Following up on S.Z.’s report about Ann Coulter’s latest “I got pied because I’m an oppressed minority” column, I got an exciting e-mail from David Horowitz today with the subject heading “Radicals Pied Me in Indiana.” He also sent me this swell picture of himself smeared with chocolate:

Wah, wah, waaaaaaah!

Now, I agree with S.Z. it’s wrong to hurl pies at people you disagree with because:

1.) The best way to handle people like Horowitz is logically attacking their arguments in Q & A sessions. Hurling a pie is a sign that you aren’t thinking so much as reacting– a sure way to lose an argument.

2.) It lets Horowitz whine about how “oppressed” he is, and inspires his moron readers to give him more money.

3.) Everyone has a right to speak without getting pied.

That said, Horowitz’s e-mail is freaking hilarious. Let’s take a look (all emphasis David’s, sadly enough):

Dear Brad,

This past week has been a whirlwind. I’ve spoken at Butler, Colgate, and the University of Texas. At each gathering the left’s “tolerance” hypocrisy was clearly in evidence, as I was heckled and harangued from virtually the beginning to the end of my talks.

“This is further proof that George Clooney is allied with Abu Musab al-Zarqawi!”

At Texas — where 20 radicals were arrested! — the thugs got a surprise. Supporters of our National Campaign for Academic Freedom rose and shouted back. The radicals were stunned but not silenced, and with each slanderous epithet they underscored our point: We need an Academic Bill of Rights to break the radical left’s grip on our campuses.

I’m not sure how the Academic Bill of Rights would prevent people from heckling D-Ho at his lectures, unless there’s a clause requiring unruly leftists’ nipples to be hooked up to a car battery so they’ll get zapped when they mock conservatives’ speeches.

Never was this more apparent than at Butler, where, on Wednesday evening, April 6, I was physically assaulted by a group of student thugs shortly after I took the stage.

Like I said, hitting someone with a pie is juvenile and rude, but claiming to be “physically assaulted” because you got some chocolate on your face is kinda hyperbolic. Of course, coming from the guy who called the Palestinians (not Hamas or Islamic Jihad, but all Palestinians) “a community of suicide bombers,” this isn’t surprising.

Brad, I’m writing to tell you two things:

David, stop calling me by my first name. We aren’t friends.

1.) I will not be intimidated by student thugs or radical professors who believe violence will keep us off their campuses;

Good- then I can get more funny letters like this when you get pied again.

2.) Our National Campaign for Academic Freedom is working! It’s gaining notice and gathering momentum at such a pace, in fact, that leftists are resorting to near-guerilla tactics to silence us!

“Near-guerilla tactics…” Call me crazy, but I don’t remember the Viet Cong fighting the American army with chocolate pies…

Brad, your steadfast commitment to our Academic Freedom campaign is nothing short of courageous. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You’re welcome David, but I haven’t given you any money, and I only signed up for your mass e-mails for my own entertainment.

Because it is abundantly clear — as more and more college and university administrations begin to understand our message and hear our call for them to embrace our Academic Bill of Rights — the left is absolutely terrified we’re are succeeding.

Yep. Pissing in my pants right now, Dave.

The assault on me by a group of four leftist students at Butler is evidence to fact that our National Campaign for Academic Freedom is making sense not only to state legislators and school administrators, it is reaching the ears of the students who are quickly realizing what you and I’ve been saying: they’re only getting half of the story, the radical left’s story.

So a few guys throwing pies at David is proof that his “affirmative action for Republicans” program is making headway and will probably be enshrined in the Constitution later this year.

So today I’m asking you to keep the pressure on the schools, the professors, the administrations, state and local leaders and other who we need to join in us in our fight for genuine academic freedom…

Hmmmm, I dunno… that doesn’t mean I have to send you money, does it?

…make a special contribution of $100, $50, or at least $25 right now by clicking on this link and supporting our National Campaign for Academic Freedom.

Ah, I see that it does. Well, let me respond to this request with a hearty “Sadly, No!”

Brad, let me tell you what happened at Butler.

David, I really have to take a dump. Can it wait ’til another time?

As I stepped to the podium, a group of four students — juvenile delinquents, really — rushed the stage and slammed a chocolate cream pie into my face.

Dammit, David, I told you I have to crap really bad, and you talking about chocolate flying through the air isn’t helping!

Fortunately my glasses weren’t broken.

David’s still bitter about those kids who squashed his spectacles in junior high.

Above: A young Horowitz, before he learned to fight back.

Officials caught and arrested three of the students — including a female who spewed racial epithets at Butler professor Marvin Scott, a good friend of mine and yours in this battle, and the Republican candidate for Senate in last November’s election.

It’s really, really uncool to shout racial epithets at Marvin Scott. Of course, it’s not as simple as Horowitz would have us believe (I don’t wanna get into it, but you can read about the incident yourself… basically, Scott alleged a girl shouted an epithet at him after he allegedly pushed her down).

There was nothing comedic about it.

Well, not the racial epithet stuff. But the picture of you with chocolate on your face did make me chuckle…

This attack was one in an increasing string of violence against conservative speakers. Ann Coulter, William Kristol and Pat Buchanan have suffered similar assaults as well in recent weeks.

These assaults are in addition to leftist attacks on armed services and Homeland Security recruiters at campus job fairs in an effort to silence them, too. This type of thuggish behavior is not only being encouraged by radical faculty members who regularly deride conservatives and conservative students but tacitly condoned by school administrations that tolerate these acts, as well!

This is precisely what you and I are fighting against!

What, you mean this?:

Above: The radical leftist Curley pies Moe Horowitz.

These students and their academic consorts are underscoring our point — and they’ve taken to violence in response to the success of our National Campaign for Academic Freedom!

But here is some great news! I received heartfelt apology from Butler University President Dr. Bobby Fong following the assault. Dr. Fong told me that contrary to what the mainstream media reports, there is widespread support in the academic community for our Academic Bill of Rights. Our opposition consists mainly of radical ideologues.

Hmm, so if the president of Butler apologized, and there’s “widespread support” for the Academic Bill of Rights in the academic community, doesn’t this undermine David’s argument that the radical left has an iron-fisted “grip” on academia, and that they’re “tacitly condoned by school administrations?” I mean, if there’s “widespread support” for David’s bill in academia, conservatives can’t be that under-represented, can they?

Dr. Fong’s words should lift our spirits and power us on, Brad. So, please help me again right now. Go to one of the links within this letter and make a contribution of $25, $50, or even $100 if possible today to our National Campaign for Academic Freedom. And please know how grateful everyone at the Center is for your commitment.

Sincerely,

David Horowitz, President & Founder

And let me just say how grateful I am to David Horowitz for providing me with ample blogging material.

Incidentally, do you think the average circus clown gets paid $5,000 to take a pie in the face ($25,000 in Coulter’s case)? Then again, most clowns aren’t as comical as Horowitz, so I guess that’s fair…