Clif,

The presumed Starbucks reference would call for a “Venti” Conservative Blogress, even though everyone on Long Island says “Vente” –well, maybe you are hipper than I thought.

Do you suppose she and Bolton actually…well, you know.

Atlas Shrugged: Come for the boobs, stay for the insanity.

I notice she has Skype running. Can you imagine voice chat with her? Is she even intelligible?

Michelle probably FELLATED a sex-crazed bisexual goat on the steps of the Illinois Supreme Court!

(insert Mickey Kaus reference/joke here)

pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. pam and her drum.

Holy crap is she stupid, it says “voluntarily inactive” right on her own evidentiary image.

I suppose it is a lesson in the power of senseless boobs.

If you look closely at the photo, you can see the microdot on the tip of her tounge.

Heh! I have never voted twice before, but I guess it’s OK because she really is my favorite wingnut. She is a crazed rightbot with no apparent self-consciousness — witness adjacent posts, still up, claiming “JEW HATE RUNS DEEP AT THE FBI: MADOFF MADNESS,” and then “MADOFF MOOLAH WENT TO DEMOCRATS: Madoff was a giant libtard. SHOCKA! A dishonest Jewicidal …. now that’s new. (/not) I think the crooked party ought to give back the crooked money. What did Democrats know and when did the Democrats know it?”

fonofidl said,
December 26, 2008 at 18:25

Clif,

The presumed Starbucks reference would call for a “Venti” Conservative Blogress, even though everyone on Long Island says “Vente” –well, maybe you are hipper than I thought.

No, I’m not that hip. I just don’t go to Starbuck’s that much. And my Italian sucks.

I think we should consider Pam the Vento Conservative Blogress.

She is very windy.

And my Italian sucks.

You don’t say.

I should get an Italian.

Sigh. I guess we have 4 (hopefully 8) more years of this fucking crazy bullshit? At least I can come here for a good laugh about it.

Sigh. I guess we have 4 (hopefully 8) more years of this fucking crazy bullshit? At least I can come here for a good laugh about it.

Helluva lot better problem to have than the last 8 years.

I do love that Pammycakes crazy dial goes to 11…and seems permanently pegged there.

Okay, so she’s dumber than fuck for not noticing that this was completely voluntary, i.e., initiated by Michelle Obama herself. But what’s really frighteningly stupid about it is that she doesn’t seem aware of the fact that every Clinton and McCain campaign operative, as well as every jounalist looking for a scoop, along with every blogger who fancies him/herself a journalist, has been pouring over shit exactly like this for the past eighteen months, and hasn’t seen any reason to draw attention to it. She really thinks she’s discovered something important.

If you look closely at the photo, you can see the microdot on the tip of her tounge.

Winnah & champeen

Do you suppose she and Bolton actually…well, you know.

Hey, maybe Pammy likes mustache rides…

Oh godz, now I have to scrape out my visual cortex with a serrated pie server.

If we wanted to see crazy, now that Pam has the lead, way out in front, switch to Amy Alkon and boost her number past Pam’s. Losing to someone from Los Angeles should set the crazy tachometer redlining.

One of her commenters, RezDuane, attempts a small stab at coherence and sanity:

It LOOKS like she is voluntarily inactive as it says under “Illinois Registration Status. Apparently no malpractice, no public record of discipline and no pending proceedings. It does say court ordered but she could’ve voluntarily went inactive and the court so ordered.

And the site is IARDC (https://www.iardc.org.) Suggesting it is the Illinois Attorney Registration & Disciplinary Commission obviously with some connection to the ARDC.
I’m certainly no Obama fan but this doesn’t look like much. I may be wrong . . . hopefully.

…only to be smacked down by Ms. Juggs:

“RezDuane” looks like an obfuscator. He doesn’t know what he is talking about and is making up stories about “no malpractice issue” stated and “voluntarily” etc.

An attorney writes me:
as an attorney i am telling you that people can
“choose” to not pay their registration fees or take their continuing education of the bar and therefore go on “suspension…or inactive status
that goes thru the CAL BAR–the california bar association
this ADRC is for discipline reasons…not for those volunteering to stop practicing. it is COURT ORDERED…not
“michelle obama ordered” their website was very clear about their function and why they step in.

This obfuscation will not stand! To the barricades!!!

The ratfucking of this “election” is going gangbusters!

BREAKING….
The Great Wingnut Retort Playbook: 2009 Edition just released…
Some excerpts.
1. On the collapse of the global financial markets.

Retort: CRA, Jimmy Carter, FDR, poor banks forced to give po’ folk bad loans due to PC and the massive overregulation of the innocent banks.

2. On entering Year 6 of The Iraq War.

Retort: We already won that. Only Obama could fuck up our success there.

3. On the lack of Rednecks in Obama’s cabinet.

Retort: Once again the coloreds are declaring war on the South.

4. On Michelle Obama

Retort: Shut Up and Dance.

…Developing…

I, for one, am not fooled by the inclusion of “Registration” in the name of the Illinois Attorney Registration and Discipline Committee and recognize that everything they do is related to discipline. Apparently, I am disciplined every year when I submit my fees to the IARDC to renew my license. Or, I would be disciplined, except that I submit my fees and continue to practice. Or, I must continue to practice or I will be disciplined. Or maybe all of these things.

Oh, what do I smell? Conspiracy?

Has Pammy been arrested for murder yet?

If she does get arrested, will she use her own blog posts as evidence for an insanity plea?

Also, Pammy must be, like Coulter, very near her sell-by date. Has the RNC been grooming their new bloggerbimbos yet? Once Malkin’s looks go, they won’t have any left who they can put on TV…

According to the latest Gallup poll, Barack Obama is the most admired man in America. But you’ll never guess who finished #2 and who wound up behind him.

The womens’ results weren’t much more encouraging.

And what, “an attorney,”does the California Bar have to do with an Illinois issue?

I run rings around you logically.

Pammy’s never been on track for a TV position; that accent has too many negative associations, all of course promulgated by her beloved party of racists and coastal-dweller-demonizers. Pammy may spout the craziest kind of neocon nonsense, but to the Bolton-worshipping drooling rednecks, she sounds like their stereotype of an east coast liberal Jew. Or a star of a bad TV sitcom whose only joke was a seriously annoying accent played as obnoxiously as possible in order to entertain the yokels.

One of her commenters, RezDuane, attempts a small stab at coherence and sanity

Such a feeble and timid stab at coherence, the commentor meekly standing in the corner and staring at the floor like a battered wife awaiting the verdict on dinner. And for all that apologetic groveling, he still gets smacked across the mouth.

There’s a lesson in there somewhere.

I was sold to buy more Code Red and Cheetos.

spreading the justice of affirmative action far and wide

Looks like she did her job pretty damn well, eh? I thought conservatives were supposed to approve of that.

What no love for our 1 million dead and $1 trillion giveaway?

That’s not her tongue…Pam bit off John Bolton’s glans penis.

Pam bit off John Bolton’s glans penis

Dude, that shit grossed me out.

Wow. Georgie Boy kills a quarter of a million people because he was worried about the size of his dick and some folks are still bringing up Chappaquiddick? Sheesh.

Wow. I thought Coulter had a bad case of “man hands.”

Sarah Palin. Grunt. Snort. 50 miles from Russia. Snort. Sqeal. Show us your tits. Chortle. Choke. Snort. Now your daughter. Drool. Snort. Spittle. Now your daughter. Spittle. Pfft. Oyonk-Oyonk. Now your daughter. Sqeal!! Now your daughter!!!NOW YOUR DAUGHTER!!! OYONK-OYONK-OYONK-OYONK-OYONK-OYONK-OYONK-OYONK-OYONK-OYONK-OYONK-OYONK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DRILL,BABY,DRILL!!!!!!!!!DRILL,BABY,DRILL!!!!!!!!!DRILL,BABY,DRILL!!!!!!!!!DRILL,BABY,DRILL!!!!!!!!!DRILL,BABY,DRILL!!!!!!!!!DRILL,BABY,DRILL!!!!!!!!!DRILL,BABY,DRILL!!!!!!!!!DRILL,BABY,DRILL!!!!!!!!!DRILL,BABY,DRILL!!!!!!!!!DRILL,BABY,DRILL!!!!!!!!!DRILL,BABY,DRILL!!!!!!!!!DRILL,BABY,DRILL!!!!!!!!!DRILL,BABY,DRILL!!!!!!!!!
pant-pant-pant-pant-pant-pant-pant-pant-pant-pant-inhale.
Mehl. Licks paws. Falls asleep. Satiated.

Dear The Truth or whoever is playing him,

Please die in a fire.

Best,
Your Medication

I picture Troof in the middle of a desert, his last gasp put into an outstretched hand toward a beaten old laptop, vultures circling and circling above. Must…keep…

If this was a Republican, the Democrooks would have her up on charges already.

Well DUH Pammy, if we Demonspawn waited for you Republicans to force any accountability on YOUR politicians we would all be dead.

Also, Apparently Shorter Truth:

When liberals question Sarah Palin, they’re really thinking about raping her and her daughter.

Stay classy, dumbass.

Why so serious?

What I find amazing is how she treats every single “news” issue with the same fervor and intent. You read some bullshit post about Michelle Obama and it ends with the rhetorical “what would be the response if the Republicans had done this?”, then you read a post about two horrific deaths in Gaza, and it ends with “what if the Israeli’s had done this?”. It’s all one equivalency for her; forget black and white, there is no spectrum – everything is black.

Let’s see if these historical facts fit:
The Resolution Trust Company was set up by President G.H.W. Bush to ameliorate the damage done by insolvent savings and loans including one (Silverado Savings) run by his son Neil. A plurality of these insolvent savings and loans were in Florida and Texas. Some of the problems of these were traced to fraudulent loans, but according to the RTC rules, independent US attorneys were prevented from prosecuting. Later, the country club wing of the Republican party nominated George Junior and Jeb for Governors of these two states.
What was that crap about Princesses? All three of these turned out to be Dauphins.

All three of these turned out to be Dauphins.

…all I can think of is Flipper, but he was too smart for the part.

Aaand again, ironic timing.

Wow, I got two totally awesome Xmas day surprises: getting the only seat on the airplane with any empty seat next to me and getting a S,N! post title shout-out. Thanks, Clif, that made my day.

An attorney writes me:
as an attorney i am telling you that people can
“choose” to not pay their registration fees or take their continuing education of the bar and therefore go on “suspension…or inactive status
that goes thru the CAL BAR–the california bar association
this ADRC is for discipline reasons…not for those volunteering to stop practicing. it is COURT ORDERED…not
“michelle obama ordered” their website was very clear about their function and why they step in.

So, wait. Is An Attorney repeating what Pamalot said or is Pam re-emphasizing what she said originally only without the capitalization?

What’s that, An Attorney is A Figment of her imagination? Shocking.

You know, I’ve never heard her speak but from her reaction to RezDuaen I can tell she’s one of those people who talks faster and faster and faster and LOUDER AND LOUDER AND LOUDER when you try to contradict her crazy in an attempt to force a surrender by the sheer volume of words.

Pammycakes just cannot help it. Those tits have sucked all the blood away from her brain.

If you haven’t hear Pammy Cakes speak, count yourself lucky, and for FSM’s sake, do NOT visit her vlog to satisfy your curiosity. Let’s just say she sounds like the bastard child of Gilbert Gotfried and Fran Drescher on a four-day meth-and-tequila bender.

Wait. Who’s on the meth-and-tequila bender? Fran? Or the bastard child?

What’s that, An Attorney is A Figment of her imagination?

Simple questions…

a four-day meth-and-tequila bender

I remember those. This has to suck really bad.

While we are stuffing ballot boxes, don’t forget to head over to The Editors’ and vote for the Golden Wingers. Some truly prime (and way past “ripe”) nominees this year.

Wait, I’m still stuck on the bloodsucking vampire tits. Give me minute with that image.

Mmmm

a four-day meth-and-tequila bender

That’s low class. Try a week of Brandy Alexanders and Krylon huffing.

Or, Zombie Brain-devouring vampire boobs. This has potential, I tell ya

There is a relatively simple principle in evolutionary and developmental biology. It states that the body only has finite resources available for maintaining its various functions and must appoportion them according to need. Brains are expensive to maintain and it looks like Pammycakes’ body allocated the resources elsewhere.

Attack of the Fifty Foot Mammaries

Tit Came From Beyond Space

or the very twisted remake:

Them!

Let’s just say she sounds like the bastard child of Gilbert Gotfried and Fran Drescher on a four-day meth-and-tequila bender.

I once dated someone who thought Drescher’s accent was the epitome of hawt.

Notice my use of the past-tense.

OK,

The Invasion of the Bawdy Snatchers

The Dominatrix

Night of the Living Juggs

Wall-E (cup)

Cup D from Outer Space.

The Bustier Strikes Back.

Planet of the Fun Bags

Headlights of the Damned

Mars Needs Hooters!

Bra Wars: Return of the Jugi

Twoofie, sometimes you are good at pressing liberals buttons, I’ll give you that. But that last one is just lazy. I don’t care enough to even call you stupid.

Implants we can believe in!

Chappaquiddick! Chappaquiddick! Chappaquiddick! Chappaquiddick! Chappaquiddick! A million times Chappaquiddick!, so Shut Up

Also, Both Barbara and Laura Bush are smarter, more qualified and HOTTER than Michelle “I only got to be Fist Lady ’cause I’m married to Barack” Obama anyway. So there

meth-and-tequila

Is it lime, shot, meth; or meth, shot, lime?

C’mon Truth, surely you can do better than Chappalimpdick. Don’t you have any Lewinsky jokes to share?

Her most famous living family member, Uncle Ted, drunkenly drove a girl into icy waters and then fled the scene.

Whereas Bush’s closest living relative only killed a guy in a late night, alcohol fueled accident.

Your point?

i refuse to vote until pammycakes shows us her VAULT COPY LONG FORM birth certificate.

I was hoping my Christmas presents would include better trolls.

Le sigh.

Given her age, shouldn’t the movie be “Flabbyday Night Fever”?

Her most famous living family member, Uncle Ted, drunkenly drove a girl into icy waters and then fled the scene.

And the vultures spiral closer and closer.

You’re fucking pathetic.

Oh man, here’s to a new level of madness for the wingers in oh nine, huh?

The Party of Palin™ will move them not just to the right, but will allow them to attempt to mainstream the most vile screechers in their ranks. Calls for genocide, internment camps and indefinite detention for muslims and mexicans, pleas for war on everybody from pakistan to russia and china to NorKor and Somalia, tribalism,nativism, ignorance exclusion and hate will be the platform, and the increasing lack of education and rational thought among them will be hard for even cable news anchors to miss.

This is going to be fun to watch, not just for its raw entertainment value, an “eight” all by itself, but watching the last couple dozen rational conservatives fight to prevent the party that feeds them and keeps them in italian loafers and golf shoes from slipping entirely into irrelevance, and seeing them repeatedly slapped down for being “intellectual” and “socialist”, watching the entire right degrade into a drunken slapfight at a purity ball is going to fill my days with joy and my nights with schadenfreude…

mikey

Pam Gellar is an inspiration to all of us here in the Hard Land

My dream is that the current financial shenanigans, will, when the dust settles, bankrupt the pipers paying for Wingnut Welfare.

It’s not like they are getting value for money, lately.

When this mysterious source no longer props up our pundit class, then we will see free marketing!

I heartily second mikey.

I know some people get pissed off and even frightened by the deep, wide stream of crazy coming from the right. Maybe if I were smarter I’d be pissed and/or scared too. But shit, watching the biggest assholes in the country carefully take at their left foot after they’ve blown off their right is way too much fun.

I don’t even feel sorry for the few old school conservatives who are trying to hang on to the party. That party’s over, go start your own party, you lazy schmucks.

Rahm Emmanuel is eight Guys?

You know, I’ve never heard her speak but from her reaction to RezDuaen I can tell she’s one of those people who talks faster and faster and faster and LOUDER AND LOUDER AND LOUDER when you try to contradict her crazy in an attempt to force a surrender by the sheer volume of words.

Gee, just like a Scorsese movie! I can see her outranting Jake LaMotta before he gives her a black eye.

I read somewhere that it’s not a good idea when hungover to click on websites like Pammy’s. Ham and eggs, fine, not Pam and eggs.

Once Malkin’s looks go, they won’t have any left who they can put on TV…

They can always stage mud-wrestling bouts between Kathy Shaidle and Debbie Schlussel.

as the backlash begins, as the meltdown fires up even before inauguration day

Despite all polls showing the appeal of, and the public’s confidence and trust in, the president-elect. By wide, wide margins…to the point that the only people who aren’t OK with anything Obama’s doing are the same 20% dumbasses that you hang out with.

It must really, really, really suck to be you. I don’t know how you shoulder the burden.

As Obama appoints Chicago guy after Chicago guy to his cabinet,

Please tell more about the yellow coward from Texas?

It must really, really, really suck to be you. I don’t know how you shoulder the burden.

With an over the shoulder boulder holder.

[Runs]

I like poop!

Uh, Troof? It’s still enough for me that we are not looking at a McCain/Palin debacle for the next 4 years. If we had any farther to sink, I’m sure that dynamic duo would be able to facilitate the sinking.

WereBear said,
December 26, 2008 at 22:00

Attack of the Fifty Foot Mammaries

I, Titbot

Something Buxom This Way Comes

Tit Came From Beyond Space

or the very twisted remake:

Them!
=====================
Steerpike said,
December 26, 2008 at 22:05

OK,

The Invasion of the Bawdy Snatchers

The Dominatrix

Night of the Living Juggs

Wall-E (cup)
======================
Arky4That1 said,
December 26, 2008 at 22:08

Cup D from Outer Space.

The Bustier Strikes Back.
======================
WereBear said,
December 26, 2008 at 22:11

Planet of the Fun Bags

Headlights of the Damned

Mars Needs Hooters!
======================
The Truth said,
December 26, 2008 at 22:11

I lick my ass!
======================
Loneoak said,
December 26, 2008 at 22:15

Bra Wars: Return of the Jugi

You people even make ‘The Truth’ funny.

Michelle probably FELLATED a sex-crazed bisexual goat on the steps of the Illinois Supreme Court! OR MAYBE SHE STOLE MONEY FROM A JEWISH SENIOR CITIZEN’S TRUST FUND WHILE NUDE AND HIGH ON CRACK!!!!!!

“While nude?” If we’re talking about Obama and not the Jewish senior citizen, then you can count me in. I think that Mrs. Hussein X is kind of hot.

I told you he was a fraud, and now liberals are writing how they finally see that.

Could you be more disingenuous here? Sure, you have been saying for a long time that Obama was a fraud, but what you meant when you said it before the election was that he was a secret-Moozlim-terrorist-empty-suit-monster-out-to-destroy-Uhmerka-Wolverines!. What you mean now is that Obama is a fraud because he is disappointing some liberals by remaining too close to the centrist Democratic establishment. So, yes, you have been using the word ‘fraud’ all along, but a half-way literate and honest person would notice that this is a very flexible word and that you have meant wildly different and remarkably boring things by that word.

You people even make ‘The Truth’ funny.

You got a brablem with boob jokes?

I’m with Mikey and Arky. I look forward to the ascendancy of the mouthbreathing, troglodyte, talibangelical, beyond batshit crazy, know nothing Republicans under Our Lady of the Moose. They are really scary people, but they are also only a very small segment of the population who scares the shit out of the other 80% (including moderate conservatives and any sane independents). This is absolutely the best thing that could happen for us. Compare the intelligent, informed, competent Obama to these screeching monkeys and there is no question who triumps.

You got a brablem with boob jokes?

Oh no, not at all!

‘The Truth’ was the complete butt of the joke that I found humorous.

“Turd in a Ming Vase” kinda humor…

Twoofie, sometimes you are good at pressing liberals buttons, I’ll give you that.

That’s Truthie’s job. That’s all he does. That’s why he’s here. His only purpose is to press buttons, so facts, accuracy, logic, historical record – none of that matters.

This is what “conservatives” have degenerated to. It’s why the give out awards to Sarah Palin for “Conservative of the Year”: because she annoys liberals. That’s what the final definition of conservatism has become: being annoying. And Twoofie is fulfilling that purpose to the best of his ability (I bet his mama is really proud of him.)

Before the election, the point was to sow despair and perhaps even suppress voter turnout. Every liberal blog had a “despair troll” – I even wondered if they handed out assignments at Wingnut Central Command. And we got stuck with Twoofie.

That purpose hasn’t really changed, except the election is over so now the fallback position is to undermine Obama’s public support. Obviously, it doesn’t appear to be working.

But through it all, I still smell the stink of flop-sweat wafting from every word Twoofie types. The more he denies it, the more obvious it is.

Well, the woman sure can win online polls, that’s for sure. Twoof, is that your doing?

Is it lime, shot, meth; or meth, shot, lime?

Meth, shot, meth, lime, meth.

According to “The Tr-oaf”, Illinois of 2008 is the new Louisiana of 2005. Their tragedy is due to their poor morals as demonstrated by voting Democratic. A retired repub congressman is nominated for Transportation Secretary and “The Tr-oaf” thinks we’re having snit fits. Hey douchebag, nobody cares. Some people are pissed that Warren is going to be honored, and some people don’t give a shit. Oooh, the backlash, the backlash!!! Hey dumbshit, there is no backlash. If we’re talking disillusionment, where are all the Republicans lining up to anoint Palin Queen Bee? Looks like some of the wankers don’t want to play your losergame.

Once Malkin’s looks go, they won’t have any left who they can put on TV…

Coulter’s looks went about fifteen years ago, and that hasn’t stopped anyone.

Coulter’s looks went about fifteen years ago, and that hasn’t stopped anyone.

Don’t tell Troofie. She still gives him an almost stiffie.

An attorney writes me:
as an attorney i am telling you that people can

Either an imaginary attorney or Debbie Ding Dongs Schlussel, attorney de luxe with a degree from Wal-Mart Law School.

I kind of hate seeing Fran Drescher compared to Pam. Fran is a Democrat and was active in Hillary’s campaign. She’s not a nut bar like Pam, and she’s actually quite bright. I must admit though that their voices are identical to my midwestern ear. But Fran’s isn’t singing “My Sharia”

Coulter’s looks went about fifteen years ago, and that hasn’t stopped anyone.

Around the time of “the change”.

The change from what, vampire to zombie?

When they do get down to the rump of teh crazee, I think that they will just take it on the road, a travelling nostalgia show. Like some ABBA covers band that makes one think “WTF do they do this” at the same time as “I was right to hate them the first time around”.

It would seem that Five Feet of Funk (not the good funk) at least has more honor or a greater sense of self-esteem than Ms. Geller, as evidenced by Kathy S. having withdrawn herself from this fabulous competition.

Pam will accept any & all votes, even if they come from a Viagara spambot.

Pam will accept any & all votes, even especially if they come from a Viagara spambot.

There, fixed it for you for free.

Paamys guest bloggers go to even scarier levels of word salad scatalogical crazy. It’s kind of weird that even the chromozonically challenged truthers like our wingbot Truth would want to live in a world governed by that level of insanity.

Meth, shot, meth, lime, meth.

No, you got all wrong, incompetent DEMONcrap! Being from Butte, I’m pretty educated. It’s: Meth, meth, meth, meth, shot of meth, another shot of meth, lime and a lie down.

Well, a debate between Fran Drescher and Pammycakes might be amusing. With earplugs.

There, fixed it for you for free.

“Free? No charge for me? I love you!!”

Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for McCain. You’ll be disappointed, but ‘no big deal, change can’t come overnight’ will be your comment. Florida will go red, and a little nervousness will creep in. The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.

My advice at this point to you will be to go to bed. You will wake up to a McCain presidency and the Great Liberal Freakout will be on.

Bookmark this, liberals, as this is exactly how it is going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to call this.

Meth, shot, meth, lime, meth.

No, you got all wrong, incompetent DEMONcrap! Being from Butte, I’m pretty educated. It’s: Meth, meth, meth, meth, shot of meth, another shot of meth, lime and a lie down.

Damn, who’s your cooker, Bozo the clown? If you’re doin up that much righteous speed, you’re gonna be seven kinds of face pickin weird.

Or, all you’re gonna get is drowsy with a nosebleed.

Here’s sumpin the kids call a protip. If you do a real hit of crank and you want to bump it anytime soon, it’s not speed, it’s cut.

The tip is get to know the cooker, and when they evaporate the crystals out of solution, THOSE are the shit you want. Street dealers sell you stinky but inert crap. If you don’t at least know WHERE it was cooked, and by WHOM, you are wasting your time, money and mucous membranes…

mikey

seven kinds of face pickin weird.

Now that’s funny. Out-loud funny.

“Free? No charge for me? I love you!!”

Perhaps that’s why I return to this site, and its comment threads, with obsessive regularity — to see complete strangers make unexplained references to Albert Brooks’ lyrics to Ravel’s “Bolero”

And who says I don’t have a distinctive style? You liberals do know me. Heh. (Although DN is wrong about the other post, but again, I love all my imposters equally).

And one part of my distinctive style is to say something completely illogical, and outright false, and then act surprised or try and make some weak joke when people say “What the buggering fuck…?!” to it, because well, it made sense to me that they might not actually be capable of consistent and coherent thought. Because I certainly am not so able… The above was a good example of said little tic; No one has ever said anything other than “God Truth, you are a tedious and predictable and really, really obvious douchebag… why do you bother when you can always be spotted, no matter what new name you try and think up, because what you always say is always the same insane honking?”. But now I’m going to pretend there might have been some ambiguity in your heads about me, eh liberals? And doesn’t it make me look cute when I confess that yes, I don’t have the ability to write in many different styles after all…

But next week, when “you” have forgotten that I ever said that, I’ll tell myself you now can’t recognize me again. I’ll even try telling “you” that you can’t. And then I’ll lose complete control and obsess about DrDick and his career in academia again.

And misattribute one of the most famous quotes from George W. Bush to a liberal, and pat myself on the back for being so clever; Heckuva job, Truthie!

And then… well, I’ll make more predictions of the quality I did above. Because even though hundreds of people now know me for the “Bookmark This Liberals” prediction, and even though I have admittedly myself that I’m just writing in exactly the same standard today somehow, deep down, I know, I really know that my latest claims must bother you just a little. It must dp. There can be no doubt. I know. I know I’m clever. I know I fool you. I know I hurt you. I know. I ….

HONK HONK HONK! DrDick! Dick dick dick! Fuck you liberals, fuck your dick! Chippaquadick! Diiiiiiiick!

*hides head in hands*

I’m sorry, let me come back in and try again. Hold on, whilst I try and think of something witty and yet deep for you as a new user name.

“Hello, I’m ‘The Declaration Of Dhim-dependence”. Non sequitur, non sequitur, thinly veiled trolling.’

You’re the Truth again, aren’t you?

“If I don’t respond to that, no one will know it’s me…. why aren’t we talking about non sequitur yet?”

We still can recognize it’s you, you know. The obsession with an unrelated point in every single post gives it away…

“I’m not obsessed. Stop making me angry!”

Boobies

“Dick! Dick I say! DICK!!!!”

ha ha ha

“Yeah, well book mark this, fucking liberals! Obama is going to be unpopular! 24% favorable ratings unpopular! Which is BAD!”

“Damn. I did it again.”

Bettencourt said,
December 27, 2008 at 4:09

“Free? No charge for me? I love you!!”

Perhaps that’s why I return to this site, and its comment threads, with obsessive regularity — to see complete strangers make unexplained references to Albert Brooks’ lyrics to Ravel’s “Bolero”

Not completely unexplained:

DrDick said,
December 27, 2008 at 1:39

Pam will accept any & all votes, even especially if they come from a Viagara spambot.

There, fixed it for you for free.

And, you win for recognizing it. Half my intent being to see if anyone would recognize it.

(May also be Harry Shearer’s lyrics, as he co-wrote the album, IIRC.)

Face it Truthie. You’re here because we’re funny (not me so much). Even though we trash you and yours we do it with wit and style. You can’t get that from the likes of Pammy and Malkin. It’s dullsville over there and we’re probably even nicer than they are. We don’t have ideological purges here.

No, face it Truthie, you secretly want to be like us. You need us or you wouldn’t hang out here all the time. We’re the only friends you have.

Pam is well known for shill posts that attempt to buttress her nonsense. I suspect “As an Attorney” is Pam herself. The crazy can be multiplied/divided ad infinitum and remain entirely undiluted.

OMFG!!!

Teh Trout showing up on a post about Pamzilla’s flamejob on Michelle Obama? I’m shocked, SHOCKED I tell you! Nobody could have predicted him flying his pointed head into a brick wall like this.

Feeble attempts at trolling with Chappaquiddick or Byrd make even the monotonous inanity of Teh Eternal Nader Warz look downright highbrow. Much like Obama actually doing what he said he’d do & “reaching across the aisle” must shock the hell out of Americans after eight solid years of unrelenting bullshit from the Oval Office … but the “Democratic party meltdown” (?!?) of DFH mass-suicide has yet to materialize.

Yeah, you’re sure putting the hurts on all us hypocritical LIEberals – & I’m sure Don Quixote struck mortal dread into the hearts of all those evil windmills too. Truly the mark of a defective chromosome at play there. Dude, we can’t hear what you’re saying over the noise of your knuckles dragging.

Last Blago headline I recall was to the effect of “FBI: Obama had no contact with Blagojevich” which is why nobody gives two shits about it anymore … he’ll get his day in court & it’ll be forgotten in a matter of weeks by everyone not of The One True Faith Of NEOCON(TM) … ah, yes, Herr Trout’s leitmotif: the reek of epic fail.

“Bookmark this, liberals” is going to end up becoming a bloody meme at this rate … somebody was warned about posting their idiotic swill in a medium that never forgets, & somebody didn’t listen.

They are really scary people, but they are also only a very small segment of the population who scares the shit out of the other 80%

They also have absolutely no comprehension that they’re doing it, or that there could possibly be any reason for it to be that way. Anybody who so much as looks askance at them is obviously a dirty liberal traitor and should immediately be stoned to death. TO DEATH!!!!!!!!!

Well, I suppose that’s one way to make friends.

“Bookmark this, liberals” is going to end up becoming a bloody meme at this rate …

I nominate it to the growing list of all internet traditions, of which we are aware.

“Go vote for Pamela for Grande Venti Conservative Blogress, Fabulous Diva, and Absolutely Divine Princess 2009.”

This observer humbly submits for your approval:

If not, where are my bloody posts?

Up your arse, where you shoved them.

If not, where are my bloody posts?

I suggest we form a committee to consider appointing a task force to study the advisability of convening a tribunal to seek non-binding recommendations as to the proper deliberative approach for a timely investigation of The Truth’s allegations.

Atlas Shrugged = Stupid Cow.

And to The Truth = Are you rightards ALL delusional?

“Liberal disillusionment” – Yes, dear – you and Mannie Annie Coulter keep telling yourselves that.

Look, Twoof, would you reel in your prolapsed intestine already? Watching it hump DrDick’s leg with the anus puckering and unpuckering in hunger is a sight that even David Cronenberg finds a bit distasteful.

This is how nuts Coulter is:

“Coulter was born in New York City and raised in Connecticut by an upper middle class family. Her father, John Vincent, was an FBI agent turned union-buster who enjoyed shooting squirrels in his backyard. According to a column Coulter wrote upon this dick’s death on January 4, 2008, he was “very funny.” She concluded her tribute, “Now Daddy is with Joe McCarthy and Ronald Reagan. I hope they stop laughing about the Reds long enough to talk to God about smiting some liberals for me.” Unfortunately for John Vincent Coulter, based on whom he’s hanging out with, it sounds like he’s in hell.”

From Dickipedia.

Gold standard? Is Troofie retarded?

And to The Truth = Are you rightards ALL delusional?

Yes. This has been another …..

You all must breathe a sigh of relief when you see me post..

Oh, sorry, did you hear that? Must have been the beans I had for dinner.

Gold standard? Is Troofie retarded?

At the risk of repetition, yes. This has been yet another installment of …..

Most posts here are a) navel gazing at how much better people you are than conservatives (by far the majority); b) lonely singles nattering about their pets c) sucking up to Nelson

Hi, lemme tell you ’bout my librul catz. But first, WTF is Nelson?

how much better people you are than conservatives

We are. And you are NOT the majority.

Mean-spirited bulls*t = wickedly funny political commentary

Rightards have everything backwards. True bizarros.

I never really understood the motivation between the kind of people who basically hang out on a website to declare how much they hate hanging out on that website. At least have the class to start your own free WordPress/Blogspot/Livejournal/whatever with a witty name like “Sadly, LAME” or “Craply, No” or “Funny? Nope” and sequester the bitching over there

We are. And you are NOT the majority.

The American people agree with liberal positions over conservative ones on virtually every major issue (the war, the economy, domestic spying, warrants, abortion, church & state separation, etc., etc.) by a 60-70% margin depending on the issue. In some cases to jumps up to 80%.

At least have the class to start your own

Class? Troofie?? Class?????

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Of course, now you’ve set yourself up for a wicked burn from Le Trouf about how the only class you have is the one full of brainwashed proto-hippies and affirmative action princess-drones.

I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY

LEGAL LAWYERISTIC NOTE: all who use the above burn immediately owe N.C. like ten bajillion-brazillion dollars and a puppy, on pain of noogies

I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY

Oh, very much so. Killfile solves all such annoyances. If a wingnut screams silently in the empty void of the abyss, does it really matter?

Obama is going to be unpopular! 24% favorable ratings unpopular

Aha ! You’re (Shorter-Big)Dick Morris! Or are you just copying him, ( save you the trouble – insert Biden/plagarism joke here 😉 and reading the latest bulletin from Wingnut Central?

Th problem with C. Kennedy isn’t her relatives .It’s the sense of entitlement that comes from being related to them . Seems as though we should be able to find somebody out of our ~20M people that’s not a legacy-baby ( such as our curren tWH occupant) , that’s also not a total effing moron/asshole . (such as our current WH occupant) ( My suggestion – M. Dunau , [organic farmer] Green Party, Hancock , who actually took the time to run for the seat vs Hillary)

mikey, Arky4, here in teh Shoulderland , we produce more than our share of over-the-top-batshit-crazy-wingnuts (some related to me ) , and it is quite entertaining. 🙂

if yours doesn’t agree with his, he simply pretends they doesn’t exist

(…psst, sometimes they doesn’t, you know!!)

DrDick Fears Me said,

Hee-hee-hee-hee! That is certainly a giggle (not nearly worthy of a belly laugh). Yeah, like a pesky mosquito or fly, maybe. A little bugspray and the annoyance is gone. I learned long ago simply to ignore tedious, moronic boors like you. There is nothing there to engage and I do not need to waste my time with your repetitious, sophomoric garbage.

My cat’s breath smells like cat food.

Nelson Rockefeller?

Der Truth may not like animal discussion since the time that wily badger cheated D. T. out of his magic beans & barely used unicorn.

Ah! The Troollfthgh! Hail Cthulhu! It re-emerges, nuzzling the clean air suspiciously, from its pool of toxic ooze. Huzzah!

How about you give us a quick rundown of how and why you screwed up your ’08 election predictions, you fuckin’ idiot?

No, really: you’re a fuckin’ idiot. Take your bullshit back to Stormfront and stop annoying people with a fully functioning cerebrum.

There are many people who read this site and don’t comment…

Oh, would that you were one of them!

Engaging Troofie is rather like stepping in fresh dog shit. Smelly, messy, and disgusting, but no serious harm. Scrape it off the bottom of your shoe and move on, being careful not to step in any more.

The Twu:

and yet you fall all over yourselves licking the boots of the first aristocratic twat with a notorious name

prescott bush;

george h.w. bush;
george w. bush

Call us back when you figure out a better argument, dumbfuck.

…and he/it itself is rather like a stupid and incontinent dog that keeps running in front of you and depositing further “goodies”..

Really. He’s an attempted parodist who hasn’t even bothered to master Wingnut Spelling Dysfunction. He spells too well for anyone to believe him to be an actual nutter.

…and he/it itself is rather like a stupid and incontinent dog that keeps running in front of you and depositing further “goodies”..

Which is why killfile is so lovely. Sort of automatic dogshit radar that keeps you from stepping in anymore.

And, DrDick? Yes, I know you’re right. It’s just late, and I’m pissed at these swine.

Yes, I know you’re right. It’s just late, and I’m pissed at these swine

I know. That is why I like killfile, as it removes the temptation.

Yay! I voted! I voted twice! Even Canadians can vote (unlike in your crappy president election)!. And she is so totally winning thanks to teh power of Sadly, No!!! (She has a picture of a very cool Moslem bus on her homepage, too.)

You know, I’ve been trying to catch a glimpse of these legendary wingnut jugs, but every time I type “Pam Atlas” into a GIS, all I get is links to Sadly, No! posts.

=/

…from Pammy

MUSLIMS KILL 10 IN PHILLIPINES{sic] CHRISTMAS DAY

…well, they are one up on Santa

MUSLIMS KILL 10 IN PHILLIPINES{sic] CHRISTMAS DAY

So, do we really want to go into the tallies for the Crusades, the Inquisition, the witch trials, the conquest of the Americas and Africa, not to mention Iraq (twice) and Afghanistan.

I asked …[blah, blah, blah]

and yet, surprisingly, no one gave a shit!!!

and yet, surprisingly, no one gave a shit!!!

Exactly. Asking does not entitle you to the answer of your choice (or any answer). Try asking an attractive woman to fuck you. When you get out of the hospital, we will all have a good laugh about it.

The last time a nasty liberal academic went on the offensive, his girlfriend blew herself to smithereens, so we can be pleased to know …

Why, thank you for your reasoned argument. Your erudition is welcome here anytime!

Double+unTruth:

Please take your strawman w/ you & burn in the theological place of eternal damnation.

burn in the theological place of eternal damnation.

Well, if you believe in that sort of thing, that is an absolute certainty. Seldom have I encountered anyone so clearly the antithesis of what his suppose savior actually taught. Be nice if some of these Rethug Talibangelicals ever bothered to read the Gospels (as opposed to the incoherent rantings of St. Paul the Delusional and St. John the Hallucinator).

Oh, I forgot the very selective reading of Leviticus. Somehow never stops them from eating shellfish, bacon, and ham and cheese or wearing poly blends. Haven’t seen any burnt offerings at any churches lately either.

…well, if Leviticus puts an end to polyester, there must be some good in it, I say! (Now pass me that lobster!)

Leviticus only bans blended fabrics, not polyester, unfortunately. On the other hand, we could pose as really devout fundies and stone everybody as they come out of the local Four Square Trinitarian Double-Stuffed Fully Gospelled Truly Holiness Church on Sunday.

Polyester isn’t uncool anymore. Not since microfiber.

yeah, I meant “polyester” (nudge, nudge, wink, wink), not polyester per se.

[I just love to use tags!!!]

You know, it’s seeming to me that Twoofie’s ranting about “liberal academics” is something personal.

Like, he found out his college girlfriend was fucking her sociology professor behind his back. The professor was a dashing, goateed dialectical Marxist who recited Rumi to her while massaging her naked body with coconut oil. Her feeble attempts to cover up smell of coconuts by eating a steady stream of Mounds candy bars did not ally his suspicions, and one day he followed the professor’s VW bug to a rendezvous with the girlfriend, catching them in flagrante delicto at an S/M fetish party.

He’s been a bitter, bitter man ever since.

…but did she blow herself to smithereens?

Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for McCain. You’ll be disappointed, but “no big deal, change can’t come overnight” will be your comment. Florida will go red, and a little nervousness will creep in. The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.

My advice at this point to you will be to go to bed. You will wake up to a McCain presidency and the Great Liberal Freakout will be on.

Bookmark this, liberals, as this is exactly how it is going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to call this.

(or maybe she blew her professor… to smithereens)?

I’m starting to think freeping the Blogress poll for Juggsy was a mistake. Firstly, Ace & Gary actually like her, and secondly, she was already winning after Shaidle withdrew. They’re just going to go with it.

We should have chosen Lady Shitmoat.

Well, we have till Jan 5 to make it a horse race (so to speak, no implications about appearances intended, if you know what I mean).

I know what you don’t mean.

Polyester isn’t uncool anymore.

When was it uncool?? I have numerous brightly colored polyester leisure suits (bought in the 1970’s) that I wear to The Blood Clot every night. They look virtually the same as the day I bought ’em with the proceeds of my first big harvest at the dental floss farm. They NEVER go out of style, making me Butte’s Bro Bummel.

There are many people who read this site and don’t comment, and I can tell you that DrDick is a character that you couldn’t make up. He is doing a lot to change minds, and not the way you liberals would hope he is.

Ah, yes, I was wondering when someone would comment on this phenomenon: the silent majority of Sadly No readers who never post their thoughts but who read the site obsessed with DrDick in the same way nineteenth century Dickens readers were obsessed with Little Nell. Will DrDick succumb to the crazed opium-fiendish Uriah T. Truth? Will he become prisoner of Shitmoat Manor?

Every fortnight, thousands of Sadly No readers flock to the docks to await the arrival of the next installment (I’m not sure why they flock to the docks exactly, since they could easily just look at it on the internet. But I believe it has something to do with picking up sailors).

When was it uncool?? I have numerous brightly colored polyester leisure suits (bought in the 1970’s) that I wear to The Blood Clot every night.

*********WARNING TO EVERYONE!!!

Do not do any welding while wearing a polyester leisure suit! Or any polyester for that matter. Just don’t do it.

Do not light former in-laws’ house on fire while wearing a polyester Santa Suit either.

I obsessed with DrDick. Especially if he shares my adoration of microfiber.

I think Robert Spencer is stuffing the online ballot box at my place since his “She’s a hero of Western Civilization” comment. She was way ahead last I looked. Then again I did have the flu in between all of it. Ah well.

Speaking of, they have some kind of bad mojo here. My cut and paste won’t work now and is stuck spitting this out still:

Robert Spencer has left a new comment on your post “Who’s Winning the Blog War/Soap Opera?”:

I don’t think all of you do.

Why won’t it stop? Dammit!! At least you guys appreciate the humor. What is this, some twisted version of instant karma?

Lex, I’m sure you are using a PC? And it’s Clipboard?

Bwahahahaha!

I hate the PC’s Clipboard with the heat of a thousand suns!

A quick review tells me Troofie was alone and drunk on the Friday after Christmas.

Not much for family, are you, Troofie?

Or is the Truth, they don’t care much for you?

I’m betting the latter.

It’s time for a libel suit. This ugly imbecile Geller needs to learn that, even in the United States which is so hospitable to free speech, you can only say so much before you end up on the losing side of a lawsuit. Freedom of speech is not unlimited license to libel. And while American law and precedent gives extra protection to those who derogate prominent public figures (c.f. Flynt vs. Falwell), it’s obvious that to slander a professional with false accusations that she was disciplined by the state regulatory agency is actionable libel, pure and simple.

You may say it is beneath Michelle Obama’s dignity to reply to, or even acknowledge the existence of, a drunken halfwit like Pamela Geller. That’s true, it would indeed be undignified for a serious adult like Michelle Obama to get down in the wallow with a malicious idiot like Geller. But the Obamas should also remember that the absurd impeachment of Clinton was built upon a foundation of countless Scaife-financed blatant lies, spewed by similarly childish idiots, which were ignored rather than fought.

In the interest of this country, Michelle Obama should endure her understandable disgust and haul this lying Geller woman and her sponsors to court, which will relieve her of her wealth and enjoin her on pain of imprisonment from promulgating any more of her lies.

Agreed!

In the interest of this country, Michelle Obama should endure her understandable disgust and haul this lying Geller woman and her sponsors to court, which will relieve her of her wealth and enjoin her on pain of imprisonment from promulgating any more of her lies.

Shades of Carol Burnett vs. The Enquirer.

There should be more of a penalty that merciless ridicule.

Though merciless ridicule is what I can afford.

Pammycakes must be creaming her panties right now. Israel launcehed airstrikes against Gaza killing and injuring hundreds of innocent Palestinians. All in the name of peace of course.

But the Obamas should also remember that the absurd impeachment of Clinton was built upon a foundation of countless Scaife-financed blatant lies, spewed by similarly childish idiots, which were ignored rather than fought.
Its already up and running, see Blago Scandal.

Have you come to terms with the (lack of) me yet?

COME TO TERMS WITH MEEEEEEEE

Like so many Wile E Coyotes, in those triumphant few seconds before looking down.
The right has a little momentum left in its flywheel, a few milliwatts in its batteries, and a little headroom on its harddrive.

And then they look down. Yes, this will be fun. Oh, it may take awhile, but it will be fun:

Clue to wingnuts: People view the government differently when they see it as keeping them from starving, not preventing them from getting rich.

But what about my point on Ann Coulter?

Here’s a hint.

NO ONE CARES!

(Now pass me that lobster!)

Mmmm, Rumaki. The most unholy of appetizers.

Its already up and running, see Blago Scandal.

Oh, I call bullshit on that one. Blago more than deserves all of the trouble he’s having.

It’s time for a libel suit. This ugly imbecile Geller needs to learn that, even in the United States which is so hospitable to free speech, you can only say so much before you end up on the losing side of a lawsuit.

Theodore Roosevelt, after he left the White House, hauled some jerkwater newspaper editor (Iron City, Mich., IIRC) into court for calling him a drunk. And won.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if Pammycakes found herself in the dock and they brought out that Malcolm X is Obama’s daddy stuff? The jurors would pee themselves laughing.

Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for McCain. You’ll be disappointed, but “no big deal, change can’t come overnight” will be your comment. Florida will go red, and a little nervousness will creep in. The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.

My advice at this point to you will be to go to bed. You will wake up to a McCain presidency and the Great Liberal Freakout will be on.

Bookmark this, liberals, as this is exactly how it is going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to call this.

A real smackdown from one of the nutters over at Pammy’s site:

Mish in California:

Hey Yonason, where do you find your nonsense and lies…
it took me but a moment to look up the illinois law and specifically Rule number 770..it is all about types of Discipine…and reasons for a lawyer to be disbarred…(mmmm, look at the one you pulled out of thr air…fruedian slip here pal?)

Yeah, he/she actually links to the Rule of Court but evidently fails to read it. Specifically this history note for Rule 770 :

Effective April 1, 2004, former Rule 771 (“Types of Discipline”) was renumbered as Rule 770 and a new Rule 771 (“Finality of Orders and Effective Date of Discipline”) was adopted.

These really might be the stupidest people on the planet.

Actor212’s Never Found Audience said,

This is the best you can come up with to describe a fifty-something character actor?

LOL!

Put down the vodka and step away from the keyboard, son. You’re embarrasing yourself by admitting I’ve got your balls in my pocket.

Which, I might point out, means I have an audience of at least one: you!

Have a nice day, sucker! Pwned!

Please die in a fire, IMDB.com aka the person we all know to be behind you.

In the interest of this country, Michelle Obama should endure her understandable disgust and haul this lying Geller woman and her sponsors to court, which will relieve her of her wealth and enjoin her on pain of imprisonment from promulgating any more of her lies.

Converseley, the nutters like to claim the failure to do so constitutes an admission that the claims are true.

See, for instance, Kerry and the Sleaze Boat nutters .

PS, not saying anyone should sue. Aside from the legal hurdles faced by a public figure, it seems like a collosal waste of time.

You know, I thought the ogress thing was just an exaggeration.

But then:

I am thinking of all the delicious Jewish lives …

So I posted the info from my 10:28 comment over at Pammy’s place, and guess how long it took her to delete it?

I posted congrats, too, noting that Sadly, No! had alerted me to the contest, but that my vote(s) were sincere, since I think she is truly outstanding among the wingnuts. It took her less than five minutes to delete it. I re-posted, but I imagine I am now banned for life.

obama fucking bastard jew

Fuck you, you little racist shit.