It’s Time To Break Out The Thorazine*
naked body double for Corrado “Junior” Soprano
After a long day wandering the halls of his retirement home, screaming “feminist,” “bitch” and “dyke” at the nurses and female residents, RenewAmerica superstar Carey Roberts settled down at the community computer long enough to pound out a new classic: “Ladies, want job security? Just scream ‘abuse!’ “ This new volley launched in the war of white men everywhere to overcome female oppression not only demonstrates Carey’s clear-eyed view of the modalities of female enslavement of men, but also puts on display his unparalleled ability to interpret proposed legislation to uncover dastardly consequences that not even a Harvard law professor could find.
Carey’s target is the Security and Financial Empowerment Act, which he believes is designed to assure that no woman ever gets fired. As he sees it, this means that eventually women will push all men out of their jobs and create an Amazonian society where every man in America is locked up in a basement, surviving only on granola crumbs and constantly subject to sexual humiliation by female masters.
The whole process gets started by the bill actually allowing woman to appear before judges.
The concept is so simple, it’s amazing no one dreamed this up before. Here’s how it works: All you have to do is trot down to the local courthouse and convince the judge your husband or boyfriend did something that caused “substantial emotional distress or psychological trauma” — those are the words from the SAFE bill: http://www.govtrack.us/congress/billtext.xpd?bill=h111-739
Now, you’re probably thinking “What’s so bad about that?” But you obviously don’t know the lengths women will go to claim that something traumatizes them the way Carey does:
Remember during the Super Bowl when your heartthrob let loose a terrifying groan after Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner threw that boneheaded first-half interception? Or when he issued that blood-curdling whoop when the Steelers grabbed the lead in the final 35 seconds?
As we all know, watching professional football multiplies men’s proclivity to domestic violence, and any strange utterance signifies he may be teetering on the brink. Of course you were frightened and traumatized, weren’t you? Congratulations, you are now a victim of battering!
To fully understand where Grump-Pa is coming from here, you should realize that he still thinks that his wife divorced him because of his incessant, but altogether necessary, moaning and yowling during his diurnal defecations, rather than because of fifty-some years of embarrassing behavior by him at social gatherings.
Now what? Simple. Just tell the boss you were manhandled by your partner. Now settle back and get ready for all the bennies! The list is pretty long, so you might want to take notes.
Most of all, you have lifelong job security — because the bill prohibits the employer from ever firing you! Maybe you think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. Section 303 says: “An employer shall not…discharge…the individual [who is] a victim of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, or stalking.”
You’re probably also thinking that only someone completely insane would believe that the bill actually says that and that the ellipses and brackets added by Roberts probably have conveniently hidden some really important language that completely changes the meaning of the quoted passage. Sadly, yes! Let me show you what’s hiding behind that “[who is]”:
An employer shall not…discharge…the individual because the individual involved is a victim of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, or stalking.
I think the only possible response here is to quote from RenewAmerica’s own “publishing standards“:
Welcome to the informed community of RenewAmerica!
I really can’t top that.
*Cf.
So we may no longer be able to witness this charming scene?
Her: Hey, boss, sorry I’m late, my boyfriend beat me up yesterday because his favorite sports team blew the championship. I had to go to the emergency room to get my ruptured spleen looked at.
Boss: You’re fired.
Damn. That quote screw-up is high-larious. Jonah-esque, as it were.
Also, you forgot to note that Carey is our “old, old, old, old, old, old friend.”
Most lawmakers won’t read every word of the proposed bill, so they probably won’t notice that Rep. Roybal-Allard has pulled the wool over their eyes.
Just like most RenewAmerica readers have their heads up their ass and won’t notice that the bill’s co-sponsor is a Republican from Texas.
“an Amazonian society where every man in America is locked up in a basement, surviving only on granola crumbs and constantly subject to sexual humiliation by female masters.”
Where do I sign up?
I’m with FGFM; is this supposed to be a bad thing?
It’s Carrado Soprano, Jr., aka Junior Soprano.
Anyway, between this guy, Dennis Prager, and this manly man (who is so straight the only guy he’s attracted to is Hugh Jackman), conservatives have pretty much cornered the market on masculine confidence.
He makes…a good…point…
There does seem to be a gender crisis among conservative males these days, perhaps as a result of America electing secret woman Barack Obama to the presidency.
“Carey Roberts is … not a crazy old bastard.”
Original text:
“Carey Roberts is nothing if not a crazy old bastard.”
Me three for the Amazonian society with granola and sexytimes. Where do we sign up for that?
eventually women will push all men out of their jobs and create an Amazonian society where every man in America is locked up in a basement, surviving only on granola crumbs and constantly subject to sexual humiliation by female masters.
Speed the day.
I’m with FGFM; is this supposed to be a bad thing?
But if three people, I say three people do it, it’ll be a movement.
So, is there a newsletter?
I hesitate to gainsay Mr. Roberts’ knowledge of the law, though. Hammurabi was one of his law professors.
Maybe you think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not.
“It’s more of an outright lie than an exaggeration.”
I can haz crunchy BDSM, plz? Kthnxbai.
Me three for the Amazonian society with granola and sexytimes. Where do we sign up for that?
We’re up to at least five now. We need to make an online petition.
Death – by snoo-snoo!
What a fucking old useless fart of a fucking fartbag.
Every now and again some gassy old throwback misogynist rears his idiotic head to bleat out a woman-hating pile of 19th-century vomit like this. Always has happened, always will, until the new Amazonian era dawns and they’re all chained up in basements, as they should be. As more men seem to be “getting it,” however, each time it happens it makes me feel less like hunting the fuckbag down and stuffing him into a leaf shredder. Progress, sort of, I guess.
Not Junior Corrado.
It’s Corrado “Junior” Soprano.
Poor carey.
Study after study show the link between televised football and domestic violence has been grossly overstated, if indeed it ever existed.
But for Carey’s sake, I hope he gets help:
Now…Just…manhandled…partner. settle[d]…for…bennies! pretty long…want.
Based on HIS OWN WORDS, we can conclude that carey is a domestic abuser who is addicted to sleeping pills and has deep-seated sexual frustration.
constantly subject to sexual humiliation by female masters.
This is relevant to my interests.
I was just gonna ask…
How many domestic violence arrests does this whiny ass titty baby have in his extremely long past?
Amazonian society where every man in America is locked up in a basement, surviving only on granola crumbs and constantly subject to sexual humiliation by female masters.
I do not understand. How is that different from the United States today?
Carey “NAY!SHUN!” Roberts:
The Act:
Hm, hey, Carey? Where does either of these statements say “individual ever has been“?
While “Who is” is not an inaccurate summation of “the individual involved”, it is misleading, as it definitely deflates the immediacy of the incident.
As Rufus so eloquently pointed out in the first comment.
How hard can this be, especially for someone who’s been around as long as you have, Carey, to understand? “Today” is not “last month” or “last year” or “ever”.
These square brackets look like they could be plenty of fun.
Original:
Carey Roberts is an analyst and commentator on political correctness.
New and Improved:
Carey Roberts is an anal [leakage].
That’s nice Mr. Roberts. Thank you for sharing with the group.
It’s completely inaccurate because it omits the fact that the firing has to be “because” of the abuse. Under the language of the statute it is not illegal to fire someone who was abused; it’s only illegal if they are fired because of the abuse.
the link between televised football and domestic violence has been grossly overstated, if indeed it ever existed
It exists.
WRT the Amazon dommes: Hey, you’d be surprised how many of the Justice League go to Themyscira, aka Paradise Island, for a little of that action. Or, you know, maybe not. As with a well-known ejaculation of an anonymous noblewoman, I believe that Old Man Roberts speaks more in hope than in anger.
In the bill’s own words, “the [purpose of this legislation is to allow enormous bulldykes to rip your testes off by chaining them to the bumper of their Subarus]…”
Amazonian society where every man in America is locked up in a basement, surviving only on granola crumbs and constantly subject to sexual humiliation by female masters.
Add me to the list and oh, by the way, does Carey go to the gym with Steven Crowder?
There’s an image…
Tintin is exactly correct, and it’s a great catch besides, excellent example of bullshit editing.
MzN,
I was hedging my bets. I only did a quick Google search.
The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are [grotesque and inhuman] and do… necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica [which would not hesitate to kill a million puppies in cruel cruel cruel ways – in the name of The Lord]
TinTin,
I was being kind.
You know, liberal. 😉
Wait until Carey gets a load of this “constitution” thing:
Congress shall make … law respecting … religion, … prohibiting the free exercise thereof; … abridging the freedom of speech, … of the press; …[there is no] right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Or maybe just wait until Carey gets a load.
eventually women will push all men out of their jobs and create an Amazonian society where every man in America is locked up in a basement, surviving only on granola crumbs and constantly subject to sexual humiliation by female masters.
Jesus Christ, Mr. Roberts, NO MEANS NO.
An employer shall not…discharge…the individual because the individual involved is a victim of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, or stalking.
Well, you see, Carey’s obviously right, because he saw the invisible comma. The sentence properly ought to read:
An employer shall not…discharge…the individual, because the individual involved is a victim of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, or stalking.
Most lawmakers probably won’t see the invisible comma through the wool over their eyes. Thank God we have Old Man Carey around to tell us what all the unseen punctuation really means.
actor212, it’s not about the immediacy, it’s about the “because”.
cf: “An employer shall not refuse to hire someone [who is] a woman”
and “An employer shall not refuse to hire someone because the individual involved is a woman”
It’s completely inaccurate because it omits the fact that the firing has to be “because” of the abuse. Under the language of the statute it is not illegal to fire someone who was abused; it’s only illegal if they are fired because of the abuse.
And if you read Carey’s next ‘graf you’ll see him muck this up even more – he explicitly states that he loves blowing goats:
Bah, there was a blink tag on that comma that worked just fine in preview.
Oh, what’s this little sign here…? “Read and retype after posting: ‘FYWP.'”
Ah. FYWP
It’s Corrado “Junior” Soprano.
[D]oes Carey go to the gym with Steven Crowder?
Hey, what the fuck? I was way early on this shit.
America electing secret woman Barack Obama to the presidency.
That sounds eerily like something an old college history professor of mine would say. Except with a West Indian affect.
Hmmmm. This little screed from Carey the Kook kinda reminds me of the letter Abraham “Grampaw” Simpson wrote to the President that one time:
“Dear Mr. President,
There are too many States. Please eliminate three.
P.S. I am not a crank.”
I do not think this fellow is using sound principles of statutory interpretation here. Even if his language was correct and his interpretation the most obvious one, he might be surprised to learn that courts do not always use the literal interpretation of the statutory language in deciding how it will be applied. In fact, sometimes their interpretations seemingly run counter to the plain meaning of the statute!
“this means that eventually women will push all men out of their jobs and create an Amazonian society where every man in America is locked up in a basement, surviving only on granola crumbs and constantly subject to sexual humiliation by female masters. ”
wow. where do i sign?
I, for one, welcome the sexual humiliation at the hands of our new Amazonian overlords!
There are actually places in this country where you can be arrested for punching a wall in the presence of your girlfriend. They are called ‘domestic abuse threat’ laws, and they are a problem
… eventually women will push all men out of their jobs and create an Amazonian society where every man in America is locked up in a basement, surviving only on granola crumbs and constantly subject to sexual humiliation by female masters.
I am interested in you ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Most of all, you have lifelong job security — because the bill prohibits the employer from ever firing you!
LOL – must be nice to inhabit a picturesque fantasy world where employers would ever let pols restrict their hiring-&-firing power that completely … or where it’s the latter & not the former who really write the rules to begin with. Save me the roach from that shit, Gramps!
Just tell me those Amazons won’t be hacking off a perfectly good boob just to shoot better, & we’re good.
“You don’t even have to prove the domestic violence caused your job performance to lag. Just being a certified victim will do. [And please let me use this oppotunity to remind you that I, Carey Roberts, am inordinately fond of blowing goats]”
Oh Noes! Are the New Amazonian Overlords going to revoke our goat-blowing privledges?
There are actually places in this country where you can be arrested for punching a wall in the presence of your girlfriend. They are called ‘domestic abuse threat’ laws, and they are a problem
And the problem is . . .?
dude, i didn’t know that solomon grundy has a dad!
I’m all for a bit of sexual humiliation at the hands and stiletto-heeled-leather-boots of out Amazonian overlords – but if the menu is going to consist of nothing but crumbs of granola then count me out. You Islamofascist Feminazis want me to bow towards Mecca while praising Gloria Steinem – okay. Man-burkas embalzoned with fishes riding bicycles? Sure. But fuck with my diet and I will… I will… I will get all Passive-Aggressive and Snide-Sassy-Backtalk-When-You’re-Not-Looking on you.
WOLVERINES!!!!
OT: By clicking on through the link, I learned of the existence of a wingnut junior grade named “Flagg Youngblood” Clearly somebody with a name like that needs SN-style attention.
(Be warned however that this person is not a chickenhawk. The site says that he “spent 2003 and 2004 deployed in command of a 110-man security/law enforcement task force for the California Army National Guard at Travis Air Force Base.”)
Um, “bennies” are not sleeping pills but quite the opposite – short for “benzedrine”, those cute little white pills with the X on top that my mom used to get for when she was feeling [ahem] run down…
Don’t ask me how I know this. *cough*
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/75/75fspeed.phtml
There are actually places in this country where you can be arrested for punching a wall in the presence of your girlfriend. They are called ‘domestic abuse threat’ laws, and they are a problem
the guy in that case had his girlfriend cornered, and punched the wall 6 inches from her face. methinks that is threatening behavior.
nice try, though.
As they like to say in south Texas, let’s git while the gitting is good!
He’s a git, all right.
Did someone put itching power in his Depends?
The site says that he “spent 2003 and 2004 deployed in command of a 110-man security/law enforcement task force for the California Army National Guard at Travis Air Force Base.”
Army bases need nightwatchmen????
There are actually places in this country where you can be arrested for punching a wall in the presence of your girlfriend.
That should include a count of utter stupidity.
deep-seated sexual frustration
Heh.
As more men seem to be “getting it,” however, each time it happens it makes me feel less like hunting the fuckbag down and stuffing him into a leaf shredder.
MzNicky, if you hunted him down and stuffed him into a shredder, he couldn’t be fired because of it now.
Would a man-burka be a bro-ka?
I don’t wish to be locked in a basement. I wish to spend my days in the kitchen preparing fabulous meals for my new female overlords.
I don’t wish to be locked in a basement. I wish to spend my days in the kitchen preparing fabulous meals for my new female overlords.
Ooooo, I like the sound of that. When can you start?
That should include a count of utter stupidity.
Of course, when they hit a wall stud and bust their stupid macho fingers, that’s pretty fucking funny.
Would a man-burka be a bro-ka?
Or a burp-ka?
A man burka is called a Dutch Oven.
Geez MzNicky, you can’t just go make a statement like that without any sort of supporting links.
We’ll install kitchens in the basements so you can cook. However, you’re not allowed to eat or even sample those fabulous meals yourself– only granola crumbs for the likes of you! Multiple surveillance cams will enforce this rule, and any violations will be punished by extra helpings of humiliation.
This still sounds fine to me ‘long as we have internet access in the basements to, so we can all swap lurid tales of the latest debasements from de basements.
And Joe Max, you beat me to that bennies/speed observation. Wow, it’s been at least 25 years since I’ve seen those little suckers– the classic “white crosses.” Is it still even possible to get ahold of those? The only form of speed I’ve seen in the past two decades is vile dirty meth seemingly concocted in bathtubs by drunken bikers.
Strictly academic curiosity there, natch.
Ooops, forgot to change the name back. I confess… to limited… participation in the recent b—- phenomenon despite… despite finding it rather annoying in the… end.
when they hit a wall stud and bust their stupid macho fingers, that’s pretty fucking funny.
Been there, done that.
A man burka is called a Dutch Oven.
I’m going to have to devise a ventilation system for mine…
D-K W,
The studies I posted seem to be published after the ones you posted, but as I said, the jury is still out on whether there’s an actual link or not.
whether there’s an actual link or not.
I suspect the problem is getting reliable data. Even if we ignore the fact that domestic abuse is vastly under-reported (or assume that football/professional sports doesn’t affect the fraction of under-reporting) how does one collect data. The information is there – but all of it is layered with confidentiality requirements. Although, considering how often the issue comes up – I am surprised that no one’s actually gone through enough bureacratic hoops to get a large enough sample size for a statistically significant finding.
See, that’s the thing and I would suspect the other factor fudging the data is the correlation between watching sports on TV and drinking.
I suspect that the ultimate answer comes that watching football promotes excessive drinking and that excessive drinking, and this has been established, is causative to domestic violence.
Which of course does not exclude violence because of football, but it seems to me that if we can argue that video games don’t create mass killers in our high schools, then we really have a hard time making a direct link between football on TV and wife-beating.
an Amazonian society where every man in America is locked up in a basement
If this involves heat and humidity and candiru and David Attenborough wandering around in a safari suit pointing out fauna of interest, then I would rather the phenomenon does not spread to NZ.
Are we all gonna be locked up in the same basement? That’s going to be one smelly basement.
I think each Amazon will have her own basement of boy toys, but you will also to have to keep the basement clean or it gets the hose again.
Hopefully some sassy CNA will insert a catheter in this fossil sideways.
I knew I kept those whips and chains for a reason!
eventually women will push all men out of their jobs and create an Amazonian society where every man in America is locked up in a basement, surviving only on granola crumbs and constantly subject to sexual humiliation by female masters.
Cool. I usually have to pay for that sort of thing.
@ Joe Max:
But “Who Put the Benzedrine in Mrs. Murpy’s Ovaltine?”
Inquiring minds want to know!
We are following several promising lines of inquiry. There is some speculation that the drink spiking is linked to the recent spate of overalls-nembutal crime, but we are not yet able to confirm this.
I’m so happy that unlike the lot of you I’m not dumb enough to be taken in by a smooth-talking corporate shill just because he said he’d have me tied up in a basement with the granola crumbs and the Amazonians and the sexual humiliation and such as.
You don’t even have to prove the domestic violence caused your job performance to lag. Just being a certified victim will do
Yes, because no victim of domestic violence has ever been fired because her (or his, I keep being told that women abuse men, too, though I’ve only ever known of one case) boss figured the abuse was going to put pressure on the health coverage, or leading to the abuser coming in and fucking with the rest of the staff, or just didn’t want to deal with it if the victim eventually gets killed.
This is admittedly not my most coherent ever sentence, but even just finding the keyboard was harder than you’d think. Fucking Zyprexa.
wasn’t this female-dominated society an episode in season 1 of STNG. Why yes, yes it was…
http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Angel_One_(episode)
Um, “bennies” are not sleeping pills but quite the opposite – short for “benzedrine”
Which is why he settled for them!
Carey Roberts:
Big Bald Bastard: Only if the fuckhead was my domestic partner. Which, eeeeeewwwwwwwww.
Dragon-King Wangchuck: I went to Google (no longer have access to Lexis-Nexis), turned up the studies you and actor212 have already mentioned, plus this one:
http://www.allacademic.com/meta/p_mla_apa_research_citation/1/1/1/5/9/p111596_index.html
When I was studying feminist stuff in grad school I remember a couple of published articles with fairly solid conclusions re: the Super Bowl specifically and domestic-abuse calls to the authorities. Looks as though these later ones haven’t consistently replicated those findings. Hence my contention that there is a link, albeit perhaps anecdotal rather than empirical, given the research parameter difficulties you guys already pointed out.
Now go get me a beer, all of yuz, or no granola crumbs tonight!
…abuse first!
Now go get me a beer, all of yuz, or no granola crumbs tonight!
I can’t! I just watched the gimp suit and the leather’s not dry yet!
Washed, dammit, washed! Sheesh. It’s getting later earlier every day….
Mr. Roberts paints a picture of a world in which women are the sole recipients of domestic abuse, having apparently not been paying attention to his own columns. Then again it was two whole months ago so maybe we should cut the old feller some slack.
Listen, Rusty, memory loss in aging people is nothi–
Errrrrrr, what were we talking about?
Actor, you gotta stop hanging out with Michael Phelps, dude.
Y’know, an interesting comparison would be to compare the relative incidents of domestic violence between fans of football and fans of another really violent sport that watching involves a ritual of having beer: hockey.
But hockey is mostly enjoyed by the peaceful Canadians and South Canadians (Minnesotans, Wisconsinons, etc.) who would no sooner beat their spouses than they would eat broccoli without cheese on it.
Could you imagine what this guy would be writing if he didn’t live in a secular society? I imagine he’d be advocating throwing battery acid on girls who dressed like “Jezebels”.
who would no sooner beat their spouses than they would eat broccoli without cheese on it
This rhetorical device is a two-edged sword. (watch you don’t cut yourself!)
It is a two-edged sword of Damocles which should be beaten into a ploughshare.
The Thorazine™ ad linked in the post’s “Cf” mentions that it’s available as suppositories. That just really sounds like a bad scene.
You can take your Thorazine suppositories and shove ’em up your ass!
What?
I thought a suppository was a think-tank where they churn out policy papers all starting with “Let us assume that…”.
The Cato Institute for instance.
“Let us assume that…”
Not now, Cato!!!
MzNicky: Last time I checked, there was a single study showing a slight increase in hospitalization of women for a predefined set of conditions associated with domestic violence on days where a local sports team won a game. Do you have more recent information?
Hurp. Sorry, I spent too long writing that comment.
Remember during the Super Bowl when your heartthrob let loose a terrifying groan after Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner threw that boneheaded first-half interception? Or when he issued that blood-curdling whoop when the Steelers grabbed the lead in the final 35 seconds?
__________________________________________________________
So the dude was rooting for Arizona in the first half and the Steelers in the second? Enough reason to haul his schizo ass to court!
Will the persecution of wingnuts never end? They can’t drop racial slurs into casual conversation, slap women around, or shoot liberals for sport. Where, oh where, is your compassion?
Djur: The one I mentioned previously is I think from 2003 or 2005. Dunno if there have been any since then.
I don’t have a dog in this fight; I was responding originally to actor212’s suggestion that perhaps there is not/never was a link between episodes of domestic violence and televised sports events such as the Super Bowl.
I’ve long been intrigued by the vociferousness (some might even say viciousness) with which so many “feminist” studies are initially and immediately met with derision, and then attacked and reattacked (and occasionally even tested and retested! but not necessarily) until someone or other declares the originating study to be a totally made up crackpot-idea with no possible basis in reality whatsoever.
My heartthrob (hee! throb) would like to apply for the “barefoot in the kitchen” position, and wants to know when the new female overlords take over.
If you tell him you’re coming, he’ll probably bake a cake.
That would require him to think. And he’s only got ten minutes to get to the TeeVee room before Mrs. Smith does, otherwise she’ll put her dentures on his chair, thereby biting him on the ass as she cackles with glee. Of course, if he didn’t yell at the TeeVee the whole time Golden Girls was on, she wouldn’t do that.
And really, they’re slacking…no mention of this from the bill?
I would have thought that there would be some whining about this. I could think of a dozen things to whine about in that passage – if I was a conservative.
Rescrew America
Some days, it must seem like Sadly No has taken over the internet already.
Oh yeah, I forgot the stalking part, where bosses might tend to fire victims–of whatever gender–because they don’t want the expense of beefing up their job site security or being sued if something preventable happens.
I should say that I do know that men are abused as well by men and women, and that women abuse men and women. We’re a pretty shitty species when we want to be, and socially conditioned to believe a lot of weird-ass controlling and cruel behavior looks a lot like love. So, yeah, while in my experience men with female partners who beat them are rare, they absolutely do happen, and can become seriously horrible situations. But as someone pointed out, it’s actually the Old Guy Carey types who spend a lot of time emphasizing those statistically less frequent incidents so as to pretend that largely epidemic abuse against women doesn’t exist, which you can also see at play in the “he yelled at the game” bullshit he’s spewing here too. It happens, it’s bad, I’d like to see it all stop and abused persons of any gender have been welcome to my spare room in the past and probably will be again. But still, if you put the lie in play to argue some theory of discrimination against you, you should be prohibited from using the truth you’re trying to discredit to argue some other theory of discrimination against you.
Just like the fuckwit congressperson who I caught today explaining that Ronald Reagan fixed Social Security should be stood up and pelted with tomatoes every time his colleagues attempt to argue that Social Security needs fixing, preferably by just cutting the whole thing and putting old poor people on ice floes.
Again, not particularly coherent though I think it’ll do, but just you grammar nazis come over here and take my fucking meds and you try it, okay? The hell of it is I’m still hallucinating, but I’m pretty sure the Congresscritter I just referred to actually is real, if not, as the kids used to say, “for real”.
Well, I don’t know about everyone else’s, but mine is down in the dungeon, chained to a wall, blindfolded and tremulously awaiting its taste of the Captain’s Daughter.
That would be a decompassion chamber, would it?
I don’t wish to be locked in a basement. I wish to spend my days in the kitchen preparing fabulous meals for my new female overlords.
Arky, I’m prepared to take you up on that. Other guys, sorry, but I don’t have a basement. Nor do I know what granola is (nor wish to know, for that matter. Sounds unpleasantly like what Terry Pratchett described as “that bowel-lacerating breakfast concoction you favour”).
Oh, yes, for all candidates for the basement-and-B&D position – I have my own riding crop.
I’m in love with the coming race!
But hockey is mostly enjoyed by the peaceful Canadians and South Canadians (Minnesotans, Wisconsinons, etc.) who would no sooner beat their spouses than they would eat broccoli without cheese on it.
That’s where I was heading with that…
I’d sign up fot the Amazon basement humiliation gig, but with my luck I’d probably end up in the basement of the Roseanne Barr Amazon.
The evil Richard Dunn.