Feb
1
1
Oh, The Inanity!
Shorter Kathleen Parker:
Above: Argued that ‘polopony’ is one
word, to win Scrabble game
- Barbaro captured the public imagination of post-9/11 America in a way that John Kerry and Jane Fonda never could.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
DUDACKATTACK!!! said,
February 1, 2007 at 21:19
Parker’s moment of unintended humor:
“I didn’t get my pony either.”
Some Guy said,
February 1, 2007 at 21:23
Stud him out, then glue him up.
People liked Barbaro cause he could win them money. He’s still around cause he’s “name brand” now, and can earn his owner a lot more money.
Jay B. said,
February 1, 2007 at 21:28
Actually SG, he dead.
I think I saw this episode on M.A.S.H. once — Hot Lips got all hysterical because some dog died when really it was just the emotional transference of her feelings about the war. Weird, huh?
slappy said,
February 1, 2007 at 21:35
Jane Fonda
slappy said,
February 1, 2007 at 21:36
^ not a stud
FlipYrWhig said,
February 1, 2007 at 21:42
At first glance, I read “polopony” as something that’d be pronounced along the lines of “polyphony” or “monopoly.” That was confusing.
jpj said,
February 1, 2007 at 21:43
What is this she writes about “our fixation with Barbaro?” Whatcha mean “we” white girl?
Truly, I had no clue who/what the hell “Barbaro” is/was until I clicked through and read the article. He was a horse huh?
Innocent Bystander said,
February 1, 2007 at 21:50
This is the cutie-pie that thought we should nuke Fallujah after some Iraqi’s paraded and hung the burned bodies of 3 mercernaries on a bridge. Tit-for-tat, you know.
Cheeto said,
February 1, 2007 at 21:51
I agree with jpj. Expensive horse trained to run fast for gambling puposes, broke. So what?
Travis G. said,
February 1, 2007 at 21:52
My brother won a couple hundred bucks on Barbaro’s Derby win, but I bet on Lawyer Ron. He came in, like, 10th place or something.
les said,
February 1, 2007 at 21:54
polopony. yuck, isn’t that where the tv tube goes up your…uh…anyway, and looks for lumps? Why is she writing about gross stuff…
Col. Klink said,
February 1, 2007 at 21:58
“Fonda, who has never met a war she could get behind”
As personal indictments go I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry at this one.
sammy said,
February 1, 2007 at 22:00
Oh, jebus, it hurts. “Fonda, who has never met a war she could get behind, showed up on the National Mall to protest the “mean-spirited, vengeful” Bush administration.”
Come on, Fonda. What the hell is your problem with wars, anyway?
Having said that: Barbaro was from around here, and there was some sadness when he died. He was a horse, horsies are cute, and he appeared to be coming back from an injury that usually requires euthanization. Only now he’s dead. If you can’t get at least a little bummed about that, you have no business being a bleeding heart liberal, you gutless commies who hate ponies and horsies and probably kittens.
Thom said,
February 1, 2007 at 22:03
Oh how embarrassing. I went over to Wuzzadem yesterday when you linked to it and made a couple comments. He responded last night to one of them, in truly idiotic fashion - and then banned me so I can’t respond again. I’ve never even been there before. Gad, what a wuss.
teh l4m3 said,
February 1, 2007 at 22:07
For some reason I just conjured an image of Kathleen in nothing jodhpurs and a riding helmet, beating herself with a riding crop.
William F. Buckley said,
February 1, 2007 at 22:09
Also, dear SadlyNoicans, the School of Written Expression at the Buckley School of Public Speaking and Persuasion in Camden, South Carolina offers its courses via correspondence.
Won’t someone else — please, anyone! — enroll?
Fluffybunnyfeet said,
February 1, 2007 at 22:11
For some reason I just conjured an image of Kathleen in nothing jodhpurs and a riding helmet, beating herself with a riding crop.
Oh, the whip-handity!
nkylib said,
February 1, 2007 at 22:13
I have seen a lot of ignorant comments regarding Barbaro. Thoroughbreds do not artificially inseminate the stud and mare must copulate. The best stud receives a half a million, Storm Cat and breeds to about 120 mares. Storm Cat is getting old for a stud, a younger stud say Giant’s Causeway gets $300,000 and breeds to over 200 mares.Barbaro would have started at stud probably $100,000 and would breed to at least 150 mares. You do the math.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 1, 2007 at 22:22
I have seen a lot of ignorant comments regarding Barbaro.
I have seen a lot of ignorant comments about, oh, let’s say milkshakes.
Abe said,
February 1, 2007 at 22:51
Ah..er…I’d never heard of her employer, the Buckley School of Public Speaking and Persuasion. But the founders method is the epitome of wingnut goodlyness.
He’s right though. Decent people kill 3000 people and typically those bunch of jackasses in the media just can’t let it go.
Cutler John said,
February 1, 2007 at 22:53
“A country driven mad by partisanship”
Amen, sister. Have you seen these nutjobs who can’t even comment on a fucking horse without dragging John Kerry and Jane Fonda into the discussion? Madness.
El Cid said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:06
I have to agree with the crazy lady who wrote the editorial because I have no doubt that Barbaro, even while he was being operated on and dying, would have been a far greater leader of this country than George W. Bush Jr.
funkyb0ss said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:10
I suggest looking HERE for a sober, reflective look at the great legacy Barbaro has left behind.
Col. Klink said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:15
Agreed El Cid,
If only the great Emperor W. had appointed Barbaro to the Senate!
It would sure beat the hell out of Lieberman. And would prove far more authentic, what with Barbaro being a real horse’s ass to the psuedo horse’s ass that is Joementum.
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:15
Does this mean it’s too late to appoint Barbaro to the Senate?
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:16
Curse you Col. Klink @23.15.
bpower said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:23
For all of you not into self flagellation, she kept the best line for last.
“For a while, we were all in the race with a champion, and, for a while, we were champions, too.”
anonymous said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:27
teh l4m3 said,
February 1, 2007 at 22:07
For some reason I just conjured an image of Kathleen in nothing jodhpurs and a riding helmet, beating herself with a riding crop.
And then, the naked Bush twins lead the horse in …
pastormaker said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:31
If people really loved these racehorses so much, would they really train them to run around a track carrying ugly midgets with whips until their spindly horsie legs broke, just so money could be won?
Jay B. said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:38
Hey Thom:
Thom said,
February 1, 2007 at 22:03
Oh how embarrassing. I went over to Wuzzadem yesterday when you linked to it and made a couple comments. He responded last night to one of them, in truly idiotic fashion - and then banned me so I can’t respond again. I’ve never even been there before. Gad, what a wuss.
Same thing happened to me! I posted the response I had on the Wuzz thread below. What a douchebag.
And, naturally, I appreciated your comments.
Dorothy Parker said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:41
And then, the naked Bush twins lead the horse in …
You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think!
apocalipstick said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:42
There are many wingnuts who can annoy, but for some reason Parker really crawls up my ass. While I feel for an animal that must be destroyed (I was raised rural and it brings it home), the idea that Barbaro was some sort of national symbol is just poppycock. He won one, that’s one big race. He might have won more, but he broke down. A stallion with a gimpy back leg can’t mount a mare. People who both loved him and stood to profit from him labored to save his life. They couldn’t. That’s sad, but final. Then KP has to try her hand at modern mythmaking.
g said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:43
For a while, we were all in the race with a champion, and, for a while, we were champions, too.�
Huh? What the fuck? What does that mean?
Does that mean I’m not a champion anymore?
g said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:47
But Barbaro was special, not least in his ability to inspire humans.
Yes, Kathleen, Olympian athletes go on the win the Gold, inspired by a horse. Academic Decathalons are won by plucky high-schoolers, invoking Barbaro’s name just before going onstage. Ballerinas think of him before auditions at the Joffrey and ABT school. And — American Idol contestants murmur his name before confronting Simon.
anonymous said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:54
apocalipstick said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:42
” … Parker … an animal that must be destroyed … ”
[And I wonder if Mr. Parker is getting tired of Kathy "murmuring' Barbaro's name every Saturday night.]
Thom said,
February 1, 2007 at 23:57
Jay B.
Right on! Good club. I was going to post my comment here too, but I lost it. Dang it. it was still riffin’ off his idiotic response to you, that didn’t have anything to do with the argument. It’s like he forgo what the hell he was talking about.
Off to the Wuzz thread below…
MrWonderful said,
February 2, 2007 at 0:03
“Kathleen Parker is a popular syndicated columnist and director of the School of Written Expression at the Buckley School of Public Speaking and Persuasion in Camden, South Carolina.”
Addendum: Parker is also a recent graduate of the Smith Academy of the Creation of Sentences With Which to Express Thoughts, and an adjunct Professor of Talkology at the Ames Institute for the Teaching of Students Things They Didn’t Know Before They Got Here. She is a Fellow at the Caligula Institute for the Freedom of Thinking, and was Queen of the Senior Prom (Theme: “Under the Sea”).
Her published works include Hey, Let’s All Learn to Say “Hey,” Toward a More Writerly Form of Reading Writing That is Written to be Read, and “Shet Ma Mouf”: Learn to Persuade Camden, South Carolina, and You Can Persuade Anybody of Anything Anywhere.
Happenstance said,
February 2, 2007 at 0:11
Krazy Kathy Parker (And Her Perpetual Loose Screw) tends to flip-flop around the bottom of the boat like a dying trout. She’s been gung-ho about nuking Iraq into ash, and she’s been tortured by self-doubt after accidentally viewing photos of Iraq children killed by our “liberation.” She always returns to “gung-ho”
status. Right now, she’s clutching a hanky to her eye over a dead horse that she’s been told by someone was the modern Seabiscuit; next week, she’ll be beating it with a bat while screeeeeeeeaming about how she likes glue and gelatin in an attempt to cover her stupidity.
Jay B. said,
February 2, 2007 at 0:18
Thom,
It’s like he forgot what the hell he was talking about.
That was my impression as well. He started writing like he had just suffered a stroke.
Anne Laurie said,
February 2, 2007 at 0:21
Actually, sending an innocent animal out to cripple himself for our entertainment, and then going all teary-eyed when Science (equine biomechanics) trumps Bidness (it’s ‘too expensive’ to keep feeding untested thoroughbreds until they’re old enough to run that hard without injuring themselves) and we’re left with no horse and a lot of VERY expensive bills coming due… well, sounds like an “Operation Enduring Fubar” metaphor to me! Just not the kind of metaphor that Parker would endorse, if she knew what she was talking about, as if THAT would ever be permitted at the Buckley School!
Basharov said,
February 2, 2007 at 0:27
She’s hotter than Marie Jon’. I’d do her.
Spokane Moderate said,
February 2, 2007 at 0:27
For all of you not into self flagellation, she kept the best line for last.
“For a while, we were all in the race with a champion, and, for a while, we were champions, too.�
Sweet merciful crap.
I don’t know whether to thank you for saving me from the rest of her dreck or curse you for inflicting even that small dose upon my eyes - my burning, burning eyes.
Mark S. said,
February 2, 2007 at 0:31
Enroll today in the School of Written Expression at the Buckley School of Public Speaking and Persuasion in Camden, South Carolina, where you too can learn to write sentences like this:
Maybe the better question is, how could they not?
His fight became their fight.
I didn’t get my pony either.
No wonder we fell in love with a horse.
For a while, we were all in the race with a champion, and, for a while, we were champions, too.
Many of our graduates go on to write greeting cards, screenplays for movie trailers, and Pluggers cartoons.
mikey said,
February 2, 2007 at 0:49
No wonder we fell in love with a horse.
I have to say, I’m finding it a little creepy how often Sadly, No has descended into bestiality references of late. I mean, I can live with the farting and the poop jokes, but animal abuse seems so, oh I dunno, Republican?
mikey
Marco said,
February 2, 2007 at 0:55
I have found the unedited copy of Kathleen’s “Ode to Pony.” Here are a few choice cuts, as it were.
“Barbaro taught us how to laugh and taught us how to cry.”
” It is rumored John Kerry shot a horse in the back in Vietnam.”
” Bill Clinton, rumored to be hung like a Barbaro…”
” Stock in Alpo has risen sharply.”
And edited from her bio:
“Kathleen Parker is also way cool and pretty.”
Zhubin said,
February 2, 2007 at 1:04
She can’t find inspiration from a former candidate for president or a critic of the president, so she turns to a horse? What about the actual president?
The poor guy can’t even provide his base with more patriotic pride than a crippled horse now.
FlipYrWhig said,
February 2, 2007 at 1:06
I can’t in good conscience follow a link to a wingnut pundit, but, just curious — does she invest any witty wordplay in the notion that a beast named “Barbaro” had the effect of… civilizing us?
Kathleen said,
February 2, 2007 at 1:29
People named Kathleen should not be that stupid. It’s wrong.
VA said,
February 2, 2007 at 1:52
I have a feeling Barbaro captured Kathleen Parker’s post-9/11 imagination because his name means “barbarian.”
Robert Green said,
February 2, 2007 at 2:00
to be fair to kathleen, barbaro’s iraq withdrawal policy was significantly better than jane fonda’s, though some would argue that barbaro’s vietnam service was not up to john kerry’s level.
wait, what? barbaro is a dead horse?
Amber Pawlik said,
February 2, 2007 at 2:15
I’ll bet the meat of an injured horse tastes great breaded in Bisquick, deep fried, and dipped in Hidden Valley.
Yes, I would definitely dip that horse in my Hidden Valley…
Mary Jones said,
February 2, 2007 at 2:20
The only people who I can see being interested in this are folks from the Philly area (like me). He looked like the only local sports figure who was going to win and win big, and then, like all Philadelphia sports figures, he chokes. Somehow it seems less just that we kill the poor horse, but let the Flyers live.
Matt said,
February 2, 2007 at 2:37
“Captured the imagination”? Says who?
Steve T. said,
February 2, 2007 at 2:56
I’m surprised no one’s pointed out that here Scrabble-winning word is pronounced “pol-OP-uhny” Just ask Ralph Kramden.
Travis G. said,
February 2, 2007 at 3:00
Right you are, Steve, but I got it by way of Fred Flintstone.
Bob Scum said,
February 2, 2007 at 3:20
Here is the true legacy of Barbaro.
Cutler John said,
February 2, 2007 at 4:37
“Yes, I would definitely dip that horse in my Hidden Valley…”
Kathleen’s right there with you.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 2, 2007 at 6:00
I see the Townhall blog still exists.
Smiling Mortician said,
February 2, 2007 at 6:30
an adjunct Professor of Talkology at the Ames Institute for the Teaching of Students Things They Didn’t Know Before They Got Here.
MrWonderful truly is.
The poor guy can’t even provide his base with more patriotic pride than a crippled horse now.
Um, that’s a crippled dead horse, Zhubin.
And Righteous Bubba, I clicked the link and all I can say is WTF? That’s been up since last August? Where the hell have I been? I’m bumfuzzled.
mikey said,
February 2, 2007 at 6:42
Ok, I really wanted to do a “Kathleen Parker and Barbaro walk into a bar” but I just got back from a big dinner and I’m all foggy so never mind…
mikey
roooth said,
February 2, 2007 at 7:10
If Ms. Parker were worthy of sympathy, which she is not, I would feel for her, sadly floundering in existential angst now that her studly Dear Leader has fallen so far from grace that even she can no longer manage an entire column waxing rhapsodic over his demigod-like qualities.
Oh, but once, just a few short years ago, in those heady days of unchallenged Bush Adulation, Ms. Parker could - and did - write an entire column devoted soley to explaing that she knew, she just KNEW, that George W. Bush was just the most wonderful, good, strong, macho, decent, heroic, All-American man, capable of fearlessly leading us while leaping over bombed buildings with a bullhorn in his manly hand, because - get ready, here it comes - because he drove a white pick-up truck.
Yes, a white pickup truck passed for empirical evidence for our Ms. Parker, all the evidence she needed of His True Greatness.
Just like in the old westerns, where you always knew the bad guy cause he wore a black hat and the good guy cause he wore a whote hat. Well, there were those pictures of Bush, out in the wilds of Crawford, with a white hat, and a white t shirt, and - goddam - a white pickup. Kathy got moist just thinking about it.
The way she described it, it was as if Jesus had returned and it turned out that he came back as the Marlboro Man, held out his hand to her and promised to forever keep her safe from the bad men.
Next to Bush, Kerry looked so, well, so French.
That was the last Parker article I ever read, and from the comments here, it doesn’t look like I’ve missed anything.
pablo said,
February 2, 2007 at 7:36
Not one Catherine the Great joke? I’m disappointed. But then i probably would’ve been disappointed had there been one.
Travis G. said,
February 2, 2007 at 15:52
I forgot all about that, Bubba. I’ll have to go over there and do some remodeling.
teh l4m3 said,
February 2, 2007 at 17:55
Yes, a white pickup truck passed for empirical evidence for our Ms. Parker, all the evidence she needed of His True Greatness.
Well I’m sure that passes muster… As long as the passenger side wasn’t occupied by Shawn Hornbeck.
Charlotte Smith said,
February 2, 2007 at 19:36
“Kathleen Parker is a popular syndicated columnist and director of the School of Written Expression at the Buckley School of Public Speaking and Persuasion in Camden, South Carolina.�
Yes, but is she affiliated with the Derek Zoolander Centre for Children Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too?
Gentlewoman said,
February 2, 2007 at 22:34
Some of you may remember my constant conundrum: Who is Teh Stupidest Woman In America, Kathleen Parker or Mona Charen? (and no, I cannot accept any more candidates, this is difficult enough as it is)
So, I read this post, decided for the umpteenth time, it’s Parker, click over to alicublog, and discover that Roy has decided to tap dance all over Charen’s latest blah.
Back to square one.
Is there any possibility that they are the same person?
Smiling Mortician said,
February 3, 2007 at 6:03
OK, I managed to ignore her picture the first four or five times I saw this post, but now that I’ve taken a more analytical look at her, I must observe that no woman with such a smarmily smug look on her face could possibly be happy. Is it wrong of me to glory in the knowledge of her psychic despair?