29
You hate me! You really, really hate me!
Mr. Smith celebrates gets ready for Memorial Day by reaching for a bottle of Colt 45:
Liberal fashion fascists have been trying to have their way with us all our lives. During school days, they arrogated to themselves the power to declare themselves “in” and all the rest of us to be “out” kids.
This kid’s got issues — good news, everyone!
The day the New York Times handed down a diktat via its “style” book that the word “normal” was officially “out” of the American language, it was obvious that the abnormal “in” crowd was up to something. And that was before Clinton established his “don’t ask, don’t tell” legacy. Stroke of the pen - law of the land. Cool.
This isn’t going to get any better. Bonus points to Mr. Smith for working in a mention of The Clenis®.
It’s impossible not to notice the full court press that the DEMs have put behind making “google” a verb in popular parlance. They own the stock, profit from the company and hope to misguide the whole world into using a search engine that only finds what DEMs wish them to see.
Don’t worry, Mr. Smith, Google can still find you!
Google me once, shame on you. But don’t imagine that in this real information age, the world “out” here is full of A**[h]OL[es].
Code that, da Vinci.
That Colt 45 is some good shit. So wank the rant of man.
flea said,
May 29, 2006 at 20:53
Okay, I give up. What? Seriously, my six-year-old autistic son makes more sense than that, even when he really gets rolling.
some guy said,
May 29, 2006 at 20:56
Just, you know, wow…I mean, like wow…dude needs to get back on his meds pronto
flea said,
May 29, 2006 at 21:00
Oh my god. I just realized that if this is the wingnut bar, my son could make us a killing as a Conservative writer. He’d
reap fat advances from Regnery Press! Holy frijoles, we’ve hit the jackpot!!
Dan Someone said,
May 29, 2006 at 21:09
Wait, is he saying he is “out”? Isn’t that a daring admission for a contributor to The Rant?
And flea, I read One Good Thing, and I can tell you that your son — despite his situation as you describe it — is far too articulate and sensible to be a real wingnut. I’m sorry, but this will not be your Pathway Out Of Penury.
LA Confidential Pantload said,
May 29, 2006 at 21:15
This Mr. Smith and his concern for style - is he supposed to be the wingnuts’ answer to Mr. Blackwell?
flea said,
May 29, 2006 at 21:48
Thanks, Dan. You could be right. Now I’m thinking maybe Fox News. He could certainly read “LIBERALS CAUSE CANCER!” off a
teleprompter.
Nikki said,
May 29, 2006 at 21:51
Flea,
I thought you would wish better for your son. With this column as the standard, personally, I see Presidential Adviser in his future.
Ginger Yellow said,
May 29, 2006 at 21:54
With all this talk of DEMs, who really aren’t Dems, honest, are we sure Mr Smith isn’t really Mr Ponnuru?
I’m also rather taken by his idea that the editor of the NYT style guide gets to decide what goes in the “official” American language. So clearly swear words are a figment of our imagination, or possibly an import from Canada.
Drew Johnston said,
May 29, 2006 at 22:07
That actually made less sense IN context. Y’see, DEMs aren’t Democrats, but are either “Dead European Marxists” or “Dead European Monarchs.” Or maybe they are Democrats, who the hell knows.
As far as I can tell, the post (as it is) is just an excuse to link to talk about Dogpile and link to their anti-Google page, which is a list of metacrawlers. Meaning that the conservatives are but a mere seven or eight years behind us in terms of technology.
Mudge said,
May 29, 2006 at 22:23
Google has an IPO and now the DEMS own all the stock. And here I thought the REPUGS were the ones who liked to make money.
I declare Sadly No to be in.
Ginger Yellow said,
May 29, 2006 at 22:33
The thing is, one minute the DEMs are these Dead European Marxists or Dead European Monarchs, and the next you have no idea what they are. He moves on to “DEM propagandists”, which I take to be the MSM, but it’s not clear why the MSM should be propagandists for Dead Europan Monarchs or even Marxists, or why they should be surprised at the reaction to the Da Vinci Code. Then he switches back to “DEMs” and he’s lost me completely. Who the fuck is trying to make Google into a monopoly besides Google? Where are all these Dead European Internet Millionaires buried and why do they care what we search for?
They’re dead, Mr Smith. They don’t even know it’s the 21st Century you fucking lunatic.
JK47 said,
May 29, 2006 at 22:48
Well, he does make some good points. Conservatives do dress like shit.
Andrew said,
May 29, 2006 at 22:48
Just a little note: the article ends with “Code that, da Vinci,” but your last comment is in the excerpt box as well.
Sadly No said,
May 29, 2006 at 23:00
Thanks, Andrew. Fixed.
thehim said,
May 29, 2006 at 23:03
More fun with one of your favorite chickenhawks.
MrWonderful said,
May 29, 2006 at 23:15
This, in its own quiet way, is the craziest thing I’ve read from the wingnut thimkers. I love the indignation about the Times. I love the paranoia about Google. I love–oh, heck, call me a big softie, but I just love all of it.
Isn’t there some way we can harness the mad energy that goes into writing this kind of thing, and use it for the common good? MUST we stand by as it dissipates into the atmosphere? Oh foo.
birdseatbugs said,
May 29, 2006 at 23:16
I have kind of a dumb question, but it stems from the fact that until recently I’d never seen/heard the term “the Clenis”. So, question: is “Clenis” pronounced like “penis” but with a cl-sound instead? Or am I reading entirely too much into perfectly innocent shorthand for “The Clintons”/”The Clinton Whitehouse”?
Also, Mr Smith needs to take a few deep breaths, a couple of Valium, and a nice long nap.
The Devil's Advocate said,
May 29, 2006 at 23:19
What is this rambling nonsense? I doubt Smitty has any point here except to make everyone else pay – and that, through literary torture – for the angst he suffered in high school.
Mary Jones said,
May 29, 2006 at 23:23
I’m really convinced that Smith is just performance art. There’s no way he’s real.
cowalker said,
May 29, 2006 at 23:32
Gosh. Way back in the sixties, it was the kids with rich conservative parents who decided what was “in.” When I wore an Eastern inspired tunic and long straight hair, they didn’t applaud my look. I understand there is no longer one “in” look for young people.
Among others, there’s the “indie” look
http://jinners.com/steal/bonniewitnesssteal.htm
the “emo” look
http://www.sykospark.net/emo/appearance.html
I don’t know where black lipstick, green hair, pants hanging below boxer shorts or multiple piercings fit in, but I still see a lot of it among the young people in the midwest. Trust me, we middle-aged Dems didn’t mandate any of these looks.
So relax, Mr. Smith. The Democrats aren’t trying to set fashion trends. Continue to wear your sweat shirt with the sleeves cut off and jeans with hems trodden on in the back with complete impunity.
Orange Mike said,
May 29, 2006 at 23:33
I tried to access the link http://www.therant.us/staff/mr_smith/05262006.htm, but the filter in use at the WisCon 30 hotel, SiteCoach, tells me that the therant.us page is forbidden as a potential pedophile site!?
Mal de mer said,
May 29, 2006 at 23:58
We are living in a time of wild diversity and individuality in fashion and the conservatives are panicked. Well, good. I lived through the 70’s being dressed up by my sew-crazy sister in dacron pantsuits with tartan yokes and a blue-blazer, gold-lamé turtle-neck and bell-bottoms and white shoes combination, photos of which now cause me to hyperventilate and drink heavily. It’s about time someone else suffered.
J. A. Baker said,
May 30, 2006 at 0:23
Bonus points to Mr. Smith for working in a mention of The Clenis®.
Wonder if he titters like a schoolgirl for writing “Clinton” and “stroke” in the same breath?
Evan said,
May 30, 2006 at 0:51
They own the stock, profit from the company and hope to misguide the whole world into using a search engine that only finds what DEMs wish them to see.
Because, in the words of Stephen Colbert, “reality has a known liberal bias!”
Kobie said,
May 30, 2006 at 0:56
What the fuck is this guy talking about?
Kobie said,
May 30, 2006 at 0:58
I have kind of a dumb question, but it stems from the fact that until recently I’d never seen/heard the term “the Clenis�. So, question: is “Clenis� pronounced like “penis� but with a cl-sound instead? Or am I reading entirely too much into perfectly innocent shorthand for “The Clintons�/�The Clinton Whitehouse�?
Your pronunciation is correct. Refers to all conservatives thinking everything wrong with this country sprung forth (!) from Clinton’s dick.
spaghetti happens said,
May 30, 2006 at 1:22
I’m definitely getting shitfaced today. How ’bout you? Yee haw!
dmgroves said,
May 30, 2006 at 1:41
I especially enjoyed the bit about how Dead European Monarchs/Marxists (?) were the reason this guy couldn’t get laid in high school.
Cue mental image of Marx kicking down Smith’s sandcastle, and taking his babe out for a malt.
Kobie said,
May 30, 2006 at 2:50
I went back and re-read his entire column and I must say … it did not make one iota of sense. It was rather like random words selected from a hat and strung together in the shape of a turd.
LA Confidential Pantload said,
May 30, 2006 at 3:36
Maybe it reads better if it’s Swanksterized: “Monarchists European Dead?”
Stu said,
May 30, 2006 at 4:01
This fear of Google is a new thing, right? When did Right Wingers become convinced that the most useful search engine for finding facts was the enemy, and why did that…
Oh, right.
Facts. Liberal bias. Got it.
Anyway, does anyone know when this happened? Because it feels like a very new thing, to me.
blowback said,
May 30, 2006 at 4:19
What I want to know is do conservatives dress to the left or right?
BTW, enter a doubtful phrase in dogpile and it will suggest that you go straight to DestinationXXX.com which advertises itself as “an independent adult search service”. (nudege, nudge, know what I mean…).
Does this mean that this is the preferred search engine for wingnuts?
D. Sidhe said,
May 30, 2006 at 5:23
Just a little note: the article ends with “Code that, da Vinci,� but your last comment is in the excerpt box as well.
Odd. I didn’t even notice when I read that this morning. Hell, it made about as much sense as anything else he’d written.
Marq said,
May 30, 2006 at 5:38
A-ha! Automatic writing, which is done by chopping a book or magazine into small pieces, and then place the bits in a jar or a hat. After stirring the slips of paper up to randomize things, you start plucking the scraps of paper out and stringing together the words or phrases you have retrieved. Strangely enough, the results rarely make any sense. And, by a wild coincidence, neither does this column.
birdseatbugs said,
May 30, 2006 at 6:35
Ah! Thanks, Kobie, that clears up a lot of strange sentences.
ahem said,
May 30, 2006 at 7:44
Anyway, does anyone know when this happened? Because it feels like a very new thing, to me.
When Google News stopped indexing wingnut blogs and treating them as the equivalent to the AP feed?
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
May 30, 2006 at 8:14
On about the 17th reading I realised that Mr Smith meant ‘abrogated’, but owing to lack of space in the Long Word section of his brain, it cross-linked with ‘arrogant’. Like ‘arrogantly abrogated’. There, doesn’t it all make sense now?
Dr. BLT said,
May 30, 2006 at 15:48
Good morning everyone! I thought if I moved up to the higher threads, I might find a few nicer, more civil people. I thought the title of this thead was a good welcome mat for me. I hope you all had a great Memorial Day weekend and I hope you all had time to take a moment of silence for those who have lost their lives for the very freedom of speech some of us are enjoying and others of us have fallen victim to. As for the marines that are being investigated, may justice prevail.
Between fielding calls from New York attorneys and licking my latest wounds, I managed to re-record an old tune I wrote as part of a self-esteem enhancement program for schools. This one’s got something for everyone: Poetic justice and some words of encouragement for those who feel constantly alone and abused at Sadly, No!; an 80s white-guy-street-unwise rap feel that mockers can laugh at and ridicule; and a modern beat everyone can dance to:
I’m My Best Friend
words and music by Dr. BLT (c)2006
http://www.drblt.com/music/friend.mp3
J. Brida said,
May 30, 2006 at 15:50
I think the bitter, “populist” denunciation of the grammar of the NY Times should be put in a capsule so that future generations — if there are any — can marvel at man’s ability to get mad at sentence structure.
GuinnessGuy said,
May 30, 2006 at 16:24
Reject the Dead European Marxists… okay, I can see and even agree to some extent with that– but accept instead the Dead European Mercantilists®?
tigrismus said,
May 30, 2006 at 16:44
Herr Doktor, arrogate is actually correct, though adding “to themselves” is redundant. I’m still giggling at the thought of pinko liberal communo-fascinistas. And I’m guessing somebody’s mother dressed him funny, and he’s still aching about it.
Ginger Yellow said,
May 30, 2006 at 17:26
The funny thing is I’m willing to bet that the NYT style guide frowns upon the use of Google as a verb, which would undermine his entire argument if he actually had an argument rather than a string of incoherent thoughts.
J. Brida said,
May 30, 2006 at 17:41
Ginger Yellow,
I bet you’re right. I have some friends at the Editor’s desk over there. I’ll ask. My favorite two NY Times “top down” fascist-language style quirks: The “Mr.” or “Mrs./Ms.” in front of their last names and the lower case for “nafta”.
Those elitist scumbags.
Kathleen said,
May 30, 2006 at 20:08
I used to be with it, but then they changed what “it” was. Now, what I’m with isn’t it, and what’s “it” seems weird and scary to me.
Marq said,
May 31, 2006 at 2:40
I’ve usually looked at the things that were “in” at the moment as being kinda stupid, even when I was a kid, and even when I kinda liked them personally. Anybody around here old enough to remember parachute pants and when they were the Best Things Evahâ„¢? Point made, though I must admit I actually still have a couple of pairs of the wretched things. I was avidly rejecting popular style during the ’70s, however, so now that that ugly crap has raised its exceedingly ugly head again in the name of “fashion nostalgia”, I can’t recycle any of it. And the fact that I was a small kid during the ’70s, as opposed to a young adult roughly the same size as present in the ’80s doesn’t enter into it at all!
Ginger Yellow said,
May 31, 2006 at 13:18
The magazines I write for have the same style for Nafta. It boils down to whether the acronym is pronounced as individual letters (eg SEC) or as a word (eg Nasa).