“Jerry Falwell and an army of conservative lawyers drew a line in the snow yesterday”

Was it yellow?

No, it was RED WITH THE BLOOD OF CHILDREN WHO WERE MASSACRED BY THE SECULARIST ARMIES OF DARKNESS!!!!

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

We’re already being fed the “Da Librulz wants to take away X-mas?” crap?

It comes earlier every year, I swear.

Vespa- YEah, Kaye Grogan has a… “hilarious” column about, it up right now.

Considering how much the Christofascists whine about repression, I’m thinking they should lose the tree and adopt the tradition of the Pule Log. (insert weak rimshot)

Oh, please, and these jerks were the impetus behind changing Halloween from a day when Satan was openly f?ted by sky-clad witches in elementary schools around the country to some namby pamby “Pumpkin Fest.” Put Satan back in Halloween and maybe we can talk, Jesusmas wackos, otherwise you can kiss my mistletoe.

It?s like calling a menorah a candle stick….

Hey dickwad, a menorah is a candlestick, and the Jews don’t need your help “keeping it sacred” or whatever pile of steaming horseshit you’re dishing out today. And if City Hall decided to call a publicly displayed menorah a “Holiday Candelabra,” I’d bet money that not one single Jew would object.

The whining of Christians about how oppressed they are reminds me of the whining of Republicans about how powerless they are despite controlling two of the three branches of government. Yes, you’re so fucking oppressed by the fact that we live in a pluralistic society where the government is prohibited by its foundational documents from backing your specific brand of magical thinking to the exclusion of all others. Shut up. Just shut up.

I like the holiday season. I really do, despite the fact that, as a non-Christian, I am constantly bombarded, virtually browbeaten, with images, symbols and accoutrements of Christianity everywhere I turn. I don’t give a crap if a store clerk wishes me “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays,” or even “May Cthulhu Grant You A Quick And Painless Death In This Season Of Ice,” so long as I get my merchandise and my credit card back. But I swear, if I have to listen to Jerry Falwell, Bill O’Reilly or any other self-appointed protector of the “endangered” Christian holiday bitch about this crap for one more instant, I am going to blow a fuse.

Where do I go to punch these people in the nose?

This guy puts it best. (Click on videos, then the “Department Store” one from 11/16.)

http://www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com/

?Calling a Christmas tree a holiday tree isn?t being inclusive. It?s disenfranchising people of faith. It?s like calling a menorah a candle stick,?

No, disenfranchising people of faith is taking away their vote. You know that full well Mr Staver, because you argued for the Bush campaign in the Seminole and Martin County cases during the 2000 elections.

Calling a Christmas tree a holiday tree, while silly, is nothing more than that.

the whining of Republicans about how powerless they are despite controlling two of the three branches of government

Two of the three? Which one don’t they control? And be warned, I’m sooo stealing “May Cthulhu Grant You A Quick And Painless Death In This Season Of Ice” this holiday.

Amen, Tigirmus. And I mean that in an utterly secular way.

I’m totally down with the “Cthulhu” cards this year. Now if I could only convice the wife…

Different take:

?Calling a Christmas tree a holiday tree isn?t being inclusive. It?s disenfranchising people of faith. It?s like calling a menorah a candle stick,? said Mathew Staver, Liberty Counsel?s president and general counsel.

Hey, Mat! It’s not a menorah! A “menorah” is a 7 stemmed candle holder. Since you need 8 candles plus one head candle, a “menorah” wouldn’t work. You need a “Hanukiah” – a 9 stemmed candle holder.

But look at me, arguing religious semantics with a guy who doesn’t know his lord and saviour was born in Spring and that the tree is a symbol of the pagan holiday of the Winter solstice.

OK, I’m going to take the bait and fall off the wagon once again. I’m actually pretty tolerant of a lot of political correct BS that goes on, but when it comes to messing with Christmas, that’s where I draw the line.

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, I will release a couple of songs about Christmas trees. They will be made available for free. The first one, “Christmas Tree Hugger,” (released on a limited basis last year), actually earned praise from left-wingers, who adopted it as a pro-environmental piece of satire. It is guarenteed to fuel rumors about whether or not I am really a right-winger.

The other one, “Arnold’s Christmas Tree” is about the Governor of California’s decision to change back the name of the city of Sacramento’s tree from “Holiday Tree” to “Christmas Tree.” Arnold, or, rather, a dead-ringer for Arnold actually introduces the song. Yes, the Song Blogger is back, if only temporarily, to defend the holiday many would like to steal from us. Now I hope when I introduce these songs at this site, that you will be able to see the forest for the trees. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

“May Cthulhu Grant You A Quick And Painless Death In This Season Of Ice”

Thank you! I was wondering what theme to use on the cards this year.

My advice to city hall? Put up an aluminum tree in hot pink with a big plaque that says “Jerry Falwell Says This Is A Christmas Tree”.

I’ll be burning a Christian this year instead of logs…hope that makes them happy (in a self-satisfied “I’maChristianwhoisbeingattackedformybeliefs” sort of way)

Time to call the Whaaambulance.

For Dan Someone…

Merry Cthulhumas!

Thedarkbackward (may I call you “the”?), you are my new best friend. Thanks so much for the card.

“Politically correct BS” like the first amendment.

Did you read the part above about foundational documents?

It irks so bad that these people puff up their chest about how “red-bludded” American they are, without understanding the values on which we are founded.

tigrismus, call me a starry-eyed optimist, but I don’t think the Republicans actually control the judiciary. Sure, a significant chunk of the Supreme Court marches in ideological lockstep with the Gee Oh Pee, but that’s not quite the same as occupying the White House and having a solid — one might say impacted — majority in the bicameral legislature. After all, there’s that wacky lefty Ninth Circuit that Doc Sammich was telling us about, and a whole passel of activist librul federal judges out there doing as much as they can to Hurt the Troops and Destroy America.

Looks like there are a couple of haters on board today. Well, I’d like to introduce this song as a way of saying thanks to all of you, like Brad, Gavin, Pinko, Mr. X, and Dan, who, while poisoned with the cyanide of cynicism, have respectfully refrained from applying torture techniques to anyone who happens to disagree with their position.

If you don’t happen to live in New Zealand, where the song is presently airing on college radio, you won’t have heard this song on the radio yet. Help yourself to a free copy of
A Thank-you Note (My Thanksgiving Song)
words and music by Dr. BLT (c) 2005
http://www.drblt.com/music/thankYOU.mp3

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Stop the hate! Unite with the right! I’m going back into hibernation.

Hey BLT, I thought you went away, hell that holiday lasted all of half a week.

And I swear to god, if christmastime gets even one ioda more “Christ-y” I’m going to go all shithouse on the next department store santa I see.

Where do I go to punch these people in the nose?
Dan – To a $10,000 dollar a plate GOP fundraiser. And pick up a doggy back of those smoked texas style ribs for me please.

Well, okay: *ahem* starry-eyed optimist. I think that with the court of last resort firmly in their grasp, “control” is not much of a semantic stretch. That’s probably just the cynical cyanide talking, though. Or maybe the acerbic arsenic? The hateful hemlock?

I’m sorry, tigrismus, I forgot to thank you. Yes, you too, have been a victim of cynical cyanide, or, to use your witty words, “acerbic arsenic” or “hateful hemlock.” But, unless I’m forgetting something, you have not resorted to cruel and unusual methods in your rebuke of right-wingers. I won’t go so far as to wish you a Merry Tigrismus, but I do thank you for your restraint (along with Rowan, now that I think of it).

Now I will retreat. I mean it this time, so it won’t do any good to try and bait me.

How ’bout we call it a Martyr Tree and build a giant wooden cross right next to it, so these people can take turns climbing up and nailing themselves to it?

Everybody’s happy.

“Never.” Doc, I do not think it means what you think it means.

I have a button I got from a Hateful Librul site. On it is a not-so-complimentary picture of Bush, and the words “No. Raally. I’m telling the truth this time.” And you’re going away. For real. Really. Forever. Never coming back. Ummm hmmmmm. And Santa is real and he’s bringing me a silver Jag with a leather and walnut interior for Yule.

In fact, if we don’t see you here before Solstice, I’ll wake up December 21st expecting to see that Jag.

Oh, the Tree thing. I’m a Pagan, and I want my tree back. The Christians stole it (and the date) for a propaganda device, and and think we should reclaim it. Take Back the Tree!

BLT –
Then go allready and shut up about it.

Your like that guy nobody likes who, when leaving constantly tells everyone about how’s he’s really leaving this time to get a modicum of attention and a good bye.
Well good bye, don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

Damn straight, chimera, let’s put the Paganism back in Yule!

If you don’t happen to live in New Zealand, where the song is presently airing on college radio, you won’t have heard this song on the radio yet.

“We’re big in Belgium.”

Aw c’mon, guys. In the spirit of the season, go easy on Herr Doktor Schweinfleisch. He’s just trying to get away from his dismal job as a psychoanalysistogist and break into the very tough, but extremely lucrative, Bakersfield music industry. The guy is already huge on the New Zealand college circuit (all 14 of them!), so it’s only a matter of time before he’s headlining in Vegas! We should offer him our support, not our ridicule.

OK, maybe a little ridicule.

timmah, there you go again, speaking for the masses. Why not just come out and speak for
yourself–tell me you don’t like me. I can take it from you, because I’m pretty sure that you hate all right-wingers. In reality, there are a wide range of feelings for me at this site, all the way from hateful, murderous wishes/utter disgust and contempt to something dangerously close to Agape love.

zuzu, I’ve been called a lot worse things than a liar at this site, so if you want to believe I’m being anything less than 100% honest, then go right ahead. If you really want to press the issue, why don’t we bet on it? Put your money where your mouth is. I was sure I gave specific instructions to all of you not to bait me. You’re trying too hard to get me to fall off the wagon, when I’ve been so good with my Sadly, no! sobriety.

>>You Can Take That Christmas Tree And Shove It Right Up Your Ass!!!

Perhaps my fave subject line ever.

Hah!
I scientifically formulated that post as bait.
I just wanted to prove you were full of it when you said you weren’t coming back.

I like ‘Falwell Can Munch on Deez X-Mas Nutz.’ much better.

BLT –
I only posted that because I knew you would respond to it, and I wanted to prove you were full of it when you said you weren’t posting anymore.
But, looking back, it looks like you’ve proved that enough without my help.

Timmah, you’ve made your point, and if you don’t start cussing me out, I’m going to have to add you to the list of people I need to thank. Just kidding, I can do without the foul, disparaging language.

You must understand that even shrinks, ones who are forced to attend 50 hours of therapy themselves as part of their doctoral program, can slip into self-destructive habits such as blogging on to sites where they know they’ll be abused. Your cyanide is cynicism, mine is blogging on to potentially hostile sites where I’m bound to get attacked.

PS: One of you disappointed fans out there (someone who obviously doesn’t listen to the radio in New Zealand)has brought to my attention her utter dismay over being able to link my Thankgiving song. I’m sorry, my initial link contained a minor flaw: Here is the correct link for you to cut and paste. Once again, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!:

A Thank You Note:
words and music by Dr. BLT (c) 2005
http://www.drblt.com/music/ThankYOU.mp3

Honestly, I would listen to it, but thanksgiving for us northerners was months ago. Old hat for me.
How come you guys have it so close to christmas?

“May Cthulhu Grant You A Quick And Painless Death In This Season Of Ice,”

Ah, good times.

Timmah, I’m a Canuck too, remember? Hey, they don’t even celebrate Thanksgiving in New Zealand, but that didn’t stop them from playing the song over there. The radio station that debuted the song even interviewed me about Thanksgiving and I was forced to tell them the old right-wing lie about it all starting with the Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock.

Oh, and Brad… is that photo (and I’m not talking about the tree, here)…um,,, you?

Doc, you think you’re abused here? Sheesh. What a wimp you are. oh! I just abused you.

But seriously, Doc. Aside from what?, maybe 3 posts with allusions to violence which you then totally hyped and blew out of proportion, what abuse? Y’know, we’re not like your typical Red-staters and FOX viewers; we remember what we read last week or last month. So you can’t keep on with the “somebody said they wanted to do this” when they didn’t, really. We’ll call you on it.

And if the language gets a bit rough here sometimes, well, y’know, we’re all grown-ups who have been “out there” in the world. If your too-delicate sensibilities are offended or distressed by insults and/or harsh words, maybe you should go hang out in a coffee house instead of a bar. Ya think?

And, honey, this ain’t abuse you get here. And you know it.

Timmah, isn’t it worse for us Canucks? At least south of the border, the holiday shopping season doesn’t start until mid-November. For us, two days before Halloween you can see the Christmas stuff trickle in…

Hoohoo, this thread has BLT at his hypocritical best.
Some points I must make:
a) I notice you call getting a few nasty words hurled your way “torture”, which I find truly ironic considering you took pains to defend the administration’s use of ACTUAL torture in another thread. You can’t handle nasty words, but you have no problem with the ole electric shocks to the ‘nads? I guess that’s because it’s not happening to you.
b)Posting on this site is not “blogging”. It’s posting a comment on a blog.
c) You said: “zuzu, I’ve been called a lot worse things than a liar at this site, so if you want to believe I’m being anything less than 100% honest, then go right ahead.”
Hmm… well I’ve seen you say you’re not going to post on this site about half a dozen times now, and yet you’ve come back each time…
d) Finally, how exactly was the original post bating you? Did I miss a paragraph somewhere that said, “Dr BLT can’t celebrate christmas anymore”, or “I dare dr BLT to comment on this post”? Drop the persecution complex already, it’s getting REALLY annoying.

Random Guy, you’ve done a great job at pointing out the obvious. Don’t tell me I’m a walking contradiction, tell me something I didn’t already know. As for the persecution complex, I was just starting to get over it, and then you just had to go and bring it up. Now on the day I’m supposed to be thankful, I’m thinking back on all the times I was persecuted at this site. All kidding aside, have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

BLT – That’s because you have, and continue to, do a great job of (probably deliberately) missing the obvious.

BLT,

Let me help you out with these hateful nonbelievers…

Kind folks of blogland, please remember that Christianity is the only true belief system. As proof I would like to offer some seasonally appropraite facts.

1) There is no mention of Chanukah or Menorah in any of the gospels, in spite of the fact that HE was born right after the so called ‘Festival of Lights’. Mary and Joseph were obviously not praticing Jews. They must have known that God had turned his back on the ‘His Chosen People’.

2) The wise men all brought presents — duh — Merry Christmas.

3) The Pagans stole the idea for the Yule Log from the Jews. Ask any Jew in North Miami Beach about the Hanukkah Bush to get set straight about this fact.

We Christians know what is right and by golly if we have to leave this country and take another in the name of GOD then so be it. All we want to do is prevent huricanes and worship freely.

All of these stupid PC battles every year since the last one just makes a bigger and better case for de-federalizing Christmas. I think Christmas should no longer be a federal holiday. I also think that if one REALLY hates the secularizing of Christmas, one would stop making corporate plagues like MACY’S join in the celebrations and stop buying USELESS, UNNECESSARY SHIT every year. I think the Jehovah’s Witnesses, who don’t celebrate Christmas, have the right idea.