(2nd panel) Large guy: “Dude, she died during childbirth.” Small guy: “….”

(3rd panel) [Large guy beats the shit out of small guy.]

Man. That’s so dumb it hurts.
I don’t care if every large animal was a baby the size of a JustBorn Peep, you could not have fit a pair of all of them on the damned ark.
No wonder these people hate science. They can’t do math.

So let me get this straight – God tells Noah to collect baby dinosaurs (eggs perhaps) and put them on the Ark. Then God extinctifies* the dinosaurs shortly after the flood? Jesus, God can be such a dick some times.*Stole from MJ’ Stole from MJ’!!

Jesus, God can be such a dick some times.

Tell Him about it. He was the only begotten son, and God let him die on the cross…

Oh, and Norb, you’re freakin’ hilarious 😀

I kind of picture the ark full of baby cartoon dinosaurs. “The Land Before Time and Brain”

BTW- PLEASE CLICK on the cartoon, there is a cartoon rating feature!

C’mon kids, I think that we can get this one below three by the end of the day. To the Batmobile!

So let me get this straight – God tells Noah to collect baby dinosaurs (eggs perhaps) and put them on the Ark. Then God extinctifies* the dinosaurs shortly after the flood?

Who says those dinosaur eggs ever made it off the Ark? From what I’ve heard, ol’ Noah was really fond of dinosaur-egg-omelets for breakfast.

Wow.

That’s the dumbest argument for “Intelligent” “Design” that I’ve ever seen. In fact, it’s in my top 10 dumbest arguments ever.

So, by analogy:

1) “Noah’s Ark” should really be named “Noah’s Vagina.” (“Noah’s Uterus” has a better ring to it, though.)

2) The dinosaurs (which couldn’t have possibly existed then, but work with me here) were…um, ejaculated into the…um, “Ark.”
So, unless there was a giant Shrink-O-Beam? that was miraculously invented by G.O.D. Corp. so they could fit, there’s only one way to fill the massive Cosmic Vagina: an equally massive dick…

GOD’S DICK.

Only He can fit all of the animals in His Manly Testicles and shoot ’em all out to fit. Since we need two of each, God needs to fuck twice. I’m sure He can handle it…after all, it’s GOD!

3) After the flood, after lots of screaming from Noah (natural…um, “birth” and all), the animals are pushed on out to a planet of death. And Noah rests.

Therefore, God killed lots of people to satisfy the universe’s biggest case of blueballs.
(Humans just censored it — for the children, don’tcha know.)

Any stupid thing is instantly 100% SMARTER with Religion?!

Nice to see that they’ve finally been able to capture John Stossel’s essence in cartoon form.

I never knew my mother.

*Hugs Auguste*

this whole laughing-at-fundie-smacktards thing was a lot more fun back before they controlled the entire government.

Pure science seeks the truth and no one should have a problem with discovering the truth. The problem arises when scientists, a lot of whom are funded by individuals/organizations who are seeking to prove or disprove certain agenda, fail to do so and rather than admit “they just don’t know” and risk loosing their backing will take their best guess (usually in their sponsor’s favor) and call it scientific fact. How many “scientific facts” have you seen changed or totally reversed in your lifetime? Come on guys, you should be the first people in line to speak out against this type of stuff. The tables can turn at any time and in any direction when the powers that be are allowed to define truth as they would have it be.

I heard that, aaron.
You know, I actually thought they made more sense when they were doing the whole “dinosaur bones are just props Satan uses to lead the gullible astray!” thing. This new “dinosaurs were all vegetarians before Original Sin” (what, no apple eaters?) stuff is even stupider.

i guess if they screw up their faces real tight and just pray harder reality will fall in line. right?

Yet another victory for Midget Geraldo Riviera, America’s speaker of truth to badly drawn people who karate-chop the air as they talk!

Hey, Watchman

(Aren’t you a miniature TV that was put out by Sony in the ’80s?)

If you want to reject the scientific explanation of the diversity of life, that’s fine. No one should argue with you. You can reject the scientific explanation for anything if you want to. If you want to use “well, scientists sometimes make mistakes” as your excuse for rejecting a scientific explanation of something, that’s fine too. Though really, you don’t need an excuse; you can believe anything you want to.

The thing you can’t do is to say that there is scientific evidence for creationism. Because if you do that, then you become what we scientists call “a fucktard.”

Some people deny the holocaust ever happened. Doesen’t mean we should teach that “alternate view of history” in a fucking history class.

Some people deny the holocaust ever happened. Doesen’t mean we should teach that “alternate view of history” in a fucking history class.

B-b-but you’re not being Fair & Balanced?!!1!

You LIEberals only want your fascist Hitlery-approved viewpoints in the classrom, like “science” and “art”. Now you’ll want to teach about butt-sexin’ in English class, ya commie pricks.

The REAL big bang ”theory”: God thought of it and BANG it happened. Eat that “theory” LIEberals!

Dammit, there was supposed to be a wingnut tag…

I read through a dozen or so of these (shudder), and here’s one thing that bugs me about this ‘tard’s version of the Noah’s Ark story: he keeps saying “it has indeterminate size”.
Now, I’m looking at my NAB 1970 Holy Bible (endorsed by Pope Paul VI himself), and it says regarding the Ark:
Preperation for the Flood, Genesis 6:14-16
“Make yourself an ark of gopherwood, put various compartments in it, and cover it inside and out with pitch. This is how you shall build it: the length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, its width fifty cubits, and its height thirty cubits. Make an opening for daylight in the ark, and finish the ark a cubit above it. Put an entrance in the side of the ark, which you shall make with bottom, second and third decks.”

So, then, by indeterminate size, he apparently means somewhere in the neighborhood of 129 metres long, 21.5 metres wide and 12.9 metres high to 165 metres long by 27 metres wide and 16.5 metres high and 155.2 metres in length, 25.9 metres in width and 15.5 metres in height.
Not enough to hold two of every animal species on earth, especially since internal volume is cut down by the decking and holds.
Most theologians of the Abrahamic religions don’t embrace the literal destruction of the world or the taking two of every animal on the Ark.
Only the fundies take it at it’s face value (of course they do, it’s by their own definition).

“I read through a dozen or so of these (shudder), and here’s one thing that bugs me about this ‘tard’s version of the Noah’s Ark story: he keeps saying “it has indeterminate size”.”

So…Noah’s Ark was really a TARDIS?

I’m always amused when someone suggests that Noah fit dinosaurs in the ark by taking dinosaur eggs. How could he tell what sex they were before they hatched? Did they all have little M’s and F’s stamped on the utside?

…Or little M’s and F’s on the OUTSIDE? (I shoulda hit “preview” before I hit “post”.

Where ya gonna gestate the fetus — in a box?

How many “scientific facts” have you seen changed or totally reversed in your lifetime?

That’s how science works, bud. When new and better evidence contradicts existing knowledge, the scientific understanding changes.

Unlike religion, where inconvenient facts are twisted to fit the dogma, or ignored altogether.

“Or little M’s and F’s on the OUTSIDE?”

No, silly. The boy dinosaur eggs were blue, and the girl eggs were pink. Duh.

So…Noah’s Ark was really a TARDIS?

Which leads us to the inevitable conclusion: Noah was the first Doctor Who. But did he have tophat and scarf?
That actually is hideously frightening… I’m going to go assume the fetal position in the corner now.

otto man – good call on the Stossel.

Considering Stossel’s total buy-in on the “junk science” movement and his hook-line-and-sinker performance with Crichton over global warming, he’s perfect for this cartoon.

It’s something I keep cautioning him against in email, actually. I figured once he went Townhall, it was only a matter of time before he started screwing up his face and saying “Evolution? Give me a break!”

Maybe some bio-mathematicians out there could answer this for me.
Given the fundies belive that only Noah, his sons, daughters, their wives and husbands(cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews aren’t mentioned) survived the flood, what kind of math would be involved to predict how many people could have been ‘produced’ in the intervening 4000 years since the deluge? Could those only on the ark account for 6 billion of us today in that short period of time?
I realize I’m going out on a limb by asking someone to use SCIENCE but I’m curious.
Another thought…how did all those Red People get to North and South America so quickly and produce such a large population, not to mention how the animals got to the west? Hitchhiked on a passing Vogon ship?
Maybe the bible and the ID fundies should be on the SciFi channel!
BTW, was there ferry service to Australia and Antarctica?

Dinosaurs, or “Jesus Horses,” is one mystery, but what about penguins, polar bears, and other cold-weather, arctic wildlife. Noah and co. were living in a warm climate. Did God ask Noah to swing by Antarctica (southern Pangaea at the time) to pick up all the cold weather critters?

If not, then where did they come from? Evolution anyone?

Oh yeah, and Noah really dropped the ball on the unicorns. Way to go, dumbass.

I’d like to know how he managed to sort out all those nematode species. I mean, there are hundreds of thousands of the damned things, and they all look pretty much alike.
You know, he probably did have unicorns on the ark. He probably just got two that hated each other and weren’t willing to get sexy, even to save the species. There was no Barry White back then, after all.
And, my God, what about the *plants*? Even if he took seeds, Noah must have been one hell of a master gardener. Getting off that damned ark was just the start of the work. No wonder he got drunk first thing.

Man, I’d hate to accidently wander into the room on the Ark where Noah put the ~900,000 species of insects. I mean, blegh!

Noah probably picked a man-hating lesbian unicorn, who refused to have sex with the male, who she subsequently gored with her horn.
She died happily as a martyr to her cause after this when Noah, seeing no purpose to keeping her alive, bashed her skull in with a hammer and cooked her for dinner.

Even if nobody’s going to read this because it’s days late: If you’re really interested in how reality-based humans answer creationist ravings, go to The Talk.Origins Archive. They even have a Problems With Noah’s Ark FAQ. Then you can go check out The Panda’s Thumb and P.Z. Myers’ blog Pharyngula.

Gadzooks, too stupid to live category.

I do not believe in creationism, but I guess I could argue much better, for a fee (hint, hint).

For example, dinosaurs did not make it to the arc, and thus they are ANTRDELUVIAN.

Number two, why Ararat was the highest mountain at that time, rather than Mt Everest? Well, in millenia that followed the Flood, Ararat got smaller and Himalays larger.

Number three — where did all this water came from, and where it came to? Simplicity itself. The Lord created the flood waters, and after the flood it let these water to flow ever the world edge — as the world was still flat. Once the Earth was reasonably dry, it experienced post-wash shrinkage and rolled into a ball.

Well… presuming that God is an all-powerful deity (which they do), it’s a fairly simple matter of vaporizing the polar ice caps, thereby loading the air with water vapor and causing large amounts of rain.
Being God, You can speed up the process of freezing the ice caps up again by decreasing the temprature appropriately, making the water level lower dramatically as You’ve finished mucking around with Noah.

Not that the theology or science supports this at all, but it could be rationalized based on the premise of a micromanaging and grossly interventionist God.

Hello! Stem cells, hello!

did anyone catch the graphic on the website that hosts the cartoon?
Brontosaurus’s and deer living side by side, awesome! (And educational)

Here’s what I don’t get. If they want to play the Noah’s Ark game, why do they bother saying that the dinosaurs where on the ark? Why not explain that this is how they went extinct? It’s (relatively) more plausable than Noah herding dinosaurs onto the ark, or building an incubator or whatever the hell they’re thinking.

And then were did the dinosaurs go when the ark landed? What, are there dragons in the hills, too?

Let me get this straight. The way science “works” is that all evaluations, especially the ones based upon theory, should be treated as wrong (or at least incomplete and questionable) pending new and better evidence to contradict them. Hummm.

Let’s say you want to make some cookies, but you’ve never made them before and don’t have a recipe. So you go to the kitchen, mix together some flour, sugar, and water until it’s thick enough to form balls, which you then bake for 15 minutes at 400 degrees. This is a hypothesis for cookie-making. When you take the cookies out of the oven, you discover they are quite burned, so you try again, same recipe, only for 10 minutes at 350. You have amended your hypothesis because the experiment didn’t give you good results. Now the cookies aren’t burned, but they are very dry and flavorless. So you further amend your hypothesis that you have a valid cooking time and temperature, but your ingredients need work. Contine until you pull something that tastes good out of the oven.

That is science. You don’t assume anything, you merely make hypotheses, and test them, over and and over and over again, making amendments as necessary, until you have something that works.
And when you do have something that works, you write it down somewhere, and keep going. What happens if you add chocolate chips? Or chopped liver? Or remove the sugar and add splenda? Even when you are satisfied with the results of the experiment, there is more knowledge to be gained.

No problem with your cookie experiment unless, rather than realize there was more to be done, you tried to sell me on the idea that your first batch was a success and I am anti-science if I don’t accept your charred experiment as a cookie.

You know, he probably did have unicorns on the ark. He probably just got two that hated each other and weren’t willing to get sexy, even to save the species.

Naaah–the real scoop regarding the unicorns is that they went extince due to the fact that Viagra was thousands of years away from being invented yet. If the female unicorn could have spoken, like back in Eden, she would have shouted at Noah, “Not him! Not that one!! Noooooooo!!!” But, alas, she could not. During the long journey, in a fit of depression, she hurled herself overboard, drowning. The male unicorn never even noticed that she was gone–he was, after all, an insufferable narcissist.

If they want to play the Noah’s Ark game, why do they bother saying that the dinosaurs where on the ark? Why not explain that this is how they went extinct?

The problem here is that God told Noah “2 of each kind of animal!” And if Noah left out a few thousand types of animal, presumably God woulda been a mite ticked off. So, in order for Noah to have been the obedient servant that the Bible makes him out to be, it has to be all or nothing.

Believe it or not, some creationists do embrace stuff like plesiosaurs and cadborosaurs as sea monsters, and Mokele-mbembe as a modern-day dinosaur, and something called a Kongomato as a pterosaur, and even a prehistoric giant lemur, Megaladapis, as a creature known now to indigenous peoples of Madagascar as a Tokandia.
They view these myths as proof that species don’t die out, because God would not allow it. This is, I understand, one of the major reasons people were so averse to Darwin’s original theories.
So, yeah. There are creationists who think, I guess, that Noah saved the dinosaurs and the other prehistoric creatures, and that they’re still alive in places like Loch Ness and the Amazon rainforest.
None of which seems to make them want to not raze these places, for some reason.

Misubishi seems to be doing a fine job in the Brazilian Rainforest! So far they haven’t found any dinosaurs there, just in Tokyo.
But if there were dinosaurs before the flood they evidently didn’t stroll into Jerusalem or Mecca. I guess they, at least the plant eaters, became extinct trying to live on desert grass. Then the carnivores died because the plant eaters were gone. If only T-Rex had the instinct to start eating Noah and his family, Arabs, Jews, Muslims, and all the other sects non-discriminately they’d still be around, sigh!
If God won’t allow extinction I guess that explains where the dodos went. Science has been searching the Galapagos but they’re right here in D.C. camoed (?) as Republicans;Neo-Comtemptuous Democratus.

Watchman —

Sorry, but yes, you ARE being anti-science if you reject evolution. In terms of how scientific theories are evaluated, evolution has shown itself to be spectacularly successful. There are minor unresolved issues and vast amounts yet to be learned, but to reject evolution is to reject the validity of the scientific method. Period.

And rejecting science is something you can do, if you want. If it pleases you, you can believe that light bulbs give off light because there are luminescent fairies inside them. Just don’t try to pretend that your belief isn’t unscientific.

If by not embracing totally the theory of evolution as scientific fact I am being unscientific, well, I guess you got me. Show me one bit of evidence that one species evolved from another and we’ll talk. Meanwhile, I’m not about to toss away everything I believe and base my life on this evaluated theory. I will also add that if you base your whole belief system on something that can’t be proven, then you believe because you want to believe. This is more an act of faith than of science and becomes religion and your theories nothing but dogma.

Watchman —

Go to your nearest window. If you were to jump out of that window, do you believe that you would fall? Why do you believe that? There is no scientific proof that you’d fall. You believe that you’d fall for two reasons: 1) The vast body of evidence available to you indicates that you would fall, and 2) You don’t find the theory of gravity to be an upsetting theory; it doesn’t tell you something that you don’t want to hear.

If #2 weren’t the case, then I guess you’d spend a lot of your time jumping out of windows.

We share 99.5 to 99.9 percent of our genetic material with chimpanzees. Not to mention the pysical similarities.
If that’s not proof enough for you, hand a brand new digital camera to a chimp, then record his reaction to it, then hand it to a man unfamiliar with technology. Notice any similarities in their trial and error methods?

How can any man claim to be intelligent and believe that “we all came from a pool of water and rock stuff”. Any one know why that BIG BANG THEORY isn’t happining anymore. Oh yeah, it is just an imaginary fairy tale.

HAHA funny I work with a guy that believe that the earth was flooded am having a go at him(gently)I have studied the sciences.and have done geology for over 20 years. As far as i am concerned the most creationist are poorly educated and terrified of the truth which is realy at stake.i think if they had been educated in the sciences they would have abandoned the STORIES that they take as facts and start to paint a picture on the Probable Truth Based on the EVIDENCE. and that is pretty heavy oh by the way check this out
http://www.solarviews.com/eng/tercrate.htm

i cant be leave youtube says that billy didnt make it that hurts a lot hes my favorite artist it hurts i belived it

dear google i can`t balieve you let youtube say that BillyRayCyrus had
just now died i think they should never say that BillyRayCyrus died it
is a bit to shoking for people like me and people who love love Miley &
her loving father so CUT! that episode off of youtube again and tell real
things also i forgot cut off the other episodes that said BillyRayCyrus
died so i and the rest of the world could live the rest of are happy lives
so don`t missplace this coment but put it in the news paper so the earth
can see what a horrble example to kids and their favorite stars.

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