Eight Ways To Lose A Wife In Two Minutes
Dennis Prager gives eight reasons as to why his wife should have sex with him even when she doesn’t want to.
1. If we wait for her to get in the mood to do it with me, we could wait forever.
2. I work; she doesn’t.
3. When I feel like sex, only my feelings count.
4. She owes me sex because of all the things I do for her.
5. My feelings count more, even when she wants to have sex and I don’t.
6. If she doesn’t have sex with me, I’ll make her life miserable.
7. If she gives me sex whenever I want it, then once in a while I might engage in foreplay if I really feel like it.
8. Pretending to want to have sex with me will make her want to have sex with me.
UPDATE: Commenter “caliph garrett” wins the caption contest. The prize is, of course, a date with Dennis Prager.
You forgot the obligatory reminder: Dennis Prager’s been divorced. Twice.
Caption—Prager and “wife”.
I was trying to think of something snarky like “Hey, get a load of my wife, she looks just like a teenage boy” but then I thought, just a simple “Ewwwwww!!!!!” would suffice.
I thought you were joking, then I read the first two in his column.
So guy going to work = wife putting out. I guess that’s Prager’s view of womens’ place in society. Their job is to put out.
Ni-i-i-ice.
I like how he simultaneously argues that sex with one’s spouse is one of the greatest gifts two people can bestow upon one another as an expression of undying love…..and that it’s an obligation of the compact of marriage.
That and equating not being in the mood to have sex with not enjoying cleaning up baby poop. Women change their kids’ diapers even though poop is yucky, in the interests of the health of their child. So they should equally submit to sex with their husbands, since it’s just as gross as poopy diapers.
I hope Prager is married to a dental hygienist. That way she can wake him up at 1 in the morning for some sweet, sweet plaque removing and fluoridation. Mmmmmm yeah, baby.
I’m torn regarding the captions. Anything really funny would be based on the chick, and doesn’t she suffer enough being Prager’s RealDoll?
6. If she doesn’t have sex with me, I’ll make her life miserable.
While married, I found this actually worked. It’s called a “pity fuck”.
Dennis, I really don’t think you want to degrade your–
Oh. Too late.
Oh. Caption:
“You have learned the ways of the Farce well, my young Padawan. You will never have sex with a lady.”
When I clicked the Prager link, a pop-up opened for Coulter’s new book. Any further reading about sex would have been impossible.
I don’t even have to guess that those ‘shorter’ reasons are going to be exACTly accurate. Prager’s attitudes about sex could give his hand a headache.
Okay, I got over it.
Shorter Prager: my wife won’t sleep with me because of liberals.
I would just like to remind you all that, mock my column as you may, sexual dysfunction and ultimately divorce are always the fault of the woman. Real conservative men like myself can never fail, we can only be failed.
Here’s my suggestion for the caption:
Good for you for following these lists, son. If there’s one thing this country needs, it’s more lovers like Dennis Prager!
Wife? So that’s what he calls his hands nowadays…
6. If she doesn’t have sex with me, I’ll make her life miserable.
Too late, I’d guess.
Caption – “Dennis’ classes on marital relations weren’t as well attended as he had hoped”.
I study Latin American history, and I know in the colonial period the Catholic Church used to promote the notion of a “débito conyugal” (conjugal obligation), the idea being that otherwise spouses would look outside the marriage for sex. I can only imagine what kind of conversations between priests and parishioners that entailed.
There’s probably a homosexual innuendo for the caption involving my freshly-minted term “imPragernate” but that kid looks too nice to be tarred by that brush.
Jesus Suppurating Christ — what part of “says a lot more about me than it says about you” does Prager not understand?
” Prof. Prager unveils his new portable sperm receptacle.”
Caption: “Dennis and his bonobo in a quiet moment.”
Two of my favorite Prager-bits:
1) He considers emotional damage from sexual abuse to be the same level of problem as feeling tired from a long day.
2) He thinks that men who are currently getting everything they want from their wives will be motivated to change their behavior. Either that, or he thinks women will believe this line of bull.
What world does he live in?
Only I will have the courage to ask what everyone is wondering:
Is that his wife? Or a teenage boy?
“No, your parents won’t be worried. We’ll send them a postcard from the airport.”
Caption: Michael was such a handsome fellow. I think he had the broadest, most sincere smile I have ever seen.
Oh, wait. Wrong creepy lecherous old man. My bad.
I’ve managed to obtain exclusive video footage of Dennis Prager’s latest speaking event
“Dennis and his bonobo in a quiet moment.”
Bonobos around the world just cringed. Some infinite number are even typing a Shakespearean sonnet as we speak.
Some infinite number are even typing a Shakespearean sonnet as we speak.
Which just raised a question in my mind: If it takes an infinite number of chimpanzees to type the complete works of Shakespeare, how many chimps would it take to recreate the entire right wing blogosph–
I think I just answered my own question. The answer is, “How many right wing bloggers are there?”
“Ownership has it’s privileges, young man.”
Caption: Michael was such a handsome fellow. I think he had the broadest, most sincere smile I have ever seen.
Oh, wait. Wrong creepy lecherous old man. My bad.
FYWP.
“. . .an’ we’re going to go to the circus, and then to get ice cream, an’ then Mr. Prager is going to tell me what a ‘catamite’ is!”
Say, why does Annie Lennox have her arm wrapped around that fat old man?
“Well, son. Sex, is like changing the oil. It’s dirty, messy, there’s some synthetic stuff which doesn’t work as well, and if you have a newer model, you need to get a professional to do it for $30.”
PS.
I’m in the future byatchies!
Caption:
“How ’bout me and this one, honey? What do you think? Too old?”
“Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?”
Sadly No, he’s trying to put you out of business. His column reads like a brilliant parody of how a complete pig of a conservative would view sex. I pity his wife and anyone who has to come into contact with this jerk.
*thup thup*
Is this thing on?
Wait. The person in the pic with Prager is a woman?
*slowly backs away from the thread*
“I’m not just a spokesman for ‘Trade-your-nagging-wife-for-Young-Tony-Blair’. I’m also a customer.”
Some Guy said,
December 31, 2008 at 17:15
I hope Prager is married to a dental hygienist. That way she can wake him up at 1 in the morning for some sweet, sweet plaque removing and fluoridation. Mmmmmm yeah, baby.
Speaking as a dental hygienist, I would suggest a scaling and root planning (SRP), without benefit of local anesthetic. With very dull instruments, and a bad case of the shakes. By someone who works in the prison system.
As for a caption:
“didn’t Rush have to go to the Dominican Republic to get away with this?”
Dennis Prager: Regularly denied sex, even of the non-romantic variety.
In Part I, I made the argument that any woman who is married to a good man and who wants a happy marriage ought to consent to at least some form of sexual relations as much as possible. (Men need to understand that intercourse should not necessarily be the goal of every sexual encounter.)
He will accept blowjobs if you don’t feel like letting his pasty white ass flop around on you. If you’re lucky you might be able to negotiate him down to wanking off to a Sarah Palin speech while you quietly read People magazine.
Not to be all BAG-sy and analyze the photo…but look at the distance between the two in that “hug”, it’s like they are best buds and don’t want anyone to think they have Teh Ghey.
Speaking as a dental hygienist, I would suggest a scaling and root planning (SRP), without benefit of local anesthetic. With very dull instruments, and a bad case of the shakes. By someone who works in the prison system.
Followed by an apicoectomy thru the chin. Using the slow speed drill, of course.
OK. So my attempt had a linka non grata, apparently. One more time:
Caption: “Michael was such a handsome fellow. I think he had the broadest, most sincere smile I have ever seen.”
Oh, wait. Wrong creepy lecherous old man. My bad.
(Men need to understand that intercourse should not necessarily be the goal of every sexual encounter.)
I didn’t bother to read the pieces, but I did wonder about the “Late Night Cinemax” rationalization for when the wife says, “Fuck you and the horse you came in on.”
This is it.
Actor212, you speaka my language. And I assume you are assuming that no LA will be available for that apicoectomy either.
Wow, what a cunt.
Prager’s good deed for the day is reminding us that regular exercise is a very very very very very very very very very worthwhile investment.
String, I spent more days in the chair at NYU Dent than my ex-girlfriend did.
Maybe that’s why she’s an ex.
I wouldn’t even give Prager a bib.
6. If she doesn’t have sex with me, I’ll make her life miserable.
“If her husband is a decent man — if he is not, nothing written here applies”
Rule 6 demonstrates that the husband is not a decent man therefore nothing written here applies.
Nothing written here applies…. Hmmm maybe that’s the caption
I thought Monty Python covered Dennis’ turf three decades ago:
how many chimps would it take to recreate the entire right wing blogosph–sphere
1/2. Please do not insult chimps by comparing them to rightard bloggers. Chimps are sensitive and caring, as well as far more intelligent.
Jesus. That is the creepiest thing I’ve ever read. That poor woman.
Prager proves once again that “conservatism” has gone from being a debatable political philosophy to a transparent attempt to make being a selfish asshole look like some kind of moral code.
This is actually kind of sad, isn’t it? I mean, Dennis has devoted two columns now to complaining that his wife won’t have sex with him. Like if he gets enough positive comments, he’ll go running in to her waving a printout and yelling, “Look, honey, the Intertubes agree with me! Now let’s get busy!”
I would like to waive the five-year waiting period for the wingnut hall of fame for this piece, as it is simply too damn good.
Move over, bacon and play dough.
“Not pictured: someone with a clue”.
“P.S. Don’t think that I treat my own wife this way; I treat her as if she’s an Eagle Scout and we’re sharing a tent a long, long way away from the rest of the troop.”
“Son, women are complicated, like the Da Vinci code, except harder to crack.”
So guy going to work = wife putting out. I guess that’s Prager’s view of womens’ place in society. Their job is to put out.
I took it as a brave admission that having sex with him had no recreational value whatsoever.
Someone buy that man a melon already.
Caption:
“This is why my AM1280 contract calls for unlimited supplies of Astroglide.”
Caption: Elections have consequences, Danny…
Wait, that’s a chick?
Caption: “We’re here for the Pride parade.”
I know, I’m bad. I’m very bad and shall be going to hell.
By the way, Clif et al, Pammiecakes has a brand new spanking piece up today, and IT’S ALL IN CAPS! mostly…
Not a caption, but a prediction: In a few months, Prager will write another series of posts on how couples in troubled marriages can best avoid divorce. This will be followed shortly by a series of posts on why lesbianism is the greatest threat facing society today.
Really, what greater and purer form of love is there than to resentfully acquiesce to an annoying ordeal for someone you can barely stand to be around and who views you as a sex worker? That’s human dignity right there, it is.
Dear Mr. Prager,
Most jurisdictions made marital rape a felony at least ten years ago (!!). Please consult your local listings for details, and a dictionary to find the meaning of the word “consent.” (Perhaps you could explain, Mr. Prager, why you and so many of your ideological colleagues seem not to understand this fundamentally simple concept?)
No love, and a distinct lack of kisses,
?!
PS — Whining until your wife gets so worn down she lets you jerk off using her body is still not consent. Have a nice day!
Actor, aren’t they all written in ALL CAPS!11011! ZMYG!
BTW, that photo deserves a more fitting background. I think that’s a used car lot……. oh.
Chimps are sensitive and caring
Oh yeah? What about those Chimps in Bakersfield a few years ago that ripped off that dude’s nuts and one of his feet, then ate his face?
Nah, don’t trust the smelly little fuckers…
mikey
Oh! Happy new year!
“Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?”
HP said,
December 31, 2008 at 20:10
Followed shortly thereafter by a plea for the deciminalization of prostitution, or at least refugee status for “Dahlia”, a lovely young Bulgarian girl he
solicited thru an ad in the Village Voicechanced to meet on a Paris train.OK, what I’m getting from this is that if Prager’s wife is in the mood to screw his ass with a 12″ spiked strap-on, while he’s wearing a French maid’s uniform, then he has an obligation to consent.
Good to know
Win.
Shorter Dennis the P:
Her mouth may say “No”, but her eyes say, “Please unlock these handcuffs”.
OK, what I’m getting from this is that if Prager’s wife is in the mood to screw his ass with a 12? spiked strap-on, while he’s wearing a French maid’s uniform, then he has an obligation to consent.
Fuck.
I just finished disinfecting my brain from Pammy’s tits…
Jon Gallagher said,
December 31, 2008 at 20:32
Excellently played!
If she doesn’t have sex with me, I’ll make her life miserable.
Could it possibly be that she doesn’t have sex with you because you make her life miserable?
Will someone please explain to me why there’s a photo of a drag queen in a Santa-girlie suit accompanying Prager’s article?
http://townhall.com/photos/view/most_viewed/1018/slideshow/95836f87-96f9-4fb3-8107-0175b2a19af7/
“Drag queen Miss Wendy poses on the Reguliersdwarsstraat in Amsterdam December 21, 2008. Amsterdam is hosting its first “Pink Christmas”. A gay Christmas market has also been set up, selling sex toys, underwear books and paintings. REUTERS/Michael Kooren (NETHERLANDS)”
What, is Prager holding up male gay femmes as the standard of how female hets should behave?
Now we know why he’s smiling with his arm around that cute little twink.
“Honey? Look what I got us for Xmas!”
Oh, you mean Objectivism? Been done.
One can never have too many gay underwear books. Nor gay underwear paintings.
That is, I can’t have too many.
Off-topic, but I just wanted to add that the “Goddamn Batman” titles get me every time. Always a slice of fried gold.
Sex with Prager is rape. No, prison rape.
Mrs. Prager gives the camera a steamy “I’ll ride his shrunken prawn for money anytime” look…
It’s so sad. Dennis, even a bartender would tell you to shut up about how you’re not getting enough. But it’s also funny for exactly the same reason. As I think about it, and as I recall my years as a bartender, his list sounds exactly like what we’d hear from our most
patheticridiculous, deserving of scorn, loser customers. And they were generally louser tippers which I’m sure he is as well.What’s scarier, to me (and probably quite a few American women, as well), is the potential number of mouth breathers who will print those columns out and put them on the refrigerator for their wives to read.
Though I eagerly await the Counterpoint columns from his ex-wives. I’m guessing there are some pretty good stories just waiting to be published for our enjoyment.
“Now that I know there aren’t any pennies in your back pockets, Mr. Prager, you want me to try the front ones?”
Just now, the google said:
And, you know, it’s hard to be snarky when one’s work is done for you…
Oh, you mean Objectivism? Been done.
That’s true. I think movement conservatism starts where Objectivism let off, and greatly magnified the role of whiny victimhood.
Like Abu Gonzales claiming that he’s a casualty in the War on Terror.
Caption: “Andy and Opie – together again.”
I think Hugh Hewitt would make a great Aunt Bea.
Escape Clause/Cop-Out:
Ah yes, the ever popular “It’s OK To Rape Your Wife If You’re A Fat Gray-Haired ‘Decent’ Anglo Fascist” exception.
But it’s not OK for indecent men not to rape their wives. I mean, I … who knows what, at this point?
I think movement conservatism starts…
Pet peeve. While conservatives are merely moronic, conservative movement is oxymoronic.
In a few months, Prager will write another series of posts on how couples in troubled marriages can best avoid divorce. This will be followed shortly by a series of posts on why lesbianism is the greatest threat facing society today.
Beautiful. Exactly.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it right there Mr. Fancypants. That ain’t no moral family conservative values right there. I thought in Wingnuttia, intercourse for the purposes of mo’ bebes was the ONLY reason for intercourse.
…between a man and a woman.
.. not necessarily between a man and a guy you meet in the truck stop bathroom.
Oh, wait, I get it. One is for recreation. The other is for recreation.
Don’t really mater how he puts it, he’s still sleeping on the couch for the next couple of months.
conservative movement is oxymoronic.
I agree – I only use the term because it’s what they call themselves.
Good grief! Prager must be absolutely horrible in bed if he has to beg that much for sex from his own wife!
I bet he was the “smallest disappointment” of his womens’ life…
Good to see that Dennis is sticking to those salads.
Look at the paunch on Prader. His wife probably couldn’t find his dick even if she wanted to.
Perhaps she doesn’t want to have sex with him because he has bigger tits than she does,
caption:
The Pragers at a local convenience store, just moments before Mrs. Prager pulled out a handgun and shot her husband six times in the groin. Mrs. Prager claims she “just snapped” after years of unspeakable humiliation and disappointment.
conservative movement is oxymoronic
Unless it contains reference to the bowels of political thought.
Have Hewitt & Prager ever been seen in the same room together? A “Separated at Birth” deal, if ever.
conservative movement is oxymoronic
“Conservative movement” sounds like something that results in the production of a very small turd.
Something not unlike, say, Prager’s column.
The look of terror in the little boy’s eyes is heart wrenching.
“…Gonzales claiming that he’s a casualty in the War on Terror.”
The fuck?
What happened to The Party of Personal Responsibility? How does blaming it on John Yoo (may he suffer eternity standing, hooded, on a crate holding a wire in each hand) pass muster? Where was he when the federal prosecutors were being fired? Or, for that matter, interviewed and hired (may Monica Goodling suffer politics-based discrimination forEVER)?
Fucking Fredo is a casualty like Plaxico Burress is a casualty.
I’d just like to mention that I find it infinitely reassuring that there is a televised sporting event called “Skeleton”. It’s listed on Comcast, so it must be true.
Certainly, in the area of athletic competition, skin is vastly overrated….
mikey
…production of a very small turd.
Indeed, perhaps even a TINY one?
Man, that hits close to home…
mikey
Like Abu Gonzales claiming that he’s a casualty in the War on Terror.
Reckon there’s Young Republican pages whose sole job is helping rat-bastards like Gonzales get hit pants over his huge fuckin’ balls every morning? It’s fucking bad enough what the guy done for the past four years, but to piss and moan that no one likes him because of it is the hight of testicular obnoxiousness in my book.
In a fair world, this guy would walk while constantly covering his crotch. Man.
Hooray for Captain Spalding, hooray hooray hooray!
I think Dennis has lost weight.
I still think he is going for the “Daddy Bear” look.
1. If I wait for her to get in the mood to do it with me, I WOULD wait forever.
Corrected. Let him own the rape he believes in; not be complicit in it.
DP & HH are competing to be as fat as Bill Bennett so the winner can get the coveted morning drive spot as soon as mackerel-snapper Bennett explodes from excess.
The morning spot on the Salem/Townhall Radio Nutwork, that is. Where, we suppose, the town hall meetings are to determine which witch to burn.
I can envision a woman being married to a guy like Prager, being in the mood and saying no to him.
Prager assumes if his wife says no she’s not in the mood.
I just learned a new word which seems to apply precisely to Prager’s constant whining viz a viz his sex life. The word is perseveration. Note the bit about “cessation of stimulus.”
Oh poop. vis a vis.
good lord. first i was amused at his clumsy “men like sex; women don’t!” explanation of the world (i had no idea i was a man!) then i got irritated that childhood sexual abuse=just kinda not feeling like it. i was briefly amused when i started thinking about how much he’s telling the entire interwebs about his own relationship problems (WE GET IT. NEITHER OF YOUR WIVES LIKED TO FUCK YOU. I’D SAY WE’RE SORRY BUT I REALLY THINK YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF.) but ultimately, i’m just horrified at his justification for non-consensual spousal sexual interactions.
ugh. thanks for reminding all us single folks that it could be worse.
Viz.
“Lie back, think of England, & do your duty, ladies.”
Sexual colonialism from the Great Gray Patriarch.
Definition of “Prager” (being submitted to urban dictionary as we speak) is roughly equivalent to “turn off”:
1. To affect with dislike, displeasure, or revulsion: This idea really turns me off.
2. To affect with boredom: His play turned the audience off.
3. To lose or cause to lose interest; withdraw: turning off.
4. To cease paying attention to: The student turned off the boring lecture.
I can think of no better caption than Prager’s first reason for a woman to have sex with her husband even though she’s not in the mood:
Jeepers.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything simultaneously so unintentionally revealing and unintentionally hilarious.
.
M. Bouffant @ 23:24:
Indeed.
Prager Part III: “Why wives who fake orgasms are Commie Lesbians?”
Bayville, get real. There’s no way Prager has enough experience to tell the difference between a real orgasm and a fake.
“When A Woman Isn’t In the Mood, Part II.” That title alone is just the most pathetic thing ever.
Hey, Dennis: When she’s not in the mood, LEAVE HER ALONE. Is it really that difficult to understand? GO AWAY. If she’s “not in the mood” for a MONTH, then perhaps YOU’RE the one with the problem, not HER. Just a thought.
Just a thought. Therein lies the crux of the problem. A thought is something DP has never had.
She’s in the mood, Dennis, just not for you.
Caption:
Dennis Prager introduces his new office assistant, saying. “He’s going to help me research my next project: ‘Can A Conservative Learn to Love Teh Gays?'”
“She’s in the mood, Dennis, just not for you.”
Oooh, that’s gonna leave a mark.
Caption: Y’know, Opie, women are like beer…or Creme de Menthe… or Melons.. or something. It’s not important. The important thing is to get paid for writing sanctimonious drivel that sounds like it was written by a misogynist Sportsman in the 1950’s.
Hey is that Michelle Malkin over there? Hubba hubba let’s buy her flowers, chicks like that shit.
Caption:
Roofies is also 16 years old today. Purely coincidence.
I am not a woman.
But for the life of me, I can’t imagine why any woman – even his ex-wife(s) – would not jump at the chance to voluntarily have sex with a charming, overweight, humorless, middle-aged terd like Dennis Prager.
[pseudo-sincerity]Thanks again to Clif, who’s been holding down the Fortress of Sanity here single-handedly (tee-hee) since X-mess eve, except for Jillian’s New Yr. letter.
(Jillian, hope you are reading this & looking at our hideous mortal existence w/ a slightly improved feeling about it all!!)
The rest of the lazy bones staff, & all who pass through these gates, are wished a New & Improved Yr.[/pseudo-sincerity]
Perhaps. Also, the horse you rode in on. You betcha.
Well as one who is already in 2009 I would that they most surprising thing is the islamocommiefascist spaceships. I didn’t expect them!!!
Happy new year to all
She’d better want sex – this Viagra doesn’t last forever!
Shorter Prager:
“Why I have to pay a thousand bucks for a $200 per hour whore.”
Huzzah for the free market!!
Oh yeah? What about those Chimps in Bakersfield a few years ago that ripped off that dude’s nuts and one of his feet, then ate his face?
Living in Bakersfield will do that to you. Ever been through 3 weeks of 110+ degree heat? You’ll be bitin’ faces off too.
Damn kiwis! Always getting to do things before anyone else. The best I can do now is to be the second to welcome our new islahomofascistic overlords.
Does Prager put out when he’s not in the mood?
Think how much better and more different the world would’ve been if Barack Obama and not John McCain had won the presidency in 2008. At least, that’s the scenario of a speculative fiction author in the future.
Let me add I can’t imagine a woman finding Prager attractive. I mean, you’ve got to have something charming about you and since Prager isn’t blessed in the looks dept – and he isn’t in shape (that gut!) – he’s relying mostly on his personality, which…ugh.
It is not going to happen, liberals. Your echo chamber is reverberating now with your shouts of victory before you’ve won a single state. I almost feel badly for you, because when McCain wins &c.
Lesley@0:21:
Does Prager put out when he’s not in the mood?
Dennis Prager:
Apparently not.
.
“What’s that? YOU want to pay ME in order NOT to fool around? Hmm … how much?”
Assumes he’s not ALREADY GOING THERE NOW – a dubious premise at best. Might be a ticket to a good-bye fuck, right after she’s finished packing – BOOYAH!
As has already been noted, Prager is engaging in some of the most obvious trolling EVAR in an attempt to get links from feminist blogs – a textbook case of Attention Whore Syndrome – & sadly, it has an excellent chance of succeeding. This is some of the most naked “Say Stupid Shit To Piss Off Teh Librulz” tripe I’ve seen in a while – someone needs to tell him how much progressives HATE self-inflicted genital mutilation.
Plainly he’s posting from inside a sealed bomb-shelter, where he’s been ensconced for many moons now – “it’s not rape if you get a ring on her first” was swirling down the cultural boghole by the time I left high-school – Class Of 1985.
Not clicking through this time, not even to giggle at the Coulter pop-up (an open admission of her ongoing descent to bottom-feeder/remainder-bin status if ever there was one) … frankly, “Part One” told me more than I ever wanted to know as to what a complete Failzilla DP is in the sack.
Happy N00b Year!
“Why I have to pay a thousand bucks for a $200 per hour whore.”
Prager would be lucky to find a crack whore who would give him a hand job for less than $500,
Prager’s a douche no doubt about it. Guy makes some interesting points here though, no matter how politically incorrect it is to say so.
Anything approaching marital rape is abhorrent of course. That said, a frustrated husband’s (or wife’s) pleas for more sexual intimacy as a couple are often quite legitimate.
I’m not saying that married people should view or treat one another as property; rather, that on entering into a long-term exclusive and monagamous (sp?) relationship does indeed carry with it a certain degree of responsibility to one’s partner. Fidelity doesn’t just mean ‘not getting any outside’ the relationship, it also means that one has a responsibility to be there for one’s partner sexually as best as you can, for them.
Prager’s bitter in his take on post-feminism. He sees, real or imagined, that in elevating the needs and rights of women we’ve wound up off-handedly denigrating the needs and rights of men. To some extent I agree with him.
Certainly is “denigrating” to “women’s worth” (commodification, anyone?) to suggest that they may be of more value to humanity, civilization or whatever as fully functioning members of society, rather than as the baby-dropping auxiliary.
One of the members of Prager’s peanut gallery weighs in:
I’ve been married for almost 20 years. My wife never says no to me, I never say no to work or parenting the kids (God knows there are times I’d rather call in “not in the mood”). It works for us.
Oh, man, I really want to move somewhere where people know better than to say, let alone think, things like that.
Hello. I am SHOELIMPY. That’s right, SHOELIMPY! I’m Baaaaack!
Back giving liberals what for since 04, and bringing science and logic to blogging plagued with bias and hipocrasy. Annie and I make your lives hell, and we will keep on into 09.
“it’s not rape if you get a ring on her first” was swirling down the cultural boghole by the time I left high-school – Class Of 1985.
Oh, hey! Same class as me. Only I went to school in Utah, so the cultural boghole is 20-150 years delayed from everywhere else.
Xecky–I also had the benefit of a Happy Valley HS edumacation–class of ’82 Fighting Scots. Where did you do your time?
… and the most important one:
9. I tell INS we’re not having sex and she’s be back to Albania in no time!
He sees, real or imagined, that in elevating the needs and rights of women we’ve wound up off-handedly denigrating the needs and rights of men. To some extent I agree with him.
“We?”
What we, Dave?
Is there some authority somewhere that makes pronouncements and judgements that, henceforth, “we” will elevate the needs of one segment of the population over others, and thus the rest of humankind adjusts the hierarchy?
Are you waiting for someone to thank the benevolent fellas for deciding that every once in a while it’s going to be “ladies night.” – only you don’t want things to go too far?
Do tell us about the potential pitfalls of elevating needs and rights of certain groups of human beings.
I believe there’s a form of evil, which does not stem from malintent, but from just being very, very stupid. Prager is proof of that.
Yeah, because there’s no bigger turn on to a woman than, “Honey, I’ve worked all day, so strip, lay on your back, spread your legs, and let my sweaty tub of lard jump on you for five minutes.”
I’m a heterosexual male, but I can imagine what an aphrodisiac the thought of sex with Dennis Prager must be for your average woman with a brain, and an ounce of self-respect must be.
Dennis, here’s a hint. It’s not that she isn’t in the mood to have sex (though that may be the case as well). It’s that she isn’t in the mood to have sex WITH YOU.
Hey, is shit-sack currently married? Should someone try to get a hold of (Sorry!!) ask her about this?
Jon Gallagher said,
December 31, 2008 at 20:32
Shorter Dennis the P:
Her mouth may say “No”, but her eyes say, “Please unlock these handcuffs”.
Jon Gallagher wins the internets.
“I’m in the mood for love/Simply because you are near me…”
NOT!
Do tell us about the potential pitfalls of elevating needs and rights of certain groups of human beings.
I’m going to step up for Dave here, because I see his point: when one group of people, ANY group of people, is denied their rights, all people are denied theirs.
I can argue with his conclusion that married men have lost rights, and believe me I can, but it’s important to society to protect everyone’s rights, including those who had those rights to begin with. The Bush administration and the Patriot Act teaches us that much.
One other thought. Assuming Dennis “The Lady-Killer” Prager” is working on Divorce Proceeding #3 (meaning he’s married), I think he just gave his wife all the evidence she needs to clean out the tattered remnants of his financial fortune that marital rape victims #1 & #2 left him with.
Oh, fer crapsake, what “rights” are being de-elevated here? The “right” to marital rape? Is the “right” to get some when you want it more important than the right not to be forced into effin’ someone when you don’t want to eff, or to eff them?
Were you looking for me, dearie?
I believe I found a transcript of Dennis researching this article:
9. If women don’t service their husbands, their husbands will turn to their sons.
Shorter D.P.
BRACE YOURSELF, BRIDGET!!!
The most sensitve part of the body is the skin. The most sensitive part of the mind is the imagination. The least sensitive part of the husband is
his awareness, and the most obsessive is his belief that he is always right.
actor212,
when one group of people, ANY group of people, is denied their rights, all people are denied theirs.
On an uncharacteristically serious note, this is sage advise and I wish more people understood this. Just because I’m not a woman doesn’t mean taking away the right of Dennis the Menace’s wife to have, you know, not be raped by him doesn’t have zero effect on me. Likewise, just because I’m not gay doesn’t mean I’m not diminished by anti-gay laws. Just because I’m Jewish doesn’t mean anti-Muslim bigotry isn’t my problem too. Just because I’ll never be pregnant doesn’t mean laws making pregnant women the property of the state are none of my concern. And so on and so on. I wish more people fucking “got” this.
Please ignore my typos above. Apparently, I am illiterate.
Here’s a video caption, if no one’s scooped me on it.
RyRy Cooter
The thing is, Prager writes for people who bascially specialize in not understanding that about rights.
Here’s a video caption, if no one’s scooped me on it.
If so, apologies.
M. Bouffant said,
January 1, 2009 at 2:18
I wasn’t being clear. I blame the champagne.
I mean, if any group is denied their rights, then everyone’s rights are at risk. I do not consider the right to rape a right, just to be clear.
I was being poetic. Sorry.
Oops, sorry Tigrismus.
RyRy,
Exactly. Times change and just because for the bulk of history, white straight men have had the power doesn’t mean they will forever. It’s important to acknowledge, from all sides, that rights should be cherished by everyone and the loss of rights by one group diminishes us all.
I just had to go and read justification # 8 on his website, in it’s stark nude reality, to see if he really was going to back that one up.
And, yep.
w O w.
Dave in Atlanta said,
“Anything approaching marital rape is abhorrent of course. That said, a frustrated husband’s (or wife’s) pleas for more sexual intimacy as a couple are often quite legitimate.”
Agreed. Completely ignoring the needs of your partner (for an extended period of time) is lazy at best, and a sure-fire way to damage a relationship. This is true even when it comes to marital sex.
That said, Prager comes off as an insensitive douche.
Prager understands, of course, that your right to swing your fist ends at his nose. He also is keen on the idea that your right to have a nose ends where he happens to be swinging his fist.
I blame the champagne.
Ah, the French Champagne.
Anything approaching marital rape is abhorrent of course. That said, a frustrated husband’s (or wife’s) pleas for more sexual intimacy as a couple are often quite legitimate.
Symptoms of extreme problems in the marriage are worthy of therapy or divorce; not one partner (the woman in Prager’s case) pretend to be interested when the partner that repulses her wants sex.
Caption: Here Mrs. Prager is in a good mood due to the 8 mind-blowing orgasms she had with her handsome and well-endowed divorce lawyer earlier in the day.
Look, can we stop referring to Prager as “DP”? This is an abbreviation for a certain specific act performed in pornography. I know this because I…um…read it in a book, OK? Anyway, the thought of this infantile tub of shit …um…participating in this certain act is enough to turn me off permanently.
‘nuf said
I hasten to add that Prager’s alleged frustrations are no doubt caused by his own profound lack of sensitivity and empathy. (I’d like to hear from the two ex-wives.) This isn’t a case of a husband pleading for more “sexual intimacy.” Prager’s demand to be laid isn’t demanding of intimacy or even a shared or mutually satisfactory experience. He’s pretty frank that he doesn’t care if his partner wants to be with him. He couldn’t care less about his partners.
He may as well blow into a piece of raw liver, for all the intimacy he’s seeking.
Steerpike,
I’d never made that connection before, and now you have to go and point it out. I hate you.
RyRy–you can have the brain-bleach back as soon as I’m through with it. You have to admit the supply is running low, given the nature of this thread to begin with.
Prager obviously gets off on involuntary sex; note that he has no problem with someone not wanting to do him, as long as they are doing him. Tres creepazoid.
Wil Riker (Dennis Prager) and Soren (Dennis Miller) backstage during the taping of Star Trek: Next Generation #117: Voyage to the Planet of Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians.
I can’t decide if I want someone to explain what Steerpike and RyRy are talking about, or if I want to remain ignorant so as not to associate whatever it is with Dennis Prager.
You’re assuming he doesn’t. On a regular basis.
All I know is I can’t hear a conservoschmuck talking about how much he likes sex (with women) without thinking of this:
Sorry to reopen old wounds but seems to me, Dennis Prager is in fact likely to double stuff. Thankfully, it’s hard to know exactly what’s happening in a full wetsuit. Or two.
Oh, fer crapsake, what “rights” are being de-elevated here?
M, I think that folks like Prager and others on the right believe that there’s a limited supply of Rights, and if you pass some out to everyone who asks for it, like brown people and womenfolks, then you’re taking it out of the shares of Rights set aside for Regular Folks, meaning White Men.
If you let the kids have ice cream after school, it means there’s not enough left in the carton when Dad is ready for dessert.
On an unrelated note – Happy New Year to you!
g,
You don’t want us to explain. If you don’t know, you really don’t want to find out in this context.
Oh, and PeeJ FTW.
folks like Prager and others on the right believe that there’s a limited supply of Rights, and if you pass some out to everyone who asks for it, like brown people and womenfolks, then you’re taking it out of the shares of Rights set aside for Regular Folks, meaning White Men.
Yeah, the zero-sum theory of rights. I wonder if there’s a connection to the (often deliberate) conflation of “rights” and “powers” that underlies “states’ rights” bullshit.
Let’s just say, in the matter of DP, the woman doesn’t necessarily have to be in the mood, either, but she does need to be cooperative–and sociable!
Shorter D.P.
(sorry. if it helps, think of him on the receiving end.)
“I swear, doctor, I was changing the kitchen drapes, and I fell, right onto that potato. Of course I was naked…”
It’s probably something I’ve…er….hear tell about….by another name.
Crikey, Plushy suit and Wet suit. Hubba hubba.
Some sort of otter thang?
I have only one word of advice for this man:
foreplay.
Some sort of otter thang?
Y’all don’t have that sort of thing down around the roaring 40’s?
Haggard asks an evangelical next to him how often he has sex with his wife.
.
Oh, and hey, happy new year, Kiwi!
Foreplay in Covservoschmuckland consists of yelling “Geronimo!!!” (american comedian whose name I forget’ 1980’s)
Also, happy new year to our latte-sipping islamo-homo-fascist European overlords. Though I’m guessing they’re all blacked out by now.
Happy new year to you Ry Ry Cooter. We don’t have otters here, we are an otterly free society.
I’m pretty sure that 2009 was Peak Wingnut Rights. Look for Wingnut Rights to skyrocket in value until only the richest Wingnuts can afford Rights. My advice is the rest start a research program investigating alternate Wingnut Rights technology. Whining and wheedling doesn’t seem too promising to me and Pammela Geller already has the market on batshit crazy cornered.
The existence of men like Prager supports my atheism. And feminism!
Shorter Abu Gonzo,
WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
It may be that only the time to reflect allowed by a lengthy prison sentence would bring enlightenment to that stain.
Thanks, Another Kiwi, but I still have almost six solid hours of drinking left in this year.
Wow. Just… wow. I think I’ve finally found an example of chutzpah that outdoes the classic definition.
Gonzales went on to clarify, “that is, I might have been a casualty in the war on terror, or possibly of some other war. I really can’t recall specifically.”
Is it really that big of a surprise? There is no real difference between say A. Gonzales and oh… Confederate Yankee. None at all.
It’s just a gobsmack, really, how otterly clueless and self absorbed they are. I can’t keep my jaw shut when I read shit like that.
Yes, Alberto, you’re just like the innocent victims of 9/11 of whom there were barely scraps enough to identify. Yup. Just like a heroic soldier all blowed up on his fourth tour of Iraq. Mmm hmmm.
Fuck you.
“My wife made the ultimate sacrifice to make me happy, as she should.”
Does Prager put out when he’s not in the mood?
Do you really think he’s being pressured to perform? Hell, I bet even his hand breathes a sigh of relief during those blessed respites.
If I was his wife, I’d have killed myself too.
This explains why Prager & his fellow cobags are so homophobic. Two men? Two women?? Where the victimization at!?
Mr. Prager, serious question: Have you ever woken up in the morning with a gnawed-off arm under your head? Just curious–no reason.
Arky,
I was thinking something along the same lines.
“Ohhhhh. Now we see what it is about traditional marriage that they need so desperately to protect.”
feh
Arky,
Never heard it stated quite so well. I mean, it seems obvious that the basic problem they have is that gay marriage undermines the notion of marriage as a fundamentally asymmetric relationship. A power hierarchy, if you will. Same with homosexuality in general — it inherently denies the notion that sex is a way for men to establish dominance over women, which seems to be their twisted view of it. “Victimization” really hits the nail on the head.
Damn, that was way too intellectual. I need another few shots of tequila.
Oh, and happy new years, east coasters.
Caption: Dexter Morgan before something died inside.
Who would have expected DP to agree with the social critics who describe marriage as legalised prostitution?
That better be all agave.
Yeah, That whole consent thing. Republicans seem confused for the need of a “safe word”.
Do you really think he’s being pressured to perform? Hell, I bet even his hand breathes a sigh of relief during those blessed respites.
Just had hilarious vision of Dennis Pragar forcing his right hand, à la Dr. Strangelove, to do his bidding.
HAPPY NEW BEER!1!!
And a Happy Nude Rear to you too.
Since Another Kiwi has been too thoughtful to gloat about the weather here, I shall also refrain from that schadenfreudal satisfaction. Suffice to say that sunburnt Smut is sunburnt.
It rubs the lotion into its skin.
Dennis Pragar forcing his right hand, à la Dr. Strangelove
If thine right hand offendeth thee, cut it off, and have a socket installed that can take a variety of special-purpose prosthetics, including a Fleshlite.
Weather for Berkeley Springs, Bath (Berkeley Springs), W Virginia
19°F
Current: Mostly Cloudy
Wind: SE at 0 mph
Humidity: 57%
============================================================
That’s my current
undisclosedlocation, SC. It’s the gusting to 50 mph that gets ya.P.S. Night! *hic*
I believe that’s a direct quote from his first two wives.
On closer inspection, the illustration is already captioned. The sign on the wall to Prager’s left reads “Merchandise”. Only the speech bubble is lacking.
Larry Elder to Dennis Prager: “I’ll see your idiocy on sex and raise it with some idiocy on race relations.”
By gosh Larry, I do agree one of the faults of the modern day GOP has been its over-sensitivity on issues involving race and stereotypes.
Dancing Obamas on Sullivan’s head
And now I’m really going to bed.
*hic*
That better be all agave.
Indeed it is 100% agave. Plus 151-and-coke. Plus vodka-and-agua-de-fresca. Shit, I’m fucked up… good think there;s still an hour to new years here
I just learned a new word which seems to apply precisely to Prager’s constant whining viz a viz his sex life.
“Perseveration” is shorter than spelling out “Repeating the same actions after they have failed in the past to achieve the desired result”, and means much the same.
Yeah, that weather ain’t half nice. In a purely non-gloatational way.
Isn’t Prager’s wife going to be reading this drivel? Poor gal…Srsly.
Caption: As usual, this Babydyke is the cutest Gayboy in the room. SUCKERS!!!1!
I’m surprised a sex machine like Prager even needs to ask his wife. My guess is she’s just constantly swept away by desire.
Any caption I think of would make fun of the person with Prager.
And I can’t do that. Just being in that close of a proximity to him would ruin my sex life for months.
My sympathies.
And… Happy New Year!
It already shows promise… twenty days until the Chimperor is Dallas’s problem.
Caption: Dennis Prager hs been selected as the 2009 spokesman for NAMBLA.
This explains why Prager & his fellow cobags are so homophobic. Two men? Two women?? Where the victimization at!?
Who would have expected DP to agree with the social critics who describe marriage as legalised prostitution?
These two observations have made me very happy today. Thanks guys! And Happy New Year to everyone.
Captain Chickenhawk, reporting for duty!
Seriously, the guy in the picture looks exactly like someone I … uh … knew in college, which just adds a fifth layer of disturbingness to the photo.
Larry is aware that we’ve had like, a full century in-between there, right?
Don’t really mater how he puts it
Getting a bit Oedipal there, Duros62.
Second prize — two dates with Dennis Prager.
Bons mots pour M. Prager:
“There are no frigid women, only clumsy men.”
–some French dude
I mean, it seems obvious that the basic problem they have is that gay marriage undermines the notion of marriage as a fundamentally asymmetric relationship. A power hierarchy, if you will. Same with homosexuality in general — it inherently denies the notion that sex is a way for men to establish dominance over women, which seems to be their twisted view of it.
Ding ding ding!
And yeah, wingnuts seem to have a big problem grasping the notion of consent in general. Hence the box turtle meme, the torture=frat initiation meme, etc. etc.
Prager is cited as some sort of authority in the movie Heckler, an extended whine not just about hecklers at comedy clubs but about critics and – gasp – bloggers.
Rented it the other night and it’s a really fascinating misfire: the guy who made the film is Jamie Kennedy and the film follows him on tour where he appears to demonstrate that he isn’t funny or talented at all, so the encounters with critics are kind of interesting: a lot of the critics fold in the face of his whining and I found myself urging them on.
Bonus knobbery: also in the film is Christopher Hitchens recycling – badly – a Churchill anecdote. I dunno what Kennedy’s leanings are but Heckler’s sort of worth watching as a demonstration of the talentless wondering why they should be judged, a common Republican theme.
Dennis, there are a lot of women who can keep up with, or put to shame, your libido. There is no woman who can keep up with your need for masculine self-assurance.
And besides, every minute you spend thinking about not having straight sex is a minute you don’t have to spend thinking about having gay sex, and that in itself is priceless.
You poor shlamazel, Dennis.
all the ‘rights’ whiners need to STFU right now. They are correct about one group losing right because another group gained them in this instance but sometimes that the correct thing to do. Like when slavery became illegal white guys lost the right to own slaves, illustrating that rights are not always a good thing. when one person is granted rights that let them abuse another group its a BAD thing.
The right to not have sex if you do not desire to is WAY WAY more important than the right to get some whenever you want it. A sexual problem in marriage is a big complicated problem but demanding that women just deal with sex they dont want is not the solution because it puts the sacrifice all on her, and I really dislike the way that prager acts like unwanted sex is just a boring chore or something. It can really fuck up someone emotionally, especially if they have a history of sexual abuse (something he SPECIFICALLY NAMES as something women should just ignore when they dont want sex). Its kinda fucked up to have the concept of ownership over your own body compromised and a large number of people who have been sexually abused have post traumatic stress, its just so disgusting for me to think about treating an abused person that way.
sick, sick shit. really. women arent fucking property and their bodies arent payment to men for earning money.
Don’t really mater how he puts it
Getting a bit Oedipal there, Duros62.
Whoopsie!