Night of Teh Living Gheys
The National Organization for Marriage is the deformed brain-spawn of Maggie Gallagher, who apparently spends more time fixated on where gay people put their naughty bits than any gay person alive does. News of recent events in Vermont and Iowa have set off a firestorm of gay panic and pot-luck comfort-food sleep-overs at Maggie’s place where plans are, as we speak, being made as to the appropriate response to the inevitable day when they are dragged out of their homes by the federal government and forced to gay-marry complete, but very gay, strangers. Apparently cyanide tablets have even been discussed.
Hoping to buy themselves more time before the gaypocalypse, the group launched a new ad ominously titled “The Gathering Storm.” It’s mostly a reliable brew of the the same old huffing and puffing that gay marriage will cause husbands to divorce their wives and run off with male hairdressers and will cause third-grade girls to trade in their Barbie dolls for flannel shirts and dental dams. But after I watched the ad, I couldn’t help but think that some awesomely evil gay genius in NOM’s ad agency had completely pwned the group. The actors, in a fey homage to George Romero, stand around like a bunch of zombies under stormy skies, intoning the horrors of gay marriage in a robotic monotone. Any normal straight person who saw this ad could have no other response than to think that maybe a little bit of butt-sex or a gay blow job or two (or fifty) would be more fun than hanging out with the un-dead missionary-position crowd in the ad.
With that in mind, the ad has been fixed to even more fully realize the intentions of its anonymous creator.
NOM NOM NOM!
I’d vote to add in some “Tim Burton’s Ed Woods” theme music.
what kind of dipfuck would agree to do this ad? i know actors are desperate for work, but man, that’s low. plus, it’s not exactly a good recipe for career advancement. especially because, as everyone knows, the pink mafia totally controls the entertainment industry.
also, “It’s mostly a reliable brew of the the same old huffing and puffing that gay marriage will cause husbands to divorce their wives and run off with male hairdressers and will cause third-grade girls to trade in their Barbie dolls for flannel shirts and dental dams.” … I lold.
Flannel’s for Todd Palin and other kept Brawny men. What’s wrong with a simple polycotton wife-beater, breeder?
I already had a DMCA claim filed by C02 “Science” against my video mocking their ad claiming that Al Gore wanted mandatory vasectomies and sterilizations for everyone. They clearly have think skins and no sense of humor. So, we’re not adding any music that isn’t PD. I don’t want to get the overlords at YouTube too pissed off.
THEY’LL TAKE UR BUKIT!
THEN WARE WUD UR NOMS GO?
also,
“Maggie Gallagher, …spends more time fixated on where gay people put their naughty bits than any gay person alive does”
Even PeeJ?
Oh I doubt that.
Don’t forget the mandatory gaybortions.
Also, a certain Zombie Rotten McDonald is bound to be upset by the blatant zombie-ism on display here.
He probably won’t be back.
Also, the ideal thing to do here would be to dub the soundtrack over interstitial/”plot” scenes in awful 70s gay porno. (Remember, kids: you can wank to either porn or porno, but if you feel dirty afterwards without knowing why, it’s porno.)
Also, ‘porno’ and ‘gonzo’ rhyme for a reason.
Ahhhhh. Yeah, the youtube overlords HAVE been particularity iron fisty lately. Pun intended.
Well they can’t serve my mind’s eye with a cease and desist letter. 😀
if i had any ambition id go to one of those teabag parties and play this on my ghetto blaster
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzsFJolrYuI
but only if soros sends $$$
Hey, damnit, Tintin, stop posting these clever videos until I am returned to the world of broadband from dial-up limbo!
“I’m a Massachusetts parent who is forced to have her child taught blah blah blah”
Damn straight! Other people’s kids should be forced to learn her antiquated bigotry instead!
Now I see what happened. In an effort to use only right-thinking performers in their ad, the audition called for actors who “actively participated in teabagging”.
They decided to actually use the words “forming a rainbow coalition”? You have got to be fucking kidding me.
I know it was said in humor, but I think that it could be empirically proven that Gallagher thinks about gay sex exponentially more than gays do.
As they say down south, bless her heart, the poor dear.
Maggie does look rather, shall we say, “comfortable.”
speaking of poor dears, what the hell is with this site. Why is everything so slow and annoying lately?
Hey!
It’s like the Right doesn’t give a shit about me…
They couldn’t just stick to violently neglecting black people forever, you know.
Well, living black people, anyway. I guess they probably spent a couple of years screwing with Blackula without anyone noticing.
what kind of dipfuck would agree to do this ad? i know actors are desperate for work, but man, that’s low.
You may have heard we’re in a recession.
” . . . people of every creed . . .”
I do not think that word means what you think it means.
in re: Maggie Gallagher.
Personal appearance is not post fodder.*
cf. Jim Rome Show.
But still …
ZRM, I think you need to come up with a zombie emuticon that can be beamed at the moon when it’s time for summoning.
Well, on some site I’m allowed to visit at work, I read a comment where someone asked “Where is the parody of this ad?”
And I knew the answer!
I want to see the YouTube response of “Massachusetts Hockey Dads Who Beat the Shit out of their Kids Coaches for an Imagined Slight” but I think the two groups probly share the same phone line and Express Mailbox(TM).
Um, so I have a question about the poor California doctor who will be forced to choose between her faith and her profession.
Is there a difference between treating married gays and unmarried gays? Is it OK for her to treat unmarried gays, but when a patent gets married that somehow makes it a problem for her to prescribe amoxicillin for an infection?
I’m just curious…..
I have a question about the poor California doctor who will be forced to choose between her faith and her profession.
Young Earth Creationist astrophysicists also face that dilemma.
Um, so I have a question about the poor California doctor who will be forced to choose between her faith and her profession.
She is referencing a little-noticed paragraph in the California Supreme Court’s ruling, proclaiming that gays have the constitutional right to get it on with their hot doctor. She must not have read it very carefully though…
Christ, that Gallagher woman looks drugged. Which I guess one would have to be, to believe such rubbish.
Um, so I have a question about the poor California doctor who will be forced to choose between her faith and her profession.
I thought that we were forcing doctors to hand out birth control to small children?
Were they just including a number of different wingnut complaints, to cut down on studio costs?
Yeah, I hate to be judgmental about looks,because I’m not exactly Brad Pitt, but Maggie Gallagher is really butt ugly. And uglier on the inside, which is a pretty high bar to overcome.
You’ve got it, but I like to think she’s actually an EMT who has been fired for refusing to administer emergency oxygen to certain people unless assured it is “black air”.
Mil Mascaras w/out a mask + 30 years = Maggie Gallagher.
dood i sware it …
Abington High School gym …
Roseanne + Spanky + Rhoda – Alfalfa + Nikki Sixx = Maggie Gallagher.
The Ghey is sucking the life force out of Sadly, No!
Pass the sugar please.
And you all stop picking on poor Ms. Gallagher. A little girl from Kansas just threw a bucket of water over her so she’s not looking her best.
News of recent events in Vermont and Iowa have set off a relentlessly pounding, mechanically smooth cam shafting, pistoning panicked pot-luck comfort-food sleep-overs at Maggie’s place where plans are, as we speak …
My new computer has these neat “imply-o-meter” subtitles …
Even PeeJ?
Oh I doubt that.
*sniff*
Someone clearly does not understand the artiste.
Also, PENIS!
Also, BUTTSEKS!
And such as.
When the Gathering Storms hits, will we be pelted with homo-sized hail?
Call 911! The hamsters have had a relapse.
America, when can I go into the grocery store and buy what I need with just my overpowering Gay Overlord Buttsechs Powers ???
The title of the video is a reference to the first volume of Winston Churchill’s history of WWII, which is sort of like the wingnut equivalent of Remembrance of Things Past.
I can’t wait until the part where we get to shoot our ghey 2 rockets into London and force them to evacuate all the kiddies to the countryside.
Um, so I have a question about the poor California doctor who will be forced to choose between her faith and her profession.
Probably the same doctor that double bills, only accepts patients from HMOs, and doesn’t provide adequate care, because that would cost too much money, and it’s easier to say it’s in the patient’s head and then bill them for the visits. The Insurance Fraud Doctor. Who will bill you for the visit where she delivered her little moral speech against anyone for being a dirty slut, but not discuss bc options or prevention.
If we get national healthcare, I would like to see these assholes thrown by the wayside. Then she can find a profession that doesn’t interfere with her “faith”.
Wasnt she one of the pay-for-play whorenalists, selling her column on the streets like Armstrong Williams?
When the Gathering Storms hits, will we be pelted with homo-sized hail?
It’ll be raining men! Hallelujah, raining men!
They are referring to it as a “job action” .
Do not fuck with Hamsters LOCAL NO. 257!
~
You’ve got it, but I like to think she’s actually an EMT who has been fired for refusing to administer emergency oxygen to certain people unless assured it is “black air”.
She checks for wedding rings before she treats someone?
No, no, see, I get the logic (foul and hateful though it is) of refusing to treat Gay People. But how is it different when they’re able to marry one another? it doesn’t make fucking sense.
How is being gay-married different?
1000 Huzzahs, my friend. This was wonderful. {I’ve already tasted the delicious lemon chicken of the reeducation camps}
No, no, see, I get the logic (foul and hateful though it is) of refusing to treat Gay People. But how is it different when they’re able to marry one another? it doesn’t make fucking sense.
How is being gay-married different?
They’ll be covered by their spouses’ insurance now, so they’ll be going to doctors more–? She’ll be seeing patients she wouldn’t have seen otherwise, or now she’ll be forced to *know* that they’re queer *and* here, when the receptionists ask for their HMO policy info–? That’s the best sense I can make of it…
“How is being gay-married different?”
Because shut up! that’s why.
WTF are they talking about with the “telling me how to live MY life” and what the doctor said?
What’s the talking point here? I know the “my preacher will be forced to marry homosexuals” idea, but what about the housewife and the doc? What’s the gag?
I was half-expecting Damon Owens by the end to put on a torn red suede jacket and start breaking out in the Thriller dance, thus making the painfully obvious even more painful.
Her husband’s one of the millions of Americans who tried gay conversion therapy and was told it failed because he was deliberately spoiling it because he loves Satan, and the doctor is actually a Pfizer representative with an honorary doctorate in pure German folk art who, like every Christian in America, is terrified at the prospect of Medicare laws being changed such that sales of Viagra to the elderly no longer yield maximum profit.
You know, what with the feared boom in retiring gay couples and all. Yes, including lesbians. What do you mean, they have – oh God, I’ve made a terrible mistake.
I think the ad would have done a better job of portraying just how persecuted these people are if, instead of delivering their lines from a ramrod-stiff mannequin position, they had instead all been hanging from crosses.
Thought y’all were all up on your shit here.
The (actual, not acting) doctor is a fertility pimp in San Diego County who was approached by a lesbian couple for artificial insemination, & the doc said “No, against my religion.” So the couple sued or something. (Seems silly to me, find another doctor & be done w/ it, I’d say, but …)
More of these sorts of things here. I didn’t read all the examples, but it may be the direct inspiration for everything in the advert.
Ooooo, I think Jennifer gets the win here.
what kind of dipfuck would agree to do this ad?
The same kind of dipfuck who would do a modeling gig wearing a shirt that reads “Ex-Masturbator”.
Kinda unfair to post a photo of Maggie Gallagher after her Halloween bash, still in costume and half in the bag.
Wait. Wha? She always looks like . . . .
OMFG.
More of these sorts of things here. I didn’t read all the examples, but it may be the direct inspiration for everything in the advert.
Yes, that’s the case they’re using as supposed factual background for the ad’s claim about doctors. That and more in their “Gathering Storm” Background Facts sheet.
Something more closely grounded in real facts here.
You know, I have looked at satellite images of gathering storms, and the cyclones totally look like bungholes. BUNGHOLES!!! What are the meterologists teaching our children???!!?!?!?!
Did anyone else here look at the interlocked rings of their logo and totally see M/M or F/F symbols?
Only if we’re very, very lucky.
Then she can find a profession that doesn’t interfere with her “faith”.
I hear Burger King are hiring.
“I think the ad would have done a better job of portraying just how persecuted these people are if, instead of delivering their lines from a ramrod-stiff mannequin position, they had instead all been hanging from crosses.”
Jennifer wins, knocks it out of the park. I laughed out loud, and then again, remembering it was Good Friday.
Religious freedom — right.
So I’m sure Ms. Gallagher would back an adherent of Christian Identity if he didn’t wanna give no mudperson a burger at the local Mickey D’s.
I hear The Gays are trying to develop their own nuclear weapon. I say we use Newt’s laser to take them out good before they force us all to gay marry.
You’ve got it, but I like to think she’s actually an EMT who has been fired for refusing to administer emergency oxygen to certain people unless assured it is “black air”.
I have many cans of black air available but I must advise that that would be a most unsanitary procedure.
Wow, that background facts sheet is a doozy. The doctor who has to choose between her faith and her job? They are actually justifying by saying that doctors should be allowed to DENY TREATMENT BECAUSE THEIR MIGHTY SKY-FAIRY TELLS THEM TO. They aren’t spinning it, they actually say
So we’re talking about a doctor who normally does do fertility/artificial insemination procedures (which is OK because in-vitro fertilization is in the Bible!!!) – being told that “NO GAYS” is not a valid reason for withholding medical procedures.
Great! But the woman at 1:03 deserved something. She really looks zombified. Maybe depressed her acting career has led to this?
And, since they are so allupons about the “Religious Freedom vs GHEY BUTTSECKS Freedom”, I have a bit of a parable I’d like to investigate.
There are some jews who have asked Is Electricty Fire? Because “In the Talmud it says you’re not supposed to make fire on a Saturday, so our question is, can we use electrical things on Saturdays?” What does this teach us?
Anyone who uses electricity on a Saturday is interfering with the religious freedoms of jews.
And people who have barbecues on Saturdays are downright anti-semitic.
And if you have pork at those barbecues, you are worse than a million Hitlers.
The ongoing question that these bozos can never answer: How exactly is this going to hurt YOU?
And if your response includes the words “tradition”, “sacred”, “beliefs”, or “God”, you will automatically receive an electric shock. Now let’s hear an answer.
How about if my reponse is : I’m athiest\agnostic. I really couldn’t give a fuck about your pagan religion. Quit trying to force it on us.
Maybe the woman at 1:03 played it with extra zombie sauce as a valiant effort to subvert the message this sucky economy was compelling her to deliver.
Points for identifying the source when I tell Gallagher that she’s a painbow, not a rainbow. But some people have to live in the problem.
Their response will then be a gasp, then “quit trying to shove your atheism down my throat”, since they deliberately conflate disagreement with censorship.
Dragon-King Wangchuck: Did you see how they try to tie it to marriage? The case dates from 1999 and has to do with discrimination based on sexual orientation. The California Supreme Court last year ruled unanimously in Benitez’s favor, and it appears one of the justices, I assume in a concurring opinion, made mention of the same court’s recent decision on marriage. The NOM people use this little tiny thing as the basis for their claim about same-sex marriage and California doctors.
I’m sure all the other pieces that make up the “Gathering Storm” ad are built on similarly flimsy foundations, but I’m not going to take up my time looking into them.
The lesbian couple didn’t find another doctor because this particular bigot was the only practice around that took their insurance (apparently they were covered for it! Which seems weird in itself.). So part of the argument was that they couldn’t reasonably be expected to go somewhere else or something.
Awesome, tintin.
Fucking wankers. I saw that lady on Hardball the other night. She is completely reprehensible, slovenly, and apparently possessing no soul.
No wonder she looks for reasons to hate other people. There is no way she can look at herself in any light without wanting to reach for another pint of B & J.
And I suppose we can’t discuss the effects of divorce on families in class since
recognition of the reality of divorce is going to be offensive to some parents of catholic children.
And I’m sure we’re going to leave the nutritional value of pork and shell fish out of nutrition units in health class because we can’t talk about abominations (even if Christians believe the were magically given the divine “Okie Dokie” so Paul could attract more converts among the gentiles.) some Jewish parents might have a problem with a curriculum that might tempt their children to consume trefe.
And don’t get me started on school lunches.
brilliant. bravo tintin.
And I’m sure we’re going to leave the nutritional value of pork and shell fish out of nutrition units in health class because we can’t talk about abominations (even if Christians believe the were magically given the divine “Okie Dokie” so Paul could attract more converts among the gentiles.) some Jewish parents might have a problem with a curriculum that might tempt their children to consume trefe.
I do want teachers at schools, especially public schools, to talk about how God ordained that I rule over the creepy things that creep on earth, among other things. I am the Creep Master!
I am pretty sure that the doc in the video is a homopathic practitioner.
cur
It’ll be raining men! Hallelujah, raining men!
Someone doctored the ad with exactly that motif. I saw it at Andrew Sullivan’s yesterday and it’s up at Salon today.
Oh alright…here it is at Sully’s.
I saw the Sully video – the one I want to see is the one that photoshops all the actors onto crosses…
I hope someone does it. And gives them the full Passion of Christ treatment, blood, wounds and gore!
Fixing the ad so that the actors are on crosses is an awesome idea, but I’m afraid it is far beyond my meager skills at video editing. Let me think about it and see if there’s any feasible way for me to do it.
“where plans are, as we speak, being made as to the appropriate response to the inevitable day when they are dragged out of their homes by the federal government and forced to gay-marry complete, but very gay, strangers.”
I’ve lived with gay men. I’ve lived with straight men. And i’ve got to say, being ‘forcibly married to a gay man onoez’ could only improve my social life, not to mention the overall cleanliness of my house.
Plus, we could go out and cruise the same guys and make rude comments about butts together. How cool would THAT be?
I thought I recognized the New Jersey reference, and upon checking their “fact sheet”, I was right. A church group was in the habit of renting their grounds to the general public for non-church-related events. A gay couple tried to rent the grounds for a civil union ceremony and the church refused to rent to them. They lost the suit on the grounds you can’t offer a service to the general public, and then exclude only a certain group.
A lot of the anti-gay propagandists tried to spin this into gays forcing their way into churches and demanding the church marry them.
“Maggie Gallagher, …spends more time fixated on where gay people put their naughty bits than any gay person alive does”
Even PeeJ?
Oh I doubt that.
I was gonna say, I think *I* think about gay sex more than most people of *any* sexuality. Hell, I’m thinking about it right now! Yeah. Yeeeeahh…
…uh, I gotta go.
I know I’m late and way behind, but I just wanted to thank you (once again) for the keyboard-ruining laugh, and sane perspective on ol’ Maggie, with whom I’ve shared several e-mails asking her, “WTF?”
Though much more politely, which is no longer a luxury she has earned.
What. A. Lunatic.
I am also late, but I heard Miz Maggs in an interview on NPR about a year and a half ago, during which she let slip that she had been abandoned by her husband and left to raise her kids as a single mother. Reason enough to be bitter, I suppose, but her references to the alleged harm done to children raised in gay households would apply more honestly to children abandoned by their father and raised in a single parent, no father household by a bitter, angry woman whose only remaining joy in life comes from stamping out any shred of happiness in as many people as she can get her grubby paws on.
Great work Tintin. I got a screen (scream?) cap of the image at :55 seconds. It’s my new desk top image.
And I love that the Urkel looking chick at :19 is “afraid.” I’ll sleep well tonite, knowing I’ve done my job.
Just reading about gay-marry turn me on real hot and cold. We confess we been bustin in some straight houses and poking them in the belly button hole then we takes them to city hall and forces them to gay-merry. Every body generally has a good time. We had thought maybe we should charge extra for the merrying part since you can’t fight the city hall and never win. Those that don’t like it are but sore losing. What with that?