Mad As Hell And Not Gonna Fake It Anymore
You’re Free Republic founder Jim Robinson and you’ve drawn a line in the sand:
If we could get millions of Americans to march on Washington, what would we do?
It cannot be denied that the central government has become destructive of our unalienable rights to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness and our rights to live free. The government is no longer responsive to we the People. They have stretched and shredded the constitution to the point that they have illegally seized for themselves virtually unlimited powers over the citizens and act as if we have no rights and no powers of our own. They are acting without our consent.
Our Founders established that when our government becomes destructive of our rights then it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.
We have reached the point where the government’s long train of abuses and usurpations has achieved absolute Despotism, therefore it is our right, it is our duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for our future security.
Therefore, We the People of America choose to exercise our right to throw off and alter the abusive government by peacefully recalling and removing from office the President of the United States, the Vice President of the United States and all U.S. Senators and U.S. Representatives effective immediately.
Ah, teh Internets. It wasn’t so long ago that such inchoate rage was scribbled free-hand in composition books for no eyes to recoil from but those of the crime scene investigators. In the past, you might self-publish, but that was costly and brought its own set of perils. A popular alternative was to mail one’s personal madness to media gatekeepers who might be coerced into reprinting it … or might not be. Now, thanks to historical revisionism, we have a state-of-the-art series of tubes that bypasses the New York Times editorial board entirely and plunks your petulant manifesto on the flat-panel displays of like-minded folk across the country, so that you might all rise up in your tens and demand satisfaction from the jug-eared Kenyan interloper who gamed the Constitution with un-American teleprompter-fu to steal a presidential election with a majority of the votes.
Welcome to the Information Age! Where the voices in your head may freely converse with the digital avatars of similar paranoids who reside thousands of miles from your bunker! Where you may openly declare your sworn duty to defend the Founders’ intent from the peaceful and legal transition of power that threatens to destroy their vision of government by, for and of the people … to boldly resist a naked democratic power grab by popularly elected charlatans who use the cherished ideals of our forefathers against us … and at long last, to summon the courage to knock over the Monopoly board of life and stomp off in a tantrum when your political opponents piss all over the rules of the game by following them, and somehow manage to get a hotel on Park Place.
Of course, to make a wingnut omelette, you’ve got to break a few Constitutional eggs … destroy the document in order to save it, etc.:
We hereby repeal the 17th amendment.
The central government has expanded well beyond the limits established for it by the founders and pay for that expansion by directly taxing the people and severely restricting our rights through an enslaving income tax.
We hereby repeal the 16th amendment.
The IRS and all sub departments and agencies are hereby dissolved, disbanded and closed.
All deliciously irrational — but you’re troubled. Your chicken scratch ravings were just peachy for muttering aloud to frightened relatives on the rare occasions that you dragged yourself out of the basement for a family gathering. And your Freepii followers are naturally on board, but you suspect their disembodied replies may just be the product of your fevered imagination anyway. And you wonder, are your words soaring enough to inspire real, live human beings who are not forced to humor you? It’s a quandary, so you summon what last vestiges of socialization you still possess from the days before stranger danger overwhelmed you, and appeal to the pixelated voices that have provided you comfort in the past:
Need lots of help with this document, folks. Please chime in.
There — that wasn’t so hard, was it? And let it be a lesson to all creepy lone-wolf types … Freeper honcho Jim Robinson’s cry for help was met with a tidal wave of constructive criticism for his call-to-arms and the million-wingnut march on Washington he assumes will result from its widespread publication:
‘We need General James Mattoon Scott,’ recommends one Freeper cinephile going by the handle buccaneer81, despite the march being planned for one day in September and not seven in May. It’s also possible that Jack Bauer was not available to lead the protest.
‘The parallels with 1775 are fairly exact (also parallels with Germany in the 30’s as well),’ chimes in the historically minded 2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten. True that — back then, they got us with ‘taxation without representation’ and this time around it comes with, but other than that, it’s exactly the same (and the liberal thugs know it, too — we overheard one saying as much at a beer hall putsch just last week).
Others are worried about the dreaded Obama death camps. ‘One of the concerns that I’ve expressed, is getting us all in one place. With the insanity going on, what in your opinion, would prevent this monster from calling in armed troops/thugs and killing us, or at the very least, herding us into prisons where we would never see the light of day again?’ frets Outlaw Woman.
Another Freeper, lula, also expresses some reservations at first, but in the end, well, fuck it: ‘I would love for this to happen, but I’m afraid the unemployment would quadruple since so many work for the government. Then we would have riots and chaos, never the less where do I sign.’
Nervous nellies aside, the dialogue soon turns to strategy. Perhaps Robinson’s nascent movement could benefit from a bit of cosplay and an appeal to the South Asian community, suggests mission9: ‘I think we should try non-violence first. How about a revolutionary fife and drum march of knee sock, powdered wig patriots, followed by a Mohatmed Ghandi stand in, wearing a diaper and carrying a walking stick.’
Pampers or Huggies, whichever’s on sale at the Piggly Wiggly … but a tactical decision will have to be made as to whether the ‘Ghandi’ stand-in should shit himself for effect during the march on Washington.
But as the excitement grows, the conversation takes on a more ominous tone:
“Be ready. The traitors will give you no quarter. Give them none,” warns Enoughofthissocialism.
Later, it is determined that pre-emptive action may be required to counter ‘the traitors.’ Unfortunate, perhaps, but according to Hotlead61, that doesn’t mean such action can’t also be fun — so he helpfully offers to organize a contest for Freepers to murder Robinson’s critics.
The list of said critics certainly won’t include us. For our part, we think Jim Robinson’s manifesto is an instant classic — wouldn’t change a thing. Our favorite bit — the unilateral repeal of Constitutional amendments on the basis of absolutely zero in the way of actual Constitutional process — alone shoots this one to the very top of the wingnut manifesto pantheon, toppling this awful piece of shit.
And we never, ever thought that could happen.
so that you might all rise up in your tens*
* binary configuration
Fixed your post.
Along very similar lines:
This has been the vexing problem of revolutionaries throughout history.
Jesus, these people. Warrantless wiretapping, habeas denied to citizens, innocent people raped and tortured to death are nothing to them, but try to have an adult, open debate on healthcare? OMG BLACK HITLER’S USURPER COMMUNISM WILL KILL US ALL.
But no! wait! Its a trap!
Using what I learned in GOP Econ 101, the more you cut taxes, the less money the government gets, and the more the economy grows and then the revenues of the government increase. With me so far? This is a law as proven as gravitiy.
If we eliminate ALL the taxes and the IRS, we will be giving NO money to the government, which means THE GOVERNMENT WILL HAVE ALL THE MONEY!!
Think about it people! Jim Robinson is the ultimate socialist!
That reads like a coup without any of the effort. Figures.
You gotta Love how Christians always Capitalize any Important words.
It certainly doesn’t Make me want to Stab out my Eyes.
That reads like a coup without any of the effort. Figures.
It’s called “going Galled”.
The Wolverines wouldn’t take that shit lying down! They would totally take back McDonald’s from the Russkies!
WOLVEREEEEEEEEEEEENS!
Why do they hate America?
All I gotta say is, bring it on you buncha powerless nitwit right wing shit-heads.
Number of tea party attendees: Roughly half a million.
Number of members of the US armed forces: About a million.
Number of members of the US armed forces who would willingly, gleefully even, mow down those fat stupid fuckers with a machine gun as soon as they start any shit: Enough.
I hereby dissolve all baryons and leptons.
Problem solved.
Er, the 17th Amendment? The answer to unaccountable government is to revoke the direct election of senators?
OK, no bullshit- what the fuck is this:
referring to?
Whenever my wingnut uncle starts raving about the government taking his freedoms away, I just start asking him “What freedoms have they taken from you?” over and over again, until he finally admits that they haven’t actually done anything, but they COULD! AND THEY WANT TO! I JUST KNOW IT!
In one of these situations, he framed the tax incentives you get from buying a hybrid as “the government forcing you to buy a certain type of car”. Given that construction, what imagined offense might this guy be talking about, specifically?
OMFG, they are fucking everywhere!!!
Hillary? PUMAS!!!!
‘One of the concerns that I’ve expressed, is getting us all in one place. With the insanity going on, what in your opinion, would prevent this monster from calling in armed troops/thugs and killing us, or at the very least, herding us into prisons where we would never see the light of day again?’ frets Outlaw Woman.
The omelette and eggs again – Outlaw Woman, the
wingnutpatriot population of the U.S. is such an overwhelming majority that the deaths of a mere million constitute a trivial sacrifice for making such an important point.What, only six months of Obama and the Constitution is so shredded Robinson can’t even capitalize it anymore?
I hereby revoke the every single Freepers’ citizenship, and, hereby, make them citizens of Ghana, hereby, and hereby use my newfound special powers to declare no take-backsies!!! Hereby!
I think I might donate a little sump’m-sump’m to Jimbo’s little he-man pillow fort project. The more time and energy they spend on Revolution 2: Rise of the TruckNutz the less time they have for issue agitation, organizing, and finding/training candidates.
This statement is extremely revealing of what kind of actual courage these big fat mouths possess.
How many times have literally MILLIONS of liberal citizens put themselves in front of tear-gas armed riot police to say NO to some Bush madness?
I don’t understand the whole “contest” exchange between the Freepi. It reads like they want to kill each other, then they tattle on each other to RimJob about who threatened who first.
Are they the “traitors”? Or are libruls the traitors? So confused…
With the insanity going on, what in your opinion, would prevent this monster from calling in armed troops/thugs and killing us, or at the very least, herding us into prisons
Umm…just guessing, but maybe Ronnie Reagan’s initiative to close the nut-houses and let the crazies out on the street?
If we could get millions of Americans to march on Washington, what would we do?
Try it, because I bet you couldn’t. Anyway, the population is over 300 million, how many would need to march against your idiotic notions before you’d shut the fuck up?
It cannot be denied that the central government has become destructive of our unalienable rights to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness and our rights to live free.
It can be denied: I deny it. Being butthurt doesn’t mean you’ve lost any rights.
Therefore, We the People of America choose to exercise our right to throw off and alter the abusive government by peacefully recalling and removing from office the President of the United States, the Vice President of the United States and all U.S. Senators and U.S. Representatives effective immediately.
We the people my ass. You and your tiny, crazy, butthurt minority lost a legal fucking election. Remember when losing elections had consequences? One of those consequences is that the losers don’t get to declare they won times infinity, that the winners must give you the ball and go home, and that the rules aren’t what 2/3 of both houses of Congress and 3/4 of the states have ratified but whatever you and your junior league decide.
And the capitalization of any and all “FR” letter sequences – what is this, some kinda sooper-sekret KLan Kode?
This snark wins the internet for today. Shut the rest of it down. Everyone go outside and take a walk while meditating on this:
Not going to fake it anymore, indeed. “Mah batshit crazy ideas aren’t popular! We’re going to have a popular revolution to correct this!”
If we could get millions of Americans to march on Washington, what would we do?
Fail.
I hereby repeal non-delicious pie.
YAY! DELICIOUS PIE FOR ALL!
In one of these situations, he framed the tax incentives you get from buying a hybrid as “the government forcing you to buy a certain type of car”. Given that construction, what imagined offense might this guy be talking about, specifically?
So ExxonMobil is forced to drill for oil in the Gulf and banks were forced to lend to minorities and I’m forced to buy a house for the mortgage interest deduction and forced to get sick to deduct medical expenses and forced to give to charity and forced to…
Djur — You’re right about the 17th amendment, and that’s like a fail-cherry on top of the cupcake-of-fail.
Then again, there’s this strange undercurrent of fascism to a certain strain of libertarianism. Do you suppose that it is that rather than a slip-up?
The PUMA-Freeper “connection” could be big. As big as the freemason-templar connection that so many deliciously crazy conspiracies are built on. One of these days, I’m going to build Abulafia out of javascript and let people get there own semi-randomized conspiracy from it. It’ll be sweet.
The YUMMY CAKE patriots will never stand for the tyranny of your DELICIOUS PIE.
This snark wins the internet for today.
I know. All I had was some dumb PUMA joke. Even in the face of this extraordinary piece of Freepi crazy – I ain’t gots nothing to add that wouldn’t seem like pissing my own pants compared to D.A.’s prose.
These are the saddest clowns of all.
I ain’t gots nothing to add…
No, wait. I do got something to say-
PENIS.
Maybe we can provide a homeland for them in Idaho, an autonomous region where they can be free of burdensome taxes, infrastructure, society. They gasp about the camps, but wouldn’t a Vaterland free from scary Negros and accordion-loving Latinos be their fondest wish? Hell, they could keep their guns, and their trans-fats, and do whatever pleases them.
They could even have a tourism industry, in which foreigners can pay to snap pictures of them in their native finery and listen to their plaintive folksongs.
Well, just after emerging from the basement/bunker, I imagine they would wince and wonder what that burning bright thing was in the sky.
Alice Donut to sue for copyright infringement:
http://www.amazon.com/Revenge-Fantasies-Impotent-Alice-Donut/dp/B000000F80
They could even have a tourism industry, in which foreigners can pay to snap pictures of them in their native finery and listen to their plaintive folksongs.
We could call it “Little Big Ass”
Maybe we can provide a homeland for them in Idaho…
Not bad. But don’t use any of the potato-growing land for this.
I imagine that the wingnut reservation would be like David Cross’ New Freeland from Mr. Show:
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/b5108dcd4a/new-freeland-from-mrshow_fan
w!n.
Best comment from the FReepers:
Wolver-fucking-rines.
Not bad. But don’t use any of the potato-growing land for this.
There’s an old Yiddish curse that goes something like “May you grow like an onion with your head in the ground and your ass sticking up in the air”
I’m going to build Abulafia out of javascript
</orgasm>
What would be cool is if, like how Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups magically appear whenever a chocolate bar falls into a jar of peanut butter, Jim’s little screed and Raymond’s Anti-Idiotarian Manifesto combined somehow to form the uber-wingnut manifesto with extra heapings of faux-archaic rhetorical geekery… and it would totally open like this:
WHEREBY we have hereby reached the point whereas the moonbat government’s long train of abuses and usurpations [sic] has achieved absolute Despotism, and;
WHEREBY the ‘root cause’ of Islamo-communo-fascist Acorno-terrorism lies in the animating politico-religious ideas of fundamentalist Alinskyian Jihado-teleprompterism and not in any significant respect elsewhere, and that a central aim of the War Against Birth Certificate Forgerianism must be to displace and discredit those animating ideas;
WE THEREFORE DECLARE hereby and wherefore that the Very Pillars Of Valhalla doth shake with Our Patriotic Fury and sooth, so shall the Vexations of Our Lamentations be heard in the frosty reaches of Titan herself and other Cruel Moons, forthwith and hereby and whereas and forsooth shall the Hounds of Hell’s Ninth and Most Unpleasant Circle be loosed upon every last Traitor in the Land, be they Orc or Goblin or San Francisco Democrat or Voluptuous Breast-Plated Amazon Warrior Queen Straddling A Dragon.
Maybe we can provide a homeland for them in Idaho…
A perfect location for the new “Fattest People In America” museum.
sooth and forsooth.
well played.
Well said! More Scroll!!!11!1
Voluptuous Breast-Plated Amazon Warrior Queen Straddling A Dragon.
Ideas, website, newsletter…yaddayaddayadda…
…and that a central aim of the War Against Birth Certificate Forgerianism…
Not helping with the sense of inadequacy associated with commenting on this thread.
Voluptuous Breast-Plated Amazon Warrior Queen Straddling A Dragon
Ideas interests me… newsletter.
“You got your teabagger in my wingnut!”
“No, you got your wingnut in my teabagger!”
By the by, I love the wingnut idea of Time: 6 months of Obama=eons of oppression and leftist calumny, etc. etc.
I’m sitting in a luxury hotel in Paris, wearing nothing but a fluffy terry-cloth bathrobe, and drinking French wine.
Yeah.
Needs more chuckwagons.
Seriously folks, if treason is “Levying War against the United States”, if this isn’t it, what is?
Reverend, it’s peaceful. You know, like Alger Hiss.
The h!ts keep on coming…
By the by, I love the wingnut idea of Time: 6 months of Obama=eons of oppression and leftist calumny, etc. etc.
From the people who brought you Young Earth Creationism…
Seriously folks, if treason is “Levying War against the United States”, if this isn’t it, what is?
Hey, they said it would be a PEACEFUL total overthrow of the entire government right there at the beginning! They wrote it so that makes it so!
By the by, I love the wingnut idea of Time: 6 months of Obama=eons of oppression and leftist calumny, etc. etc.
It’s a side effect of being unable to remember clearly even the last sentence you just said. Glenn Beck’s free-associating rants are a great example.
Long-term memory is limited, among the wingtards, almost entirely to “RAEGEN WAS GRAT” and “COMMIEZ WUZ BAD.”
For at least 5 of the last 6,000 years since our Earth was created, We have had to suffer under the heavy, cruel yoke of Omabafacist Leftist Tryanny…..ENOUFF!!
Maybe we can provide a homeland for them in Idaho…
Not bad. But don’t use any of the potato-growing land for this.
Open-pit mines. No need for a perimeter fence, as they’ll never be able to scale their way out.
Can’t they just have Oklahoma?
T4toby must be from Texas.
Oh, come on, man – “freemason-templar” is SO last century. Everybody knows it’s the Bavarian Illuminati/Trilateral Commission/Bohemian Grove connection that runs everything now. Jeez…
Somehow the Revolutionary Communist Party is in on it with the Bohemians… I just KNOW it…
Close, Paul. I grew up in Kansas.
Ah, so…
And Oklahoma is mostly wasteland and we don’t have to risk giving up our potatoes.
What, no love anymore for the Bildebergers?
mmmm….potatoes
D. Aristophanes, please, please, please — write the manifesto. This is your Holy Quest.
We should post it on FreeRepublic and send it to Fox News and see how many suckers think it’s the real thing…
My favorite game for the last 8 long years, has been “What if a Democrat had done that?” You can take your pick from the most egregious (“What if a Democratic president had lied us into an unjustified war?”) to the most trivial (“What if Bill Clinton had given the female head of a major NATO ally an impromptu neck rub?”). Then just sit back and imagine the outrage from the likes of Limbaugh, O’Reilly, etc. Now try this: What if, in, say, 2003 or 2004, someone like Moveon.org or Kos had published a similar manifesto on its website? Even if it had been some pseudonymous rant buried somewhere in the middle of an open comment thread, The Righteous Gasbags would be demanding that the author be arrested for treason, shot by a firing squad, then tried, convicted, tortured, drawn, quartered, hanged and then shot again.
Wow, it’s the blueprint for a perfect 18th century Republic!
It’s a side effect of being unable to remember clearly even the last sentence you just said. Glenn Beck’s free-associating rants are a great example.
Long-term memory is limited, among the wingtards, almost entirely to “RAEGEN WAS GRAT” and “COMMIEZ WUZ BAD.”
Well, the whole “the world is 6,000 years old” doesn’t help them much here either.
‘One of the concerns that I’ve expressed, is getting us all in one place. With the insanity going on, what in your opinion, would prevent this monster from calling in armed troops/thugs and killing us, or at the very least, herding us into prisons where we would never see the light of day again?’ frets Outlaw Woman.
Funny, I don’t recall freepers being upset at the prospect of indefinite detention when it was their lad in charge. Didn’t they want to “double Gitmo?”
Oh, and OMFG OBAMA IS teh HITLORZ!
The Righteous Gasbags would be demanding that the author be arrested for treason, shot by a firing squad, then tried, convicted, tortured, drawn, quartered, hanged and then shot again.
More to the point, their media arm would be asking every elected Dem politician from dog catcher on up to go on the record about whether they agree or disagree with that bullshit. That’s the part we’ve yet to perfect, and until we start making the Wingnut politicians explicitly and publicly embrace or reject Teh Crazy they’ll keep having their cake and eating it too.
Rip Taylor?
BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHHAAA!
Oh my fucking God, these guys really can’t stand the thought of a black guy as President, can they?
Orson Beane?
“Try and Guess WHO I AM? ”
I dunno? A total fucking idiot?
Exactly, Kingubu! That is the patented Hannity method, in particular: Take a quote from some fringe figure, or some out-of-context snippet from a comment someone might have made years ago, on a totally unrelated topic, then DEMAND!!! that whoever was being interviewed either endorse or condemn the remark.
Actually, you have to admit, a pretty brilliant tactic, and it is one we should adopt.
Roger Daltrey?
Steerpike, is your screenname from the Gormanghast novels? Because that would just make your comments that muchh more awesome.
Bebe Rebozo?
Lew Alcindor?
Yes, Tommmcatt. Gormenghast is just about my fave of all time. Thanks for catching it
Guy Lombardo?
Vera Rhuba Ralston?
Ute Lemper!
– Mae West?
– Lassie?
– a Child Foretold who has yet to be born of woman?
Now that I am on the South Beach Diet, I am perfectly willing to give up Idaho’s potato fields for the Wingnut Heimat/Gulag.
Ric Flair?
– Frank Minghella?
and listen to their plaintive folksongs.
I don’t care how much socialized health care you give me, I AIN’T gonna listen to em sing.
I became very close to my mother, as my father showed no interest in me. My mother died at an early age from cancer.
Rules out Obama.
Gordon Moore? No? Robert Noyce?
Are we getting warm?
Theda Bara?
Famed drag queen Hattie Hathaway?
Galactus?
Amy Alkon?
Daryl Strawberry?
The 1986 Mets?
It is TOTALLY Amy Alkon. Gotta be.
Later in life, questions arose over my real name.
Megan McArdle?
HTML Mencken?
Jesus?
No wait, his book was ghost written.
Doctor Scott?
Lew Alcindor?
I think he’s great but my dad says he doesn’t work hard enough on defense.
I’m sitting in a luxury hotel in Paris, wearing nothing but a fluffy terry-cloth bathrobe, and drinking French wine.
Hey!! Me too!!
except for the Paris thing. And the luxury hotel, of course.
and the wine is California.
but the terry cloth robe!!
..actually, no. Just naked.
Could it be … SATAN?!?!?
On second thought, my favorite bit in the Robinson rant is the two words at the end of the first passage quoted above: ‘effective immediately’.
I think everyone should e-mail him with that passage quoted and the question – ‘Is it immediately yet Jim?’ … over and over and over and over.
Michael G.,
I’m going to build Abulafia out of javascript
What tigrismus said. Times 36. With random Hebrew letters.
What I don’t get is that if RimJob has the power to repeal Constitutional amendments just by asserting it, what does he need the million-wingnut march for?
I think it’s Gord the Rogue and, hey, Maine potatoes are good and plentiful.
I think he’s great but my dad says he doesn’t work hard enough on defense.
OMFG! Please, Obama Hitler Jabbar … don’t order the fish when you fly!
I’m so glad I chose to be on this side. The contrast between their Esperanto ravings and the casual, effortless brilliance on display in this thread would make me fucking kill myself if I were one of them.
Well, that’s assuming I’d even understand what the hell was going on, so never mind.
Hitler’s father is also described as “sort-tempered,” he married for money, and left his first wife when she got ill, having already begun an affair with a pretty young thing. So I’m thinking Megan McCain.
..actually, no. Just naked.
They didn’t have the decency to bury you with a shroud?
Damn socialized funerary services…
WOLVERINES!!!!!!!!HYENAS!!!!What I don’t get is that if RimJob has the power to repeal Constitutional amendments just by asserting it, what does he need the million-wingnut march for?
Address my adoring darkling throng, Libs!
“adoring darkling throng”
More like “malodorous dorkling throng.” This is freepertrash we’re talking about here.
Fantasy freepertrash! Also, they have kids with little signs that say “STOP TAXING ME” and “I AM A PAWN IN MOMMY’S POLITICAL PERSECUTION FANTASIES”.
Drinking, Bastard. I’m Drinking, here.
Besides, and to derail this thread back into zombie lore, as someone pointed out earlier but I can’t be arsed to link for it, because seriously, drinking here; as someone pointed out it’s pretty difficult to get out of a coffin and dig your way out of the ground, also Mythbusters did that one and it didn’t work, so you’re presuming I was buried and I shouldn’t have to tell you how much of a leap that is, and besides, what’s wrong with an all-natural zombie?
Besides, drinking, you know.
AND I capitalized that damn Drinking on purpose.
I was born in one country, raised in another. My father was born in another country.
Adolf and Alois were both born and raised in Austria. Also, Alois didn’t abandon Adolf, he beat him.
Sounds like Dubya to me…
Fixed.
Ye, gods, if we could but harness the power of such irony . . . you’d have to invent whole new measurement units just to quantify it.
1 Freep = 50,000 kW-h
Traudl Junge?
Tuco Ramirez?
Those people can’t even make it to first the 1/4 mile marker in The Mall.
Mitzi Gaynor!
Drinking, Bastard. I’m Drinking, here
Drinking naked… you’re my kind of zombie!
Also, Alois didn’t abandon Adolf, he beat him.
I just found this takedown of primo cobag Orson Scott Card a few days ago.
Back to Lovecraft’s ghouls “meeping and glibbering” (being OCD about HPL, even though I’ve never played CoC, I re-read the pertinent parts of DQoUK last night)- we all know that conservatives are ghouls, so we can define these terms.
“Meeping” is a portmanteau word composed of “me” and “sheep”, it refers to characterizations that one is acting in one’s self-interest while one is actually acting on behalf of the one’s exploiters. The prime example of meeping is Not-Joe the Not-Plumber’s tirade against his strawman characterization of BHO’s tax proposals.
“Glibbering” is a portmanteau composed of “glib” and “gibbering”, and refers to a not-quite-facile manipulation of words in order to distort their definition so a given word can be applied to one’s opponents, no matter how inappropriate. The prime example of “glibbering” is DP’s Liberal Fascism.
This is like Michael Scott walking into the office and shouting, “I declare…BANKRUPTCY!!!!” The question is this: who will play the Oscar role and explain to these yahoos how the Constitution is actually amended?
I guess that something like this could happen over the course of the next couple of years, but could someone please explain to me what the hell they’re talking about? Did I miss something during the last six months? Have we already started herding the wingnuts into the FEMA re-education camps without my being able to get in on it?
Tallulah Vidalia?
Adore my headdress dangling thong, libs!
If we could get millions of Americans to march on Washington…
Your party would have won the election.
Case Closed
Brian Boitano is the quiz person.
This is a very funny thread. The Original post is a true classic of teh wingnutz. One can just imagine all 12 of them “hut hut hutting” down Pennsylvania Avenue only to collapse exhausted after 25 yards and some bemused cop having to call for medics.
Obama is a monsta
…Hitler’s father is also described as “sort-tempered,”
…everyone who agrees, go stand over next to the fence. The rest of you, divide into groups based on the color of your pants.
DAMMIT, ckc, I saw that 10 minutes too late to correct it and I was hoping nobody would notice. I shake my tiny fist at you. Bastidge.
Mitt Romney, of course.
what was the question?
Tigrismus suuuuure knows a lot about HITLER.
His folks were part of some Branch Divdorkian variety of Mormanism down Mexico way. And Mormans aren’t Christians. Such as.
And I spell Mormons “Mormans” cause it’s more homoerotic that way.
…I was hoping nobody would notice
I may not have much to say, but I AM picky!
as someone pointed out it’s pretty difficult to get out of a coffin and dig your way out of the ground, also Mythbusters did that one and it didn’t work[…]
The kind folks at Burr Oak Cemetery in Alsip, IL will glady dig you up. I’m sure there’s a grave robber somewhere near you that could help you out.
I, uh, read a book once. No, wait… Wikipedia. That’s it, yeah.
Panzermus!
…not picky to the point of actually knowing stuff!! ppffft!
Via Big Orange Satan:
Ruh Roh!
I love how he prefaces it with “God forbid!” while he’s clearly:
a. pitching a tent
b. putting the bug in some “fringe” figure’s ear
WP’z eatin’ mah links!!!
http://rightwingwatch.org/content/randall-terry-warns-random-acts-violence
Address my annulated dingling bong, libs!
“actor212 said,
Vera Rhuba Ralston?”
Actually it’s better than that. It’s Hruba.
Zasu Pitts?
Boris Vallejo?
Oh oh oh oh oh oh … it’s Gary Gygax. Has to be.
Zasu Pitts?
Pazuzu Pitts?
Address my postcard, libs!
In the porn industry this is known as the money shot.
Lash Larue?
Liza Minelli?
In the porn industry this is known as the money shot.
Oh baby, rip up my constitution.
Sarah Palin?
Those comments are comedy gold, my two favorites (so far):
If they socialize medicine in the United States it won’t matter if there is a second-coming of Reagan. We will all serve under the umbrella of the hard-left by default at that point.
and
Obama would/will declare ‘Marshal Law’ and move to remove (with force or shooting) all involved with such a up rising.
“Bookmark this” indeed!
A dress. My post. Libs.
Marshal Law is hardcore! Not like that wussy Jude.
Marshal Law: This Tyme It’s Pursunul
Yngwie’s better.
kingubu – Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes…
A dress. My post. Libs.
A rebus!!!!
More Freepy goodness (no doubt this statement is true, but not for the reasons he thinks it is):
And I did not threaten you. You called me a coward, and I said, “Make no mistakes Buckwheat, lock the two of us in a phone booth and you’d be the one begging for mercy.”
You guys can make fun of Marshal Law all you want. But he’s still a tough bastard to beat in Tekken.
Have we already started herding the wingnuts into the FEMA re-education camps without my being able to get in on it?
Yes, in the same way that their taxes have all been raised. As in, it hasn’t happened, but it’s the kind of thing liberals would do, so it might as well have happened.
Marshall Law:
Hey, Buffy got out of her coffin and clawed her way six feet up and subsequently kicked some demon ass. What was the question? Gah. I can’t remember. But Buffy is nearly always the answer.
But Buffy is nearly always the answer.
For me, the answer was Ms. Calendar. Rrrrrr.
John Hawkins pwns himself:
3 Reasons Why A Successful Third Party Wouldn’t Solve Anything
1. It wouldn’t be successful.
2. It wouldn’t be a party.
3. It wouldn’t offer solutions.
4. PROFIT!
OT, but Charles Krauthammer was just on Fox after Obama’s press conference. Ugh ugh ugh, but he is the ugliest motherfucker on Earth. He looks like what happens when a viper does it with a poison toad.
He looks like what happens when a viper does it with a poison toad.
When a snake shoots a load
In a poisonous toad,
That’s Amoré!
Be nice! Charles Krauthammer was somebody’s afterbirth once!
Good presser. I like how he keeps reminding everyone that he inherited a big shitty mess, including the giant deficit. Wingnuts don’t like being reminded of that, which is why they like to pretend it all started on 1/20/09.
why they like to pretend it all started on 1/20/09.
Well after WWII when St. Ronald Reagan and George H W Bush beat the Nazis and the Communists there was a long period known as The Good Old days which finished when the Cintonistas took over and destroyed the goodness of Narnamerica. Luckily God came along and saw it and swept the evil ones away leaving GW Bush and the forces of righteousness in power.
But then an evil ursurper, from Kenya, won an illegal election and now our butts hurt
Hey I hope I’m not disturbing you guys but I just wanted to say on behalf of the legion of SadlyNo lurkers, those of us who are devoted readers of SN but who are too snark-challenged to comment, and even when we do, it usually ends up sounding really dumb and being the last comment on the thread or else cool regulars like actor212 and zombie dude just scroll past it leaving it bereft like an orphan in the middle of a desolate sea and shit. Just like fucking high school. Oh but listen that’s not what I’m writing this for. I mean i just wanted to say that you all are so damn funny and I really love the posts and comment threads, but really would it hurt one of you to pat a little lurker pickaninny on da head every once and acknowledge one of our pathetic attempts at tryin to be hip like you all (like this thing for ex!!!) Ok so I’m sorry to have bothered you and I’ll go away now and thanks for reading this (or probably not, no i understand, not to worry, no really it’s cool)
Speaking also as someone who’s only been around for a week FUCK ALL OF YOU SNOOTY ELITISTS!
Designated – it is high school. Do my French verb work and I’ll stand next to you on the cafeteria line.
Neglected by his father, close to his mother, born in a different country to where he was raised, converted to Christianity, changed careers as a young man, worked with poor and lower-class people, name and birth records sketchy, book claiming to be a chronicle of his struggles…
I know! It’s JESUS!
Designated Spokesperson For The Lurkers said,
…cool regulars like… zombie dude
Oh, come ON.
with the number of threads I’ve sidetracked, I am probably one step away from Tintin smackin me with the banhammer.
wldn’t t be swt rn fr zmb t b dsmvwlld?
You’d be moaning in some kinda slavic language. Or maybe Welsh.
He doesnt seem to be editing his draft. I hope keeps at it. But I imagine his manifesto is exhausting work and he will be onto something new tomorrow.
LOL FREEPERHOIDS
A teeny-tiny part of me (like, quantum-physics-scale teeny-tiny) actually feels sorry for the Freeper Nation – man oh man, it just has to suck like a turbocharged ShopVac to know that your title of honor is also synonymous with “underhanded ratfucking” – damn, they may as well call their website “quislings.org” … never mind the whole Spiritual-PTSD-Run-Amok thing with having a blaaaaaaaaaaaack President.
Funny how our trolls seem to’ve found somewhere else to be, just all on a sudden like, n’est-ce que pas? I’d bet dollars to dangleberries that Big Jim &/or his minions have already tracked this post’s reference to his syphilitic mewlings – & that nary a one of them will say jack-shit in response. Like any other InterNetTuffGuy™, they usually know when to come out swinging & when to STFU, from bitter experience. They can shovel this guano all night & day – they just can’t back any of it up IRL. Which is central to their point, libz!
My oh my, how the times they are a-changin’ in Freeptown. Whatever happened to “if you’re innocent you have nothing to fear”?
Male Marie Jon’
Male Marie Jon’ talking (warning: graphic (in a bad way))
BRNSSSS!
Subbie McG:
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH LEFTOUS BUBBA?
Male Marie Jon’
Kitty in the first picture! AWWW!
Designated Lurker: I said pretty much the same thing upthread. These are the best threads on the internets, no question. It’s like the allstars from all the other sites come here when they want real game.
Personally, I don’t try to compete. If I feel like saying something, I bloody well say it, brilliant or not. I would encourage you to do the same.
WHAT DID YOU DO WITH LEFTOUS BUBBA?
Bubba left us.
Also, MST SHT ZMBS N TH HD! also
Ewwwww. And the zombie might bite your butt.
I’m starting to dislike N_________B. It’s like he’s got a grudge against zombies. Always with the shotguns and the cricket bats and the lawnmowers and the vinyl records.
But hey, I’m an architect. Not like he would be the first engineer I had to take out.
regards to funny shit: I use the deluge strategery. I throw enough comments out there, once in a while I unearth a nugget of meager humor, like a kernel of corn in a big ol pile of….
…..wait for it…..
….POOP!
And such as.
Try and Guess WHO I AM?
It’s gotta be Hedy Lamarr.
WF
Thanks, Designated Lurker. My sentiments exactly (duly posted at the bottom of a thread where no one will ever, ever read it).
I’m starting to dislike N_________B
You dislike me but you’re attracted to my expanding and throbbing underscore.
But hey, I’m an architect. Not like he would be the first engineer I had to take out.
Intramural hockey, 25 years ago…the most violent team in our league – named The Reamers – was composed entirely of architecture students. I watched them beat the crap out of a team of math majors – the Eulers – while scouting for our upcoming game. The next we won 4-3 on four power-play goals. It turned out that the architects weren’t quite up on the concept of slanging, and our innocent little jibes (Hey asshole, your fly’s open.) caused them psychic pain. enough that they kept high-sticking us.
Lurker, say that you did get invited to the cool kid’s table. You would suddenly start having lots of money for clothes and be much more attractive, although in a slightly porn star way that is a little disturbing on a 15-year-old, but then your old friends would keep on lurking in the background, only showing up during montages and making you feel a little guilty. Then eventually something terrible would happen and you would realize what a horrible little shit you turned into once you became popular, and your real friends would turn out to be the people from the beginning, even though they hated you for awhile, so in the end you would go back to being a nerdy lurker, only for some reason you would get to keep the clothes and makeup.
Now I ask you, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
It’s gotta be Hedy Lamarr.
That’s HEDLEY!
I don’t get it: Why not “2 Cool 2B 4got10? It’s inconsistent otherwise.
LURKER’S MANIFESTO.
“If we could get millions of Americans to post on a blog, what would we do?”
Nothing as lame-o as repealing the 17th amendment, I bet.
I believe believe we should encourage more sad, pathetic, and unfunny posters.
Thanks, Designated Lurker. My sentiments exactly (duly posted at the bottom of a thread where no one will ever, ever read it).
This writing business. Pencils and what-not. Over-rated, if you ask me. Silly stuff. Nothing in it.
I double believe it.
No Give and Take. No Exchange of Thought. It gets you nowhere, particularly if the other person’s tail is only just in sight for the second half of the conversation.
I believe believe we should encourage more sad, pathetic, and unfunny posters.
Okay okay. Is is this this good good enough enough??
Thank you, Pooh,” answered Eeyore. “You’re a real friend,” said he. “Not Like Some,” he said.
Eeyore, the old grey Donkey, stood by the side of the stream, and looked at himself in the water.
“Pathetic,” he said. “That’s what it is. Pathetic.”
He turned and walked slowly down the stream for twenty yards, splashed across it, and walked slowly back on the other side. Then he looked at himself in the water again.
“As I thought,” he said. “No better from this side. But nobody minds. Nobody cares. Pathetic, that’s what it is.”
I believe believe we should encourage more sad, pathetic, and unfunny posters.
For fuck’s sake, McG, I’m doing what I can….
Oh lord, I hadn’t thought of that. That is LOW.
and I am pathetic enough that a friggin ENGINEER caught the doublet in McG’s post, and I missed it.
Sheesh. Now I have to take back all the bad things I said about N—-B and he’ll probably want to take a hockey stick to my noggin also.
The trolls overcome not being funny be being so unusually not funny that we are shocked and drop troll treats.
Have you tried that? Do you like troll treats?
I can’t believe that I actually scrolled down to the bottom of the now-surpassed second-place-wingnut-whacko-call-to-arms but I did, and found this delightful typo:
“manfesto”…
as in
“You can support the manfesto….”
Exactly so. A Manly Man manfesto to galvanize (literally, to coat (iron or steel) with rust-resistant zinc) manly men (and womanly women?–ed.) into stiff legged motion as they swing their zinc coated legs into an awkward cadence as the breast the last rise that brings Our Nation’s Capital into view.
to be honest, I was not aware of McG. But Substance mcWhatevs is just such a pain to type out.
But seriously – Revenge Of The Nerds? A REMAKE???
I am sending associates to eat his brains as soon as possible. Although, admittedly, that might not slow him down.
Everyone loves typing S and M. Especially in the middle of a manfesto.
Festivus for the manfesto ‘f us
how about we just call you Subbie?
How will they motivate the troops to do all that marching? Cheeto bags on sticks?
Mothra?
I’m new here and they pick on me!!!
little lurker pickaninny
Not to slap a lurker down or anything, but is anybody else just a little muckled by this descriptor?
Maybe next time pick a less …. umm, charged term? Just saying.
Maybe I should go hang at Shakespeare’s Sister….
How about you change your nym, Subbie?
something less obnoxious, like Johnny Gimp-mask the Coprophage?
Shakespeare’s Sister is a trigger for me.
The M is uncapitalized, so no, never.
I’m too much of a lazy twat to read all the comments here, but has anyone plucked this gleaming jewel from among the gems in the Ur-Freep’s comments?
”If I’m marching on Washington, I’m gonna bear arms.”
I don’t think we’re at that point quite yet. We need to show up with toy guns or cardboard/foam ones first. One million angry Patriots holding fake evil black rifles held high over our heads screaming for their heads would literally scare the crap out of them.
The D.C. sewer system would clog up so tight that it would take a nuclear powered Roto-Rooter to clear the pipes.
If that didn’t work, THEN we take it to the next step.
Anybody else reveling in the insight this offers into the wingnut mind? The child-like desire to frighten people with fierce display is the least of it; there’s the infantile obsession with excrement as an emotional signifier, the “…toy guns or cardboard/foam ones,” which reveals the essential timidity of these people (“If they’re fake guns, nobody can arrest us, right?”) and also the obsessive/ compulsive attention to irrelevant detail (trying to suggest materials for making fake guns, as if this was a school play). The actual mental picture I get when I picture one million angry patriots (Patriots, sorry) holding fake evil black rifles held high over their heads just about slays me. If I were the DC police, I wouldn’t know whether to laugh until I puked, or shoot them.
And then, just when I think a comment can’t get any better, there’s If that didn’t work, THEN we take it to the next step. Ooooh, ferocious! Thunder on, Garth! Any guesses what the next step might be? Throwing fistfuls of loose tea in the air? Shouting “I hate you Mr. Poopy!” at the White House?
Also, Penis.
The child-like desire to frighten people with fierce display is the least of it
This may not be the least of it. Will they wear large masks to frighten the enemy demons? Perhaps large golden crosses as talismans? (…talismen? talipeople? whatever…) Play drums to send spirits back to the underworld? Wave their genitalia – such as they are – as a sign of warning?
I foresee many doctoral theses in sociology and anthropology in the making.
can’t believe that I actually scrolled down to the bottom of the now-surpassed second-place-wingnut-whacko-call-to-arms but I did, and found this delightful typo:
“manfesto”…
Try and Guess WHO I AM?
Lamont Cranston?
we should encourage more sad, pathetic, and unfunny posters
No need to make a fuss: I’m incorrigible.
… with a side-order of pesto!
The child-like desire to frighten people with fierce display
Grrr!!! GRRRRR!!!
Look at my Wienermobile!!! Grrr!
…beat the crap out of a team of math majors – the Eulers
…not from Edmonton, perchance?
What if millions of Furries marched on Washington? What then?
The constitutionality of yiffing.
Oh baby have you seen my manfesto?
Or: Try new Manfesto on your next wiener: Distilled miners sweat never tasted or smelt better.
Or:
Prospero; These three have robb’d me, and this demi-devil—
For he’s a bastard one—had plotted with them
To take my life. Two of these fellows you
Must know and own; this thing of darkness I
Acknowledge mine.
It’s my Manfesto
Areil: Exit chased by a bare Prospero
What if millions of Furries marched on Washington? What then?
An entire nation would recoil in horror.
…beat the crap out of a team of math majors
O, like that would be a challenge.
Although, to be perfectly honest about my fellow professionals, would probably be the best they could hope for. A well-disciplined quartet of Webelos could usually devastate a typical architect’s office.
weenies in black turtlenecks, that’s what I’m trying to communicate here.
…Shit, I think there’s a couple of other architects who hang out here.
O well, what, am I gonna endanger my future employment prospects? Fuck, who’s hiring?
For the win:
Another Freeper, lula, also expresses some reservations at first, but in the end, well, fuck it: ‘I would love for this to happen, but I’m afraid the unemployment would quadruple since so many work for the government. Then we would have riots and chaos, never the less where do I sign.’
I believe believe we should encourage more sad, pathetic, and unfunny posters.
You rang?
Jeebus. I can’t keep up with you people.
If I were the DC police, I wouldn’t know whether to laugh until I puked, or shoot them.
Ahh, you don’t know the DC police.
Shoot, then laugh. Puking may occur at any point during, before, or after.
Zombie rotton mc, at least you are not a surfing architect, like the ones I have to work with being resigned to living in a pacific socialistic paradise.
Also
Million man, manly POOP.
SURFING ZOMBIE ARCHITECTS!!
Speaking as another unfunny lurker, I find that a lot of it comes down to timing. I could have said something about the “Amazon queen straddling a dragon” bit, or about BBBB’s HP Lovecraft reference. But now it’s been too long, and wouldn’t be as funny.
markos moulitsas zuniga?
My komodo dragon just died relentlessly after almost 10 months – he was the nasty love of my cum-guzzling life. He fought that mink but couldn’t last. I blame the stories.
Unlike the Oakland Black Panthers, when they marched on Sacramento with real rifles, and fuck da man…
“The party first attracted attention in May 1967 when it protested a bill to outlaw carrying loaded weapons in public. Reporters quickly gathered around the contingent of protesters, who had marched on the California state capital in Sacramento armed with weapons and wearing the party’s distinctive black leather jackets and black berets. After Seale read a statement, police arrested him and 30 others.” [Encarta]
This certainly underscores one basic difference between radical leftist protesters and right wingnut “protesters”. One type has the courage of their convictions (a tradition that goes back to the Vietnam moratoriums, the civil rights marches, the union strikes of the 1930s, etc, etc, etc…) and the other are whiny-ass titty babies with toy rifles.
Also, BLACK penis.
SZA is a terrorist organ-zation!
PENIS
Say what you will. At least it’s an ethos.
Moselle the panther just died saturninely. He took a monolith to the skull and died immoderately some years thereafter. Moselle gave so much and asked so little in return.
The madder Lurk get, the unfunnier Lurk get! LURK SMASH PUNY THREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#
a weenie in a black turtleneck said,
July 23, 2009 at 6:54 (kill)
Say what you will. At least it’s an ethos.
..an ethos that can be ravaged by an asthmatic Girl scout, but yes, it’s an ethos.
Remember, two of the most well known architects are Wilbur, from Mr. Ed, and Mr. Brady.
As a dedicated Sadly, No! lurker, I can’t help but be overawed by wit and insight of D. Aristophanes. Never mind me, just go back to enjoying the posts and comments by D. Aristophanes!
Fuck, did I forget to change my nym?
As a dedicated Sadly, No! lurker, I can’t help but be overawed by wit and insight of D. Aristophanes. Never mind me, just go back to enjoying the posts and comments by D. Aristophanes!
I am D. Aristophanes!
LWIAHGODA – that’s very kind, but I am sure you are witty and insightful in your own way. But don’t you think you’d feel better about yourself at another table? You should go sit with some of the kids who are into math and stuff … I bet you’d fit right in over there. Also, are you going to eat your tots?
Hang ten little lurker, maybe zombie frank loyd wright will come and help your manly butt.
zombie im pei is totally eating the lurker’s brains right now
Zombie Howard Roark will blow up any second-hander’s brains before he eats them.
My father was a combat lurker, and the truth is, I can’t help but think that these “popular” posters are the true racists which we Appalachian Democrats are marching away from. Also. Have a tater tot.
you know, if these threads didn’t get so damn goofy, maybe the Mods would post more new material….
D. Aristophanes owes me money.
you know, if these threads didn’t get so damn goofy, maybe the Mods would post more new material….
Yeah, Wright.
Yesterday my reef shark Znoober died disjointedly. What he had was a crushed stomach and if I had the money he would have lived many more hours. Just this side of Vancouver is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When a reef shark dies that has been bellicosely close to someone here, that reef shark goes to Rainbow Bridge.
Subbie McG brings the goof, industrial-strength.
We need a Naughtyfesto!
Wehereby do declare snark the only accepted form of prose.
Wehereby do declared a ‘snicker without explanation’ a sufficient rebuttal.
Wehereby do declare!
Wehereby do declare that teh internets can only be won by Southern Hemisphere posters.
That would be pretty cool, actually.
That would be pretty cool, actually.
Washington, D.C. in August in 25 pounds of fake fur and a plastic head*?
Cool is not the word that comes to mind.
(* speculation based upon non-world events)
Still in Paris, still in a luxury hotel, still in the bathrobe, no longer drinking, but I have to say, Man you guys are funny!!
even the lurkers. Especially the lurkers.
Wehereby do declare that teh internets can only be won by Southern Hemisphere posters.
The two hemispheres are fundamentally at odds, y’know.
What’s squeezed out between those two hemispheres is the shit.
Ahnold?
I’d just like to say that these unkind words say as much about the author as they do about Hillary.
…even the lurkers. Especially the lurkers…
Lurkers of the World Unite and Take Ooovvvvvvverrrr!
As a dedicated Sadly, No! lurker, I can’t help but be overawed by wit and insight of D. Aristophanes. Never mind me, just go back to enjoying the posts and comments by !
Its days like this that I think over 80% of the comments are actually by the lurker formally known as D. Aristophanes
Well, it wasnt me.
BASHIR: Even the lurkers?
GARAK: Especially the lurkers.
No, I’ve got it, it’s Paula Abdul.
Fuck you.
And as for the WHO AM I?
John Galt?
The D.C. sewer system would clog up so tight that it would take a nuclear powered Roto-Rooter to clear the pipes.
Lexus, this the other weird thing about theses guys is their ‘scatological’ references. Who here, honestly,would know the make of the device that clears blocked shit from pipes, honestly? I’m pretty sure I have seen comments like this elsewhere on righty blogs. There must be a collective bowel problem over there, which can only have got worse since January.
If they ever did go into battle, all we would have to do is destroy there porta-potties, and victory would be ours….
…not from Edmonton, perchance?
Nope. They wore Edmonton colors, but as for the name: Euler. Geekalicious, no?
Remember, two of the most well known architects are Wilbur, from Mr. Ed, and Mr. Brady.
And Woody Harrelson from “Indecent Proposal.”
In Hollywood, architect = straight, yet sensitive. In real life, architect = metrosexual, without the fashion sense.
Who here, honestly,would know the make of the device that clears blocked shit from pipes, honestly?
Actually, I’d bet a lot of folks. It’s the jingle.
See? See?! Someone delurks and what happens? They get pelted with A.A. Milne quotes! Eeyore! Eeyore!!!
Which reminds me. Since the Freepi are all fixated with POOP; and seem to have it in ample quantities in their Depends; and have it for brains, what would a Zombie do?
I mean, Freepi would appear to be perfect zombie prey. They would gather in the mall. Or the Walmart. They would never look behind them. They would not notice zombies among them (especially the ones with Dale Earnhart hats).
But would a zombie eat their brains, being POOP and all?
A little help here? Anyone?
A little help here? Anyone?
I don’t want you to feel neglected, so I’ll answer from my vast experience as a virtual-zombie killer.
They don’t care what they eat. There are documented cases of zombies starving to death after eating a dozen mannequins.
SURFING ZOMBIE ARCHITECTS!!
Worst. Beach Boys track. Ever.
Also, POOP.
Washington, D.C. in August in 25 pounds of fake fur and a plastic head?
Seems to work for Eric Cantor.
Seems to work for Eric Cantor.
Who?
Oh. Mmmmmmmmmax Headroom…
My komodo dragon just died relentlessly after almost 10 months
When did its relent die?
“manfesto”…
Sounds like something you’d find on the menu at the Olive Garden on Castro.
There are documented cases of zombies starving to death after eating a dozen mannequins.
I’ve seen the Sally Struthers informercial, thanks.
It does not speak well of the sophistication level of my sense of humor that despite the brilliant and magnificent subtle wordplay of this epic thread that the one that totally destroyed me was
When a snake shoots a load
In a poisonous toad,
That’s Amoré!
a weenie in a black turtleneck said,
July 23, 2009 at 6:54
Wow! Steve Jobs lurks Sadly, No!
But would a zombie eat their brains, being POOP and all?
Why not? After all we do drink yeast poop. In fact, the image of paradise is a land of cow lactation and bee vomit.
Why not? After all we do drink yeast poop. In fact, the image of paradise is a land of cow lactation and bee vomit.
I’m having yeast POOP and cow ass for lunch. Probably with plant genitalia on the side.
After all we do drink yeast poop. In fact, the image of paradise is a land of cow lactation and bee vomit.
Fuck that! You breath flower poop.
… devoted readers of SN but who are too snark-challenged to comment, and even when we do, it usually ends up sounding really dumb and being the last comment on the thread or else cool regulars like actor212 and zombie dude just scroll past it leaving it bereft like an orphan in the middle of a desolate sea and shit.
Passive aggression? I call Canadian Zombie.
Beyond that, the one basic truism of all human societies (even ones organized around POOP, PENIS, Zombies, and Teh BUTTOCKS) is that if you manage to hang around long enough, people will assume that you’re supposed to be there and will be embarrassed to ask you to leave.
cool regulars like actor212 and zombie dude just scroll past it leaving it bereft like an orphan in the middle of a desolate sea and shit.
Wow. I’m cool!
KEWL!
(and note the irony that I picked up on the lurker’s lost comment and nursed it like it was my own child)
(h/t to Kingubu, or I would have missed it! 😀 )
if you manage to hang around long enough, people will assume that you’re supposed to be there and will be embarrassed to ask you to leave.
Hey, it worked with my parents!
Wow! Steve Jobs lurks Sadly, No!
But he’s only here for the organ transplant posts …
Wehereby do declare that teh internets can only be won by Southern Hemisphere posters.
I’ll tell you what – the antipodean that came here that one time and taught us the term ‘tucker fucker’ for the microwave won teh internets that day/month/year …
But he’s only here for the organ transplant posts …
What, they don’t have an app for that?
But he’s only here for the organ transplant posts …
Hey, who isn’t?
When a snake shoots a load
In a poisonous toad,
That’s Amoré!
When Mickey Kaus’ throat
Is lungs-deep in goat
That’s Amoré!
I can’t help but notice that they are not calling for the removal of Cabinet members, or Supreme Court justices, or any others who were appointed to their positions. Nope. Just elected officials. This is transparently just election butthurt (and you do not want to know what can be seen through transparent butthurt).
Also, why do they hate democracy? And such as.
When Mickey Kaus’ throat
Is lungs-deep in goat
That’s Amoré!
When a fish in the sea
Bites your leg to the knee
That’s a moray!
Oh, and “Eeyore” is a trigger for me. Just sayin’.
And thanks for the Zombie diet update. Valuable information.
O well, what, am I gonna endanger my future employment prospects?
“Don’t hire the dead weenie in the black turtleneck. WE’VE HEARD TALES…”
Speaking as another unfunny lurker, I find that a lot of it comes down to timing. I could have said something about the “Amazon queen straddling a dragon” bit, or about BBBB’s HP Lovecraft reference. But now it’s been too long, and wouldn’t be as funny.
Just include the text in italics so people know what you’re referring to, and go for it. Wait… DON’T JUDGE ME!
The two hemispheres are fundamentally at odds, y’know.
Those in the southern hemisphere have odd fundaments. Confess you’re as diagnosed, Libs.
The two hemispheres are fundamentally at odds, y’know.
Neil? Neil Peart?
is that if you manage to hang around long enough, people will assume that you’re supposed to be there and will be embarrassed to ask you to leave.
Hey!!
The two hemispheres are fundamentally at odds, y’know.
Neil? Neil Peart?
Of course, I could go for goose pate instead of a steak…
When 2 spirals intertwine
in a manner serpentine
that’s a moire!*
*blatantly stolen from Spider Robinson
Has zombie shop-talk replaced fun with the pun as the preferred method of S,N! thread death? (Mind you, I’m not complaining.)
Now, when we get to zombie punning, then we’ve reached critical mass in thread murderdeathkill.
This is transparently just election butthurt (and you do not want to know what can be seen through transparent butthurt).
You know, it’s funnier if you take a look at what they are actually proposing. Let’s put on the magical Freeper-world glasses (eeewww, smells like POOP) and track through the consequences of The Entire US Federal Government closing up shop, firing everyone, and then enacting the measure proposed by angry internets trolls.
1. Preznit “Interim CEO” Hillary.
2. “Interim Senate” elected by State Legislatures – ending up with a partisan make-up of 70D-30R.
3. New elections for the House. Polling (although this is dominated by “unbiased” Rasmussen) indicates > possible shrinkage of the Dem majority – but a Democratic majority nonetheless.
4. The entirety of the rest of the incoherent ranting is basically the Michele Bachmann Theory of the US Constitution. i.e. Despite their so-called Federalist position, they want to abolish any institution without a Constitutional basis (except the frigging ginormous standing army). Hey douchewads, Geithner even managed to answer this one correctly. All those institutions you’re railing against are authorized by your very own precious Article One – i.e. Acts of Congress.
So, net effect? 10 more Democratic senators at the expense of ten or so Democratic Representatives & Preznit Hillary. Somehow I don’t think this is going to slow Health Care reform down very much.
Actually, looking at it more closely, this is really all about throwing the bums out and burning this shit to the ground. There’s no real plan for afterwards, just anti-establishment nihlism. Sign me up!
10 more Democratic senators at the expense of ten or so Democratic Representatives & Preznit Hillary. Somehow I don’t think this is going to slow Health Care reform down very much.
PARADISE!
If only for watching the brainsplosions.
I’m thrown into fits
Choosing sides for my grits,
That’s ham or eggs.
Actually, looking at it more closely, this is really all about throwing the bums out and burning this shit to the ground. There’s no real plan for afterwards, just anti-establishment nihlism.
The thinking is that they then get to go out and shoot brown people patriotically.
Pardon me, but clearly, Manfesto! must always be spelled with an exclamation point. Also.
The idea of wingnuts parading down the Mall with an armload of foam guns made tears of joy (and blood) squirt out of my eyes.
I think it would be much more intimidating if they all armed themselves with potato(e) guns and marshmallow shooters painted black. Then they have snacks for when they get hungry. Also.
@Dragon-King Wangchuck:
Cue Tenacious D’s “City Hall.”
@Doc Washboard said,
The real horror is, government started talking about something other than warporn fantasies and made little war-fappers MAAAAD.
Yeah!!! Settin’ fuckin’ fires!!!! Seriously, I’m all in for the Freepi Man Feast.
Let’s burn some shit down! Seventeenth Amendment? Fuck that noize – the Constitution is Teh SUPREME LAW OF THE LAND!!!ones1 We’re gonna burn down all teh amendments. Burn ’em to the ground!
When a man
Bikes on by
In a white shirt and tie
That’s a Mormon.
When a right winger trys
To prove ‘Bama’s a lie
That’s a moran.
If we could get millions of Americans to march on Washington
Man lacks imagination. Why march, when they could all be riding magic ponies?
When two marshmallows wed
On a graham cracker bed
That’s a s’more gay
D’Oh!
Wow, that “Lurker Representative” was really a self-pitying whiner. Hell, I consider myself a n00b around here, and I have found the regulars to be a warm and welcoming bunch.
I can just imagine the Freeper march, in the heat of late-summer DC… they’ll be screaming for socialized medicine as quickly as one can say “heatstroke”.
When Freepi complain
About Blackie Hussein
That’s some more hate.
Welcome to the Information Age!
should be:
WELCOME TO THE MIS-INFORMATION AGE!!!
Try and Guess WHO I AM?
Alex Trebek?
“If we could get millions of Americans to march on Washington, what would we do?”
If I won the Powerball lottery, what would I do?
More to the point, when is Hollywood going to do the Jim Robinson story? Who’ll play him? I’m thinking John Goodman could do a good a credible JimRob. Maybe do a hybrid reality/comedy series on FR – ala ‘The Office’. Lets call it “The Basement’. We have to get Dwight Shrute written into this. Let the creative geniuses at FR supply the story lines. Here’s one of my personal favorites (perhaps the inspiration for JimRob’s screed?):
Patriot Action Plan
Posted on 11/08/2006 9:23:55 PM PST by samadams2000
1)Hug your conservative wife and conservative children. Jettison all liberal or Rino leaning children. 2) Buy more firearms and ammunition 3) Buy bullion ( Silver rounds appear to be best value) 4) Turn off your TV. Ingest no media other than FR. 5) Rediscover yourself, not in a washed out hippie looking at your life’s devastation way, but review your accomplishments. You are a valued member of FR society. 6) Obtain Crusade outfit/ Store 7) Buy a new American Flag 8) Read a book on the American revolution. Adams or Angle in the Whilwind. 9) Go to Barnes and Noble and take out all the subscription cards to Time and Newsweek and mail them in for processing. It costs them $4 to process each piece of litter. 10) Await The Call. Somebody important must step up and make it.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1735341/posts
You guys are bloody brilliant. Thanks for the laughs….