on the cover), has a release(?) date of Sept. 22. Today, it sports 45 percent discount at Amazon. I know some book-bidness people can translate dates/discounts in a more nuanced way, but to me that says this fine tome is on its way to Remainderville on the express train.

Sweet potato puree is just like mashed potatoes, kid, except for the flakes.

Glenn Beck’s newest book (with him dressed like Col. Klink on the cover), has a release(?) date of Sept. 22.

A previous Glenn Beck book (don’t you hate it how these one-note assholes always manage to become multimedia empires?) is included in the New Books display at my local library. Twice now, I’ve dropped it between the stacks so that it disappears from view, hoping it would stay there until the next twice-a-year janitorial overhaul, but somehow it gets returned to the shelf before my next visit.

Now I’ve noticed a ceiling camera at such an angle that the actual dropping would be unseen, but a person in that vicinity would be recognizable. So either I cease this quixotic gesture or I don a fake beard and sunglasses for next time.

The beard! The beard! They’ll never suspect a thing, Madam!

I believe this will amuse Xecky.

Argh -didn’t find this comment until I returned to video-non-capable work ‘puters. I will look at it at home later. Many thanks for the thought.

Oh, and sure enough, that kicked some pretty serious ass. Thanks!