Forward to the Past
With all the right-wing finger wagging about the inviolate right of children of candidates and officials to be above comment, I thought we might fire up the flux capacitor and travel back to that distant time in the past when Chelsea Clinton’s parents were in the White House and see what the right-wing was saying about Chelsea:
Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno.
Columnist Molly Ivins reported (Arizona Republic 10/17/93) this incident from Limbaugh’s TV show–“Here is a Limbaugh joke: Everyone knows the Clintons have a cat. Socks is the White House cat. But did you know there is a White House dog?” And he puts up a picture of Chelsea Clinton. Chelsea Clinton is 13 years old.
Filling in for Tucker Carlson yesterday, Shuster gave his opinion on Chelsea’s role in the presidential campaign, asking a guest, “Doesn’t it seem as if Chelsea is sort of being pimped out in some weird sort of way?”
Immediately after the comment, Big Head DC has learned, people in the Clinton camp were angered — and the network began receiving angry e-mails and calls from viewers suggesting it was an inappropriate way for a reporter to refer to a former First Daughter.
Amazingly, Shuster chose not to apologize, even when the Clinton camp expressed their outrage directly to him — until MSNBC bigwigs forced him to do so
Alicia “The Suetonius of Staten Island” Colon:
Seems to me that she’s more of a pawn for her parent’s ambitions than a beloved child. …
John “Humbert Humbert” Derbyshire:
I hate Chelsea Clinton.
Be sure to read the rest of Derb’s mauling of the only female between 15 and 20 that he doesn’t find attractive.
And then bringing up the rear, of course, don’t forget Ed Klein’s claim that Chelsea was conceived when Bill raped Hillary.
So what’s all this now about privacy and respect and all that?
IOKIYAR!
Here’s hoping Chelsea Clinton offers her sympathy to Bristol Palin with a reference to McPOW’s little joke.
WTF? You expect honesty and consistency from these people?
So what’s all this now about privacy and respect and all that?
Um, 9/11 changed everything?
BTW: Good choice of picture. The Republicans should run Doc Brown for president, if they’re so keen to go back to the 1950s.
Well, remember there was the time that Chelsea Clinton got pregnant as a teenager because of the loose morals she learned from her heathen parents. They respected her privacy then. Didn’t say anything about it at all.
Um, why is everyone looking at me like that?
Yes, but that’s different because Chelsea helped her mother kill Vince Foster.
Do you ever think about this stuff before you post?
Man. Reading Derb just makes you want to take a long shower. What a fucking creep.
They have no Memories beyond five minutes ago, and the xclinton presidency never happened
Listen jerk, for 5 1/2 John “the Maverick” McCain didn’t even know what the president’s daughter looked like when he was a PRISONER OF WAR! Why do you want to spit on the troops?
Be sure to read the rest of Derb’s mauling of the only female between 15 and 20 that he doesn’t find attractive.
For the win.
Meanwhile, Chelsea has matured into a fine young woman of upstanding character and more important, no bastard babies at her feet.
In addition to not mentioning the fact that abstinence-only advocate Sarah Palin’s unwed 17-year-old daughter is pregnant and having a child out of wedlock although she is going to marry the father, I think we should also not mention that the 17-year-old father of the baby is apparently an asshole, because he’s only akid and that would be an invasion of his privacy…oh, wait, never mind. Ruppert Murdoch, owner of the NY Post, says it’s OK:
In Mr. Johnson’s defense, he appears to be one hell of a hockey player.
http://www.dependablerenegade.com/dependable_renegade/2008/09/the-palins-embr.html
I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
[Clif adds: Link removed. See below.]
Do yourself a favor and DON’T CLICK ON JAMIE HOLTS’ PERSONAL LINK:
But, but, but… this is totally different we swear! Chelsea Clinton wasn’t pregnant.
Damn, I knew there was something suspicious about Jamie. He didn’t mention anything about a Viagra discount.
Do yourself a favor…
Thanks, D.N.N. I wondered if that was a spam – no poop jokes or “the fact is”.
Consistency? From my wingnuts? Its less likely than you think.
Cheers for the heads up D. N and Clif.
For more shits and giggles, here’s Derbeyshire expounding on the relative attractiveness of conservative and liberal women:
Oh, so you’re all up here having fun.
If Bristol Palin married Mike Myers, she’d be…
Durrrrbyshire thinks maggie thatcher is attractive? My penis is attempting to crawl up inside my body and hide.
What the hell is he on about.. “young conservative girls”.. Pfft. Never met one yet.
Think it burns any of these assholes up that Chelsea grew up to be a fairly attractive young woman after all their crap?
Err…the Shuster thing was just this year, wasn’t it? Not back when the Clintons were in the White House.
Good ol’ Derb. Keeping the spirit of Alf Garnett alive for the younger generation. He’s a goddamned national hero is what he is.
Why is Bristol Palin so Ugly? Because Rush Limbaugh is her father.
Try that one on a right-wing site.
What the hell is he on about.. “young conservative girls”.. Pfft. Never met one yet.
Anyone under 80, it appears.
If Bristol Palin married Mike Myers, she’d be…
And they could name their kid “Squibb”…
mikey
Duh. This is different because:
a. Hillary had a lesbian affair with Vince Foster, and then subsequently killed him;
b. Chappaquiddick;
c. ????!?!
d. Al Gore is fat; and
e. purple monkey telephone … banana
Well, Legalize, it’s undeniably true that purple monkey telephone . . . banana! changed everything.
Yep. Harpies will do that to ya.
You know, I thought I was a worldly man. I thought I had heard of every fucked up fetish out there. Even the furries didn’t make me cringe.
But… Maggie? Coulter? Noonan? Oh god.. The mere thought is enough to turn a man gay.
I didn’t read the Derb’s column, too much rage is not good for me. But is that the one where he thought it would be a good idea to have Chelsea killed because she’s a Clinton?
What an unholy scumbag. He’s one person that I would kick in the ‘nads if I ever ran into him. The jail time would be worth it.
Derbyshire’s article is vastly improved by reading it out in the voice of Major Bloodnok.
I think I understand the difference in the situation with Chelsea. The right was going after her based on her looks, not on anything she’d actually done or had that much control over (she certainly grew up to be pretty, though). Clearly that’s fair game. Bristol actually did something, so we can’t possibly comment on her actions. That just wouldn’t be right. At least I think that’s the argument they’re trying to make. Plus, you know, we’re the side that’s supposed to be above all of this. They’re the ones who are supposed to talk about how righteous they are, but we all know they’re winking and crossing their fingers so it’s okay when they’re jerks because we don’t expect them to actually be civil.
Chelsea is certainly shaggable. Making fun of her “awkward teen” phase is just being mean for the sake of it. Bristol is fairly hot too, but she is in the spotlight for being ignorant enough to end up with an accidental pregnancy.
I think we all know Chelsea is much smarter though. Hot and smart is a good combination, but right wingers seem to find it threatening. Probably because attractive and clever women just laugh at their sorry selves.
Gosh, let’s see. I can pick at random ten ugly people and ten random attractive people who happen to be on opposite sides of some (artifically manipulated) political alignment, and say that it proves…er…something. right?
further, can someone explain to me, how, in Derb’s world, Paula Zahn and Katie Couric are on opposite sides, and, further, how Paula is Teh Hawt and Katie is Teh Dawg?
and yes, I believe Derb is the one who rationalized murdering Chelsea Clinton. Nice guy, huh?
It’s not that bad, but you have to keep an eye peeled for horny Repugs.
Okay, the thought of Larry Craig just turned me straight again.
It’s kind of funny though . . . my mom was a political junkie too, and we would always watch the election returns together. We always used to comment on how much better looking the Dems tended to be generally, and how much more fun they seemed to have at headquarters. the Republicans always looked like they were in desperate need of a large dose of Correctol, even the young ones. And Republicans always seemed to have really bad hair and a poor understanding of fashion as well, especially the fundies.
That was just liberal bias on our parts, I’m sure.
I’d say Derbs is a multi-bagger(plastic, secured tightly about the neck) but frankly even that wouldn’t be enough to render him palatable.
Chelsea is certainly shaggable.
See, I once thought so, but every now and then she’ll pull a facial expression that makes her look EXACTLY like Bill or Hill. Think of it: just in the midst of a good rog, you look down and BLEARGH AAAIGH NO JESUS FUCK DON’T MAKE THAT FACE!
That aside, she’s clearly a bright and fine-looking young lady.
And this gives me the opportunity to recycle a little poster I did in response to the email version of Derbs’ sentiment a few years back.
What a dog show you have there Tigismus! You know, I have always thought this issue is pretty obvious. Lefties have less hangups about sex, and stronger personal identities. That always has to make a person more sexy. Not to mention the creativity thing. Ever know a Republican artist? Every creative soul is a left winger. Creativity really shows itself in how people dress, and how they present themselves. Some good artistic sensibilities are really sexy.
Even that fuckwit Jeremy Clarkson thinks that liberal women are sexier than tories. It is well established fact.
I always thought the Big Dog was teh Hawt. I shook hands with him once – yes, if you’re listening, Ann Outhaus, my boobies were right there in front of Bill Clinton but you’ll be relieved to know that I was wearing a coat and carrying my son in my arms at the time – and he is one great big hunk o’guy. When the Monica story broke, I could dig it.
When Chelsea was little, I thought she kind of got the worst features of two fairly attractive parents, although she always seemed like such a pleasant kid it was easy to think she was cute, in my opinion. She sure is pretty now, though, talk about ugly duckling into swan. My partner has a big crush on her. It’s kind of cute.
OT – someone mentioned Murphy Brown earlier, and all this talk of young Chelsea Clinton took me back to those halcyon days of yore. I started thinking about the episode where Murphy was at the Easter Egg Roll at the White House and left with the Clinton’s cat Socks in her car. They just don’t make funny shows like that nowadays. You kids get off my lawn, dammit!
Mr. Pervyshire really needs to quit wanking and learn how to write. It’s absolutely embarrassing that these ‘tards who pride themselves so much on their intellects have so little to be proud of!
I just read Derbyshire’s column. Sweet creamery butter is that guy fucked in the head. Seriously, anyone who read that when it was published, with or without his picture (John Cleese as Norman Bates), if they were a sane person, would have closed their browser, emptied the cache, and … well I guess a sane person wouldn’t be reading NRO.
Anyway, I saw Chelsea Clinton occasionally in college — she was actually one of those people you notice from a long way off, where you can’t see any real details but just know that’s someone attractive (or at least full of self-confidence, which is I guess what “poise” is). I was never sure it was her until I spotted the two unusually fit-looking students with hearing aids nearby (and the other one you don’t see).
But that’s not the point. Derbyshire’s undisguised admiration for murderous authoritarians was really, really disturbing, and that was before 9/11 (which changed everything). He’s still doing his thing. Yet Arrested Development got canceled after three seasons!
Damn, that Derbyshire photo makes him look like a child molester.
What? Nevermind…
Why is Bristol Palin so Ugly? Because Rush Limbaugh is her
fathermother.Fixed it.
Derbyshire can’t even get the phrase “two bagger” right. We have that phrase here in the colonies, too, usually said by blue collar workers on construction sites as a “two bag woman” You put one one bag over her head, and the second one over your head, in case her bag falls off.
I know this stuff because I am an elitist, not a salt of the earth heartland columnist like derbyshire, who got his slang from the british army, demonstrating not only his heartland sensibilities but also the national defense acumen all conservative chicken hawks are born with.
Even that fuckwit Jeremy Clarkson thinks that liberal women are sexier than tories.
Heh, I saw the Top Gear rerun last night where they did the drive through Alabama with slogans designed to annoy rednecks painted on their cars. For some reason the phrase “Country/Western is Rubbish” cracks me up way more than it ought to.
But I do agree, Jeremy Clarkson is a fuckwit.
“double bagger” is a common term all over Britain, and I have frequently heard septics use it too. You can’t really call it a British army term, because the army collect insulting, slightly misogynistic terms like pokemon.
Just reading the bits quoted here, I have the same strong impulse.
Unless, of course, he likes that sort of thing.
Whoa, Fred Thompson is speaking at the R convention tonight.
What a firebrand!
Whoa, Fred Thompson is speaking at the R convention tonight.
Makeup!
I know this is a snarky blog, and I should leave a funny, snarky comment…
But I just frakin’ hate these wingers. I really do. They are just the most gawdawful, despicable people.
Carry on.
The truth is, McPOW ROCKS DA HOUSE!
Whoa, Fred Thompson is speaking at the R convention tonight.
Makeup!
Troweled on like a trollop!
Dear anonymous: Please be assured, you are not now, nor will you ever be, in any danger of seeing my face during sex. That aside, thanks to you and all your “liberal” buds for the, uh, “compliments” concerning my appearance and intelligence.
Now fuck off and die, the whole lot o’ ya.
Two things:
First, during the primaries my roommate and I would watch the coverage and occasionally turn to eachother and go “Damn. Chelsea Clinton got hot when we weren’t looking.”
Second, I think this gem in the Mark Twain bit he quoted explains the Derrrrb too well: “Tom had no handkerchief, and he looked upon boys who had, as snobs.” Is the handkerchief intelligence? Attractiveness? The ability to masturbate without having to sneak up on his hand? I don’t know. But he ain’t got a handkerchief.
Here’s the thing I don’t get about the “privacy” and “family matter” stuff.
PALIN HERSELF ANNOUNCED HER DAUGHTER’S PREGNANCY TO THE WHOLE WORLD. VIA THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA.
I’m still trying to figure out exactly why she considered that necessary. In order to quell “liberal blog” rumors about Trig? Uh — since when are the mighty and powerful liberal blogs so threatening that they can force such an immediate disclosure — about what should admittedly be a private family matter? And, also uh–, if that were indeed the reason for publicly humiliating one’s child on an international stage, wouldn’t the same purpose have been better and more thoroughly served by, oh, I don’t know, OFFERING MEDICAL RECORDS as substantiation?
Just wonderin’.
the Derrrrb is the classic example of how Republicans share the toxic inability to let go of anything, especially a grudge. I’m sure he’s still nursing his first rejection like that deformed bear monster in The Prophecy.
They need about six weeks of OCD medication. It can do wonders. I imagine all their released hates flying off the Earth and destroying the moon.
Which would be another problem, but we could solve it with just one inflated winger ego! Pat Buchanan comes to mind…
Derbyshire actually thinks Ann Coulter is attractive? Jeez, why doesn’t he paint a face on a broom and fuck that? You get splinters either way.
Well, presumably, if there was no credence to the rumors that Bristol was Trig’s kid (which I laways thought was a prretty long stretch), she could have just said, “You people are insane – of course he’s my kid, and what kind of idiots would actually believe otherwise?” and rational people would believe it.
But it would’ve gotten a little weird if – after having dismissed the rumors as nutty – then said Bristol started plumping up and and a fine new baby come inauguration day.
But what I am still scratching my head about are the speculations in some quarters that the Trig story is actually true and the new announcement about Bristol is a smoke-screen. I can’t figure out how that one is supposed to work.
I’m still trying to figure out exactly why she considered that necessary.
I’ve read that she did it because the National Enquirer was about to break the story.
If so, somewhere John Edwards is sniggering.
Sam Brownback just mentioned all the “excitement” over Palin.
He’s got that right.
Ah, here comes Jay Nordlinger to join the party:
“Barbara Bush, the Silver Fox, still lookin’ good. Bush 41, still lookin’ good. Doro, still lookin’ good.
Fortunate genes, those Bushes.”
If that’s how he feels, then hey–whatever floats your boat. It just seems like an…odd thing to focus on when you’re watching a political convention.
PALIN HERSELF ANNOUNCED HER DAUGHTER’S PREGNANCY TO THE WHOLE WORLD. VIA THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA.
I’m still trying to figure out exactly why she considered that necessary.
Because, MzNicky, the right has very successfully stigmatized unwed motherhood. They’ve been so successful, in fact, that some families apparently still feel the need to tell their daughter to fake mononucleosis and drop out of school for several months in order to keep it a secret. And like all societal stigmas, it is something that is sniggered at and whispered about until it is made officially public.
And that is why Palin felt it necessary to make the announcement.
g: A way-conveeenient “miscarriage” in Bristol’s future?
A way-conveeenient “miscarriage” in Bristol’s future?
I sure hope not, and I wouldn’t think so – I’d think the best narrative would come from having the kid be born and grow up happy and successful … to all media appearances, at least. That would best demonstrate how wonderful teen pregnancy is if it’s followed with a shotgun (or M-16) wedding.
Then again, a miscarriage “brought on by the stress of so much liberal harrassment” would be faster and would be a club to beat liberals with right away, so we’ll see how it tilts.
“double bagger” is a common term all over Britain, and I have frequently heard septics use it too. You can’t really call it a British army term, because the army collect insulting, slightly misogynistic terms like pokemon.
Us Brit types also apply it to men too.
I never realised that the British army collected pokemon. Is this an indictment of their standard weaponry?
You really don’t want to face Her Majesty’s Charmander Fusiliers.
the army collect insulting, slightly misogynistic terms like pokemon.
I suppose that Sockpuppet #47 could have meant that ‘pokemon’ is an insulting, slightly misogynistic term, but if so, someone would have applied it by now to Sarah Palin or Hilary Clinton.
Is this an indictment of their standard weaponry?
They like to have something to do between rum, sodomy, and the lash. While the rum is kicking in.
Here me now and believe me later- Bristol is Trig’s mom and she pregnant again…
Yes, like noted leftist Louis-Ferdinand Celine, for example, and communist sympathizer Gertrude Stein.
It’s funny reading Derby steam over Chelsea’s faux pas in light of the Bush Twin antics.
Thank You very much for this post. Chelsea Clinton was indeed the forst one I thought of when the Repigs start sqeaking for “family privacy”. And what makes it worse, Chelsea can read, so she lacks that particular protection. On the other hand, that seems to be the only protection the Palin girls have.
I would say Chelsea grew up and did the things most middle class parents hope for their children. She went to college, has a job, and throughout has made mostly healthy choices.
Bristol is not the problem. She’s the child. Many people who have raised the possibility that Trig is pregnant Bristol’s child have also asked if Bristol is the victim of abuse and/or neglectful parenting. I find Mrs. Palin’s judgment, decision-making and parenting very, very strange and disturbing. So far, we have learned that both her oldest son, Track and her oldest daughter, Bristol have had to deal wth some serious challenges. It just breaks my heart.