$25,000 Reward for Obama/Ayers/Dohrn/Khalidi Tape

Is he talking about a porno?

A hundred large will pay for a lot of voice talent and audio engineering. I wonder if someone will try to create a fake?

Or in the most awesome ratfucking turnabout in political history, submit a fake tape as a sting operation, collect the cash, then openly reveal the scam, laugh in their faces, and contribute the money to Hillary’s campaign debt fund.

That’s how we roll.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!111111!

Asshole.

I have a tape of Obama, Castro, Ayers, Wright, Ward Churchill, Graeme Frost, Louis Farrakhan, Vince Foster, Willie Horton, Abbie Hoffman, both Clintons, Mario Cuomo, Ted Kennedy, the head of the gay conspiracy, Pee Wee Herman, Andy Kaufman, Malcolm X, Nelson Rockefeller, Ryan White, Punch Sulzberger, and many others whose voices I can’t identify quite yet plotting the 1981 assassination attempt on Ronald Reagan. Hinckley was just a patsy. They also talk about stealing a nuke to give to Iran for use against Israel. Bidding starts at 25k.
If they can put together six figures I can also come through with a video tape.

I have the tape if Ace has the courage to retrieve it.

He’s talking about a K-Tel 8-Track — ‘Now That’s What I Call Ratfucking!’

For a limited time only, you’ll get such wingtacular hits as ‘Pay-O: The Swift Boat Song’, ‘Mr. Roboto-call’, ‘My Sharia’, ‘He’s Dead’, ‘Voting Day’s November 5th, Darkie’, ‘I’m A Cheating ACORN Brown’, ‘Wright Here, Wright Now’ … and many, many more!

This calls for a rickroll.

I have evidence that George W. Bush actually completed his National Guard service.

Is it too late for me to get that $10,000 that Garry Trudeau was offering in 2004???

If not, then never mind………..

This is gonna be like comeuppance overload on November 4. In one day, we could possibly witness the defeat of all of these people:

John McCain
Sarah Palin
Liddy Dole
Ted Stevens
John Sununu
Norm Coleman
Gordon Smith
Saxby Chambliss
Mitch McConnell

Chambliss and McConnell will probably win, but there should still be plenty of meat left over for a nice big schadenfreude sandwich.

What would these guys do without their missions impossible fantasies?

Let’s pretend there really is a tape proving that Obama is really Kenyan/Communist/Black Panther/Hitler’s grandson Ted Hitler. Who ever had such tape would make a shit ton more money selling it to The Enquirer or TMZ then pandering for your chump change, Sparky.

Anyone who says “That’s how we roll” without even the tiniest trace of irony is an asshole.

That is all.

I have the ‘Kali’ tape. Obama recites the ‘Kill for the love of Kali’ monologue from Gunga Din and discusses his devotion to the murderous Thuggee Cult. David Berkowitz and Pol Pot can be briefly be heard arguing over the bar tab. A rousing rendition of Beer Barrel Polka plays in the background.

I will accept $50,000 in Icelandic banknotes or best offer. Interested parties should contact my agents at African Press International – ask for Vinnie or Raoul.

The left blogosphere will come through with $200K, maybe more, for genuine replica Nantucket scrimshaw depicting Sarah Palin as a Clipper ship fellating the exhumed skeleton of Herman Melville with dolphin-and-mermaid borders.

That’s how we roll.

Don’t forget the API tape, for which the wingnuts are waiting with bated breath. According to the API home page, they’ve struck a deal with Fox to air it, but can’t reveal when. They say they will provide a maximum of 15 minutes warning. Send Mom out for more cheetohs, boys and girls, you dare not leave the TV for a moment.

I also have proof that Obama is actually John Lennon, if they’re interested.

They say they will provide a maximum of 15 minutes warning.

Say! Now there’s a good reason to keep refreshing the API site every few seconds … but what if they issue the alert through one of their advertisers? Better click on those ads, too!

Almost as satisfying as witnessing the destruction of the Republican Party proper will be seeing its neocon enablers in the media, the blogosphere and the general public utterly broken and discredited. I will ruthlessly mock every single one of them I encounter, and it will be fun.

johnbinpt, are you kidding?

These guys will never admit defeat. Never. In fact, when defeated they just get louder and more rambunctious about their certainties and victories.

On November 4th they’ll be digging up even more dirt that doesn’t exist to discredit the man 99.9% of the country voted for.

This offer includes is particularly directed towards Los Angeles Times employees. Maybe ones that just got fired. Or will get fired in the next couple of weeks.

You hear that, Jonah? Get in on the action, fast!

I have a tape of Ace blowing a goat.

That’s how I roll.

Did Ace not get the message to abort with the Khalidi tape-begging since it seems that John McCain personally was in charge of handing Rashid Khalidi hundreds of thousands of dollars for his ‘radical Palestinian causes’?

I mean, there might be a hell of a lot to see in the L.A. Times video of Ace’s fantasy world, but even they aren’t alleging that Obama gave Khalidi hundreds of thousands of dollars.

I can’t find anything remotely suggestive of evil doing by Rashid Khalidi. It seems the only thing demonic about this man is his “unAmerican” name and the fact that he’s studied the Middle East and spoken with Palestinians – apparently this is a crime.

Jesus Christ, McCain is such a fucking asshole. He’d demonize his own mother if it would help to demonize Obama.

did anyone ever stop to think that maybe the Khalidi b-day party tape, Michelle Obama’s “whitey” tape, and Michelle Obama’s taped call to the African Press group ARE ALL ONE TAPE???????

the way it makes the most sense is that Michelle Obama called the future from Khalidi’s birthday party and ranted about Whitey.

You’re welcome, Ace.

remotely suggestive of evil doing by Rashid Khalidi.

the NRO Corner dead-enders have posted endlessly about how close Khalidi is to Bill Ayers and his wife.

Since we know how evil that is…… QED.

Anyone who says “That’s how we roll” without even the tiniest trace of irony is an asshole.

Yeah, but if you got as little physical exercise as Floppy Ace, you’d find rolling easier than walking too.

I’m just wondering how many tapes of Sarah and/or Todd Palin palming bribes, saluting the AIP banner, or bashing their kids are going to surface come November 4, when the GOP rolls out its ever-popular “Teh Woman Tempted Me, and I Did Eat” its-all-Palin’s-fault blame’n’shame tour.

Ace, you can grunt & groan, Hoot ‘n Holler, whine and complain until you bust your knickers, but you are still not gonna find anything that ‘disqualifies’ Obama from the presidency.

He’s a natural born citizen at least 35 years of age.

Get the fuck over it, Ace.

There’s a definite Groundhog Day effect happening in this election. Every day the same sequence of events seems to happen:

1. Rumor of big, game-changing October Surprise damaging to Obama appears on Drudge
2. Fox News runs with it
3. McCain campaign pushes it
4. Wingnuts start prematurely ejaculating
5. Rumor is debunked
6. Right wing blogosphere tries to clap louder and bring rumor back to life
7. Snarky left wing blogs reap the comedy gold
8. Repeat until election ends

Ace should just carve a backward B into his cheek with a Cheeto now. It will look pretty in orange dust, Ace. Swears.

If the right wing has spent this much time demonizing academic Rashid Khalidi, I don’t see why we shouldn’t emphasize that John McCain was personally in charge of handing the man and his Palestinian causes hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Sure, there’s nothing, not a damn thing wrong with Rashid Khalidi — unless you’re an a**hole who thinks that the only permissible view in the universe must be the farthest most violent right wing militant Israeli view.

But still — THEY BUILT IT UP AS THE GIANT FEAR FACTOR — GIVE US THE TAPES L.A. TIMES — AND NOW IT EMERGES THAT JOHN MCCAIN WAS PERSONALLY IN CHARGE OF GIVING THE MAN AND HIS CAUSES HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.

I don’t think we should let this go or turn it into another “the tape doesn’t exist”.

The humor here is not that a ‘tape’ of Khalidi saying Obama would be better for Palestinians than McCain might exist — the humor is that they built up the enemy, and it’s their man who gave him money.

Strangely, they seem to ignore the associations Republicans have with people they’ve labelled terrorists.

Cheney practically ripped the constitution to shreds and reformed it as toilet paper he wiped his drippy putrid ass with, but did they care?

Nope. But if Obama even mentions the Constitution in any of his speeches, he’s suddenly a threat.

Neocons…ratfucking is in their genes.

I suppose we should be thankful McCain turned out to be a nutjob because it’s precisely his extreme behaviour that is turning off most Americans and ruining his chances. He’s lucky if he can attract a couple of hundred people at any campaign event. Obama’s attracting tens of thousands. If McCain had posed as a moderate Republican, if he hadn’t picked a Christian fundie nutjob as to be his running mate, if he’d never exploited Joe the Plumber – who isn’t even a plumber – and turned him into a cardboard cutout of the “real American”; if he’d never demonized big city dwellers; if he’d never hired that sack of shit firm that slandered him in 2000 to make his disgusting robo calls, if he’d never catered to every racist, xenophobic zealot with an itchy trigger finger, he might have a chance.

But he did all of those things and more. If Americans are turned off McCain it’s because he turned them off, not because Obama’s ratfucking him or deceiving anybody. Not only is McCain disingenuous – he admits he doesn’t believe any of the terrorist accusations his campaign has made – he’s misjudged this election completely. He assumed he could apply the Bush/Cheney tactics to his own campaign and win and that by doing so it wouldn’t reflect badly on him, wouldn’t have a divisive effect, would get him the job and he could move on. He’s a foolish and stupid man who has no insight or foresight apparently.

Lesley, I think starting with the primary McCain has run his campaign just like the fundies have demanded. Starting with Palin, McCain has bowed to every demand to push bullshit loyalty tests and stupid conspiracy theories. From secret terrorist to born in Kenya all of them failed. McCain listened and look where it got him.

I think McCain did it out spite for 2000.

In a perfect world McCain’s concession speech will lay out in loving detail how each new moronic demand and resultant pander cost him another 3 or 4 points.

“Starting with the Convention”, rather.

That’s how we roll.

El Cid,
If you find this humorous, you’ll like the following hypothetical: What if it turns out that prominent GOP-ers had given money and major props to REAL enemies, and then used them as a GIANT FEAR FACTOR… What if, purely hypothetically, they had given money to Osama bin Laden, or shook hands with Saddam Hussein? How much would the lefties pay for that type of evidence?

I taped evidence of Barak Hussein Obama expressing his hatred of America by greeting a crowd of supporters at a campaign event in North Carolina, and I’ll let you have it for $20,000, maybe more.

That’s how I roll.

All I can think of now after reading this thread is that great Hammer song, “This is the Way We Roll”. That’s gonna be in my head all day now, dammit.

We’re rollin’ bones!

That is how we troll.

Obviously, this man is not aware of All Internet Traditions.

owlbear1 said,

“Starting with the Convention”, rather.

McCain decided torture was O.K. after all, before the convention.

I’m just wondering how many tapes of Sarah and/or Todd Palin palming bribes, saluting the AIP banner, or bashing their kids are going to surface come November 4, when the GOP rolls out its ever-popular “Teh Woman Tempted Me, and I Did Eat” its-all-Palin’s-fault blame’n’shame tour.

That would require admitting they have a problem. Sure, the Republicans who have already abandoned the Str8Squawk Xpress when the retread started flying might point and say “Seeee? I toooold yooooou.” But they’d be attacked by the assholes who think Palin winked at them.

grasping…..grasping……

I have the tape.

It’s Scotch, but I don’t think Ace’ll notice.

Did Ace not get the message to abort with the Khalidi tape-begging since it seems that John McCain personally was in charge of handing Rashid Khalidi hundreds of thousands of dollars for his ‘radical Palestinian causes’?

Mayor Quimby even released Sideshow Bob. A man twice convicted of attempted murder. Can you trust a man like mayor Quimby? Vote Sideshow Bob for Mayor

If the right wing has spent this much time demonizing academic Rashid Khalidi, I don’t see why we shouldn’t emphasize that John McCain was personally in charge of handing the man and his Palestinian causes hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Sure, there’s nothing, not a damn thing wrong with Rashid Khalidi — unless you’re an a**hole who thinks that the only permissible view in the universe must be the farthest most violent right wing militant Israeli view.

But still — THEY BUILT IT UP AS THE GIANT FEAR FACTOR — GIVE US THE TAPES L.A. TIMES — AND NOW IT EMERGES THAT JOHN MCCAIN WAS PERSONALLY IN CHARGE OF GIVING THE MAN AND HIS CAUSES HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.

I don’t think we should let this go or turn it into another “the tape doesn’t exist”.

The humor here is not that a ‘tape’ of Khalidi saying Obama would be better for Palestinians than McCain might exist — the humor is that they built up the enemy, and it’s their man who gave him money.

Isn’t this the fourth or fifth time McCain’s done this? He or Palin complain about Obama’s ties to Freddie Mac, Bill Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, meeting with dictators, and now Rashid Khalidi – only to almost immediately have it revealed that they themselves associated with the same people, or people even more dangerous. It’s like they’re actively trying to make themselves look ridiculous.

Or in the most awesome ratfucking turnabout in political history, submit a fake tape as a sting operation, collect the cash, then openly reveal the scam, laugh in their faces, and contribute the money to Hillary’s campaign debt fund.

Except 75% of them would STILL insist that it was real and that the confession was fake!

Dear Wingers, please stop grasping at me, I’m starting to chafe…

Except 75% of them would STILL insist that it was real and that the confession was fake!

See The Report From Iron Mountain to see that the crazy militia wunwirldgubmit right wing will never, ever, give up a hoax that they like, even when it’s all revealed as simple satire.

“Don’t forget the API tape, for which the wingnuts are waiting with bated breath. According to the API home page, they’ve struck a deal with Fox to air it, but can’t reveal when. They say they will provide a maximum of 15 minutes warning. Send Mom out for more cheetohs, boys and girls, you dare not leave the TV for a moment.”

It’s gotten even better:

http://africanpress.wordpress.com/2008/10/29/news-flash-obamas-campaign-manager-offers-3-million-dollars-to-api-in-connection-with-michelle-obama-tape-planned-to-be-aired-by-fox-news-network/

Is anybody in Wingnutistan asking what Ace means by ‘we’, as in that’s how ‘we’ roll. LMAO!

In a more serious vein, John McBush is hurtin’ for cash, so all those tighty-righty-roly-polys might consider sending their rolls of pennies that way.

hi! is this the place where the rolling’s going on?

the NRO Corner dead-enders have posted endlessly about how close Khalidi is to Bill Ayers and his wife.

… and McLame gave Khalidi hundreds of thousands of dollars … so that means … McLame is a domestic terrorist!!!!!!111!!!!!!! It couldn’t be clearer!!! Connect the dots, people.

I’ve got a tape of Rachel Maddow making out with Sarah Palin. I’m not going to release it, I just wanted to brag about it.

That was me. squeaky’s always trying to horn in on my comments.

Now Ace’s crew is wondering ‘where is the modern-day Daniel Ellsberg?’

Who knew wingnuts were in favor of leaking the Pentagon Papers?

Now Ace has gotta outbid “Obama’s campaign manager” at $3 Million?

That’s clever as hell.

And the MYTH begins…

Owlbear.

Those are separate tapes. The tape API is humping is Michelle Obama calling us all “whitey”. The tape Acey is humping is the one where Obama praises a Palestinian activist at a dinner (cooked by the Palestinian’s wife) in 2003.

So basically, he’s being polite…

hi! is this the place where the rolling’s going on?

just make sure you roll your own. Don’t bogart MY joint!

Ahh, so Larry Johnson is the one who has to do the bidding.

And the Myth begins, again…

John McCain was personally in charge of handing the man and his Palestinian causes hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Someone has already pointed this out in Ace’s comments only to be told that it’s OK, McCain doesn’t hate America.

So — associating with Khalidi means that you hate America. But only if you already hate America.

Sorry, this is long, and I know this is ridiculous and insane and stupid, but I also have a nasty tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they can’t possibly be that that stupid, so I finally just have to ask:

Assuming that I understand all this correctly, the “tape” being referenced is that of an interview that Michelle Obama supposedly gave to this “API” group, which is apparently a highly respected and legitimate news organization that publishes on Blogspot (or whatever). Got that. But if she gave them the interview, then what, exactly, are they claiming as the legal obstacles to simply airing it? She consented to the interview, and the interview was obviously conducted with the intention of its being broadcast. So what’s the problem? I remember seeing something about “copyright issues,” but I’m a writer, and know a little bit about copyright law (although admittedly not a lot), and I’ve never heard it suggested that the answers an interviewee gives to the questions asked by an interviewer are copyrighted material, except in the sense that the entire interview may be considered copyrighted material, but the copyright in that case, so far as I understand it, would be owned by the producing organization responsible for interview taking place to begin with, not by the person being interviewed.

So, what I’m saying is, just to play Devil’s advocate for a moment here, if these guys were to try to make some kind of compelling, coherent case for not being able to release this tape, what would it be? Does anyone even know?

Please understand that I don’t actually believe the tape exists, or that the interview actually took place, and I do realize that the people who do believe it are probably desperate enough at this point to believe practically anything, no matter how absurd. But it seems that in this particular case, the “anything'” they’re believing is so utterly without rational foundation as to defy credibility. I mean, if somebody told me that they had had seen a secret videotape of Sarah Palin performing a home abortion on her 17-year-old daughter, I don’t care how badly I want to see the back end of Sarah Palin forever and all time: I wouldn’t believe it for a second, unless there was an awfully good reason, and off the top of my head, I can’t even imagine a good enough reason to convince me.

So. Any thoughts?

Sorry, I realize now that this particular post was referring to a different tape. My mistake, but my question still stands.

So basically, he’s being polite…

For the right price, I might be able to show you satellite imagery of Obama walking up to Khalidi’s door with a bottle of French wine.

Roseyv, I think the issue is supposed to be that it wasn’t an interview, she just called them out of the blue, and they taped the phone call unbeknownst to her and without her permission, which is illegal.

Roseyv, I think the issue is supposed to be that it wasn’t an interview, she just called them out of the blue, and they taped the phone call unbeknownst to her and without her permission, which is illegal.

“HI, this is Michelle Obama. Do you have Prince Albert in a can?”

Krassen:
“If you find this humorous, you’ll like the following hypothetical: What if it turns out that prominent GOP-ers had given money and major props to REAL enemies, and then used them as a GIANT FEAR FACTOR… What if, purely hypothetically, they had given money to Osama bin Laden, or shook hands with Saddam Hussein? How much would the lefties pay for that type of evidence?”

Ah good point. Oh, Oh, Oh!: Say that they had even given *Stinger Missles* to Osama. And secretly shipped weapons to Iran violating an embargo. Oh, yeah, and say that we had another tape of a McCain friend recommending the shooting of federal agents in the head. Man, oh, man, the press would have a field day. They’d never stop talking about it. But it’s pointless to fantasize about unrealistic scenarios like that….

But I just can’t stop thinking about implausible scenarios now that Krassen has gotten me started. What if McCain even called Osama a “freedom fighter” during one of the debates? Boy would that be an election changing gaffe.

Roseyv, I think the issue is supposed to be that it wasn’t an interview, she just called them out of the blue, and they taped the phone call unbeknownst to her and without her permission, which is illegal.

I think your right about the API “claim”. But its still gibberish. Under what jurisdiction? Norway’s? The US’s? Kenya’s?

Beyond that, it’s plainly absurd that — even unbidden and taped — that a call to a [snerck] “news organization” is somehow protected from being aired.

This sideshow is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard about, really. Way funnier than stories about where kids’ letters to Santa go.

Yeah, and API now claims to have reached an agreement with Fox to air the tape, so it’s hard to know their current argument for providing zero evidence. Fox will sue them for breach of contract? Obama will have them killed but ignore their website? Anyway, Curley Howard’s link above is super funny.

Obama’s association with Bill Ayres is not the only story here, lieberals. In fact Obama has also been seen laughing at sadistic terrorist bombings, cackling as delusional maniacs use explosive devices on innocents for seemingly no purpose.

In advance of AIP’s full presser on this matter, I have obtained a picture of the individual in question. Obama is finished. Get ready.

In advance of AIP’s full presser on this matter, I have obtained a picture of the individual in question. Obama is finished. Get ready.

Oh, it’s much worse than that. There’s yet another tape that ties Obama with a seriously deranged terrorist – and it’s been youtube-d already. Just scroll ahead to the two minute mark of this damning video evidence.

This is no small part of the reason why the GOP is going down in flames next week – just imagine* if all these legions of wingnuts had gotten their shit together back around, oh, say, June. Organizing, fundraising, cold-calling, pamphleteering, canvassing door-to-door … they’d’ve made a difference, maybe even a major one.

Instead, the whole tribe went into its ritual circle-jerk mode over one fairytale “Mystery Tape” after another – when they weren’t spending days on end poring over the kerning of JPEGs(?!?) or drooling over Governor Winky-Nut Palin.

Smell that irony. Their staunch dedication to pathological idiocy helped to save America from their ideological masters’ third & most disastrous term in office.

That’s just how they barrel-roll.

—————
* May require use of LSD, peyote, or other hallucinogens – suggestion void where prohibited by law.

And here I was assuming that the way Ace rolls is downhill, like a plump cartoon snowball.

Yeah, and API now claims to have reached an agreement with Fox to air the tape, so it’s hard to know their current argument for providing zero evidence.

But wait! now API is reporting that obama’s campaign manager (unspecified) has offered $3 million for the tape NOT to be aired!

Soon, letters from Sr. Fatima Ngobo will be issued asking for wire instructions from your bank account for $25,000 in legal fees…

“Roseyv, I think the issue is supposed to be that it wasn’t an interview, she just called them out of the blue”

Ah, of couse. Actually, that makes a lot of sense. I blog a lot about musical theater, and I can’t tell you the number of times Andrew Lloyd Webber and Stephen Sondheim like to call me up on the phone, just to shoot the breeze. You know. Talk to me about their upcoming projects, and ask me to help get the word out and whatnot.

And here I was being all cynical and stuff.

Thanks for the explanation!

I actually visited the API site yesterday, in an effort to get some sort of understanding of the whole business, and my favorite thing on the whole site was a commentor excoriating the editors for taking so long to release the tape, even going so far as to assert that they had “lost all credibility.”

For real.

API keeps the laughs coming:

http://africanpress.wordpress.com/2008/10/30/the-intended-release-of-michelle-obama-tapes-stirs-trouble-in-many-circles/

“Now that the situation has become so dangerous because some people are afraid to let the American people know the truth about Michelle Obama’s stand exhibited by her in the tape, API will thread carefully and will classify details on what is going on, especially details on when the API representative will fly to New York, which flight and where he will be housed while in the US. This will be done to avoid exposing him to any danger while on US soil”

Ooh, I can’t wait!

This sideshow is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard about, really. Way funnier than stories about where kids’ letters to Santa go.

They all go into a database in an NSA mainframe deep under Omaha, Nebraska, where potential future criminals, terrorists, and Democrats are flagged for tracking purposes.

“Hey Santa, gimme a BB gun!” = good American

“I’d like some toys, and peace on earth.” = BEEP! BEEP! DANGER!

This is how we roll.

If Alice Sheldon and Zombie C. S. Lewis ever collaborated on a sf story, it could be called “The Screw-Tape Solution”.