Best Troll Ever….my ass. After all Shortsniffer, Tubesock and Trollypants did for you? Oops gotta run the Federales are at the door.

Bruce, are you sure that “huge underground following” isn’t some sort of sign that the very earth you walk on is rejecting you?

But seriously, we don’t want to take away your freedom of speech, we just want to mock you for the ridiculous nature of your speech, in the hopes that you’ll change your tune. (har, har)

Best Troll Ever….my ass. After all Shortsniffer, Tubesock and Trollypants did for you?

That was up for about 5 minutes before I reflected on it.

So how was Kane last night?

I am in awe of Dr. BLT’s talent. Particularly his talent for doing covers of other peoples’ songs and switching out the words that rhyme for words that don’t rhyme.

His “Playground In My Mind” put blood in my stool.

I think it was that little commie Pinko Punko that was going to see CK last night. Not I, FMA, the Rico Suave of the Interwebs.

BTW, if anyone sees Jockstrap tell him to meet me at the Bodega at the end of th Plaza Militar. Los Federales….. Aiyyy!….They are everywhere!!!

*We* want to stifle free speech? This is almost a hilarious accusation from a guy who wrote a song subtitled “Free Speech Gone Wrong,” who brags about his “restraint” in not punching Stephen Pearcy in an interview, and who has the lines “free speech is free/why make it cheap/The Dixie Chicks/sowed what they reap” in a song praising Merle Haggard “blow[ing] a giant fuse” and using words “like a fist”. Say what you want, Doc, but don’t call folks to your left anti-free speech because they happen to think your music is pedantic crap and you are a self-important hypocrite.

Hey, guys, OT, but… do you know where Major Shorty, Captain T and the FM have got to? I thought we were supposed to meet in Tirana, but they don’t seem to be around. I’ve been checking at the airport every day, but there are no commercial flights from the U.S. to Albania, and I don’t know where they might be coming in from, and I don’t want to hang around the terminal too long, because there are always guys in dark suits who stare at me when I sit for too long in one place. I really need to know where the others are because my first night here, my luggage was stolen, with my passport in it. My cash is running low, I can’t stay in a hotel without ID and I can’t go to the U.S. embassy with no passport — I’ve been told in the past I look “too Canadian” — so I’m getting kind of worried. If you hear from the guys, please let them know to hurry up and get here. Thanks.

vituperoius venom? seriously? So he’s alliterate,
how quaint.

Good God! Dr. BLT is such an America-pimping flag-fucker he actually feels the need to bare his soul in song? Wow. I’ll bet there’s a whole chapter on this one in the DSM IV.

In any event, where hyperjingoistic butt-crack trance music is concerned, nothing will ever top “Let the Eagle Soar” by John “Yes I Lost to a Dead Guy But Don’t Ever Call me a Tittyphobe” Ashcroft. REAL patriotic music derives from a deep spring of male insecurity and trembling vagina-dread that I’m not sure Dr. BLT has fully tapped. However, with time and maturity, I have no doubt that BLT will eventually discover his inner floppy dingledick. At that point, we shouldn’t expect anything less from him than THE definitive patriotic anthem…or at least a kick-ass English-language cover of the “Horst Wessel Lied.”

So what’s the point? I mean, I’d be perfectly happy to spend my time listening to Mr. Thiessen’s ‘music’ if I thought it was going to accomplish something, but if it won’t even help me destory free speech, why bother?

Get on the ball here, Gavin. If you can’t give me some real, practical steps I can take to bring about the fall of democracy and the enslavement of all mankind, I’m just going to have to find myself another blog.

Does he cover any Alanis Morisette songs? that would be like 10,000 spoons.

TS, you fool. They’re in Tiajuana not Tirana!

Oh gimme a break, vituperative utterances, vociferous vitriol? I suspect someone just discoverd MS Word’s thesaurus.

I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for the inspiration for this new tune:

The Folks at “Sadly, no” (I Sadly Know)
words and so-called music by Dr. BLT (c) 2005 pending
http://www.drblt.com/music/SadlyNo.mp3

That’s so sweet. You shouldn’t have.

If everything is separately dubbed onto that track, (guitar, vox1, and the falsetto) why does it sound as if the person is trying to walk and chew gum at the same time?

Now that’s a real toe tapper!

Stagnant in their groupthink.
Smug in their sarcasm.

That’s just so beautiful.

Dear God,

I know that I’ve been very, very, very, very, naughty and stagnant in my groupthink and smug in my sarcasm but please oh please I promise, promise, promise to be good for the rest of my life if you’ll only grant me this one wish: Dr BLT wins the Grammy for his song Sadly, No.

Muchas Gracias,
GregH

That was awesome. I didn’t get the line about circumcision, however.

I’d have hoped he could have worked in the term “mal de mer” Not only does it play to my profound vanity, but it’s an evocative expression, on so many levels.

I smell Grammy on this one.

MDM, I don’t think that’s grammy you smell! LOL!!!11!

Not bad for transcribing one-finger LGF posts and setting them to music. Still, BLT is never going to crack the Top 20 until he learns to break up his jut-jawed, send-me-in-Sarge preachifyin’ with colorful pop references such as “get some stanky on my hang-down.” Stiff-ass patriotism is SO 1940s. Time to take it to the next level with a little lyrical experimentalism and a programmable MIDI hi-hat set.

MDM, I don’t think that’s grammy you smell! LOL!!!11!

You haven’t smelled my grammy lately; moth-balls and stale cigarette smoke.

Just kidding, Grams!

…eh, I’m lying anyway; both my grand-mothers are long dead.

I thought maybe the whole Dr. BLT thing was an elaborate satire, but now I’m beginning to doubt. Is he for real?

Keep the insults coming. The song, The Folks at Sadly, no! (I Sadly Know) was designed to be the mirror it is proving to be. Serioiusly though, jealousy-inspired insults are compliments in disguise. Have any of you heard at least ten of these songs? If you have, let me know, and be honest. I will respect your opinion if you sincerely listen to 10 of my songs beginning to end. But please offer constructive criticism. Psychologists also have feelings, and right-wingers need love too. I love you all, even the ones who love to hate me. You probably didn’t get much love growing up, and so now all you know how to do is hate. I don’t mean to pull the shrink card, but, after all, that’s what I do for a living and will continue to do until you guys have made me rich and famous.

Tijuana? No, no, they wrote it down… right here… just a second….

Hmmm, I suppose that could be a “ju” instead of an “r,” but if that’s what it is, that frickin’ Asshat needs some remedial penmanship lessons, let me tell you.

Well, now what the hell am I going to do? The cheapest route from Tirana to Tijuana goes via Turin, Tehran and Toronto with a layover in Tarawa, and it costs 500,000 leks, which I don’t have (since I had to bribe the desk clerk at the Trump Tirana to let me sleep in the valet’s shed).

Uh-oh… gotta go. The men in dark suits are staring again.

Heh… So Dr. BLT is a shrink? And his style of therapy is to insult with pop psychology analysis (“you didn’t get enough love, so now you hate”) and offer unconditional (but not very sincere) “love” of his own? Wow, no wonder he needs to supplement his income by selling CDs.

(Speaking of sincerity, how do you “sincerely listen” to music?)

On the other hand, since we’ve obviously driven so much traffic to Dr. BLT’s musical extravaganza site, it’s only fair that he drive traffic back to us. Now, what can we sell to take advantage of this bonanza?

Psychologists also have feelings, and right-wingers need love too. I love you all, even the ones who love to hate me. You probably didn’t get much love growing up, and so now all you know how to do is hate. I don’t mean to pull the shrink card, but, after all, that’s what I do for a living and will continue to do until you guys have made me rich and famous.

This is getting a little tragic. I think I’ll have to up the snark to prevent any real humanity from seeping through my carefully-crafted Sadno persona.

Good, Doctor – that shrink card you’re playing? Does it have a picture of Sailor Moon on the back?

Having listened to not one of his songs, I can categorically state that a rainbow themed dildo with his website address emblazoned in flaming script would be most appropriate.

Hey, he wants to troll? I want to ridicule. Seems fair to me.

“that shrink card you’re playing? Does it have a picture of Sailor Moon on the back?”-Mal d mer.
Gee, I was thinking more along the lines of Yugi-Oh!

Chill, folks. He’s only a Ph.D, not an actual psychiatrist, so don’t fall for his subtle Jedi mind tricks.

PS: Go easy on him. Guys who feel compelled to advertise the degree after their names tend to be the same men who feel nervous around Georgia O’Keeffe orchid paintings. As for the barb about our unloved childhoods, I’m sure BLT knows that the textbook response to that is, “Project much, buddy?”

Tubesock looks like he is in trouble- I am reminded of Cracker’s “Eurotrash Girl” about the exploits of a poor American going horribly horribly wrong. I just want to address the accusation of group think BLT has leveled at S,N! Is he insane? My guess if you put us all in a room and told us to pick a restaurant to eat at, there would be accusations within 5 and fisticuffs within 10 minutes. The only group think around here is we all agree that these people are loons, evidenced by their own words. And they make it easy to agree.

Oh, Citizen Kane was a revelation. The only less than 100% successful attribute was the never fully seen reporter interviewing the subjects. I thought his role was flat enough it was obtrusive, even though the whole point was he was supposed to be unobtrusive. I thought the film was mesmerizing, down to the Hermann score-

“All About Eve” was the opener, and the last scene was incredibly creepy on the big screen. The movie is long and talky but at points you feel as if it seems quite realistic, but if Kane were shown first, and other film would seem the height of artifice. Kane was such a groundbreaker in terms of realistic dialogue, non-stagey setups, realistic light- everything. The newsroom party scene was a work of absolute genius, as was pretty much every scene in the whole film.

I can say that some douchewad walking out of the earlier showing was trying to explain to his sig. other that “in the end, rosebud didn’t mean anything.” That guy probably shouldn’t see this type of movie, he’ll only hurt himself.

Oh, Citizen Kane was a revelation. The only less than 100% successful attribute was the never fully seen reporter interviewing the subjects. I thought his role was flat enough it was obtrusive, even though the whole point was he was supposed to be unobtrusive. I thought the film was mesmerizing, down to the Hermann score-

“All About Eve” was the opener, and the last scene was incredibly creepy on the big screen. The movie is long and talky but at points you feel as if it seems quite realistic, but if Kane were shown first, and other film would seem the height of artifice. Kane was such a groundbreaker in terms of realistic dialogue, non-stagey setups, realistic light- everything. The newsroom party scene was a work of absolute genius, as was pretty much every scene in the whole film.

I can say that some douchewad walking out of the earlier showing was trying to explain to his sig. other that “in the end, rosebud didn’t mean anything.” That guy probably shouldn’t see this type of movie, he’ll only hurt himself.

Psychologists also have feelings, and right-wingers need love too.

Whew! I was right, it is wickedly dead-on satire. Genius!

My bad. Capt’ Trollypants, why did you make me double post???

Tell you what, I’ll give you a little friendly criticism, not of the music, but of the lyrics. You tend a bit to didacticism, blatantly spelling out your points rather than subtly drawing your listeners to discover for themselves. Instead, try considering lyrics to be “art that conceals art.”

PP, regarding your douchewad/rosebud story – reminds me of a newly coupling couple that I saw at the 17th Street Market a few years ago. Walking down the aisle I heard him explain to her that the reason that the shrimp pate was so expensive was that it takes thousands of shrimp livers just to make a tablespoon. Initially I thought that was one of the most brilliant impromptu jokes ever but unless he had the most incredible poker face he was dead serious.

Ah the foolish things we say and do for young love and wingnuttery.

I just want to address the accusation of group think BLT has leveled at S,N! Is he insane? My guess if you put us all in a room and told us to pick a restaurant to eat at, there would be accusations within 5 and fisticuffs within 10 minutes. The only group think around here is we all agree that these people are loons, evidenced by their own words.

You couldn’t be so wrong. God, I don’t agree with that observation at all.

Speaking of inane things people say to sound smart (not you Punko; with reference to the rosebud douchewad and the shrimp-paste guy), you should go to open houses just for the hell of it. I recently had a real estate agent try to impress me with the revelation that the shelves in a bookcase can adjust for the varying height of the books. Well, I mean I never..!!

Wow, that’s hiliarous! Way to go, Dr. BLT!

(It *is* satire, right?)

Camper/Cracker – two of the hardest working bands. So happy that Camper is reformed.

BTW, from now on I want all of you to address me as Mr. GregH, M.S., P.E. and treat me with the respect that such a lofty title engenders.

OK, Doc, I’ve bitten, but had to spit out after about five songs. Sorry, guy. Ennyhoo, agree with whomever upthread re lack of subtlety. Also,pet peeve of mine, I hate it when vocals are almost obscured by the other tracks. If I’m having to strain to hear words over music, I’m not gonna listen. And that one backup singer dude of yours needs to get over himself.

BTW, from now on I want all of you to address me as Mr. GregH, M.S., P.E. and treat me with the respect that such a lofty title engenders.

I’ll consider that as soon as I’ve heard you sing. Where might I download your mp3’s?

I think Sadly No! has pretty exacting standards for its credentialed trolls.

I should get credit for knowing that I don’t have enough musical talent to warrant posting my music on the interwebs shouldn’t I?

Gasp!

there is music in this bog.

Can you link to it from the frontpage???

Not that I plan to check it out, but i do believe that playing into his hands will lead to more worthy hijinx.

‘Vituperous’, wow, stunning (in the fry-pan sense)

Gasp!

there is music in this bog.

Can you link to it from the frontpage???

Not that I plan to check it out, but i do believe that playing into his hands will lead to more worthy hijinx.

‘Vituperous’, wow, stunning (in the fry-pan sense)

Well done- points to the good doctor for creative lyrics, though I must say that the harmonies and pacing could use some serious work.

We have the best trolls on the internet.

GH,MS,PE,

CVB has more albums coming out???

S-Weeeeeeet.

“We have the best trolls on the internet.

Posted by GuinnessGuy at August 29, 2005 12:25 AM”

Hands Down

Also, GHMSPE,

why does the ‘remember me’ not work.

is it me? is it the bog?

is it the music?

you’re the masterly scientific professional engineer, after all, so hurry up and solve my problems.

😉

Alas, mdhatter, I am a lowly civil/environmental engineer and the mysteries of interwebbing are largely beyond me.

CVB released a new album last year I think. I have not listened to it. Howver, they have been touring hard as CVB/Cracker and their live shows have more spirit than this mere bog will ever be able to muster. See ’em if you can. Take the Skinheads Bowling…take them bowling.

that’s hillarious

I’m an environmental chemist.

I saw Cracker when david lovering(spelled ‘pixies’) was the drummer.

Quite right, Awesome.

i feel like a fool for not having heard (among other reasons).

I think that CVB/Cracker are self releasing their work now so unless you go to a show or are a diehard fan you would probably never nknow that they have new material.

Pixies=Yummy! Saw them once in the olden days and twice during there reunion tour. All of the shows were a violent trainwreck of angry music. Can’t complain about their passion.

I worked for Brown and Caldwell for many years. Then I quit, restored my house, just sold it and now am planning to move overseas in a few months. Do you work for a lab/consultantancy/agency?

> Have any of you heard at least ten of these songs? If you have, let me know, and be honest.

Um, no thanks, Doc. I’m all set for ipecac right now.

small private consultancy. Especially assessments.

I saw Frank Black touring with Joey Santiago,
Lovering with Cracker, and Kim with The Breeders. finally saw the Pixies last Nov at UMass.

great show.

they were louder than ANYTHING i have ever heard, and I saw the ministry/helmet/sepultura triple bill as well as Sonic Youth back when. The pixies in 2004 were still louder. It hurt so good. The seams on my pants were tickling my leg hairs, and I was a good 150 feet from the speakers. Kim turned it up to 10, for sure.

Greetings,

Sorry I’ve been away so long, hopefully I can return to adding my tiny little bit o’ wit again on a regular basis..

Anyway, I just finished laughing–hurling–then laughing some more over Dr. BLT PhD’s song “sadly no”.

I got to wondering, we need to work on connecting the bad rhyming and silly sentences found in BLT’s songs with the horrendous grammar and spelling in Marie Jon’s (or is it Jon”s???) semi-writings.

Maybe getting them to collaborate on a new CD of rightwingnutsie folk songs.

Forget the Grammy’s, we’re talking bigger than Elvis, or is it Garth??

Imagine the classics:
“My mother bought me a dictionary, but forgot to teach me to read”
“Sure Bush misunderestimates English, but he does it so much better than me”
“Heck yeah I speak Spanish, see I can say, ‘Hola Wetbacks’!”
“flowers or bullets, what’s the difference?”
“Pat Boone is a rocker, and I’m a roller”
“Gay? Well hey hey.. can you say the terror of 9-11 is all your fault?”
“I’m a down-home girl who doesn’t belong in the big-time world of shrinks-turned-folk-singers”

Then again, maybe it is true there is too much sick humor already in this world….

By the way, has anyone yet asked our esteemed doctor which is his favorite; bacon, lettuce, or tomato?

Because he does faux-folksey songs I would think lettuce, but then again, he’s just so squishably delightful, I would guess tomato, or maybe that he’s so greasy that he he makes anyone’s stomach turn that its bacon.

I can’t figure it out….

I was the first one to call Dr. BLT a “singing troll” and he won’t even visit my site and leave silly comments and links to terrible songs. I’m crushed. I am definitely reconsidering this blogging business. 🙁

I think he’s a cheeseburger in paradise.

I like shrinks, with lettuce and tomata’

Whatever. You know you’re stagnant in your groupthink, and cynicism is your home. That’s your nature, and that’s why you never grow.

Rotwang, have you ever considered enrolling in an anger management course? Must you resort to profanity-laden name-calling and adhominem attacks? You give liberals a bad name. Beth, you actually seem to have a pretty good sense of humor, but it’s Dr. Thiessen, not Mr. Thiessen—not that being Dr. Thiessen makes me any better, or that there’s anything wrong with Mr. Mr. is simply not the correct title.

Mdhatter, you too have a sense of humor. Why you waste it on someone who’s music you don’t respect is beyond me.

Rumblelizard and yagi, you, unlike the others, have actually demonstrated critical thinking skills. Of course if this was all satire, I’d ruin it all by saying that it is. But sadly enough, it’s not satire. Read it and weep, it’s how I honestly feel!

Dan Someone: You’re someone who does not have the luxury of being my patient, so until you’re willing to shell out the big bucks, you’ll have to settle for pop psychology. I have to admit, however, you have a savvy mind for business.

Chimera, sorry for your gag response to the first five songs. It’s an acquired taste. I should have told you that it takes at least six songs before that taste is acquired. Hey, just out of curiousity, did the fifth song that you gagged on happen to be Great Sex Can Ruin Your Life?

Cliff, you’ve offered me food for thought, but please–easy on the mayo!

As for Jeff, Bruce H, FM Asshat, Mel de mer and Greg H, I hate to sound like a broken record, but excessive sarcasm is the santuary for the pseudo-sagacious. To all of you: Thanks for at least noticing that I exist. It doesn’t take a psychologist to know that hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is. Thanks for not opting for indifference. Love, Dr. BLT

Heh, Mr. BLT said Asshat!

More alliterative projection by MR. BLT: sarcasm is the san[c]tuary for the pseudo-sagacious

Hey Mr. BLT I have a question for you. Let’s say I have these ‘friends’ that insist on using a title with their name even in contextually unnecessary places like blog comment boards. And let’s say the title is something like “hottest young conservative writer on the internets” a professional title such as “M.S.”, “P.E.”, “Dr.”, “PhD” or even worse a combination of more than one! Would you say that person was a suffering from inadequacies or just illusions of grandeur?

Muchas Gracias in advance for your advice. (BTW Yosef and Greg H …..SCHUUULED!!!!!1! LOL and yes the weather is gorgeous here in Baja y los chicas son muy bonitas!!!!!1!!)

*edit*..’delusions of grandeur’

So, let’s all get together and ignore him!

“Whatever. You know you’re stagnant in your groupthink, and cynicism is your home. That’s your nature, and that’s why you never grow.”

Gee, I always considered myself an existentialist.

hehehe. stagnant. bog. hehehehe.

damnit, remember me, damnit!!

“Mdhatter, you too have a sense of humor. Why you waste it on someone who’s music you don’t respect is beyond me.”

I never disrepected your music, hell, i never even ~listened~ to your music. I probably disrespected Alanis Morisette’s music, and maybe Jimmy Buffets’ too, but I have a soft spot for both of them.

Maybe i disrespected your use of language, choice of words, but hey, the doors WIDE OPEN right here. I have no halo. Music at least implies rhythym, and the word vituperous has NO rhythym.

VERY WHITE WORD

I generally don’t like new lyrics to old songs, nor anything too clever by half, especially when combined with purple prose and alliteration. The transcripts indicated D) all of the above.

Similarly, I don’t like the way the death star blows up in the re-released episode IV.

Call me what you want. Call me anything in the book. Hate me. Put me down. Leave out the “Dr.” part of my title if you don’t respect my education. Replace it with Mr. or “singing troll” or, better yet, with all the profanity that can fit into your bleeding hearts. Put down my songs— songs you haven’t even heard, good songs, bad songs, songs you don’t understand, songs you will never hear, songs you have projected your political bias onto. Songs that you project your fear of creative risk onto. Put down my politics. Laugh at me. Ridicule me. Try to ignore me. Even by engaging in efforts to ignore me, you are allowing yourself to be influenced by me—a right-wing shrink from the prairies of Saskatchewan with a genuine love for liberals (tough love though it may be), and a six-string weapon of mass construction that I intend to use to rebuild everything you tear down.

Not disrespecting your education but rather your insistence that your title be used at all in a non-professional context.

Yo Doc, can you post the lyrics for “Great Sex (can ruin your life)” here? Just it’s kinda hard to make them all out on the MP3 and your site?s a real bugger to navigate around. And also, if it’s not too much trouble, could you also post instrumental and acapella versions of Great Sex on your site? Preferably 16 bit stereo at 44,100khz. Thankee.

In a completely unrelated query, does anyone know a link to a downloadable version of “The Case of the Smiling Stiffs” soundtrack?

Y’know the obvious step now is to get MJ to put up a site where you can download a whole album of SN-centric songs by Dr BLT, complete with cover art by Kerry Marsala. And then for the launch, get Amber in to do the catering.

BTW, with a little finessing your last post could probably be turned into a passable song.

“a six-string weapon of mass construction”

So, Mr. Thiessen gives himself away. He’s NOT actually “Dr. BLT” — he is, in fact,”El Kabong.”

Dr, Your Excellency, Sir: You have touched me. I woke up in the cynicism that is my home and recognised it for the crack-ridden tenement it is.

I was moved, therapeutically, to song. I’ve the lyrics so far:

You’re a mean one, Mal de mer.
You really are a heel.
You’re as cuddly as a cactus,
You’re as charming as an eel.
Mal de mer.
You’re a bad banana
With a putrid, purple peel.

Notice the carthartic alliteration in the last line.

Wow, I made BLT’s riposte! I’m gonna clip this web page, frame it and hang it on my wall. (Note to self: Get tougher scissors for the LCD screen.)

Anyway, I like to think I don’t need the “luxury” of seeing a Psacramento psychologist from Psaskatchewan, particularly one who is willing to dispense diagnoses over the internets and even in songs [scroll down to FarhenHYPE [sic] 9/11 (The Song)].

But I have to say, it takes a special kind of mind to come up with something like this: “Aaliyah’s life story, reminds me of Albert Camus’s Myth of Sisyphus. He was condemned by the gods to roll a massive rock up a hill. Every time he reached the top of the hill, the rock would roll back down the hill. I can’t help wondering if this story is the source of the term “rock ‘n roll,” After all, not only did he spend his whole life rocking and rolling, but his story foreshadowed the tragic fate of many contemporary rock ‘n roll and R&B legends.” If only we libruls had a deep thinker like that to champion OUR side.

Mel de mer, though it may be your low self-esteem talking, I feel honored and humbled to have stirred up a little creative inspiration in you. Dan Someone: My casual clinical impressions are not meant to be taken as definitive diagnoses. I do have an initial impression, or tentative hypothesis concerning your overall condition, and, if that hypothesis were to be proven correct with a formal clinical analysis, the prescription would likely be more of my tunes. As for the reference to the article, I don’t mean to sound defensive, but this was one of the first pieces of mine on modern music that was ever published. I’m like wine, I get better with age. As I’ve previously mentioned, I’m an acquired taste, and some of you who are used to cheap beer cannot handle the taste of fine wine. Though referring to myself and my music as wine that is in the process of aging, and thus, getting better, may sound haughty or boastful, I say these things with the utmost sense of humility.

As for Kerry Marsala, have you visited her internet gallery? She does some pretty awesome work. As for those of you who have been critical of Bryan Preston, he is a fine writer–good enough to be published in the most successful conservative journal in the world, and he even finds time to be the sound engineer at NASA. I’m not just saying that because he gave me a great review of my CD, Right-wingers Need Love Too. He’s a great person and I have a great deal of respect for him.

Doc. BLT-

Which singer on “The Folks at Sadly, No!” is you? The really flat one or the one with the weird accent? Or both?

Mel de mer, though it may be your low self-esteem talking, I feel honored and humbled to have stirred up a little creative inspiration in you.

Oh, not just a little. I’ve got creative inspiration galore. It’s oozing out of every pore of my body. Look at the song I just came up with, just this instant:

Oh, I really should have known
By the time you drove me home,
…Mal de mer.
By the vagueness in your eyes
The casual good-byes,
…Mal de mer.
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face,
…Mal de mer,
That to-old me
Maybe You might ha-ave so-ome advice to give,
…Mal de mer
On how to be
I-insensitive
…ie. you’re insensitive, Mal de mer

That last line needs a little work.

Oh, ye gods. I’ve been accused of critical thinking by a man who named himself after a sandwich.

I don’t know if it gets any lower than this.

songs you haven’t even heardSo far, those are my favorites.

songs you will never hearI think I just found some new favorites.

I’ve just checked the statistics on my website and the average number of hits quadrupled over the weekend. I lost track of the count, but the number of MP3 downloads rose to staggering levels. This has all come about since you folks at “Sadly, no” that I sadly know started ripping into my songs. I may not be so sad to know you after all. I wouldn’t go so far as to say you’ve made me more popular than the Beatles, but I may have become as unpopular among left-wingers as John Lennon was among right-wingers the day he announced that the Beatles had become more popular than Jesus Christ. It’s been a bittersweet journey. Thanks for letting a right-winger like me hitch a ride on your left-wing train.

Mal de mer: Sadly, I’ve grossly underestimated your talent. You are a great songwriter. And they say it takes one to know one. Rumblelizard: Just to set the record straight: I did not name myself after a sandwich. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the letters, BLT are my initials. All of this misinformation makes me ask: Did any among you report to the Associated Press that I said I was more popular than the Beatles? If one of you leaked such misinformation, please fess up. Please go back and read my last blog entry. Of course the whole thing could be my “illusions of grandeur” speaking. I don’t mean to be anal retentive, like one of the grammarian perfectionists who has been beating me up over grammarian minutae, but it’s supposed to be “delusions of grandeur.” I didn’t say I was more popular than the Beatles. I’m not suggesting it was you, Rumblelizard just because you falsely assumed my name comes from a sandwich. As far as the songs you haven’t heard yet being your favorites, Rumblelizard, I totally get your drift. Your sentiment is optimally expressed in the classic Carly Simon song, “Anticipation.”

He should try recording African-American urban music, then he can call himself “The Shrink Rap!’

(crickets)

hello, is this thing on???

“I’ve just checked the statistics on my website and the average number of hits quadrupled over the weekend. ”

Umm, isn’t pride one of those bibical sins?

And what does “quadrupled” mean here. From 5 to 20 hits a day? And aren’t most of ’em mocking unbelievers, staggering over from this site, booze in hand, underwear on head, and catherters liberally attached?

And where’s me sampleish chunks of “Great Sex”. Don’t you want the royalities Doc Snack? Do you want to prove you think yer work won’t stand the test of genial drugfucked time and/or technology and/or space twits like moi?’

C’mon Doc, lets parteee. Execute some cool here.

“and a six-string weapon of mass construction that I intend to use to rebuild everything you tear down.”

What did woodie Guthrie’s Guitar say on it?

“This Machine Kills Fascists”

He had the talent to back that up.

we only ‘tear down’ what is theust before us.

this place is a SNARK TANK you moron.

you can’t chum the water, THEN CRY FOUL

how pathetic.

Now here’s some lyrics, that EVERYONE around here can sing along with, with mutual gusto and connecto.Anyway play loud what there is there as the Brooklyn Funk Essentials take the whole thang to the extreme with –

“I Got Cash”

I got the cash in fuck you quantities
Know what?
That makes you uncomfortable
Fuck you and the Range Rover you drove in on
Fuck your Saab convertible
And your twice weekly trips to the analyst
Stupid Motherfuck
Fuck the Hamptons, Maine
And the fly infested south of France
I’m paid, asshole
Got more cash than God can count
So why don’t you just…die
Choke on your damn designer bagel from Balducci’s
Low cholesterol, naturally
Fuck your big old Sunday New York Times
Fuck the Wall Street Journal
And Newsweek and the lot
Including Nation, Villiage Voice, Guardian and the rest
Stupid set of priviledge motherfuckers
Think it’s fashionable to have an ‘alternative view’
And fuck, if you can
Your pencil thin, evian drinking
Calorie counting, caffine limiting
sodium sparing, nutra-sweet sweetening
rear-view-mirror-preening
carrot-nibbling bunny
Go drown in a lake of diet coke, fucker
I got cash_What else matters
I got cash?Slave
Fuck your fencing
Screw your squash
Piss on your polo
And your Pavarotti
Fuck all that shit you call music and pretend to enjoy
I got cash
Mega cash
Unhappy with that?
Oh, go sit on your ski rack!
Money talks
You little pussy_
And let your politically correct pals know
That I think you’re a dick also
Neutered asshole
Your idea of multiculturalism
Japanese restaurant on Monday
Indian on Tuesday_And on Wednesday, Carribbean
Not too spicy please!
Well, I’ve got stash on stash
And it ain’t nouveau cash
Money’s been in my family for generations
My great, great, great grandfather made the bag
Selling European slaves in Africa
I got cash, motherfucker
And you can’t tell wwhether or not I’m joking
Can you?

Laugh at me. Ridicule me.

Well, if you insist…

Three keeprs from this thread:

1) “I don’t mean to sound defensive”

2) “I say these things with the utmost sense of humility. ”

3) “I don’t mean to be anal retentive”

are you SURE.

as a shrink, you know that those who feel the need to say siuch things are usually compensating for their self-percieved flaws in theses areas.

your need to mention them is very reassuring, i really believe you’re the stable rock you claim to be, now.

and as a brewer, I must say, the very best wine or beer is the kind tht sits in your basement, aging QUIETLY until consumed.

If my wine or beer were as bitter or fruitless as your efforts here, Dr. BLT, I’d dump it.

Now here’s some lyrics, that EVERYONE around here can sing along with, with mutual gusto and connecto.

Fuck your Saab convertible

Ahem. Saably, No!

My favorite wingnut of all is Bob Sinclair, former CEO of Saab USA. Epic mailing-list battles have taken place between Bob and certain people with whom one might be familiar. Briefly, the 900 convertible was Bob’s idea — and compared to certain political notions we’ve duelled over, it was a pretty genius one, IMHO.

My Swede is 28 years old, and let me just say: That car will be driving long after we’re all just a memory to our grandchildren. So don’t be Saabing any Saab-convertible Saab-whatsis, denigrating the nobility of Saabs. One’s supposed to what, drive a V*lv*? Woo. Jeesh.

Oh, go sit on your ski rack!

Suksi vituun! (heh heh)

Sorry; I’ll stop bogging down the thread.

Curse you, BLT, answer my question! Are you the flat one or the weird one on your tribute to Sadly, No?

I think the docotor is busy putting da’ bait back in debate.

At least he’s good with the spelling and punctuation.

Look, I just pastebombed the above lyrics in here while quite blotto.

And for a reason!

Drunk if I fucked what it was.

Doc BLT,

Really, honestly, I tried to listen to your song collection, but halfway through the first song, i felt this uncomfortable sensation ripping through my torso and i was sure that your lyrics (which move as gracelessly as a ballerina with clubfeet) had caused my colon to attempt to reach up from the lowest extremes of my abdomen, and through my thoracic cavity in some vain attempt to throttle my brain for undertaking such masochism.

Self-confidence is all well and fine, but when it renders you completely oblivious to a lack of talent, it ceases to be a positive

More like a bologna sandwich (on stale whitebread with two-week-old mayo and some limp arugula) than a BLT if you ask me.

But if he hurries he can still make the American Idol slush pile casting call. Unless he’s too much of a wussy to compete.

Mal de mer: Sadly, I’ve grossly underestimated your talent. You are a great songwriter. And they say it takes one to know one.

Oh, you are a great song-writer, no doubt about that. If not greater than John Lennon, at least greater than, oh I don’t know…Jann Arden?

…What’s that rumbling in my bowels? Oh my God, another song’s coming on:

The girls are out to Bingo and the boys are gettin’ stinko,
And we think no more of Inco on a Sudbury Saturday night.
The glasses they will tinkle when our eyes begin to twinkle,
And we’ll think no more of Inco on a Sudbury Saturday night

Hum…that one was less a reflection of my troubled soul than an expression of my solidarity with the working man. Gosh, I’m just emoting all over the damn place, here.

I’m sorry some of you don’t have the stomach for my songs. Yet you are like children who keep touching the hot stove and getting burned every time. And you keep feeding the troll. Big mistake!

If pride is a sin, Nabakov, and it is, I plead guilty. I am the biggest sinner of them all. But it takes a certain modicum of humility to admit that. As far as royalties are concerned on Great Sex Can Ruin your life, I don’t care about money. I’m even losing interest in fame, even as all of you are handing it to me in a silver platter. OK, I’ll work on de-throning the pride. You’ve made a point.

md hatter: It’s quite an honor to be compared to Woodie Guthrie, but as the two stars of that old show, Wayne’s World once said when they were introduced on the show to Alice Cooper, “I’m unworthy!”

Big Worm: Patience is a virtue. Neither the weird one nor the flat one on The Folks at Sadly No (I Sadly Know) is me. I had a sore throat from having to swallow all of your vitriol, so I brought in Bob Dylan for the honors.

Woodrowfan, or is it Dr. Woodrowfan? Great marketing advice, but the shrink rap thing has already been invented by yours truly. Bin there,/done that. Tear apart these shrink rap numbers:
This is Your Soul (On Parole)
http://www.drblt.com/music/ParoleEx.mp3
Shrink Rapped:
http://www.drblt.com/music/shrinkRap.mp3
and, last but not least:
Dr. BLT’s Self-esteem Engine:
http://www.drblt.com/music/Selfesteem5.mp3

Also, for whoever delivered the profanity-laden “I Got Cash,” I’d like to direct you to one of my songs with a similar title, but packed with much less hostility. It’s a tribute to Johnny Cash and it’s called I Want My Cash Back. I don’t seem to have immediate access to the direct link, but I’m sure you can find it by going to my website: http://www.drblt.com, going to the link at the bottom where it says free MP3s now, and then scrolling down on my free mP3 jukebox. Let me know what you think of that one. Thanks again, all of you, for making me nearly as unpopular with left-wingers as John Lennon was with right-wingers the day he announced that the Beatles had become more popular than Jesus Christ. I thank you, and I thank God for bringing all of you into my life.

Rumblelizard just because you falsely assumed my name comes from a sandwich.

I didn’t falsely assume anything, Dr. Sandwich. I was making a joke. It was a kind of silly joke, but it was a joke nonetheless. You see, getting jokes takes a certain amount of wit. And while you seem to think you are a wit, I must sadly inform you that you are only half-right about that.

As far as the songs you haven’t heard yet being your favorites, Rumblelizard, I totally get your drift. Your sentiment is optimally expressed in the classic Carly Simon song, “Anticipation.”

Your reading comprehension skills are showing again, Herr Doktor. I didn’t say anything about any of your songs being my favorites. Try to keep up, sir!

Your sentiment is optimally expressed in the classic Carly Simon song, “Anticipation.”

Now that song, Doctor, has a gorgeous D2min7 voicing in it.

Guys, this is all well and good, but even Herr Doktor Turkey Club (Hold the Mayo) recognizes that (a) he is a troll and (b) we are tossing him mass quantities of the troll’s favorite snack, attention.

This guy is old news. Swatting at him is like heroin: a big high at first, but pretty soon, it’s not enough and you have to move up to snorting Drano out of a dead hooker’s navel. Or so I hear. Surely there are bigger and better nuts on the wing by now.

Sure, after 100 comments and a million downloads, the voice of sanity chimes in.

Maybe I just don’t understand how psychiatrists think and function, but wouldn’t they rather spend their free time participating in activities that are healthy and increase grey matter (like reading classical literature) rather than hanging around a blog comments board being smug and trying to rile up the regulars and webmasters?

No offense to anyone here. This is one of my favorite blogs and I read it whenever I can… but if I were a psychiatrist, trolling a blog wouldn’t be on my activities list.

Or maybe I just have this warped illusion that all psychiatrists are superbly intelligent people who are above the average person when it comes to maturity and rational thinking.

Or maybe I just have this warped illusion that all psychiatrists are superbly intelligent people who are above the average person when it comes to maturity and rational thinking.

Definitely a misapprehension, Lib. Anyone who works in the mental health profession can tell you that sometimes it seems the number of emotionally or mentally unsound people treating patients almost outnumber the patients.

Of course, this doesn’t hold true for all psychiatrists and psychologists. There are some people who are also psychs who are truly wise and good.

Seeing other damaged people is good for one’s self esteem, after all.

It’s just a silly song I wrote about my involvement in the MTV-video-award-nominated music video by Cake for the song, Short Skirt/Long Jacket.

Hm. One knows someone with that tagline.
http://vestalvespa.blogspot.com

Jeez, chill out, Dr. BLT. I just asked a question. It wasn’t vicious vitriol, just a query regarding your vivacious vibrophonic vittles of vanity.

I fricking love this guy! I mean brillant! I want to be a professional sandwich. I literally cannot stop laughing and I have yet to contribute to the staggering increase in his web traffic. I think I’d laugh myself to death if I actually heard a song.

I really like all the criteria one must meet before the doctor will respect you as a critic. I mean all you have to do is write for a conservative website and he’ll quote you all over the place. But to think he sucks one must, listen to 10 of his songs, have your song on the radio, and some other crap I can’t rememeber. Brillant.

Dr. Cornbeef on Rye? See, everyone of you is trying to imitate me now. You even want a name like mine so you can be added to the menu. But only I have the credentials and the initials to back up my name. But there is only one Dr. BLT. Make no mistake about it. And as insignificant as I might be when one considers the big picture, I was born to engender what Piaget refers to as assimilation and accomodation in all of you left-wingers. As for the 10 song rule, is a fair one. Laugh if you must. Do you think I should blindly accept your criticism after you may have heard somebody quote one or two lines out of context on one of the songs I may have written and recorded on a bad day?

Dr. B.L.T., are you any relation to “Dr. T and his women”??

I saw where you mentioned Johnny Cash a bit further up in this thread…

Is there any possibility that the reason you talk and behave as you do, is that you see the parallels between yourself and “A Boy Named Sue”??

As for alliteration aspiring to absolute awesomeness.. Well, you are the King of Corn!

But it you want to hear quality folk songs, done by today’s artists, have you heard “Unbleeped – Keep your Jesus Off my Penis”? (no profanity in it, I promise; unless you consider “penis” a dirty word — Fraud, I mean Freud, didn’t think so — sorry for that freudian slip….)

Email me, I’ll send it to you.

Just for the record, I am a grad student, and my thesis advisor is Dr. Dr. Carter Hull J.D. Meaning he has two Ph.D’s and a J.D. Funny thing is that he prefers Mr to Dr Dr JD, except when he confronts other blowhards with PhDs. And he is a Vietnam War vet who was shot down and to this day has schrapnel in his skull.

A word of warning to you Dr. Tasty lunch sandwich, there is always someone higher up than you on the ladder. Your mocking only makes you look like the pathetic one.

HINT: Humility means being humble.

Second Hint: appearing smart to others means you are able to recognize subtlety, intent, and humor, and sarcasm embodies all three. Being more witty makes one truly smart, being whiny makes one look, well, whiny.

Go ahead and send Dr. JD after me, Jeff. If he stands in opposition to my ideology, I’m ready to take him on in a little debate, and I promise, I’ll do it with the utmost humility, and with the utmost respect for his education and for his service in the military. I’ll be the first to admit, when it comes to Ph.D.’s I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed. But I’m always up for a challenge. As for A Boy Named Sue, I can kind of relate to the story in that song. My parents probably gave me the initials BLT so people like you would make fun of me, like they did of Sue in the story told by the great Johnny Cash. Like Sue, in the story, it has only served to make me stronger. You are a man of wit, and I readily acknowledge that I have been a little too whiny at times. I stand corrected.

OK, I realize that this comment from the good Doctor came quite a ways up the comments thread, but Dr. BLT said,

As for Kerry Marsala, have you visited her internet gallery? She does some pretty awesome work.

Um, doc? Though this linked-to thread started out mocking Kerry M., it quickly devolved into mocking you. It was the thread where you came to light. Though there are occasional snipes at KM’s paintings, and she, in fact closes-out the comments. But, it was mostly you, all the way around. C’mon. Show a little faith. We’ve been there, mocked that. It’s what we do. We’re quite thorough.
Just to jog the ol’ memory.

Thanks for jogging my memory. That moment when things began to devolve marked a major twist of fate and a welcome turning point in my heretofore lackluster (with my cameo appearance in the Cake music video and a little national airplay here and there) recording career. Those words in brackets are intended to be self-mocking, so please don’t take them as arrogant braggadocio.

Greetings,

I truly don’t mean to be offensive, its just that this is a site of sarcasm, that’s what we do. It’s like that age old question, “why do ducks duck and bees bee?”

But seriously, My advisor would indeed be a good debating partner for you, but, alas he is actually a busy man, putting his knowledge to work (unlike those of us who hang out here and poke fun at those who do). He is working 24/7 to protect you and others like you who hate and disparage those like us. We are working on real-time Lithium-3 glass neutron detectors that can scan trucks and cargo as it passes by so the bad guys cannot smuggle nuclear weapons into this country. We do this because 1) we are scientists 2) we want to protect our country from the bad guys, 3) we do it because (inspite?) of both being immutably liberal.

http://www.nucsafe.com

And what do you do? Oh yes, sing songs berating people like us.

Finally, I forgot, my email does not show up, it’s:
stutz[at]unlv[dot]nevada[dot]edu

use it, don’t abuse it.

P.S. I think you’d really get a kick out of “Keep your Jesus off my penis”

quick correction, sorry for the multiple posts.

Point 3 above should read:
3) we do it because (inspite?) of both of us being immutably liberal

I’m sorry, Jeff, but where I come from, we don’t juxtapose the name of Jesus and the word penis, any more than the words Piss and Christ. Some things in my world are still sacred. What world to you live in?

Just for the record, Jeff, I don’t hate you. It’s called tough love, though maybe I’ve been a bit too tough on you. You seem like a smart guy, and I would have e-mailed you by now, except (notwithstanding my recent penchant for diversions like this), I also work 24/7. I work full-time as a clinical psychologist, teach university courses in the evening (though my wife and I just had a baby and I’m taking a break from teaching), and, if you’ve done your homework on me, I write articles. If you listen closely, you’ll hear my baby making making noises on my new tribute to victims of the recent hurricane. I try to preserve a quiet recording environment, but my little baby girl always insists on being on nearly every recording. (Dan Someone would probably go crazy if presented with such a challenge). He demands perfection, but doesn’t seem to realize that this is not a perfect world. I forgive him for that.

Anyway, if I have a little extra time first thing in the morning, I try to squeeze in a little songwriting and recording into my schedule. Have you only listened to songs of mine that you take as berating you? Try some of the more friendly ones. It will soften the blow, and maybe even cause you to laugh a bit over my obvious lack of talent. In fact, some of the songs are so poorly written,so poorly engineered and my voice is so terrible on them that if you can get through them without gagging to death, I’m told it’s actually rather entertaining to hear them. Based on what appears to be such a dramatic increase in traffic at my website (I wouldn’t be surprised if I was approached by a major record label one of these days), since you folks have been throwing rotten tomatoes at me, some apparently even find a perverse sort of guilty pleasure in my tunes.

Greetings,

First a second quick correction… I must have been really hammered last night because I confused H-3 and BF3 (gas neutron detectors) with glass Li-6 scintillating detectors.

Anyway, I am glad that you can find time in your busy 24/7 schedule to sing songs and be a father to your little girl, and still hang out here. You are so noble.

BLT wrote:
“Based on what appears to be such a dramatic increase in traffic at my website (I wouldn’t be surprised if I was approached by a major record label one of these days)”

So I take it then that you’re going to give up your noble work 24/7 on head shrinking and caring for your daughter for the more noble job of recording tinny-sounding folk songs, all based on the fact that you’ve received a bump in web site hits due to the good folks here at Sadly, No!

Can I take it then, if this comes to pass, that you will owe all your success to us??

Well, no thanks are necessary.

BLT:
“I’m sorry, Jeff, but where I come from, we don’t juxtapose the name of Jesus and the word penis, any more than the words Piss and Christ. Some things in my world are still sacred. What world to you live in?”

So, if I understand this right, if I were to say that Jesus, while he was human, occasionally had to take a piss using his penis; that would be a bad thing.. In spite of the fact that all other human males do the same?

WOW!

You are indeed worthy of that PhD!!!!

(Here and I thought all that anti-gay rhetoric about keeping the male Jesus off another male’s penis would appeal to you)..

Oops! My bad, didn’t you just juxtapose both “Jesus” and “penis” AND, “Jesus” and “Piss” in the same sentence yourself??

Whoopsie!!

I did, Jeff. I’m guilty as charged. Why don’t we both give up the practice right now before it becomes habitual?