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Wingnut All-Star: Jeff Goldstein (Part I)
Wingnut: Jeff Goldstein
Team: Macho Men
League: Chickenhawk
AKA: Pasty, Count Blogula, Purblind Jism, Manshake, Mark Discordia
Affinities/Attributes: Psychosis, Bullying, Paste-Eating, Dissembling, Lit Theory
Managed By: Pajamas Media Affiliate
He Shall Overcome
(Since Jeff Goldstein’s anti-fans have been clumsily psychoanalysed by Ace of Debased — an effort since punctured by Brad, Roy and TBOGG — consider this my reply in kind, and well worth the effort since Goldstein and his commenters have recently started outing anonymous liberals.)
Jeff Goldstein is a real piece of work, a posterchild for the inferiority complex and resultant over-compensation issues delineated in Adlerian psychology. As is so often the case, the inferiorities he feels are both real and, simply, perceived. There’s nothing wrong with being a Mr. Mom or failed academic, yet Goldstein’s behavior indicates he feels differently — he’s so very touchy about it. On the other hand, there is something wrong with being a chickenhawk coward, a paste-eating cretin, and a talentless hack. Hence his overcompensation in the form of obnoxious aggression (often to the point of violent threats), pseudo-intellectual windbaggery, atrociously banal “short-fictions”.
To the casual observer, Goldstein might seem to be a garden-variety internet wingnut, a suburban douchebag whose sad and petty hatreds, frustrations over stagnated ambitions and innate cowardice lead him to adopt a sort of Walter-Mitty-As-Rambo-As-Whackjob-Blogger schtick, whereby all his fantasies of action and genocidal crusade and manly-man aggression are sated through internet jackassery. Of course if Goldstein really wanted some adventure, he could go to the recruiting office, but — hahahahaha — everyone knows that ain’t gonna happen. And yeah, all of this is common enough on the WingNet, although Goldstein has a curiously ambitious drive to be the biggest jerk of them all, and he very nearly succeeds. Added to this drive and his deep, abiding fear that he might be a weenie is his status as “Literature Wingnut” and the unique salad of sex and violence issues which reside in his otherwise empty brainpan; Goldstein’s a hell of a case study.
His sex and violence issues I’ll deal with first; if by the end you’re not also convinced that Goldstein is certifably crazy and that, therefore, he ought to be straitjacketed and shot-up with elephant tranquilizers, then you should be drubbed to death with a giant dildo.
A Little Penis Fixation
Jeff Goldstein has without a doubt the biggest macho complex at least since George Thorogood’s. Which is why the “chickenhawk” epithet is so injurious to him. (Goldstein is so discombobulated by the Chickenhawk label that he, like Jonah Goldberg, has to rely on Christopher Hitchens’s argument against it; both are too stupid or dishonest to acknowledge that Hitchens was revising himself; and of course none of this prevents Goldstein from turning right around and applying a derivative of the term to Rod Dreher.) Like all the rest of the 82nd Chairborne Brigade, his affected stance is broadly swaggering, hypermasculine, chock-full of bravado and chest-thumping — all of which is not only self-serving, but also a distended reaction inspired by how Goldstein sees the Left: as a collection of wimps. The irony of course is that if Goldstein were really so tough and so confident of his pro-war righteousness as all his rhetoric insists, he’d be in Iraq. But then he, like all chickenhawks, regards such moral logic as unreasonable and impossible. Actually, the very idea of 101st Keyboarders putting, so to speak, their money where their mouth is, is liable to make them terrified to the point of incontinence. And though I’m fairly sure that Goldstein’s barcalounger has more than its share of urine stains, the Left’s perception that Goldstein isn’t heroic material inspires in him a great deal more than that. Goldstein the Chickenhawk is reduced to violently asserting that he too is a macho man!Reduced to soiling himself not in fear but in anger! To asserting that he is more manly than any lefty, to be sure, (despite what his adenoidal, wimpy voice sounds like, which he is always quick to say is the fault of technology, not lack of testosterone!) and it is with monomaniacal fixation on his genitals and those of others that he means to demonstrate his ultimate masculinity. Thus Goldstein-Chickenhawk becomes Goldstein-Cockvulture and his garden-variety wingnut resentment becomes a thematic demonstration of his unique insanity.
After calling a fellow wingnut (who allowed that John Murtha might be onto something) a “Chickenlittlehawk” and then being reminded that he is one of the biggest Chickenhawks around, Goldstein replied:
All those using the chickenhawk argument are on the wrong board. Here you go.And here’s the contributor’s page for Kevin.
I added him to my AIM buddy list: catcomguy.
I’m going to see if we can set up a meeting. He seems so tough in his picture—cigarette, beer, hat turned backwards, Malcolm X glasses.
Wonder if he’d like to feel my dick slapping him across his face.
WTF, huh? Well, here he explains his “authorial intent”:
It means what it means, you wannabe-tough baby pussy. Specifically, that if you want to call me a chickenhawk to my face, I’ve added you to my AIM (you haven’t reciprocated) so that I can get your personal info, or give you mine, and we can arrange a meet up.At which point, after I beat you like a bitch, I will hold you down and smack you across the face repeatedly with my cock.
Pretty simple.
Let’s get started on this.
And:
Pancakes? Bisquick and water.Now about spanking Kevin’s across his face with my cock…
To a Jewish emailer who asks him to quit giving his fellow Jews a bad name, the first thing Goldstein can think of in response is:
howsabout you just glue on a bit of the foreskin you snip off the next transient you blow, then try to blend.
He thinks John Cole’s lefty commenters are:
[a] band of dickless fucktards
Meanwhile, the Liberal Avenger is in Goldstein’s estimation:
a world class cock.
And TBOGG’s commenters are denounced as:
fucking turnip-headed dickslurpers who hang out at this pseudo-intellectual dump fellating each other over their own supposed “reality-based” genius to piss on the reputations of strangers while posting under such clever screen names. How fucking brave.But no worries. Rather than trying to engage, instead we get funny pictures of clowns and regurgitated memes from Poorman & Atrios (Jeff is stupid) and Glenn Greenwald (Jeff is a Bush cultist). But hey, whatever keeps your traffic flowing and the self-congratulatory jism pumping “Tbogg.”
On encountering a genuine anti-semite on a fellow wingnut’s blog (imagine!), which gave him license to reply in whatever fashion, Goldstein’s cock-fixation again showed itself to be dominant:
Wow, what a release of pent-up incoherence, Cedarford. So happy to have a forum for your anti-Jew material that you shot your load too soon, eh? Couldn’t even onjure up a nice Jew bash fantasy before cuming all over the comments section?
Wingnuts in 2004 said a lot of choice things about Dan Rather, but it’s doubtful many of them immediately saw fit to comment about his man-junk. But then Goldstein is unique:
I think I just heard one of Dan Rather’s testicles climb up into his abdomen.
But even within the context of his monomania, sometimes he frets about things closer to home, as it were. Of a dietary supplement, he asks:
…So. Nothing is going to, you know…shrivel, is it –?
The supplement’s giggles were not recorded.
Not that all his cock-fixation program activities are about threats and insults; some involve fantasies and even compliments. And lame attempts at humor, like his “interview” with Jeff Gannon’s “COCK” (a word that Goldstein, Master of Projection, always renders in all-caps, by which he means to underline the object of the Left’s supposed fixation). And naturally, wingnuts, already taking seriously their claim to general idiocy, hasten to prove their atrocious aesthetic judgement by lauding Goldstein’s efforts.
Even friends make Goldstein think of cock. Of his pal Patrick Bateman Vodkapundit, Goldstein blurbs:
Steve Green is to blogging what John Holmes was to enormous penises.
On finding Tucker Carlson’s replies to Jon Stewart (who had called Carlson a dick; yet unlike Goldstein, Stewart is not known to exhibit a pattern of cockomania; he meant the term as being synonymous with “jerk”) apparently too feeble, Goldstein, presumably since the very word was mentioned and therefore drawn like moth to flame (cockotropism?), couldn’t resist providing Carlson with ammo:
“It’s genetic, the big dick thing. My father was hung like a horse.�
[…]
“Any truth to the rumor you and Lewis Black like to toss each others’ salads?
So. Very. Funny. The penis, apparently, is the soul of wit — and fantasy! The penises of enemies are too fodder for Goldstein’s ordinarily shrivelled and tiny imagination which becomes, suddenly, vivid:
Atrios awakens—simultaneously aroused and a bit ashamed—to find his stumpy Duncan jr. still semi-tumescent, his sheets puddled and tacky from a longing that, alas, millions of slackjawed Rethuglican voters refuse to let come to pass…
And:
We’ll be treated to a post about my hypocrisy that misses the point, obfuscates the identity of the speakers, muddles the context, and is replete with trademark Roy “smarts� that are then dutitfully parrotted and cheered by his robotic reaadership who, like the proverbial emperor’s sycophantic minions, will pretend that he’s not marching around in his cyber bedroom with his little prick bobbing about like a poorly-functioning metronome.
And:
Which assessment, I might add, is quite different from the one he had of me back when he was still going by Andrew Northrup and not trying to pick traffic crumbs out of the pudendas of Atrios and Kos like some lowly genital crab.
And (with ample projection):
Riiiight. Like I’m going to answer that and let you finish getting yourself off.Sorry. You’re going to have to insert some other guy’s cockswallowing into your masturbatory fantasies.
And:
Tell me, Bart? Do you masturbate to mental images of yourself standing astride the world, being noble?Tell me, Bart, were you whacking off to thoughts of yourself fightin’ the good fight as you typed out that comment?—slapping your half-hard joint against your thigh to the mental strains of Country Joe and the Fish? Did you squirt all over that pic of Joe Wilson looking all Bond-like in Vanity Fair right as you wrote “little bitch�?
And not to forget his characterization of a certain feminist’s prom date:
I mean, what guy in his right mind would want to spend the wee hours of the morning having some bitter, long-suffering ideologue read Gertrude Stein to him while his rented-tux tucked erection (already dubious, given the company) is folding up tent and trying to make a run for his own asshole?
In other words: “take that, dyke!” But then for Macho Man Goldstein, since all that’s manly is good (Harvey Mansfield says so!) all that’s feminine must be bad. Goldstein’s first inclination is to impugn the masculinity of his perceived enemies; who better for him to trash than those who to him are nothing but wannabe-men? Thus his (typically unfunny) stance to the effect that outspoken women are intolerable freaks, who are bitter, shrill and seething of penis-envy. Yet even when sneering against feminists, Goldstein’s cockomania takes over, like for instance in this tedious attempt at an anti-feminist gotcha, where he was driven to distraction yet again by cock:
What bothers me most about this story—aside from all the penises in the room […]
But then there’s something about lefty women that brings Goldstein’s bitterness to boil:
But hey, keep the love coming. Anonymous pricks like you only pretend to stand for things like true gender equality—until you have the opportunity to take your shots, at which point you just can’t help showing your true colors.
I mean, who can blame you for not be willing to put your name to this stuff? Once the feminists find out what a secret misogynistic poseur you are, they’ll stop giving you handjobs after the latest Title IX march.
Then, inevitably, the humiliation fantasies:
But that wasn’t really the point of my bringing up “Majikthise’s� post. Which was this: Lindsay “majikthise� Beyerstein: hot or not?
Me, I kind of like the ironic / blase sneer and the angst pirate affectation.
Or maybe she’s just sitting on cucumber.
Either way, the fact that she’s an analytical philosopher is just so damn sexy. And even if she turns out to be a total bitch (which, how likely is that), I could just close my eyes and imagine myself getting a dirty sanchez from Wittgenstein.
Does all of this macho violent cockomania and misogyny seem a little bit “Theban Sacred Band” and a whole lot “John Derbyshire” to you? Was Gary Farber onto something when he wrote this little jest? I wonder…
Hmm:
I’m uncomfortable seeing gay men kiss. Which is odd, because I don’t think I’d have a problem should I happen to stumble upon them going at it like a couple of rutting bull elks.
Hmmm:
Who cares?—so long as I get to see gay cowboys going at it all tender and dignified and chapless.
These are nervous jokes, while this is a primer for homophobic hysteria laid much too thickly, and this — this is something else altogether, apparently about an ex-roommate:
5. Tony something or other, who lived with me on 5th Street in Ocean City, MD, in the late 1980s.Remember that time you were all coked up and were putting holes in the bedroom walls with your fists, Tony? Remember being buck naked with an erection while doing so? Remember my trying to stop you, and your wigging out and throwing punches at me? Remember me having to parry not only your wild roundhouse rights, but your angry, springy penis?
You’re lucky I didn’t kill you in your sleep, man.
And I have no idea what to make of this, but Christ is it sick.
But in other ways, too, Goldstein’s mask slips:
What, you think moronic, limp-wristed, defeatist, wanna-be intellectual ironist progressives are in short supply or something? The coffee shops are CRAWLING with them.
Busted on that “limp-wristed” remark, Goldstein dissembled:
Limpwristed means effete. Why you make the jump to guys playing Brokeback Mountain is your own hangup, “prick.�
Huh. Maybe so? Ahh, sadly, no! Here is one of Goldstein’s dread “funny” pieces in which he applies human characteristics to an armadillo. Its author “makes the jump”, too:
…turns out he’d been surprised the week before in the restroom of the Olney Dairy Queen by an employee while he was buried hip deep inside an effete Black-tailed Jackrabbit (Lepus californicus)—and down in Texas, that kind of Brokeback Mountain thing is frowned upon, especially where there’s species mixing going on.Ultimately, I guess he figured it was better to get drunk and throw himself under a pickup truck than, y’know…get snatched up by the local roughnecks and dragged behind one, chained to the bumper.
Poor little mixed up queer.
Now a note for those susceptible to Goldstein’s “authorial intent” bullshit. The playfulness and irony in this story, such that it is, lies in its anthropomorphism, and why it works to the extent that it does is precisely because it is also narrated in a “straight” (no pun) voice. Not to get ahead of myself here, but these little nuggets of talentless puerility serve the function of allowing Goldstein to have his bigotry and eat it too (note also the reference to being chained behind a truck and dragged to death in Texas — Goldstein is refering in a hahafunnyfunny way to the awful hate-murder of James Byrd).
Anyway, it is plain what he means by “limp-wristed” and “effete”; and we’ve all read of this sort of thing before, in a blessedly funnier context: “Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?”
Enough was enough, and aware of some of this I hurriedly posted to Goldstein in my first and last comment to his blog:
“limp-wristedâ€?? “effete fucktardâ€? this after you threatened (three times, so delighted you were with your own puerility) to smack kevin with your cock.your “im so much more butch than you, but can i see your penis first just to make sure?â€? schtick has just gotta stop.look, goldstein, it’s real simple. you need to pull out of john derbyshire, and the both of you kick open the closet door already.
it’s all right. it really is. the only thing that makes it ugly is the self-loathing.
And as if compelled to prove my point, he replied immediately:
What’s the matter—can’t use the shift key with you [sic] cock in your fist?Fuck off. If I was interested in your opinion I’d visit your site. And if Kevin doesn’t want his ears boxed by my dick, he shouldn’t come to my site and call me a coward.
But I was wrong about his affliction. Mere sexual self-loathing can’t account for all the pathological things he’s written. He’s nasty and unstable to his core. Witness this bit of incoherent, raging insanity:
Today’s subject: tristero, who (let’s face it) has the intellect of a gibbon, though he clearly fancies himself a brilliant debunker of lockstep winguttery. In fact, his post (as seen on Digbysblog) —Loven stole HIS idea about the strawmans, we’re told / and Atrios was exactly right that I’m an idiot who doesn’t realize my own idiocy (a pronouncement, incidentally, that can only be made by one who assumes he is far more intelligent than the object of his scorn, which position essentially deconstructs the study in the Atrios post tristero fellates, or else proves it to his detriment, I’m not sure which)—is par for the course with these bandwidth sucking cocklords. You allow them to stay and say their piece, and they interpret that as a “right� that you now owe them, and they then take that as an invitation to start helping themselves to things in the fridge, or slipping a finger up your dog’s asshole, etc.Well, sorry, but that ain’t my thang. These fucktards want to take shots at me on their own sites, they can have at it. But from now on, they can keep it there, or they can bitch about me on sites I don’t give a shit about anyway.
What they can’t do is take pot shots at me on other sites, then slather some peanut butter on their joints and show up here hoping to help themselves to a quick hummer from my dog.
The degradation of one’s enemies via bestality references is common enough among wingnuts but in Goldstein’s rant it reaches its apotheosis:
Disgusting, I thought. Who would even imagine something like that?A few minutes later, I sat down to read the Los Angeles Times article on the Army dog handler who was just found guilty of using his unmuzzled dog to terrorize prisoners, and came across this:
:”Smith also was found guilty of an indecent act for using his dog to lick peanut butter off a male soldier’s genitals and a female soldier’s breasts while another soldier videotaped the act.”
Once again, the warriors live out the armchair warriors fantasies.
And that is exactly what Goldstein’s issues stem from: a seething, sociopathic hatred, the same that fueled Abu Ghraib abuses. Thus, his grotesque humiliation fantasies in which he threatens to sexually degrade people who’ve made fun of him, who’ve reminded him that he’s a chickenhawk, a hack, a paste-eating moron.
“Civility”, Hypocrisy & The Ragin’ Contagion
Despite all the evidence above, Goldstein often puts up the civility front. He affects the stance that he - so brave, so manly, so decent - and his side are the victims of the incivility of the Left. No, really. And some people are stupid enough to buy it. Pasty says:
Atrios doesn’t have “readers” so much as he does run a clubhouse for lefty cranks who fancy themselves intellectual attack dogs.
Which goes without saying, because:
Congrats on the Atrios hit!Man, I live for approval from one of the vilest leftists on the net!
Posted by: Jeff G at December 15, 2005 04:04 PM
How cruel they are to poor persecuted Pasty! And to others, too! Why, look what The Left did to Michelle Malkin (context here and here)! Why, it’s enough for Pasty to sign an Online Integrity pledge! (A pledge created by a hypocrite who is, not coincidentally, one of hypocrite Goldstein’s most hypocritical defenders.) Which, in turn, presumably enables him to clutch his pearls and address someone who’d called him a “failed academic” thusly:
These rhetorical tactics are tawdry and, frankly, beneath contempt. Northrup should stick to kitten jokes. Because when he opens his mouth in an attempt to be serious, he is inveterately incapable of disguising the bile that pours out.
Nevermind that five paragraphs above that remark, Goldstein called the same person a “genital crab”!
Naturally, many wingnuts find Goldstein’s cuckoo nest quite homey. As Pasty is crazy and violent, so too are his fellow travellers. You’ll not find a nastier bunch of commenter-regulars this side of LGF or Anti-Idiotarian Rotweiller — an association not lost on even Goldstein’s friends (though the qualitative judgement is all mine). PW commenters are a bunch of paranoid, resentful, demented and servile fascists.
When Dennis the Peasant merely observed that Pajamas Media was being unprofessional and self-destructive in allowing Goldstein, among others, “to pick as many fights with as many bloggers, commenters, and/or readers as is humanly possible,” one of Pasty’s goons was inspired to compare Dennis to serial-rapist Peter Braunstein. But then what do you expect them to do when Goldstein himself responds to criticism of its mediocrity by telling the critic that he molested his sister? (Any criticism, from Left or Right, of Pajamas Media is enough to send Goldstein off his rocker: see here andhere — which are tame compared to Goldstein’s responses I’ll quote in part two.)
Protein Wisdom commenters recommend that liberals be interned like the Nisei. Naturally, PW wingnuts find the WWII theme irresistible: here’s one who couldn’t resist comparing Peter Jennings, when the newscaster’s death was announced, to Lord Haw Haw and Tokyo Rose.
Here Goldstein publishes a snarky email — nothing vulgar, just a sneer. His commenters then put the emailer through the wringer, looking up her personal info and calling her stuff like “cunt”. But why wouldn’t they when Goldstein himself says of someone like Cindy Sheehan that “[she should be] cuff[ed].. to a space heater…”?
Here’s what they think of Eugene McCarthy. Here’s what Goldstein says of and to other bloggers:
If you were anybody of importance, I’d rip you to shreds. But since nobody reads your shitty thoughts anyway, this will have to suffice.Jesus, are you ever a pussy.
[not to worry, though: by Macho Man Goldstein’s bullshit calculus, the Founding Fathers were pussies, too.]
So naturally his commenters will follow suit, even against fellow wingnuts:
John Cole is a whore. He’s just sucking up to all the limousine liberals who visit his site to vent their anti-Bush rage and then click through to buy overprice Kona coffee from his scummy liberal BlogAd advertisers. George Bush knows what’s best, whether the wibwuls and their RINO bend-over buddies like John “Juan� Cole know it or not. Questioning the presidet’s policy can only help the terrorists. Don’t ask questions and nobody gets hurt.
Eventually, even this sort of thing isn’t enough for Goldstein and his goons. They escalate the rhetoric. First, Goldstein:
I never served in the armed forces. But I did once beat the piss out of a “gang� of 4 anti-war protesters with nothing more than a paper mache puppet head and one of their belt made of daisies.Kind of a Crouching Tiger, Frightened Anonymous Pussy Clan Who Really Didn’t Think I’d Go Through With That First Roundhouse Kick To The Windpipe moment. I wish I had filmed it in slow motion, ala Billy Jack.
Not sure if that means I’m now permitted to write on the failures of pacifism, but what the hell. Put on a puppet head and a daisy belt and come try to stop me, anonymous punk.
And:
Give me your home address, Jesse, and I’ll come over and give you the spanking your parents should have given your bitch ass long ago, before you turned into a smug little 125-pound pre-cancerous mole on the body politic.Fuck you, you whiny pussy.
Now this is one thing, and it’s bad enough but for those of us who’ve been on the internet for years, losing one’s temper and offering to kick someone’s ass is something that might happen once or twice. Maybe. In many many years of net surfing. But we’re talking about Jeff Goldstein here, a person who is not normal, a person who gives even violently crazy people a bad name. He’s violently crazy politically (he wants the U.N. nuked and relishes talk about nuking Mecca), and violently crazy personally. Here is the armadillo again, and again he functions as Goldstein’s surrogate, allowing him to say what he otherwise couldn’t:
When the trolls arrived in force earlier this week, the little fella gathered up a few of his firearms, built a blind in the front yard, strapped on his Kevlar and night vision scope, and began lying in wait for any suspicious looking interlopers.[…]
Which is all just a roundabout way of saying that if you’re planning on popping over later unannounced, you might want to make sure you’re wearing an orange safety vest. And carrying a big placard with Dick Cheney’s face on it.
Or a Lynyrd Skynyrd poster, at the very least.
Because while the little armored bastard may be drunk, fatigued, and stinking of digested beef tube—he’s also a damn fine shot who, god bless him, can recognize the friendlies at 200 yards.
Reverie? Murderous frustration sublimated in the Goldstein-as-armadillo-as-Charles Whitman construct? Maybe the paranoid delusions just inevitably become violent:
I just usually delete the death threats in the comments and save the ones that I’ve received from real email addresses.Off topic, but here in Colorado we have the “make my day� law.
Death threats, my ass. The only threats of violence I’ve ever seen at PW came from Goldstein and his commenters. I’ve already covered Pasty’s so let’s deal with those of his thugs. When YearlyKos @ Vegas was announced, PW wingnuts considered it a perfect occasion to indulge in some exterminationist fantasies:
Jeff, I have 2 words for you:Field Trip
tw: ever, as in best idea…
Picture a couple dozen of us, with axe handles in tow, dropping by to say hello. It would be like an Alaskan seal hunt.
It’s a damn shame I won’t be there until the July.
And what do they imagine doing to liberal PW commenters? Well,
IP address, Jeff. Send me $20 in gas money and problem is solved (I have a Honda). smirk
No, really:
It will be love at first sight, actus. We will take windy walks on the beach. You can dress up in a hot-red mini and tape back the package, and wear those naughty, naughty pumps. I will seranade you with 2 Live Crew and Ludakris. I will be like: My name is ANtonio Banderas. You are a very beautiful woman. Come, you shall be with me tonight. And then I can show you where they buried Jimmah Hoffa.
Hint hint. But that’s only after he gets the gang rape/forced bukkake treatment:
Then we could all get in a great big circle, like you are used to princess, and put you on your knees and then paddle you like you were an initiate to a German Fraternity. Oh, Einz! Oh, Zwei! Oh, Drei! Oh,…Einz, again! Ja, ja, I am a bad little Fraulein! And then we can get really nasty. But that’s why you come here isn’t it?
And in this thread a few of them advise Goldstein to take guns to EschaConII — hahahahaha SO FUNNY!!
Even Charles Johnson’s troglodytes don’t type this kind of shit (not even about Muslims). Neither does Charles Johnson edit “comments and replace them with his own words.” But then Goldstein thinks his allowing comments at all is a supreme act of charity. Nor does Charles Johnson, or any other wingnut, solicit donations by insulting those of whom he begs. Ahh, but I told ya Goldstein was unique (not to mention tactless and ungrateful)!
I also don’t know of any other wingnut who has such a (stupid) contempt for anonymity/pseudonymity as Goldstein; he really does think it’s worse than plagiarism. It’s no great surprise, then, that Goldstien and his commenters outted a couple of anonymous liberal bloggers, any notion of “Online Integrity” be damned. Nor is it any great surprise to learn that it was probably one of Goldstein’s commenters who wrote about the outed bloggers’ one-year-old child that she “had cocksucking lips.” Goldstein has affected shock that anyone could assume such behavior comes from his commenters! But really, Pasty. C’mon. Even paste-eating imbeciles are not entirely unaware; Goldstein knows his own crowd. It’s obvious that the two lefties were outted and their kid pervertedly and threateningly characterized so that they’d be intimidated and quit making fun of poor beleaguered heroic Jeff Goldstein’s silly rants. After all, no one wants to be clubbed like a baby seal, much less gangbanged and then (ahem ahem) shown where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. But noooo, says Goldstein, what a slur it is to he and his commenters good name to assume that they’d be so depraved! Besides, the liberals made him do it! They didn’t sign the integrity pledge! They deserved what they got! And now Goldstein’s attitude to the two liberals’ private info being in the hands of some wingnuts is very much like Asquith’s to Roger Casement’s diary being in the hands of the thugs of their day: “Excellent. And you need not be particular about keeping it to yourself.”
Is all this violent insanity what Goldstein means to excuse by saying so clumsily, “The price we have to play [sic] is a certain coarsening of the discourse, but people will be better informed in the long run”? I know some particularly hackulent Goldstein apologists will argue that it’s all just irreverant South Park humor. Sorry, not true; unless they mean that Goldstein resembles the sociopathically vengeful Cartman in the “Scott Tenorman Must Die” episode. Really, he’s that insane. I mean it.
It all came out after Goldstein characterized Jane Hamsher as a drunk, which was yet another instance of projection. Jane, as is her wont, turned the other fist, righteously; sort of like Adlai Stevenson to Richard Nixon: “If you’ll stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.” Goldstein takes tranquilizers. Which is not a bad thing. What is unfortunate, for everyone, is that he’s either not prescribed enough of them or not given them in high enough dosage. He’s been on them for a while now and.. well look at all the batshit insanity I’ve documented. He’s so thin-skinned he’s probably as transparent as that Mr. Body dork who used to be on Captain Kangaroo. His sex and violence issues plainly call for a more strenous and regimented type of therapy (I’m thinking of a padded cells here). The 2mg klonopin just isn’t doing any good; I mean, look at what happens when someone merely speculates that the rightwing Jerusalem Post’s blog contest might be too heavily loaded with Pajamas Media hacks:
BEHOLD THE POWER OF THE COLLECTIVIST JOOOOS!Two months now, man. Aren’t you embarrassed yet? I mean, for all your criticism about the paucity of decent material in the blogosphere, do you not find it even a bit ironic that all you do is post lard-heavy biscuit recipes and embarrassingly personal attacks on Roger Simon, et al?
How angry can one man be, for Chrissakes?Me, I’m recently on Klonopin. Relaxed now, I find it easier to dismiss, on a visceral level, the garbage you’ve been posting day after day after day for the last two plus months. But from that objective zone so blissfully provided me thanks to a decent 2mg dose of benzodiazepine, I can honestly note that you are making a fucking fool of yourself.
Right. Anyway, there’s gotta be a bright side to studying all this nastiness, right? Well, in conclusion, let me quote this opinion of Goldstein, perhaps the most hilariously moronic thing the speaker ever uttered, surely worthy of the paste-eater himself:
And Dave Price emails: “If not Bill Quick, why not Jeff Goldstein [to replace Ben Domenech at the Washington Post]? The Left has already been about as abusive to him as they can be.” Yep. And it rolls right off. Plus, who could read Goldstein’s stuff and even imagine that it had been previously published?
Who said this? Was this quote taken from one of The Onion’s “Ask A Faulknerian Idiot-Man Child” columns? No, but it might as well have been; it’s from Glenn Reynolds.
Instayokel’s laff-riot does in a way help me think my post here might have been worth the effort. It may just help to prevent Jeff Goldstein from ever getting a political-writing gig in non-wingnut media; after all, does the Washington Post really want to hire a psychopath to replace a fraud? Goldstein might start emailing lurid questions to Bob Woodward about the size of Deep Throat’s cock or something. So if this post makes someone think twice about hiring Goldstein (who is so on the make), well, then considering how Pasty’s treated people, that possibility makes me smile.
(For Thers & clan.)
Res Publica said,
June 14, 2006 at 21:49
Here’s what it’s like to be a winger: Every problem is a hole, and you solve it by fucking it. It follows that the guy with the biggest johnson is the best problem-solver. If the problem does not immediately respond to fucking, well….fuck it harder. Iraq is the obvious example of this.
They are encouraged in this worldview by the occasional success. I mean, look at the American electoral system. They’ve been fucking it since the mid-70’s, and it’s finally their bitch!
Chadwick said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:00
Sweet Zombie Jesus-
And that’s just PART 1.
dr nobody said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:03
Oy. Well, that was certainly worth the wait. Well done, sir.
mdhatter said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:04
Except, some other problems, which are more like flagpoles. Those you eat.
Phoenix Woman said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:05
Wow. Thanks for the research, SN. I need never give that Jeff G. a click ever again.
SteveAudio said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:07
I just don’t know what to say. Goldstein is a tool. Less a tool, really, and more of a …cock?
Nah, he’s just a homoerotic wannabee.
With a wannbee dick.
Otto Man said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:10
Mighty fine review of Goldstein’s neuroses. It’s hard to imagine that one man could somehow possess all the sputtering rage, sense of entitlement, deep-seated homophobia and full-on penis envy of an all-boys prep school, but there it is.
I like the Onion reference, but he’s always reminded me of the Kids in the Hall sketch where everyone knows Scott Thompson is gay except him. “Where’s yor dad, kids?” “He’s upstairs watching gay porn. Again.“
marky said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:12
That made my dick……. hey, wait a minute, that didn’t do anything to my dick.
I’m not thinking about slapping any guy across the face with my dick.
What’s wrong with me?
Must.. copy.. Jeff’s…extremely.. manly.. stance
The Devil's Advocate said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:14
Okay, I had to stop reading that post about half way through. I just glanced at the rest, looking away periodically to prevent my corneas from suffering permanent damage. And then I realized this is only Part 1.
6000 years and scarcely have I come across anyone so obsessed with expressing fantasies about the male genitalia as Jeff Goldstein. I’m not kidding: most people through history didn’t have this much time, or sufficiently wide access to those outside their own communities.
Hell, courier services wouldn’t deliver messages but for a high price until the introduction of a penny post in the 18th Century. Mass mailings? Nyu uh – and particularly not for this kind of drivel. Goldstein is a kind of modern penis pioneer, boldly pushing the barriers of banality until he has reached the very limit of limitation itself.
Once he passes through that, Jeff will be…immortal.
mikey said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:22
Wow. That’s amazing. It’s kind of “inside baseball” to me, I don’t really read much of Right Blogistan, but it consistently fascinates me how crazy they are over there. I wondered here the other day what kind of depraved, heartless political hack would be required to continue to approve of and defend the bush/chemey cabal, and this is my answer. These are some sad, ugly, sick folks.
On the other hand, my dad (a bit of a bastard himself, but a great barehands brawler) once told me “you don’t ever have to worry about the guy who tells you how tough he is, how he’s going to kick your ass. That guy’s got no fight in him. You have to worry about the guy that doesn’t say a word, just watches. Him you gotta drop first”. Advice, I must admit, served me well a few decades ago, before I got sane myself.
mikey
eRobin said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:24
Wow. I don’t read Goldstein or any other wingnut so I’m always grateful when someone does it for me but his goes way beyond reading Goldstein so I don’t have to. I had no idea he was this far gone. What did you have to do to scrub your brain after spending so much time with his hateful insanity?
There’s a scene in Erin Brockovich when Marg Helgenberger’s character’s kids are swimming in a pool filled with the contaminated water. I spent the last minute or so of it telling the character to get the kids out of the pool. I felt like doing that for you halfway through the post. Get out of the pool!! It’s dangerous.
MCH said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:32
OMG. I’m floored. Nothin’ but applause for the Retardo.
Goldstein is a kind of modern penis pioneer, boldly pushing the barriers of banality until he has reached the very limit of limitation itself.
At the risk of being obscure: Shouldn’t that word really be something like “balanality”?
Mordecai said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:37
If anything was deserving of a google bomb, I believe this was. Every mention of Jeff Goldstein should be brought to this post till the end of time. What a psycho.
Aaron Adams said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:37
After this, all that remains of Goldstein is just a smoking crater.
One of the most devastating takedowns in Blogtopia (see Skippy) history.
kc said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:38
God damn, Retardo, this is some fine work. I salute you.
Mal-3 said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:49
Wow. I mean… wow. That boy doesn’t have issues, he has subscriptions.
Mysticdog said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:52
So what we have here is a guy who sees himself as an armadillo who makes the world a better place by whacking people he doesn’t like with his enormous penis. Have I missed anything?
jerry said,
June 14, 2006 at 22:54
Oh big whoop, the Pasty card, I have a bazillion of those and I can tell you they ain’t worth nothing. Practically every pack contains one of those. I am still waiting for my very rare Glenn Reynods takes “instruction” from Karl Rove card.
Constantine said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:00
And to think that the wingnutsphere jumped to Goldstein’s defense when he was mocked for having clinical psychoses and severe psychiatric problems. The guy makes them manifest every day.
Paste, anyone? at The Republic of Dogs said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:02
[…] Retardo Montalban (who has the best screenname ever, EVER) smacks it right on out of the ballpark over at Sadly, No! with an amazing book-length post documenting in near-molecular detail the emutacular audiocobagitronic wingbot that is Jeff Goldstein: To the casual observer, Goldstein might seem to be a garden-variety internet wingnut, a suburban douchebag whose sad and petty hatreds, frustrations over stagnated ambitions and innate cowardice lead him to adopt a sort of Walter-Mitty-As-Rambo-As-Whackjob-Blogger schtick, whereby all his fantasies of action and genocidal crusade and manly-man aggression are sated through internet jackassery. Of course if Goldstein really wanted some adventure, he could go to the recruiting office, but — hahahahaha — everyone knows that ain’t gonna happen. And yeah, all of this is common enough on the WingNet, although Goldstein has a curiously ambitious drive to be the biggest jerk of them all, and he very nearly succeeds. Added to this drive and his deep, abiding fear that he might be a weenie is his status as “Literature Wingnutâ€? and the unique salad of sex and violence issues which reside in his otherwise empty brainpan; Goldstein’s a hell of a case study. […]
phleabo said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:04
I’d just like to echo the “wow” from other readers. I mean, fucking, wow.
What the fuck happened to him to create that much impotent rage? Damn. And you know, however big he talks, if you cut the line in front of him at the supermarket, he’d just silently fume till he got out to his car to safely threaten you with death.
Jeez.
GoatBoy said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:04
God bless you and the fine work you’re doing.
jeff goldstein said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:11
I could have sent you a much more flattering picture, if only you’d asked.
Really. How I love to share!
Gary Ruppert said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:18
I don’t use the word “hero” very often.
But the fact is that Jeff Goldstein is the greatest hero in American history.
It’ll be no time before Jeff sends his flying monkeys (commenters) over to this blog to set you moonbats straight.
GWPDA said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:18
Excellently well said.
Thers & NYM said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:22
Sláinte.
PZ Myers said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:23
I know it’s reinforcing his stereotype of lefties as weak-kneed pansies, but I’m feeling faint. That was brutal.
I’m also experiencing this curious sensation of actually feeling sorry for the poor guy.
Pinko Punko said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:24
RETARDO, he’s dead…he’s dead..step away from the body, and relish your triumph!
Nice ANALogies, Res and md.
CK Dexter Haven said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:25
Wow. I wanted to chime in with a scathing insult to the prick (hey-hey, I said prick) but… I can’t think of any you missed.
Matt T. said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:31
Concerning sex with Majikthise:
I could just close my eyes and imagine myself getting a dirty sanchez from Wittgenstein.
Do what? I’m serious, do fucking what? That sentence is just wrong on so many counts. Man, that single sentence just puts everything this ying-yang has said into a whole new perspective. And y’all say this guy has spawned?
Yasonyacky said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:33
How did I know that Goldstein himself would show? Well, I knew because Every single post I have ever read about Goldstein or anything he has posted has featured an almost immediate comment by Jeff himself. It’s usually some self-effacing “ha-ha” good-sport type of shit, as it is here.
But Gary Ruppert takes the fucking cake, man. Gary, please explain how you stretched and pulled and twisted any reasonable definition of “hero” to include Jeff Goldstein? What about Goldstein is “heroic”? His dedication to typing words on his blog, despite the volleys of deadly lefty comments? Please explain this.
Also, somebody please call the SPCA. I’m worried about Jeff’s dog…
Bas-O-Matic said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:36
I know it’s reinforcing his stereotype of lefties as weak-kneed pansies, but I’m feeling faint. That was brutal.
I’m also experiencing this curious sensation of actually feeling sorry for the poor guy.
Yeah, “haha I can take a joke” response when totally cornered on his BDSM response impulses is fairly pathetic. He really wants to make a a dog fucking comment
Oh and Jeff? Italics are so not funny.
(See what I did there?)
Gary Ruppert said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:38
Yasonyacky, it wasa joke. It’s a famous line by attorney Lionel Hutz.
Not joking, I would anticipate an invasion of this site by fascist creeps making vague threats and trying to dig up personal information on the Web. However, I’m confident of the ability of the Sadly, No! hosts and commenters to kick the asses of those clowns with comedy.
stickler said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:41
But the fact is that Jeff Goldstein is the greatest hero in American history.
Hmm. “Hero.”
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
another jeff said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:43
How did I know that Goldstein himself would show? Well, I knew because Every single post I have ever read about Goldstein or anything he has posted has featured an almost immediate comment by Jeff himself. It’s usually some self-effacing “ha-ha� good-sport type of shit, as it is here.
That totally was Jeff Goldstein hisself commenting. What a card. But in his tiny brain he’s plotting his HIDEOUS REVENGE against Sadly, No! for definitively exposing him for the sad little poseur he is.
bbbustard said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:46
I can only echo the ‘fucking wow’ from an earlier commenter. Although it is true that he would do nothing until he was back in his car and had secured his groceries with seatbelts - what he then might do from the safety of his pale green Dodge van is a pretty scary thing to contemplate.
Mal de mer said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:47
That’s astonishing, really. I had no idea.
Hey, Insty…INSTY!….Can we get a “Heh, Indeed” here? What’s that?…“Croak?” What’s “croak?” I don’t want “croak.” I want a lusty, full-throated, exuberantly infectious “Heh, in-fucking-deed!” Don’t worry. I’ll wait…
roy edroso said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:54
Retardo, if you want to keep up this “Wingnut All-Star” series you’re going to need help. Call me. It’ll be like “The Professor and the Madman,” only with AGP graphics.
ahem said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:57
Pasty = pwn3d
Fred said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:59
I always wondered why he bristled at the suggestion–after his, “I have to find a new house,” mental breakdown–of joining the Army and living in a tent for months on end, talking baths in a canteen cup, and enjoying the smell of burning shit and diesel fuel first thing every morning. Then again we in the military are always told, “don’t ask, don’t tell.”
Clif said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:59
Aargh. . . I clicked through to the ‘cooking with you know what’ page and I swear that as long as I live I shall never eat waffles again.
Nice job, RM. Goldstein deserves it (and more) for what he did to Thersites.
bdub78 said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:00
I wonder if Jeff will respond to this. What are the odds that he challenges Retardo to a fight?
What a beatdown.
dmgroves said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:02
Another wow. That was some really, really impressive soul-crushing. Keep up the great work.
bdub78 said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:02
Wow. I missed his response in my first read-through. Of course someone as self-absorbed as Pasty would be all over this. Hilarious.
ahem said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:03
Oh, and can we ensure that this is Google’s top link for Jeff Goldstein? Please?
fourlegsgood said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:03
Well done sir!
I knew Pasty was a nutter, but I’d never seen all his insanity in one place. Bizarre and, well, a little frightening.
David Ehrenstein said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:10
I’ve got what Jeff wants RIGHT HERE!
Bas-O-Matic said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:13
Weird Al, I believe, has written the theme song of the blogosphere
blogenfreude said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:24
This is an amazing compilation … thank you thank you thank you.
Bas-O-Matic said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:29
Shorter Josh Trevino: The quaint fiction of online anonymity is for scoundrals, except for when (as in my case) it isn’t. Respecting such anonymity is important as long as they are the right kind of people. Otherwise, fuck ‘em.
Bas-O-Matic said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:30
Shorter Josh Trevino: The quaint fiction of online anonymity is for scoundrals, except for when (as in my case) it isn’t. Respecting such anonymity is important as long as they are the right kind of people. Otherwise, screw ‘em.
Yasonyacky said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:39
Yasonyacky, it wasa joke. It’s a famous line by attorney Lionel Hutz.
Not joking, I would anticipate an invasion of this site by fascist creeps making vague threats and trying to dig up personal information on the Web. However, I’m confident of the ability of the Sadly, No! hosts and commenters to kick the asses of those clowns with comedy.
Um, Gary Ruppert, is that… you?
Or is this a different (somehow better) Gary Ruppert? I’m so confused.
jeff goldstein said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:41
I admit, that was my favorite bit.
I pictured you pouring part of a 40 of MGD on your keyboard as your wrote that.
It was so…street, you know? Almost brought a tear to my eye, homey.
Gentlewoman said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:43
DAMN, but that’s fine, Retardo! And where Pasty posts ‘witty’ comment, can Pablo be far behind? Because they both seem to spend all day Googling Pasty’s name. Let the flyingmonkeyswarm begin!
Yasonyacky said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:45
I admit, that was my favorite bit.
I pictured you pouring part of a 40 of MGD on your keyboard as your wrote that.
It was so…street, you know? Almost brought a tear to my eye, homey.
God, Jeffie, as well-read as you pretend to be, you’d think a simple dedication like “for xxxxx” wouldn’t solely evoke a hip-hop record. Look at the very front of most books, Jeffie-poo, and you’ll see a page with the words “For xxxxxxxx” or sometimes “For xxxxxxxx, my xxxxxx and xxxxxx xxxxxx” or some shit like that.
Homie.
K. Ron Silkwood said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:46
I blame his mother.
Kathleen said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:49
and Retardo FTW!
Rotwang said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:49
Cock-Holster Hearts Cock-Vulture:
Hinderaker just named Protein Wisdom PowerLine’s “Blog of the Week.”
http://powerlineblog.com/archives/014397.php
Gavin M. said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:57
jeff goldstein said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:41 · Edit
(For Thers & clan.)
I admit, that was my favorite bit.
I pictured you pouring part of a 40 of MGD on your keyboard as your wrote that.
It was so…street, you know? Almost brought a tear to my eye, homey.
Steel Reserve, nigga.
Ripley said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:05
Nicely done, sir… I had no idea that Goldstein was such a one man freak show. Sweet Jeebus, he’s like an angry Cliff Claven on acid, writing Tarantino/Wes Craven fan-fiction for ‘Boys R Us’ magazine..
As far as I know, he never did respond to Goldstein: Just another prick in the hall but a capo from his drooling hordes left a comment that didn’t actually address any issues in the post. Odd, that…
Kathleen said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:11
a 40 of MGD?! seems like someone needs to watch his John Singleton collection again. and pay attention instead of imagining himself as the hardcore gangster.
B Moe said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:13
Congratulations on living up to your name, Retardo. I stand in awe of such an epic waste of time and bandwidth, a true testament to worthlessness.
melior (in Austin) said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:14
Aw, I was kinda hoping Jeff would at least threaten to come over to your house and beat you up. Maybe someday when he’s rich and famous he’ll be able to claim to have FOX security on the way over to do it for him.
But seriously, you should take Pasty up on his offer to send you some of his (wink wink, nudge nudge) “flattering” pictures he has of himself. It always helps to have a variety of camera angles and lighting conditions for proper photoshoppery. And I’m sure you can edit out his enormous Johnson.
Jennifer said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:15
Man, I knew from reading passages here and there that the dude had some serious intellectual deficiencies, and I knew he was crazier than a shithouse rat from the whole Thers & NYMary episode, but I never knew what he looked like.
Ross from Friends.
Make that an angry Ross from Friends. No, on second thought, make that a really gay, angry Ross from Friends. And one that won’t ever be banging Jennifer Aniston in anyone’s make-believe, even his own, because he’s too busy obsessing on - what else? - COCK.
GWPDA said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:19
#
CK Dexter Haven said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:25
Wow. I wanted to chime in with a scathing insult to the prick (hey-hey, I said prick) but… I can’t think of any you missed.
I think I liked JEFF GOLDSTEIN IS A FAILED ACADEMIC best - because it seems so desperately important to him that he not be.
Still - facts are facts, eh Jeff? People who manage to turn their coursework into a terminal degree - however politely your little college may have put it to you - have to face the truth at some stage. When the community decides you’re not good enough, it’s pretty final. Not quite the same thing as just not finishing that pesky language requirement….
another jeff said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:21
Congratulations on living up to your name, Retardo. I stand in awe of such an epic waste of time and bandwidth, a true testament to worthlessness.
In come the freaks.
B Moe, you will be relieved to know that Sadly, No!’s crack team of accountants has computed the cost ofbandwidth down to the billionth part of a penny. Your post cost only the billionth part of .00000000000001 of a penny.
ahem said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:25
Three words: Dish. Served. Cold.
bob said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:37
Ceviche?
TallDave said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:42
Heh, the author sure enjoys the chickenhawk argument. Dead giveaway he’s unserious — and I bet he can explain why the military is overwhelmingly Republican. And I’m sure he woud never call the police, since asking them to perform a dangerous task he hasn’t chosen to perform himself would make him a chickencop. Ditto firefighters, construction workers, doctors, etc: he’s a man of principle, asking no one do anything he himself would not do, I’m sure of it. Kudos to your self-reliance, sir! Hillary says it takes a village, but you and Ted Kaczinski are the proof this is not so.
I do have to admit some minor pride in the fact that I also play a minor role in this post. While today I’m merely a footnote to someone’s obessive hatred of Jeff, I hope to someday be as widely and deeply reviled as he is. Thank you for helping me take the first small step along that path.
DocAmazing said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:46
Don’t worry, TallDave. I’m sure that someone, somewhere thinks you’re special. You just need to find that person.
TallDave said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:49
Doc,
I think I just did.
Conan said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:49
Q: What is happiness?
Retardo: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women.
TallDave: lament, lament.
TallDave said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:51
I’m pretty sure I was ceebrating, rather than lamenting.
TallDave said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:52
Oh, and crushing. Mustn’t leave out my crushing.
Mr.Murder said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:53
Reading those Goldstein comments it looks like one could assume he used a pen name to put slurs on another blog’s site when the controversy of the blogger’s outing occurred.
Same kind of sexual flavored attack, personalized.
Jeff Goldstein, serial profile of a sociopath.
oudemia said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:53
Bra-vo.
(And CK Dexter Haven, you have an awesome screen name.)
do said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:53
I took the liberty of translating TallDave’s post into Russian. It makes just as much sense:
Heh, автор уверенный наÑ?лаждаетÑ?Ñ? аргументом chickenhawk. Мертвое giveaway он unserious - и Ñ? держу пари он может объÑ?Ñ?нить почему воиÑ?као будет overwhelmingly реÑ?публиканцем. И Ñ? уверен он woud звонок никогда полиции, Ñ? Ñ?прашивать, что они выполнили опаÑ?ную задачу, котор он не выбирал выполнить Ñ?делало им chickencop. Ditto firefighters, работники конÑ?трукции, доктора, etc: он будет человеком принципа, не Ñ?прашиваÑ? no one делает что-нибыдь, котор он Ñ?ебÑ? не Ñ?делал бы, Ñ? уверен его. Kudos к вашей Ñ?амонадеÑ?нноÑ?ти, гоÑ?подин! Hillary говорит оно принимает Ñ?ело, но вы и Ted Kaczinski будете доказательÑ?твом, котор Ñ?то не так. Я должен впуÑ?тить некоторую небольшую гордоÑ?Ñ‚ÑŒ в факте что Ñ? также играю небольшую роль в Ñ?том Ñ?толбе. Пока Ñ?егоднÑ? Ñ? буду проÑ?то Ñ?ноÑ?кой к кто-то obessive ненавиÑ?Ñ‚ÑŒ Jeff, Ñ? надеюÑ?ÑŒ someday быть как широко и глубоки reviled по мере того как он. Ð’Ñ‹ длÑ? помогать мне предпринÑ?Ñ‚ÑŒ первый малый вдоль того курÑ?а.
mikey said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:55
Heh, the author sure enjoys the chickenhawk argument. Dead giveaway he’s unserious
Dood, you read Retarado’s post and are prepared to take the position he’s “unserious”?? Are you serious? Go back and read it again, I’ll wait. Ok, back now? Good. I can think of about a billion things you could say if you disagreed with Retardo (although it’s got to be god’s own unpleasant task, defending that sick little bastard), but the one you came up with is UNSERIOUS?? Umm, Sadly, No. That post was, as we like to say out west, as serious as a heart attack. Go back five spaces, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00 and try again, asshat….
mikey
TallDave said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:57
do,
That’s certainly a sound refutation of my arguments. Why would anything make less sense in another language?
Actually, on second thought, that’s rather apt: if one were ignorant of Prussian, it would not make sense. Similar ignorance regarding English, or perhaps logic, would lead to a similar result in the original version. I believe I have discovered the problem…
dean esmay watch said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:57
TallDave, yopu didn’t have anything to do with this piece of idiocy, did you?
http://www.deanesmay.com/posts/1136873102.shtml
I mean, that shit is practically as stupid as Jeff Goldstein and his dick-swinging fantasies.
TallDave said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:58
Dood, you read Retarado’s post and are prepared to take the position he’s “unserious�??
Yes, he makes very weak and silly arguments, well-befitting his name. However irreverent his tone, he clearly believes those arguments, and in that sense is attempting to be serious by advocating them. The result is amusing, but not intentionally so.
TallDave said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:00
dew,
Sorry, I can’t take credit for that. But I did find it moderately amusing.
Conan said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:04
“Arguments”? You think you have an argument? Here’s a counter argument, TallDave: the firefighter / cop / construction worker / doctor analogy doesn’t hold, since Iraq was an elective war and not an accident. The proper analogy would be chickenhawks cheerleading the arsonist, and then calling on the firefighters, who, when they ask for help, are told by the chickenhawks, “hey, you’re the experts, put out the fire!”
dean esmay watch said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:04
TallDave, you’re even more boring than (the real) Gary Ruppert. Congratulations, you’ve killed this thread. I’m going to go watch public television now. Thanks a whole fucking lot, man.
DocAmazing said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:05
TallDave–
Reading your work, it’s hard to believe you have the intellectual capability to judge the seriousness of an argument. However, on the off-chance that you’re smarter than you sound, you might consider,say, refuting some of what Retardo had to say, rather than merely commenting on his having the handle “Retardo”.
That isn’t exactly the work of a serious person. It resembles preschool disagreements a bit more.
Conan said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:06
TallDave: Yes, he makes very weak and silly arguments, well-befitting his name.
Conan: stop lamenting, and give us some examples of the weak and silly arguments you claim to be able to find.
Gentlewoman said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:06
Uh, TallDave? do’s translation was Russian, not Prussian. You obviously barely read English, but still. Dewd, I believe you are a moron. Please be sure to reply, and prove me right, won’t you? Ta ever so!
DG said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:07
Now TallDave, maybe Retardo just really like scouring the internet for instances of cock. I’m told among a certain segment, this is a fairly popular endeavor. Also, you really have to give it to him for the way he has so neatly captured the ways in which Jeff has obviously wounded him, sort of like Rainman’s big book of personal injuries. 4/15/05 – Threatened me with cock; 4/16 – ignored my blog; and the like.
Maybe he just needs a hug and a shoulder to cry on?
TallDave said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:07
Here’s a counter argument, TallDave: the firefighter / cop / construction worker / doctor analogy doesn’t hold, since Iraq was an elective war and not an accident.
Calling police is optional. So is surgery, living in a building, etc. So is war (after all, worst case you can always surrender). Hey, guess what — this is a democracy. We elect a government that decides whether to have police, go to war, etc. Advocating a policy doesn’t require one take a direct hand in its implementation.
The rest was sort of silly. Well, at least you’re trying.
geoduck2 said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:10
Excellent research.
Three words: Dish. Served. Cold.
Why yes!
———
ps. do not feed the trolls.
DocAmazing said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:10
TallDave–
Surgery is “optional”? Your boob job aside, most of the surgeries I prep kids for in our hospital are life-and-death matters.
You’ve established that you know nothing about medicine. You’ve established thatyou know nothing about foreign languages. You’re well on the way to delineating the many areas in which you lack any knowledge or insight. Please continue; it’s hilarious.
Conan said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:11
Advocating a policy doesn’t require one take a direct hand in its implementation.
A “policy”? Is that what Iraq is for you, a “policy”? And who is this “one”? What you mean is: “I can cheerlead an elective war that kills thousands of my fellow citizens, and wounds tens of thousands more, because I know someone else will do the dirty work for me.”
TallDave said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:12
Now TallDave, maybe Retardo just really like scouring the internet for instances of cock.
Hey, I’m not one to judge.
Maybe he just needs a hug and a shoulder to cry on?
Don’t we all. Of course, if neither is available, there’s always blogging I suppose. Actually, I would prefer people do more of the latter because of the entertainment benefit to myself.
Kathleen said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:12
ah “unserious” - dead giveaway that you have nothing to actually contribute.
Gentlewoman said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:12
Hee hee, geoduck2, this is Sadly, No! We ADORE trolls, the stupider they are, the better we like them! TallDave is shaping up beautifully. He’s no Gary Ruppert, but he’s still amusing ;)
mikey said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:16
Yes, he makes very weak and silly arguments, well-befitting his name.
Hmmm, I suppose. But mostly what I saw when I read that post was JG’s own words. And they were silly. And offensive. And, well, creepy…
mikey
Brad R. said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:18
Wow. I come home, flip on the Sox, and find out that ‘Tahdo has finally dropped the Goldstein bomb. It’s created quite an impact (and was well worth the wait).
DG said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:18
I didn’t realize we were supposed to contribute. Thanks for the heads up Kathleen.
Cock
COCK
COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK
COCK
Cock
Don’t ever say I don’t earn my own way.
Tall Dave — I’m not one to judge on that either, merely a keen observer of the human condition.
TallDave said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:19
A “policy�? Is that what Iraq is for you, a “policy�?
Um, yes, that’s what we call it when government offcials take positions on doing things.
i>“I can cheerlead an elective war that kills thousands of my fellow citizens, and wounds tens of thousands more, because I know someone else will do the dirty work for me
You can (electively) call the police and live in buildings even though you know people die enforcing laws and contructing buildings? You callous monster!
walter benjamin said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:21
What’s really a tribute to the excellence of this post is that the Protein Wisdom readers are on their best behavior. Instead of swarming over here to act like a bunch of redneck assholes, they don’t want to come within 200 feet of a massive, reeking pile of Jeff Goldstein’s craziest Internet statements, meticulously documented by Retardo with a hatred and care not seen since John Dean torpedoed Richard Nixon. Of course they’re probably also a little chastened by all the bad press their recent thuggery at Thersites’ site got.
So instead of serious wingnuts, what we get is a loser like TallDave, a stringer at a C-grade wingnut site, doing some kind of Pat-Boone-in-a-sweater number (chuckling mildly at the crazy liberals/kids dancing to the rock & roll music). Get off the stage, clown, you’re stinking up the joint!
Kathleen said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:21
Tall Dave - you are a moron. Your analogy is sub-par, even for you. The option is not to call the police, but to be a police officer. Soldiers can’t leave. It is called AWOL. Seriously, dude, if you are going to live up to the high standard for trolls we set around here, you are going to have to try a lot harder.
Conan said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:23
when government offcials take positions on doing things
Fascinating euphemisms. Go ahead, TallDave, say it: “war.”
Your cop / construction worker analogy doesn’t hold. But if you keep repeating it often enough, maybe you’ll believe it.
Gentlewoman said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:24
Oooooooooh! Looky! TallDave brought his special friend! Hi, DG-keen-observer-of-the-human-condition! Are you one of Pasty’s flying monkeys, too? I was really sorta hoping for Pablo; he’s almost as psycho as Pasty, but you’ll do for now. I expect he’ll be along in a little while, though. OK, now you’re here…amuse us.
geoduck2 said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:27
Gentlewoman,
Hey! How’s the beautiful cat?
It’s just such a beautiful post…
What Walter Benjamin said. (Hmmm)
DocAmazing said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:27
What a thread! This place is starting to look like Firedoglake, but with ashtrays.
TallDave said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:28
Tall Dave - you are a moron. Your analogy is sub-par, even for you. The option is not to call the police, but to be a police officer.
Apparently you didn’t understand my very simple argument, which makes your moron comment amusingly ironic. Seeing, joining the police is like joining the army. Calling the police (or, more generally, advocating they fight crime) is like advocating war. If you say it’s wrong to advocate the armed forces fight a war (a dangerous job) while not joining the army, it must also be wrong to advocate police fight crime (also a dangerous job) while not joining the police.
Soldiers can’t leave. It is called AWOL.
LOL It’s called “volunteer army.” Police aren’t supposed to quit in the middle of a shift because someone is shooting at them either.
B Moe said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:28
Anyone of you genius’ care to explain this:
http://www.local6.com/news/9283805/detail.html
Hmmmmmmmm?
Arlington Acid said,
June 15, 2006 at 2:29
Yes, he’s vile and yes, he’s a sociopath but most of all, he’s a genuinely sad man. He’s quite bright (IQ hovering around 128, I’d say) but that not a big enough number for this type, he want’s “his boys” to think that he’s carrying 148! It’s like that in so many little fragmented internal areas, like a guy who has a perfectly normal dick, but he’s convinced it’s laughably small, so he overcompensates and pretends to himself that he’s got a boa constrictor in his shorts (it’s awful what this dick size-phobia does to the wiring of some poor saps, no?). You can tell just by reading the pace and structure of his language that he practices “come-back” lines, literally saying them out loud to practice his delivery to (he’s reading this right now and saying “No I don’t!!” out loud…then, realizing what he’s done, mouths it silently to himself, again and again).
Most of you probably don’t realize how difficult every day is for a manically repressed homosexual. I’ve seen a couple of good friends go through years of self hatred before finally dealing with the hazard. It’s way ugly. There’s only so much you can beat yourself up until it exhausts you, so you lash out at everyone else. It’s not uncommon to to see the “distraction game” going on repeatedly, you know, how he picks someone out of a crowd and screams “Faggot!!” at the guy, a total stranger, anything to get the spotlight off himself. Then he has to make another comment pointed in another direction, lest anyone catch on to what he’s doing, and then another, frantically juggling all of this in deep desperation. As irritating as it is to us, it must be agony for him.
It’s easy to discount his physical threats as bogus (as so many wingnut threats are) but I get the feeling he’d actually like someone to take him up on his invitations. Mind you, I think he’s the very personification of a paper tiger (in a way that is too icky and hyper-pathetic to dwell on) but….I’m thinking he wants to be *punished* for his self imagined flaws (thus, the strutting “Go on! Hit me…please?”). And don’t be surprised if he actually flips out and puts a bullet in someone one of these days. You know those sadistic-seeming fantasies of his? They are so clearly contrived that they are likely really masochistic in origin, with him describing in slow, erotic detail, all that he want done to him. He’s internally damaged enough that he could end up seeing some senseless crime as his “gateway” to his atonement, a prison world where he is recognized as the bitch that he sees himself as, a place where he’s continually punished for the crime of his “weakness”, a holy-space of truth and representing a very alien sort of “peace”. This is his secret paradise and he would likely fill spiral notebook after spiral notebook with lunatic curses for any “liberal” judge that would put him in a mental hospital instead.
L